What Is and What Never Should Be.....
Dulce....

So something happened that i really shouldn't have let happen...it's just one of those things, and i threw it all out on a limb..it was terrible......

so what is this act of atrocity i committed....i let Olivia read my blue notebook...yeah. it's not the blue journal book, lord knows i'd die if anyone were to read that thing, though some parts can be told to others, those are in the beginning where i wrote random quotes and this and that.....but i allowed her to read the blue michigan notebook.....it's a lesser degree than the journal, but as of late, it's been getting about equal.......

so what's in this blue michigan notebook, well it started out with song ideas, then lyrics, then poems, then turned into little rants......and yeah, covering a lot of different things...she started pulling the "you hate me" thing, good goff, rolls eyes to that mere adolencent idea, but also with a smiggin of reverse psychology in the mix as well......see she's banking on the fact that i wrote good tings about her in there, so pulling the "you hate me" thing will cause me to let her read the shit, good idea, back in sixth grade.....but it was also the push i needed to get the courage to throw the book at her and let her read it......

now during her reading, we sat in my car, i'm nervous and antsy as all hell, somebody's reading shit that came from me and it's for my eyes only....then i can tell she's stumbling over words, which if you are ging to read my shit, then you have to get the full idea..so i take it back and start to ramble off the words on the pages....yeah, trumbling hands, quiver in my voice that's muttered underneath my breath....

so how did it end you ask...haha,probably the worst way it could.....so after the reading, there's my, well that's it...then the awkward silence, and her saying she should probably get back to work (granted her break was becoming over at that point....still not good) then i was like, you can't just leave like that....then she says it was nice, sad and sweet, but good........what in the hell, obviously lying to me to make me feel better, i ramble, it's not good..i may have a good idea, o good line, but the whole thing is crap.......

anyways.....after she said that, a killing word of sweet.....ughh, that word is literaturary death, from a lover's standpoint.....it's kind of like asking that one girl to the dance, that's how she would turn you down...or making a card for someone asking them to be your valentine, that's how you would get turned down, or like making a poem for somebody and that's how they turn you down....."that's sweet" is rejection in it's most sugar coated way, hence sweet......

now don't get the wrong idea people....i wasn't asking her out, i wasn't even pursuing that type of interest in her.....it's just that she asked what i wrote about her, and yes, i used her as a character in a couple of my writtings, it helped a lot......granted she'sa great girl, from what i can tell, she's nice and all..aghhh whatever.....

ok, the word "sweet" is still killing me....i don't know why it does so much, but damn...why do people still sue it so...i've been throguh all that before, sweet, how sweet of them to use such a cop out way to express the way the feel, especially after they read your "feelings".....oh damnation i'm gonig in circles with this one and barcus is here, adios.....