Shit on Me
Yeah, so i got some sleep, and who would think that you could wake up with depression? Yeah well, it wasn't so much just waking up with it, it was an idea in my head that caused the depression. My sleep periods are really messing wit me, whether it be during my sleep wherein i make the statement i know i ma dreaming because of certain noticable falasies, i.e. wearing a shirt i once owned, but gave to brooke weeks prior; or just waking up with a full fledged thought in my head. In the shower i came up with a "title only" blogging, extended to the thougt in my head, but damned if i forgot how it actually went. It's really cold in thew basement tonight, here i complain now, yet soon i won't be able to; i've learned to accept and cheerish as much as you can while you have it; because you know the old saying, "what you value is what you miss, not what you have" Side note, my other journal made me mad today, i was going to post about some random stuff, and i was gong to talk about, more than mention i suppose, the song by zeppelin, Fool in the Rain. Well because it was F'ing up i never got to...and low and behold, Brooke must have been on the same wavelength as me, because she put up an away message saying how she really likes the song now, and some other stuff. See if only the damned thing had been working i could prove the compatability between us, but because it has failed, i now have, "oh, yeah i was thinking about that to" kind of stance. Well that is all, i'm getting upset over something stupid, and if i failed to make any sense to this, well just add it to the list of failures. good day
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Monday, April 28, 2003
"Have You Ever Searched for Something You Hoped not to Find?"
Ok, i don't know if you understand what i am asking, so let me clarify. ok the human passion for curiousity is an amazing thing, we're always looking for answers, or the story behind something, I mean look how many types of Enquirer magazines there are and how many get sold. Unsolved Mysteries was one of my favorite TV shows as a kid; parapsychology (and the movie Ghostbusters) is crazy, I love it. It's another realm we haven't fully been able to define, also along with the psuedo-science of psychology itself, that being only 200 years old...anways tangent, sorry....So people always want to know the truth, whether the truth will hurt or not, people just want to know. And in some cases they have a hunch about something, so they do some researching, talking to people, reading books, whatever, searching to fulfill thier idea in their head, or to make it false. They want to find what they are looking for to satisfy the pleasure superwgo part of the mind who must succeed. On the other hand, they know that if they do find what they are looking for, they will be crushed, mentally, emotionally, heartbroken, whatever. But the superego isn't always a good thing to have a strong one of...when they come up short of finding the truth, no leads, nothing, they feel let down, and then "know" it's there. they dig and dig, when in reality the hunch could have been a mere whimse of rumor blowing in the breeze. whatever it may be, do you know what i'm talking about?I only have one example fresh in my mind, but it's not the way i was thinking..oh well, comment if you have any insight whatsoever.....
Ok, i don't know if you understand what i am asking, so let me clarify. ok the human passion for curiousity is an amazing thing, we're always looking for answers, or the story behind something, I mean look how many types of Enquirer magazines there are and how many get sold. Unsolved Mysteries was one of my favorite TV shows as a kid; parapsychology (and the movie Ghostbusters) is crazy, I love it. It's another realm we haven't fully been able to define, also along with the psuedo-science of psychology itself, that being only 200 years old...anways tangent, sorry....So people always want to know the truth, whether the truth will hurt or not, people just want to know. And in some cases they have a hunch about something, so they do some researching, talking to people, reading books, whatever, searching to fulfill thier idea in their head, or to make it false. They want to find what they are looking for to satisfy the pleasure superwgo part of the mind who must succeed. On the other hand, they know that if they do find what they are looking for, they will be crushed, mentally, emotionally, heartbroken, whatever. But the superego isn't always a good thing to have a strong one of...when they come up short of finding the truth, no leads, nothing, they feel let down, and then "know" it's there. they dig and dig, when in reality the hunch could have been a mere whimse of rumor blowing in the breeze. whatever it may be, do you know what i'm talking about?I only have one example fresh in my mind, but it's not the way i was thinking..oh well, comment if you have any insight whatsoever.....
**Update**
I'm sorry I freaked out earlier about the journal entry. I justdidn't understand what i was reading, and then my mind went crazy spin cycle style with ideas of what may be happening. I'm sorry, please forgive. I love you and call me when you have time....... Yeah i know this time it was I who freaked out
I'm sorry I freaked out earlier about the journal entry. I justdidn't understand what i was reading, and then my mind went crazy spin cycle style with ideas of what may be happening. I'm sorry, please forgive. I love you and call me when you have time....... Yeah i know this time it was I who freaked out
Dazed and Confused...
*Ha that goes so well with the theme of my other journal entry......*
Anyways, so yeah, I got this other online journal, but i'm cure if i want to keep using it or this one. i mean i like to stay loyal to certain things, but i guess when things get sucky try something new? somewhat agianst my conservative ways, but what the hey. Yeah well i'm not offering a link to the journal, though it won't take a super slueth to find out where it's at. Now my question is what will diferentiate the two journals, will one be happy and the other sad, so when you the reader notice that i haven't been making entries in a certain you will know what mood i am in? who knows, ALCO already knows anything that happens in my life without me saying a thing, i can walk in, they see that i'm happy, they make the comment that things are going well with brooke. when i come in all mopey and depressed they know something's up, how pitiful is that. I got some sleep over the weekend, and i was really suprised how ambitious and energetic i was at work, well until, you know. Mr pibb has a certain candy like taste to it i'm not sure if i like it or not, yet continue to drink to find out just what that is. Oh, so i am currently trying to make a top 5 list, which i will present to you later in a random title only entry, but so far i only have 2 of the songs, so the search will go on...speaking of searches, that is the subject of the first title only blog, which i should post afternoon or so..like anyone cares...but right now i'm gong to get ready and showered for class...though i'm starting to wonder why i even continuing with this....what is gong on..i am good, besides the pain, damn foot/head/heart/teeth, yeah well, wish me luck and god speed.
*Ha that goes so well with the theme of my other journal entry......*
Anyways, so yeah, I got this other online journal, but i'm cure if i want to keep using it or this one. i mean i like to stay loyal to certain things, but i guess when things get sucky try something new? somewhat agianst my conservative ways, but what the hey. Yeah well i'm not offering a link to the journal, though it won't take a super slueth to find out where it's at. Now my question is what will diferentiate the two journals, will one be happy and the other sad, so when you the reader notice that i haven't been making entries in a certain you will know what mood i am in? who knows, ALCO already knows anything that happens in my life without me saying a thing, i can walk in, they see that i'm happy, they make the comment that things are going well with brooke. when i come in all mopey and depressed they know something's up, how pitiful is that. I got some sleep over the weekend, and i was really suprised how ambitious and energetic i was at work, well until, you know. Mr pibb has a certain candy like taste to it i'm not sure if i like it or not, yet continue to drink to find out just what that is. Oh, so i am currently trying to make a top 5 list, which i will present to you later in a random title only entry, but so far i only have 2 of the songs, so the search will go on...speaking of searches, that is the subject of the first title only blog, which i should post afternoon or so..like anyone cares...but right now i'm gong to get ready and showered for class...though i'm starting to wonder why i even continuing with this....what is gong on..i am good, besides the pain, damn foot/head/heart/teeth, yeah well, wish me luck and god speed.
Friday, April 25, 2003
What Day is It Anyway???
Yeah, an update was dearly in need. yeah and i have been wanting to blog everso much lately as well...so much stuff, good and bad, has been going on, i'm just not finding the time, or too wrapped up in those things where i can't blog about them. well added to my crazy work-a-holic schedule i'm taking realty class from McColly in merrillville, 3 days a week, 3 hours a day; we should be finished towards the end of May or so. After that's done and over with i wil be a licensed realtor working for nancy frigo. It's insane, then i'll try to maintain 3 jobs for as long as i can, but something's bound to give eventually. Vince has helped in the career path of mine, getting his dad involved to get me into the car business, well we'll see how that panned out in awhile. In the mean time i've just been packing my stuff, trying to get it all into storage; you see my mom is leaving, says she'll be out by Friday, who knows, but then Larry will have the house entirely, apparently though i still have to get my shit out...and we all know how much shit i have. Yeah, the storage unit i was going to rent i looked over and came to the conclusion that it's just way to small, however my mom says everything should fit into a 5x10, highly unlikely i say, so now i need to upgrade to the only thing available, the 10x10, and hell, if there's enough room in there i may have to sleep in there sometimes, ok maybe not i don't think people would let me do that, though it is open 24 hours and i would be protecting my stuff...anyways...besides all that i have been in a lot of pain lately, got a swelling on my big toe believed to be an in-grown toe nail, it was actually pussing the other day, headache that hasn't gone away for the past 2 weeks which has caused ear aches in now both ears alternating at times, and my jaw/teeth will hurt as well. oh and the headache causes fits of fatigueness and that's defiantly not good for me, being tired when i have to be awake 24+ hours at times.....some will say it is lack of sleep, well i'll let you know this didn't happen until after the time i got some god sleep in me, i actually had some time off and such, and i got to sleep in straight intervals without interruption for an entire weekend or so, so beats the shit of out of me. But once agian i must appologize for not blogging, i never got to tell you about prom and all the other weekends with my lovely brooke, i feel as if i have neglected you and her...there was one time a few weeks ago i had thought about just posting comments, well a question or something, that would be it, just a thought in my head and hope people responded to give an answer, just a query such as, "if someone told you something that could allow you to better yourself with, then they told you that wasn't so, how would you react", well i don't think that was the actual wording, and the question has always caused confussion, and now that the whole question is messed up i'll never know the answer...but check in the future to my blog, and if you see a headline bolded rather than a ..... that means that is the entire posting, just that phrase, then feel free to go ahead and comment on it..though i don't know how much updating i will be able to in the next months......i should have a blogging title, "let the hop begin" but somebody has already taken that, and to think the one who has housed the homeless is now homeless himself...i'm almost eating my words i said to my mother 2 months ago, went a little something like this..."ma, don't worry about me, do what you want to do, if you want to move to misourri at any time, don't let me be the hindering factor" damn me and my .....well now, loss of words. well at the time the comments were in good faith, and i suppose they still are, her paranoia should decrease now that she is hundreds of miles away from larry...but to think, this move will be the crippiling factor in the dishoning of myself from the family; this once broken family will now completly seperate having no common ground to hold onto. granted my grandparents will be 22 minutes away in lynwood where my plates are registered, i suppose the only good things they are good for right about now. in no way have they tried to help me in my situation, offered help, money, housing, whatever, they try to have casual conversation with me, "how's it going, how's work, going to work now,...." anwyas enough with that, i've been noticing my typing really horrible tonight, probably due to the fact my hands are freezing. I wanted to do this update to let everyone know what was going on and for brooke. even though we talk everyday i guess she still feels the need to discipline me on my non-bloggingness, well as you can see she's keeping me inline, thanks. on the subject of brooke, i think she's great..she's beautiful, smart, funny, well i can go on all day, but i'm mostly happy to hear the words "i love you" come from her lips once agian. yes she loves me agian, well not agian, she's always loved me, but she's openly saying it to me. i'm just so happy. i'm not even sure what happened, it's not like i wooed back her love, or did something crazily romantic, whatever happened i'm glad it did. Nothing fills me up inside with so much joy and complete happiness as to hear those words come from her. In this rough time i know i can make it through with her by my side, you know the old saying, behind every great man there's a greater woman, or something like that, well you get my idea right. Yeah, she's my best friend, a really good friend to have, and i'm not going to go into the subject of where we stand either, that will just cause too much confusion, so discuss it amoungst yourselves, as far as i know we're just being friends, if anything comes of it, it will occur naturally like it has in the past and will blossom into something greater, until then don't ask, ...but i always could be wrong.... As you can see, the "H" key agian is causing me problems tonight. seems like i've been blogging for awhile, or the pain on the left side of my face is getting greater, in either case i think it is time to hang the keyboard up and call it a night, if i forgot anything in the process i'm sorry
Yeah, an update was dearly in need. yeah and i have been wanting to blog everso much lately as well...so much stuff, good and bad, has been going on, i'm just not finding the time, or too wrapped up in those things where i can't blog about them. well added to my crazy work-a-holic schedule i'm taking realty class from McColly in merrillville, 3 days a week, 3 hours a day; we should be finished towards the end of May or so. After that's done and over with i wil be a licensed realtor working for nancy frigo. It's insane, then i'll try to maintain 3 jobs for as long as i can, but something's bound to give eventually. Vince has helped in the career path of mine, getting his dad involved to get me into the car business, well we'll see how that panned out in awhile. In the mean time i've just been packing my stuff, trying to get it all into storage; you see my mom is leaving, says she'll be out by Friday, who knows, but then Larry will have the house entirely, apparently though i still have to get my shit out...and we all know how much shit i have. Yeah, the storage unit i was going to rent i looked over and came to the conclusion that it's just way to small, however my mom says everything should fit into a 5x10, highly unlikely i say, so now i need to upgrade to the only thing available, the 10x10, and hell, if there's enough room in there i may have to sleep in there sometimes, ok maybe not i don't think people would let me do that, though it is open 24 hours and i would be protecting my stuff...anyways...besides all that i have been in a lot of pain lately, got a swelling on my big toe believed to be an in-grown toe nail, it was actually pussing the other day, headache that hasn't gone away for the past 2 weeks which has caused ear aches in now both ears alternating at times, and my jaw/teeth will hurt as well. oh and the headache causes fits of fatigueness and that's defiantly not good for me, being tired when i have to be awake 24+ hours at times.....some will say it is lack of sleep, well i'll let you know this didn't happen until after the time i got some god sleep in me, i actually had some time off and such, and i got to sleep in straight intervals without interruption for an entire weekend or so, so beats the shit of out of me. But once agian i must appologize for not blogging, i never got to tell you about prom and all the other weekends with my lovely brooke, i feel as if i have neglected you and her...there was one time a few weeks ago i had thought about just posting comments, well a question or something, that would be it, just a thought in my head and hope people responded to give an answer, just a query such as, "if someone told you something that could allow you to better yourself with, then they told you that wasn't so, how would you react", well i don't think that was the actual wording, and the question has always caused confussion, and now that the whole question is messed up i'll never know the answer...but check in the future to my blog, and if you see a headline bolded rather than a ..... that means that is the entire posting, just that phrase, then feel free to go ahead and comment on it..though i don't know how much updating i will be able to in the next months......i should have a blogging title, "let the hop begin" but somebody has already taken that, and to think the one who has housed the homeless is now homeless himself...i'm almost eating my words i said to my mother 2 months ago, went a little something like this..."ma, don't worry about me, do what you want to do, if you want to move to misourri at any time, don't let me be the hindering factor" damn me and my .....well now, loss of words. well at the time the comments were in good faith, and i suppose they still are, her paranoia should decrease now that she is hundreds of miles away from larry...but to think, this move will be the crippiling factor in the dishoning of myself from the family; this once broken family will now completly seperate having no common ground to hold onto. granted my grandparents will be 22 minutes away in lynwood where my plates are registered, i suppose the only good things they are good for right about now. in no way have they tried to help me in my situation, offered help, money, housing, whatever, they try to have casual conversation with me, "how's it going, how's work, going to work now,...." anwyas enough with that, i've been noticing my typing really horrible tonight, probably due to the fact my hands are freezing. I wanted to do this update to let everyone know what was going on and for brooke. even though we talk everyday i guess she still feels the need to discipline me on my non-bloggingness, well as you can see she's keeping me inline, thanks. on the subject of brooke, i think she's great..she's beautiful, smart, funny, well i can go on all day, but i'm mostly happy to hear the words "i love you" come from her lips once agian. yes she loves me agian, well not agian, she's always loved me, but she's openly saying it to me. i'm just so happy. i'm not even sure what happened, it's not like i wooed back her love, or did something crazily romantic, whatever happened i'm glad it did. Nothing fills me up inside with so much joy and complete happiness as to hear those words come from her. In this rough time i know i can make it through with her by my side, you know the old saying, behind every great man there's a greater woman, or something like that, well you get my idea right. Yeah, she's my best friend, a really good friend to have, and i'm not going to go into the subject of where we stand either, that will just cause too much confusion, so discuss it amoungst yourselves, as far as i know we're just being friends, if anything comes of it, it will occur naturally like it has in the past and will blossom into something greater, until then don't ask, ...but i always could be wrong.... As you can see, the "H" key agian is causing me problems tonight. seems like i've been blogging for awhile, or the pain on the left side of my face is getting greater, in either case i think it is time to hang the keyboard up and call it a night, if i forgot anything in the process i'm sorry
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Wow...i guess
Well yesterday was in fact my birthday, yippie, so that makes me....20? yeah i guess it does, a nothing age, damn; not a teen anymore, not old enough to drink, whoppee anyway, but not really an adult, so yeah, it's a nothing year, just like 2003. i've gto a lot of things to blog about, but i just don't have the time anymore. i feel bad too because there's so much i want to say. i'd like to blog about prom and everythign that's been gonig on with that, how's life treating me and such, whee to live, work, ...all that crap.....maybe i'll get to it this weekend, somehow i've got an alomst clear weekend to do as i please, which will be nothing. i work sat 8 to 4, i know zach said he wanted to do something, my other lpans fell through..i think i'll just stay home and pack, listen to music as i work. oh what did i do on my birthday you ask, i worked, no biggie, thanks to all who said happy birthday, or called and sang to me, thank you brooke. well it's wednesday, so i'll be seeing you in a couple days, for now it's work, then the weekend i'll just waste away....
Well yesterday was in fact my birthday, yippie, so that makes me....20? yeah i guess it does, a nothing age, damn; not a teen anymore, not old enough to drink, whoppee anyway, but not really an adult, so yeah, it's a nothing year, just like 2003. i've gto a lot of things to blog about, but i just don't have the time anymore. i feel bad too because there's so much i want to say. i'd like to blog about prom and everythign that's been gonig on with that, how's life treating me and such, whee to live, work, ...all that crap.....maybe i'll get to it this weekend, somehow i've got an alomst clear weekend to do as i please, which will be nothing. i work sat 8 to 4, i know zach said he wanted to do something, my other lpans fell through..i think i'll just stay home and pack, listen to music as i work. oh what did i do on my birthday you ask, i worked, no biggie, thanks to all who said happy birthday, or called and sang to me, thank you brooke. well it's wednesday, so i'll be seeing you in a couple days, for now it's work, then the weekend i'll just waste away....
Thursday, April 03, 2003
I Love Her
Ok, so give me time, but i got something i need to blog about..so before you comment on these let me post the full stories...
I am gonig to Prom with the very lovely, very brillaint, brooke morgan
also, this past weekend wherein i went friday to get that lovely girl, and we went to chicago on sat, then back to muncie on sunday was spectacular...i love her soo much, everything just felt so right, i love her, i want nothing more than to be with her....
more to come...
Ok, so give me time, but i got something i need to blog about..so before you comment on these let me post the full stories...
I am gonig to Prom with the very lovely, very brillaint, brooke morgan
also, this past weekend wherein i went friday to get that lovely girl, and we went to chicago on sat, then back to muncie on sunday was spectacular...i love her soo much, everything just felt so right, i love her, i want nothing more than to be with her....
more to come...
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