but it's hard..
..and it's late
so i'll just sit and stare...
i wanna write, i honestly do...but i only wanna write when it's not an option..i'll be at work..or at work..or....out and about..that's when i have my thoughts, the first raw thoughts....but by the time i go to type it all up, my mind has been sitting on it, analyzing it, rebuilding it all day long...so any questions i initially posed in my head are either answered or can jsut be ignored...
"look at it this way, you got another chapter for your book *everyone erupts into laughter*"
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
I Break
the water's grown
but it's not the 12th
but it's not the 12th
and my references are so obscure i barely get them...
i take my last bite of the chicken wings i ordered in - not the last bite because i have run out of food, clearly the four boxes of random apps and entrees are almost untouched. no, rather it is my last bite because i'm full....or at least i think i'm full.
it's a weird feeling - my stomache growls wanting more, yet the thought of putting anymore sustance down the hatch makes me feel queasy. how can one be full and hungry at the same time..how can one person experience such polar opposite feelings, such extreme emotions simultaneously?
i try to forget about the craziness of it and continue reading my book - it's bukowski's Hollywood. I've been in a mood to read something, and all the books i would have picked up were never returned by those who "borrowed" them - another reason why i hate lending things out to people, it never comes back to you the same way you left it, if at all....
this book was actually a gift, not to me, but from me to a girl i once knew. i actually have never read the book, but i love bukowski's writing and so i picked up one of his novel's hoping the future english teacher would enjoy his writing too....funny how almost three years later i came across it in storage, still wrapped...
so ultimately it was a gift to me. and the timing in my life couldn't have been more appropriate.
as i have said i have always enjoyed bukowski's poems and short stories..but this book so far is....nothing special. granted i'm barely into it, but i think i should be captivated from the moment i open the book..it should call out to me, like nausea or the waiter rant or whatever
but that's just me, basing all my feelings on the initial encounter...you may think it's wrong to "judge a book by it's cover" but i've never been wrong before...
i can't concentrate, my stomach is grumbling...it doesn't make sense and i can't come up with any reasoning for it..i have plenty of food to eat, if i were hungry, but i'm full..this point is proven as my eyelids tarp over my eyes and i sink into the pillows. i know fighting it will get me nowhere..if i try i'll get twenty pages ahead and not remember a thing, it'll be a waste of time, might as well stop now.
i lay there with my eyes closed for an hour, asleep for maybe half of it, the latter half...and when i finally come to again i am greeted with a hungry stomach.. but since time has passed i've made a little bit of room in my tummy for some food...but it doesn't help.
i read on, and in the process i start to resurrect my inner dialogue. this is a funny thing, it's a delicate thing. the rattled dust fills the air, scattering about as each piece going in it's own direction..no ryhme or reason..tickling my insides..the sounds of spoken words fill my head, rising from the ash and now taking form as bukowski.
the heat kicks on as i can feel a gust of air now blowing on me. it's a love/hate relationship i have with winter - i hate the cold and the snow when i'm outside, but when i'm inside, when i can control the environment, cranking up the heat, wrapping up in a blanket yet still being able to look out the windows at the white sheets covering everything, then i'm happy.
but with winter comes the coldness in my soul, a hibernation of sensibility..and just like a bukowski poem or existential story out comes the tortured artist that lies within me...the winter not only causes people to huddle into their warm homes, closing windows and the outside world; i take that to the extreme..shutting out those i know and love in a depressive downward spiral...and just as your furnace kicks in, my bleeding heart too pours out...
this could be a good thing, but then again, you can't have the sweet without the sour...another catch 22, the story of my life
"if it made sense or was normal, it wouldn't be the jangus life"
i take my last bite of the chicken wings i ordered in - not the last bite because i have run out of food, clearly the four boxes of random apps and entrees are almost untouched. no, rather it is my last bite because i'm full....or at least i think i'm full.
it's a weird feeling - my stomache growls wanting more, yet the thought of putting anymore sustance down the hatch makes me feel queasy. how can one be full and hungry at the same time..how can one person experience such polar opposite feelings, such extreme emotions simultaneously?
i try to forget about the craziness of it and continue reading my book - it's bukowski's Hollywood. I've been in a mood to read something, and all the books i would have picked up were never returned by those who "borrowed" them - another reason why i hate lending things out to people, it never comes back to you the same way you left it, if at all....
this book was actually a gift, not to me, but from me to a girl i once knew. i actually have never read the book, but i love bukowski's writing and so i picked up one of his novel's hoping the future english teacher would enjoy his writing too....funny how almost three years later i came across it in storage, still wrapped...
so ultimately it was a gift to me. and the timing in my life couldn't have been more appropriate.
as i have said i have always enjoyed bukowski's poems and short stories..but this book so far is....nothing special. granted i'm barely into it, but i think i should be captivated from the moment i open the book..it should call out to me, like nausea or the waiter rant or whatever
but that's just me, basing all my feelings on the initial encounter...you may think it's wrong to "judge a book by it's cover" but i've never been wrong before...
i can't concentrate, my stomach is grumbling...it doesn't make sense and i can't come up with any reasoning for it..i have plenty of food to eat, if i were hungry, but i'm full..this point is proven as my eyelids tarp over my eyes and i sink into the pillows. i know fighting it will get me nowhere..if i try i'll get twenty pages ahead and not remember a thing, it'll be a waste of time, might as well stop now.
i lay there with my eyes closed for an hour, asleep for maybe half of it, the latter half...and when i finally come to again i am greeted with a hungry stomach.. but since time has passed i've made a little bit of room in my tummy for some food...but it doesn't help.
i read on, and in the process i start to resurrect my inner dialogue. this is a funny thing, it's a delicate thing. the rattled dust fills the air, scattering about as each piece going in it's own direction..no ryhme or reason..tickling my insides..the sounds of spoken words fill my head, rising from the ash and now taking form as bukowski.
the heat kicks on as i can feel a gust of air now blowing on me. it's a love/hate relationship i have with winter - i hate the cold and the snow when i'm outside, but when i'm inside, when i can control the environment, cranking up the heat, wrapping up in a blanket yet still being able to look out the windows at the white sheets covering everything, then i'm happy.
but with winter comes the coldness in my soul, a hibernation of sensibility..and just like a bukowski poem or existential story out comes the tortured artist that lies within me...the winter not only causes people to huddle into their warm homes, closing windows and the outside world; i take that to the extreme..shutting out those i know and love in a depressive downward spiral...and just as your furnace kicks in, my bleeding heart too pours out...
this could be a good thing, but then again, you can't have the sweet without the sour...another catch 22, the story of my life
"if it made sense or was normal, it wouldn't be the jangus life"
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I Hate
this....
and this....
but really,
yay, its a post at night, as i promised..because i keep my promises, i hold true to my word and i don't like to lie...you know, that's right, i don't like to lie - sure, tell fibs, joke, make sarcastic remarks, but straight out lie...well, i guess the better part of my life is one big lie then...
i'm tired of being everyone's dirty little secret, of being the lie, the forgotten - wait i can handle that last one - what i really fucking hate is in the autobiography of ever fucking person i've ever known, i'm just some fucking deleted footnote, the "and between the months of April through October there was a time of no importance where all the time possible was spent with a certain someone who shall remain nameless"
i look back onto my past relationships, you know the ones where i turned stone into marble for those bitches, and the least they could do is pay a little respect to me in return, but instead i get shunned, as if i was the one to blame for how they turned out now..minus the cool parts! i look back and, well, they don't. they forget about how i helped them overcome their self-consciousness, or to break free from something that was plaguing them, get over irrational fears...nahhh, that's not what i am here for...
instead, when those fucking cunts look back on their lives and reflect about me, it's some horrid and graphic display of how i did them wrong..but that's a sad side story - i'm not playing the victim card, so help me, i just want people to wake the fuck up....
as an additional side not i'd like to mention that all those girls whom i've helped prior get over what ailed them, turning shit into gold, somehow end up fucking it all up after they discard me out of their lives..they turn right back around, down the hill, and complete the cycle back to shit....way to blow a-holes...
but let's get back on track...i've been drinking makers...and when i drink mark i start in with that, "Frank Sinatra, she shot me down, give me a cigarette, King of Sad" thing. i had a drink tonight and it catapulted me back four years ago to a time and a place i didn't want to remember...remember how i hated crying, yeah, this is right up there (probably cuz i cried - SHUT UP)
i hate being lied to - i remember as a kid growing up i believed in everything that everyone said. i didn't understand the concept of being lied to, i was pegged as gullible. people could tell me their dad was some crime-fighting super hero and i'd beleive them...until i started to get smart...then i realized a lot of what people said was full of shit, further proven by their actions. what's sad is as i've gotten older and gotten wiser, i've been able to see through people's deceitfulness, their lies, their awkwardness, and have known better; i still give people the benefit on the doubt and believe in them. i mean come on, i've got a degree in social engineering (ask me about it) but yet i still wanna believe in the goodness of mankind and believe that people aren't straight up lying to my face...
and that's just the tip of the iceberg on what's fucked up - But I just think good things will happen, if you are a good person with a good attitude, don't you think..sofia said that...people use me, i said that. people see the great potential i have and either wanna make me harness it, or use it for their own good.....the bad part is, i never use it for my own good....i'm like some secret weapon that somehow the bad guys get ahold of and somebody tries to win me back....but of course i'm oblivious to what is really going on and am just happy to be apart of the ride...
i don't get how i let people use and abuse me, i'm not stupid, but yet i get caught up in the whirlwind fantasy that people are all good...."half the people can be part right all of the time..some of the people can be alright part of the time..but all the people can't be all right all the time...i think abraham lincoln said that..."
fantasy....that's my life, that's how it's always been....i used to believe in shit like Santa, and if i was a good person good things would happen to me, be a good student and the doors would be open, the world is your oyster.....well, i'm salty from the lies. i'd rather be given no hope than more than a chance....at least with no hope i'd have something to overcome...with more than a chance i feel it is owed to me..well, i've come to realize nobody owes anything to me....and that has left one huge fucking chip on my shoulder...
i just want things to make sense...but, again..it's closure i seek, it's the endings i hate...i want something i'm afraid of, yet i'm able to lay it all on the line..
"I'll let you be in my dreams if i can be in yours, i said that..."
and this....
but really,
yay, its a post at night, as i promised..because i keep my promises, i hold true to my word and i don't like to lie...you know, that's right, i don't like to lie - sure, tell fibs, joke, make sarcastic remarks, but straight out lie...well, i guess the better part of my life is one big lie then...
i'm tired of being everyone's dirty little secret, of being the lie, the forgotten - wait i can handle that last one - what i really fucking hate is in the autobiography of ever fucking person i've ever known, i'm just some fucking deleted footnote, the "and between the months of April through October there was a time of no importance where all the time possible was spent with a certain someone who shall remain nameless"
i look back onto my past relationships, you know the ones where i turned stone into marble for those bitches, and the least they could do is pay a little respect to me in return, but instead i get shunned, as if i was the one to blame for how they turned out now..minus the cool parts! i look back and, well, they don't. they forget about how i helped them overcome their self-consciousness, or to break free from something that was plaguing them, get over irrational fears...nahhh, that's not what i am here for...
instead, when those fucking cunts look back on their lives and reflect about me, it's some horrid and graphic display of how i did them wrong..but that's a sad side story - i'm not playing the victim card, so help me, i just want people to wake the fuck up....
as an additional side not i'd like to mention that all those girls whom i've helped prior get over what ailed them, turning shit into gold, somehow end up fucking it all up after they discard me out of their lives..they turn right back around, down the hill, and complete the cycle back to shit....way to blow a-holes...
but let's get back on track...i've been drinking makers...and when i drink mark i start in with that, "Frank Sinatra, she shot me down, give me a cigarette, King of Sad" thing. i had a drink tonight and it catapulted me back four years ago to a time and a place i didn't want to remember...remember how i hated crying, yeah, this is right up there (probably cuz i cried - SHUT UP)
i hate being lied to - i remember as a kid growing up i believed in everything that everyone said. i didn't understand the concept of being lied to, i was pegged as gullible. people could tell me their dad was some crime-fighting super hero and i'd beleive them...until i started to get smart...then i realized a lot of what people said was full of shit, further proven by their actions. what's sad is as i've gotten older and gotten wiser, i've been able to see through people's deceitfulness, their lies, their awkwardness, and have known better; i still give people the benefit on the doubt and believe in them. i mean come on, i've got a degree in social engineering (ask me about it) but yet i still wanna believe in the goodness of mankind and believe that people aren't straight up lying to my face...
and that's just the tip of the iceberg on what's fucked up - But I just think good things will happen, if you are a good person with a good attitude, don't you think..sofia said that...people use me, i said that. people see the great potential i have and either wanna make me harness it, or use it for their own good.....the bad part is, i never use it for my own good....i'm like some secret weapon that somehow the bad guys get ahold of and somebody tries to win me back....but of course i'm oblivious to what is really going on and am just happy to be apart of the ride...
i don't get how i let people use and abuse me, i'm not stupid, but yet i get caught up in the whirlwind fantasy that people are all good...."half the people can be part right all of the time..some of the people can be alright part of the time..but all the people can't be all right all the time...i think abraham lincoln said that..."
fantasy....that's my life, that's how it's always been....i used to believe in shit like Santa, and if i was a good person good things would happen to me, be a good student and the doors would be open, the world is your oyster.....well, i'm salty from the lies. i'd rather be given no hope than more than a chance....at least with no hope i'd have something to overcome...with more than a chance i feel it is owed to me..well, i've come to realize nobody owes anything to me....and that has left one huge fucking chip on my shoulder...
i just want things to make sense...but, again..it's closure i seek, it's the endings i hate...i want something i'm afraid of, yet i'm able to lay it all on the line..
"I'll let you be in my dreams if i can be in yours, i said that..."
Monday, November 16, 2009
See New Post
Click New Post
Write New Post
forget about the post as soon as you're finished...
ok, let's see how to do this...it's early, and by early i mean it's sometime shortly after i woke up, which means it's nine in the afternoon. there's a reason i don't write in the morning, errr when i wake up - it's because i can't think straight. all my thoughts are cloudy. i remember being back in school and teachers giving us weird statistics about why we were taking the ISTEPs in the morning, how our brains functioned better...i bet you if i were to take those damn tests at midnight i would have rocked out, but whatever.
there's a lot on my mind...just give it another 9 hours and i'll be able to say something, until then it's a big blob of thoughts...and over time it grows, it shapes, and in the end turns into something..
and i keep distracting myself, so this isn't even making sense...but i'm pushing through, i'm doing it, because that's just what i do..now i may not have much, but i have more determination then any man you're ever likely to meet. some call it being stubborn, strong-headed, or just plain stupid..i just call it living my life...
alright, that's all i got for now....apparently i need to punch someone in the face for making this monday suck balls..and not my balls, i wished my balls were being sucked..then today might not be so bad....
"There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool."
Write New Post
forget about the post as soon as you're finished...
ok, let's see how to do this...it's early, and by early i mean it's sometime shortly after i woke up, which means it's nine in the afternoon. there's a reason i don't write in the morning, errr when i wake up - it's because i can't think straight. all my thoughts are cloudy. i remember being back in school and teachers giving us weird statistics about why we were taking the ISTEPs in the morning, how our brains functioned better...i bet you if i were to take those damn tests at midnight i would have rocked out, but whatever.
there's a lot on my mind...just give it another 9 hours and i'll be able to say something, until then it's a big blob of thoughts...and over time it grows, it shapes, and in the end turns into something..
and i keep distracting myself, so this isn't even making sense...but i'm pushing through, i'm doing it, because that's just what i do..now i may not have much, but i have more determination then any man you're ever likely to meet. some call it being stubborn, strong-headed, or just plain stupid..i just call it living my life...
alright, that's all i got for now....apparently i need to punch someone in the face for making this monday suck balls..and not my balls, i wished my balls were being sucked..then today might not be so bad....
"There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool."
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
2 Months
but what the heck...
..it's november...
and i'm a little drunk
Who wants a post?!?! ok, don't answer...i've been doing this daily booth thing for y'all every day..it's like an awesome mini blog..of sorts...it's like twitter as in i get to write a blurb, i get to add a picture, and in my picture i add a caption..with stitch as well...sounds great eh?
thought so...
it's november, and just as a self fulfilled prophecy is, it's sucking. i'm only eleven days into this mess and it's beyound a shit show...yes i just said this goes to eleven and yes i used a u in beyound...
you know, the other day i waited on a guy who questioned where i was from...he wanted to play that game...he guessed africa, australia, and everywhere else...fuck, i thought he was gonna go states, but he went for the countries....he was thrown off by a certain dissertation in my voice, that doesn't make sense, he was thrown off by how i was saying things...i explained to him i mimic everyone i am around all day long..i can do impressions of literally everyone - it comes from having a keen sense of observation and trying to mock all noises you heard as a kid, go figure...yes, i was the kid who made siren noises and barked like a dog because i wanted to sound as close as possible to it.
as i said it's november..this is how i handle things...i keep them inside...the mere fact i am blogging right now is a fucking miracle - the fact i am cursing a lot isn't surprising....don't want shit, don't start no shit then...yes i just used a double negative, yes you can fuck off.
i get angry when i drink..at times...i guess it comes with the territory....i mean mood or month or something...i'm rambling..
you know what i hate, emotion. mother fuck emotions. if there is one thing i'd rather live without it'd be emotions...i don't like it when people cry, i don't like it when people are all in my face happy, and i especially don't like it if i become one of those people...i cried tonight...i felt like a fucking pussy - not because crying is gay, but because it's below me. i didn't cry when TJ passed away, but on;t because i was expecting it...throw me a wrench and i break down, i fucking hate that...i hate losing control, i fucking hate defeat..
someone told me i was still hung up on my ex, you know, the fucking bitch who still owes me 6k - and i'm not saying she owes me six letter K's, i mean six to the thousand dollars ..yeah, not hung up on her as so much i'm hung up on the fact that i failed...i tried, actually tried to get her back - even though i knew it was stupid, i knew we weren't supposed to be together and hell, i actually initiated the breakup - what i can't get a grasp on is the fact that i fucking tried and i failed...i wasn't good enough, i couldn't win..i was a fucking loser..
would i be happy with her now, who the fuck cares, probably not, i'd probably be trying to break up with her again because i talk to fast using words she doesn't understand...you want a grading scale for women try this...take her IQ, subtract her weight, if it's positive you're golden....
i hate dumb bitches like i hate...whatever..emotions? go with that one again...my mouth tastes like a night at louies...where the fuck is the dumb bitch in my bed this evening..
you know what i hate...i hate the fact i wanna write my thoughts down about everything right now...but there's sooo many different parties that would fucking eat this shit up that i just couldn't deal with that...how dare i publish what's going on in my life for others to read...
which leads me into my last thought, i hope....a co-worker of mine found out something random about me and stated he wanted to write a book about the mysterious enigma that is The Jangus - to which i replied if you were to do that, either a lot of pages would be blank, or if the truth got out, a lot of people would riot - i'll keep myself as the deleted chapter in everyone else's lives and fade away...
so here you go..it's november, so if you like me, do me a favor and fuck off til december...i don't want to deal with anyone or anything at the moment because i'll break...self-fulfilling maybe, my reality at the moment, yes.
"you want me to promise you something that's happening in June, i can't even commit to next week...."
..it's november...
and i'm a little drunk
Who wants a post?!?! ok, don't answer...i've been doing this daily booth thing for y'all every day..it's like an awesome mini blog..of sorts...it's like twitter as in i get to write a blurb, i get to add a picture, and in my picture i add a caption..with stitch as well...sounds great eh?
thought so...
it's november, and just as a self fulfilled prophecy is, it's sucking. i'm only eleven days into this mess and it's beyound a shit show...yes i just said this goes to eleven and yes i used a u in beyound...
you know, the other day i waited on a guy who questioned where i was from...he wanted to play that game...he guessed africa, australia, and everywhere else...fuck, i thought he was gonna go states, but he went for the countries....he was thrown off by a certain dissertation in my voice, that doesn't make sense, he was thrown off by how i was saying things...i explained to him i mimic everyone i am around all day long..i can do impressions of literally everyone - it comes from having a keen sense of observation and trying to mock all noises you heard as a kid, go figure...yes, i was the kid who made siren noises and barked like a dog because i wanted to sound as close as possible to it.
as i said it's november..this is how i handle things...i keep them inside...the mere fact i am blogging right now is a fucking miracle - the fact i am cursing a lot isn't surprising....don't want shit, don't start no shit then...yes i just used a double negative, yes you can fuck off.
i get angry when i drink..at times...i guess it comes with the territory....i mean mood or month or something...i'm rambling..
you know what i hate, emotion. mother fuck emotions. if there is one thing i'd rather live without it'd be emotions...i don't like it when people cry, i don't like it when people are all in my face happy, and i especially don't like it if i become one of those people...i cried tonight...i felt like a fucking pussy - not because crying is gay, but because it's below me. i didn't cry when TJ passed away, but on;t because i was expecting it...throw me a wrench and i break down, i fucking hate that...i hate losing control, i fucking hate defeat..
someone told me i was still hung up on my ex, you know, the fucking bitch who still owes me 6k - and i'm not saying she owes me six letter K's, i mean six to the thousand dollars ..yeah, not hung up on her as so much i'm hung up on the fact that i failed...i tried, actually tried to get her back - even though i knew it was stupid, i knew we weren't supposed to be together and hell, i actually initiated the breakup - what i can't get a grasp on is the fact that i fucking tried and i failed...i wasn't good enough, i couldn't win..i was a fucking loser..
would i be happy with her now, who the fuck cares, probably not, i'd probably be trying to break up with her again because i talk to fast using words she doesn't understand...you want a grading scale for women try this...take her IQ, subtract her weight, if it's positive you're golden....
i hate dumb bitches like i hate...whatever..emotions? go with that one again...my mouth tastes like a night at louies...where the fuck is the dumb bitch in my bed this evening..
you know what i hate...i hate the fact i wanna write my thoughts down about everything right now...but there's sooo many different parties that would fucking eat this shit up that i just couldn't deal with that...how dare i publish what's going on in my life for others to read...
which leads me into my last thought, i hope....a co-worker of mine found out something random about me and stated he wanted to write a book about the mysterious enigma that is The Jangus - to which i replied if you were to do that, either a lot of pages would be blank, or if the truth got out, a lot of people would riot - i'll keep myself as the deleted chapter in everyone else's lives and fade away...
so here you go..it's november, so if you like me, do me a favor and fuck off til december...i don't want to deal with anyone or anything at the moment because i'll break...self-fulfilling maybe, my reality at the moment, yes.
"you want me to promise you something that's happening in June, i can't even commit to next week...."
Monday, September 07, 2009
Revisited
Feelings,
like the seasons...
same bat time, same bat station..
so the summer is ending with the final sweeps of fried foods from the grounds,which means fall is approaching and schools are back in session. Both college and pro football seasons are kicking off and that means tailgate parties and fucking freshman are also in store.
fall may be my favorite season for some reason or another....i've always like it as the marking of summer being over, everyone who drove around in their fancy convertibles, who ran around with virtually no clothes on just weeks ago; now run inside for shelter from the dropping temperatures, no longer running around outside, no longer cruising down the 'bash for no good reason...they die off just like the leaves on the trees. funny to find beauty in death.
but now i look at fall for the true colors it really is...just a transitional month, hot to cold. it's an end to good weather, and a welcomer to the harsh and bitter cold. and the more i think about it, the more i hate winter....
growing up i never thought i would be able to live in a place that never experienced 'normal' seasonal change, you know, like what we have out here in the midwest....so places like california and florida never really appealed to me...i always thought if it were to be christmas, i'd want snow to be on the ground - i mean how else can your experience that holiday....
well, i hate xmas..so what would it matter if there is snow on the ground....especially when i hate the cold...and as every year passes, i hate the winters more and more...and that means i hate the season changes more and more...
but one may suggest that i should like spring, i mean after all it's the renewal month, the switch to warm weather, things coming to life, heck, my birthday! No. no i say, no. for you see, all that i mentioned earlier would be coming back too..i don't have time for that
i hate the cold, but what i really hate is living in the midwest and having all these fucktards taking advantage of the warm weather, then driving like retards once some snow hits...
i have a headache, i must go now.
"to every thing turn turn turn..."
like the seasons...
same bat time, same bat station..
so the summer is ending with the final sweeps of fried foods from the grounds,which means fall is approaching and schools are back in session. Both college and pro football seasons are kicking off and that means tailgate parties and fucking freshman are also in store.
fall may be my favorite season for some reason or another....i've always like it as the marking of summer being over, everyone who drove around in their fancy convertibles, who ran around with virtually no clothes on just weeks ago; now run inside for shelter from the dropping temperatures, no longer running around outside, no longer cruising down the 'bash for no good reason...they die off just like the leaves on the trees. funny to find beauty in death.
but now i look at fall for the true colors it really is...just a transitional month, hot to cold. it's an end to good weather, and a welcomer to the harsh and bitter cold. and the more i think about it, the more i hate winter....
growing up i never thought i would be able to live in a place that never experienced 'normal' seasonal change, you know, like what we have out here in the midwest....so places like california and florida never really appealed to me...i always thought if it were to be christmas, i'd want snow to be on the ground - i mean how else can your experience that holiday....
well, i hate xmas..so what would it matter if there is snow on the ground....especially when i hate the cold...and as every year passes, i hate the winters more and more...and that means i hate the season changes more and more...
but one may suggest that i should like spring, i mean after all it's the renewal month, the switch to warm weather, things coming to life, heck, my birthday! No. no i say, no. for you see, all that i mentioned earlier would be coming back too..i don't have time for that
i hate the cold, but what i really hate is living in the midwest and having all these fucktards taking advantage of the warm weather, then driving like retards once some snow hits...
i have a headache, i must go now.
"to every thing turn turn turn..."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Alright, Still
enough's enough
is enough...
if you really want something done, you'll do it.
apparently it has been one month since i last updated...it's funny but in a sad way what happens when i wanna blog...when i have things to blog about i'm too busy to blog about them..and when nothing is going on i don't want to dump (even more than normal) crap out onto my pages...but thanks to my avid readers keeping up on me, and my guilty promises i am back once again to write another day.
when i miss a day that i feel everyone should hear about, i put everything on pause until i write that blog, which in most cases is never...and while doing so i neglect any future posts that may be as equally entertaining..all because i am behind....
it's like the boyfriend/husband who is coming home late because he was hanging out with his buddies, but before he walks in the door to find his angry wife, he walks around the block, trying to think of a legitimate excuse for his tardiness, all the while becoming more and more late in the process....it's a viscous cycle and i get sucked in the whirlpool of it right down the drain...
and for the past month of not writing i've been thinking of more posts, more things to write about, that just slip away...great stories, better quotes...all forgotten..just like everything else in life.
so i made a promise, a pinkie promise at that, that i would update by tonight..and if you know me, a pinkie promise is everything...funny how things i learned on the playground still apply today..so, as promised, here it is....hope you're enjoying...
nike had it right with their slogan, "just do it" - nothing could be further from the truth...if you want something accomplished, then do it..actions speak louder than words (funny, yes, i'm blogging words..but it's the act of the blogging..blogging the words...?) i've sat here and thought to myself, and said to myself that i need to blog..just like i need to workout..or do a dozen other things on my daily to-do list i have...but it's just me speaking the words, it's just me that the actions will help out..it's just me who gets yelled at...it's just me doing the yelling, if any...
so next time you ever have something to do..my advice...less talk, more work...just as prayer is useless to getting things accomplished, so is talking about it...
so here it is, a fresh start one month later..how did i get back from ElEh..what's this about a dog..who's this new love...what is the approximate dimensions of a jail cell....all these questions and more will be revealed at a much later date..till then stayed tuned ;-)
"it's only 6pm...i'm only three hours into my day! give me a minute..."
is enough...
if you really want something done, you'll do it.
apparently it has been one month since i last updated...it's funny but in a sad way what happens when i wanna blog...when i have things to blog about i'm too busy to blog about them..and when nothing is going on i don't want to dump (even more than normal) crap out onto my pages...but thanks to my avid readers keeping up on me, and my guilty promises i am back once again to write another day.
when i miss a day that i feel everyone should hear about, i put everything on pause until i write that blog, which in most cases is never...and while doing so i neglect any future posts that may be as equally entertaining..all because i am behind....
it's like the boyfriend/husband who is coming home late because he was hanging out with his buddies, but before he walks in the door to find his angry wife, he walks around the block, trying to think of a legitimate excuse for his tardiness, all the while becoming more and more late in the process....it's a viscous cycle and i get sucked in the whirlpool of it right down the drain...
and for the past month of not writing i've been thinking of more posts, more things to write about, that just slip away...great stories, better quotes...all forgotten..just like everything else in life.
so i made a promise, a pinkie promise at that, that i would update by tonight..and if you know me, a pinkie promise is everything...funny how things i learned on the playground still apply today..so, as promised, here it is....hope you're enjoying...
nike had it right with their slogan, "just do it" - nothing could be further from the truth...if you want something accomplished, then do it..actions speak louder than words (funny, yes, i'm blogging words..but it's the act of the blogging..blogging the words...?) i've sat here and thought to myself, and said to myself that i need to blog..just like i need to workout..or do a dozen other things on my daily to-do list i have...but it's just me speaking the words, it's just me that the actions will help out..it's just me who gets yelled at...it's just me doing the yelling, if any...
so next time you ever have something to do..my advice...less talk, more work...just as prayer is useless to getting things accomplished, so is talking about it...
so here it is, a fresh start one month later..how did i get back from ElEh..what's this about a dog..who's this new love...what is the approximate dimensions of a jail cell....all these questions and more will be revealed at a much later date..till then stayed tuned ;-)
"it's only 6pm...i'm only three hours into my day! give me a minute..."
Monday, July 20, 2009
In El Eh
the city that never sleeps..
err, the sunshine state...
wait, eureka!
my time spent actually in El Eh was limited...i arrived Friday night and was at the apartment by 6pm, their time (real time, people time? not sure) during the course of my travels i acquired an appetite, who even knew what time it really was, my body was done questioning and just wanted answers..in the form of food.
i'm a fan of local fare (fair?) so the roommates brought me to one of their local favs, a place called Home...quaint little concept that i liked. it would be here that
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I'm Baaaack...
From LA that is....
maybe to blogging as well...
but let's not get our hopes up...
el eh el eh...oh what a trip it was, but the time spent in el eh was actually relatively small, details to follow in another post..i left the midwest at noon eastern time friday...made a stop in st louis at the same time i departed..i love transcending time and space..two hour layover later i was back in the air...ughh, how i hate flying...mainly my panicking takes places from take off til about 10 minutes later when we are in the air...then i go to sleep overdosed on Dramamine and alcohol...it would have been awesome to have slept all the way to El Eh but the pilot kept interrupting my nap with *ding*Ahhhhh yeah, if you look out to your left you can see* i don't care...the last thing i want while i'm riding in a plane is to notice landmarks miles and miles below me....is that so when we crash i can say, oh, at least i got to see death valley...fuck that.
i land in El Eh and right off the bat i'm a stranger in a strange land. it wasn't a disco..and it sure as hell wasn't a country club...my friend had emailed me directions on how to get to her place..hopping on a bus to the train, change colored lines, ended up somewhere where a roommate would pick me up..convoluted but after having done it once it all made sense. i asked the nice elderly lady behind the guest help desk at the airport where to catch the greenline metro bus....which is the first time i was yelled at...
so i went to where the lady told me to go....a bus pulls up but it's for the red line...everybody around me gets on..i'm the only one left standing there like a tard..the bus driver now is yelling at me "red line! red line!" i tell him green line...to which he yells for me to go somewhere else..just as i see the green line bus drive by...ughhh
El Eh has the best customer service, ever. the green line goes a little more smoothly...we get to the train station and once again i am lost...i try to follow the herd as some go to a ticket machine, others run up the flight of stairs all the while thinking of those little lemurs who off themselves following the person ahead of them..i go to the ticket machine then head up the stairs..only to just miss that train...well, i guess i know better for next time..
the train ride was an experience let me tell you....the green line had a bit of redemption and welcoming to the city that made me think and feel like this could be home. at one of the various stops an african-american gentleman wearing earphones and a backpack gets on, standing in proximity of me. at this point in the trip i believe i turned off my music to conserve battery in my phone, but left my one ear piece in. i start to hear a bit of music faintly coming from somewhere..i couldn't tell if it was part of the metro car i was in, or someone else..i started to narrow it down coming to the conclusion it was coming from the black guy who just got on...but what was more striking was what i heard. the music had a familiar sound, but it was just faint enough i couldn't readily make it out..
only after the next stop once things got quiet on the train again was i able to hear for certain what it was. i made a gesture to the guy to take out an earpiece, which he obliged looking at first like he was gonna kill me, and then i proceeded to ask him, "are you listening to Ratatat?!" his face changed over to a bit of shock and excitement and concurred that it indeed was what he was listening to. our exchange was short but it left me with a good feeling, also noting that i had just been listening to Ratatat on the bus
as i left the car at my stop the guy wished me a farewell and i head onto the blue line. on that train line i witnessed a bootlegger attempt to hit on a ghetto girl..it's amazing to see the cultural differences on how to pick up women..all sociological studies should be made on trains, you literally get every walk of life. i did my best to contain my laughter by looking away only to have it stirred up by the psycho behind me cursing to himself. the ride was only topped off when the crazy cart lady came on selling sodas and candy from her mobile business device.
it was shortly after that the train came to it's last stop and i moved on to the red line...or so i thought. while waiting in the designated area, i failed to see that two trains ran on the same line, one red, one purple...for you color blind people, sorry about ya. so i see the train approach, the doors open, we left off passengers, and just as i am about to get on this old man starts talking to me, asking me if i am going to hollywood..why yes i am, he then proceeds to tell me it's the next train...at this point i've had about enough El Eh hospitality and think he's fucking with me so he can ensure a spot for himself on this car. i try to understand his reasoning pointing at the sign that says "To Hollywood" wherein he raises he cane and points, at what i believe from my angle to be the same sign..little did i know he was trying to point to the side of the train itself that said it was the purple line going elsewhere...this is about the time he screams at me and another kind lady tells me hollywood is the next train...obliged i step back and wait.
the next train arrives and i get on, making sure i can clearly see the sign on the side of the train that indicates it is going to hollywood...a few more little stops and i was where i needed to be, santa monica blvd. i continued following the outlined directions given to me in my email as my phone was hanging on to it's last percentage of battery life. i called the number for the roommate to come and pick me up - apparently they live just down the road, but people frown upon walking in El Eh, so the roommate came and got me at the corner...
i just put a lot of trust in people i didn't know, when in fact i don't trust many people i do know..
"yeah, you'll notice me, i'll be the one who looks like a tourist and doesn't belong.."
maybe to blogging as well...
but let's not get our hopes up...
el eh el eh...oh what a trip it was, but the time spent in el eh was actually relatively small, details to follow in another post..i left the midwest at noon eastern time friday...made a stop in st louis at the same time i departed..i love transcending time and space..two hour layover later i was back in the air...ughh, how i hate flying...mainly my panicking takes places from take off til about 10 minutes later when we are in the air...then i go to sleep overdosed on Dramamine and alcohol...it would have been awesome to have slept all the way to El Eh but the pilot kept interrupting my nap with *ding*Ahhhhh yeah, if you look out to your left you can see* i don't care...the last thing i want while i'm riding in a plane is to notice landmarks miles and miles below me....is that so when we crash i can say, oh, at least i got to see death valley...fuck that.
i land in El Eh and right off the bat i'm a stranger in a strange land. it wasn't a disco..and it sure as hell wasn't a country club...my friend had emailed me directions on how to get to her place..hopping on a bus to the train, change colored lines, ended up somewhere where a roommate would pick me up..convoluted but after having done it once it all made sense. i asked the nice elderly lady behind the guest help desk at the airport where to catch the greenline metro bus....which is the first time i was yelled at...
so i went to where the lady told me to go....a bus pulls up but it's for the red line...everybody around me gets on..i'm the only one left standing there like a tard..the bus driver now is yelling at me "red line! red line!" i tell him green line...to which he yells for me to go somewhere else..just as i see the green line bus drive by...ughhh
El Eh has the best customer service, ever. the green line goes a little more smoothly...we get to the train station and once again i am lost...i try to follow the herd as some go to a ticket machine, others run up the flight of stairs all the while thinking of those little lemurs who off themselves following the person ahead of them..i go to the ticket machine then head up the stairs..only to just miss that train...well, i guess i know better for next time..
the train ride was an experience let me tell you....the green line had a bit of redemption and welcoming to the city that made me think and feel like this could be home. at one of the various stops an african-american gentleman wearing earphones and a backpack gets on, standing in proximity of me. at this point in the trip i believe i turned off my music to conserve battery in my phone, but left my one ear piece in. i start to hear a bit of music faintly coming from somewhere..i couldn't tell if it was part of the metro car i was in, or someone else..i started to narrow it down coming to the conclusion it was coming from the black guy who just got on...but what was more striking was what i heard. the music had a familiar sound, but it was just faint enough i couldn't readily make it out..
only after the next stop once things got quiet on the train again was i able to hear for certain what it was. i made a gesture to the guy to take out an earpiece, which he obliged looking at first like he was gonna kill me, and then i proceeded to ask him, "are you listening to Ratatat?!" his face changed over to a bit of shock and excitement and concurred that it indeed was what he was listening to. our exchange was short but it left me with a good feeling, also noting that i had just been listening to Ratatat on the bus
as i left the car at my stop the guy wished me a farewell and i head onto the blue line. on that train line i witnessed a bootlegger attempt to hit on a ghetto girl..it's amazing to see the cultural differences on how to pick up women..all sociological studies should be made on trains, you literally get every walk of life. i did my best to contain my laughter by looking away only to have it stirred up by the psycho behind me cursing to himself. the ride was only topped off when the crazy cart lady came on selling sodas and candy from her mobile business device.
it was shortly after that the train came to it's last stop and i moved on to the red line...or so i thought. while waiting in the designated area, i failed to see that two trains ran on the same line, one red, one purple...for you color blind people, sorry about ya. so i see the train approach, the doors open, we left off passengers, and just as i am about to get on this old man starts talking to me, asking me if i am going to hollywood..why yes i am, he then proceeds to tell me it's the next train...at this point i've had about enough El Eh hospitality and think he's fucking with me so he can ensure a spot for himself on this car. i try to understand his reasoning pointing at the sign that says "To Hollywood" wherein he raises he cane and points, at what i believe from my angle to be the same sign..little did i know he was trying to point to the side of the train itself that said it was the purple line going elsewhere...this is about the time he screams at me and another kind lady tells me hollywood is the next train...obliged i step back and wait.
the next train arrives and i get on, making sure i can clearly see the sign on the side of the train that indicates it is going to hollywood...a few more little stops and i was where i needed to be, santa monica blvd. i continued following the outlined directions given to me in my email as my phone was hanging on to it's last percentage of battery life. i called the number for the roommate to come and pick me up - apparently they live just down the road, but people frown upon walking in El Eh, so the roommate came and got me at the corner...
i just put a lot of trust in people i didn't know, when in fact i don't trust many people i do know..
"yeah, you'll notice me, i'll be the one who looks like a tourist and doesn't belong.."
Friday, July 10, 2009
I Swear...
it's so easy...
..it hurts...
he does things so i have something to write about...
..it hurts...
he does things so i have something to write about...
"A friend to all - is a friend to none"
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
It's Been Real
It's been fun...
but it hasn't been real fun..
OR it's cool man, i got this on my own
i'm in a real pisser of a mood...yeah i know it's cas/lax/thurs and all, but i think that's where my trouble began..well, i was doing my best trying to keep in the spirit of the once a week holiday, but it was others who did not want to participate, rather, they were anti cas/lax/thurs.
it didn't help at work that the regional director was there stressing out our GM more than usual either. what should have been a routine thursday double turned out to be a crapshoot. the morning bartender never showed up, so i set up the bar until a replacement was able to get in...but the kicker was that the credit for it was given to the man who brought me one bucket of ice..Mr B Hewey told everyone and even thanked the other server for "setting up the bar"...apparently when Mr B Hewey asked me to do so he meant to ask the other guy..whatever..
and so i closed lunch but was denied a break...yes, denied, so my break consisted of me pooping...which was harder than i thought it was going to be...see, some jackpad locked the door behind him AFTER he left....soooo sat the empty restroom, locked, so nobody could get in....thanks a-hole..
as for the night shift, well...let's just say 6 covers, barely making triple digits for the entire shift, both included...i was just happy to be out the door before ten...but from there it went from bad to worse...
i don't want to get into specifics, it was just one thing after another...and i let it get to me...and i turned into a whiny little bitch about it all...all i wanted to do was drink...but upon arriving home as i got out of my car i could hear loud music and "screams" which were supposed to be singing from some drunks in my apartment - nothing like a buzz kill. i tried to go into my own little world, ignoring the fools and cracking open a bottle of rum....but it proved to be pointless, so i went about finishing up my laundry and pouting.
i actually waited two hours before i wrote this blog as it probably would have gone a completely different route..but i digress, still gets to the point about how pathetic of a night i had without getting into the mushy details of it all...because...i really don't talk about things anyways..
i guess this makes up for how awesome last week's thursday was...but..it didn't have to end this way
"why do i wanna see your tits, how is that gonna make me happy...ok, there they are.........why are they pointing up, that's just weird..definitely not happy but more weirded out by this whole situation, thanks"
but it hasn't been real fun..
OR it's cool man, i got this on my own
i'm in a real pisser of a mood...yeah i know it's cas/lax/thurs and all, but i think that's where my trouble began..well, i was doing my best trying to keep in the spirit of the once a week holiday, but it was others who did not want to participate, rather, they were anti cas/lax/thurs.
it didn't help at work that the regional director was there stressing out our GM more than usual either. what should have been a routine thursday double turned out to be a crapshoot. the morning bartender never showed up, so i set up the bar until a replacement was able to get in...but the kicker was that the credit for it was given to the man who brought me one bucket of ice..Mr B Hewey told everyone and even thanked the other server for "setting up the bar"...apparently when Mr B Hewey asked me to do so he meant to ask the other guy..whatever..
and so i closed lunch but was denied a break...yes, denied, so my break consisted of me pooping...which was harder than i thought it was going to be...see, some jackpad locked the door behind him AFTER he left....soooo sat the empty restroom, locked, so nobody could get in....thanks a-hole..
as for the night shift, well...let's just say 6 covers, barely making triple digits for the entire shift, both included...i was just happy to be out the door before ten...but from there it went from bad to worse...
i don't want to get into specifics, it was just one thing after another...and i let it get to me...and i turned into a whiny little bitch about it all...all i wanted to do was drink...but upon arriving home as i got out of my car i could hear loud music and "screams" which were supposed to be singing from some drunks in my apartment - nothing like a buzz kill. i tried to go into my own little world, ignoring the fools and cracking open a bottle of rum....but it proved to be pointless, so i went about finishing up my laundry and pouting.
i actually waited two hours before i wrote this blog as it probably would have gone a completely different route..but i digress, still gets to the point about how pathetic of a night i had without getting into the mushy details of it all...because...i really don't talk about things anyways..
i guess this makes up for how awesome last week's thursday was...but..it didn't have to end this way
"why do i wanna see your tits, how is that gonna make me happy...ok, there they are.........why are they pointing up, that's just weird..definitely not happy but more weirded out by this whole situation, thanks"
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Remember When....
you know...
..because..
ugh..i.am.so.mad.
well, you remember when i said i was gonna make some more posts for y'all...well, i was working on one, and was near finished, when my browser decided to close..well, good thing blogger has auto save right....right? ri..anybody?
you guessed it, apparently autosave failed to do it's job....and like a plenty of other thoughts i tried to post, texts people never received, it's in some other realm..sooooooo, in light of this craptastic event, i will hopefully move on and post something soon...once i recover...
"Draft autosaved at....NEVER"
..because..
ugh..i.am.so.mad.
well, you remember when i said i was gonna make some more posts for y'all...well, i was working on one, and was near finished, when my browser decided to close..well, good thing blogger has auto save right....right? ri..anybody?
you guessed it, apparently autosave failed to do it's job....and like a plenty of other thoughts i tried to post, texts people never received, it's in some other realm..sooooooo, in light of this craptastic event, i will hopefully move on and post something soon...once i recover...
"Draft autosaved at....NEVER"
Here we Go, Again
ok..
..GO
this post was originally set to choreography on treadmills but has been modified for your approval
alright, after several messages via text and fbchat, i need to get back into this...and here i thought i was on summer vacation, guess not...i'll write again dammit, if it's the last thing i do..just had to...clear up some things?
i just finished a blog post that was typed up and sat in limbo for, well, almost a month it seems...and it kinda just ends, so i apologize for that..i don't remember the direction it was going, but i picked up just like spielberg picked up on A.I. and made the ending as shitty as possible.. i also write the iphone blog and posted that which was the day and was in my mind to be wrote since that date....now as for anything in between....well, i'll maybe write one more post, maybe two, just thrown in there to get us up to speed...but if you don't see them in the next couple of days, you can stop looking for them, as we will be progressing forward
i don't work til 530 today, and instead of going to the gym, or laying out by the pool, i have forced myself to stay in and write something for my restless public, yes once a martyr always a martyr, lol.
i just got back from my chicago fourth of july trip, photography classes are now over, and in three days i'll be in LA..there, caught up enough? ok ok, lot of explaining to do i know...and yes a lot has happened...and yes i've been wanting to blog during this dead time, but i got too afraid of what certain people may read, or read into...and i had to pocket veto my real thoughts and opinions, thus sacrificing the every day blogging i was trying to achieve....
now i'm not one to not post publicly, but there does come a time when i'll go old school and open up one of my paper journals to write in....this time, it didn't happen..i don't know why, it should have, but i just let it go...so another chapter of my life i failed to detail...but let's get back onto topic.
oh, it's tuesday, which means michael jackson's ceremony is eating up every bit of media for the day, cool..way to launch a blog comeback..overshadowed again...but that's all for now...i'm hungry and the way of the sub is calling...stay tuned for more lackluster updates :-D
"he's just a pop singer, not the second-coming..."
..GO
this post was originally set to choreography on treadmills but has been modified for your approval
alright, after several messages via text and fbchat, i need to get back into this...and here i thought i was on summer vacation, guess not...i'll write again dammit, if it's the last thing i do..just had to...clear up some things?
i just finished a blog post that was typed up and sat in limbo for, well, almost a month it seems...and it kinda just ends, so i apologize for that..i don't remember the direction it was going, but i picked up just like spielberg picked up on A.I. and made the ending as shitty as possible.. i also write the iphone blog and posted that which was the day and was in my mind to be wrote since that date....now as for anything in between....well, i'll maybe write one more post, maybe two, just thrown in there to get us up to speed...but if you don't see them in the next couple of days, you can stop looking for them, as we will be progressing forward
i don't work til 530 today, and instead of going to the gym, or laying out by the pool, i have forced myself to stay in and write something for my restless public, yes once a martyr always a martyr, lol.
i just got back from my chicago fourth of july trip, photography classes are now over, and in three days i'll be in LA..there, caught up enough? ok ok, lot of explaining to do i know...and yes a lot has happened...and yes i've been wanting to blog during this dead time, but i got too afraid of what certain people may read, or read into...and i had to pocket veto my real thoughts and opinions, thus sacrificing the every day blogging i was trying to achieve....
now i'm not one to not post publicly, but there does come a time when i'll go old school and open up one of my paper journals to write in....this time, it didn't happen..i don't know why, it should have, but i just let it go...so another chapter of my life i failed to detail...but let's get back onto topic.
oh, it's tuesday, which means michael jackson's ceremony is eating up every bit of media for the day, cool..way to launch a blog comeback..overshadowed again...but that's all for now...i'm hungry and the way of the sub is calling...stay tuned for more lackluster updates :-D
"he's just a pop singer, not the second-coming..."
Friday, June 19, 2009
New iPhone?
did you really...
..could it be true
yes, yes i paid $300 for something i already had
sooooooo, what's the fuck..why would someone who has so vehemently hated the iphone, gone out and bought, literally the same thing..paying good money for something they already had? well, long story short, it's not the same.
the iphone 3Gs should have been the first iphone that apple put out, this phone is worthy of having a label associated with apple. the first phone was a crapshoot - i don't know if i ever posted my extreme dislike for that piece of shit on here before, but one of TJ's friends once asked for a review on it as they were doing a paper on the phone right after it came out....we both wrote our responses, each response totaling close to two thousand words, when come to find out the paper only had to be 750 words, lol.
the second phone that apple introduce was a joke of an update. after one year they hadn't resolved much of any of the the problems with the original...and what i hated most probably were the tons of people that would some pick up their first iphone and rally behind it, as if they were supporters the entire time...as if this 3G phone was actually better than the first...people would soon fall from their self-proposed pedestals...
so now two years later from the release of the original and where are we..3Gs? what the fuck does "s" stand for..super, stupid, shit, stellar...in my opinion, "shoulda been the first, oops"
out of the box the "s" looks exactly like the 2nd generation 3G, but you know the old cliche saying of "don't judge a bitch by her rack" from the get-go the feel is different...the screen has a new coating on it that is noticeable to the avid iphone user...the response time to finger movement is amazing (one thing i have praised apple about is their ability to have a great touch screen interface, very response, no hard hitting needed, no delays, nothing from the competition can *coughcough* touch it) the applications also load a lot faster as well, as a new processor and o/s were installed in the "s". the bluetooth capabilities are now legit-no longer do you need that little box attached to the bottom of your phone for stereo-the camera has had a major overhaul allowing for focusing and now video, and the list can go on...
i love how the 3G'ers are all pissed and refuse to recognize this phone as superior to theirs, but truth be told in side-by-side comparison, it kicks it's ass...my suggestion - if you have the original, get the "s" ...if you have the 3G, get the "s" ...with video capability and soon mms messaging on a faster network, it's like an actual phone...you know, like the one you had before you tossed it aside and got that shitty iphone..do you remember....
ahhhh, i can't wait to have mms to have a real phone again, but in the meantime, i am actually happy with my purchase....
"32gb White please, and no funny stuff..i don't want to chuck this phone through your window like i did with the last one"
..could it be true
yes, yes i paid $300 for something i already had
sooooooo, what's the fuck..why would someone who has so vehemently hated the iphone, gone out and bought, literally the same thing..paying good money for something they already had? well, long story short, it's not the same.
the iphone 3Gs should have been the first iphone that apple put out, this phone is worthy of having a label associated with apple. the first phone was a crapshoot - i don't know if i ever posted my extreme dislike for that piece of shit on here before, but one of TJ's friends once asked for a review on it as they were doing a paper on the phone right after it came out....we both wrote our responses, each response totaling close to two thousand words, when come to find out the paper only had to be 750 words, lol.
the second phone that apple introduce was a joke of an update. after one year they hadn't resolved much of any of the the problems with the original...and what i hated most probably were the tons of people that would some pick up their first iphone and rally behind it, as if they were supporters the entire time...as if this 3G phone was actually better than the first...people would soon fall from their self-proposed pedestals...
so now two years later from the release of the original and where are we..3Gs? what the fuck does "s" stand for..super, stupid, shit, stellar...in my opinion, "shoulda been the first, oops"
out of the box the "s" looks exactly like the 2nd generation 3G, but you know the old cliche saying of "don't judge a bitch by her rack" from the get-go the feel is different...the screen has a new coating on it that is noticeable to the avid iphone user...the response time to finger movement is amazing (one thing i have praised apple about is their ability to have a great touch screen interface, very response, no hard hitting needed, no delays, nothing from the competition can *coughcough* touch it) the applications also load a lot faster as well, as a new processor and o/s were installed in the "s". the bluetooth capabilities are now legit-no longer do you need that little box attached to the bottom of your phone for stereo-the camera has had a major overhaul allowing for focusing and now video, and the list can go on...
i love how the 3G'ers are all pissed and refuse to recognize this phone as superior to theirs, but truth be told in side-by-side comparison, it kicks it's ass...my suggestion - if you have the original, get the "s" ...if you have the 3G, get the "s" ...with video capability and soon mms messaging on a faster network, it's like an actual phone...you know, like the one you had before you tossed it aside and got that shitty iphone..do you remember....
ahhhh, i can't wait to have mms to have a real phone again, but in the meantime, i am actually happy with my purchase....
"32gb White please, and no funny stuff..i don't want to chuck this phone through your window like i did with the last one"
Thursday, June 18, 2009
What's Today's Name?!
oh right..
i think someone forgot...
don't take that, or any attitude with me on today
so today i worked a double....the only break i had was in between my check out at 315 and pre-shift at 4..wow.... *side note - i love the fact that my workplace/management is the only place i have ever worked at where the doubles come in on their second shift before the other half starts their first...that's right...doubles will work 1030 & 4..whereas singles will stroll into work at 530...everything has already been done for them and they are gonna close, get the most covers, and also make the most money...probably more than any double did on both shifts combined..while working a lot less hours for it....fair, not really.
so it's after pre-shift and a few of the single-shifters are actually here at 4 today, wow. so naturally i am slow to start up with an real work...i'll play "polish" in my section, stand up at the host stand to see where i am at and what my tables need to be set for, but as for lemons/butters/whatever...that's for the fresh people who just got here...
i try to avoid the alley as much as possible early in the shift - that's when people are doing their sidework and will rope anyone that comes near them to help out. now this is a problem because the path out to the bathroom or to the back dock is right through the alley...so if you were in need to smoke, potty, whatever you have to walk right through the line of fire so to speak...you cannot linger in the alley, or talk amoungst other co-workers..your time in the alley needs to be as minimal as possible...you need to quickly dart through there as if you are on a mission, because, well, you kinda are...
now, this is easier said than done....the alley is like a vacuum, and as much as you intend on avoiding it, there are only so many places you can stand and talk for so long, you'll eventually find yourself in the alley, leaning on something and talking...i don't know how many times i swear i've woken up to someone asking me to help them out, realizing i wasn't at the bar like the last time i remembered...
so it happened today..and people were all hustlin' and bustlin' about trying to get caught up. lunch was decently busy so we were on lower supply than normal to start the evening off with. it wasn't really low, just out of the comfort range which the night crew usually walks into - ohhh, the ever long battle of who fucks over who the most.....does the night crew leave lots of silverware for the morning crew to take care of, or does the morning crew not give a fuck and leave lots of work for the night crew...answer, both. but the morning crew has the winning advantage in this scenario, those who work the morning shift have to set up the tables for the dinner shift; i.e. the party tables, where there are minimums to be had and what the servers are making is already known...money on demand and they didn't have to do a thing for it..
so today i'm trying to catch a little break and ignore the fools that just came in, but as luck may have it, i'm caught in the back doing minimalistic work. now i am working, polishing some glasses or silverware or what have you..but when it comes to the real tedious work of lemons/butters, eff all that....so the night crew is stressing and start to point blame on the lunch crew and that's about when i let loose.
i don't blow up, o, that would not be in the name or spirit of the day...i kindly remind everyone that it's thursday, or first reservations aren't for another 2 hours...everybody just needs to chill the fuck out..the work will get done, stressing over it is only gonna agitate everyone..
why are people like this...there was no time constraint, there was no need for people to start worrying about the lack of sets, i don't know it just bothers me and i'm done talking about it...
"di..did everyone forget what today is...do i need to remind them?!"
i think someone forgot...
don't take that, or any attitude with me on today
so today i worked a double....the only break i had was in between my check out at 315 and pre-shift at 4..wow.... *side note - i love the fact that my workplace/management is the only place i have ever worked at where the doubles come in on their second shift before the other half starts their first...that's right...doubles will work 1030 & 4..whereas singles will stroll into work at 530...everything has already been done for them and they are gonna close, get the most covers, and also make the most money...probably more than any double did on both shifts combined..while working a lot less hours for it....fair, not really.
so it's after pre-shift and a few of the single-shifters are actually here at 4 today, wow. so naturally i am slow to start up with an real work...i'll play "polish" in my section, stand up at the host stand to see where i am at and what my tables need to be set for, but as for lemons/butters/whatever...that's for the fresh people who just got here...
i try to avoid the alley as much as possible early in the shift - that's when people are doing their sidework and will rope anyone that comes near them to help out. now this is a problem because the path out to the bathroom or to the back dock is right through the alley...so if you were in need to smoke, potty, whatever you have to walk right through the line of fire so to speak...you cannot linger in the alley, or talk amoungst other co-workers..your time in the alley needs to be as minimal as possible...you need to quickly dart through there as if you are on a mission, because, well, you kinda are...
now, this is easier said than done....the alley is like a vacuum, and as much as you intend on avoiding it, there are only so many places you can stand and talk for so long, you'll eventually find yourself in the alley, leaning on something and talking...i don't know how many times i swear i've woken up to someone asking me to help them out, realizing i wasn't at the bar like the last time i remembered...
so it happened today..and people were all hustlin' and bustlin' about trying to get caught up. lunch was decently busy so we were on lower supply than normal to start the evening off with. it wasn't really low, just out of the comfort range which the night crew usually walks into - ohhh, the ever long battle of who fucks over who the most.....does the night crew leave lots of silverware for the morning crew to take care of, or does the morning crew not give a fuck and leave lots of work for the night crew...answer, both. but the morning crew has the winning advantage in this scenario, those who work the morning shift have to set up the tables for the dinner shift; i.e. the party tables, where there are minimums to be had and what the servers are making is already known...money on demand and they didn't have to do a thing for it..
so today i'm trying to catch a little break and ignore the fools that just came in, but as luck may have it, i'm caught in the back doing minimalistic work. now i am working, polishing some glasses or silverware or what have you..but when it comes to the real tedious work of lemons/butters, eff all that....so the night crew is stressing and start to point blame on the lunch crew and that's about when i let loose.
i don't blow up, o, that would not be in the name or spirit of the day...i kindly remind everyone that it's thursday, or first reservations aren't for another 2 hours...everybody just needs to chill the fuck out..the work will get done, stressing over it is only gonna agitate everyone..
why are people like this...there was no time constraint, there was no need for people to start worrying about the lack of sets, i don't know it just bothers me and i'm done talking about it...
"di..did everyone forget what today is...do i need to remind them?!"
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
OverLoaded
overwhelmed..
but it's just right..
because if it's not all right at first, fuck it
And to think, when i started getting back into blogging at the beginning of this week, i originally had to 'pace' myself because i was a day ahead of my blogs...now, well, i'm like the bulls struggling to come back from behind...
so after all my visitors have come and gone it's time to get things right on my end..so, naturally i take on too many large tasks at one time...so with the induction of so many different things into my life, it's only fair to say it's causing a strain on me.
i want to keep writing, i would really like to write something every day - i get a kick out of looking at my blogger homepage and seeing all my posts, with all the dates they were posted next to it in a numerical succession...i know i've said before to others, if you want to write, then f'ing do it, so i really don't have an excuse..but sometimes i avoid writing because i know how long it actually takes to fully make a blog posting.. granted ideally i try to write a blog in one sitting, no interruptions, and definitely on reading back on what i wrote..it's hard when i'm sitting on the computer...people will only IM, or facebook chat me when i'm writing (and ughhhh, facebook chat is the worst - only because i am then locked into that tabbed page in my browser, not allowing me to go anywhere else..)
something else i tried to get back into this week was going to the gym...it's been since my sickness back in the middle of march since i was dedicated about going. since march up until last week i probably saw the inside of a gym for a count less than double digits - and it shows.
i'm an all or nothing type of person, i'll either do something fully right, or not do it at all...doing something half-assed or temporarily is a waste in my opinion. like there was a time i wanted a display shelf for my salt shaker collection, i had this grand layout of what i wanted. then someone suggested to me to make up something not as grandiose in the meantime to hold the shakers - i scoffed at the idea, why would i waste money, time, and effort of something that wasn't up to my standards, something i didn't really want, something that was just going to get replaced..
same goes for actions in my life, such as the gym...sure there have been days i probably could have made it into the gym, but that was only a couple times a week..the other days were chockabok full, so any weight training would render useless .... you see where i'm going with this...
so i like starting clean slate, cold turkey, big/powerful movements..and in the process of doing so, i can take off a little more than i can chew...starting blogging, and working out, and other things all on the same week, the same day, it can get a little hectic...i naturally take on more than i should, but i am able to handle it just as well...
like the other day it was lunch, and my manager asked me to pick up a table because the server it was assigned to couldn't get to it....picking up that table would make it my sixth table, mind you i have a VIP all the way in the back dining room too..so long story short, i pick up a sixth table no where near my section, because the other server couldn't handle his third...
did i stress..well, i never really stress or am in the weeds at work..i just have to work a little faster or manage my time a little more wisely...as it is changeable during your shift on the floor...
so yeah, just wanted to give y'all a little heads up on what's been going on...that's all i got, i'm busy, lol
"i have more tables than anyone else....any everyone is running around like retards at a fun house"
but it's just right..
because if it's not all right at first, fuck it
And to think, when i started getting back into blogging at the beginning of this week, i originally had to 'pace' myself because i was a day ahead of my blogs...now, well, i'm like the bulls struggling to come back from behind...
so after all my visitors have come and gone it's time to get things right on my end..so, naturally i take on too many large tasks at one time...so with the induction of so many different things into my life, it's only fair to say it's causing a strain on me.
i want to keep writing, i would really like to write something every day - i get a kick out of looking at my blogger homepage and seeing all my posts, with all the dates they were posted next to it in a numerical succession...i know i've said before to others, if you want to write, then f'ing do it, so i really don't have an excuse..but sometimes i avoid writing because i know how long it actually takes to fully make a blog posting.. granted ideally i try to write a blog in one sitting, no interruptions, and definitely on reading back on what i wrote..it's hard when i'm sitting on the computer...people will only IM, or facebook chat me when i'm writing (and ughhhh, facebook chat is the worst - only because i am then locked into that tabbed page in my browser, not allowing me to go anywhere else..)
something else i tried to get back into this week was going to the gym...it's been since my sickness back in the middle of march since i was dedicated about going. since march up until last week i probably saw the inside of a gym for a count less than double digits - and it shows.
i'm an all or nothing type of person, i'll either do something fully right, or not do it at all...doing something half-assed or temporarily is a waste in my opinion. like there was a time i wanted a display shelf for my salt shaker collection, i had this grand layout of what i wanted. then someone suggested to me to make up something not as grandiose in the meantime to hold the shakers - i scoffed at the idea, why would i waste money, time, and effort of something that wasn't up to my standards, something i didn't really want, something that was just going to get replaced..
same goes for actions in my life, such as the gym...sure there have been days i probably could have made it into the gym, but that was only a couple times a week..the other days were chockabok full, so any weight training would render useless .... you see where i'm going with this...
so i like starting clean slate, cold turkey, big/powerful movements..and in the process of doing so, i can take off a little more than i can chew...starting blogging, and working out, and other things all on the same week, the same day, it can get a little hectic...i naturally take on more than i should, but i am able to handle it just as well...
like the other day it was lunch, and my manager asked me to pick up a table because the server it was assigned to couldn't get to it....picking up that table would make it my sixth table, mind you i have a VIP all the way in the back dining room too..so long story short, i pick up a sixth table no where near my section, because the other server couldn't handle his third...
did i stress..well, i never really stress or am in the weeds at work..i just have to work a little faster or manage my time a little more wisely...as it is changeable during your shift on the floor...
so yeah, just wanted to give y'all a little heads up on what's been going on...that's all i got, i'm busy, lol
"i have more tables than anyone else....any everyone is running around like retards at a fun house"
Monday, June 15, 2009
It's My Business
..to give you the business...
it's not your business...
i think we are going out of business.....
i have a problem with the way i end my posts....it's either way too abrupt, or just continues without a real definitive ending, until i abruptly stop it..i guess i should pay more attention on how authors end their chapters, or look back to how i ended some of the posts i liked the most...either way, i'll come to a conclusion that i am just no good at ending things....
but let's move on....the other day i actually had a moment of inspiration that i am starting to work on...i was in the shower no less - it's funny to me that the shower is my little moment of zen..it's a time of privacy, in an enclosed small space all to yourself, water falling, like a baptismal cleansing not only your body, but your mind.. - wow, random of trackness..ok, where was i.....oh right, shower....so i was in the showering, don't ask me specifically what i was doing i don't remember, and i start thinking about a girl i saw earlier..
it was earlier that monday and i was joining some friends for lunch at a local eatery downtown - god i love local fare. so as we all were enjoying our creole cuisine a young lady and guy sit down at the open table next to us, well, it wasn't right next to us it was two tables over, whatever. the restaurant was small, with weird angles, making it hard to people watch - again something i love - but the couple stood out amongst the other hipsters (she was cute, he fit in), but it was more than that, they weren't eating..in fact they were filling out applications.
it got me thinking, well one should she get hired my body (and anybody within a mile radius of me) would end up hating me, as i would be there every day....and they would be fools not to hire her..but the other is what we are going for....obviously she is in need of money or something to do..and as you have gathered from my desire of tearing up my innards just just to catch a glimpse of her she must have some killer looks....put this together with my re-found passion of photography, therefore lack of a portfolio and you got yourself a killer scheme...
so my plan, in a nutshell would have been to approach said hottie, address her needs for money, and exploit that by paying her to be my model for some shoots....god, when put like that it sounds like an average episode of bangbus or something (she's probably not a slut though, let's hope, i don't have time for sluts..) but it got me thinking....i can't approach this chick out of the blue, tell her she looks cute and expect to exchange information with her...not without some credentials....
and just what might those credentials be...business cards, lol. i know, who would have thought something as simple as a piece of paper could have so much meaning or power, well, not the graduates i know...
so yeah...all this has got me in the process of designing my very own business cards and thinking about working on my website - which the latter is an actual plan from,oh i don't know, 2006? who knows, this may actually amount to something...and if it doesn't, i'll have another stack of business cards i can haphazardly hand out to people....and yes, this all stemmed from thinking about a girl in the shower, lol!
"business cards, it's the perfect way to pick up girls, it's so legit they can't say no!"
it's not your business...
i think we are going out of business.....
i have a problem with the way i end my posts....it's either way too abrupt, or just continues without a real definitive ending, until i abruptly stop it..i guess i should pay more attention on how authors end their chapters, or look back to how i ended some of the posts i liked the most...either way, i'll come to a conclusion that i am just no good at ending things....
but let's move on....the other day i actually had a moment of inspiration that i am starting to work on...i was in the shower no less - it's funny to me that the shower is my little moment of zen..it's a time of privacy, in an enclosed small space all to yourself, water falling, like a baptismal cleansing not only your body, but your mind.. - wow, random of trackness..ok, where was i.....oh right, shower....so i was in the showering, don't ask me specifically what i was doing i don't remember, and i start thinking about a girl i saw earlier..
it was earlier that monday and i was joining some friends for lunch at a local eatery downtown - god i love local fare. so as we all were enjoying our creole cuisine a young lady and guy sit down at the open table next to us, well, it wasn't right next to us it was two tables over, whatever. the restaurant was small, with weird angles, making it hard to people watch - again something i love - but the couple stood out amongst the other hipsters (she was cute, he fit in), but it was more than that, they weren't eating..in fact they were filling out applications.
it got me thinking, well one should she get hired my body (and anybody within a mile radius of me) would end up hating me, as i would be there every day....and they would be fools not to hire her..but the other is what we are going for....obviously she is in need of money or something to do..and as you have gathered from my desire of tearing up my innards just just to catch a glimpse of her she must have some killer looks....put this together with my re-found passion of photography, therefore lack of a portfolio and you got yourself a killer scheme...
so my plan, in a nutshell would have been to approach said hottie, address her needs for money, and exploit that by paying her to be my model for some shoots....god, when put like that it sounds like an average episode of bangbus or something (she's probably not a slut though, let's hope, i don't have time for sluts..) but it got me thinking....i can't approach this chick out of the blue, tell her she looks cute and expect to exchange information with her...not without some credentials....
and just what might those credentials be...business cards, lol. i know, who would have thought something as simple as a piece of paper could have so much meaning or power, well, not the graduates i know...
so yeah...all this has got me in the process of designing my very own business cards and thinking about working on my website - which the latter is an actual plan from,oh i don't know, 2006? who knows, this may actually amount to something...and if it doesn't, i'll have another stack of business cards i can haphazardly hand out to people....and yes, this all stemmed from thinking about a girl in the shower, lol!
"business cards, it's the perfect way to pick up girls, it's so legit they can't say no!"
Presentation of Self
the masks we don
whether it's put on by ourselves or others..
a presence perceived is a presence achieved....
i'm not even sure how to begin this blog, but it's been a reoccurring topic and something on my mind for the past couple of weeks now - just what is people's deal? ok, now that's way too broad of a statement, but what i want to know is, what's with their skewed perception of yours truly.
i think it all started a couple weeks ago with an online conversation with a former co-worker. i started the conversation, which is something i don't ever do with this person, but i wanted to know what was going on - recently she had asked that i request her twitter friendship so i could follow her once again, i guess in one of her drunk stupors she accidentally deleted me. so i obliged and requested the ability to follow which went unanswered for some time. when i asked her about it she told me she was having second thoughts about me following her and vice versa.
whaaaat? second thoughts about having me follow her and her follow me? did we just break up or something, i don't understand....i ask for some sort of explanation (also knowing that there is no legitimate reason for this foolishness) and i received a long line of bull. as it turns out, in her opinion, she felt that after reading some of my blogs and twitts that she did not know me.
she went on to say that the person she read about was not the person she knew at work - the one who quote, had life in the palm of his hands endquote. she went on to say maybe she was in the wrong, maybe i was always like the person who blogged but she never saw it, never really got to know me..maybe it was her own fault, she created this allusion and character that she needed..she put a cape on me and gave me a false name, Chad. she created me as how she wanted to see me.
i've always been this person who blogs the true horrors and pains of life..but also who celebrates when there are victories...life is a tragedy, all you can do is laugh. you know, maybe i wasn't the man behind the blog when she saw me...i had wet feet for the better part of the first year, fresh out of CP - and now i realize that's exactly what a new environment does to me, it evokes a raw form of emotions....i'm new to a place, a strange in a strange land if you will, and that high gets me more riled up than internet users and a newer version of some social networking site...
i suppose i do come out the gates running strong, ready to take on whatever is thrown at me with such a vigor for life - maybe more like an excited puppy to be in a new place, i think would best describe me. trying to take in as much as possible, trying to claim everything as mine, starting anew, clean slate, another chance to do it all again, but hopefully differently this time. and of course as time goes on, i lose the vigor, things fall into place, but not as i would like..and around that two year mark i get that too settled unsettling feeling that makes me feel like i am wasting away, slowly dying with nothing to show...so i pack up to start somewhere else, new, again..to feel alive once more hoping that this leap, will be the right leap, home.
i'm sure there will be some things to add to on this post, but that's all i got for now...
"No one knows what it's like, To be the bad man,To be the sad man, Behind blue eyes"
whether it's put on by ourselves or others..
a presence perceived is a presence achieved....
i'm not even sure how to begin this blog, but it's been a reoccurring topic and something on my mind for the past couple of weeks now - just what is people's deal? ok, now that's way too broad of a statement, but what i want to know is, what's with their skewed perception of yours truly.
i think it all started a couple weeks ago with an online conversation with a former co-worker. i started the conversation, which is something i don't ever do with this person, but i wanted to know what was going on - recently she had asked that i request her twitter friendship so i could follow her once again, i guess in one of her drunk stupors she accidentally deleted me. so i obliged and requested the ability to follow which went unanswered for some time. when i asked her about it she told me she was having second thoughts about me following her and vice versa.
whaaaat? second thoughts about having me follow her and her follow me? did we just break up or something, i don't understand....i ask for some sort of explanation (also knowing that there is no legitimate reason for this foolishness) and i received a long line of bull. as it turns out, in her opinion, she felt that after reading some of my blogs and twitts that she did not know me.
she went on to say that the person she read about was not the person she knew at work - the one who quote, had life in the palm of his hands endquote. she went on to say maybe she was in the wrong, maybe i was always like the person who blogged but she never saw it, never really got to know me..maybe it was her own fault, she created this allusion and character that she needed..she put a cape on me and gave me a false name, Chad. she created me as how she wanted to see me.
i've always been this person who blogs the true horrors and pains of life..but also who celebrates when there are victories...life is a tragedy, all you can do is laugh. you know, maybe i wasn't the man behind the blog when she saw me...i had wet feet for the better part of the first year, fresh out of CP - and now i realize that's exactly what a new environment does to me, it evokes a raw form of emotions....i'm new to a place, a strange in a strange land if you will, and that high gets me more riled up than internet users and a newer version of some social networking site...
i suppose i do come out the gates running strong, ready to take on whatever is thrown at me with such a vigor for life - maybe more like an excited puppy to be in a new place, i think would best describe me. trying to take in as much as possible, trying to claim everything as mine, starting anew, clean slate, another chance to do it all again, but hopefully differently this time. and of course as time goes on, i lose the vigor, things fall into place, but not as i would like..and around that two year mark i get that too settled unsettling feeling that makes me feel like i am wasting away, slowly dying with nothing to show...so i pack up to start somewhere else, new, again..to feel alive once more hoping that this leap, will be the right leap, home.
i'm sure there will be some things to add to on this post, but that's all i got for now...
"No one knows what it's like, To be the bad man,To be the sad man, Behind blue eyes"
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Ok Ok Ok Ok
I know, i know..
don't hate
it's working..dirty seconds - said in ugly spanglish accent
alright, here we are again, a lack of updates and another sunday trying to play catch up..which reminds me of a joke...a pappa tomatoe, momma tomatoe, and kid tomatoe.....anyways, i digress
of course as i finally plop myself in front of my computer all bits of stories and whatnot flies away from me like the lint and dust from the cushions. i really do want to get 'back on track' as much as i know that statement to mean. and what i'm about to say will upset a certain person, but dammit you can't please everyone, so i have stopped trying....
i had a visitor for the past two weeks, and although i appreciate having people that want to spend time with me, it's the same story of girlfriends past told time and time again. situation is people enter my world and then my world, as i knew it, ceases to exist. whenever i have had visitors/girlfriends/whatever i sacrifice myself and my rituals, the betterment of myself, for the other person...i know i'm not the only one to have ever done this...how many times have you had some sort of daily ritual, whether it be school, work, working out, yoga, whatever; that, when someone else enters your realm, the former is skipped out on.
now i am going to receive some heat from this, but no offence, i'll blame myself..i try to make time for the newer element by sacrificing every little thing in world....i'll take off of work early, i'll skip the gym, i'll not get the mail..i try to make the most out of the other persons visit, that, by the time it is over i m almost relieved, which shouldn't be the case...
and yes, i hear over and over "you don't have to do all that, you can do what you normally do" but people don't say what they truly feel or think..so i know better..i know they don't want to sit around while i run my errands or do whatever after they just sat around for the past 8 hours while i was at work...
but it isn't limited to visits, as the most recent case may suggest, it's girlfriends in general....girls really do equal money times time (and therefore the root of all evil..)... sure i grew up as an only child, sure that's how i like things, sure that's what i am used to - and sure i may be a republican..it all adds up to me not being a fan of changes in my life that i lack control of.
what am i getting at...simply i am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life....because i have spent too long giving up parts of my life for other people only to not have them in the present..i guess i need to look out for number one...but in that process you'll be called selfish - those are just some of the contradictory quotes i've questioned while growing up - and still if you're real you'll be called jaded, if you hide it, you're called fake..efff it.
"you're a vacation when i didn't need one"
don't hate
it's working..dirty seconds - said in ugly spanglish accent
alright, here we are again, a lack of updates and another sunday trying to play catch up..which reminds me of a joke...a pappa tomatoe, momma tomatoe, and kid tomatoe.....anyways, i digress
of course as i finally plop myself in front of my computer all bits of stories and whatnot flies away from me like the lint and dust from the cushions. i really do want to get 'back on track' as much as i know that statement to mean. and what i'm about to say will upset a certain person, but dammit you can't please everyone, so i have stopped trying....
i had a visitor for the past two weeks, and although i appreciate having people that want to spend time with me, it's the same story of girlfriends past told time and time again. situation is people enter my world and then my world, as i knew it, ceases to exist. whenever i have had visitors/girlfriends/whatever i sacrifice myself and my rituals, the betterment of myself, for the other person...i know i'm not the only one to have ever done this...how many times have you had some sort of daily ritual, whether it be school, work, working out, yoga, whatever; that, when someone else enters your realm, the former is skipped out on.
now i am going to receive some heat from this, but no offence, i'll blame myself..i try to make time for the newer element by sacrificing every little thing in world....i'll take off of work early, i'll skip the gym, i'll not get the mail..i try to make the most out of the other persons visit, that, by the time it is over i m almost relieved, which shouldn't be the case...
and yes, i hear over and over "you don't have to do all that, you can do what you normally do" but people don't say what they truly feel or think..so i know better..i know they don't want to sit around while i run my errands or do whatever after they just sat around for the past 8 hours while i was at work...
but it isn't limited to visits, as the most recent case may suggest, it's girlfriends in general....girls really do equal money times time (and therefore the root of all evil..)... sure i grew up as an only child, sure that's how i like things, sure that's what i am used to - and sure i may be a republican..it all adds up to me not being a fan of changes in my life that i lack control of.
what am i getting at...simply i am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life....because i have spent too long giving up parts of my life for other people only to not have them in the present..i guess i need to look out for number one...but in that process you'll be called selfish - those are just some of the contradictory quotes i've questioned while growing up - and still if you're real you'll be called jaded, if you hide it, you're called fake..efff it.
"you're a vacation when i didn't need one"
Friday, June 05, 2009
Empty Units
putting an end..
..to the means..
closing the doors in more ways than one in two places....
this past week i did something i've been meaning to do for a long time....it was officially wrote down on my "ToDo List" for after the summer of '06...three years in the making, three long years of pulling the idea off the shelf, blowing the dust off of it, and putting it right back there... this week it all came to a close.
it started last friday when i decided to put my thoughts into action - without fully knowing my schedule i went ahead and made calls to get the balls rolling...i called and got a storage unit right here in indy - literally a block from my current apartment. then an order was placed for a uhaul to be taken one way from the region. the balls were in motion and a lot of stress built up.
monday morning i acted on the calls and great plans and headed to the region with one goal in mind...never look back. for the past three years i have wanted to consolidate the two storage units i have spread out across the state...two storage units, two different time zones, two different eras in my life....all coming together.
i started my mission on the oldest part of my life, the storage unit i have had the longest, also the furthest away. some time in 2004 is when i put my region life into a 5 by 8 by 12 box, sealed from top to bottom, without my ability to go in there and go through things - except the filing cabinet i left at the front door.
i reserved the second smallest truck which i figured would allow me to fill it with either storage unit with ease...looking back i think i could have used the smallest truck, but it would have been jam packed..this one gave me some leeway..
moday.one day.up to the region. load up. drive back to indy. unload. that in itself was a task, thankfully i got the night off from work, not that i don't need to work, i just couldn't do all that in one day and survive.
the next day was on to btown, this time the round trip would solely be in the uhaul. the btown storage was a bit different...a very large unit with a lot of excess room..things scattered about - a place i have been going in an out of like it was my girlfriend. on a sad note, the storage unit also was home to the random things TJ left behind when he was abruptly removed from btown back in the beginning of 2007 - i don't even know what his boxes consist of.
wednesday morning i spent unloading the truck of the stuff from btown and organizing it with the things from the region. i was disappointed to find out that most of the things from the region storage were slightly water damaged...this put a damper on my fiscal plans as i hoped to sell certain items such as dressers and pool tables i had - instead i had to pry open the wooden drawers of my dressers to reveal and sort the findings.
and what was most tragic about that was, the items that were inside the drawers were moist as well...my main gripe was really the only thing i wanted out of that storage unit, the drawer full of pictures....pictures ranging from my childhood and baby pictures, to all the random pictures from my pityparty/high school days...
but now it's all together, in one location...granted i need to go through everything - i still plan on selling/throwing away a lot of things. i will be saving money having everything all in one place, and should i ever move, everything is is one location, one location that is actually supported by PODS.
but deeper than all that is me closing two doors of my life at once..with the removal of having a storage unit in the region, and with a lack of family in the region i no longer have any ties to that area...same goes for btown - although i still have my POBox there for the time being, that's a small price to pay in comparison to the huge storage unit.
by emptying out those containers, i've moved on with my life..this is just the first step of me getting it the fuck together?
"it's easier to leave than to be left behind"
..to the means..
closing the doors in more ways than one in two places....
this past week i did something i've been meaning to do for a long time....it was officially wrote down on my "ToDo List" for after the summer of '06...three years in the making, three long years of pulling the idea off the shelf, blowing the dust off of it, and putting it right back there... this week it all came to a close.
it started last friday when i decided to put my thoughts into action - without fully knowing my schedule i went ahead and made calls to get the balls rolling...i called and got a storage unit right here in indy - literally a block from my current apartment. then an order was placed for a uhaul to be taken one way from the region. the balls were in motion and a lot of stress built up.
monday morning i acted on the calls and great plans and headed to the region with one goal in mind...never look back. for the past three years i have wanted to consolidate the two storage units i have spread out across the state...two storage units, two different time zones, two different eras in my life....all coming together.
i started my mission on the oldest part of my life, the storage unit i have had the longest, also the furthest away. some time in 2004 is when i put my region life into a 5 by 8 by 12 box, sealed from top to bottom, without my ability to go in there and go through things - except the filing cabinet i left at the front door.
i reserved the second smallest truck which i figured would allow me to fill it with either storage unit with ease...looking back i think i could have used the smallest truck, but it would have been jam packed..this one gave me some leeway..
moday.one day.up to the region. load up. drive back to indy. unload. that in itself was a task, thankfully i got the night off from work, not that i don't need to work, i just couldn't do all that in one day and survive.
the next day was on to btown, this time the round trip would solely be in the uhaul. the btown storage was a bit different...a very large unit with a lot of excess room..things scattered about - a place i have been going in an out of like it was my girlfriend. on a sad note, the storage unit also was home to the random things TJ left behind when he was abruptly removed from btown back in the beginning of 2007 - i don't even know what his boxes consist of.
wednesday morning i spent unloading the truck of the stuff from btown and organizing it with the things from the region. i was disappointed to find out that most of the things from the region storage were slightly water damaged...this put a damper on my fiscal plans as i hoped to sell certain items such as dressers and pool tables i had - instead i had to pry open the wooden drawers of my dressers to reveal and sort the findings.
and what was most tragic about that was, the items that were inside the drawers were moist as well...my main gripe was really the only thing i wanted out of that storage unit, the drawer full of pictures....pictures ranging from my childhood and baby pictures, to all the random pictures from my pityparty/high school days...
but now it's all together, in one location...granted i need to go through everything - i still plan on selling/throwing away a lot of things. i will be saving money having everything all in one place, and should i ever move, everything is is one location, one location that is actually supported by PODS.
but deeper than all that is me closing two doors of my life at once..with the removal of having a storage unit in the region, and with a lack of family in the region i no longer have any ties to that area...same goes for btown - although i still have my POBox there for the time being, that's a small price to pay in comparison to the huge storage unit.
by emptying out those containers, i've moved on with my life..this is just the first step of me getting it the fuck together?
"it's easier to leave than to be left behind"
National Doughnut Day!
if america runs on dunkin...
..consider me Usain Bolt
donuts, is there anything they can't do?
so today is national doughnut day..the first friday of june every year....i don't know the story behind it, why that day in particular, i just roll with it. so i made a mission to hit up the three major doughnut shops on the southside; DD, KK, and Long's.
my first stop was my beloved Dunkin Donuts. They had a promotion for the day, if you buy any drink, you get a donut for free..alright, i have time for that..although this is very similar to their standard everyday promotion of buy a coffee and get a donut for free...whatever, DD is my favorite, i think i like the cake versus whatever everyone else uses..
the next stop was onto Krispy Kreme. now unlike DD, KK had no signage or banners or anything informing people that it was NationalDonutDay, so i was skeptical...already having a dislike for KK this was not going to go over well with me...now i'm sure what it is i don't like about KK, but if i had to say i think it was everyone's overhype about a sub-par product..that i didn't grow up on KK, but rather DD reminds me of weekends spent with my grandparents...that DD is part of my life whereas KK is an infiltrator...well, lucky for them they were celebrating the holiday..all you have to do is walk in and get your free donut of any kind...this is similar to their "when the light is on, come and get a free donut" - granted it's just their standard donut, it still is an every day thing...none-the-less i am happy with my blueberry frosted donut and we are on to our third and final stop.
we pull up to long's bakery, the quote staple for donuts in indy endquote. again, no signs or anything making note of the holiday, so we head inside..there's a line so i think this must be a good indication, then again, everyone "loves" long's so it could just be that..we make it to the front of the line and i ask the lady behind the counter if they are doing anything special for the holiday made just for them...the lady is aware of the holiday, but apparently long's doesn't acknowledge it and therefore are not doing anything special in terms of pricing or give-aways. i preceded to make a scene, quoting the quote mentioned earlier in this paragraph, and leave letting them know this was the final straw...i would officially be boycotting Long's - again, another dislike for another donut shop because people claim it to be better than anything else..how dare they..
the only donut shop that could rival DD would be Square Donuts based out of TheHole..sure they are KK like, but the shape is what makes them...they opened one in Btown and for those of you who have yet to try them...seriously do...granted the one in Btown has erratic hours, if you see they are open with the sign on, go in, you will be amused and happy!
but like all good things, my holiday must come to an end...sure it is friday, but i'm scheduled? this will be the first friday i have worked since...valentine's weekend? so i suit up and head on in...but are there donuts at work..no....ughhh, i'm losing faith in people...
"today is what day? -- FUCK YEAH DONUT DAY!"
..consider me Usain Bolt
donuts, is there anything they can't do?
so today is national doughnut day..the first friday of june every year....i don't know the story behind it, why that day in particular, i just roll with it. so i made a mission to hit up the three major doughnut shops on the southside; DD, KK, and Long's.
my first stop was my beloved Dunkin Donuts. They had a promotion for the day, if you buy any drink, you get a donut for free..alright, i have time for that..although this is very similar to their standard everyday promotion of buy a coffee and get a donut for free...whatever, DD is my favorite, i think i like the cake versus whatever everyone else uses..
the next stop was onto Krispy Kreme. now unlike DD, KK had no signage or banners or anything informing people that it was NationalDonutDay, so i was skeptical...already having a dislike for KK this was not going to go over well with me...now i'm sure what it is i don't like about KK, but if i had to say i think it was everyone's overhype about a sub-par product..that i didn't grow up on KK, but rather DD reminds me of weekends spent with my grandparents...that DD is part of my life whereas KK is an infiltrator...well, lucky for them they were celebrating the holiday..all you have to do is walk in and get your free donut of any kind...this is similar to their "when the light is on, come and get a free donut" - granted it's just their standard donut, it still is an every day thing...none-the-less i am happy with my blueberry frosted donut and we are on to our third and final stop.
we pull up to long's bakery, the quote staple for donuts in indy endquote. again, no signs or anything making note of the holiday, so we head inside..there's a line so i think this must be a good indication, then again, everyone "loves" long's so it could just be that..we make it to the front of the line and i ask the lady behind the counter if they are doing anything special for the holiday made just for them...the lady is aware of the holiday, but apparently long's doesn't acknowledge it and therefore are not doing anything special in terms of pricing or give-aways. i preceded to make a scene, quoting the quote mentioned earlier in this paragraph, and leave letting them know this was the final straw...i would officially be boycotting Long's - again, another dislike for another donut shop because people claim it to be better than anything else..how dare they..
the only donut shop that could rival DD would be Square Donuts based out of TheHole..sure they are KK like, but the shape is what makes them...they opened one in Btown and for those of you who have yet to try them...seriously do...granted the one in Btown has erratic hours, if you see they are open with the sign on, go in, you will be amused and happy!
but like all good things, my holiday must come to an end...sure it is friday, but i'm scheduled? this will be the first friday i have worked since...valentine's weekend? so i suit up and head on in...but are there donuts at work..no....ughhh, i'm losing faith in people...
"today is what day? -- FUCK YEAH DONUT DAY!"
Thursday, June 04, 2009
I Was Told To Write
..and i do what i'm told...
..unless i don't want to do it...
i guess it depends on how you come at me
alright, back at it by popular demand...well, not really back..just another blog post for you....i know i have slacked off in the past week or so, but as i have always said, and will continue to say, "once things start happening in my life, i no longer have the time to tell them" so here is an impromptu post
i guess i do have things to talk about, but i'll post them later, i promise...after receiving some text messages telling me i need to start writing i decided to take the, advice...i guess my time away was enough time for people to catch up on my daily blogs from weeks prior.
it's summer, or something close to it - so the money is going away in the restaurant business..unless you work at some travel destination, save up and live minimally is what they are saying...i am once again going to be hunkering down in indy for the summer, no cedar point or cruise ship or crazy things like that...yet.
it's a shame too, i have a lot of trips planned for the next month...multiple trips to chicago, trips to see people in CP, trip to LA and road trip back, trips out of the country....where are my funds for this...oh right, some wench in TheHole getting beat by her drug abusing boyfriend has all my money...sweet.
in other news i am taking a stab at this photography thing - again by popular demand...i'm taking a couple of classes on tuesday and wednesday for the month of june. i don't know what to expect of this, i am eager to learn, but i think i want more one on one training...i hate groups...i hate being told, "go out there and shoot" - i can do that anywhere, anytime, without paying...
so i have already taken the first two classes...what i have learned so far is that it's all about lying, i mean selling yourself...saying you shoot the best pictures in the world....so i started perusing the books that my instructors had of their portfolios....and i came to a realization, something they actually mentioned...i can do this..anyone can do this...
here's the thing..average people don't have the 'eye' of what's good and what's bad..they are just happy to see themselves in pictures on their wedding day or whatever...as i scanned through the pictures i was critiquing every one of them..good, overexposed, grainy, etc...but it made me start to think...if i were to shoot people's stuff, only i would be the disappointed one with my work..
and what's with my friends not knowing that i am a photographer...there was one time a friend on facebook had a status update, "HELP, i need a cheap photographer asap" - of course many people responded with who to go to, who they know who does photography, and i naturally respond with, "i hate you" who got the job, little ol me...the girl loved her photos and used them in her brochure for her company..and asked me to do another photo shoot for her in july....granted i am happy to help my friends out while gaining a little experience, she - in my opinion - over paid me..apparently she had me charge $75 an hour..and she bought me breakfast..i made out like a bandit...
now, as a friend i wouldn't charge people that..but normal people...up the rates! i don't like to discuss money with friends..it's a favor, i don't like to accept money from friends, even though it is a business, it just makes me uncomfortable..i scratch your back, you scratch mine...i'm sure in the future i'll need your assistance with something...now people who are no longer my friends, see above, then i will take your stupid as to court for the four thousand you owe me...but, that's only because you ended the friendship...
so that's all i got for now, i'm heading into work...work work lame.
"..yeah, but i have to give you something more than $20, i woke you up earlier than normal -- i know, that's why i doubled it"
..unless i don't want to do it...
i guess it depends on how you come at me
alright, back at it by popular demand...well, not really back..just another blog post for you....i know i have slacked off in the past week or so, but as i have always said, and will continue to say, "once things start happening in my life, i no longer have the time to tell them" so here is an impromptu post
i guess i do have things to talk about, but i'll post them later, i promise...after receiving some text messages telling me i need to start writing i decided to take the, advice...i guess my time away was enough time for people to catch up on my daily blogs from weeks prior.
it's summer, or something close to it - so the money is going away in the restaurant business..unless you work at some travel destination, save up and live minimally is what they are saying...i am once again going to be hunkering down in indy for the summer, no cedar point or cruise ship or crazy things like that...yet.
it's a shame too, i have a lot of trips planned for the next month...multiple trips to chicago, trips to see people in CP, trip to LA and road trip back, trips out of the country....where are my funds for this...oh right, some wench in TheHole getting beat by her drug abusing boyfriend has all my money...sweet.
in other news i am taking a stab at this photography thing - again by popular demand...i'm taking a couple of classes on tuesday and wednesday for the month of june. i don't know what to expect of this, i am eager to learn, but i think i want more one on one training...i hate groups...i hate being told, "go out there and shoot" - i can do that anywhere, anytime, without paying...
so i have already taken the first two classes...what i have learned so far is that it's all about lying, i mean selling yourself...saying you shoot the best pictures in the world....so i started perusing the books that my instructors had of their portfolios....and i came to a realization, something they actually mentioned...i can do this..anyone can do this...
here's the thing..average people don't have the 'eye' of what's good and what's bad..they are just happy to see themselves in pictures on their wedding day or whatever...as i scanned through the pictures i was critiquing every one of them..good, overexposed, grainy, etc...but it made me start to think...if i were to shoot people's stuff, only i would be the disappointed one with my work..
and what's with my friends not knowing that i am a photographer...there was one time a friend on facebook had a status update, "HELP, i need a cheap photographer asap" - of course many people responded with who to go to, who they know who does photography, and i naturally respond with, "i hate you" who got the job, little ol me...the girl loved her photos and used them in her brochure for her company..and asked me to do another photo shoot for her in july....granted i am happy to help my friends out while gaining a little experience, she - in my opinion - over paid me..apparently she had me charge $75 an hour..and she bought me breakfast..i made out like a bandit...
now, as a friend i wouldn't charge people that..but normal people...up the rates! i don't like to discuss money with friends..it's a favor, i don't like to accept money from friends, even though it is a business, it just makes me uncomfortable..i scratch your back, you scratch mine...i'm sure in the future i'll need your assistance with something...now people who are no longer my friends, see above, then i will take your stupid as to court for the four thousand you owe me...but, that's only because you ended the friendship...
so that's all i got for now, i'm heading into work...work work lame.
"..yeah, but i have to give you something more than $20, i woke you up earlier than normal -- i know, that's why i doubled it"
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Can of Worms
people are stupid..
society is shit...
this is the thanks i get for blogging...
soo apparently i opened up a can of worms with a random comment in one of my last blogs, the "Excitement Through Nothingness" Blog - go figure that that would be the title of the blog to get all the attention...my comment, i suppose, was directed at how i see a decline of values in society today...summed up in a short random story...granted that really wasn't even where i was going with it, but that's how others took it and are trying to 'defend' these amoral ways.
so now here is my response, on top of my soapbox, preaching to you..take it away Reverend Jangus
basing a real, true relationship off of a drunken one night is like basing you whole relationship off of one drunken night....basically what you have created is a one-night stand that has over stayed it's welcome..and by you "getting together again, and then forging some half-hearted bullshit of a relationship" you are really just trying to con yourselves into believing in what you did was right, that that's the way 'love' really is. love works off of body shots, loud music, and poor decisions.
and you know, this blog probably would have never been made had i not been attacked online about it. i became under fire when a certain someone starting critiquing my sexual past and present, saying i would not be the one complaining about all this sex on the first encounter if i myself were getting some..wow, as if the whole world revolves around meaningless, non-procreating sex...
you know, the more i think about it, the more i am reverting back into my old self..for twenty two years i fought against the whole gain of society - while my friends were out fucking, while people i didn't know were out fucking, i stayed sober. then the walls came down, i had sex..uneventful sex..i thought sex meant love, boy was a i wrong - but that's for another blog and another time...i tried out the whole fucking scene...but now looking back, i am start to become closed minded again..
i just don't put any weight on a girl i meet and fuck in the same night, that's just absurd. obviously they lack morals, standards, values, etc. nothing real..it's a horrible way to try and start off a true relationship..any girl that is willing to give it up on the first night, i really don't want anything to do with..i don't look for whores...they can be thrown into the same category fo girls that cheat on their boyfriends.
now i will say, of all the girls i have had sex with, no numbers, but of all the girls, with the exception of one, i have known before engaging in coitus...my relationship with girls is of a complex nature, i know the girls and we have a history that only builds...i suppose this is why i look down on gary so much..he doesn't establish a history with the girl and just goes out fucking anything in his path..
but not to sound all misogynistic, but i do have a problem with this feministic, we can be sluts approach today's women are taking, instead of traditional roles like they should, like the roles that have been set up and indoctrinated forever. granted i know times have changed and the roles have as well, sadly women now have to go out and get jobs to help support their family, all because today's society has limited the incomes on people making both household members work, while nobody is there to raise the children, cook, and to clean.
but i'm not getting into that...just girls trying to get away with acting like sluts..i went on a date with a girl the other day that i have known for awhile..she has been without a man in four months or so and every now and then she'll complain that she's so horny - that's fair - but where i respect her is how accountable she holds herself. even though she's horny as all hell, no matter how drunk she will get, on the first date no kiss, not even a peck on the cheek. granted some might see this as a little too far, i respect it...obviously this girl is not a complete prude, given she has had sex, but she's not being a whore either
they say you can't marry the 'up the butt' girl, but i'd like to think you can't marry the 'fuck on first night' girl
and now i'm sure i'll get responses with, "why can guys go out and fuck whenever whoever, but girls have to be more reserved" i really don't even think that is an argument, i mean honestly, where the fuck did y'all grow up. you women think you're so high and mighty, you think you're the more intelligent of the species, you think you're all that and a bag of chips (early 90's slang ftw) but as soon as it comes down to you having the responsibility to be more responsible, all hell breaks loose.
guys are the aggressor and girls are the defender....but what happens when both are the aggressor...welcome to slutville usa
sure guys like to fuck, look at gary, granted those guys are idiots, they are abusing their evolutionary instincts. yes males are supposed to spread the seed as much as possible, but as society has reformed itself, the need to do just that has slowed down, what with the cure for diseases, improvements in shelter, having an economical system, etc...these guys just have a wire loose and are going for the gusto...but women..i just don't fucking know anymore...
those who are defending women spreading their legs for anyone are, for the most part, women doing just that....they are trying to defend their soullessness retorting that what i say or believe is pure shit..wow, as soon as something goes against the way you are living your life you get pretty defensive...as soon as the things you are doing are called out and make you realize what you are doing is not right then you try to justify it with every last breath you have...
i'm not saying girls don't fuck..i've lived in a college town, i know what goes on there...but for the most part, if you follow up with them the next day, or read "texts from last night" or anything like that you'll see that the ones with the morals are the ones regret every putting themselves into a situation like that....i have a problem with those trying to defend their whorish ways when they know it's really not right
this isn't an episode of "bangbus" women off the street just don't have random acts of sexual intercourse with people they just met...that's a man's fantasy..that's the way men work...women, do not work like that...women do not walk down the street all alone, maybe their car broke down, maybe their boyfriend is being a douche, whatever...when a strange van pulls up next to them offering the girl a ride..so she gets in then decides the best thing for her to do is suck off the guy next to her while the other gets her from behind...female mentality is not that...that's purely a man's domain...
and that's the difference...sure men are entitled to have those thoughts, women aren't..enough said...
basically it comes down to, i think it's sad to see girls fucking on the first date..i don't advocate that, i don't want any part of that, i think it's a shame to see the values of society pitfalling like they are....as much as i hate to say this, people need to go back to church or something...
"Well a woman who'll kiss on the very first date Is usually a hussy. And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out Is anything but fussy. But a woman who waits 'til the third time around, Head in the clouds, feet on the ground! She's the girl he's glad he's found--she's his Shi-Poo-Pi! "
society is shit...
this is the thanks i get for blogging...
soo apparently i opened up a can of worms with a random comment in one of my last blogs, the "Excitement Through Nothingness" Blog - go figure that that would be the title of the blog to get all the attention...my comment, i suppose, was directed at how i see a decline of values in society today...summed up in a short random story...granted that really wasn't even where i was going with it, but that's how others took it and are trying to 'defend' these amoral ways.
so now here is my response, on top of my soapbox, preaching to you..take it away Reverend Jangus
basing a real, true relationship off of a drunken one night is like basing you whole relationship off of one drunken night....basically what you have created is a one-night stand that has over stayed it's welcome..and by you "getting together again, and then forging some half-hearted bullshit of a relationship" you are really just trying to con yourselves into believing in what you did was right, that that's the way 'love' really is. love works off of body shots, loud music, and poor decisions.
and you know, this blog probably would have never been made had i not been attacked online about it. i became under fire when a certain someone starting critiquing my sexual past and present, saying i would not be the one complaining about all this sex on the first encounter if i myself were getting some..wow, as if the whole world revolves around meaningless, non-procreating sex...
you know, the more i think about it, the more i am reverting back into my old self..for twenty two years i fought against the whole gain of society - while my friends were out fucking, while people i didn't know were out fucking, i stayed sober. then the walls came down, i had sex..uneventful sex..i thought sex meant love, boy was a i wrong - but that's for another blog and another time...i tried out the whole fucking scene...but now looking back, i am start to become closed minded again..
i just don't put any weight on a girl i meet and fuck in the same night, that's just absurd. obviously they lack morals, standards, values, etc. nothing real..it's a horrible way to try and start off a true relationship..any girl that is willing to give it up on the first night, i really don't want anything to do with..i don't look for whores...they can be thrown into the same category fo girls that cheat on their boyfriends.
now i will say, of all the girls i have had sex with, no numbers, but of all the girls, with the exception of one, i have known before engaging in coitus...my relationship with girls is of a complex nature, i know the girls and we have a history that only builds...i suppose this is why i look down on gary so much..he doesn't establish a history with the girl and just goes out fucking anything in his path..
but not to sound all misogynistic, but i do have a problem with this feministic, we can be sluts approach today's women are taking, instead of traditional roles like they should, like the roles that have been set up and indoctrinated forever. granted i know times have changed and the roles have as well, sadly women now have to go out and get jobs to help support their family, all because today's society has limited the incomes on people making both household members work, while nobody is there to raise the children, cook, and to clean.
but i'm not getting into that...just girls trying to get away with acting like sluts..i went on a date with a girl the other day that i have known for awhile..she has been without a man in four months or so and every now and then she'll complain that she's so horny - that's fair - but where i respect her is how accountable she holds herself. even though she's horny as all hell, no matter how drunk she will get, on the first date no kiss, not even a peck on the cheek. granted some might see this as a little too far, i respect it...obviously this girl is not a complete prude, given she has had sex, but she's not being a whore either
they say you can't marry the 'up the butt' girl, but i'd like to think you can't marry the 'fuck on first night' girl
and now i'm sure i'll get responses with, "why can guys go out and fuck whenever whoever, but girls have to be more reserved" i really don't even think that is an argument, i mean honestly, where the fuck did y'all grow up. you women think you're so high and mighty, you think you're the more intelligent of the species, you think you're all that and a bag of chips (early 90's slang ftw) but as soon as it comes down to you having the responsibility to be more responsible, all hell breaks loose.
guys are the aggressor and girls are the defender....but what happens when both are the aggressor...welcome to slutville usa
sure guys like to fuck, look at gary, granted those guys are idiots, they are abusing their evolutionary instincts. yes males are supposed to spread the seed as much as possible, but as society has reformed itself, the need to do just that has slowed down, what with the cure for diseases, improvements in shelter, having an economical system, etc...these guys just have a wire loose and are going for the gusto...but women..i just don't fucking know anymore...
those who are defending women spreading their legs for anyone are, for the most part, women doing just that....they are trying to defend their soullessness retorting that what i say or believe is pure shit..wow, as soon as something goes against the way you are living your life you get pretty defensive...as soon as the things you are doing are called out and make you realize what you are doing is not right then you try to justify it with every last breath you have...
i'm not saying girls don't fuck..i've lived in a college town, i know what goes on there...but for the most part, if you follow up with them the next day, or read "texts from last night" or anything like that you'll see that the ones with the morals are the ones regret every putting themselves into a situation like that....i have a problem with those trying to defend their whorish ways when they know it's really not right
this isn't an episode of "bangbus" women off the street just don't have random acts of sexual intercourse with people they just met...that's a man's fantasy..that's the way men work...women, do not work like that...women do not walk down the street all alone, maybe their car broke down, maybe their boyfriend is being a douche, whatever...when a strange van pulls up next to them offering the girl a ride..so she gets in then decides the best thing for her to do is suck off the guy next to her while the other gets her from behind...female mentality is not that...that's purely a man's domain...
and that's the difference...sure men are entitled to have those thoughts, women aren't..enough said...
basically it comes down to, i think it's sad to see girls fucking on the first date..i don't advocate that, i don't want any part of that, i think it's a shame to see the values of society pitfalling like they are....as much as i hate to say this, people need to go back to church or something...
"Well a woman who'll kiss on the very first date Is usually a hussy. And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out Is anything but fussy. But a woman who waits 'til the third time around, Head in the clouds, feet on the ground! She's the girl he's glad he's found--she's his Shi-Poo-Pi! "
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