Music is My Hot, Hot, Blowjob

btown for a day
music for eternity

music equals why i'm alive; live music equals love of my life

so friday was my day off of work..my first in a week since i picked up two shifts this week (as an SA none-other) and i was going to use it to my advantage...well, the sleeping in til 1pm was part of it, but i had things to do..funny how that always goes, whenever i want to get things accomplished, i'm a lazy bum to getting up and getting around...

i run my errands, buying milk in the process - my job, no..but did we have any in the fridge, again no...i hate my roommates..especially when they can't do their chores..all the while i am running around, trying to get everything finished as quickly as possible i keep getting bombarded with text conversations slowing my progression - if there's one thing i hate more than any other it's being rushed/being rushed with a barrage of questions. now some people will read this and think it was them, but no, honestly most of you all were really good, i think maxing out at questions (once while the day was going on and later as i drove down) but calls and texts every thirty minutes drove me crazy...that's not unreasonable...

in light of the added stress i took a breather and decided not to come down so early...sat in my apartment, blogged, did god knows what..finally getting on the road at 915...down to btown i went, on one of the coldest nights this year.....my car said it was 6 degrees outside..my body said "quit" - i hate the cold..why is it i pick the worst days to travel....

regardless i make my way down to the place of B. i met up with my friend hippo outside the Bluebird with a pass to get in for free..i had time for that. but what i had more time for was the live music...now the first band to preform wasn't the best, but the chick lead singer was a spitting image of a former co-worker at the CG..i swear it was her..and it would be something she would be doing too...

but the next band to come on would rock my socks, granted they are just a cover band, you'd be surprised....oh, the bands name, dot dot dot....right...no, like for reals, dot dot dot...anyways

what i liked about this band is that everyone got an opportunity to sing at least one song..and the lead singer would fill in on guitar, bass, or drums...wherever needed..that was really cool..but it sparked one of those deep secrets of mine..something i've only told a hand full of people, but now i will tell you....sooo a handful plus three?

i have always wanted to be a frontman for a band, a coverband at that - mainly because i have no real talent as an artist - and you know, i'd even settle for an instrument, bass, drums, whatever...just to perform in front of a live crowd and allow them have a good time...to quote Almost Famous "You know what I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for the guy who isn't getting off, and I make him get off." that's all i wanna do...have fun

buuuuut that'll never happen..i can't sing and that's about that..soooo, there you go, what i'd really like to do with my life, i can't do, so that's why i don't ever tell anyone..cooool life huh

so dot dot dot rocked out from midnight til 3am, closing down the blue bird - granted they had a short intermission of about 15 minutes, long enough to use the bathroom and get some drinks....that's about the time my friends bailed on me too..they also had a three song encore..mind you they also claimed to have a whole new set for the next day's show..so..wow..

other stuff happened, but that's another blog..i just wanted to highlight the music part of it...that's what put me in a good mood the rest of my stay in btown, that's what put me in a good mood all day saturday...and that could have been why i made so much money on saturday...that, or i truly am a rockstar....

"i love how it may be 6 degrees in btown, but you'd never guess by what the girls are wearing.."

SNOW DAY Part 2

more snow
snow more

roads, apparently dakota ridge doesn't think we need roads...

i wake up overhearing my roommates talking outside my door this morning..god only knows what time it is, but i say eff that and roll over...i wake up later..feels like 1 to me, i go to the bathroom for my morning piss and upon my arrival back to my room i see the clock says it's only 9am..this can't be right..i take a look at my phone for a second opinion...nope, it's 9 alright..coool...i'm awake and it's early...this is weird....everyone else is sleeping, nobody is online, so i go back to sleep..i don't think i want to start off my day this early

i awake only 2 hours later...cooool..i try to get ahold of some people, again, no success...my manager (the one i hate) has also left a message on my phone during that nap..its a weird message, a hey call me when you get this...not the standard 'do you want to take the cut tonight' or 'hey we need this bla bla bla' so i think i am in trouble, great....

i get up but keep to myself in my room...once 1 rolls around i make my way out through the apartment..this wakes up Gary...i make some breakfast/lunch - a pbj&h - and decide to call my boss back...see, 11-1 is the 'lunch rush' so i didn't want to bother him then..so i waited til 1. so i make my call and as it turns out i am not in trouble, he just needed a host..the snow storm that came in last night has caused a lot of people to not be able to come into work...but then he sees that i am SA'ing tonight so it wasn't going to work out anyways...he comically made a comment if i knew the spiel or not, but then said of course i did..so i told him i'd see him at 5 and the call was ended...

little did i know i just botched my roommates plans...gary comes out of his room as i am on the phone, listens to me talk, and as i hung up he erupts...apparently the numb nuts called in to work saying he couldn't make it in because of the snow...mind you he called at 8am for his 5 pm shift...wow..that takes balls...

now the best of the story happens just a little bit later, at work, while we are still at home...so as the story goes...soapy comes into work and B Hewey is updating her on all the call offs and the line up for tonight...she sees my name on the list...she over hears gary's name being said for calling off..she puts two and four together..she confirms with Hewey that gary called off...and that jangus is still coming in...and then she asks him if gary is at his home...and if jangus is at his home....hewey doesn't see where this is all going until soapy says...don't you know they live together...the moment that was said hewey gets on the phone with gary...."how's that not coming in working for ya?" gary would respond saying, well since jangus thinks he can make it i guess i'll just ride with him...

while gary is getting ready i make an attempt to unbury my car...the snow is piled high and i am in work pants...coool...so i do my best to swift the snow off the hood and the places i can reach...then i hop ontop of the hood and work forward....it was the only way i saw i could get the snow off without stepping into three feet of snow..

now the lowest snow built up around my car was on the passenger side rear door...so i hopped down and got in through my backdoor...this is where my idea goes wrong...i start my car and pull back a little bit...driving from the backseat using my snow scrapper to engage the brake and gas pedals...i get out of my spot decently enough for me to make some more rounds around my car getting the other snow off....but in the process of backing out, i lodged my car right into the snow drift...

see the apartment complex i live in decided it would be good to only to plow one little strip of the road, and push all the snow onto the sides of the road..where people's cars are...now looking back, had i been in the drivers seat i probably would have been able to get my car out of the snow pile, but driving from the backseat i feared i wouldn't have the ample reaction time to stop the car from hitting the gran-am that was right behind me, so i stopped short, and thus stopping it on the ridge...way to go...

so then gary comes out and yells at me because he wanted us to take his car...right, a cavalier handling in the snow..let alone getting out of that spot...no, not possible. so now my car is stuck...gary pushes because he thinks he is some sort of manly beast..i sit in the car and drive it nowhere...all the while this is going on, people are coming out of their apartments with shovels, getting their cars out, then going back to their apartments to put away the shovels....not one person offered to help...but the kicker is...everybody who got out earlier today was coming home from work..and lived down our street...

my favorite was when this bitch is a silver cougar comes down the road and pulls up nearby my car...now she can't get by because i am half in and half out..we are struggling and then i look at her, and the moment i do, she gives me the hands up shoulder shrug like, "come on" - about this time gary says now we look like assholes to all the girls that live here....so i go off..i see this bitch do her little hand gesture, probably rolled her eyes..and i say, oh yes, yes, my fault, let me just get in my car and move it out of the way! i'm not stuck or anything..i can surely move my vehicle with the greatest of ease right now...in face....ohhhh, you got me....this is all a joke..me stuck here preventing you from parking...you just got punked....this is about the time she decided to back her car up and go down another road...

the maintenance crew from the apartment come by in their little riding lawn mower and see us struggling..the first people to help us...at first they start pushing my car in and i ask gary, which way did you tell them we wanted to go? he said in...god what a fool...so i yell out my window..we want out, not in...so everyone changes sides of the car and starts to push us out.. within minutes we are on the road...gary and i quickly run into the house to get what we need for work and hop back into the car...

on our way out of the apartment complex as we turn right, to my left i notice that silver cougar with the bitch in it.....stuck halfway in a parking spot....karma's a bitch, bitch.

work is work...everyone makes fun of gary for trying to call off...i SA and have only a two server section again..lame...i make no money, spend it all on wings (finally got my wings!) and alcohol at bdubs while i wait for gary to get off of work...

we get back to the apartment and we try for a spot..they still have yet to finish the plow job, and my car gets partially stuck...so i get out and start to push it..then gary gets out...i tell him..cool, i left the car in drive, so when we push it out its going right into that truck you realize...so i went and turned the wheel..we get it free with no problem..i run up to the front door and just walk with the car as it is in driving, steering from the outside right into a new, better spot...

"oh right, i'm not thinking fourth dimensionally, once we get the car out of the snow drift, those cars won't even be there...my bad..."

SNOW DAY Part 1

more like blow day...
more like blow me...

it's kinda like a two-four-one...but it's really only two-eight...

it all starts with yesterday, err tuesday...i never got to talk about tuesday, and the only reason i note this is because tuesday was actually worth talking about due to the fact it was a decent day, or night rather...in the end...

of course it started out on a bad note, again with the no sleeping til late/can't get out of bed funk i've been in lately..which completely throws my day out of whack by not giving me enough time to do what i want to do in my day..whatever...so i sit and stew for a better part of the afternoon until it is time for me to leave for work..it's been snowing all day and my car is covered...

i'm leaving for work a little earlier than i normally would, or rather, i left my apartment earlier than i normally would..in the end i realize i should have 'left' a lot sooner..that way i would have not been late...

so i brush off the snow and do all that jazz, and amidst the digging out my car, i go in to start it - therein enters my problem...she turns over, but she won't stay started....now, i just bought a brand new battery last month, and i filled her up with a full tank last night..soooo what gives...

i sit there, and i crank and i crank...holding forward that key, hearing it turn, hearing the motor chug and chug...sometimes she'll take and i'll release the key and after a short few seconds, like a last breath, she putts to a deathly calm. i pop the hood, look inside - god only knows what for - i'm no mechanic, and it's too cold for me to check anything..so i jiggle this and that and continue to scrap off some ice...

i get back in the car, i try some more..i probably spend a good twenty minutes trying, taking small breaks here and there...cursing...then, like from a scene from back to the future as i bang my head on the steering wheel...she starts..kinda....i apply the gas as i turn her over...it works and i release the key, giving just the right amount of pressure on the gas pedal...as i ease off i can feel her start to die..too much, same results...sooo i basically had to feel out the car, knowing what she wanted when she wanted...after about a minute of this toying around i knew she could go on her own (off my life support) i released the gas and she started idling high..but i knew she was running right...

i made the call to work saying i would be late...honestly, had i not gotten the car started i probably would have just called off....given the way the weather was, the way it was not gonna stop snowing, i figured there was gonna be a lot of cancellations for the evening and me being there would just agitate me more...

i get to work thirty minutes late, just as preshift was ending..nobody questioned it at all..i found out what section i was in and went to work...as i was detailing my section and setting it up for the right amount of guests i found a penny nearby one of my tables...it was heads up..so i snatched it up and called it my lucky penny....how this would soon to be plausible...

from that moment on my night picked up...i at one point in the night was running five, yes five tables..a single, two deuces, a three, and a five...granted that was my entire night for covers, it was all i needed...one of my two-tops finished out at $600...and all my tables ignored the "Dirty Thirty" menu and ordered off the real menu..well, all but one..the five top..which were supposed to be the ones to order off the regular menu..such is life i guess....

now i was running around frantic, but keeping my server cool..i mean i'm always quick with my movements, but nobody can ever tell when i am truly weeded..not even me.....with five tables running, all at different courses needing different things and attention, i was still able to run food for people and do a wine presentation to a table..are you kidding me?! on top of all that, my SA sucked balls...i swear i could have done better without him, because...there wouldn't have been a difference..

all in all i ended the night with 1600 in sales, not too shabby if you ask me...i'll take that...and i'll especially take that on a random tuesday night....even more so during the "Dirty Thirty" menu....i enjoyed the part when one of our crappy servers that was in a section near me tried to take a fourth table and soapy told him he couldn't even run the three he had correctly, and i got to take the table...and then i told him, thanks for five!

i had just finished my cash out and took a moment in the office to unwind before i headed out as soapy and i would discuss how bad that server Jude really was...just then a server came in to tell us that the 10:00 reservation was partially arrived..and they were going to wait for their others before they ordered..but get this..after they placed their order they were going to go back to their rooms and have us call them when the food was ready...mind you, it's 1033, they are already 33 minutes late, and technically we are closed..(in reality we say we close at 1030, but as a service to our guests we extend those hours fifteen minutes after what we say...i know i know...why cant anyone tell the truth anymore?)

The chef is in the office and overhears all this as he is talking to his wife..he starts to make comments about how much he loves his life while mentioning something about putting a knife through someone's throat and him laughing at them...ahh, cook humor....he asks the server to get him a drink from the bar..this is about the time i decide to exit, and as i leave the office doors i, in my best chef impersonation, (as he does this weird high pitched noise when mocking people) say, "this place makes me drink" - soapy erupts into laughter as i hear chef muttering to himself...tonight, was a good night..

"hey do you know who my SA is back here - Oh it's me - Oh, well then that explains why i had to greet and water all my tables so far..." ~whoops

It's PeanutButter Jelly TIME!!!

it's like going back in time..
but you're just reading a blog...

it's moments like these, i wonder where the cameras are...

Today marks the 2 Year Anniversary of when the idea for the Triple Decker Peanut Butter, Jelly, and Honey sandwich was conceived! holy crap! and here's the proof in the pudding.

this finding came in light of yesterday's blog where i made mention to it being only two years ago from that day i was livin' it up in Piney Point Maryland with my pseudo-girlfriend and how it wasn't cold..well, after making such claims i went and searched my blog to see just what i was doing at that time...i made a bone-head error and set the time circuits for 2006 and found myself waking up to a different girl i wasn't supposed to be waking up to (who shall remain nameless..since everyone freaks out when i mention her) so i had to hit 88mph to jump ahead one year putting me back in good ol 19...err, 2007

as i read the days events of the 26th, i just kept on reading, reading til i got to the point i came across the pbj&h triple decker phenomenon....ok..it's more of a big deal to me than to anyone else...but every since that day, i have only made triple decker pbj's...it's just been a tradition i guess..and now....oh now i can happily recite the tale of how it came about, accuratlley recanting the details now including the date!

ohhh, what a day that was....











"i vaguely remember that...thank god i blog or i would have surely forgotten"

Ughhhhhh

i can't sleep..
i can't wake up...

if i could never have to sleep again and still function...35% of my problems would be solved...

today got off to a rough start...i didn't fall asleep until late last night, and in fact i had to go to the downstairs bed because it was so hot up top...that didn't make me too happy..so i wake up to my asstard of a roommate banging on something in the bathroom...this goes on long enough...how long is long enough...well, if it wakes me up, too long...it sounded as if he was hammering in nails to the wall, or banging some case against the sink...i don't know...he would later claim to have done no such thing...coool..the only people to use our bathroom is us and it apparently wasn't him...whistling...like that faggot always does....

ughhh...so i toss and i turn, never really getting any good sleep out of it...not wanting to get out of bed at any point because i haven't rested enough....i don't do anything on my list before work today...i just slowly get ready, pulling myself out of bed and into the shower..as i am dressing i get a phone call, normally i'd love talking to this person, but i had no time for it today..i was short and got off the phone on a bad note....

i went off to work....not happy, and knowing i would just become less happy (if at all possible) the moment my soul became sucked in by that place merely by walking in the doors...the night wasn't terrible...i was running four tables at one time...i haven't done that since...since....patio? good grief...out of practice for sure - which is the real sad thing...i remember a time, at my epoch, i could wait on ten tables flipping every 30 minutes with no real problem (mind you there was dancing in there every 20 minutes...but let's not talk about that)...ohhhh to be back in casual dining again....

i had my asshole for the night which caused me to lose the table i think...the man in position one on my pick-up booth was making shitty comments, implying to me and to the table as if i was somehow negatively effecting their dining experience...the man is lucky he didn't get the back of my hand...i'll let one comment go by overlooked, but the second...fuck you sir, fuck you.

the first interaction went down something like this:
Me: Alright ladies and gentleman, i know we still have that dessert coming but i was just wondering if i should go ahead and box that up for you, or if you had the room for it
*this being said because they ordered the "Dirty Thirty" special menu we have going on that includes soup/salad, choice of entree, two sides, and a dessert...and since they didn't eat all of their entrees i was simply making a convenient suggestion for them...
his response: well, how bout you bring them out so we can see the presentation and then you can box them up...

cooool..asshole....so i bring out the desserts...i am not trying to imply i am turning and burning this table, frankly..i don't care, it's not a table in my section so i don't need them to get up soon or stay for another hour...i don't care...i make my rounds check back..eventually i notice they have stopped eating...again i don't want them to feel rushed so i let them sit there and stew...just to make sure they didn't pick up a fork and start going at it again...no utensil movements, it's ok to go in...or so i thought..

Me: Alright, are we all finished here?
Ass: I don't know, are you all finished?
Me: Excuse me? AM i all finished?!
Ass: well looks like we are finished then
luckily the commotion in the restaurant was louder than normal and i don't think he really heard the tone in or my response what-so-ever...

whatever, since the table wasn't in my section, it really didn't have any effect on me...i mean i was already in a pissy mood...i'm not sure what was really stopping me from backhanding that asshole like he was my girlfriend....i mean he was rude, insulted me, and he would never break his conversation when i approached the table...wow, what was stopping me?

the night continued and i continued to server more Dirty Thirty's..the bane of the server's existence in downtown this week..i keep things somewhat lighthearted as my SA tells me i always can make him laugh..i mocked The Pickup Artist as i gave our food-runner Jesse tips on how to pick up women...that's about the time Hilary walked into the kitchen and asked what do i know about picking up woman...i retorted 'wait, wasn't i inside you?' - classic line from Waiting. i would also make a comment about one of the manager's preference on anal sex after i walked behind her for a moment..and then servers started to try to come up with double sexual meanings for the name "Jangus"...all in a days work...

after i got home i would later spend part of the night trying to convince people that i thought the Holocaust never happened..all because of this newslink video...and i say "the reasons why the 'Germans' didn't make the buildings designed to last long is because the Germans never built them...are you kidding me, German engineering is remarkable, Mercedes anyone...so these buildings would have for sure lasted the test of time...they were definitely built in a haste fashion by the Americans when they came barging into the motherland, errr, deutchland...." silly people...anything to make the Aryan race look bad...

obviously i'm kidding people.....

but the majority of the night would be spent, starring blankly at a computer screen...wondering why i can't fall asleep...knowing how much i'm going to hate life tomorrow when i can't wake up because i will not have fully rested...maybe i'll have another dream where i move to Florida...which for some reason in my dream is an island, like hawai'i......ohhh to think...this time two years ago...i was in piney point maryland..i had me a gf and it wasn't cold outside...

"tell me what this is from...'nobody puts Baby in a corner'?"

I Know it's Not Much

but i know you love me..
at least i got that..

soooo, what an awesome week

i really don't know what to say the highlight of my week was...could it be when my GM told me to 'check out the schedule' implying that he did me a favor by giving me more shifts because it was so busy this week and me realizing i was put on only for one extra night..a monday night at that... or could it be i had to pick up an SA shift so i could for the first time this year reach my sub-par money goal for the week..picking up an SA shit alone is retarded but given the fact it was needed, absolutely absurd...maybe it was the fact i was limited to half the cover counts on the busiest day we have ever had at the CG...or maybe it was when i couldn't work a shift this week without several refires or fuckups from the kitchen...the best of that statement is, i worked a breakfast shift today...how fucking hard is it?!

i talked with soapy today at work about reading my last post, about Mr B Hewey - i know..letting more people, management, know about the blog that really shouldn't - anyways..we discussed things briefly, she was in the middle of her inventory sheets and i didn't want to interrupt...she made a comment about the fraternization policies and she didn't want to get involved if it as something that was necessary..she also asked if i badmouthed the company to which i let her know that all names and places have been changed to protect the innocent, aka, me..

ohhh, how i hate these sunday mornings...i hate working breakfast in general...i never get any sleep...and then when i get home at 4 i am so tired i pass out..miss all my text messages, because people only text or call when i am sleeping, and now my day is ruined because A) everything closes early on sunday, ie 6pm, which is about the time i am waking up and 2) i will now not be able to fall asleep at a decent hour tonight...cooool

i really don't have much to say right now...i can't think clearly..i'm just haunted by the past....i had a running analogy earlier, but it slipped my mind...but here's a partial, quasi update to keep things going...i work tomorrow, so i'll do my best to get a post in..then it's wednesday through friday off...just me sitting around...waiting for my TV...waiting to watch these movies...drinking chocolate milk...wearing sandals when it's below freezing...cuz i'm dreaming of somewhere, anywhere, better than here

"i'm gonna Rick Roll your face off"

I Hate This Place

Mark it on the calendars..
first time in 09

wait...we aren't even out of the first month yet...ughh, this is gonna be a long year

Remember when i was on the cruise ship...and i hated life....i hated life so much that i coined the phrase, "This place makes me wanna go back to school" - that kinda carried over to CP the following season, although CP wasn't nearly as bad..i don't think...well, i came up with a new one today..good 'ol CGIndy to take the cake..."This place makes me wish i wasn't born" Yes, i found an establishment that i hate more than the cruise ship..

see, every restaurant job i have ever worked at has sucked balls..you know what...come to think of it....RR was the only restaurant job that i didn't hate...maybe at first, but it was my first restaurant job...it was like highschool all over again and i hated that..god, if i could only find the blogs i wrote about that place, what foreshadowing i would see for sure...sooo RR didn't suck or make me hate life, every job since then has at some point....some worse than others...

wait...if i look on a time line of my restaurants jobs charted as X and my hate for the place labeled as Y...it'd probably look something like this....

cooool....my hatred for a place is proportionally related to the older i get? hmmmm, that one needs some tweaking...

anyways....my reason for the hatred at CG is simple...the GM is a douchetool...now i know what you are saying...ohhh, everyone has one boss that sucks or blah blah blah....i really don't know what you'd be saying, i never listen to you anyways...well as my story goes...those who know me, and know me in the work environment...i'm what most would call a workhorse..i bust my balls day in and day out, giving it all i can..mediocrity and i don't get along...

now another trait that i have which actually works to my benefit is boredom..some call it curiosity...i call it boredom, but whatever....i like to work different positions at my workplace..i can't think of a job where i wasn't able to do several positions (no comments from the peanut gallery please....) i always start out trying to figure it out on my own, then eventually management would give in and maybe i would get the official training in said position, sometimes not...

i'd like to call myself an MVP as being the most versatile person in that establishment....and with that training comes responsibility...and also getting called on my days off to pick up whatever shifts need covered...to which i will 90% of the time oblige to...

but not now...i feel so under appreciated..i feel as if when i get called in, it's not because they thought of me because i'm a great employee..they are just covering their asses and need any willing body...i don't get any respect out of going the extra mile, no gratitude, thanks, or love thrown my way - this of course said about only one man in general..the general manager, or managing partner..same difference Mr B Hewey...every other manager in the place (like scott or soapy) sees what i do, or rather what i did and what potential i had and really like me ((i think))- maybe i'm just tooting my own horn and this isn't at all true

i can't think of how i wronged this one man in particular - i know i say it all the time, that i don't know what i did wrong (its all a conspiracy) - but this time, like all the times, it's absolutely true...and maybe i don't always get along with the GM in my work places, but they always know how valuable of an assets i really am...i know i'm not perfect, i make mistakes, i loved being called out, i'm always trying to better myself...but..but if i don't know when, where, or how i messed up...how can i fix that (JADE!)

so at this point i say that he his holding a grudge for no reason...i spent the better part of my employment in indy where it was just a job, i'd walk in the door, put my 6 hours in, and leave...i had little to no interaction with those i worked with, stayed out of the drama, did as i was asked, and did my thing...what more could you want...i even thought for a second i may have a little bit of an advantage with the GM - what with both of us being republican and all..sharing a common ground..but nope..i got nothing...

that's all i got for now, there will be a part II...i'm heading to bed because it's 5am and i work at 8am...cooooooool

"i got your mission statement right here..."

Endorphin High

in pain
but happy?

sooooo, i overloaded myself on endorphins and..i feel...great? go figure..i had the day off, granted it started less than five hours into my sleep with a phone call asking me to come in for a lunch shift...which i let the voicemail take care of...yeah i know i need shifts...but a lunch only...ughh, crap on that..i originaly thought i was being called in for a dinner shift, but that was not the case, so no phone call back to work was needed...

the phone call was good because it woke me up from a scary dream...almost repetitious like i had it before, but whatever..i was up for the next three hours before i finally fell back asleep on the phone cool.

230 rolls around and i'm back up..why do i feel like ass...ughh, maybe i shouldn't have fallen back asleep...it takes me awhile to wake up and get going..a long time in fact...but once the ball gets rolling i'm on a move...a little jerking off before i head out the door to get my blood flowing and start this day off right! from the apartment its over to the tanning place, which is conveniently right around the block...it's probably been a good month plus in which i havent tanned - i know you could tell by my appearance - so i figured its good to start 09 off right, right?

after the 12 minute bake it's off to the gym - where i start with a 20 minute cardio bike ride...now here's what pissed me off...i was biking at 100 rpms and my heart rate was somewhere around 125 - granted i was on the hill course and also on level four - but as i read the little chart off to the side it said i needed my heartrate to be somewhere around 160 for 85% and a cardio workout...so i say, ok..let's put the pedal to the..carpet, apparently there's carpet in here....so i get the rpm's up to 130 or so, somewhere to the breaking point..any faster and my feet are gonna fly off this thing...i look at my heart rate, 105.....wait what? how are my rpm's and heartrate inversely related...ughh, i hate this...

from the cardio it was time for my back workout...i don't even know what i'm doing...but i think i'm doing it wrong because of the pain i am in..i love to push myself, and i love to max out on my last rep...sooo, my back...hates me...

i make it back home and i notice a spring in my step...i'm as happy as a...whats a good analogy...a dick in a vagina...and i'm about to throw up....i'm calling my grandparents, sending kissy faces online, i'm just having a good ol time...and i stop and ask myself...is this a typical state for normal people? i mean, my angry every day attitude is the norm for me...sooo, is this how normal people feel everyday, just content with everything?

let's see how long it lasts...

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fly away - i'm content with that"

Flopped..

best orator ever...
i..er...fuck..

Obama flopped, way to fail even before being sworn in...hey liberals, your Allah is not a god, he goofed up but you're too blind by your hypocrisy to see that, "oh it was nice to see a president be human"- but when bush did something wrong, "What a complete idiot..i can't believe he's president" Way to RE-ELECT him fucktards...ughh, i'm done

read this, it's good










"I Barack Hussein Obama...still suck at life"

Old Habits..

keep coming back...
like an unwanted quest...

ughhh, new year, same old shit really....

i'd like to start off by apologizing, i had a good run at updating, but per usual, it didn't last long...i really do not have a reason other than my sleep schedule has once again gone haywire...i've been up to all hours of the night, whether it's staring blankly at a computer screen or then tossing and turning in bed for the remainder....i am not certain what sparked the lack in sleep again, but it's here and it sucks...

now you may say, well, if you are up all night, why don't you use that time to blog - fair enough - the reason is....let's try this...have you ever stayed up for more than 24 hours...and do you remember how your brain functions...or how bout any time you've been so tired you barely make it to bed (ie falling asleep in the car or in line) - right, well, that's me minus the sleep....at those times at night i cannot function to my normal standards...and formulating words into sentences that people will read is quite a difficult task....

so tonight i am going to take one of my last two sleep aids...i'm hoping this chemical interference will put the train back on track...if not, well..i just wasted a pill i consider it's value to amount to its weight in gold...

so goodnight, it's worth a shot..

"i'm just a fuck up who's full of hate, lies, and bile"

Well...

nothing...
to say now....

this was originally going to be an angry post..but as the night grew on i became a little ill....first having a weird headache, and now, well, now my stomach is turning on me....so i can't fully get out all the anger at all the bastards i need to..so i'll save it for...tomorrow? who knows, we'll see...

another day off..another day of nothing...at least today was a little warmer - i got to go to the gym today, but that didn't necessarily make me feel good...in fact whenever i workout i feel like i am about to puke, never any fun...the TV repair man came over today - i swear this company, these guys, they were around when the first TVs came out..and i hate them...he replaced some things on the tv - a new motherboard and a new power supply (sounds like a computer) and after he got it back together....still had the same problem...coooool....so he took it with him

in all honesty i was hoping the tv would have been fixed for a day or so, so that i could call samsung and get someone else on the job to fix the tv...because the run around i have had with these amatuers is enough to make me pull out my hair...as gary said, glad you aren't paying for it - and even if i were, i wouldn't be in the end...

the man reaked of smoke...and i know my tv will smell just as bad when he returns it..just after the smell had finally disappated from the first trip, ughhhhh..but that was just one of the many things wrong with today

the people who were supposed to join gary and i to watch My Bloody Valentine 3D never replied back, and others, well they just didn't have time for us...and then to top it off one of my friends got super shitty with me - someone who not too long ago sat there by my side and told me of how much a fuck i wasn't, pretty much took back all of their words today...coooool, i love being called a liar, i love when my words get manipulated, i love when people think 'they have me all figured out' - know my 'game'. Look, if you knew me as a sarcastic bastard before, why can't you remember that for the present...you want to really know what my game is - i press buttons, i'm a button presser...i know what gets to you and i want you to man up and deal with it, enter me getting on you about it all the time....if you want to distort that into some falsity, well, go right ahead, i guess you really don't know me after all...

and another thing....sex....sex..you know what, this could be it's own post and i really don't have the stomach at the moment for it...let me say this really quickly before i go, fuck it, i really don't care after all...

great...now my head is starting to hurt..my sleep patern is back out of whack...what a great way to start off the year..month of january = 744 hours...i can probably do sleep in double digits....

"Soooo, does this mean we aren't getting married in 4 years?"

Privacy

your space..
nuh uh...

you can't look, so don't touch...

you know something else that bothers me...when i get this message "This profile is set to private. This user must add you as a friend to see his/her profile." this is the craziest thing ever...let me start by saying, every profile i have checked on the new app myspace has, the 'people you may know' tool in response to facebook's 'people you may know' tool has had this privacy setting on their profile...really people?! get a fucking clue!

ok, myspace and facebook are social networking devices..you are supposed to be able to make new friends, find old friends, network, date, etc...if you don't want the whole world knowing your credit card number...then don't put it out there - if you don't want people knowing your phone number..don't put it out there - if you don't want guys wanking it to pictures of you in your two piece bikini from your trip on spring break...too bad, keep putting them out there...

but seriously...if i am looking through profiles, trying to find people who have very picky and yet similar tastes - like loving home movies or parker lewis can't lose - but i can't because you have your stupid thing set to private..then what's the fuck?!

now now...i know some of you who actually know me well enough to stalk, er, follow me on other forms know i have a myspace..and for that matter, know that i have mine set to private - let me explain! unlike facebook, myspace does not have the option to 'accept' or 'ignore' an invitation request for a new friend. this comes in handy when i have people i don't care for or crazy stalkers trying to 'be friends' with me...

i wish i could make up the last one, but sadly it is for reals...there's really only one stalker i have that i actually fear - this person has been known to call or write my workplace and make outrageous claims to get me in trouble, for that reason i have tried to keep my distance from that person and keep as much information away as well..

when those particular people want to 'just be friends' on facebook i have found an easy solution..don't accept...don't ignore...pocket veto them...just keep that friend request there (this is especially implemented when you ignore their first request..) by keeping it there they no longer have the ability to request you again, and you can live your life without knowing how many times they tried to request your friendship..its win win...

but as for myspace....not so easy....i always fought to keep a myspace profile public..its what it is intended for...but then one day, out of the blue, i got a sense of paranoia...i don't know what it was, i didn't call my doctor, instead i went to my myspace settings and made my profile private...i think it was just a test at first, but then my fears became true....within 24 hours i had a friend request from my stalker...when i saw this request my paranoia was confirmed with a queasy feeling in my stomach..how long had they been on myspace...how much do they know...are my friends in danger...i did what any responsible person would do and notified my top friends (before it was randomized) and those who left comments on my wall...err, whatever myspace calls it

but that's just one person..and that's just my life....i doubt that everyone single person that has their profile set to private have a similar scenario...some crazed ex or stalker or whatever....that's just my life...so other people, chill the fuck out and make it public....

ps i understand people making private posts for blogs and things like that...journals and diaries and such usually contain content that is 'for their eyes only' - only makes sense..i have no qualms with that...

"This profile is set to private. This user must add you as a friend to see his/her profile."

Twitt This

i
hate

you know what really grinds my gears?

there's this application called "Twitter"..some of you may be familiar with it, i know i am blue35tuesday - but for those of you who do not know...what twitter is, essentially, is a quick blog. a short blog for the fast paced world...see, nobody now-a-days has the time to sit through the countless blogs tabbed on their bookmarks and read the endless dribble...what you need is a cliff notes version into people's lives, enter Twitter..

With Twitter you can make a post, follow friends or whomever, make replies to their posts, and send messages directly to people as well...now these posts are called "Twitts" and here is my problem...for some reason people have got on this 'kick' to call the posts "Tweets"....listen people..it's not called "Tweeter" it's called Twitter.....just like a program called "Blogger" allows you to make "Blogs" and not...'blarts'..you see my point..i fucking hate you all...

this post is dedicated to jillhanner..and thanks to her little shout out in her youtube blog.....

"it's fucking twitter!"

Too Cold

temps go down
anger goes up

and i do not have time for this....

ughhh, i hate the cold - i've said it before, i'll say it some more...the older i get the less tolerable the cold is - and a lot of people will scoff because i'm only in my twenties...well, you know the plethora of saying's, "Life is too short to deal with winter or drink cheap beer"

i hate the winter for a number of reasons, mainly, the cold...the cold affects every facet of my life and anything that makes me change my life i am not a fan of. Now i am a fan of layers and long sleeves, pants, etc - hell, when i was in hawai'i the only thing that made me not seem like a tourist was the fact i wore a jacket and pants when i went out in the 70 degree weather..just like the natives.. But what i hate is wearing too many layers, obtrusive layers, gloves that make everyday functions more difficult...bundling up..fuck all that..

and what i don't like is how simple functions or activities cannot be done...a simple task of taking the trash to the dumpster or getting the mail now takes too much effort, what with the getting 6 layers of clothes on when all you wanna do is lay around on the couch all day in your boxers...the thought of doing all that makes me not even do it...i wanted to put the xmas decorations back into storage that's connected to our patio, but it's taken me til now to do it because i never wanted to get bundled up for such a small project...

i'm sure the studies will show places where the temps drop to below freezing vs places that do not, you will see a significant difference in the rates of depression, and even suicide. now i've always said i would never want to move to california or florida or anywhere warm like that, that doesn't have the seasonal change i am used to - all in all because it would mess with my head to be celebrating xmas and have there be no snow on the ground...but you know what...fuck all that...

this is just a rant about how i hate the cold..i know most of you will just use the line, if you don't like it, then change it...well...it's in the works, so fuck all you

"If i can't put my top down on my convertible all year, i'm not living here"

Coooooool

a
lot

alright...so it's the new year and i've shat on all my resolutions it seems....

i need to get back in the habit of doing this.....like for reals....i know i keep saying that, but my intentions are good..i suppose. now that there isn't much going on in my life, i should have all the time in the world to do something...but that's the funny little thing about life..when i was working two jobs i would have killed to have more time off to do things...then i had one job and did less things..and now i have a job i work two days a week and do nothing but sleep, grab my tits and stare at my ass all day...i don't have the motivation for things that i could care less about...or wait, things that are trivial, or...things that...i don't know

so let's start blogging again - despite those who may stand in my way - and let's do more...i started hitting the gym on a regular basis before the year ended...but now it's sporadic and inconsistent...i need to start doing that again...you know i was told, or overheard, or something one time that said, "it's funny how you stop doing all those little things you used to do for yourself once you get someone else in your life" now i'm not blaming cpydi's visit for my gym attendance going down, but it's true, when you start adding more variables into the equation, something's gotta give...

i wanted to "be nicer" this year - get your laughs in now...you know that shit didn't last long at all...the problem i have is that people be stupid...i have no tolerance for people because i know what they are capable of. i expect top notch performances out of them everytime, sure people fail and make mistakes, that's what makes us human, but it's the ignorance that really gets under my skin. when people do shit that pisses me off, i think i take it to heart, and my way of dealing with it is letting them know how pissed i am, i don't come off nicely...

for example...my douchetool of a roommate gary is responsible for the trash...let me go on record right now and say he's the one who gave himself this responsibility, i continue. now when the trash gets full...it sits..and gets fuller, as in overflowing...then eventually the bag gets removed and placed next to the garbage can...but no bag replaces the old one....so then trash gets thrown into the can, and all around the old bag...*(side note, on two occasions we have actually taken all the trash and piled it up around his bedroom door so he could get the hint to take it out)* i see no reason for the lack of action and naturally i get pissed...he defends himself saying, he'd take care of it when he got back from *insert random place like gym or work or eating* so my offense goes on and start making shity comments...my counter-defense is that taking care of the trash is a chore NOT to be completed when it is convenient for you, but rather when it is needed. it's not like cleaning out your room which only effects you, this is something that ripples down to everyone...you couldn't just stroll into your 4pm shift at 515 because you were out doing other things..no, work is a chore, taking out the trash is a chore and you will jump when they give out the orders....what an asshole...

but then, here i am, i'm the asshole because i just called someone out on something, called then an asshole, made them look like a doofus..i guess i have no tact for confrontation when things get in my opinion, retarded.

i don't know where my high standards for others came, i hold high standards for myself, i know what people are capable of, i know what people should do, or at least what i think i know what people should do..greater good and all that shit, and i just hate it when people can't excel to that level...

i try to make people better themselves all the time as well....even though in the end i realize i just bring out the worst in everyone. if i see someone has a sincere desire or passion to do something, i turn into little motivator larry (ok, i just made that up, i don't know what i am talking about with that name...) i think it stems from the fact i have no passion, i don't know what i want, so i live vicariously through other people...wanting them to reach their goals with a little help from me, giving me a sense of accomplishment...

like the chick on the cruiseship who envied me for writing everyday, i kicked her in the ass and got her going..that's all people really need, a little bit of a motivational kickstart and they are on their way....it's like in physics, sure you may only need x amount of force to keep an object moving consistently, but that initial push is greater than the minimal continuing force..all because of the coefficient to static force....wait, when was i last in physics...

i helped a girl a week ago, i think...she doesn't have a driver's license and has never really driven a car. when she has, it's always been just practicing with someone who doesn't have the time..well, i've been told i have the patience of Job, or a saint, or something meaningful like that...of course, the way i help it's always impromptu...the person then feels on the spot..but i feel that this is best for the lesson...if that person can really trust you, then there should be no problem with the teaching..i have the patience, just listen to me...once the person tries to give up or says they can't, i lose my patience and become a bit more aggressive..like when i told her to park in the handicapped spot and she said no and tried to exit the car - with a lean over onto the brake pedal i put it back into drive...she parked the car in the end....

i guess if it's one thing i can do, it's make people feel comfortable around me - feeling comfortable gives way to a sense of trust whether false or real it's apparent none-the-less...i've always heard the best pictures come from when a client feels comfortable with the photographer..that's partially why i thought i would always do well in that field..

i guess that's why people fall in love with me so fast too...feelings of comfort...feelings of trust...the close intimacy...

well, my mind sucks right now so i'm taking a sleeping pill to clear the conscious....

1 - If you were to die today, would your life be complete?
2 - well, yeah, I mean, I’d be dead, I couldn’t do much after that...