In the Rear View of 2004
..it's a recap ya'll....

Alright it's that time again folks, that time where we say goodbye to another year down the wormhole, but right before we send her off, we've got to take another look back and see the highlights and lowlights of '04....

Well '04 started out with a BANG, or a dud, whichever way you want to put it, but it only help build my anger for the month, and more importantly, year...mad with work, mad with Lowell, life, just mad at anything in general..and the "ta hell wit it" was born, and introduced into wardrobe as well. Fannie May closed and "tragic" highschool death...but all things weren't bad in in the beginning..I did have the LOTR Marathon and the trip to Vince's with the girl...also made the incoherent brilliancy in three posts...and got my first online encounter with a trip down to Zach's...

February we were still on the topics of death and "death", people killing a friendship because they are a bitch.The janet jackson thing happened.... personality breakthrough? Zach looses his balls and CS is shut down..I prove you don't get what you put into it...V-Day came and went with a bit of a "glitch"...new work place not the right place, but it's all about who you know and then you make it ...I predicted the Oscar's and then it was Leap Year Day...

March and this sadly can rap up my life...ya know, I still hate that no-named motha fucka....aim sociology in practice...Andy came to town, and what an event that was....my first Coinslot show *blush*...OH MY GOD TULIPS (that was for me)...a secret of will? more in that post than most..I'm so fucking mean....still an ass....the movie that made me think..and got us back together..and the cyvcle came again, but I didn't care and I closed out the month with one of the greatest, yet underappreciated posts (like Exile on Main Street...it'll be good one day..)

April came...my mother got me a card because it was my birthday? an outpour to Vince....I like random....work was getting to me and my permission to land is quite the intriguing post of the month (what with talks with Pete, and him moving, and a basement of love....)

May came in with a recap of the night prior where C-Slot added in two new elements into their life, and a shameless set of props to all those there..then the infamous road trip to Canada evolved...and with a return the reason why I hate Jews....Jimmy turned 21..I tripped uphill....patience and a reminder for jess....a Lucky Charms induced high got me to ramble many hours later...ohhh the point system actually was published in blog form....then long awaited, and I do mean long, Lasagna Day '04 to end May...

June came and I expelled my deceptive ways in Post 555..made a trip with Vince to Terre Haute for who knows what..vince's Birthday soon followed...I watched Saved and told people to save themselves and get out of Lowell..and of course the shameful props to me, because I rock so hard....but then a slight downfall (own undoing I swear..) with a dream (it doesn't get a link, it is too sad..) irrational and the origins of DDR...and then to cap off the month I saw Spider Man 2..which was...well..we all know....

I made one post in the month of July..and ironically it was on July 1st...so here's the link...it involved a late night craving that was never satisfied...

and funny thing...no posts in august

so what happened in all that time...wow...dare I even say?

My next post came on September 12...which was made weeks prior yet never published, but then published when I wasn't sure if it was the right thing since I wasn't feeling it? in fact I almost felt like not making any more public osts, which we can see never happened...the month only consisted of 4 posts, and nothing special at that...what in the world as I doing?

Then a month later in October I started back up with posting everyday, or damn near lose to it, and have been streaking ever since....there was a series of brilliant posts that nobody got, well the titles at least were my highlights.....took a great F'ing roadtrip to Michigan...I told cancer to fuck off...ohh damn that Jessie...Red Sox won the series, like I predicted...the Dave Invasion that never happened started here.....my life's motto....I'm not gonna lie....and then it was Halloween...and the best party ever.....

November was a long month..many posts...first was obviously the great party description..then we went into rant mode, not holding back and taking no prisoners..nobody was safe....and Bush won the election..I predicted that as well...I became a God...Underwear and icecream party followed by a visit from Vince and Elizabeth...I can be nice....Pete returned after a three week stint in NWI....hotmail grew in size and I grew into self-validation...and then yeah...at a loss..the first snowfall, that didn't last...Thanksgiving came, whopee..Billy is engaged, again...37 finally is completed...a spiral downward..and I watched Imus..I missed it....

December...December..did anything happen in December??? ehhh, not really, just standard shit really....I ranted and raved.....the og party...Thao came down and there was the Joss Stone concert.. people found out interesting little tidbits about me...thought about writting a book...then everyone left for break..Christmas came and went...a card never got opened...went to indy for cinnabon's for Karla....the big snow storm....I told why I hated Christmas, then I let "rita" have it....realized I was completely Ga-Ga....and yeah...this is it....the end...

how bout that...who would have thought last year at this time I would be living in Bloomington, Indiana...with a group of friends I had yet to meet...me? here? huh? but that's what happens when life's like this...you let go your roots and go where the wind takes you...planting your seeds across the fields...

yeah, so, have a good '05!

Winding down...
building up...

So this will/may be the third worst New Year, in a row mind you...I guess if you're gonna have a streak...

so yeah, recapping the past two...'02 - ditched and passed out til 2, wake up and realized it was the new year and I was alone...'03 - what would have made up for the prior year backfired when a spiteful decision was made and there was no turning back; not to mention the aimless running around Lowell trying to "settle" on a spot to be...'04 - Having the opportunity to go out and have plans, yet not possible because I'm here in Bloomington, the irony from the past 2 year...

so I'll explain the last one, since we all know about the other years just well, and if you don't, well just look back on any of the last posts in December from this journal...anyways my story...

Well number one, Coinslot band will be performing at Java Jims on New Year's Eve...followed up with an after/pre party in Hobart at this incredibly badass house hosted by Kyle....so many potentials in that one scenario, but we won't go......two: Chicago..god I want to be there so frickin' much...open bar, party, formal......three: Lowell - which in itself has many sub-tangents...party with the pitiers...my random girl friends...laura....four: Greater NWIndiana - also subtangents...mainly scoring a New Year's date with a girl who owes me a date...but I went no further because I knew it wasn't going to happen....even though the new year's date is the ultimate of dates I think.....oh, and yeah, I got corri's number, rather she gave it to me randomly...yeah....

so what it will actually be is an after work wallow in my own self pity let's ring in the new miseryear party....which has some slight potential for actually turning out to be something...but I'm putting too much stock into it...I'd hate to get my hopes crushed like so many past new years..

so I had options, but instead will be working...working too late to actual rendezvous with any of the said groups..and because of that, my shift was pushed up early Saturday morning...so basically a double...(wait, those are holiday hours aren't they....good) and on top of that I am scheduled a minimum of 43 hours...so take that to the bank I will...overtime is a Bozo no no at the OG, but what do I care...they're making me work ridiculous hours...

[E] and I'll go ahead say, that if I wanted to live my life to the fullest, like I tell everyone else to, I'd go ahead and call off work...but that would have also involved me going up north on thursday, my day off, so I could actually hit up everyone I needed to and do everything I needed to get done...so due to the fact that I'm still here in B-Town, the chance of me not going into work is small....but there's always a slim chance anything could happen....I mean this doesn't justify calling off, but the OG has had so many call off's and no call/no shows that it's ridiculous...and then those same people come into work the next week like nothing happened and it's all good....so yeah...I guess it depends on how I feel tomorrow, luckily right now I have a headache and want nothing to do with anything but myself...what I'm seeing is, if I were to wake up late for work I won't go in...I've got plenty of other things to do tomorrow as well...so whatever happen happens..

and I still contend that Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve are holidays and should be paid/adjusted/whatever accurately...people need time to travel and all...you can't expect everyone to work on those days..and those who do you should treat them to something special, because those are special days....why do you think they are on calendars.....nobody gives a damn about "Labor Day Eve", because it doesn't frickin' exist and people don't come together like they do on the other two said days...I hate cooperate America, I hate the world, and I you*...






*you does not mean you in particular, it's a generalization about people who do not agree with what I say and/or piss me off to no end...for the most part, not the actual readers of this journal

Bring it Back...
back right down...

urghhhh, what a long day..but not really....just tiring I guess.. I mean it is only 1030...

today was my day off..yippee! so because of that I got to sleep in, but only til 3 or so...which isn't a long time considering what time I actually go to bed a night..and then actually go to sleep..

I had a list of things to do, only because I knew I would forget everything, so it was a progressive list..but I was able to get most of the things accomplished....tuxedo shopping, chair fixing, grocery shopping, cleaning, love making...even had time to eat..so I'm a little worn out right now

I just came back from Boarders and I have a terrible headache....it must have been awhile since I've been out in the public spotlight other than places I am familiar with to an exact science because damn my head hurts.. public places does that to me, so whatever....

and I would like to say that the Boarders in Bloomington is officially the worst ever...couldn't find any CD's I wanted to look at, and there "title sleuth" computers were nowhere to be found....everything was different, but it was trying to be the same, that just pissed me off.....

so yeah, Jim now has two presents...the one which is sitting on the desk here, and the other is that I fixed his orange chair...finally some might say, not like I broke it, it just needed some repair because it wasn't very sturdy...so he'll be pleased with that I can imagine....

need to find a stylist...and the same place needs to do nails as well....shut up...it's not what you think...

the opera idea is a go....so people, throw me some money and I won't hate you..it's my frickin' present...

last night the dance party was moved to NWIndiana on account of everybody being up there...yeah, down here it was just kurtis and I, we ate ice cream, drank wine, and watched a movie....does it count if I've been playing techno music all week though?

oh yeah, that's another thing, I'm back into listening to techno music...I've already downloaded so much it's insane...but I don't know if I'm quite feeling a compilation CD or not..I know my fans would love to hear that...but I don't think it's coming...we'll see

and as for tomorrow...yeah, the end of the century I mean year.... do I have plans..?.,.,.,,,

well, another list for tomorrow, and I work, so yeah, I'm out....

Well This Can't Be Wrong....
damn tests are always right...

well this is what I got..and funny thing, yeah...yeah it's true....everything there, even the description, well minus the "health nut" part? I don't get it, but whatever. Even the frickin' ending, "so sue me", jesus......the damn internet tests nailed me again....



You are a Cartwheeler!


What Sexual Position are you? (Pictures included!!)
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it's fun, you should try it...Seriously.....right now...go go!

With a Knife...
I made a sandwich...

Alright, I got two things..one good one bad...

first the good, it's better in this situation...

so I just made a PB&J sandwich..I know what you're thinking, Jason, you don't like peanut butter all that much, and if you were to make anything it would be toast with jelly(or jam or preserves) on it....yeah, you're right, but I felt like making a sandwich, so sue me....

so right, I made the sandwich, came back to the computer, click click...and what's this, where is my sandwich at....I ate it..already...gee, that was fast...but I want another one...but I don't feel like getting all that shit out again..I mean I did it once already....

that situation ever happen to you? well no more, not with "New Bread"...it's 225% larger than that old fashioned bread grandma used to make sandwiches with...

doesn't that sound like a good idea...larger bread for larger sandwiches, instead of making two sandwiches, just make a large one...think of the possibilities....I think we're onto something here to be honest...

and the second thing....there were two opened jars of strawberry jelly in the fridge...one almost empty (I killed that one) and one that was almost half empty....I was present for both purchases of said jellies...how, and better yet, WHY the last one became opened is beyond me....I swear, this is the shit I'm talking about........

Same Number...
Different House?

so the house has taken on a different role in the past weeks...but it's weird...

I'm not sure if I like it..or not....

alright, so there are less people home, I'll give it that, so there's not a lot of commotion always going on..which is a good thing

I sleep in as to avoid anybody possible..or leave to go do random things, like walk the mall...and then I'm off to work....

I get home and instantly there's this weird vibe in the air....no words are said, just a noise of ackowledgment....they probably know better than to say "hi", I'd lash out like a cat....

but yeah, back to the vibe.....as I get home my mood instantly changes...I pull into the drive, which is a daunting task...everyday the plowers come by...and everyday more snow builds up at the end of the drive...a good half of the street isn't plowed, rather you see these mounds of where people tried to dig their cars out..so after getting my car stuck on one of the ridges, I shovel my way out and make it to the sidewalk, and as I get to the steps I've got to hover over the patches of ice that make up our side of the walk and steps...I don't know how I haven't cracked my head open yet....

so then I make in...crushed by the fact I'm only two people away from having the house to myself...I go in, walk past everyone and go about as if I were the only one there...start undressing, grab something to eat..just go about the normal routines....

I eat in the kitchen away from site of everyone else...in the few seconds that I made my way in the door and into the kitchen I noticed every little detail..I don't want to be seen because I'm cursing aloud to myself while I stand and force food into my mouth only to muddle the outrage....standards rants go as follows...

"fucking fuck fucks...why the fuck can't they fucking put the fucking salt back where they fucking got it from..how fucking hard is that..how many fucking times do I fucking got to put it the fuck back...our fucking salt doesn't belong on the fucking table....every fucking day that fucking piece of salt shaker magically makes it's fucking way to that fucking table...what the fuck is over there it lies so fucking much....is it fucking racist...can it not fucking stand to be next to the fucking black pepper shaker...honestly, what the fuck....."

just a sample, but you get the point....

and every time lately, as I rant in my head, all I can picture and replay back is Jessica saying to everyone in the room and directing it at me, "you're a bad man, a very bad man..you're just....mean!" as she cried over something I just said...

and you know what, I can't help but feel joy from that statement....yes, I am a very bad person...but I have cause. and because I have this reason, I honestly have the right to, in so many words.....

I just think "most" people aren't used to others, or anyone for that matter, telling it like it is...if you do something wrong, I'm gonna let you know..first it will be as nice as I possible can make it, even though I'm strongly pissed, I'll let it slide....but it is all these countless times, again and again, of people doing the same stupid shit...I'm going to let loose before it's too late...instill the punishment early before your child gets out of hand...

and that's what I feel I am doing sometimes..I feel as if I am their parents...trying to correct them from bad habits and manners...

"ohh, I see you felt the need to move my shit off of my credenza, where I left it, and decided that your shit could stay right the fuck there"

another "in-the-head rant"..but yeah..I'm not perfect by any means I'll say that right now....but I make it a point to pick up after myself and not leave things just "lying" around...if something is "out of place" and I put it there...there is a good fucking reason....

sometimes I feel as if some people don't understand they are living with others...they would probably be best suited to live on their own..live in their own crummy, dirty, and disorganized place.....

people just need to have common sense, not what is going on here with people leaving their shoes everywhere, glasses everywhere (and multiple ones at that), medicine cabinet full of crap, putting the smallest things on the largest shelf in the fridge, not putting things back where they got them from, and just general crap lying around...

people, you have to remember there are literally six other people here...you can't do "normal" things, everybody has to make sacrifices...

if only a couple people lived here, shoes by the door would be acceptable...but we can't do or have that, the place would fall apart....you know what, I'd like to put my towels in the built in linen cabinet in the bathroom instead of having to remember to walk down two flights of stairs to get a replacement...but I can't do that because EVERYBODY can't do that. and I personally am not a fan of favoritism, allowing for one person to have such "special" privileges"...

like I said, in a normal house things could fly...but not here...so shape up otherwise I'm going to have to figure out ways to punish people....for some reason I want to say money..but yeah, charge a fine every time you do something wrong...first offences fly, second no no...third = double....sound good? oh, and you still get bitched at of course...

and then there are times when people expect cookies for cleaning up said places, like the kitchen or bathroom..they wants Kudos for going "above and beyond"..well it is a halfassed job if I do say so, and it was your shit that made the mess...so you were supposed to clean it up....

I wiped down the counters and everything in the kitchen...I don't want a medal for it...I did it for myself, nobody else...nobody was around..I just wanted to know that I could have a clean place while I was by myself. the only thing I ask in the meantime is to keep it that way, "leave it as you first saw it" sort of ideal...I was going to post a note saying, "Don't use the Kitchen under penalty of Death", but I thought that was a little rough...but I made my voice heard and told them to keep it as neat as possible, I cleaned it for myself to have clean while everyone was gone..and since you're leaving in 2 days for another said amount of days, keep it clean..I do not want to have to clean it again....

but you know, really...if you make something, a sandwich, a pizza, ramen..clean up the mess, the little "insignificant" crumbs, the rings of whatever fluid you poured into your cups...I mean this should be standard practice...but then again, I may be asking too much from people....

and as for the mood....I kinda like it because nobody bothers me..I can and do do my own thing...no conversation....just me to myself....but because of that situation, there is that tension, that feeling in the air of ,"not-rightness", and that I do not like....

so there you go..this didn't start out red, but as you can see has very much been produced as it....

No More '04
I Want a Five-some....

So as the New Year is approaching I've got to start working on my Year-End Wrap-Up like I always do...though I don't know how I will ever top last year's..phenomenal to say the least..but I'll give it a shot and do what I can....

so the funny thing here is what I remember while making that post...I came up with a little slogan for the new year....I guess it was a resolution of sorts, but it went something like this, "No More in '04" catchy, no?

but now here comes the troubling part...what was I talking about...what did I want "no more" of...

I'm thinking, if I know myself like I think I should, I cam up with the slogan, and had hopes of filling in that part 'no more' with something in the later and upcoming weeks...but I quickly forgot, until now....which makes me kind of sad in a way...I feel as if I broke a resolution....

maybe there was something I wasn't supposed to have more of in '04......whatever..it's over now...

new slogan time....what's it gonna be "Life's a Dive in '05".." Take a Dive in '05"...."Let's Jive in '05"...."Alive in '05" ~ conjured up by Johnny 5......"Strive for '05", just because the for sounds like "four" hahaha..well readers...help me out here...what should this year's slogan be..you can add you own if you like too....

I'm Ga-Ga...
I'm fucking ga-ga...

ughhhh, yeah yeah, I'm not ready to hear it from anybody just yet.....

so yeah, apparently I've become ga-ga over the past 48 hours...which in itself is quite the huge step..I blame it on the comfort of this empty house....I came to the conclusion that I like seclusion..the Christmas was splendid all because there wasn't anybody around...which is what I'm used to, and is definitely a nice change from the chaos that ensues when there are 6 other people here

now I'm not saying being alone wouldn't get boring..because I think it might? I can't tell because I'm there...I remember enjoying my stay everywhere else I was to myself..I think I just need a corner where nobody traverses by and I'll be set...

but here's the best thing...I was pacing the other day..I've picked this trait up again..which makes me happy....all I need is a 25 foot run, semi-straight, and I'm set...I have the company of me and my thoughts...so because I started pacing again, I was talking to myself, incredible...different voices came out, it wasn't really the same, it was more complex, but slower than what I remember...maybe I just need to break it in again...

well whatever it is, I wouldn't mind doing it some more..I actually miss it...I think my blog would take a toll though...expressing all my thoughts and emotions aloud..so we'll see what happens...I mean people come back today, leave again in a few days...so we'll just see....I need a good stretch...like I had in my room in the basement...or the door to the kitchen here...

I know this all seems too random for some of you, but bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this...

you see..I'm picking up all my old traits again...a few days alone and BAM I'm back to the way I should be? good ol reclusive Jason....but yeah, pacing - to clear my mind...talking to myself - to organize my mind...and ga-ga - to complicate my mind....

when I realized what I was doing the other night, the walking and talking...I stopped for a second and just yelled, "YES, I fucking missed you Jason...welcome back!"

so yeah...what's it like being ga-ga....well I haven't been this way since.... ..... .....I danced with Karen Ausdemore? well no, that was just a slight twitch of ga-ga...I know there had to be some random person...maybe not to the extent..that I can remember.....hell, this ga-ganess has completely warped my memory....

I hate being in ga-ga mode, it's incredibly hard to hide from everyone...busting out into laughter randomly, smiling really hard, showing all teeth...making stupid little noises, lost train of thought..forgetfulness, clumsiness, stuttering...incoherent rambling....but then I ask, what's different? I guess it's all at once..and much more apparent to those around me, no matter how I try to control it....

now I know why we are always scheduled opposite of each other...so that I'm not a complete doofus when I work...they want to keep me as one of the best bussers....which makes trying to get together literally impossible...

but what can I say...I'm off to work again, just a short break...but yeah, I get to go back to her and become an idiot

*she touched my shoulder*

sighs and rolls eyes...I hope becoming myself is a good thing...old habits are hard to break

Rita..Rita....Rita.......
wtf mate?

honestly, what's up with that comment...

- Honestly, fighting back that comment with a post is exactly what they want, so I'll play into their little game for the moment, lord knows I can't walk away from a battle without throwing my iron fist around....

do you know me at all...because I certainly do NOT know you..so don't go making judgment calls here....anybody that's anybody who remotely knows me knows for a fact I NEVER get high on myself...I am seriously one of the most humble people possible...but every now and then I have a bit of pride and like to let it shine (like myself....get it, that was a joke..)

which in fact is too a joke..whenever I get high on myself everybody knows I'm not being serious...my rocking is understood and doesn't need to said..and since it isn't said, that is part of the reason as to why I rock...god here I go on myself again...

and who said I was "down in the gutter"......where in my ramblings does it say that..anywhere??? who's down in the gutter...if the gutter is having a great fucking time, laughing up a storm, throw a dance party ever Wednesday night....then we my dear have different definitions of "in the gutter"

and if I'm upset at other people doing wrong things...why can't I say it...I mean it's not right and I don't like it...where's the conflict with that? everybody fucks up...some more than others, but people don't learn lest you teach them, ie tell them what's wrong, right? whatever....everybody has a right to complain, especially when it comes to their personal space and their living quarters, no matter what the situation may be...get off yourself...

and another thing...when I posted my "Christmas Hate" post, it was still Christmas day..however when you posted your comment, it was no longer Christmas day...so I have no idea where you have nerve to bitch me out saying Christmas is over...it wasn't at the time of the post...I'm sorry my posts don't disappear after the day changes? I'm sorry, how am I at fault here?

and what if being "high on myself" was my Christmas present...what's that to you...does it interfere with your life..nope....it actually doesn't hit anybody's...and what, maybe makes me feel better for a split second...way to go ruining Christmas b...

you know...it's actually good to have some sort of pride every now and then...(talk about making the most, you don't know what is coming out of your fingers..)

holiday goggles? I'm everso confused......

see the world for what it really is..what is that? I mean obviously I have these "goggles" on which I don't know are a good thing or bad thing in my mind...you never specified..remember you were bitching at me for hating the holidays, but scorn me for wearing holiday glasses?

you get out of life what you put into it....total bullshit line, thanks Beatles, but no...."the love you make is equal to the love you take" yeah we all remember that line, it's a crock of bull, ask anyone who has ever loved...same analogy, same suckiness.... I mean it's partly true...but not absolute, there are no absolutes, so this is just someone's crackpipe philosophy...it's what a person who wants to feel better about themselves and their life choices to a person who has a more negative approach to life...sorry for me being influenced by Sartre..

I believe everything happens for a reason, there..that's my optimistic side...whether good or bad, it happens because it was supposed to, can't tell you why, but it just does..deal with it..that's all you can do right?

as for this magic bus you speak of....I'm not waiting for it (though it was a pretty kick ass show..and I believe it is still on TV in the morning because I watched an episode the other day...) and as for taking me back to that perfect place.."Jason-land"..well I'm there...my life is my life's reality bubble...I live everyday in Jason-Land, making the most out of every situation..I make it as perfect as can be (and perfect doesn't exist so deal with it...or try getting close)

you obviously do not know me, know my story, and just sound like a bitter old hag. I'M in Bloomington...I'm in my bubble, away from you "Rita", so quit trying to make your way in...everybody has their bubbles they live in too, so don't go trying to make a comment how I am blinded because I live in my bubble....everybody has theirs...some people's extend from 1st street to campus...nothing west of Walnut, nothing east of Jordan, nothing north of campus...anything outside that bubble scares them...it's an entirely different world.

and let me tell you this, that person lives the life he wants in that bubble, he makes the most of it, sure he has his down times...but who the fuck doesn't...next thing you're going to ask is why are people bitter....come on, get a fucking life man...the one question that actually has an answer....

and just to make things clear...my last post was about me not being supportive of Christmas, not taking part of it, whatever..I have my own beliefs and I was just making it clear to all those around me why I believe so (since I do get asked..)..it however, was NOT about me hating life or it's struggles, a pity call, a demand for better...just simply stating what I felt...I mean this is MY fucking journal is it not...do I not have the right to express my thoughts here?

And I still contend that the last post wasn't in ill will, rather I was happy..did you miss that in the first half...you know, where I texted everyone a Happy Christmas....are you jealous you didn't a card in the mail this year so you have to take it out on me? because YOU didn't get what you wanted for Christmas this year, or life for that matter, you feel the need to lash out at anybody possible, thinking this internet would suffice because what else are these journals and commentation system's used for, except by people who know the writer to some degree - they use it in good taste - but you deary, you are in the vast population who need to express how life has wronged them by taking it out on every little thing in people's journals...critiquing them to such a degree one may call it harassment, if this were in the real world and not the online world yes..so you got lucky there (here, whatever). Why don't you do society (both reality and virtually)((and yourself)) a favor, get some piano string, find a chair, and call it a day...we don't need your type with your pre-judgmental, verbally-violent, unconstructive telling me what's up with my life when it's actually you who has the problem negatism around, ok?

~keep your webpages fixed on Lowell's, not mine...

and as for telling me it's nearly 2005, thanks for the update Big Ben...I guess "actual" time doesn't exist in my "Jason-Land"...but really, what does 2005 have to do with anything...is/was something supposed to happen? Am I behind schedule with my "fake life"..I don't give a good fuck if it is 2025 and I was 42 (well maybe, I mean 42 is the answer...) I don't care where my life is or is heading...I'm having the time of my life not figuring it out...I'm doing something you're not and something you'll never be able to do...I fucking living life.

peace motha fucka!

Mele Kalikimaka
I Hate Christmas....

Now one of those statements I love to say...and the other is true...

anyways, let's just get out in the open and say it..Merry Frickin' Christmas to you all...yeah yeah... let's see, so that makes for four different ways I've sent out that holiday spirit today...we got the blog covered, I IM'ed people on AIM, called some people...and the best one was the mass text message to all mobile numbers in my phone book...

reason why that was so great was because there are numbers in there from people I don't talk to anymore, but just have built up over time..what a year, good grief...

anyways, what made me happy was the response I got from the texting...those same said people that I hadn't talked to messaged me back..those I talk to this day replied back yes, but just the fact that they probably deleted the number from their phone (like I should have) and had forgotten me completely, get a message saying Merry Christmas, and they feel jubilant enough to reply back, spreading the love...amazing...

but I hate Christmas...I am a scrooge to the T, bah humbug I say..and let me explain...

Alright, Christmas no longer has any religious meaning to the majority of the people...who was born on this day, uncle fred? all it is in reality is a corporate conglomeration pushing marketing propaganda onto a susceptible consumer mass to increase profits and sell shit that normally wouldn't make it. That said, why I hate it...

alright, anybody who knows me knows I am a great person...not to toot my own horn here but yeah, I fucking rock..for this one reason....all year round I give gifts. the only day that I see it fit to give somebody a present on certain said day would be a birthday...but even then we are stretching it..cards sure, something nice yeah..buy me dinner on my birthday, treat me like royalty..that's all I need, not any presents..right?

anyways..like I said, I buy gifts for people all year round, and you know why..it all relies upon timing. you're out and you just happen to come across something that your friend would love, it goes perfectly with them, yadda yadda yadda...you get it...but it's April...their birthday has passed..what do you do?

now there have been times I have held onto gifts to give on certain days, but that's only because I don't see them in everyday life...people come together on certain holidays, I know I won't see them until that date, so the gift will wait...and when you get gifts on only your birthday or Christmas, then you have made your way out of the circle..you're sub-par to me....

people in the circle get the gift of my presence all year long...which is truly a gift...not only do I get the best presents and know what to get for people, but I am one of the greatest friends to have...

*Wow, I'm getting really high on myself here..* whoops, sorry **..but deservant yes**

But I'm being serious here...if you force yourself to go out and buy a gift for someone because it a certain day is coming up..well then that gift doesn't have the same spark, the same pizzaz...it's forced....sure you may get lucky and find that perfect gift...but everything comes at a time when it is supposed to.....don't go out looking for something unless it's groceries....the best presents are ones that fall into your lap, because not only are they happy to have received the gift, but you are just as elated to have found the gift in such a miraculous way...it's win win...

not to mention if you buy everyone you know gifts at the same time you are putting a financial hurt upon yourself...lest you be some bastard who only gives gifts at those two times in the year...and you save up for those dates....then you just suck at life and I hope you die...you will never know the meaning of living life.

so there, I think that will clear up some air for everyone...buys gifts all year to show your love, respect, and friendship to those around you...but because I know there are still some people who believe in this crapwhore of a holiday, I will acknowledge it and give everyone calls and season's greetings...I still respect them for it and will respect their beliefs by acknowledging it...good tidings.

Better Quotes..
...for better daze....

Had this cute little conversation, it's just a smidgen, so take it for what it it...

A: "...well she was everything X was and wasn't..and better..."
D: " well obviously not, look what happened..."
A: "Just because you win doesn't mean you're better"

Ha, but that's so true....I'd say a large portion of "winners" or "people who succeed" aren't necessarily the best fit for it...they won by chance, luck, or they cheated...

Winning doesn't make you better than someone, and it doesn't mean you're better than someone...

no matter how good you are at something, there'll always be someone better.......but that doesn't mean you can't beat them anyways? is that what we learned here?

F'ing....
effing...

you know what I hate, when people who try to make "effing" a word, and use it in their journals...it's completely ridiculous....

alright, try to understand this people....F'ing is short for Fucking...it's like its abbreviated, kinda...but in reality it's just shortened up.

so don't go and try to be all scene-like and make a word out of an abbreviated/shortened word...by using the sounds of it....that's retarded...

"effing", just like "fetch", will never make it...and if it does, that's F'ing retarded.....

so people please stop using it, it only makes you look more dumb than you already are...it's defiant, destructive, disillusioned, dumb, dirty, and just down right disrespectful to everyone and everything the English language stands for.....

I hate you.

All's Fair in Love and War..
..especially when love becomes war

Estuans interius ....

so yeah....I know this would never be possible, because I am, how do you say...I picky/hard mother to buy things for....

I know there is nobody in this world that would ever think of getting me this as a present...

so I present to you, something that I would appreciate

This is amazing....

Yeah, seriously, not what you were expecting...it's not cheap, but not expensive really..I mean I could have asked for something a lot grandiose than that I'll tell you...

I get to play dress up for the night, get a tux, it'd be hot...wanna be there???

and actually trying to find someone to go with you who would appreciate it is just as hard....like I said, I know of one fucker that would appreciate it, but I'll just hold my breath and die before that happens....

so two tickets is the minimum to can do for me...good seats too, nothing shotty I don't want to have to buy those opera glasses anyways...

ohhh, and the best part of this all was when I asked people if they wanted to go see this, I sent them the link and I got these responses...

: Who are they? - more than once
: no idea what it is - fair enough?
: is that alcohol? - yeah

alright, so that's all for now....if you all pitch in this can surely be possible....remember my birthday is April 8th..so this would be a slightly early present....

*thinks* now if they everyone I know throws in 5 bucks.....wait......10 bucks..............hold on, if I only know four people...then they would have to......

12 Inches...
12th Dance Party...

so dance party eh? yeah, I guess if you count the solo shot rally by myself...I played some DDR, had a drink, had very interesting conversations, laughed at my hysterical jokes all the while techno was playing in the background...and still is...

I guess it's the spirit that counts, it lived on through routine...I suppose this counts as a Dance Party...though number 12 will have an asterick by it because it was one that almost bit the dust...

I know plans were high, some were calling it an anniversary of sorts, third month and all..so I guess we'll just have to make up for it next time? I think the Wednesday of the homecoming will be the big one..hopefully, but we'll just have to wait and see...

reason for no turnout...well the holidays did play a little bit of it, but yeah...it was all the frickin' snow we got...it started at 3am last night and is still going...we are under emergency snow alert or some crap....in most places south of Indy, if they catch you on the roads you will get a ticket...

and apparently all the snow plowers and whatnot also went on Winter Vacation...because nothing was removed off the streets...I mean they knew it was coming...but as I went out at 10 this morning, still roads were shit...and when I came home ten hours later, still horrible...

what I wasn't happy about was the fact that our driveway wasn't shoveled...I wasn't expecting it to be, but I thought for a glimmer of a moment that the two remaining would be wise enough to shovel the drive to get their cars off the street so the plow could get through, you know..because it's illegal to have your car on the street when X amount of snow falls...whatever, so I plowed my car into the embankment called our drive way, got it stuck then shoveled for an hour....good times....

oh, and you know what I did the first 2 hours of work....shoveled....yeah, I circumnavigated around the OG....

I like the word circumnavigate...has always been a favorite...

so the weather's bad, but that don't mean shit...I've never let the weather be an excuse for me not to go somewhere or do something....I may have said it was the reason because I really didn't feel like doing something and wanted to do my own thing...but I never actually not do something because of the weather....if I wanted to be in NWIndiana, I'd drive...hell we went to Biggs in worse conditions than that are out there, so I don't want to hear it....but as for coming "home"..what, are ya fucking kidding me....seriously....

I'm gonna have the house to myself...given that Pete and jess actually do head out and make it to NWI...and then I don't know what...tomorrow's my day off...I think I will go shooting, B&W that is...I'm in total black and white mode...got the grey hoody on and everything...then naked DDR..eat a cinnabon...watch a movie...whatever I want

ohh, but as of now I've got to mend something that will eventually break? yeah, got a phone call, made a joke I THOUGHT the person would get, seeings how that is one of their favorite movies, and always quotes it...but it was taken seriously (only I would have that problem...) and of course they turned the phone off soon after the hang up...whatever...

whatever indeed, I've been reduced and forced out of the circle...instead of getting gifts, I get cards...cards and demands for their presents....cards, demands, and able to forget about.......cards, demands, forgetfulness, and shit...lots of shit.....

yeah, have yourself a Merry Fucking Christmas....





p.s. I hope they DID hide the card to protect me...I doubt it would be nothing like what I would hope...like Natalie's card....

Keep it Coming...
Snowballin!!!

So yeah..today it was something in the fifties..I don't know, but I do know that it was frickin' nice outside, nice enough for ME to go out the doors and sport no coat.....

and all day I heard nothing but "blizzard this" and "snow storm that"..pish posh I said, it was way to nice out...

well, I am taking back what I said, it's snowing outside...sure enough. now I'm not saying I was wrong..I just said, "...with the way the weather was it seemed very unlikely to have snow..but anything is possible I mean this is Indiana still.." so yeah, words from a great man...

so yeah, it's snowing, yet again, hopefully this will stick for longer than the last batch...

which I'll just add, the day after I posted the "Make-A-Flake" site..it snowed...yeah....

but I went out tonight, I ran out of ribbon to wrap my presents in...ohhh, how I love to wrap presents, it's the best part of this frickin' season (I swear, I out-do myself every year...) but yeah I went to the store, made conversation with the store keep, bought Christmas items at a reduced price...and as I walked out of the store I was elated to see the snow still coming down from above....this combination of all things actually got me into the spirit of the Holidays....yeah, I was happy to be out doing my thing, wrapping gifts, snow was falling, and I was shopping with great prices....what could be better....

Road Trip's a Plenty...
..I can't hack it no more...

Ughhh, that's all I have to say really....

went on a spontaneous road trip this afternoon...yeah, the reason: I wanted cinnabon's...and for some odd reason the mall here in B-Town does not have one....so it was a toss up of either Terre Haute or Indianapolis....I would have gone for Terre Town, but I know that Vince isn't there and it wouldn't be worth the trip..but I really do hate Indy....

the trip can't be called as spontaneous as I may make it seem...it actually started as a craving Monday evening, while I was at work I really wanted some cinnabon's, the more I thought about it, the more I had to do it..find the nearest Cinnabon and go....plus we here have nothing better to do with our lives as it is, so why not a road trip, brief, but still something to kill a couple hours of time...

I almost opted to make those Pilsburry cinnamon rolls, but decided agaisnt it...I was going on the trip damn it!

so I woke up this morning, laid half awake/half asleep for a good couple hours not really aware what was going just listening to the radio...then I heard my voicemail go off, I retrieved to find out it was Neil, asking if I was still going to Indy...now he wanted to go (well he kinda did before, but his mon was coming down to pick him up so random whatever, the answer last night was no...) so yeah, he asked if he could come, not a problem of course..and so it was just he and I, Pete backed out that morning for whatever reason...

So I was gone for what, three hours altogether....two of it driving or so..and yeah, I'm fucking vanquished...all tonight at work I was just thinking about how much I wanted to lay down...which reminds me...I fucking invited Patty over to watch a movie and she didn't take me seriously..and ducked out before I could get her attention again...I fucking hate people...

I suppose the one thing that got me through the night was the mere fact that I have an actual present to wrap...and no it's not for any of you, it's for Karla, that doll from Munster who works with me..anyways, I get to give that to her tomorrow, yay!

but yeah..since when do I become tired after a mere three hours of activity..especially when it comes to driving....of all things driving..I suppose when your normal commuting in a day goes from an hour and a half to a mere 20 minutes you have a different grasp on things...I wasn't until I was about 15 minutes from home on the ride when I started to realize how I really didn't free my mind or think things through while on this drive..like I normally do with road trips...has the blog actually been doing it's job as a venting source for me...have I been telling everybody exactly how I feel and therefore have nothing bottled up inside of me....well, part of that is true, but there are still somethings I keep to myself....and those my friend, those are the worst ones that eat away at me like some frickin' acid...

I just made my nose bleed in order to stop smelling those fucking inscents...thank you very much....

at work tonight it was weird...I walked in the back seating area to check on it, it was closed with the exception of employees eating, and as soon as I walk in Mindy says, "Jason you're a nice guy"..I was befuddled.."thank you? did I do something or something?".."no, you're just a nice person that's all.."...."ohh, ok?...I see it was just in general conversation, yeah alright..." *walks away with that "I don't know what is going on look" on my face...so yeah, that's what happened, who knows what Mindy and Darrell were talking about, or why I came up...am I a nice person..well truly I am, but at the same time I'm a complete ass....I guess it's all in how you get to me..and how you let me get to you...

ohh, I could go off on a tangent about that last part, but I'll save it and start on a next post....this one is long enough....so that's it kidos, see you all next time..I need some rest....

God it's only Tuesday...
..never thought you'd hear that from me huh?

Yeah, so all the students were officially kicked out of the dorms at 10am Eastern Standard time on Sunday, many leaving well before that...so yeah, this place is a frickin' ghost town to say the least.

Here right now are Jessica, Pete, Neil, and myself....and this is supposed to keep me sane....

Jim went back home, for what reason is beyond me, I think it was to work or something...but couldn't he have gotten a job at the FedEx down here...probably not..so yeah, he's gone....and Maria is up there with him?

Spaulding has gone to Panama...he and I gave him a 60% chance of returning, which is pretty good consider all the possibilities that could happen....and inturn, he gave me a 60% chance of still living here if and when he returns, considering all the possibilities....

So yeah, with no classes and no jobs, people are having the first strikes of a cabin fever type syndrome...yeah, Neil is going completely insane, though he lives his life a little bit more "free-lanced and wild", if you will, than we particularly do...I mean I'm not knocking the kid, he's great and all...but he's got like an ADHD problem where he always has to be doing something..something exciting...lounging around and chillin' out are not his ideas of a good time..though he has settled into it a couple times already...

we've been watching movies, and I've been trying to pull out the really good ones to keep him distracted long enough...so far my picks have proved to be very good...but we shall soon hit mediocre and have an ansty Neil on our hands...

and then there's the dance party....which is tomorrow...which will be number 12...wow, three months of Wednesday Night Social Gatherings intermingled with Spontaneous Booty Dancing....that's a lot of good times....and to think, it's been so close to abomination it isn't even funny...but it's a tradition, and with traditions you're either in it or you're not...you can't skip one and still call it a tradition, that's bullshit...you don't care enough to rally and pull through with it and make it fucking happen, then don't try to stick your nose around and call things traditions...

I fucking hate when people try to stop doing things like that....they can do it the first couple times, yeah cause they're all psyched up and can do it...then come the fifth time they just don't have the energy for it...they've hit that wall where it's Will Vs Grace...Mind over Matter...and it's true...look at most diets..hell, since the time is right, look at New Year's Resolutions...yeah they last two weeks, then that's it....but when it does last people will tell you, it's after the first couple weeks it's the hardest..but once you get into the groove of things, over that lackbuster hill, you're fucking set...

will dance parties ever achieve that unsaid, "let's Do this" everyone's all in sort of attitude....as much as I would like to say yes, I highly doubt it...there are too many people and factors involved for it to be like that amongst everyone..but as for Neil and I, we're golden....and yeah, it's like that to us....even if my Wednesday nights are spent in a pissy/depressed hormonal rage that nobody can do a thing about...I need for it to happen and will see to it that it does!




p.s....and yeah, just to let you know...I am scheduled to work tomorrow, as a double....on the sacred day of Wednesday...fucking rediculous....well, I guess I can let it slide this one time, since m normal day to work of Saturday isn't possible...but just this once, and maybe some other time something similiar to this happens..but still, i have told all my employers..DO NOT SCHEDULE ME ON WEDNESDAY....and nobody's had a problem since...til now...

Shower Idea
..golden god?

So I had this brilliant idea..ok, maybe not brilliant, but damn good..and if I make it a joke, I'll actually end up doing it, just because it's a joke....

anyways, I am going to write my 35,000 page autobiography and I am going to title it, ok you ready for this, "Short, Quick, and To the Point"

ohhh, my clever wit has got you spinning in circles I can tell!

but yeah, I think autobiographies are the greatest insight into history...you have events that happened locally, personally, and globally to a single individual, and how they dealt with the times around them..so fascinating, I love it!




oh, and P.S. Neil asked me a couple hours when I was ever going to write a book because he wants to read it....awwwww

Couldn't BE More True...
..unless I said it..

A very "special" dictionary. by lily22
Look up:
Definition:	An inside joke or euphemism that nobody else gets; the confused look on a visitor's face as he spots the insiders' smirks.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

But yeah...how fucking true is that....Jim was just saying the other day, if it were just him and I to get a place to stay for next year, it would be one of the most anti-social things possible...and when poeple were to come over, they would just leave 20 minutes into their stay because we would be cracking up about stupid little things that we would only know...like "so, do you want a Hot Pocket?"

god, it's so simple, yet nobdoy would get it unless we told the story, it's not obvious or sexual...it just falls into place like that....i'm going to go now.."you want a Hot Pocket"..god that's fucking hilarious!!!!

Some More to Know...
..it'll blow your mind

you know what particularly pisses me off...the fucking wind.

if there were one "natural" occurrences that I could hate; out of hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes...I would choose the WIND.

all too often that damn phenomenon ruins everything...you look outside, you see it looks warm..you take a quick step out just to be on the safe side, and yeah it's nice..you dress "appropriately" and you're out the door....only to be pissed off moments later when you are being knocked around on the sidewalk, partly freezing because of the wind.

so it messes with the temperature...making things 4 times colder than it actually should

it blows things around..you can't play outside when it is frickin' windy as hell...can't play basketball or any sports like that...

and walking around just sucks in general...you have to go to class or to your car and the wind is coming right at you...walking in the wind is near impossible...

but I love Chicago, even if it does have the title "the Windy City"...it ironically enough is not the windiest City in the World, not even North America...I don't even think it is in the top 5 for the US...but whatever, so my love is still justified...

but that's why I'll never be able to own a convertible...I hate the wind...and that's why my windows are always rolled up....I can't stand having the wind blowing in on me....and then that leads us into a weird circle....I'm antisocial because I don't want anything external coming in, so I roll up the windows...but by rolling up the windows I have become accustomed to not socializing and adopting the outside world..so I go about my business in my own little world

so yeah, if you and I are ever in a car together and you want to piss me off to no end, just roll down one of your windows...no matter what seat I am in, if it is blowing directly on me or not...I'll get pissy..I may not act like it bothers me, because so many fucking people like to drive with their windows down (fucking losers, turn on the god damned AfuckingC) so I just try to cope....but if I'm in the backseat....I'll kick your fucking ass, as soon as I fucking unfreeze myself...

so there you have it..one more element into the mind and life of Jason.

"Faith is like the wind......because it blows"

Joss Stone..
..you had me...

Concert....Indy...
- I hate in indy

In for free...
- why not, i've never heard of

Backstage passes...
- yeah, now we're talking...

The meeting....
- shit yeah

The after-show party...
- free food and booze

Saying the night in her suite...
- priceless


bitches..
sorry I had to

Short Quotes..
but the post is long?

so I felt like IM'ing Asian Tony at 5 in the morning, for what reason I do not know...probably because he was the only name on my buddy list that wasn't idle, well besides mine and the person I was talking to...but I know he runs his name with the idle off, so you could very well be idle, just playing a trick on us all...either way I messaged him..and I saved it just for you!

Blue35Tuesday: I love you too much not to say hello!
Auto response from Dragoon Zephiris: Friends are over....just chilling.

yeah..that was it! how brilliant was that...I mean come on! god I rock so hard...he's gonna get that message in the morning and be like..wow, a message from jason..and he'll read it and be like...ohh, that crazy bastard.

but my favorite part was what isn't typed there...I got the away message auto response and instantly my hands went up into the air as if some field goal kick was good and I said, "hell yes still on the buddy list"..because, I got the auto response...which you only get if you are on somone's buddy list....you see....we haven't talked in forever..but yet I'm still there...and he's still on mine...weird world we live in huh...

so that's my story...

Half Random, Half Updates...
Long winded though, ha..

so just some info about me....I like girls who are not my age...I originally stated younger, but erased it because that's not necessarily true, as we have encountered in the past...

but yeah, I just don't like girls my age, go figure....I never really have..I mean sure, there have been the occasional crushes on girls in the same class as me, but yeah, it's never actually gone any further than that....I'm usually attracted to a girl who is younger or older than myself...and I don't think I am purposefully doing so, it just happens like that, there's an attraction, we are drawn together in a way...

just like region people are drawn to other region people when you are not in the region....like here in Bloomington for example...I come across many different people in my day...but the ones I go home with..or rather just like to talk to or hang out with, are, sadly, people from the region....we talk and start getting to know each other, get to like each other, and then it comes out..oh, you're from highland well I'm from munster..yadda yadda yadda....as simple as that...

but there's one girl...one girl who has broken those two bits on me....she's 21...from ft. wayne...and her name doesn't end in an A..what the hell...my reasoning for justifying why I think I like her is because she reminds me of someone else...instantly, if you look or resemble somebody I know, I have some weird attraction towards you, unfounded yes, but still it's there...maybe in a way I am merely trying to replace that person through you....but who the hell is she....I know that fucking look...I've seen those eyes before..there's some passion in them...the color is not the same, green, but that fucking look she gives, that half smile thing....who the hell does she think she is/ rather who the hell do I think she is..damn Kim(n)

I updated my Xanga, just for the people who came to the dance party last night (still tonight, the night isn't over til I sleep, so whatever..) so that was fun..yeah, it's under blue35tuesday, as always...

dance party was a big success, I was very pleased...and it wasn't even the turn out, it was just how things fell together..and let me tell you..today did not feel like a Wednesday at all....I wasn't feeling a dance party, and I was pretty sure nobody else really was...but Neil and I, damn us, we are underdogs..rooting for the rally...and we did, big time..so way to go everyone....

and I got called out on my statement about "how it's the holidays, and that's when you tell the truth so ask me anything, I'll answer like normally I would"...well, for this one answer, nobody's ready for it...let me write my book, get my own place, and then you may read your answer, you'll be thoroughly satisfied, I promise...

got pictures back..that thoroughly rocked....had some really nice pictures, still got two more rolls to pick up tomorrow and we'll be set...oh, and got back another "panoramic" photo...yet again to freak me out, yet so funny, I don't know what to say..it rivals the virgin mary shot...

and I think that about does it...no more no less...just long enough as it is...but don't worry, there's plenty more I'm sure....

So Before I Pass Out...
the Room is still spinning....

ok, so it's only been like 2 minutes in between this post and that last one, but I changed the time stamp to get my Tuesday's post in...whatever, so fucking sue me....

anyways, I just want to get this out....I'm not speaking to any one in particular, so go with that in mind.....

to anyone who could say the things "you" said, wrote them out...in such a way that you knew they would eat me up on the inside...you knew those cruel thoughts would linger in me, killing me slowly....who time and time again made me feel more insignificant than a grain of sand..and continued to let me live this way, constantly being broken down for you to rebuild, remold, and remodel....then crushed like some fucking legos....as if this were a game to you..having your fun here and there....storing me away in the closet, forgetting about me when you had better play toys...only to pull me out when those toys broke on you...or your pets ran away from you....

for all that I will give you a [slight] congratulations, you achieved something nobody else could...but morely I give you my middle finger....to hell with somebody who could actually do all those things I just stated..no seriously, fuck off....don't come around here no more, I don't wanna see that face no more..someone like that I don't need around, nobody does...so do us all a favor and just die...from our existence..you knew what you were doing, you knew the effects and repercussions and yet still opted to do them, in hopes they would be successful...well you know what, they were, and that's murder one in my book...so it's lights out for you bitch. you are now being deleted from my mind...(too bad that's already a movie?)

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe. Where I'm bound, I can't
tell. But goodbye's too good a word, gal. So I'll just say fare thee well. I ain't
sayin' you treated me unkind. You could have done better but I don't mind. You just
kinda wasted my precious time. But don't think twice, it's all right.

I WON'T Be Home For Christmas...
...so lick it, like you used to....

Alright, so let's do this, I've sat here long enough, now's the time to get back to writting.....

of course I wanted to write a bunch of things, but forget them, again...I need a word for this..so that I don't have to type out that phrase every freakin' time it happens, because I'll be Jason, it happens a lot....(..you see...that was a play on words...instead of "I'll be frank" I said "I'll be Jason"...get it...god yes...)

So I have a new item added to the Ain't Gonna Happen Wall....you know, those stupid things that just are not going to happen in a million years...like the estimate that this bitch gave me because she thought I scratched her car...or the jury duty for Illinois....yeah, fuck that.

It's finals week, and people are trying to learn a semesters worth of knowledge in the few hours that remain between them and academic probation....

I've been having "bad" dreams lately..well I mean they are normal dreams, just "bad" things happen in them, recurring themes if you will..and the sad part is, while I'm dreaming, the dream knows it shouldn't be allowing for what's going on...it's really sad and I'm gonna have to make it stop...

following that, there's a girl I think I may like from work, that I thought I may actually have some chance with, since she's one of the few not married and without a boyfriend....but any and all hope was thrown out the window when she forgot my name....no big deal you say, but we talked all Friday night...maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it's because I didn't catch her attention like she so caught mine...fuck

can't wait to eat subway....yeah it's happening tomorrow....if I wake on "time"

really, I don't need to wake up tomorrow, well not until Friday..but if it weren't for that damn Dance Party, I wouldn't leave that tent...that's ok, we need to rally some people...people who need a break from cramming...and who need a little bit a dancin'

Number 11

oh, and sadly I will not make it for the Baiel's Holiday Party, which I am really pissed about...but I have to work all weekend, even if I didn't work on just Saturday I would trek up there...so yeah, I'm really sad I can't go this year...I wanted to so frickin' much, I don't think you know....so yeah, since I won't be up there for that, don't expect to see me up there before the new year...

I have to stop reading, the damn room is starting to spin...annnnnd I'm thirsty...sooooo goodnight.

Editor's Note...
Corrections...

Friday night/Saturday morning at 3:20 or so Blue35Tuesday had reported an error. The name "Curtis" was spelled just like so, when in fact it was, and is, "Kurtis". We appologize for our fuck-up and reinstill into your mind that what is said in this Blog is spur of the moment, no real fact checking, but we are always right in context..so get off our backs on subtextual things, fuckers. thank you and goodnight!

So..Answer Me This....
..because I only wanna be with you...

Maybe it's much too early in the game
Ooh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year's eve

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of the thousand invitations
You received

Ooh, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance:
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of the thousand invitations
You received

Ooh, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance:
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?

So what's it going to be???

Make-A-Flake
Shib-A-Dib

still waiting for my snow yo..

So since it isn't snowing, and it may not snow for awhile...go ahead and make your own snowflakes....yeah you heard me, make them yourselves..it's kinda fun...for the first two minutes, so enjoy it, knowing that it probably took me longer to actually type this all out and think of a title versus the time you will actually spend at this site, thank you.

A Little Something To Do...
Monique, Sarah, Kim, Cassandra, Curtis...

Alright, so I just got back from all my outings this evening...and let me tell you....

so I went to work....which started out horrible because I was ten minutes late...why you ask, oh, well it wasn't anything that pertained to me, no.....it was because somebody was parked behind me. Now, alone, I hate when people park behind me...I never take it into consideration...the time it takes to go outside, see that some fuck is behind me, go inside, see if they are home to move the car, then they aren't so I have to move both vehicles, and then go to work, that alone takes a good 5+ minutes to do by yourself...but this time...oh buddy..this time the perpetrator who parked behind did not leave their spare set of keys on the "IF YOU PARK IN THE DRIVE WAY YOU MUST LEAVE YOUR KEYS ON THIS RING" keyring..

so yeah..here I am, approaching the red zone of time to go to work, and somebody's behind me, and I do no have their keys to move their car, and they are not home..........I frantically search the house, search the credenza, but to no avail, then finally I make an angry phone call and they come back to move their car...start the day off right huh....

ohhh, and on top of that, some fuck decided it was time to do their laundry too...so as I am sleeping I hear the laundry door open and everything going in...I will say, they were trying to make it quiet as possible...but it couldn't wait? that damn buzzer went off as loud enough to wake the dead...so I get ready to go to work in the meantime..anybody rushing downstairs to put their load into the dryer...nope....must have not been that important.....

I know I don't have control over the entire basement, but seriously...do I go into your room to make scrambled eggs..I think not. something's gotta give....soon....

so I go to work...and surprisingly I am on some euphoric high, I can't stop smiling...and I wasn't even working with the people I liked...but whatever...

got invited to an OG party after work, but that will come up later...

I got cut from work, made it home, changed and ate a quick little bite, went to the concert...it wasn't the best let me tell you...there were a lot of mess ups, that I think even the crowd would notice, but everybody has their off days...still I wasn't feeling the sound of their music..so sue me....

but I believe I did some of my best camera work, I don't know why but I was so damned confident while taking their pictures, it was really fucking weird....

so right after the show I took off and headed for the party...I did not want to stick around, I didn't help them set up, so I had no obligation to tear down, plus I paid to get in, whatever...and yes, I was running away from somebody who doesn't return my phone calls, but like they fucking noticed anyways...

so I drowned my sorrows at the party....where I almost went home with a couple different people....Kimmy must have known better because she was all about the escape as I walked her to her car, damn her..and then Curtis wanted to watch Family Guy...but I just wanted to get into my warm bed...even alone it would suffice for tonight...there's always tomorrow...right?

anyways...so I am here, found out there are a couple people who adore me at the OG, but nobody that I adore back, but hey, that's life and that's how it goes....

I'd rather love the wrong person for the right reasons than love the right person for the wrong reasons....

Not Feeling the Funk...
..time to settle down..

So let's see, I work tonight, yeah, good ol OG...and then I got to leave so I can make it to the Coinslot rock show..which to be honest, I'm not really feeling...

I don't know what it is, but I'm not feeling down for going out and shooting anything...it could be caused by everything else going wrong in my life, could be this house acting up on me, who knows, just not wanting to do it...

but I'll put aside my grudges and bite down, take one for the team...I'll take a couple pics and then I'll be good...we'll see what happens...

any other news? nope, none that I can think of...

I Care For People I Shouldn't...
When I Shouldn't...

Yeah, I know it may come to you as a surprise, the person who hates everybody...actually gives a good fuck about people.

I don't know what it is, but when I know somebody that needs help, I'm there...like there's some sort of bat signal for me and I come calling like I'm some fucking superhero.

well I'm not, I need not to care so much about people, when really I should only care about myself...

all too lately I've been coming through in clutch moments, coming through big time..but that's just what I do,and to quote kneely, "no, you do more than you can do.." which is obviously a contradictory statement..you do what you can, you can't achieve anything higher than that...you can't give more than 100% and therefore what you can do is less than that..some people have their own levels..why can't we all do "more than we can"

and because I care so god damn much, I have an opinion on what I believe is right and wrong, and live by it to an extreme..yeah I'm a conservative so that fucks with a lot of people's minds and values...however distorted they are.

I don't want to care for you if you can't respect me back, or give that to me back in some way...anybody that makes me feel lies this is obviously not worth my worries.

I think I'm gonna change my voicemail to, "yeah, you got the voicemail because people like you suck..I didn't answer because I don't want to talk to you...I will not return your calls, burn in hell....and for those of you who actually matter I may just be at work or sleeping, in that case leave a message..."

I'm not going to put myself out there anymore..which means I have to learn not to care about things..which means I should delete all that mattered in the past..whatever..there's going to be another post about this..if not something larger....

10th Anniversary...
We're in double digits now baby....

So, just because the magic has died, or got stopped at the boarder and is on hold..whatever the case may be, the dance parties are still going strong...tonight is a good night, right?

well not exactly..things barely got by with a push and a shove...

the lady friends that were supposed to come through, obviously did not..so now the house is fighting everyone...I'm gonna have to go into work on Friday and say as I walk in, "yeah OG, we're fighting..let's do this"

but some old favorites came by, which brought a new life to the party? well not exactly, not at first....

a liquor run proved to be fruitless...and I lost my hunger in that quest...

but just as the jackets went on, so did the funk...clothes dropped to the floor while people were getting down..it was an amazing turn of events...I mixed some drinks, house favorites, and things were alright...

so thanks to everyone who stopped by, again I know this was dead week, and things came close to doing just that, but we will survive...and wait for next week....

A Little Off the Mark...
but you can still all me Tommy

So let's see....I'm kinda in the mood to blog, but have nothing really to say, so it seems like it is a waste of effort?

just got some cleaning done...yeah, we cleaned before the dance party because they are (might be) ladies coming over...so Spaulding and I want to make things presentable...plus we are the two who like to clean..if it's one thing I like about Spaulding, it's the fact he likes things clean and organized, just like me. granted we have different views of organization, I still respect it. I like our cleaning times together, because when we are finished we are both happy; happy to have completed a task, and happy because we are no longer living in filth...

so after we completed a quick clean up, we started talking, and that lead into an interesting idea...it may very well be plausible...and if so, it will bring dance parties to a whole new level. I'm all for it, I don't know about the rest of people...but put me in 120%, and it requires me to actually do a lot, so yeah, I'm totally down for it..and I know Spaulding is...Jim will have little opinion on it..I don't think it will bother him..I guess the main thing lies in pete's hands, it'll be a no-go less he is fully 100% into this, I don't want to push him into the decision, but damn..it'll fucking rock my socks...

the Kneeler has started to read my blog a bit..made me happy, a little weird to be standing next to him as he read, but I walked away...still knowing he was reading it..whatever...he likes any mentions of dance parties, so I'll make a post just for him soon enough..

I'm making a Christmas list...I'm going to put my thoughts out there, and not but those items...I know how frickin' hard it is too, but I'll stay put...then after Christmas..it's mine..I think...

so I'll be honest..I have enough clothes and whatnot, but I literally wear the same thing for a week, then wear a different outfit for a week..maybe make through 4 actual sets of clothes, and then wear them again....and there's three stages of clothes for me..there's 1) work clothes 2) sleeping/in the house clothes 3) actually having to get dressed to go outside, like an interview or having special people come over/hang out..but even then it's most likely you'll get class 2 clothes....if you are special enough to get class 3 clothes, kudos, but don't get used to it, it's not likely to happen that often...now I'm not saying I put up a front or anything, but I've gotten to the point where I find picking out clothes ridiculous..and I'm lazy...

let it be known I am wearing a blue garter belt on my arm above the elbow...

that said I have a lot of clothes, but maybe I just want to be seen as a cartoon character....funny thing happened the other day, I was getting dressed in the morning, actually getting dressed, pretty like and whatnot, and jess came downstairs, saw me and asked if I was going to work at A...I laughed and asked her what made her think that...the way I was dressed, I just looked like I fit the part...to where I replied, well that's me, that's how I dress..like a frickin prep, what of it...

yeah, I like my clothes...but sadly I wished I could just look pretty all the time...I need a haircut I'll tell you what....I'm going to take a shower and use a razor blade to cut at it, that would make me a hipster right?

it's weird having nothing going on all week really...like I get bored as soon as I get home from work, I'm just like, alright, can I go back to work now? I feel I have to be constantly doing something, otherwise I'm worthless really...well to myself. I think yesterday was seriously the longest day to me ever....and I slept for a good portion of it....let's see...was moved from the orange chair to the sofa at, what, nine would you say...stayed there til 1, changed then went out to do some random errands of mine, bank and whatnot...got food, ate...then went back to sleep...7 rolled around and I got back out of bed this time, went out to do some more errands..went shopping, got more frickin' clothes..came back home...sat around for a bit then went to the OG with the Kneeler and Pete....our dining experience was super..and we left the waitress, who barely knows me by the way..., a very nice tip...stopped by the K-Rog where I lent my discount card to a guy in front of me..it's all about spreading the love...then back here...where I've been up ever since doing random things...

some will say this post is long, I will tell them to lick me...I missed monday, I know you hate me....thank you for your comments!

Three Weeks to Christmas...
To me, you are perfect...

General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed - but I don't see that - seems to me that love is everywhere.

Igniting laughter, wreaking havoc, breaking hearts, daring commitments, forcing choices, catapulting spirits, forging inroads, creating risks - ecstatic, exciting, unexpected, unwelcome, inconvenient, inexplicable, inelegant, unqualled.

Love actually is all around.



"American girls would seriously dig me with my cute British accent."


Tell her that you love her. You've got nothing to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't.


So yeah, I just figured since Christmas is right around the corner....and I love the hell out of this movie, I had to make this a post. So there you go...enjoy this Christmas...I don't understand all the hype that I have seen lately, but damn, it is almost here...who cares?

Oh, and since Christmas is the one time of the year you tell the truth, I will gladly bestow any and all questions/answers in the most honest way....wait, I already DO do that...but if there were any topics for whatever reason I've slighted you on, go ahead, let's do this...and, as always, I loved you.

You Know What They Say...
..one is the lonliest number

You Are the Reformer

1 You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong. High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them. You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect. You have the highest integrity, and people expect you to be fair.

What number are you?

For All You Party People Tonight...
I fucking hate you....

Things that are hard to say when you're drunk: obsession, succession, luxury, suspicious, consumption

Things that are REALLY hard to say when you're drunk: condemnation, microscopic, confrontation, platonomy, spectacular

Things that are down right impossible to say when you're drunk: No, of course I don't want to have sex! I think I'll go home now, it's getting late. No, I don't want anymore beer! Please don't kiss me, I don't even know you! No I couldn't possibly sing, I'd be too embarrassed!

Enjoy your night...I know I will