It's a New Year

new beginnings..
not really..

yay...a new year, a time for new...things?

so i brought in the new year a lot better than i brought in '08...granted it was not completely how i wanted it to be, but, a step up is still a step up, and that's all we need right, baby steps? i was with friends, i wasn't at work, i drank champagne, i had balloons fall on me, i kissed a girl at midnight, all things good, just one element missing really. speaking of kissing a girl...i think..i think that this was the first ever new years i've rung in by kissing a girl, a legitimate kiss and a legitimate girl

looking back i can recall countless times of me and a girlfriend supposed to be spending the end of the year together, but for whatever reason, through whatever arrangements, it's never worked out...'01 through '04 the bitch of an ex always started a fight with me and would purposefully not be with me on that time..this would later come to bite her in the ass in '06 when she tried to come down to btown and 'redeem' herself for years prior...i blew her off, it was unannounced and we hadn't spoke in a long time..it was just weird...that's not how a romance story begins...

ughh, sorry, off topic...last year i rang in the new year with douche tools in a restaurant bearing my own name, away from all forms of family or friends or lovers...i vowed to never work on NYE again, i'd take the hit to my bank account on that one and call it a night...i need to have some sort of normal life..

my new years day really consisted of nothing...i watched football games, felt bad to be apart of the big 10, built a gingerbread house, and just enjoyed the days off...i toyed with new years resolutions and sayings...what's popular seems to be "Fine in '09" - honestly i don't know what that means, i'm content with '09 as long as it is better than the year prior....a resolution i'm gonna try is, "being nice in '09" - we will see how long that lasts...especially after i already made a girl cry because i "put her on the spot" - whatever...i just try to help people, and its usually an awkward situation...maybe i'll stop being a better person in hopes to be nice...what a twist...

"Hoooouse"

Peace, I'm Outta Here

screw you '08
and whatnot

out wit the old, in with the new, auld lang syne, and all that same ol shit people say

so the year is officially coming to a close..."something great in '08"...i remember saying that...i don't remember that actually happening..i suppose a lot happened..but then again a lot can happen in a day, a week, a month..a lifetime...it's all a point of relevance really...

sooo, let's recap the year to the best of my ability....

started bringing in the new year at work, in the hole, sans girlfriend, sans best friend, only surrounded by coworkers, holding a phone, almost in tears because it was probably the worst way to ring in the new year to date...i vowed to never having to work new years at midnight again...there was a break, then a trip to florida where i found out disney world is the happiest place on earth..when you're drunk...

my first time ever being there thanks to faulty promises made by my mother...so i went with my boyfriend...ears and bears, medieval times gave me soup, i watched a dog get beat for no reason, and i made us look like tourists as we drove with the top down in 60 degree weather...but sadly we had to return to reality which settled in as we stepped off the plane into the cleveland airport where the snow and twenty degree weather blew over my sandals...i tried to secure my stay in ohio, for the greater good..but that deal went south, err west, err, i went west...back to indy..

through convenience the west and i got back together...i made the transition to food runner at my job and found a place to officially live...i continued to work two jobs and travel back and forth to the hole...at one point i was traveling the 70 mile trip without brakes on my car...my birthday came and i worked a double, but in the end all was well...the girl i was dating went back to CP for the summer, which opened up a can of worms..

i quit my job in the hole as they needed me less...jade came over to spend a day with me and even though it started out well, by the end of it we were telling each other to fuck off and die...july fourth spent in chicago - not a really fun time, but i tried to make the most of it..later in the month came a trip to CP which panned out nicely, even made a stop over in the rowdy to visit TJ...

i finally became a server after the race in indy and TJ came out to indy...we looked like idiots trying to get scalped tickets for the Dark Knight release...bad planning as always led to us watching the movie in a regular theater and not IMAX. i began biking to work, but it lasted only a month up until my bike got stolen from work..on a shift i wasn't even supposed to be at technically.

i made a trip out to see my grandparents out in MO, too late to see my dog one last time though..school started but that doesn't concern me...september 11th proved to be a date of significance when the girl i was dating decided then we should break up...two days later she fucked someone else....this allowed for me to rekindle things out east..but the winds of change would soon blow that out too

i looked for an outlet and found it in various forms...i started hanging out with people once again which soon led to the move from the crazy cat ladies place - that and the fucking cat box was put back outside..i grew up a bit and tied myself down by signing a lease for a year on the southside of town.

through a series of mis-events and anomalies a new bond was formed with a girl on upsetting terms. a first date to hold a record for the ages and another michigan loss to oswho..not to mention a michigan season not worth mentioning..the holidays came and i hated them more than i did the years prior, naturally...the economy fell, work got slow, i began to work less, and an unqualified black man became president of the united states free world...

so 08 turned out to be a crapshoot...i'm sure i missed a bunch of other events but i don't remember anything...sooooo....whatevs....

"what's the quote of the year?"

My Holiday

What's cooler than cool?
the region!

Cold just got colder, and pitch black just got darker...

what a crazy weekend... how i survived with my sanity or killing something is beyond me...it all started on saturday..in typical jangus fashion i was trying to cram 3 days worth of activities into 6 hours - so naturally that made me a little behind schedule - although how is it a schedule when it's destined to fail and makes you push back everything all day long..i guess it's plan of sorts...

so after running around all day long, getting in a quick leg workout, buying presents, cheese, wine, whatever else i headed off on my drive, behind schedule of course....what time i lost during the day i was making up on the drive..getting closer and closer to my goal, NWI...i breached the time change, the point of no return..i thought i was gonna make it..i thought wrong...

after hitting the 230 mile marker, less than 10 miles from my exit, i run into my first problem - the one that started the avalanche for the problems to come...i feel a little loss in control in the steering, i feel a rumble, i know what is going on...i pull off to the side of the road...I-65 doesn't leave much room in the margin, but i do the best i could to get over..or so i thought...i see my tire is flat, upon further inspection..it's shredded...coooool. i get out the jack and throw on my spare - doing so makes me very nervous...my hazards keep deciding to randomly turn off, my car is black, it's already dark out, and my heels as i kneel down are inches off the white line..

i stare into the oncoming traffic as i change tires...this just made me lose all the time i had made up...ughh, back behind schedule...i hop back in the car and continue my drive...i'll deal with the tire tomorrow..not even a minute on the road, i barely got my car up to 70 before i felt a shake and a rumble again - maybe, i think to myself, i just didn't tighten my lugnuts enough, i was in a hurry...i pull over, and as i open the door i hear the hiss of my spare....again, another tire blown..i chuckle because, well, what was there to do...

i make a call to the b's and they come and pick me up...luckily like i said i was less than ten miles from the exit...the party can start now that everything weird has just gotten things going...the next day the temperatures plummet to negative four degrees...with wind chill it's negative retarded degrees..i decide to get my car towed now, as opposed to last night..another mistake...because the car has sat in the open plains with hellishly cold wind ripping through it, my car is dead, battery, engine, whatever, dead...i know this even before heading out when the cars in the driveway at the house are frozen solid and won't start either..

the car get's towed back to the house, it is dead, i call off from work..they aren't too happy..i'm not happy...i'm missing out on two of my five shifts for the week...and not only am i loosing out on that money, i've got to go out and buy shit for my car....cooool...best trip ever...

so we get z's car started and around five he heads on back to lafayette..just in time too because that's when we lost power...so, cool, it's below zero and we lost power..i love going to the region...

i took a nap, and looking back, that is probably the worst thing you can do when the power gets out...ok, here's my logic = i took my nap and i woke up a couple hours later, waking to a colder house, and awake...sooo, next time, i'll stay awake as much as i can, gathering up all the blankets, making a fort, light candles in the fort..then when the time comes...many hours later, ball up and sleep..with like twelve coats...by the time i wake, maybe power will be back on? it was probably 5 to 6 hours before the power came back on..the temperature got below 60...

i was cold and hungry....mind you, i came dressed for 40 degree weather, the temperature i left indy with...and mind you, i only packed for a trip that was supposed to last a night, hours if that...my phone is dead, my car was dead, the power was dead...amazing...

the next day i get a tire for my car, no replacement for the spare, but oh well...the temperature has gone up...it's only like 10 but, with no wind like on I-65 and negative temps i am content...so after all is said and done i try to jump my car...no go...i leave the cars hooked up for what seemed like an hour, trying jumps intravenously in between..no go....then i pull out the battery, out of the back seat, and take it down the road to get it tested...over an hour later, the battery is ruled to be no good....and the only replacement they have is the most expensive one they carry....cooooool....i guess it was time for a battery, the old one was the car's original...

i'd never taken a battery out of a car, and i've heard all the horror stories of batteries exploding, people getting shocked...so i am weary of the whole process...here's tools, go at it....somehow, with Divine intervention i made it work...i put the battery in, and it started...oh my god...i was ecstatic..i quickly said my goodbyes, probably forgot somethings, and got on the road...mind you the inside of my car had frost in it...

got gas before i got back onto the highway, used the hot food i purchased to defrost my windshield and got on the road...all i wanted to do was get back to indy...probably the first time i've ever said that phrase...but it was monday night and i wanted to watch the bears play...

sped home, grabbed 20 arby's sandwiches, and made it home in time for kickoff...somehow?

"there's no place like home"

I Want a Hippopotamus for Xmas

well, that's for you...
me..are my ears on straight?

here's a winner for ya...

sometimes i wonder why i do the things i do - sure i've gone through life being able to justify every single move i've taken..i just wished i didn't have to at times. this time i ask myself if what just happened was a very 'natural' response or was it the right thing that i actually meant to do for once.

if i understood me, if just for a moment, life would be different..but i don't have time for that sort of thing, one of the many mysteries...it's much easier understanding others than it is yourself.

i've been talking with Jade lately, well, talk is an exaggeration, we've sent a couple emails back and forth in the past month..i feel as if maybe she's known me the best, which is comparable to having a live bomb in your hand...it's good if you know how to throw it and use it to your advantage, but you never know when it's going to go off...i've had my fair share of problems with her and i think right now i am keeping a safe distance, even though we both have stressed the acute apprehension with a warm embrace..

"..i did what i did, it feels wrong, i feel bad, and i feel like i am still an asshole...was it the right thing?"

and then there are a lot of times i just have no idea what is going on...i feel this a lot, mainly all the times in arguments with girls...god, the ex would tell me all the things she thought i was doing wrongly, she'd be so upset, and i'd just sit there..i'd say my piece one time..the fight would continue and be brought up again, i wouldn't repeat myself because obviously that did a whole lot of good..so i just said, "i don't know what to say", because, in all honesty, i didn't know what else to say...she was upset for some irrational reason that i tried to tell her otherwise, it didn't work, and i wasn't about to stop hanging out with friends because she had a complex...

maybe understanding people is harder than i thought...people will bitch at me, bitch me out, try to call me out, and i just sit there..let them type away all their dirty little thoughts, and when they are finished they want a response, so i throw up the standard, "ok, cool" and i leave. i don't have time to be bothered by things i don't understand..if i did, i'd go to school and take chemistry..hell, i would have taken chemistry, but no, i didn't have time for that shit...

then people get mad because i 'ran', and you know what i tell them.. well, it's easier to leave than be left behind

the reason why i love Vanilla Sky so much, ill-fated relationships..trying to make the other people in his life happy..it doesn't work out, does it...as much as i may like saying it, i think i found my vanilla sky.

what's interesting is, sure i like being the asshole, i can't go a moment of my life without being an asshole, sometimes it just comes out too naturally - like tonight when there were several of us polishing win glasses right after we finished polishing silverware and making our sets, one of the closing servers said, "ok guys it's really great that your hitting up the glasses like that, but we've got..oh, about four racks of silverware we need to work on" - as the disgruntled faces started to form i quipped back with, 'glad you can count Dracula'..the heads that turned back to me...

but what i don't like is when i can control whether or not i am the asshole...if i can go through something whether it's faking it or whathave you, as long as i am not being an asshole to people, i am happy...that's what makes certain things in life so hard...whichever road you take, regrettably you're gonna be called the asshole..and i've always avoided that road because in this instance i can control that..i get to be the asshole enough in life, if i can go a time period where i'm not, i'll do it....but, naturally, it ends up, i'm the asshole..

oh i'm the asshole, I'M the asshole?!?..oh wait, right, i am

i never meant to do any harm, i never do..i never meant to hurt you, i never meant to make you cry, i never meant you cause you trouble, i never meant to lie so this is goodbye

"You were missed, David. It was Sofia who never fully recovered. It was she who some how knew you best... and like you, she never forgot that one night where true love seemed possible."

YOU!

and me
and everyone we know

So i figured since i talk so much shit, i should be able to back it up, enter: The Gym...i'm just a scrapper anyways, but what i lack in strength i make up for in...retarded determination...sure i'll get hit the majority of the time, sure i'll be bloody, sure i'll be knocked on the ground...but if it's one thing you all know about me..i'll keep standing back up....

so, i figure i'll add some muscle, gain some weight, get me to some sort of a healthy level and be happy...speaking of happy..working out is a blast...i'm probably the only person who can go to the gym, work out to exhaustion, and be smiling and giggling like a school girl

so i take these multi-vitamins twice a day, because i was told to, and it has made me piss super bright yellow - it's like a highlation of piss on the yellow brick road...i bet if i were to turn off the lights it would still emit light...i have to wear sunglasses to piss..do not look directly at the stream...

speaking of piss....i piss so much now it's retarded...after my workout today i swear my bladder failed, i felt like my grandpa, having to piss every thirty minutes...it is like a night of drinking, after i break the seal my body tries to rid itself of all the liquid in my body to replace it with alcohol...and not to mention waking up 5 hours after i fall asleep and have to piss...i need a bed pan...

speaking of hospitals, TJ is in the hospital this week, sleeping on a cloud, eating the walls which are made of candy, having half naked scantily clad nurses answer his ever beckon call...man...fantasy land ohio...i'm glad i left

and had to get a real job and have my heart broken..fuck ohio and it's candy cane stripper poles..i'm living it up in 50 degree one day 20 the next indiana..where the purdue butterface girls go back home to their farms, the IU girls go back to New Jersey..where NWI means 'No Where in Indiana' or 'we're really chicago..honestly...'

come to think of it....southern indiana doesn't even exist to me...i mean..bloomington isn't really southern indiana...but it's the place furthest south i've really spent a large amount of time in..i mean, i've been two evansville once or twice..i've been to aurora indiana, both were for boats coincidentally enough..well, kinda...the end result at least..

conclusion...indiana sucks...and even though i probably said it last year, i don't want to spend another cold ass winter in the midwest...i absolutely hate..i'd probably sell my soul to not live in this weather anymore..i've done my time, now let me go...

"sure jesus can walk on water, but i can swim through land"

I Hate the Cold..

jews, blacks, homosexuals
..and holidays

i feel as if i am stuck inside of mobile with those memphis blues again...

one liners...that's all it seems to be, that's all we seem to remember...parts of movies, books, life...maybe twitter has it right all along...140 characters is all you need to sum up something, anything more and i won't remember

i voiced my opinion about my shitty scheduling today at work, but it wasn't like i rehearsed it as it was sprung up to me at random while on the dining room floor..so i couldn't blow up or threaten anyone without a guest within earshot of me hearing it all...i remember part of the conversation going "well, what's your schedule look like this week - crap..a big pile of crap - *shocked* crap? - yeah, today consists of 2 of my 5 shifts this week....." hopefully something gets done..

not gonna lie, i was shitty to start my shift off at work today...walking into that place made me hate my life a little more - it's all the stress of not having a decent schedule or decent shifts on top of it..it's bad enough the economy sucks right now, i'm working minimal hours during the 'good' time of the year with the shittiest shifts...coooool...all i want for xmas this year is everything

i don't fear the man who has everything to lose, rather i fear the man who has nothing

i cant wait for this holiday season to be over...i said it last night, i'll say it again, fuck xmas...i think i am becoming more and more of a scrooge every year because every year i have less and less to be thankful for or celebrate..i remember saying "something great in ohh eight", and it's almost fucking over...xmas is next week....i work both xmas eve and xmas day..i think i did last year too...i wish i could just sit at home alone and watch movies like i did two years ago...that was a good xmas...

but i learned from last year..having to work on new year's eve...i wanted to be with my best friend, my girlfriend, i wanted to be in chicago....i made sure to get NYE and NYD off...but, i don't think anything other than having those days off will happen..i guess take what you have, or can get, settle...settle..because, ehh, what's it worth to you anyways...

i hate how my room turns into a sauna at night...i turn off the heat for the apartment and the place will turn into an icebox, except my room..i'm halfway tempted to open my window...i mean i've opened all the vents all the way in the house and closed off mine..yet, nothing but 80 degrees and me waking up in a sweat

well, funk all this...i'm retarded and picked up a shift for tomorrow when i was supposed to go to the auctions..

i am my own undoing

"Fuck Wheat Thins!"

Just Sore

gearing up..
for the wind down..

I'm trying to get back on track with this blogging thing..it seems, even though as much as i may have bitched, things went a lot better for me...i was getting better schedules, better shifts, life was just shitty...now..well, now everything is shitty, even my piss...

i'll go back to "day-logging" because as long i am ranting and telling my daily run-arounds i'm doing something...and isn't that what most blogs are anyways...isn't that what made 'the waiter' so famous...so i'll turn around to my back pages, stealing something from myself, a road traveled many a times that has proven to have worked for me...

this holiday season has really been lackluster for me and my restaurant...besides being only schedule 3 days - granted it is 5 shifts - suck ass shifts - i haven't worked a Friday or Saturday night in over a month...i've been scheduled more lunch shifts than dinner shifts every week, and now that the lunches are projected to be busier than dinner, i have but two lunch shifts...it's like they are maliciously trying to fuck me...

i've been starting to go to the gym...i'm not sure what has really motivated me, maybe it's the guys i live with going all the time, maybe it's something to do because i don't work any more, maybe i can try out for the Detroit lions next season...nahh, they've got a good team...browns would be more up my alley..

an addendum to my last blog - no physical 6 packs..you can have abs of steel that's fine, you can be in shape, cool...but defined muscles are such a turn off - in addition to the family thing, the mother's must like me...only in my history have two mother's of girls i was seeing not liked me...i no longer speak to those two girls (like mother, like daughter...no matter how much you say you aren't like her...) - i said it in my comments but in highschool we had a system take the girl's IQ and subtract her weight, the higher the positive number, the better she scored..no cat lovers..must love dogs....

i hate that my right calf keeps twitching...i hate being in pain, but i get a kick out of what i do i guess...i hate the cold..it seems as if every year i experience the cold, the less i get used to it and the more i come to hate it...this makes me believe any possible thought of moving to the city i so love would never happen...love conquers all, except temperature...

i hate that these daily vitamins turn my pee into highlighter yellow...i swear it's worse than radioactive...i bet if you turn off the lights you'd see my piss glowing in the dark.. a nice trail from the bathroom to my room - you know, because i walk around naked, and i don't shake it when i'm done..i just let it drip as i walk back into my room...

my TV is busted, came that way, so now i am having a technician come and take a look at it tomorrow...coooool...if anything goes right for me, it happened in the past...

for those of you who were kept up to date or followed the drama that was my exgirlfriend, you missed yet another great chapter into her book about two weeks ago...as much as i would like to say, that's the last you've heard from her..just like a horrible B horror movie...the evil monster never dies just once..so she had her sequel...but what scary movie ends on just two..

that's all i got for right now...tomorrow i work a double, so coool...one of my three days, two of my five shifts, seven out of the nine things in my life that are causing my stress...

"if you're gonna do what you want, why even ask other's for their advice"

Report Card

Do's and Don't Do's
what's your grade?

there's been talk and speculation about 'what type of girl is a jangus girl' - and despite some of the insulting remarks and pathetic conclusions i decided to break the silence. most of the time i'll have people point out the scarf and chuck taylor wearing while listening to some unknown band on her ipod scene girl, and as much as y'all may think it it fits..it's only so much...i love music more than the next person, and i have my own sense of style which may not fit the social norm, but two negative magnets don't attract - those people are good to talk to about things i can relate to, go to shows with, be friends essentially..but date, no. now there is no set in stone qualifications so i don't want you to hold this against me, but i digress...

* Must have worked in the service industry - preferably a serving position - mainly i don't want some rich bitch who has no sense of money or understanding for the 'people under her' - it's all about compassion really..and serving is one of the hardest/easiest things to do....i go out to eat a lot and a bitch that is, well, a bitch, is no bitch for me...

which leads me into the next point

*midwest girl - girls from the west coast (ohh, i'm generalizing here..) have a less appreciation for things - that's why they don't have winter...and girls from the eat coast...well, we all know the term JAP..again, no appreciation or understanding...

*i'm a boob man...pretty much any size..granted there are cutoffs for to small or too large, yes, there can be too much of a good thing..now i can appreciate a good ass...but i guess i really dont have the full comprehension on what a 'good ass' really is...i like cleavage and bouncing bosoms..

*i like my girls shorter than me...but i do like them short short, like 5'1" or so...maybe that's weird...but i like petite girls...small, short, little frames - any bit of fat frightens me, or sickens me..i'm sorry, it's shallow, but one of my biggest fears in life is to become large..like my mother...

*hair and eye color are irrelevant - granted, brown hair should have curls...i am partial to brown curly hair (of course it needs a bit of blonde in it) - but blonde hair should be kept straight..and platinum

but these are mere physical features..let's not get too superficial

*i need my girls to have some sort of artistic outlet - painting, photography (preferably not that....), singing, dancing, whatever....something creative

*which leads into..the girl must have some sort of intelligence...she must not be as dumb as rocks..must be funny, understand all forms of humor - sarcasm especially
*must have some sort of personality...when i introduce her to my friends, she must not sit there quiet all night...begging for my attention..she must be able to hold her own...

*she wants me in her life not because she needs me, but because she wants me

*basically i'm looking for an attractive girl, attractive by my standards not the typical 'guy whatever' standards..cute to me..who likes to laugh, has a sense of sarcasm and self worth..some dignity and class also go a long way, but are humble to their roots..be fun, but not necessarily the center of attention all the time, swallows, likes children and is good with them, has strong family ties - granted i know everyone has their problems with their family but i'd like some sort of roots, uses 1 or 3 exclamation points, not 2!!!, someone not finicky with their heart and someone that won't be with others, someone to keep it real, not needing to spend an hour getting ready before going out to the grocery store, someone who keeps her promises and pays her debts, trusting and trustworthy, makes me better myself/brings out the good in me (wherever it is..), has her own taste in things but is willing to try new things, sooo i guess open minded with her own sense of individuality, mentally stable (yeah right, if she has a vagina she's pretty much already counted out on that one..) and i'd say someone who understands me, but that is to a certain degree because nobody will fully understand me, not even myself..so as close as you can get really...and i'm probably missing a ton of other things not to mention some obvious things..soo i apologize

"It's so funny that we set qualifications for the right person to love,
While at the back of our minds we know that the person we truly love will always be an exception."