Untitled

Listen here you beautiful bitch...
I am about to fuck you up with some truth.

Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of the truth...get it...cuz truth doesn't make a noise..soooo.









"people lie because they feel they'll fuck things up if they tell the truth, truth is they'll fuck things up by telling a lie.."

The Beginning..

of some ends..
to a means..

Daddy, always said, "son.."...wait no, that's not it

"Jangus, everything is not a revolution", the one phrase that plays back like an annoying ad you see ay every commercial break. No it wasn't said by my father, rather it was an english teacher i had two years in high school; a phrase that i'll never forget and never be able to live down.

i know i've had to mention it on here before in some previous post as it always seems like a reoccurring theme in my life..the only advice i hold onto, yet, sadly can't do anything about. so i apologize in advance if now i've turned into the broken record.

they say we study history as to not repeat it, to learn from the past - funny, some of the biggest mistakes are made without any regard to past events. Being a history buff that i was back in the day i always like to make reference to WWII. In this situation i'd quote Hitler when he said, "where Napoleon failed, i will succeed" the irony is that that never happened and Hitler made the same mistakes Napoleon did, fighting a multiple front war.

is it just human ignorance that we disregard other's past failures, is it an ego boost of superhuman characteristic to think we can do what other's did not, or is it optimism at it's best - i know the latter with the positive note threw you off...

Whatever the case may be i'm going to be guilty of trying my hand at the same demise maker that is, fighting the multiple front war. combine that with the "everything IS a revolution mentality" and you'll see your forces stretched very, very thin.

they say when it rains it pours, and once again i feel as if i am fighting to keep myself dry with only a napkin. fighting every cause that arises with a piss and vinegar attitude all the while taking on new fights and arguments will quickly get you into a 'you versus the world' mentality.

that's about where i am headed right now.

but i know i have my support out there, it's just the front lines, or those in the closest proximity of your life, whether be it physically, emotionally, or destinationly, are always the ones you'll find that change sides and you end up fighting against.

over this weekend i've somehow managed to have declared war on three different fronts - and though those fronts are not at all surprising as they have all been something that have been in the making, it still comes as a shock...now when i say i have declared war it seems as if i am the one taking the initiative to attack, rather that is hardly the case here, if ever - which is why it always feels one against the world.

the problem with me is, if someone wants to fight, i'm more than likely going to fight back, and to my fullest extent. and with three fights picked in two days, it only fuels the" pack up and go" type of attitude that in the end only would cause more damage. of course each and every front on the opposing side doesn't know about the other fronts that are being fought - so when push comes to shove with me and one front, that one front gets the anger and onslaught not equivalent to just the one fight, but to all the fights combined. Again, it's like the breaking straw, the kid that snaps, the bottle that explodes; the end reaction isn't that constituting of one action, but many added up.

if "all's fair in love and war" i fight fair, but it's dirty. with revolution type of fights you're willing to do what it takes to change the tide - most people will fight just because they're bitches, i fight like there's a cause, something that actually matters on the line...this usually results in me doing "drastic measures" ultimately cutting off those other fronts high and dry. i'm an extremist, i know no mercy and will show none, i'll put everything on the line just to walk away with a "victory", even if it means losing everything in the process. my ego versus other's irrational attitudes. what happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force...they disappear and i move on...

this is just the prologue...and i'm the narrator?










"see, the thing about me is, i don't save any for the swim back.."

The Straw

that broke my back..
but didn't silence my voice...

the tale of childish games and those who play them

it may come to no surprise that i can endure a lot of shit, take a lot of heat, bottle a lot of things up - but of course when doing so, there's always a breaking point, and someone else behind the explosion..there's always somebody pushing the buttons, crossing the line too many times that causes the building up, and then the final burst...tonight was no different

the story starts off on a positive note, not the typical case of the mondays. it was one of my days off and i planned on getting things accomplished, or so i thought. one of my fellow co-workers sent me a text saying they were sick and asked me to pick up - having my hopes set on doing some of my goals even with the late wake up time i agreed contingent upon a later in time...my request was granted and i was due in at 5

that gave me plenty of time to go to the gym, the bank, get some food, shower, whatever it is i do...all this put me in an uber-good mood - so much that even though i walked to work i was still early.

i was livin' the dream, but this would all come to an end soon through the actions of another co-worker. whether they were jealous to see me happy or what i'll never know, i just know that her intentions were to bring me down, without a doubt.

i knew this co-worker had a problem with me, she wasn't thrilled to be working the same night i was working as displayed by the huge grunt/sigh she let out as i said hi to her as she walked in. from there i decided it best to just go on my own way and to some degree ignore her..basically keep things and us separate...but again, those were my wishes, evidently she had others..

my station/section was located in the front, so i spent a majority of my time up there. and in the beginning of the night any time i would make my way to the back, for whatever reason, i would naturally cross paths with her - as i would cross paths with many other employees..but this one co-worker in particular found reason to make a scene or say something every time i walked by. and any time i start to talk to someone, whether it be my SA, manager, or whomever, she had to chime in with incoherent dribble directed at me.

this was so much of a spectacle that other employees were asking me what the other co-workers deal was, why was she being, and i quote, "such a bitch" to me. i played it off best i could, i put my blinders up and tuned her out, until we finally had a confrontation.

the co-worker was still hung up on a situation that occurred almost a fortnight ago with one of her tables. this was evidenced by her remark to me asking if i was gonna call her a liar to her tables tonight or if i was gonna talk shit to her tables again tonight. Long story short there was a mis-communication, something playfully said, something taking in the wrong context, and something heard as they wanted to hear it.

All in all i've been wanting to resolve the problem from the start, but any time the conversation is brought up i'm not allowed to say my side of the story and cannot get a word in edgewise - that other co-worker is always the one to get angry and walk away..just as she did tonight, saying she was over it, that it wasn't an issue any more...but, if that were the case, then why did she bring it up i replied back, only to have her walk away in anger yet again.

Let's not forget to mention she kept throwing away my drinking cup in the back..or let's forget

then my buttons were pushed for the last time. as i mentioned i was in the front, i had a ten top, that was my evening...at one point i ran to the back to get the third diet for this gentleman at my table and noticed half of my apps were up in the window, knowing they were just about to come up and my table wanted me to take the orders when i returned i called out to the kitchen, to a group of the "tan coats" asking to run my apps if they could, would you believe that the aforementioned co-worker was amoung this group.

so i took the orders on my ten top, it took some time because there was a meeting and everyone i went to would start talking...as i made my way around the first five orders, my mind is elsewhere, i keep glancing at the private room's door..expecting to see my apps walk in any moment...i keep waiting..i keep taking orders..and still i wait.

once i finished with all the orders with still no apps on the table i quickly made my way to the back..there i find a manager and said co-worker waiting for my apps to come back out. yes i said back out, for as you see they sat in the window too long and lost their temperature..this irked me to some degree, but whatever...it wasn't until that co-worker made a malicious comment about me not being able to handle a ten top and killing my apps...

i stopped in my tracks, mid-sentence, turned around and started to leave the kitchen...i always try to just remove myself from the situation for i know how bad my temper is and i know that's what they say a bigger person should do...but just as i was about to leave the kitchen my boiling point hit and i turned back around.

i cursed some expletives, cursed the people who did not run my food, and cursed the people i pay for not running my food...i think the choice word was "fuck" this time...i left the kitchen and headed back to my table where i was to do random filling of beverages and so forth...i left the private room to see the co-worker leading out my apps with the manager en route. the manager tried to say something as we passed by, but i was on a mission, tunnel vision maybe.

i took my angry little self back through the kitchen, through IRD, and out onto the back dock to walk around and get some air...i don't know why we in the industry do this, but we do. those back alley's aren't for deliveries and smoking only..no, the garbage cans and receptacles have seen their fair share of kicks and obscenities shouted their way...

i wasn't to that point, i just wanted to remove myself from the restaurant to recompose myself for the rest of the night. i always think back to those moments i've had a CPJR that were similar to this, but standout more i think because they happened more often..though it seems this place is catching up.

it's one thing to fuck with me an entire shift, to say shit, to mess with my drink by putting lemons in it..but you cross the line when you fuck with my guests - to deliberately not run my food and cause others to disregard it in some sort of power struggle or revenge is flat out psychotic.

when people do shit like that it reminds me of my first serving job at Blue Bird..there was an expediter who had a crush on me. we had hung out but once i knew she had "just a friend" who was an ex trying to get back with her i ended things..not to mention on those few occasions we did hang out i thought she wasn't on the level..only to prove myself right in the upcoming story..

as i said she was the expo at my work..controlling my food in the window..when my first couple of tickets suddenly "got lost" i thought nothing of it, it was busy, there were actually two expos that day as i remember..but as i pieced it together it was only food coming from her side that "wouldn't show" and when i asked her to "re-make" the items i needed she at first played the "sympathetic" card and told me she was remaking them...but after i continued to wait and the items were never made and i went to her a second time i got the "sorry 'bout ya" look and shrug...needless to say she didn't work there much longer...

it's sad how people will let their personal life interfere with their work life, and vice versa..though i think i can understand a bit of that...but then again..there's some people who i just hate working with because they suck at their job, but meet them after y'all clock out and it's a different story.

the show continued for the rest of the evening's shift. the co-worker continued to talk shit to me whenever i did something "gee, surprised you actually helped out" and other things. she refused to help me run out any other food for my table throughout the evening as well, as i "never thanked her for running my apps out" as she put it.

all i can say is this whole situation amazes me...the childish way she acts towards me, the malicious way she attacks me..you'd think it was HER who had something over ME...but this is not the case, in fact it is just the opposite...she should be the one walking on eggshells...and now i remember, the one request i asked of her since the beginning...i said do not cross me, do not upset me, do not cause ill will in my life and i will keep my silence.

and i have given the co-worker a chance to apologize, to settle things, to make things right in the universe once again..but i have a feeling i'll be asking Mr. Gorbachev to tear down that wall..










"for once i've met someone who is more childish than i am..."