De Donde....

So I got a couple hours to kill, so away I go....

Yeah, I'm realizing it's the end of November, or at least rounding there, and I'm still here, and when I mean here, I mean nowhere. Yeah I'm hitting not necessarily with the Depression like normal, but I'm getting a feeling, something's dragging, needing a new, this has to end, where is it going, sort of way...

I'm sitting here with my big, grey winter coat on, you know the Abercrombie one I got for very very cheap..I'm wearing around inside, like I've done before, like it's a robe of sorts..in a way it makes me feel safe and comfortable and productive...however if you were to see me, I'd be wearing just my orange pajama paints and some shirt I slept in the night prior, this all underneath the big coat, hair all still a mess, glasses finally put on only to see the monitor from a distance, but that's me...

So where am I..probably be better to ask where am I going, because from the looks of things, I'll probably be in this same spot just further down the road. I think about things, but it's nothing I want to be doing..I mean it would probably be for the better, but I wouldn't see them latest very long..so I'm searching for something, not knowing what it is, and not wanting to take what's in front of me now....these possible routes could be stepping stones for bigger and better things, but I was never one for stepping stones..hell I was used as a huge stepping stone for someone, used til the water went down some to move onto shore...but I like to take one jump, not many little jumps, do it right the first time, or don't do it at all..don't waste your time with temporary things when you are just going to eventually get to the big thing...

So yeah, I need direction, always have, I'm not one to just seek for myself.. I may be able to strive and push and give it my all, but that's all under the right guidance. I'm not asking for help along the way, but rather just to tell me how it is supposed to go..if someone gave me the map, told me that's how it is, I'd work at nothing else but getting to that ending destination. I mean take school for example: I woke up every morning, made it to school, did my work, this and that, because that's how it was implemented into my head growing up all my life..I knew of the repercussions, it was all or nothing...at college, you don't have that same beating force behind you when you sleep through a class...

so I guess I'm just waiting for my lucky break (yes people get those) I mean you always hear about the college dropouts who are now famous and making it, look at microsoft, the matrix, etc...but those things ome from talented people..something I lack in..I have nothing to offer that is revolutionary, monumental, extraordinary, something to put my car on the map. so then what, what can I do..if anything I would have to grab someone else to have a break lie that, with out talents combined we might be equal to one person, and therefore making both of us happy...

so yeah, that was random and I'm losing my thought process (if I had any to begin with) so I'll wrap this up, I know once I walk away I'll have crap to say, maybe I'll update with some quotes, lord knows I have some of those....