Another Friday Night..

and

Can of Worms

people are stupid..
society is shit...

this is the thanks i get for blogging...

soo apparently i opened up a can of worms with a random comment in one of my last blogs, the "Excitement Through Nothingness" Blog - go figure that that would be the title of the blog to get all the attention...my comment, i suppose, was directed at how i see a decline of values in society today...summed up in a short random story...granted that really wasn't even where i was going with it, but that's how others took it and are trying to 'defend' these amoral ways.

so now here is my response, on top of my soapbox, preaching to you..take it away Reverend Jangus

basing a real, true relationship off of a drunken one night is like basing you whole relationship off of one drunken night....basically what you have created is a one-night stand that has over stayed it's welcome..and by you "getting together again, and then forging some half-hearted bullshit of a relationship" you are really just trying to con yourselves into believing in what you did was right, that that's the way 'love' really is. love works off of body shots, loud music, and poor decisions.

and you know, this blog probably would have never been made had i not been attacked online about it. i became under fire when a certain someone starting critiquing my sexual past and present, saying i would not be the one complaining about all this sex on the first encounter if i myself were getting some..wow, as if the whole world revolves around meaningless, non-procreating sex...

you know, the more i think about it, the more i am reverting back into my old self..for twenty two years i fought against the whole gain of society - while my friends were out fucking, while people i didn't know were out fucking, i stayed sober. then the walls came down, i had sex..uneventful sex..i thought sex meant love, boy was a i wrong - but that's for another blog and another time...i tried out the whole fucking scene...but now looking back, i am start to become closed minded again..

i just don't put any weight on a girl i meet and fuck in the same night, that's just absurd. obviously they lack morals, standards, values, etc. nothing real..it's a horrible way to try and start off a true relationship..any girl that is willing to give it up on the first night, i really don't want anything to do with..i don't look for whores...they can be thrown into the same category fo girls that cheat on their boyfriends.

now i will say, of all the girls i have had sex with, no numbers, but of all the girls, with the exception of one, i have known before engaging in coitus...my relationship with girls is of a complex nature, i know the girls and we have a history that only builds...i suppose this is why i look down on gary so much..he doesn't establish a history with the girl and just goes out fucking anything in his path..

but not to sound all misogynistic, but i do have a problem with this feministic, we can be sluts approach today's women are taking, instead of traditional roles like they should, like the roles that have been set up and indoctrinated forever. granted i know times have changed and the roles have as well, sadly women now have to go out and get jobs to help support their family, all because today's society has limited the incomes on people making both household members work, while nobody is there to raise the children, cook, and to clean.

but i'm not getting into that...just girls trying to get away with acting like sluts..i went on a date with a girl the other day that i have known for awhile..she has been without a man in four months or so and every now and then she'll complain that she's so horny - that's fair - but where i respect her is how accountable she holds herself. even though she's horny as all hell, no matter how drunk she will get, on the first date no kiss, not even a peck on the cheek. granted some might see this as a little too far, i respect it...obviously this girl is not a complete prude, given she has had sex, but she's not being a whore either

they say you can't marry the 'up the butt' girl, but i'd like to think you can't marry the 'fuck on first night' girl

and now i'm sure i'll get responses with, "why can guys go out and fuck whenever whoever, but girls have to be more reserved" i really don't even think that is an argument, i mean honestly, where the fuck did y'all grow up. you women think you're so high and mighty, you think you're the more intelligent of the species, you think you're all that and a bag of chips (early 90's slang ftw) but as soon as it comes down to you having the responsibility to be more responsible, all hell breaks loose.

guys are the aggressor and girls are the defender....but what happens when both are the aggressor...welcome to slutville usa

sure guys like to fuck, look at gary, granted those guys are idiots, they are abusing their evolutionary instincts. yes males are supposed to spread the seed as much as possible, but as society has reformed itself, the need to do just that has slowed down, what with the cure for diseases, improvements in shelter, having an economical system, etc...these guys just have a wire loose and are going for the gusto...but women..i just don't fucking know anymore...

those who are defending women spreading their legs for anyone are, for the most part, women doing just that....they are trying to defend their soullessness retorting that what i say or believe is pure shit..wow, as soon as something goes against the way you are living your life you get pretty defensive...as soon as the things you are doing are called out and make you realize what you are doing is not right then you try to justify it with every last breath you have...

i'm not saying girls don't fuck..i've lived in a college town, i know what goes on there...but for the most part, if you follow up with them the next day, or read "texts from last night" or anything like that you'll see that the ones with the morals are the ones regret every putting themselves into a situation like that....i have a problem with those trying to defend their whorish ways when they know it's really not right

this isn't an episode of "bangbus" women off the street just don't have random acts of sexual intercourse with people they just met...that's a man's fantasy..that's the way men work...women, do not work like that...women do not walk down the street all alone, maybe their car broke down, maybe their boyfriend is being a douche, whatever...when a strange van pulls up next to them offering the girl a ride..so she gets in then decides the best thing for her to do is suck off the guy next to her while the other gets her from behind...female mentality is not that...that's purely a man's domain...

and that's the difference...sure men are entitled to have those thoughts, women aren't..enough said...

basically it comes down to, i think it's sad to see girls fucking on the first date..i don't advocate that, i don't want any part of that, i think it's a shame to see the values of society pitfalling like they are....as much as i hate to say this, people need to go back to church or something...








"Well a woman who'll kiss on the very first date Is usually a hussy. And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out Is anything but fussy. But a woman who waits 'til the third time around, Head in the clouds, feet on the ground! She's the girl he's glad he's found--she's his Shi-Poo-Pi! "

Best Night in Indy (cont'd)

who cares about racing...
..just show me your tits..

because the best has yet to come...

so my night is over at work; i run my checkout, take one last look at the lobby, and start to head out the backdoors. the everyday procedure i go through is stopping at security for them to check my bag, yes, i carry in an over the shoulder bag to hold all my belongings...i used to just leave everything in my jacket pockets, but people kept stealing all my shit...so i finally got tired and used the bag work gave me....so every day i have to make a stop and let security look inside my bag....

over time with all the stops i have made friends with security, we'll chat it up about all sorts of random things, but today would be a special day. as i enter the security doors we start conversation about the party upstairs...that's when i notice they have three blue bands laying on their desk. i ask what the different colors meant, as i have seen blue, yellow, purple, and red on various peoples in the lobby..security tells me they've just been running out of colors as they have oversold for this event by almost three times..wow. they claim it to be a madhouse up there at the party and don't recommend me going, but i cannot let this opportunity pass. so i snatch the three wrist bands and run out the door down the street to wherever my car is parked.

i made mention to gary earlier in the night about us going, he only wanting to go if he could get in for free, and i said that security would give us the hook up...and well, i turned out to be right. on my way home i gave him a call, told him to get his sorry ass out of bed and be ready in 25 minutes because we were going to the playboy party! he couldn't believe it, but in a way he expected it.

at home it takes me no time at all to shower and pick out an outfit to rock out in. shortly thereafter we head back towards downtown, towards the chaos, towards destiny. we are lucky on a night like tonight to get a parking spot close to the hotel without having to pay. we take a leisurely stroll down to the entrance and make our appearance known. of course i'm going full fledged rocker, wearing my sunglasses at night, but gary is obvious...the hotel employees recognize him right off the bat, and i think our cover is blown....and for a moment it is...i play off as if i have no idea what's going on and just continue to walk in as they question gary if he is allowed in and such...i show my wristband and they open up the velvet ropes

we're in! well, we made it past the initial security and my heart is racing a little bit more with each step i take. after a passing with the security wand we are waved to go up stairs! This is really happening, i want to scream like a school girl at an N'sync concert..i keep repeating "i'm the coolest person alive" we make it up the stair case and start to walk through the open door way to where the party is at. walking in to the room was like walking into a night club..lights flashing all around, loud music playing, bar in the middle, girls in bunny outfits on stage, people everywhere...wow, this is intimidating.

i break my shell when i see an employee i was talking to just hours ago, obviously not recognizing me i walk up to her and say, "so you must be one of the bunnies" to which she gives me a weird look and a reply of "yeah right..no, not at all, i work here" i just smile at her as i place my hand on her waist, dropping my head down to show just a little bit of my eyes from the glasses and say, "well, you could have fooled me" as i give her a wink.

from that moment it's on. i don't make it another two feet without a group of people yelling to me, in a good way. they love my look, they love the fact i am wearing sunglasses inside..yes, i am indeed that guy, BUT i am that guy who can pull it off...which is sad because i can pull off a lot of stupid things, just look at my outfit for that night....

we start walking towards the front of the party, making our way around the bar, that's when we see an employee working the bar area right behind us. we go up and order some drinks, something to get us in the chill attitude...granted it's now 1am and this party started at 8pm...so we are a little behind. i want to get on stage..i brought my travel duck with me for this very reason..sure i can take pics of people with myself in it, but it's more fun to have the duck take my place..

gary spots another employee and starts conversation...we are still not close enough for me to see how to get up on stage, if there's a line or where it begins or just what, but i know you can get on there because there's obviously people up there with the bunnies. so just as the security guy was about to leave i say, "hey, how do we go about getting on that stage? where's the line" he asks, oh you want to get up there..follow me. so he starts walking in the opposite direction and we follow..i'm confused as we are walking away from the stage heading back towards the route of which we entered, but i trust him...then in a "Goodfellas" - esque moment we go through an employee side door and start walking in the back hallways..passing employees doing what employees do behind closed doors, and then we are brought through another door which leads to the side of the stage where an actual armed officer is standing..the security gives him the clearance on us and away we were...up on stage!

so now we are on the stage, but we are off to the side..we need to get in the middle because that's where all the action is, also where all the people are. i ask gary to use his size to bulldoze through to get closer in and i would just follow..but he doesn't ever take initiative, so i down my drink then use my small stature to worm in and out through the crowd.

before i know it i'm face to face with a playmate..i start to get a little nervous about doing the photo shoot with the duck, let alone speaking to her..but once he pops his little yellowed head out everything was golden. the first playmate, stephanie, was really nice - even throughout the rest of the evening she was one of the most chill - so stephanie, loving the duck takes him and shoves him in her cleavage...if only i were that duck...from then on i was no longer intimidated by the bunnies and kept my social high rolling

i find more bunnies to shoot with..we continue to stay on stage realizing this was where all the cool people hung out..and celebrities. we met other girls who were in love with our rockstarness...but the best part came when security, along with the armed officers, came to clear out the stage...they started kicking people off the stage as deemed necessary by the fire marshal in order to not shut down the party..so i figure, well, it was fun while it lasted - but the officer comes up to me, asking to see my wristband, to which i show him, and he gives me the clearance to stay on the stage...apparently it was the blue wristbands that were the uber-VIP's, the blue wristbands which i got from security, which allowed for me to have the best night of indy..

funny side story, while the officer was clearing off the stage one of the girls i had made friends with had on a purple wristband and he asked her to leave...so i try to play it cool and ask if it's cool if i say she's with me, would the ultimate blue band be above the law..but that's when he tells me about the fire Marshall and all that jazz, shutting down the party...so then i apologize to the officer, turn to the girl, and tell her to get the fuck off my stage...priceless.

the night continues..more dancing..then three ladies on the floor come up to the stage and finger-call gary and i to come on down...they don't look worth my time, but i follow to to see where this might take us. it ends up these girls work for a radio station, to which i had a surreal moment when one of them starting talking in my ear..i swear i was listening to the radio at that point...

gary goes to get the girls some drinks and that's when it gets shady..one of the girls asks me to get the attention of some guy on stage..i'm not playing lackey..so then a little bit after gary returns with drinks he asks me for my other blue band...why's that? oh because one of the whores wants to get on stage of course...using him for a blue band to go and find another guy..women are manipulative bitches..and they just got free drinks...this is why i don't buy a drink for a girl unless i'm drunk or i care, see former...

i separate myself from gary and bitchnumber3 and do my own thing...i get lost in the sea of people on the floor, returning to the stage every now and then...then in a random chance i run up with a bunny i had yet to meet. she was alone on the edge of the stage, sitting, and dancing. so i approach her and start to make conversation...she complains that her feet her, so i pop a squat next to her and dance with her...we talk more..she loves the duck..yadda yadda yadda

after awhile she says her boss is watching and she has to get up and dance...so i hep her onto her feet and she pulls me back into the crowd. we dance. she strips off my jacket and wears it. then, she has to go, saying something came up...riight, i know how this goes, she's spent enough time with me, now she's off to play with others, got ya..

in the meantime derek hough and i become friends - he actually said he was jealous of me for being able to pull off the popped collar on the jacket and sunglasses inside...he then wore my sunglasses as he sang and then popped his collar...i told him i appreciate the gesture, but people will see him and people will see me and think I'M copying HIM! he realizes i am right and returns the glasses and pulls down on his collar.

more dancing, more singing..i swear i have to be in a hundred photos because i was center stage the entire time...it was interesting because i had no idea who these people were i was singing and dancing with...any time i met up with gary on the floor with his girl he would tell me, "uhh, do you realize you were just dancing with *insertcelebritynamehere*?!"

in my random ways, i almost got in trouble. see, the girls have these bunny ears and bunny tails..and it's hard not to go "bloop" and hit them. well the one time i touched the ears the bunny turns and starts to bitch out gary..apparently touching the costume is an offence worth getting kicked out for...wow, drastic. so gary throws me under the bus, to which she doesn't believe him, but i apologize taking full responsibility..to which she becomes all not angry and sweet with me, telling me i'm a nice guy..loves it.

it's nearing 3 and the party is about to end, then i feel a tug on my jacket as i'm in the middle of doing whatever, singing to boston? no i don't need another drink, yes my wristband is blue..oh wait, it's...her...the bunny who said she would return..pilar. she felt bad for the time away but had to get tings straightened out..but she returned...of course it was the end of the night and the bunnies were leaving...so what do i do..ask to exchange numbers...with a playmate...

first of all, who the hell do i think i am..asking for a bunnies number....i don't remember lying to her..what the...ughhh....but the worst part of it all...it worked

so the party ends, we exit the hotel when a gentlemen asks to see my duck...to put in his Maserati...so he does and i take pics..i swear that duck is actually cooler than me!by this point i am on cloud nine...and gary, his whore, and myself all go to SnS where i get a steakfrank. home by 6am..the end.










"oh my god i love me"

Best Night in Indy

Playboy Party..
Raceweekend..

need i say anymore?!

on what could have been a really shitty day, i somehow focused in on the positive notes, or rather i ignored those negatives and made my own positives...maybe that's what life is all about after all. it's the saturday of race weekend, the day before the race, almost the last day to be chaotic - parades, alcohol, parties, and more consumption are what is on the minds of the majority of the new weekend residents of indy.

every year indy invites half a million people to come in and destroy it's town all in good fun of the sport of racing..and for those in the industry, it means long hours and getting all your bills paid in that week (unless you partake in the parties, then you're right back where you started, but you only live once..) today is in the top three busiest days of the year for our restaurant, and that being said you know tensions are high, longer shifts create a more tired, more irritable workstaff, which can create a lot of problems when people are already strung out on their last wit's end.

it was last night after i closed out my last tab and walked back to the car when i felt how tired i really was - and given that yesterday was my day off and i had only been out partying for three hours i knew it wasn't looking good for saturday.

because of all the activities downtown many streets that i normally would take were blocked off, parking a complete nightmare, but even given all that i was only five minutes late to work - good since i even got off to a late start...but the kicker would be when i found out i needed to be in thirty minutes earlier than what i thought, whoops. and it continued to go downhill from there...my first table was sat, then left to go to the parade..so my next table was at noon..a one top, who just ordered an appetizer....but then the parade was over and we got busy..well, everyone else but me..i had two two-tops and an 8 top...and then i tried to pick up as much business in the cocktail lounge to help the bartender out...and then a 17 top was getting sat in the cocktail area..but a server who just got on the floor swooped in while my back was turned and took it from me....

after the rush was over i ran my checkout and took a break..i don't know if i was supposed to, but i didn't care at that point...i bought an energy drink and sat on the circle to watch people...it felt good to sit...but i knew i had to return eventually and i did just that. i was energized and that puts me into a good mood - that and i like to be loud and obnoxious just to make myself smile..and some other people do too (i'm on a boat mother fucker!). my tables at dinner are nice, not with the tipping, but they are not assholes..plus i'm still in a good mood (even though i'm not making any money) so i just roll with it...until the last table...

so this guy makes a reservation for the busiest weekend in indy for 7 people - side note the way our tables are able to expand and open up the max you can put on a round table is 7, should you need more than that another table with an extender is needed..so a week before the reservation the guy calls back and asks for the table to be for 8, he is told that it is not possible as we are fully committed and do not have an extra table to throw onto for his party...he says ok leave it for 7...well, you can see where this is going...

it's their reservation time and i just got the prior people to leave off the needed table..so as i am heading up to the host stand to confirm the size and let them know the progress i see a man yelling at one of the hosts, demanding he be sat for 8 people..he's a regular in vegas, he'll never dine here again, yadda yadda yadda...so that's my table? after the managers get involved they somehow pull an extra table out of their asses (ok, upstairs storage) and throw it along the side of the original table, now blocking off one of my other tables making it impossible to sit.

as they are being seated, everyone from the host, to my gm, to the cocktailer who ordered them drinks are telling me what fucking pricks they are..greaaaaaat. i approach the table and use my very stern, very professional tone and demeanor with them..it's a table full of alpha males, but the prick who went off on the host is definitely the one in charge...it doesn't take me long to break down the gentlemen and establish a comfortable rapport with them..they actually seem to like me, good..

throughout the service i am receiving high regards and very casual talk from the dominant male, i think all is well...of course until the bill comes. Man prick doesn't pay but one of his slackies does...it's an eight top, i only got them to 700, horrible, and they only tipped $80, even more horrible..but it's my last table and i just want to get home - no sets to make, no sidework for me to do, i'm a happy man. (especially since i watched the ending seconds of the Lakers game with Ludacris, talking shit with him)

before i leave i take one more look into the hotel adjoining us - yeah, that playboy party is gonna be hella tight....if only there was a way to get in....










"boobies, everywhere!"

Excitement Through Nothingness

i got my swim trunks...
and my flippie floppies

after a night like last night, i needed this day off...

i wish i would have woken up in btown, like how one of the twelve plans we had last night we had ending...but no, i have to make the trip down there today for a haircut - why do i get my hair cut all the way down in btown? well to be honest i like the girl who cuts my hair, despite all the difficulties my hair has she knows the intricacies of it, she's a goof, and she reminds me of an ex, so she's cute - that and i'm a hardcore republican who doesn't like change, lol.

other than the haircut my day is jam-packed full of, nothing...all the other roommates are at work, and so i have another friday to myself. these are the mini-vacations i need..whole house to myself, i can play my music, at whatever volume i want without trying to drown out something else in the background, i can walk around naked, i can do whatever...i usually utilize this time catching up on blogs, reading, and just relaxing. since today is a scorcher in the upper 80's and it's also opening day for the pool at the clubhouse, i decide to mosey on down there for a change of pace.

granted it's now 5pm and the hottest part of the day is now over i figure i'll have the place to myself, it is a friday night after all - people will be home getting ready for tonight's wild events. as i approach the gate to the pool i see a family gathering their belongings, looks like my deductions were spot on. i smile and nod as i pass them, and claim a spot on the opposite side of the pool. i make camp on the reclining chairs, setting up my ipod on a table i drug over to me, along with my gatorade bottle, and after getting settled in i begin reading the "waiter rant" from where i last left off.

as mentioned before i like reading the waiter rant because it awakes my inner dialogue. about halfway through the book i start talking in my head and processing actions 'aloud' as if i was a character in a book..i like to think it helps with my writing and not that i am going crazy.

it's not long before two others join me, a man and a woman, a couple i am assuming, in their twenties. they stay on the opposing side from my position, throwing down their bags and laying out their blankets on the chairs. the girl sets up shop in one of the chairs while the guy goes for a quick dip in the pool. once he feels he is fully watered down he climbs out of the pool and heads back over to his lady friend who also is reading. he then lays out on the reclined chair and places a towel over his face, covering his eyes.

the juxtaposition of the two intrigue me...are they a couple, and if so, how? i see an overweight, pale, average slum joe next to a tiny framed, tan, good looking girl. my first reaction is as it always is, "it's not fair". now i'll say that to the day i die, no matter who i am or am not dating at the time, when i see pretty girls and lackluster guys i think it's not right..

i know this is random, but whenever i was living in a dorm setting, if i ever heard one of my neighbors having sex i would always picture it to be the most beautiful girl in the world with the ugliest guy in the world, and i would get angry - it didn't matter if i was getting laid by six different girls at the same time, i would still be upset in my head.

i can't help but to people watch and the position of my chair versus where the couple is located makes it obvious that i am looking...but i'm not looking at her, rather i'm simply observing her. within moments of my head turned in her direction i see her eyes pull off of her book and over to me..it's easier for her, i'm right in her line of sight, oh if only i hadn't repositioned the chair when i sat down. i do my best to cover, glancing around as if i am just lost in a thought..then i get lost in a thought..

i think to myself about how they met, assuming again they are a couple. did they meet through friends..nah..or was it one of those random hook-ups at a bar or party that just over extended it's stay...how many of those relationships really work out...if you fuck on the first date, rather if you fuck on the first night of knowing each other, what is the probability of that relationship going further...you know, i don't ever remember my parents telling me the story of how they first met to include "i was really wasted at this club, and this drunk chick with this killer rack stumbles up to the bar next to me for another drink...i mean i was pretty shitfaced by then so my judgment was a little off but her ass had it going on so i started to hit on her..and then after the next journey song we were heading back to my place to where i was giving it anyway she wanted it...then you know, happily ever after"

and don't even get me started on the bit about not being able to find good girls in bars because it's been done before (superbad) and you know it's absolutely true. Mr Tom Waits says 'you don't meet nice girls in coffee shops' but i don't know about that...unless you go to those stupid indie coffee shops, where you have those really bitchy feminist girls...then yeah i'll agree...ughh, where to go to meet a nice girl....and as for work relationships, shut the fuck up.

i'm still in a daze and looking in the direction of the girl, err couple. i gather myself and look back at my book, only a few more pages left before the end of the chapter....i finish reading those final remaining paragraphs and then i decide to close up shop. quickly i pack my item back into my bag and run home, i hate being around people when i'm trying to relax.










"Hell is other people....except for when you make them your heaven"

Important to Know, Important to Ask

What..
the fuck...

did i do last night?

Ever have one of those nights where you wake up the next morning in a suit you didn't own, with a grand cash extra in your pockets, next to two naked woman, in a state you weren't in the day prior...enter me.

you are coming to...as you open your eyes and take a look around, your senses dulled from engaging in the various activities the night prior, your initial reaction is confusion, your second emotion is fear. you are scared to be in an unfamiliar place. your brain eventually makes this click,and then your eyes bug out and you jerkidly freeze. as you start surveying your surroundings further more, you become more scared. "where the fuck am i...who the fuck are they..what the fuck am i wearing..how the fuck did this all happen...what the fuck did i do last night"are things you say, first to yourself, then more audibly as you progress. you spring up out of the bed and depending on how coked-up the girls are they don't budge.

once out of the bed you try to gather your senses - fright may have sobered you up, slightly, but you still hold your balance like a baby taking it's first steps. you continue to look around..but you're head pounds as you panickly jerk your eyes trying to catch a glimpse of familiarity. you're in a hotel room, no, a hotel suite..has to be, this 'room' is larger than you're apartment back home...home, that's where i thought i would be at this hour...what i'm i talking about, i don't even know what time it is...

this all doesn't make sense..beams of sunlight bust through the cracks in the blinds on the glass wall behind you. you don't dare glance back in that direction as the early afternoon sun is your eye's, and head's, enemy. this all doesn't make any sense..you try to rationalize everything by thinking 'it's all a dream'...maybe some twisted dream..maybe some weird nightmare...depends on what get you here..but the yellowed walls intensifying every bit of light cause you enough pain to make you realize, it ain't a dream sister.

why do most hotels use this god awful yellow color..yellow is such a bile color - Dostoevsky said it best in Crime and Punishment, so i'll just let him take care of that..the two chairs in opposite corners of the room and long sofa creating a divide in the living area are of a softer cream color. they look comfortable to sit in, but again, not to look at right now..i bet those would look good in the living room at the apartment..you find solace in the dark mahogany-esque woodwork on the trim and dressers throughout the large open space, something easy on your thin eyes. that's when you spot your phone on one of the nightstands on the other side of the california king bed.

you begin to take a quick route around the bed to grab your phone, but in your haste, limited periphery, and off equilibrium, you stumble over pile of pillows and bundled comforter as you turn the corner...you go down hard, trying your best to save yourself, only causing more noise and more injury. you quickly pick yourself back up but you see the girls rustling from the noise. when you fell you brought down the blankets that were covering the girls, that's when you see they are completely naked - well one girl has lost all blanket while the other has only lost half..but i'm pretty sure it's safe to say she's naked too. the completely uncovered girl rolls over waking up, probably cold. she starts blindly reaching for her blankets, pulling herself up into a sitting position reaching down by her feet for the lost shelter.

she looks at you from behind her curly brunette highlighted bangs that fall over her big brown bloodshot eyes standing at the edge of the bed, frozen in time like a picture. she's not frightened, but you are..she's probably still asleep, or drugged up to really care, she just wants the warmth of something surrounding her. your fear quickly vanishes as human instincts kick in..you no longer meet her in her eyes as you try to savor this moment..catching a glimpse of her young body before she hides it again from you. it may only take a few seconds but this moment is in slow motion as she pulls up on the white patterned sheets..slowly making every delicious bit of her disappear...this is not the magic trick i want to see..

the 600 count Egyptian cotton can't match the softness of her skin, in your head. you watch as she cocoons herself starting from her feet and working her way up her delicate, slender body..the little triangular patch is no longer in sight...the last thing you get to see are her perky breasts..and as she tucks those lucky covers under her arm rolling onto her left side, she also ends your viewing pleasure

you're a boob guy - if a chick is sporting some cleavage, you'll give her a second glance. i blame mother as you were breast fed as a child. no matter what size you just wanna see them..however, there is a point when there isn't enough and a point when there is way too much. the "C" cup is the average in society, granted as many times as i have heard girls tell me they are C's i've wanted to get a second opinion...since almost everyone is a C, the category for C has become to large...you got girls who are plump B's trying to pull off lies with a C, and then you have girls who are just large squeezing into C's making them look even larger..whatever the case maybe, the correct C is correct for me, i'll give you some lenience but a C will get you an A

the other girl has dark brown or black hair, it's hard to tell though it kinda matches the woodwork. she is laying on her stomach so you don't have the show like you did with the other girl..granted you get a brief glimpse of her ass, but like i said before, you're a boob kinda guy. i mean you can spot a nice ass when you see one..you don't want a flat ass..maybe something tight and cute....or a little bit bigger to smack..it just doesn't get you worked up like a pair of breasts do.

your lost in the thoughts of cleavage, but as the curtains close on the show time begins again at it's normal pace and your grabbing your knee as the pain from the fall has now arrived. "i hope i did something with that brunette chick" you think to yourself trying to create a moment out of your peep show. you finally remember what it was you were doing, gathering your belongings, your phone, on the nightstand, right...you make your way around to the other side of the bed, closer now to the darker haired girl. from this angle you can now catch a side glimpse of her face; darker in complexion, slightly more weathered, a few freckles trickle off her pointy nose and slide under her closed eyes. she appears a little older than the naked brunette, but she could just be aged from experience.

you pick up your phone which is flashing from the night stand and flip it open...wow, it's been blown up - from texts to missed calls..you also notice that you yourself made a lot of calls to those very same numbers the night prior...ughhh, what could you have said..eighteen calls in total made, that's eighteen calls to eighteen different numbers...way to go 'drunk dial champ'. afraid to look at the texts or listen to the voicemails you close the phone back up and slide it into your pocket...well the pocket of the clothes you are wearing which still aren't yours..."where's the bathroom in this place?"










"in the morning you know we won't remember a thing..."

Who Invited These Guys?!

you left..
..they just showed up

mr. sandman and his crew are about to meet my fists of fury

i'm tired of these bad dreams i have been having. for the past four nights i've had some really messed up dreams...dreams inside of dreams...i've cried in my dreams...and the same person keeps dying in my dreams....it's very unsettling. there's nothing really consistent in all the dreams, other than who dies, but the people change, the setting changes, the way the person dies changes..i just don't know

i wish that my mind could deal with things during the day and give me my time of rest as an actual time of rest....i think of sleep as a form of vacation...and bad dreams are the canceled flight or lost luggage of that trip..pretty much null and voiding everything

and because i have these bad dreams, which allow for no actual resting, causing me to toss and turn all night, waking up at all these weird hours, not allowing me to go back to sleep, and making me feel like somebody beat the shit out of me sometime in between when i closed my eyes and woke up - it effects my day life, you know, when i'm supposed to be a functioning member of society

maybe that's why my managers said my attitude has been at an all time low..maybe that's why i am easy to anger..maybe that's why - i'm coming up with excuses..none of that...what i need is a vacation of sorts..time away from everything..maybe a drive, maybe a flight to somewhere i've never been before...hell, i got this passport with no stamps in it yet...one week, maybe shorter..i wish i didn't have to work and had a stock pile of money...like the good ol days, til enron died.










"Cheer up, sleepy jean[gus]. Oh, what can it mean. To a daydream believer, And a homecoming queen[bus]"

Cedar Point

most rides..
most drama...

the number one summer job, unless you've worked there...

Can you believe it, the 2009 season has already started...well, a little bit of a later start than normal, but it's here, in full swing....and..are you going back? throughout the months of march-may i saw so many of my former friends and co-worker's facebook statuses relaying the same message, "just waiting on my call from CP" it made me start to wonder what the heck was up..these employees were not trouble makers, finished their contracts, so why would they get a no-rehire or conditional re-hire this season...

well, the answer lays somewhere between the heavens and jim rice? after i contacted several of these people about what was going on, i received some horrifying results..so i thought i'd throw my hat into the process and see if anything they were saying was real, sure enough it seems CP was doing a little 'house cleaning' so to speak - returning employees, not this year...unless you're a double blue ranger or have it in with the executives.

ahhh who was i kidding...did i really want to return to cedar point this year, after my retirement in 2007, after the blow-up in 2008..i may be awesome, i may be the "cedar point kid", but i'm no Micheal Jordan..i don't think there would be a way to pull off that successfully.

returning would just be another out, another dead-end path on the constant run called my life. maybe it would be a form of back tracking, going over grounds i onced treaded before, coming up wit the same results more than likely...it'd be like doing an experiment and getting the same results five times..so then you try for the sixth..because you're stupid...stupid and skeptical, there's a fine line, and i think a return would be crossing it..

or maybe i did want to return...part of the reason for not returning to CP in 2008 was the fact i was getting moved up to a server at the restaurant i am still at - that advancement was a big deal, and who knows what would have happened had i left for four months....granted there were plenty of other reasons i couldn't return to CP, again with the burning of the birdges thing..apparently it's not kosher to fuck the manager's niece, even though he's the one who set you two up..

i mean i do want to get out of indy, i was ready to throw my hat in almost a year ago, ok, pretty much as soon as i got here...CP would provide me with a money making opportunity, moreso than i could make her (i think)..and maybe you do in fact have to take a step back to take two forward...and at this rate, i'm about to...

so where does it all stand..well, i applied but that doesn't mean i'm going...but what if - dreams, dreams...of when we had just started things..dreaming of bigger things










"wait, didn't that place make you wanna go back to school it sucked so much - maybe that's the direction i need"

Novelty, Idea

pogs, love,
friends, pets...

the novelty that is my life

Do you remember gigapets, or hypercolor clothing, or cabbage patch kids, or anything random you absolutely had to have at the time and it was all you ever wanted in life and maybe you still have it, locked away in a storage space, covered in other boxes or dust..and looking back you are all like, 'what was i thinking?" yeah, that's me.

i don't know what it is about me or my personality, but i have found that is has the same results time and time again. i am nothing more than a piece of novelty that people have in their life for a brief period of time. from friends to girlfriends, it's always the same reasoning - because i'm not the norm. what is it that makes me so different - is it my rebellious ways, the crazy energy, the sarcasm dripping off of every comment, the intellectual humor, the utter disregard for standard social norms? please, someone tell me...

one thing that i have found, when it comes to my friends, they have been envious of the lifestyle i have lived..i remember one spring many moons ago my friends were on break from college, they came back to their respective homelands and hung out with me...after a few nights they said they were having the most fun they've had all year, and asked if this is what i, and some of the regulars in my life, did every night...but of course..it didn't seem out of place for me at the time, but looking back, i can kinda see why people were loving it and wanting more..

other friends have thanked me for the impact i have made on their lives, showing them you don't always have to take the same route every time...that they don't have to be so uptight when it comes to life and to laugh a lil...i honestly do not know what is it that i do, like i said, i'm still trying to figure half this shit out..

most of the time i find that friends will come into my circle because they so happened to have known someone already in the circle and with that initial experience want to keep up my lifestyle...only to fall short every time..people will try to roll with the jangus, but only few will be able to match it.

as for girlfriends..i think that group is the wisest....at first they desire the 'crazy rambunctious guy' but when they realize it's not a front, that it is a constant, that i can not settle down, they go in one of two directions..either they will A) walk away knowing better, or 2) do what most girls do in any situation involving a guy, try to change him..Of course we all know how that works out on any guy, but given someone who is as stubborn as me and you got a battle where i'll never back down....

but the worst thing about this is all is the effects it has on me...once you start being treated like a novelty, once you start realizing you are just a novelty, you start making everything around you a novelty as well, thus propagating the circle even more..which, when happens, is just a snowball effect with no looking back.

take for example my residence or state of living for the past 8 years.....2 years in NWI, then 2 years in Btown, then 2 seasons in CP, and i'm about to approach on the 2 year mark here in indy....things that didn't last the two year mark, Hawai'i and UofM..funny how those are two of the things that i would take up on another venture....until that other year runs out more than likely, and than i'll be onto somewhere new...the terrible two's i calls it

can i stay in a place more than 2 years, on my own - since anything pre-18 doesn't really count...i don't know...i've never tried it, i've always bailed as the two year itch started in. and in all honesty it doesn't make a lick of sense to pack and leave after two years, because by that two year mark i've made my way through the city, know the in's and out's, what's good, who to get the hookups from, etc...i'm pretty much made by the second year, but i give it all up to start a new...to be fresh meat somewhere else...why?

and because of my erratic living conditions, hopping from state to state, keeping a steady girlfriend is the last of my concerns..diamonds are forever, jangus is not. not until i settle down in a place, like really settle and be content with, am i ready to have a serious/steady relationship....granted, there have been girls to make me think it's almost possible, and i'll change my ways to follow them across the globe..but in the end, i know myself best and i grow weary of where i am and how i got there.

now this is just the beginning of me and my effects i have on people...i suppose i can start new label for this type of thing as it can almost be it's own little series...that's what my blog needs, groupings for the blogs, to depict what shit you are reading...i mean the categories do that, but you can break it down from things like quotes, or the different years, like the Bloo years, or the CP years...oh man...speaking of cp..the effects i had on people at cp, those are worth many stories...










"They have a popcorn machine, a gigantic telescope, a slot machine, and yet live in poverty - yeah with all of this impulse/novelty bullshit you'd think they'd own jangus by now"

Friends on a Sunday

nothing..
concise..

wasted time from the wasted gift

today was another one of those lazy day sunday's i spent the most of the time entertaining myself. i have to credit my childhood for my ability to now, as an older child, taking care of myself and handling situations like these. as an only child i entertained myself with toys and video games. i used to draw, watch a lot of TV and movies, spent some time reading the ten page books or flipping through my encyclopedias - note i still hold my aesop's fables as my favorite book, and carry it around with me in my bookbag, ask to see it.

probably one of the most traumatic things while growing up had to be the gift selection come Xmas or birthday time...i remember year after year receiving countless board games, or any other multiplayer thingie. what the fuck was i supposed to do with these games..i didn't have siblings to play with...my parents never wanted to play anything...i didn't live in a neighborhood with many children, let alone children my age, and the few that were around i never had over...i'm not asking for pity here, i just want to know the reasoning behind those gifts..gifts that sat on the shelf that soon were to be given away to other children...thankfully they got it right and bought me something i could play by myself, enter the NES.

throughout the years i've made many friends, lost many friends, fell in love, fell..back in love...there's always been a group of people around, but i'm feeling as if the number is getting smaller and smaller the older i get. with all of today's technologies keeping in contact should be a cake-walk...but maybe it's too easy...too easy to ask someone what's up..is it because we really don't care?

i need a break from blogging..i just finished yesterday's post and i'm already working on today's..a little drained and needing some fuel i think i'll head out and get some things..gatorade is on sale at the grocery store for a price that's almost cheap as free, better stock up. as i start to pick out the colors i like i look around down the aisle noticing almost everyone is on their cell phones...i start thinking about everybody i've ever known.

life is all about who you know, networking. that is my final answer...granted i feel as if i have learned that lesson a little too late, as i have burnt every bridge i've ever came across...whether it be contributed to my fault or theirs, the past is in the past and there is no looking back. Bob Dylan once said "never look back" and so i drive my car without a rearview mirror...it's my first step to achieving that spiritual way.

i finish filling up the box with assorted gatorade and start making my way to the checkout. i've always been an all or nothing type of person - there's got to be something better than in the middle, well, i believe that to be true...if the middle is as close as you're ever going to get, if the middle is where you'll forever be but you don't know that and you keep trying...i'd rather just walk away...it's black and white, either you're mine or you're not..

i scan the last gatorade and put it back in the box...if only i was able to do the same with all those people i refuse to speak to, or vice versa, all those wasted opportunities, all those bridges...where would i be now...but i guess that's me, all or nothing strong headed jerk...

i relate mostly to tj who said, as he grew older he was tired of the 'making new friends' shtick...this coming from the guy who made friends with everyone...but i understand where he was coming from for i am the same way...granted i'll be the first to go up and talk to a person or a group, be that social butterfly/engineer...but in the same sense, i just don't have time for people after that..it's like the idea of being in love with the idea of falling in love...after that initial spark is over, you're on to find something else..

my trip to the grocery store was quick, now i'm off to find some food made fast...just like any of my relationships or covert missions...get in, get out.










"Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb"

Still Heartbroken

even though i don't wanna be..
..because there's nothing else to be..

it may be easier to leave than be left behind, but you'll always pack those past emotions

another saturday morning, another double to be worked, another heartbreaker to be had. i wake up and shower with that same turned the tide emotion i've had before - it's a relieving feeling, i just wished it lasted more than three point five seconds. the feeling of being able to let go doesn't come easily to me, like i've said before 'i need the closure, i just hate the endings' - i'm the "last to leave and turn out the lights" kind of person..like the ending of series cheers..or my goodbye to JR in 2006..but the exact opposite of how i left JR in 2007...in my head, it's still going on.

maybe in some sick way i don't want the feeling there..as much as i push away i don't really want to let go, because that would be the end of it all...i know i know...i say all or nothing, there's always got to be something better than in the middle..and if the middle is as much as i can have, then i'd not have anything at all..you're right, in a way...but i'm just a selfish only child and i want it all

i'm dressed and on my way to work, and if my calculations are correct since i am working the saturday lunch it won't be busy, but i still won't get a break, so i leave a couple minutes early in hopes of stopping somewhere to get food. it's the weekend so the street is available as well as my alley, but for some reason or another - something must be happening downtown - my alley appears to be full. i make my slow drive down when i notice an older gentleman walking up to a van, score! this sweet spot found on early enough will allow me to make a stop at my favorite new place downtown, Dunkin Donuts.

my love for DD stems from my childhood..i remember eating only those doughnuts with my family, even my father's family...when i lived in Chicago, they were a dime a dozen, on every corner - like starbucks in Seattle or walgreens anywhere else. but when i moved to Btown i found i had moved away from the loved DD. through word on the street and research i had found that any DD's in a remote distance from Btown had up and left just a few years prior to me moving down there; and that the closest one would be two hours away in Louisville, KY.

well late one night my friend TJ and i had an intense craving for DD - now the DD's where i came from are open 24/7 - so we thought the ones in L'ville had to be opened 24/7 as well...so let's go..but the story gets a little deeper than that. i was in mid text conversation with one of our friends and i asked her if she wanted to go to DD with us, without telling her where we were actually going...she needed a break from studying and without much knowledge of what was in the area said sure...this would be the setup for one of our best jokes...

i'd say about 45 minutes into our trip she started to question where we were going, TJ drove so i did my best to distract her with other things with the notion once we were more than half-way there it would be foolish of us not to go, we were in poker terms, pot committed...we did continue our drive after telling her where exactly we were going...there's more to the story but that's another time..in the end it turned out to be one our favorite stories to tell to date

i order some egg mcmuffin thing, without the 'mc' of course, to get something in my tummy knowing it will more than likely be the only thing i'll get to eat til, midnight? i have to start my day off right, i don't need management hawking on me about my attitude, and given i'm on a double i'm six times more likely to snap.

the lunch shift was nothing more than lame, our rush was getting all of our covers for the shift in one seating. i love to watch as the other server on the floor is running all about in a frazzled state while i gracefully glide around at a slower than normal pace, just to rub it in their face, singing, dancing, texting...just because i can. by the time the rush is over it's time for pre-shift, wow..that was a fast shift after all...

i run my lunch checkout and am told to go on break, wha??! they tell me to come back at 5:30, i'm completely in shock, and exited...until i check the reservation mapping..."ugh, Mr B Hewey, yeah, i got my first table at 5...alright then, be back at 4:45"....that's more like it...fifteen minutes for my break...the longest break i've gotten in...beats me.

fifteen minutes is long enough for me to sit down, play on my phone, and take a shit..food? not so much. i drink an 'edged out' redbull as i get back in the restaurant, which i never do and it alarms some coworkers...i feel like i'm back on the cruiseship wherein i needed a new vice every week to get me through the monotony...i'm in the back dining room, but i make plans to pick up the close - there's a table specifically i want to take care of tonight and nothing is going to stop me from making a fool out of myself in front of it.

that specific table's reservation is at 10 and my manager wants to give it to the other closer, i'm not having it...after i explain to him why i want it so badly he makes a deal that the two closers, since they are both closers and their cover counts are the same, will pool it..fair enough, i'm still on it!

the reason why i want the table is not because it's a ten top, not because of the potential money they may spend, but because of who it is..and what i want to do. so who is this mystery guest? the comedian Jim Gaffigan. so if you've ever watched a comedy central show or listened to his stand up, he has two five minute long bits about bacon and hot pockets...i hope you can see where this is going and you're probably thinking, oh dear god jangus, please no...so my plan is this, when we deliver out the food his dish will be not what he ordered, but it will be on a silver-covered plate...and the contents, a frozen hot pocket garnished with bits of bacon.

Now i know he also has a five minute skit about how he hates when people ask him to do the hot pocket skit, so i'm a little weary on how this will go down...well, really all i am imagining is one of two ways..either he'll hate it and i'll get fired, or he'll love it and that'll be that...either way i'm doing, just to say i did it.

so the entrees go out, i am carrying out the 'special' platter as my pooling partner doesn't really understand. i place the covered dish on the table and all movements around stop, all eyes are on me and this dish...i take a step back and offer my apologies what i have before him is merely my homage to mr. Gaffigan, please, do not hate me...speculation arises at the table, someone throws out the word bacon...another hotpocket...i reveal the plate removing the silver topper in classic showmanship fashion and say, both. Instantaneous uproar of laughter from the table. i then go into his actual spiel from his skit, mentioning the freezing temperature, the side of pepto, and how everything will taste like rubber for a month...i then continue to apologize making note that i know how he hates when people mention the hotpocket skit and that i truly do respect him, yadda yadda...but he loves it..i think his brother actually loved it the most though.

so in one instance my life reached another epoch...i punked a comedian on his own grounds..what more is left for me, i feel so complete with my life...i guess this goes to show what growing up an only child does to you, you have the power to entertain yourself - and laugh a lot...even if it is only you laughing.

"hot pockets"

Untitled

bacon..
..tits..

and every other random thing that is passing through my mind right now...enjoy?

it's a friday and i don't work, i didn't work last friday, that was my last day off, it's nice to have days off...i did laundry today..while it was drying i sat out on the patio of the clubhouse and continued to read Waiter Rant..i think i scared away a potential hottie because i was there...we both looked up at the same time and she kinda froze in her tracks, then turned around, lame.

on top of that my plans for tonight were canceled, ugh...i just wanna go putt-putting and see a movie..things you cannot do alone...what did i used to do as a child, watch tv? i feel as if i should do something more now that i am older...ugh, older...maybe i am doomed to having a peter pan syndrome...who needs to grow up, seriously? it's not that i don't want a 9-5 job, be settled down, have kids and a house...i just don't want to give up my sense of humor and childishness...

cpydi made a blog the other day how 'i never treated her right' in regards to me making her smell any and all of my bodily odors - for the record i love the way my saliva smells on me..and if it smells good on a girl, or she likes it, we are meant to be...so far i've only found one girl it smelled perfect on...

i got distracted and starting reading old posts..i think i was trying to find something, somehow i ended up in march of 2006...my older posts make me laugh...i have forgotten all the details about the unforgettable nights, good thing i wrote them down...hopefully i'll laugh at these in three years..

three years ago, march of 2006 was when tj and i started hanging out...the whole reason how we got together was because him and his girlfriend broke up, allowing him to then go out..and replace the void that she created..enter me...only after a year or so of trying to get him to come out with any of the OOGG crew..we were like family, and to have someone not spend time with us was not normal. he's been gone for 2 weeks now and i still have yet to cry. the first real person in my life to die, other than my dog, and i got nothing...i cried more for my dog...does that make me less of a person..maybe because it was expected, since February we knew it was coming...but does that make the actual passing any less traumatic...it shouldn't

who booby-traps their door?! so phil wants to move out to back home order to save money so he can afford to buy an engagement ring and house for his soon to be fiance-person....i think it's a great sentiment (if you believe in the sanction of marriage and aren't afraid, lol) but in the same breath i almost want to say, how does that resolve the deeper issue you are trying to solve..you want to save money and become financially responsible by taking away all financial responsibilities off of you..

sure i can save up for a house too, if i were to live out of my car and be homeless..i guess i would respect that more actually, falling back onto your parents is, well, not responsible - way to be an adult...sure they should be there to help you out and all..maybe i'm more jaded...maybe because i've been on my own since 19, i've been homeless, filed bankruptcy, everyone has turned their backs on me from friends to so-called family...let me tell you, blood is not thick than water, and it runs down the drain all the same...

it's nearing 8 and i can hear the thunder rumbling...two hearts are beating together echos through my apartment...why do i always have stupid love/breakup songs playing when i'm alone, the ipod must be on the wrong playlist...

i wish that kat would have been for reals about escaping this weekend..i'd much rather be landing in cali three hours behind time now staring out into the pacific ocean granted it's the same temperature..there's something about going somewhere else that allows you to leave your baggage at the terminal, waiting for your return flight. the plan would be financially stupid, but mentally healthy..whatever, you can't take it with you..

as i am reading i am writing this blog...remember when i was supposed to go back to UofM in the fall of 2006....remember when i was supposed to go back in the fall of 2009..for that matter, remember when i was supposed to return in the fall of 2002, or 2003...it's one of those things i'll never get to do that i'll keep fighting for while ignoring the signs that are telling me i'm not supposed to do it...

wait, what's the difference between a sign and hurdle? don't people follow their gut instinct anymore..don't people have gut instincts anymore...aren't people spontaneous...i want those days back...if i could turn back time

i swear all these ramblings could each be their own dedicated posting...










"pizzas..ice cream..vanilla coke..pop rocks...this is what i buy when i'm at kroger, i am a kid?!"

Keeping it Cool

..as can be..
..even though my room's on fire...

it's kinda like your sex, or his pee...but not

i went to bed last night pissed off, and i woke up this morning in the same mood - so you know how my sleep was..very ineffective...i don't go in to work until 5:30....but even with the late arrival i can't pull a smile onto my face for the life of me, if anything as the hour to work approaches, and as i walk closer and closer into the depths of the hell i created i feel my soul start to cry..any energy to get me through the day that i had before quickly vanishes...

but then i remember what day it is and i feel a sense of relief...cas/lax/thurs..the only thing to halt my sole and senses from escaping. Granted the district manager is in town and everybody is 'on edge', i could care less....i'll do my impression of him while he's around, scaring everyone and making myself laugh...

the night is an easy one...myself and two other employees are teaming two parties in the two private rooms...i think manager scott is still trying to throw me a bone and compensate for the past week...but the funny thing is, nobody will every question me being on parties for a week straight like they will with no talent clown, amoung others...

like i said, the night went with no hitches, i eventually started to warm up, yelling "i'm on a boat" in the kitchen, or rapping as i carried food out behind other servers...i'm all finished up, but i spend time with the hostess lucy at the front..trying to spot pete wentz and get free tickets for tomorrows show.. she's following him on twitter and his updates are lame...just about as lame as amanda bynes'...

the clock nears 11 and i decide i've been there for too long and head on out...i feel like going out, but since nobody has plans or has talked it up, i'll just go home - people are lame anyways....i get back to the apartment and gary is with his emel and her friend watching forgetting sarah marshall....every time i watch that moie it just makes me want to escape and return to hawai'i...

summer is on it's way and i'm still heartbroken at the way indy has been to me, still heartbroken at the way anything has treated me in that matter..they say time heals all wounds....the only reason why that is so is because memory is selective...over time you start to filter out the bad and can only recall the god...hell, i just mentioned going back to hawai'i and i couldn't wait to jump ship when i was there, i hated btown when i lived there, but now visit it and recant tales of times when things were good...i hated cp but i just applied there?

"I just ran food to your table and I jizzed, in, my pants!"

MAYbe the Problem is ME

fuck work..
fuck you'whore..

because i want you to stop fucking me....

i'm writing this blog after getting home from work tonight, after chilling out to some rolling stones...this post could have been a lot angrier, but now it will slightly be subdued.

i used to believe in some sort of karma-esque force in the world, but believing in that shit would be like believing in a god - leaving you with the same fucking questions as any other organized religion before...why do good things happen to bad people and vice versa..why is this happening to me..etc. they say that god gives us only what we are able to handle, oh yeah, then why do people kill themselves...isn't it because they couldn't handle something in their lives; stress, a breakup, family problems, whatever - yeah, great programming there...i guess computers are a lot like people...they are programmed to do things and, i'm sure you've all had this happen before...you go to open a program, or try to do something and you get the "blue screen of death" - yeah, that's the computer not being able to handle what it should be able to and kills itself...sound familiar god?

at work i try to have a very positive demeanor about myself...i put in my 6 to 8 hours, or however how long, and i go home...i don't bring home-problems into work, and i make everyone laugh..i bust my ass..what more could be asked.....well, lately, this has not been the case....i walked in tonight and on of my associates, sean, came up to me with a big smile on his face..they talked about attitudes in pre-shift today, though i missed that because i came in at 530..so sean tells me attitudes must be getting on edge lately because even though he snaps once a week, he has never heard me raise my voice in anger or seen me in a fit of rage since he's worked there....now sean is the guy who i have had some good times with at work, even the time we had no covers from 630am til noon was still one of the best shifts worked. sean made a comment that he was gonna start wearing a shirt that said, "i'm a witness" as in he was a witness to the jangus being pissed off, lol.

i was in a decent mood tonight, i was a closer but right from the start i questioned the floor mapping. the other closer was apart of a cocktail party - not much work to be done on it, but an easy fifty bucks in the pocket...but after that she got an 8 top in a private dining room...this on a night when everyone has an 8, or 9..except me...what do i get, all the walk-ins, because other than those large parties, there's nothing left...i made the comment to my manager, the one who has watched me get fucked in the ass for the past four days, manager scott, why does no talent clown get two parties..shouldn't she get the cocktail party to start her night off with fifty bucks then take in all the walk-ins and give me, the other closer, that eight top? i got shushed..yes, i was told to stop bitching. so i walked away.

oh, did you get the part where i was closing with the no talent clown, the same person i have been having problems with for the past three days, yeah, the hits keep on coming...i do shrug that off, even if that 8 top spent more money than two times all my tables combined...but what sent me over the edge was when i had an employee come in on a date and i took care of her....i did all the little special things and such, when the discounted bill came, the male date paid, and tipped, and the co-worker ellen, never checked...when i first saw the tip i was all like, mother fuck...and kinda went on my way...but then as i rang it into the computer, it took me a minute..i wasn't able to distinguish the second number and a bartender looked over my shoulder at the paper
"man, you're doing it wrong"
"what?"
"that's shitty, what the fuck was wrong with that table?"
"that was ellen's table"
"shut the fuck up, are you serious?!"
"yeah, dead serious"
"ohhh my god"
i inputted the tip into the computer screen and ran my checkout. i grab manager scott so he could cash me out and he told me to meet him at the office...i got back there, sat and waited for a bit, then completely changed out of my uniform all the while calculating what percentage the tip was - for some reason we servers love to use the percentage system..if it ain't 20, it better be more...i figure it out and explode, who the fuck tips 12% on a discounted bill?! by the time he got back there he saw me and questioned what was going on, wasn't i the closer..i said yeah, but i don't care, i'm done, i did enough, no talent clown can finish up whenever her table leaves, we are closed. he starts getting shitty with me and i hand him my credit card receipts with ellen's on top and make the motion for him to look. as he grabs the paperwork he utters that he doesn't care and that's the last thing i can fully remember him saying, it was at that point i got the pucker face, my lips trying to crush one-another, started nodding, said "ok" throwing my arms above my head and pulling on my hair, and walked out the backdoor...through the roundabout hallway and out the receiving doors onto the dock where i planted myself

even though i recall manager scott saying, "really" and "goodbye" he chased after me outside. nothing pisses him off more than a shitty attitude, and every night we have worked together i've gotten fucked without lube, and inturn have had a shitty attitude. we talk, there's no way to resolve anything...asking someone to come in with a positive attitude day after day after being fucked by the co-workers, the management, the patrons day after day, without any drugs or alcohol is like asking gary to stop being a flirtatious retard with no direction (i stole it, it's mine now)..it just ain't happening...

after a bit we go back inside, he cashes me out and sends me home, leaving the no talent clown to finish the rest up - that's her karma kicking in...kinda....i just want to know what the fuck..ok, yes i have been making good money lately (with the exception of tonight, the streak finally ended) but i have been paying out the ass for it...the managers can't keep putting me on the parties or other people will get pissed, granted there's always been a group who always get on every party and get what they want...doing that would disturb the balance of things...

it's that time, the clock is ticking down closer and closer to that final moment and i did something stupid, it's worthy of another blog...maybe i'll tell you in, oh, three days?










"twelve percent...on a bill you already got twenty-five percent off..what the fuck?!#@!"