I'm Retarded...
..is it the right thing though?

So do I put myself through pain and hate myself now..or do I do it later, but feel all those things plus good now?

Anyways, today was lame..I worked in the morning, had a section in bianco (large parties) and I really didn't make much money, not for the work I did and the time I put in..whatever....I will note that certain people need to be called out on things...and what happened at work reminded me of an event that happened a few months ago..cryptic....

alright, so it's just funny that MB comes into work all dolled up, actually taking time and effort into looking really attractive for work..something she hasn't done in awhile..something she did after she "broke up" with me..also with the gratuitous touching of everyone around her..but not me...whatever

SO I go home, watch some episodes of Friends, fall asleep..7-10..wake up, shower, and continue to watch Friends...Mindy calls me and invited me over for food...I was starving. I go over..we dine, finish season 4 with Ross's wedding..and then we start to go to bed...

we were talking about things, she was asking about my date, and I did something...something I don't know whether or not is the best..I hate myself for it but it's the right thing? we were talking about things, me giving the standard I am still in love with you, her with the I don't have feelings for anyone right now..and then there was a pause, she started to talk and I got up and left. I explained to her as to why I was leaving, nothing against her..but if she wants me to get over her I would have to not continue to do this...the "friendship" is over...she didn't know what to say, I told her there was nothing to say, just act like you don't care and let me be...

she walked me to the door and asked if I was going to be ok...if I would be ok in the car to drive, she didn't want me freaking out..she said I had that look in my eye...

I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left.

make it home, it's 3am and then I decide to sleep with Andrea.













"It's OK, I'll just hate myself in three minutes - Why? - Are you kidding?"

I'm Not Coming Home Tonight...
Out, on a date...

Wait..didn't something like this happen back in march???

So I was at work today...whatever...but the funniest ting happened to me today..I was asked out..kinda. I didn't want to put too much thought into it, aka overanalyze it, but I knew it was something more than just hanging out....

This girl who just transferred from one of the Indy Ghetto Gardens asked me out. she did it all slyly, asking me what I was doing tonight, I thought nothing of it, people ask that all the time...my response was not working and so I asked her..she said she was going to eat with her girlfriends, but wanted to go out tonight seeings how she didn't get to go out the night prior but her friends did, and her friends aren't going out tonight..wow..

so I said something along the lines of sounds like fun...and she invited me to hang out with her...so even though I was a 12, I was still cut at 2...so before I left I gave her my business card with my cell phone number on it..it's a nice conversation piece about one of the many failures in my life...

so I went home..watched Friends..and waited. she called to let me know what the deal was and told me she would call me back when she got home from dinner....you know, if you look at it, this could very be one of the best setups ever..her friends take her out to eat, and I pick up where they left off...they do all the hardwork, and I have all the sex? HA

While waiting for the phone to ring in the predicted time area Elizabeth's car was "stolen", rather towed..so there was a much to do about that..the towing company took her car because the sticker the leasing place gave her finally expired and she never renewed it. well that was fun because when she called the towing company, they never answered, so she call the police..as the police arrive to make a report the guy from the towing place calls..he didn't know whether or not he had the car, he just knew he had a "purdy green one". he wasn't at the actual site, but would give a call when he returned..probably was out towing more cars..so when he did call back he claimed to have the "Saturin"..I was about ready to strangle him through the phone...

my call finally came in and so I headed over to Andrea's..funny because I drove, and she lives literally right around the corner...I waited for her to finish up and get ready..then we decided to walk down to Kirkwood and go to Kilroy's. we were there for a little bit just talking when Jim calls me and asks if I want to go bowling..hell yes bowling...so we walk back to the car parked at her place and go bowling...

I had the best game of my life, four strikes in a row and throwing a game of 188...ehh. while paying this really drunk older man comes up to me and asks if I could give him a ride..he hands me $10 and I agree..we take him over by the hospital..go back to park the car at my place and then walk back to Kirkwood. we had a large AMF, which we downed..then we had a kamikaze and then we started to dance..well I reluctantly pulled her out to the floor and I danced...

I was definitely feeling the alcohol from the night and she decided we needed more..she decided we needed to do a shot of Jack with a Margarita on the rocks chaser...are you kidding me...and I tried the margarita - for whatever reason it was really strong...so she took her shot, I just held mine saying, "you have me right where you want me..anymore alcohol will make me useless and annoying.." she I was rambling about my shot, and she just grabbed it from my hand and took it, and then downed the margarita..."now you're gonna be useless..." I want to point out the irony/foreshadowing...the guy whom we gave the ride to, his money was eventually used by us to get drunk...nice.

we ran into a couple of OG'ers..the funniest was Katie - she was just happy to see me out with anyone but Mindy..so we talked briefly because she said the girl I was with wanted me badly...she could tell by the way she was looking at me..I responded with, "you know who that is right? that's Andrea..from work" Katie couldn't believe it, "are you kidding me, she's frickin' hot..take care of that shit!" and so after that confrontation I knew for certain this girl was into me...so we decided to talk back to her place..

I stayed the night there,which was weird because she prefaced it with, "the only guys to ever stay in my bed, only two of them, I had been dating for awhile" yeah, put me in the awkward position..and so that was it..woke up in the morning and walked home..













"HELLO...wait wait what..I..just..I don't think you noticed but..."

I've Fainted...
from rockin' out so hard!

this is the first concert I've been to where the band has rocked out completely and played good music...

so my day was pretty much nothing, as usual..it was my day off and I took it in stride. I didn't pick up any shifts, main;t because nobody gives away day shifts, as weird as that may sound...so I slept pretty much all day..ok, well til 2, long enough.

I made breakfast and wondered if Mindy was going to return home..so I waited around for a bit and then decided to peace out, but then I realized something as I was getting ready...she accidentally took my phone with her, it was in her purse..because of the random switching the night prior, we never made the exchange back I guess? Anyways, my phone she still had..and on top of that, luckily for me, she forgot to take her phone with her...so I grabbed that figuring she wouldn't be back with her jam-packed schedule for that day...

we get in touch later that day..she couldn't take the early test for her class so she had to take it at the scheduled time of 7, and she thought she wouldn't be able to make it to the concert in light of that....but I just pushed back the time of departure for the concert til..whenever she was finished with the test. the concert started at 9 and was located at the Vogue, which is in the northern part of Indy..so it'd take a little over an hour, flying mind you, to get there...but going with the fact that concerts never start at their scheduled time because, well they're rockstars, I should be ok.

I picked up Mindy from the Chem building and we got on the road around 8ish...I think I was making pretty good time, we got to the place at 9:20..I suppose good for never having been there before..and just as we expected the concert didn't start til 9:45...oh, and there was confusion about waiting in line for cigarettes, but having to have cigarettes..whatever, Mindy was getting pissed at this chick and we just went upstairs..whatever, it was stupid.

VHS or Beta played a decent set..I got down, but I hate indy crowds..they are so pop-culture/mainstream/whatever is cool and popular we will follow bastards. they didn't get into the groove of the music...nobody was dancing. now I do partly blame a bit on the band itself, they really didn't connect with the audience..but it was hilarious to have the lead singer call everyone out on it though saying, "so there's this old folklore that if the audience doesn't dance for the faint's opening band the faint come in the middle of the night and kill them in their sleep..so all you mother fuckers better not go to sleep tonight cuz you'll all die" and then when "Night on Fire" was played the crowd started to get more into it..whatever you trendy lame ass fuckers.....

so then after a short intermission, with dancers?, it was The Faint's turn to rock the house down..oh and they did. I was really amazed by their on-stage performance; they were all into from moment one and lasted to the very last song...they were just ridiculous on stage...the synth guy dropped the mic at least four times, with it falling into the audience as well..and the bassist..I don't think he played more than 6 notes..it was just awesome. I was very happy because I believe they played my top 5 favorite songs of theirs, so I was very pleased.

We left, actually we left before the last encore song was completely through..which I'm not a big fan of, but Mindy's feet were swollen, and she was being moody, and had just been through a long, stressfilled day, so we left, got to the car and drove back home..but not before stopping at the 24Hour Hardee's!!! god it's like the only frickin' thing open 24, and Hardees? they are like only open between the hours of 3 and 7 Monday through Saturday and closed on Sundays...I'm just saying they have always had the wierdest times in the past..

so we got home, as I dropped every single thing I was trying to carry from the car into the apartment and that was the end of the night. I'd see The Faint in concert again anytime....












You know it's not only love dear.That can flip the switch up.You know it probably should be.Maybe god fucked it up.

People Are Shady...
..and it's starting to bother me....

So I've come to the conclusion that everyone is a bad person..

don't thank me for that analysis, thank all the fuckers around me who constantly screw me over time and time again..mainly that being female...



and maybe there may be an exception....but you know, even my own mother left me to drown..

so if you are female, and you want to be a part of my life somehow, as friends or whatever...there's gonna be a new screening process because I may say I hate people, but woman take the fucking cake..













"So did you plan on me not noticing and you'd replace your ignorance or just go on like it never happened?"