I Miss Imus....
..in the mornings

So I spent last night completely awake, watching TV..you'd be surprised but I was actually able to make it through til noon without ever having a time I really didn't like anything that was on..amazing

Anyways, going through the channels, I like to find a station I want to watch, then a supplement to replace it during the commercial breaks...well first I found Saved By the Bell and I was totally psyched to be watching that, but it soon went to commercial so I needed something in the filler....just a couple channels away and I found it, Imus....ohhh how I miss Imus un the mornings....it's nit just the show, I mean I do actually like the show..some old guy ranting about stupid things, yeah, it's completely retarded and I like it....

but the thing that gets me the most is what it reminds me of...yeah, you guessed it...early morning in Mr. Anderson's class. arriving at 7:10am, way before anyone else would even be getting up we would be in school....finishing our homework with the answer book to Physics and Calculus

ohhh the memories...thatwhole morning process was quite the ordeal....picking up zach, flying down that little stretch of road trying to see just how quickly and how fast we could get my car up..then blow through that stop sign in front of the police station onto the main road....all while listening to Layla by Eric and the Dominoes....the original version....

ohhh good times....and then the FCA meetings where we got the leftovers, the forbidden apple juice...and then how everybody met us in there...the things we would do, the fun that we had...god, this wasn't supposed to be a flashback to highschool...

Well there you go...I miss it, the mornings I mean, after 8 it was different.....

Ohh Glory is Thee
..twirls finger and rolls eyes....

So I just realized, I don't have to get up til Friday, how 'bout that...I can sleep and lie dead until Friday...oh wait, yeah yeah, there's a slight problem with that....the sleep part, hmmmm

ohh isn't it grand how things work out like that....a series of days off to do whatever I please, get some rest, relax....but none of those will be accomplished, least not here....

and yeah, just like the food thing.....I have so much food in this place it's ridiculous...but yet I'm not eating...and I'll be damned to let it go to waste (throw it out or have somebody else eat it...)

I wonder though...what it would be like if I were to eat something....and why is it that my body is content with little to no nourishment at all...

so here's something even funnier...as I sit here, randomly when I blink I get this, "oh god about to fall asleep, you're tired" feeling...but as soon as I open my eyes, it's gone...so in that time, a blink, things get crazy..trying to close my eyes to have the same results and nothing...

that girl I took out as friends the other night has decided it in her mind to repay me for my "generosity"..yeah the me paying for the entire evening even though I shouldn't have? yeah..but she said she'll contact me after X-mas break....that's in like 2 months....I might not even be in town let alone alive in two months....the nerve of some people...

so I need something to do...road trip would seem all too appropriate right now....and I think that might rush things along in a direction I really don't want....I don't think anybody's worth risking the well being of my car right now...unless....brilli-oh wait, I'm supposed to be here for the Wednesday night dance party...right...this is supposedly "make or break", in the words of Neil....I didn't grasp why it was so, but none-the-less any dance party is make or break in my mind now...we got the tradition pretty much set, so it is far too easy for people to stop doing things that take effort...such as going to church.....yeah, I'm saying our dance parties are a religious experience, what's it to you, you've never been so you can't judge...

alright, enough rambling for 6am, I'm gonna do something now.....

I Sleep on my Left...
..because I wanna be like you? or
..because you're not on the right

So here's a little bit of a rant....

my sickness, well don't worry, it's not contagious...it's not an actual cold, some thought a head cold, they were warmer than they thought....it's just a mental sickness....

for the past couple days, actually since I started feeling like shit, things have been messed up.....Friday was my last meal of sorts....I ate a small thanksgiving dinner at 11am. I was awake from the prior day til I passed out on the side of the road on my way back home...maybe something like 5 or 6ish? I got home and pete noticed I started looking badly...I didn't get to sleep then, I did laundry and get my room set up....I didn't sleep once in bed, I tossed and turned...when I did fall asleep I woke up maybe an hour later in a sweat...saturday's meal consisted of a slice of a pizza, and that was out of boredom....saturday definitely was my worst day..I think I may have been legally insane...I was out there though.....sunday....a bowl of cereal and some cookies......monday..I bite of pasta, a piece of a breadstick, cookies, and a strawberry shake, kids size.....

and sleep....still lacking in that department....I lay there...trying my damnedest to fall asleep.....and if I do there is either extreme with me...a deep sleep where the world could explode and I'd not wake up, or the most common; a light rustle of the leaves outside will awake me....and in this house...good god, don't get me fucking started..let's just say I don't get much sleep.....I don't want to be an ass but if this all keeps up, I'll make the house pay for my fucking insomnia...."wake me up during the day, I'll keep you up all fucking night, just like me!"

and everybody thinks I am still getting a raw deal...and so do I.....everybody thinks I pay too much to live in a tent in the basement (just that part alone, not including anything I have ever mentioned before...just living in a tent in the basement)..what I think would be reasonable would be a flat 200, including utilities and such.....for as much as I do, offer, and provide...yeah, that's not asking too much...

but whatever, everything I do goes unrewarded, scratch that, unappreciated is the correct word....nobody gives a rat's ass about anything, and just barely themselves, but not around the environment they live in...you know the only person I won't direct this at is Jim....he recently gave me a "X-mas" present, "Home Movies" DVD....little things like that; he knows what a fan I am of it, we both didn't know about it being out so it was a surprise..and that was his generosity repaid back to me...he appreciates things I do for him and around the house....cooking him dinner or doing some of his laundry.....kudos to you Jim.

so back to the sleeping thing..I can no longer sleep on my right side..the one side I could only sleep on, well that and my stomach..but yeah, it has switched to the left...my bed is still set up the same way, I still lay facing the same direction...just now I look at the wall I think I have my reasons, but whatever....

So I do these things in my head, maybe called exercises, but I go off on somebody in my head...I have these spasms and completely go AWOL on the particular person, I loose control..I rant, I cry, it's messed up....but I do this in my head so I don't have to actually do it in the real world....now granted in the real world you would only have to do it once to achieve the desired results.....when you do it in your head, you have do it like 10 or so times....and you can't replay it over and over...it has to hit you at some random time....so basically, you could be at work, and then BAM, all those thoughts and emotions hit you....you can't bottle them up so you let them out in a face to face brawl for all...you're done, you feel slightly better...and those feelings will be gone for a couple days...now of course there is a slim chance things could go bad..I mean when you are actually ranting, you feel everso the urge to call or meet up with that person at that time...and maybe you convince yourself to actually confront the person in reality later....but when that time comes all emotion is gone and you got nothing...back to square one...


I leave with a random quote...
don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like

Blogging Quotes...
how ironic?

so I was talking with Zach the other day and he mentioned something about started a blog for our project...good idea I thought...then he stated how he hasn't wrote in awhile, I replied to that saying I had been blogging like crazy, back to my old habits of at least one a day..he was surprised, he hadn't been reading in awhile...so he said he would go back and read what he missed, didn't think too much of it, but then he sends me this...

zachb42: I'm glad you've been posting.
zachb42: It's been fun to catch
up.
Blue35Tuesday: I've been doing a lot
zachb42: Not all the way done
with November, no where near, but I've read back until the 23rd.
zachb42:
It's nice to know you are still you.
zachb42: =)
Blue35Tuesday:
:-)
zachb42: Keep writing.
Blue35Tuesday: thank you
zachb42: I miss it,
but I think by reading yours I might start up again.
Blue35Tuesday: a favor
paid back then....
zachb42: Yeah.
Blue35Tuesday: I started because of you,
you are restarting because of me
zachb42: Yeah...
zachb42: Nice isn't
it?
Blue35Tuesday: yup

Now what I love about Zach is that he actually comments on my postings...couldn't make me happier when somebody drops a line....it really doesn't matter what they say, but any insight to the subject at hand is especially nice....so to Zach and everyone who comments, I love you....

I Left Too Soon....
too young, too soon...
Part 1

So my "weekend" was a bit tumultuous....the reason weekend is in parenthesis is because I am talking about Thursday on...so yeah

on Thursday I was in B-town, alone basically....Pete was here, but he was sleeping...and I might as well have been alone for I was ditched....the person who was going to take me to thanksgiving dinner completely left without me...apparently it's easy to forget about....

so I had nothing better to do than wallow in my own self pity and not remove my mass from the chair....then I got a phone call from David...that bastard was the final push I needed to get on my way....granted it was a little late, I flipped the coin and yeah, it told me to go....

so I did just that...on my way I was deciding who to call to let know I would be in town..I think the best was when I called "lissa", she answer and said something like "fuck off and die" then hung up..confused I called back stating I didn't catch that..well the correct version was "about to fuck, goodbye" somebody beat me to it, and I continued on my way....

my first stop was Brooke's house...I called her earlier to see if I could pick up a book of mine...we spoke only days prior about me wanting this book back and she was surprised that I was in town...but I'm not gonna lie, sure I wanted the book, but that was just my easy way in to see her...

so after a couple hours I felt my presence wearing thin..I was just fed, but she had two friends over so I felt like I was intruding..so to dave's to get him for evening plans.....picked him up and he was ready to roll to RtC....but where was everyone else I asked....mainly Vince. apparently Vince had a headache, so I cursed him for he was the final link for my master plan..I guess I'll have to call him next week or something....but we started driving and we spotted Salai's new truck, so we pulled over and grabbed him....

this is where things got weird...original plans for RtC were halted because they wanted to get Brooke and her friends to come with...so Salai drove to brooke's house (way out in the middle of nowhere) to harass her..I made is clear I had nothing to do with it....but we stayed there til all hours of the night...the 6 of us all hanging out...really only four, her two friends were passed out on the couch pretty much....so no RtC was had...

we left and then went to the truck stop on the way to town...I got harassed for eating too slowly (bastards, I like to enjoy my meals?) and there we had another funny encounter....while we were at Brooke's we received several phone calls from Barcus for the RtC get together...we never had a definite time to go, so we just said we would call him back....but the truckstop thing was spur of the moment, so no call was made....but low and behold right after we place our order in walk Joe and Barcus....it was amazing...

think of that scenario...all of us....on thanksgiving....meeting in the truckstop.....only in movies, or our lives...

back to dewes' to say goodnight, we parted ways and said, "I'll see you sometime soon" and then I left the town and went up north.....

I Left Too Soon....
too young, too soon...
Part 2

So I traversed up north...my first stop was Meijer...their sale started at 5, the earliest...I worked on my plan of attack while in the parking lot, I only needed to go to three other stores..and I was hoping for an early finish to what would be a long day....

so I tried to sleep in my car, that proved to be pointless...then I noticed everyone running into meijer at 4..I'm thinking it's an hour early but what the hell...so I go in, get a shopping cart and start to cruise around...I get to this one point where there is a huge line...it's wrapped around produce to almost the candy wall...that was where I was...I did become longer than that after a little bit....so I waited in the line not knowing what for..people were getting behind me, and then I asked someone...it was for the TV and DVD doorbusters....ok, well pete wanted a DVD player so might as well stay in this line...

the line started to move shortly after 5, that's right, about an hour in the line I stood...and you know...it would just so happen that I was about ten carts from the end of the line when they said they were out of DVD players...whatever....

so then I turned around to get into a checkout line...that's when I noticed the hordes of people and plastic.....I got into the first line..I wasn't going to even try to fanagle my way through to a different line....this is where I had my one shitty moment of the day....I wasn't upset or anything, in fact I laugh whenever bad things happen on this day, what do you expect, it's Black Friday...why else would you be out in the crowd less you get some sick pleasure from it like me....

anyways, as I was standing in line the people in front of me were trying to navigate the line around the corners...and as I walked up to the end of the line, this lady with a shopping cart met me there....we both just stood there, not sure who was in front of who...the ladies were wrapping it around in my direction, but there was enough gap for the lady with the cart to get in..that's when I had my moment...she claimed she was behind the ladies directing, thus in front of me...so I turned to the ladies and said, "this line is for the self check out right?" "yes" "and correct me if I'm wrong, but the self check out is an express check out line right.....only allowing for 12 items or less....and you Madame far cede the warranted amount so I'll be damned if you are getting in front of me with that cart..." she got a little huffy about it then left..yeah, I'm self righteous, what's it to you...

but I had my act of good will only moments later....so mid way through the line I noticed this girl who had but one item...and I watched her because she looked so at a loss for having only one item..I felt bad, I've been in that situation, I know how that feels....so as I am only a couple people from the actual point of checkout I turn to her and of into my act, "stacey?? is that you? oh shit, I didn't even see you there, and hell I've been looking all around for you...funny we met in the same line" and now as I am saying that I am approaching her, she has this "what, me?" look on her face..so I try to get to her as quickly as possible, I hug her and as I am doing so I whisper, "play along"...so I return to my spot in the front of the line with her...now she can't say "gee thanks" because I just let her cut in front of the people I just made friends with behind me...so I kept rambling, about school, her baby, the penske files....it was amazing...I checked out and then ran like hell out of the store....

so I made it to my other stores...thank god for Amy at Kohls, she saved me an hour's worth of time from waiting in line, just had to meet her later to pick up my one item, the blue scarf I am currently wearing...but because of her generosity I was able to do the other things on my list...sorta...the major things I got done, the things I hoped to get accomplished...but there were things I still wanted to do, I could live without, and in fact am living right now, but I still think I left too soon...

I didn't get together with a couple people who randomly found out I was in town and wanted to see me, so I was disappointed...and then I never got a good goodbye in with Brooke..

I honestly think there's something wrong with me, I can't give hugs like I used to, I'm all discordinated..I have no idea what my purpose is, what my message is....everybody probably thinks I'm being shitty to them, but in all reality I don't even know what is going on....and the one crucial hug I mess up on..yeah, just turn the ball over into her field, way to blow...

so I left town...but it was too soon, I was tired on my drove home...I think I slept in my car on the side of the road for a bit...I didn't make it to work...and I have been sick ever since....good ol weekend tell you what...

Reconsideration...
let things run their course..
..even if it's over your toes

So wait, I've taken a moment to think about things...actually I didn't start to think about things until the concept hit me, and even then I really didn't stop doing anything, just ran with the idea..but anyways....

So maybe I haven't put enough faith into people....maybe I should let things go for what they are worth...test out the waters...don't do anything based on initial thoughts or opinions....don't be judgmental...I mean who am I to let these things get to me and have some crazed opinion on.....

oh wait, that's right I'm JASON FUCKING ANGUS that's who...and yeah, if I remember, I can fucking rock at times....I may not make the best calls in my life, but when it comes to things around me; I'm dead on. so yeah, don't knock it....I'm not normally this narcissistic, but I just wanted to restate the obvious, which usually goes unsaid...so that's that, goodnight.

Does the World Not Care Anymore?
...and if so, fuck off.

So as much as I would like to say that the advice given to me didn't help...it partially did....

while taking my mind slightly off of some of the things bobbled around in my head, it threw some others at me as well...

I'm all about surrounding myself in my own failures (i.e. writing in my Michigan notebooks, using the UofM ID, wearing UofM apparel, pictures of certain people, Pity Party pens, C21 business cards, name tags of various stores I worked...), but at least give me a fore warning that they are gonna be there...ohhh NW...ohhh Chicago....

I didn't get the phone call, it was promised, but rather it rings in my mind as a lack of caring....maybe that's a selfish thing to say, but honeslty how many times do I actually go out of my way to talk to somebody....whatever...

maybe I just have higher expectations of/for people....I expect people to answer their phone if it is on them....to leave messages if they get the voicemail...to return calls when missed...to say goodbye in the morning...certain social norms aren't too much to ask...

of course I wonder now what will happen to the world when I die...it will have nothing to revolve around...right?

I'm such an ass.

Sympathy For the Devil...
I don't even know...

yeah yeah, before we get into anything here, let's just get it out there that the title of this blog has been used before by me, yes I know that, but whatever...it applies (again apparently) and I think I may be the only person to remember that and since my intellectual credibility is not at question, we can carry on...

I like how the voice in the post sounds nothing like the way it sounds right now...believe me, this s a me thing only....I know how everybody will read it, what tone they will put to it, especially that opener, but it sounds nothing like that...not saying it shouldn't but sill...

I think I'm sick....but that's the funny thing, I don't think I am at all.....right now my chest hurts; I blame that from work and working out? but my main concern is that I feel like I am currently in the final stages of being drunk...the one right before you pass out, where the room is spinning and you have no sense of balance, the lightest gust of wind will knock you over, you're not hungry but you know you should eat, just swallowing is hard enough, and sleep isn't an option because you just woke up...

not to mention all that, but I don't have the strength to talk, barely enough to move my eyes left and right....but damn enough to type away..in spurts that is.....I'm glad I landed in this chair rather than on the floor in in my bed or in front of the TV, nothing would be getting done and my mind would just be aloft somewhere....thank you computer......just as long as I don't have to raise my arm up to click the mouse we will be good....

I have a scarf on, it's pretty, two-tone blue and softly fuzzy...I wish it were on tighter.....could this be depression?

oh my, now that I think about it....it may very well be. wow...this comes as a late blow...but a strong one at that...

this is very unexpected...I was just thinking to myself the other day about how I seemed to tip toe by my seasonal patterns, maybe the life that I was living, since was out of the norm for me, caused the cycle to go out of whack as well. but whatever...

what, did somebody forget about Jason? ahh, never..that's never fucking happened...... "let's forget to let Jason out of the back of the car.......let's forget to call Jason because he's 4 hours from home and hoping to see me since he is here........let's forget to take Jason to Thanksgiving dinner.......let's forget about him in general"

apparently I have the saddest face on right now....only talking about it makes it worse....

I don't know what's going on....the cursor is blinking...at me...is it mocking me.....probably.

I need to get up, rather I think I want to get up....but to do what....anything but sit here and sulk....I'm not hungry....and movement will just upset the rest of my body......I just want to lay down and have the world swallow me up....I'll continue to type. I hope I don't have to use the bathroom anytime soon...

Bloomington's Connected with 37..
...paved with good intentions

so yeah, about frickin' time, or so I have been told...I just know they have been doing construction on 37 since this summer, but apparently it dates back several years ago....

they must have known I was down here so they wanted to get the job done as soon as possible, to give me something less to bitch about.....

and so as that is completed everybody's attention now shifts to the possible I-69 addition being routed in this direction...interesting.....they are going to add on to a highway that ends in Indianapolis...and where it will go is beyound me.....



p.s. I like how all these damn titles and posts have a hidden meaning to it all, relating to the same thing...

Billy's Engaged...
..again...

Alright, I'm really tired, but mucho info has come to knowledge for me all due to a little trip up north...more to come in later posts, but this one will do before I pass out....

So yeah, everybody's watching TV, all chillin..I think it was Ferris Buler's Day Off, anyways, we're watching, intently at that moment for whatever reason, and then salai just out of nowhere says, "oh yeah, billy's engaged..again" so that was news enough....because I mean it's billy, and it's a friend of ours having the potential to get married....but the shocker is to whom...

we all knew who Billy has been actively dating for the past three (yeah I said three..THREE) months..but it wasn't the first thing to hit me, I'll be honest..it was the re-engagement thing, but I quickly pushed that to the side and asked if it was Sarah...it was.

come to think of it, the last girl he was engaged to was named Sarah as well...hmmmmm. that's supposed to be my ideal girl name, but whatever.as long as it ends in an A.

So if we play this right...Billy will marry Tristen's Sister....Tristen should then go on to marrying Salai's sister....Salai marries Dave's sister.....Dave marries Barcus' sister....Barcus goes onto marring Vince's sister.......and Vince marries Billy's sister....and then all would be complete....and we would all be related....wait...I left myself out...what the hell......how bout I will marry Toni clapp, and we could all just pass her around from house to house! Ha, now that's comedy.

Let's hope for the sake of humanity they don't breed....

Fucksgiving...
it's for losers...

So it's thanksgiving...*looks to the left, then to the right* yup...

I'm not gonna lie, I was offered to join many a people for today's events..but we all know how much of an introvert I really am...especially at social accepted traditional gatherings...

what did I do last year...hmmm, spent it with the Baiel's I would say, making that the second year in a row? I didn't even make it to my grandmother's til days later...hey, actually, those are to groups of people I haven't heard from this year...interesting, my own family(extended included) hasn't contacted me to see what my plans were.

But if I actually want to do something, get the mood, wake up at a decent hour, have a change of heart, I'll probably hook up with Jessie and go to Indy to be with her and her family (her dad's a photographer); of course this would mean she would have to actually call me....as I take it she has probably already left for Indy last night..I called her a couple times after the time she would have gotten off work to see what the game plan was...but of course she didn't answer....so now I wait..and if the bitch doesn't call me....oh hell, I don't even want to think about how much I would want that bitch dead..to me and to the world...

just wanted to let you know how much your call meant to me...I tried getting ahold of you, but you were already gone for the weekend...and when I heard your number come up in my voicemail I was happy...and then I heard you, telling me to call you back..it was so perfect, timing and all...but I caught myself...I didn't say anything stupid like I love you....

in other news, since this week has shutdown life for so many that I know, my quest to obtain information and opinions has been put on hold...though I am 3 for 3 for getting what I thought others would say right....still need to get the other 1, but it's all good because the person who was indeifferent and who's opinion could have gone either way went in my favor..THANK YOU OHIO, and there are still many other peoples falling under the agreeing with me bandwagon..

just got a call from Canada...good times, and I was just about to say have a good thanksgiving, but I quickly realized..yeah, he can't, so I told him to have a good thursday, I think he got the joke and my stupidity...

and I've been listening to Led Zeppelin for the past 2 days.....the CD's just keep playing over and over...I fucking love it.....just Pete and I here in the house..somtimes it's just one of us...and let me tell you, I love that to death....I mean sure, it may be a little creepy when nobody's here, on all three floors just you (and the clown in the closet), but it's nice to play YOUR music as loud as you want, have no interruptions in the day, parade around naked like it's nobody's business, and not wake up to a sink full of fucking dishes and the house is shambles..wow

Snow?
Balling??

Yeah, so I went outside to take a piss off the neighbor's porch (what, I can do that...there's not a single soul on this block (including this house)) And I noticed the sleety rain has become heavier...it's snow alright, but nothing is sticking to the ground just yet.....I know snow is in the forecast for today and tomorrow, so maybe I'll have something to wake up to in the morning...well besides you.

It's Started...
let's get retarded...

Yeah, the holiday season is officially here....I just ran out for some milk and random grocery items and believe you me, it's here...

So I go outside and I immediately realize the sudden drop in temperature...I'm wearing several layers and figured I would be ok, I mean it's been relatively nice the past couple days, slightly chilly but doable....however today was a different story..much colder and then I was hit by the cold slivers of rain wanting to become sleet..I scurry to my car and head for the store...

much to my surprise there were cars on the streets, many in fact..similar thing happened this morning when I drove home. I honestly asked myself why the fuck were people still in this god-forsaken town? Question still holds for tonight...

the grocery store was packed, of course, by people purchasing the final touches to make their holiday sham with the family something special...I only needed a few things so I was in and out as quickly as possible..on the way out my ears noticed the sound of that damn bell ringing..those salvation punks were outside trying to collect money...

so I finally got home after putting up with all this, and now I am wondering, am I really ready for Black Friday?

I Am 67% Sure...
..yeah, that's more than two-thirds

Moving..on now, yeah...ummm, yeah...

so I want to call some people, like right not...but I know I would probably be shot for it, even though people always say that I can call whenever...look, it's not the truth..with me it is, with others, they don't expect a casual chat at 5 in the morning...I guess people don't know me that well, huh....anyways, after I get done postings this I hope enough time has passed and I'll be able to call someone or I'll be too tired to care and fall asleep, either way I'm screwed.....

speaking of calling people and waking them up...I got a call today from a certain H squared at ohhhhh 130pm...and it woke me up...yeah, that's right, it was the frickin' afternoon, what of it? anyways, she called me (before I could call her obviously) and wanted my opinion on something that just happened with her and her ex *rolls eyes* yeah, whatever, I listened...tried to get my point across without being too brutal, but you know these types of girls....so I did what I could, without lying to her, but maybe leading her in a different direction..it's hard to say, I don't know her situation that well..but in all it made her feel better and that's what I do..

back to segment...why do I want to talk to people, more people that is the clarifier for you...well, just for that sole purpose, to get multiple responses..because, let me tell you..they are all in my favor....yeah, that generally doesn't happen..people agreeing with me; except for the one oddball who says "yeah" and allows for my self to do random ass things....but now everything is in my favor..what to do....I'll call some people that I know won't approve of my "decision to be"..but if they say go for it, man I'm screwed...

I could just be looking for a way out, I mean that is a big possibility...any excuse will do..I've been waiting for this moment, that one instance when the ball slips just slightly, enough to cause a ruckus, and yeah, things turn-about...

is it shitty, ehhh, not really....somethings happen, and somethings just need to be done.....it was bound to happen some time, it that right?

So now I'm calling on the for the final three decisions.. Dave, Vince, and Brooke.....yeah, those will have the greatest weight to it all....

I already know what Zach will say, he's on my side (unless there is that slight chance things could go in a different direction, but highly doubtful, 95% on my side I would say), he'll understand it from one side...

and I know what Dave would say, not on my side, but that's only a 59% positiveness for it.....I mean I know his argument...but he will understand the situation in one half, the opposite of zach....but I'm marking him down for a no, even though it could definitely swing the other way.....

Vince, well I think Vince will be upset (once again I failed in his arms)..but I'm thinking he'll say go for it and agree with me..he'll understand it from both sides..the only chance he'll say no is he'll pull the next year card...but he's not one to go so shallow..so he's on my side....

and then there's Brooke...I don't even know if she'll understand it from either side, maybe slightly the side dewes won't get, but even then it's a stretch because I think even dewes will get as much as she would..so impartial? nahh, she'll just call me crazy, stupid, immature? last one is a stretch, but still I respect her opinion and need it there, just as a reminder.....because she'ssss generally right when it comes down to me and decisions...I mean, she only gives the hard up opinion every now and then, but when she does, she hits the nail on the proverbial head..it's amazing, and I always do the opposite and don't listen..too strong headed in my ways, can't ever listen to hear when it pertains to me....I think she'll be a no

and maybe I'm not putting enough faith into people...maybe I'm doing what I always do, seeing the world through my eyes (is there any other way?) and seeing everyday reactions as I f they were done by me, Jason Angus....do I..but...yeah...this is just too much for me, and I have a motive, a weapon, a means, and a victim...I'm set.

Quotes to Be Read...
I Gotta Be Honest...

So this was a conversation I had the other night (or rather morning, depending on how you want to roll it) but it was frickin' amazing...so here it goes

chuchubunny: I read your blog all the time...you should be proud of me...lol
Blue35Tuesday: really?
Blue35Tuesday: awww
Blue35Tuesday: thank you
chuchubunny: no problem, I read it to get to know you
chuchubunny: since you don't like opening up to people
Blue35Tuesday: best line ever
Blue35Tuesday: both actually
Blue35Tuesday: I love you

but it's funny because it's true....I really don't open up to people, well not that often and not to many......it's just my little insecurity problem, that's all...I feel like everybody should come to me with everything because, hey, I'm frickin' Jason Angus....I offer the best advice, best consoling, it's all good when you're with the doctor....but when the tables need to be turned, that's where we have some problems...for some reason I just can't grasp the fact that I can turn to people for help...it belittles myself, I think it is this horrible thing, I am no longer good enough for people to come to me, the teacher is now the student.....and that's sad, because a relationship should be able to go both ways, I'm just egocentric I guess....

but yeah..I just want to point out for everyone the effort this person is taking to get to know....actually reading my fucking journal....that's more than half the people who care about me do...so way to go..you definitely rock my socks!!!

See-Saw...
..all the magic evils in this house

So I've got a lot to say...a lot on my mind..and a lot of time to myself to talk things over with, it's fucking great! so I'll get the meaningless stuff out of the way so that the next posts can be rantings and raves like none other, ok that's a lie, like many prior...

So let's get this, the reason why I got so much time is, well because my job offers it to me...I walk around and buss tables at an incredible pay rate, no joke highest paying job I've ever had.....and that's before tips....so yes, the servers, well most, tip me out (those good for nothing punks..) honestly I really didn't expect to get tipped out, and I didn't see the need, not with what I'm making...but now that I got the taste of green, keep it coming...granted a server generally gives two bucks, that's all I want...some give more and I am happy..I do bust my ass for them...and those who don't give me anything..I am quickly learning my table numbers and their sections so I can ignore their tables for the longest period of time possible..look a frickin' dolla would hold me over, but nooooo, you got to be a bitch.....

hell, I rock at my job so much I have a server who normally doesn't tip out (so said by the other bussers) give me money on every shift I worked...maybe she just wants me...she did do the "nervous" bit with me, frickin' hilarious..tables were turned and I was able to deliver, only because it's happened like this before....frickin' A..but seriously, I rock at this job, and it's easy....on my first day people were like, "how long have you been working here, a couple weeks now?" and I was like no, this is my first day, I don't know what I'm doing..and the best response was, "you're kicking ass that's what you're doing"...

so yeah, I've mastered yet another job, time to move on....god why is my life so horrible like that? am I ever gonna settle? haven't I already made this a post???

Thanksgiving is this week....ahhhhh, next question...

I really fucking hate people, yeah, still on that kick.....fucking return my god damned calls you fucking cunt....god, it's only been three days since I've seen you but it feels a hell of a lot longer than that..so random.....well I'm sure I'll be seeing you shortly...oh wait, the holiday break, jesus H....never mind....

So I went on this non-date date...right? it was with this girl I know whom her and I are just friends...she likes to talk about her ex-bf all the time and get my advice, clearly still hung up on him even though he broke up with her and did some random shit like cheat on her or something, whatever....anyways, we've never really hung out...she came over here once, and we've talked on the phone a couple times...she blew me off last weekend and wanted to make it up this weekend, so here we are....I made a call, a late call at that (yeah, how does it feel..getting strung along and then BAM....the call was late..whatever, my personal thing...) and since I just missed opening curtain for Man of La Mancha, my plans were shot....her idea, go to a movie....I try to lessen things down a bit, but whatever...I go over to her place...we finally decided on a movie....we saw Saw....we teeter tottered....got naked...

anywho...so yeah, she makes me stop at an ATM so she can get money, but this little vixen had a trick up her sleeve...in the end I somehow ended up paying for the movie...fucking bitch running the stand I'll kill her for putting the two ticket prices together...so after the movie I'm a little hungry and I think maybe she'll pay for the dinner, sound right, right? well we eat and out of habit I grabbed the bill and headed up to pay, she was right with me...I hesitated getting out my wallet and everything....but no, I paid yet again....so I took her home and here's where the clutch line comes in....

"so yeah, we'll have to do this again sometime..soon...since you owe me...because this
wasn't a date....."

of course you have to hear the way I said it, but yeah, it was fucking golden...so then I asked or motioned for a hug, she reciprocated (now funny thing, this person has been a bitch in all other previous engagements..so the hug was something..) anyways, I hugged, but it lasted for awhile, and I wasn't really giving any good emotion input, about mid way into it I was like "oh yeah, I'm hunging, *squeeze*"..I wasn't trying to be an ass, but I am sure she could tell...so we finally let go and I ramble (of course) saying I'll call her again some time (BUT I'M HONEST!) and I wanted to walk-away, but only after she left....so I kinda stalled..continued rambling and she just stood there...like she wanted something more? perhaps a kiss? whatever...I stumbled my way out of there and left very confused....

in all likelihood I'll call her tomorrow...yeah, something like that...oh damn, fucking thanksgiving....you know what I have thanks to give for...fucking thanksgiving happening and ruining my damn routine called life...fucking a..

alright, that is all for now.....I'm slightly hungry but I ate all my cereal...and there's fucking evils in this house.....and it's cold, only in my room.

I've Always Got Something to Say...
Unless you make yourself a fucking douche-bag...

So, get this.......I have an opinion on everything, no, literally everything. However...there comes some times, every now and then, when my opinion shall not be released, it's for the greater good believe me...

When are these times you may ask...well, usually when circumstances are so severe that I wish not to dish my thoughts onto the minorities..other times are when my opinion is asked on such ridiculous incidents..it's funny because both go hand in hand...usually the episode is so severe and ridiculous it's yields no warrant for an opinion

actually, the no opinion factor has come into play twice in the past week alone....and I usually get angry when people ask for what I think...the one time people actually want to hear what I have to say, and it's so fucking jacked I'm not gonna say a word....some people are insistent on what you have to offer, then you just re-route them with some other tangent..and by the time you are done with that you'll be good for a couple hours without thinking of the other malicious thing that is actually drilling you....

so yeah...my 3 year plan has turned into the three moon cycle plan...I don't know all the details, and frankly I don't want them, not until they are finalized...if it dried up, then good, I will act like nothing happened...but if this is something, I will not stand for it..and I will declare myself back on the road (wow, I just...yeah.....Europe mother fucker.....maybe not so bad after all)

this gives me the ultimate excuse to excommunicate from the rest of society for awhile....hell yes November hiding place..

Rumrumrumrumrumrumrum
Egg Nog...

So yeah, I officially had my first glass of Egg Nog today, that will be the marker for bringing in the holiday season...I don't know if I do it this early...I think I get it as soon as it is available, it's the X-Mas music that doesn't get played until after thanksgiving...well at least by me..those fuckers at the OG and on the radio have already started playing it....ohhh, come Thursday it'll be alright, and Jimmie Buffet's CD will be played, as always....thank you

So yeah, random thing..I don't think I actually like egg nog, it's very think, but I think it's the suffering that I partake while drinking it, that's why I do it....and now I can have actual egg nog legally...whatever...either way it's "good"....what, am I glutton for punishment, look at what and who I've done...

The Telephone's Been Drinking,
Not Me

So yeah, how's it going? I apologize if I may have called anybody tonight (last night, whatever) I wanted to call this one person, but damned if she wouldn't have been pissed....maybe another night, though I think I could have passed off as being well...anyways, I love you.

So technically today is Friday, there's another Underwear Party tonight, of course I am invited, otherwise how else would I know, a doi....but I also got other plans for tomorrow night, funny thing, I have like three other options available for tomorrow night...if I play my cards just right I may be able to hop around and do everything....all depends on how long the date lasts, then if I want to join some people for bar hopping? whatever, so I'll do what I want, which I probably be a lot of nothing...

so I'm looking around, not much to see, nobody is really doing on my buddy list (are they supposed to) but what I'm saying is that nobody is really online...rather, those that are online are on with away messages....ohhh you tricky people trying to sleep at 3:30am...that's what the afternoon is for....

ohh, I was supposed to get some rest, at least that is what the doctor ordered (ordered? suggested? something) anywho, Friday...I need something to do tomorrow or I'll just get pissed again and want to rant to the world...

look you fucking cunt...jello shots are a delicacy....I don't know of too many people that have actually made them to taste good....many times people use cheap vodka, or they add too much...yeah I underfuckingstand what the intent behind the pieces of shit are...it's like a shot, yes..it's supposed to get you drunk yes..but don't question a connoisseur of alcohol you piece of shit....fucking telling me what to say or telling me I'm wrong, who the fuck do you think you are.....nobody tells me to do any fucking thing...I am my own person so you can fuck off....

that was part of the rant I forgot to tell you, yeah I actually did forget, it's not like I didn't want to go off on your little average college slutty ass ( ok, slutty might be going a little far...) but yeah...nothing pisses me off more than anything than people going to college then wiggin' out....yes these are difficult times, sure people experiment...but things are done in moderation and per person...not everyone is supposed to go out, get drunk all the time and fuck whomever they can wrap their legs around....that's fucking stupid....and anybody that does partake in such childish behavior can walk themselves out that door (see, that's the door of the house, and my life..so fucking leave) at least the people I want to associate with are better than that....

what's the purpose in drinking, well it levels my head and eases my mind...actually that's a Dylan quote so I am sorry....look, drinking to the point of intoxication is ok every now and then...you're supposed to drink a glass of red wine a day for health reason, totally cool with that (Go Merlot!)..but people who just get constantly drunk..yeah, they fucking deserve to die..from whatever reason, AIDs, cancer, STDs, throat slit, its all good...

but then why is just a drink ok..it doesn't do a thing for you...it's just a drink..slowly killing your liver without any side effects of being tipsy....see I think there's the clutch...get to that point of tipsiness...don't go over that amount don't black out (especially while making out.....Jess), but just have a good time, have control of yourself and things around...but that again should be done in moderation......once a month sound good?

yeah whatever, I'm a conservative little prick.....I'm an asshole yes.....and the blood flowing through my body is tingling, so goodnight...the bed is lonely with out you.

A Dame,
A Broad....

So what the fuck, no honestly, what's the deal....only time will tell, right?

well there's a problem with this time, it's relative only within the boundaries you give it....it means too many different things to too many different people, some people are patient, others not so freidnly....when it comes to relationships who's to say what's too soon?

fucking, if you're afraid of saying something or doing something because you think the timing is off, well then fuck yourself, you're limiting yourself by your own inhibitions.

I'm one to tell it like it is, everybody knows that, you want the truth you fucking come to me, I'll give you no bush to hide behind...so when it is your time to come to me with some sort of help or advice, fucking listen, I may forget things, but I am all knowing...

you want advice, here you go..probably something you doesn't want to hear from me, but here ya freakin' go....two words: be careful....just be careful, but three words, live your life..better yet four words, live your fucking life. do what you want, don't be stupid, have a good time, live it like you want it, don't be a douche, don't leave your headlamp on, don't regret the things you didn't do, but don't make stupid choices as well, don't turn around, just look in the rearveiw mirror, take your time, hurry up, be safe, be careful.

that rant was a lot better the second time, and well the first time too, but last night the first time was good, mid-morning/last night was the best though, some parts shined through...what was I doing that I didn't write that down...hmmmmm

I don't need anymore girl-friends, I just want a girlfriend...how bout that, is that too much to ask for? I honestly just added three girls to my list as a guy friend they can spill their emotions onto...yeah that's all fun and good, makes me feel semi-important because people actually want to hear what's on my mind, but damn....soo many all at once, what to do...

sure there are girls in my life, a lesbian who wants me, another who only wants me when she's drunk (or that's the only time I see her?), others that pose distance problems, most I just don't give a good fuck about, and you can see where I am going with this...

girls are stupid, that's that..I'm not lying when I say that. I may be picky as to what I want, but damn. this is getting too long, people won't want to read, my thoughts are a little skewed right now anyways, so 34p9slem

What's on Your Plate?
can i lick it?

So before you ask what has been consuming all of my time down here, I'll go ahead and answer it for you...

so here's the link, amoung all the others

*coughmagicaltrevorcough*

Library? Yeah, that's right, I look at this thing constantly..as I read blogs/journals/fotojournals/peruse the web/chat/whatever...every 20 seconds I'll look at all three, then return to my life as normal...how sad..

ohh parapsychology!

Fucking Quotes...
...and quotes fucking

so this was something I said last week or so, maybe two weeks ago, but it was/has been my mood for some time or whatever..anyways, here it goes...

"you know, I just need a blonde to fuck and brunette to love"

but the quote, funny alone, was magnified with the brilliant deduction/addition by Jessica only yesterday...

she was putting blonde streaks into her hair, at the 2am mind you, so I heard the hair dryer going off and investigated to see what was going on and well, found that....of course when she asked what I thought I was honest and gave my rant about people dying their hair - especially blonde (yeah we all know how pissy I get when people try to go blonde, find it offensive and all...yeah)....but her response was great.

"..well..wait, wouldn't I just be your perfect girl then....having the blonde and
brunette hair?"

yeah, that put me in my place....that's all for now....

R O O M
..to grow

So is it just me, or did Hotmail upgrade all accounts to have this huge amount of storage? 250 mb...yeah, that's great....but if it is some teasey tester thing I'll be pissed...cuz as of right now I'm just letting everything pile up in there, not checking it for days who cares..I got all this SPACE.....ahh, ok, so that's that...

Just a Little Info..Fo You
ahh just a little bit mo'

So yeah...to everyone that was supposed to call me for a change, yeah, thanks....I fucking hate people....

yeah, this weekend was a huge let down, I am sorry, and surprised I let myself get into that mess; hoping for people to call me, or call me back...what an absurd request..fuck off, that's my next request....

maybe people aren't calling me back because they notice a wee bit too much apathy in my voice.."I'm calling because my boyfriend broke up with me"...or.."I am failing so many classes"...really, because that last time I checked, I didn't give a fuck..oh, and I still don't, thanks for playing though.

I'm just being honest.....you call me, you're gonna get what you don't want to hear, sorry, I tells it likes it is, there is no bush for me to beat around so deal with it. I'm not gonna lie to you or let you hear what you want to hear, why, because I'm always right; so if I tell you what you want to hear, then I'll be wrong, granted you'll always come to me for advice because I'm giving you what you want to hear rather than what you should hear...honesty's a bitch.

so what else is there...people should be so grateful I give them second chances..actually it's more like a three strikes and you're out sorta thing with me...because I understand how things get...most people use their strikes at the beginning, when I'm most willing to let people get away with stupid shit (depending...)and if they use all three, well they are out for good...and I think that's how all of them work, you have to get the strikes all in a row or series to get out...I mean you get a strike, then a year later you get another, you don't have two strikes on you (unless major events call for it) you will probably only have the one...now it depends on the offences, the magnitude of them, the repeatition of them, and so for....how many strikes do you have?

nothing pisses me off more than people doing something, I tell them not to, then they do it again, that's an automatic out - on the grounds that is was done intentionally, which most of the time it is, however if it's not and you're just a dumbass, why am I around you to begin with? but I hate it when people push my buttons, what are they trying to do, honestly? if they know me well enough to get me going, why would anybody want me there to begin with....an why would they get pissed when I lash out at them? look you do something to piss me off intentionally (yeah,m automatic fuck off) then yes, I'll fucking rip your god damned head off....I don't think there's anything worse than that...."ohhh, I know he doesn't like when I do this...*commits the crime* he he he" moments later "hey, why you acting so crazy, that's irrational, don't destroy my property, yadda yadda yadda" look bitch, you do something as extreme to piss me off, on whatever level, be prepared to face my wrath..you obviously know what not to do, then you know how I will react..so don't get pissed when I kill ya...

so this wasn't really a rant, just a slightly upset post, maybe a little let down..hah, that's funny....upset, let down....upset, let down....upset, let down..say it with me....

Muse
Absolution

Tonight. Enough said...

November 12th...
I swear something happened on this day too...

so this is my post for yesterday, the 12th....but at 6 in the morn...this is frickin' ridiculous....

I'm awake, shouldn't be...I woke up at 8:30 so it's now going on 22 hours, what the shit...I worked, went to a show, did errands, talked on the phone, I am truly a madman. so I figure if anything this will get me to sleep...only to wake up in a few hours, I can't miss people's phone calls...actually there are two important ones in particular....Kendall is coming to see me tomorrow, or so she claims, I just hope this isn't some "get your hopes up to see someone" type of thing, then I'll be mad, but whatever I used hope in the same sentence more than once..that bothers me.....

so when you have finally mastered something, do you just move on....that would be stupid right? well that's what I do on a constant basis...just when I start to get my feet settled, start earning respect, got the job down pat, BOOM, I vanish into thin air...I guess that's the problem with me, if it's not challenging I don't want to keep it around for very long..but conversely, if it is too hard of a task, it will just piss me off to tears that I can't do it....strange world we live in...so do something I love that is challenging, whatever, I don't have anything like that....if I can't do it, I fucking hate it, because I'm petty like that.

so I got onto a topic tonight that I have actually been meaning to "touch base on", that topic is of course the never ending saga called, *rollseyeswithasighunderhisbreath* love....yeah, hit me up on that later....

so just as my conversation ended, there went my chances for anything to happen...that's ok, I wasn't really in the mood anyhow, not even for someone to join me tonight, introverted, yes...but earlier I wanted something fresh, god that's a problem with me....met this really cool girl at the show today, her jokes were brilliant, reminded me of myself, and the pick up line she used, good god...it was so meant to be for me, in that "I wish" style that has happened before...amazing...yeah, but I don't like her like that...out of spite for myself I invited her to the next dance party...god I really do hate myself....

but that's what happens when you are a social engineer *term copywritten by Z.Baiel* I'm gonna use that more often in conversation now that I have put some thought behind it....so what's your major..oh, I already have a degree, it's in social engineering..really, that's sounds interesting...yeah, ask me about it....ohhhh Z, if only you could have been there, I love you..ahh crap, don't make me get into that now...anyways, I'm getting tired of telling people I'm a student of life, bla bla...whatever, I won't go into my rants at first, if we sit down later and are talking, once you get a feel for the wonder that is the Jason, then I'll let you in on the little secret, or whatever..but until then my name is tom, and I am either a parapsychologist or social engineer...fuck off.

alright, I'm ending it here, I'm gonna nap for a couple then call it a day?

Does she like the taste of blood in her mouth?
..yeah, she should just become a lesbian...

So I've been doing a lot of complaining, some might say bitching, well whatever..you know I had, excuse me, have one more rant to post....but I will get to it, later....

that quote was between Pete and I last night, it was great...I'm sure you just had to be there, but damn, it's funny if you put it into context..we were talking about this girl who likes to bite the lips of the person she is kissing...biting is cool and all, I'm down for that, especially on the lips...but damn, she fucking clamps down and it hurts...or so I've been told..anyways, blood drawn maybe a little bit too much, scratch me or something....I don't know...

hold up....

wow, I just read something..something that was directed at me I believe, everybody talks in code in these online journals, but it's reassuring to see yourself through the eyes of someone else, and know how much of a difference you can make to somebody. I say reassuring only in the sense that it helps you in the long run, helping you help yourself...sometimes people are ignorant to the things around them, to themselves..and then stumbling across that, allows you to come out of your shell..

I'm sorry if I have been pissed lately, there's a lot of things going on and not going on..my apathy to my own situation doesn't help either, I didn't intend things to be like this, but nobody ever does. there's a tension in the air in the house right now, only sweeping here and there as certain members of the household walk in..luckily it hasn't hit the entire house, yet. I hope to settle somethings tonight, now that I have been enlightened...

I'm sorry but one thing I won't do is have a serious conversation with a drunk or someone who has been drinking...hell, I generally don't have conversations with them, maybe say a few words in my "I don't give a fuck" tone, some people know that all too well...but if you want to have a heart to heart we can, just once you sober up..there's just something lost when I'm trying to explain my points to an inebriated ear. So we can working this out, I love you.

so what did you do today..oh you know, went around to different places getting free condoms..we made it an adventure, and let me tell you, it was crazy....you know planned parenthood no longer gives them out for free, you have to pay twenty-five cents for one....crazy; something with the lack of funding, and people like us gathering as much as possible, whatever. why can't we live in the UK. but we did hit the jackpot, one building - two different floors..so we want to go as much as possible, make it a first name basis...

in other news...nothing? somebody came to the door asking for signatures to make Indiana enforce stricter laws on the steel plants and shit like that..Jim signed, but I asked where the revenue would come from and basically shot down this guy, I wouldn't sign...I updated my Xanga, yup...I have no saved messages, that makes me a little sad...I thought there was some things saved..like the breasts comment, or the phone call from you...hmmm, at least I still have the extended absence greeting going for me. which reminds me, I should probably start calling some people, so I think I'll do that.....

still wearing my jacket.

Another Rant About People....
House Style Bitches!

So this one is directed at the members of the house I am currently residing in....I would say it started with this morning, but that's not true, it's been going on for quite some time now..but this morning was in fact a large brick in the wall...it's been close to an hour so I've calmed down by now, so let's see what happens...

I was laying in my bed, in between that sleeping phase and just about to wake up phase, you know what I'm talking about...and I don't know if it was one of those sleepy moment of clarities where you are fully aware of everything around you; or if people were just being really loud in the kitchen, I'll go with the former..but I was able to hear every word that was said in a conversation that sparked my ears..there was a slight bitch fest about me myself, and it wouldn't have been a bitch fest had not they gotten their facts straight....so I was a little agitated about that, but when I heard the "1/5" clause pulled out I lost it...mother fuckers!

I was so pissed as I laid there, I tried to sleep it off but it got to me, and I had to piss really badly, so I decided "let's do this..let's fucking rumble.." These mother fuckers should be grateful they are living with me...I've never asked to be thanked for anything in this house, I just want people to do their fair fucking share...that would be thanks enough..but you know what, I'll ask of it now...every fucking morning I walk up I want a sincere "thank you" coming from every member of the house...Ha, ok, that won't happen nor do I really want that, just had to have my moment of grandeur there....but no, what I want is for these mother fuckers to follow suite and lend a god damn fucking hand....look, you're not living with your parents anymore, I'm not gonna let you slide, clean up after you stupid fucking selves...

and another thing they should be so grateful for....I am paying for a full 1/5 of the rent and utilities....I won't bitch about the utilities, we all share those equally...even if people do tend to keep the lights on in rooms they are no longer occupying; that's not what I'm bitching about...it's the fucking rent.......why the fuck should I pay for a full amount when I don't have the same rights as these fuckers who live here with me? I can't claim this as my residence, I'm not on the lease, I can't have my mail sent here - so I have to travel 3 hours one way to pick up my shit, and then the 3 hours back, I don't have a room room like everyone else, not that big of a deal, I've managed, but it's the noise factor that comes into play there...upstairs you hear nothing anyone does in the house...downstairs YES! but whatever....I can't get a parking permit so the parking situation is completely jacked up, imagine trying to move three cars every fucking day just to get to work..hope you aren't pushing for time....the not being able to claim this as a residence has fucked me in other situations as well, things are still pending, but I mean god damn...

I'm the fucking squatter, get off my ass...I do more than my share of helping out here.. I am constantly cleaning - whether it be the fucking dishes day after day, picking up after people left their shit all over, sweeping, rearranging/putting back together the house, just making it look presentable..which is never achieved because it looks like a dirty dirty little hole...

and then there's the fact that a large portion of this shit is mine...yeah, like a good 70%...I don't mind people using my shit, but just use it as I would use it....everyting has a fucking rule to me....don't break my shit is usually the number one thing..I mean I know they are material objects, but still I get pissed when my shit gets broken because it's usually caused by carelessness and it's not like Karma will even things out, because there's nothing of theirs in the house to break (not on purpose I'm saying, but in general..) and I don't like my stuff getting six times the use it would normally get from me.."it only has soo many clicks..." I mean I hate to be shitty about things, but I can only go so far, only bend so much before it's too late....I'm very possessive about my material items..is that shallow, fucking no, you know why, because it's the only thing in life I have, it's the only thing I have ever had, it's the only thing I will ever have, so get off my fucking case....I've managed this far only on the things I have..so please whatever you do, don't take that from....there's reasons why I've named the items that are close to me, care to take a gander as to why...

so I came up the stairs and in my greatest morning voice said, "so correct me if I'm wrong, but did I hear people talking shit?" and glared around through my black and blue squinted Chinese eyes...if it's one thing I love, it's my morning voice, not my morning look..I hope to one day have that morning Tom Waits voice as my actual...so yeah, things were said, but the one offender who mentioned the "1/5" clause was not in the room, so I was building walls where there shouldn't have been, just yet.

I never got to rant like I was going to, I could tell it was going to go nowhere, so instead I'll just post it in here, so all of everyone can read just what the shit goes on in this house...I don't mind living here really, I mean we have a ton of fun..but you know what, if I could have half the amount of fun by visiting here and still live somewhere else, I think that would be a lot better for myself.....I've always said I couldn't live with anybody, and well, it's true...I probably would have killed my Michigan roommate had I been unfortunate to have one. so thus ends my angry rant, not as much cursing in this one, I held back, and the words "god damn" wanted to come out in a lot of places, but there you have it...now GO FUCK OFF!

Pete's Back...
Like a habit?

And so goes the reign of the Reese Witherspoon cardboard cutout as the replacement Pete. Yeah, I think that is all I got for that statement...pete's back.....he returned on Dance Party Wednesday...I think this is his first one to be honest..and to think, this one almost didn't happen....but we rallied it back

rallied....well it was a close one, I was in my Wednesday mood but still I wasn't going to let a tradition flounder, not even once....but as luck may have it I received a phone call from a Heather H. (I think she wanted to talk to Tom...haha) and decided she needed to come over, all other plans had faltered, so this would have been the linking force to reunite everyone with Wednesday....after a quick coercion I hung up the phone and yelled to the kneeler it was coming through...picked her up, brought her back and BOOM, dance party was on..

but we really shouldn't talk about that.....heather stayed for the agreed upon time of an hour, didn't play DDR like the house rules state...but I couldn't be mad at her. so there I was, in my Wednesday mood....took out the trash...never got a pic of the sixth dance party, but oh well...phone call...made an angry ranting post..sheesh, I swear I must be either really old or living as a drunk...doesn't like loud noises, whatever....

so there you have it, wow, this post was longer than I thought..nice..so yeah..my compliment of the night was I make the best martinis....so yeah, eat that shit up, good night!

I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE..
yeah, I fucking said it

So this is a more personal rant, where I bitch about people...and how much I fucking hate people....

I fucking hate loud people....I don't think I have ever been around a louder group of people....let me get into this...there's normal talking voice, there's an excited voice, there's an angry voice, and probably one more, quieter whisper voice.....it never reaches under excited in this house, and not in the good way..what the fuck?

all these people seriously do is fucking yell...but its not yelling, they just talk to you like they are on the cell phone...we all know those types of people...they are talking in a normal voice, having a normal conversation, then all of a sudden their phone rings and they become an announcer for a sporting event..the person on the other line is a thousand miles away and you have to scream to them so they can maybe here a mutter from you...that's a whole different topic...what's their deal? a plastic object transmitting radiation into their brain has this effect to increase the volume of their voice, on some, not all, people..and I love how they are completely oblivious to this..they become finished with their conversation and start talking to you normally again....

maybe it's because they can't hear them, so they compensate by yelling, I've heard of that before, it doesn't make any sense to me really...do they forget that there is a speaker volume for their phone, so they can actually hear the person talking to them......

and what's the deal with talking to foreign people.....I have seen this countless times...you say something to a foreign speaking person, they don't fully understand so you slow down your speech and talk louder....like because the volume of your voice is really going to help translate things better...."ohhhh, right, see at first I wasn't sure what you meant, but then you said it louder, as to make a scene, and now I fully understand it." honestly, let's just talk slower to the fucking foreign pieces of shit that still don't know the fucking language that is supposed to be spoken here..

and that's another rant.....you move to this fucking country, you fucking learn the fucking language, what's so fucking hard about that....I can't believe the government will allow these pieces of social shit to get into the country..especially when they can't speak the god damned language...that's my personal belief, fucking shut down the border til we get our country under wraps...yeah yeah, bitch and moan back at me, "this is the land for that type of shit", look, I don't give a damn..things have to get fixed, and frankly, I think the boarder should be closed til things get better....fucking shoot any of those spiks that try running across the boarder....Mexico would do the same thing if it were going in the other direction..god I fucking hate America, glad that a Republican is in office though....

So back to these loud ass mother fucking people who don't know how to control the volume of anything in this god forsaken house......it's not just their voices either...ohhh no, it's every little mother fucking thing they do..it's fucking ridiculous...how can a person make everything so damn loud....people walking around, that's a biggie.....look, I don't know if your feet are made out of lead or what..I know fat people walk a little heavier, but I mean god damn, my mother was more quite than these fucks and she was bigger...so what the fuck is their malfunction? you fucking walk...this isn't stomp...one foot in front of another.....the ground is the same distance each time, don't fear that..it's not gonna move on you, honestly....

J: Hey.
X: HEY! WHAT UP?!
J: Well, it's 3am, people are sleeping..
X: COOL...I'M GONNA MOVE ALL THE FURNITURE AROUND FOR BIT AND MAKES AS MUCH NOISE AS POSSIBLE
jesus fucking christ

but I fucking hate having general conversation in this house....it just gets so loud, and then I don't feel like even wanting to be in the house.....loud noises are a negative energy, there I fucking said..yeah, fucking loud people are a negative presence in all of society..I don't want them in my fucking house....

I want to live alone next year

fucking count: 24

Garbage...
debris, junk, kelter, litter, offal, riffraff, rubbish, trash, waste, dregs, rubble, filth, sewage, slop

So this is just a nothing post..almost said rant, whew, that was a close one..anyways in the words of MarioKart..Here we go...

So mario cart got me thinking of Vince, of course, but he said he has been reading my blog and it's got energy, he liked the fact that I was writting again...which I s good because that positive reinforcement is exactly what I need to continue doing these types of things....but I really need to get onto the right track here..I've got these books I am supposed to read, damn it..I spend my day wasting it away.....and I know I won't read tomorrow...it's Wednesday, coming, I'll be too psyched for the Dance party....maybe this weekend, or something...I don't know..

So I am so bored am I thinking about food...I know I am not hungry, but food would give me something to do, something to fill in the gap here....which isn't a good thing because, a: I am not hungry therefore I don't need to eat, b: we don't have enough food to go around as it is, and thirdly it will only make me hungry, causing me to eat when really I had no intention...grrrr

so as I sit here I have to remind myself to take my cell phone out of my pocket....for some reason it just does not like the pocket in this spot, sitting, here.....could be standing up, right next to the damn chair I am in and I got signal...put it on the desk in front of me, signal...but in my pocket..ohhh no, not at all....it's like the refrigerator light thing.....so I put it on the table, so that it can vibrate right off and onto the floor...right out of reaching distance...sorry I missed your call...

and speaking of missed calls..I had this call the other day...ok, so the scenario was like this..I wanted to remember a set of numbers, so I just punched them into the phone, space being the obvious pound sign as if I were to text message someone, so it looked something like this...115#111, I think that's right and I pressed talk so that it would save those numbers.....so I call, hang up instantly and just review my recent outgoing calls to remember the number as needed, brilliant slightly I know...but not 20 minutes after that happens I get a call from this phone number: 114-56. yeah, that was it...what the shit was that...I was too afraid to answer..maybe I dialed a secret government number and they were now tracking me down....and they even left a message..so now I am totally wierded out by it. and when I went to check my voicemail it said from that number, no more no less....

it just reminded me of that one time I was getting the missed calls from a similar number..which turned out to be the overseas credit card guy..the one where I had the greatest conversation with ever for over an hour...yeah, he never called me back....I miss that guy, he was great

so I got a compliment for my little blog here...made me happy, see, I can be a nice guy...at times..to some people...it all depends on timing really..I mean you'll mostly get the asshole version of me no matter who you are (exception 1), but if you really are something and really deserve it, yeah, I'll give my gratitude....choke on that!

so that's about it for me, for now...just some random shit like I said....I'm on the brink of something though...I don't think it is good, I feel it gurgling, like an intestinal problem...the Dance Party tomorrow will either be my Pepto, or a spicy Mexican meal...we'll see.

No School Rant!!!
But Maybe...in the distance...

So just as I made the decision to never go to college ever....mother fucking ever, I get this....I'll explain..

so in the past couple of weeks I have been denouncing college as having any use whatsoever, especially for the people I know and live around. I wouldn't say I'm talking them out of going to college, but then again I might be a liar...so I was just giving then real life options...maybe even existential options, for those who believe in that sort of thing, not I, I'm more of a bleak pessimist like Sartre..anyways....so yeah, school is stupid to me...if I want to learn something, I'll either go to the library to get a book on it, or I'll fucking live it and get my own damn experiences, make sense?

this how I have been thinking for the past month....another thing that got to me is I am a fairly intelligent person...and I have been called "bright" by some, and when I use bright of course I am talking about how I pick up on things...so I'm a quick learner, I know that's a bullshit line when you have and interview, but it's fucking true with me...fucking teach me something...I'll repeat it for a bit, BOOM, it's mastered, no biggie now give me something else before I revamp what you got here and make it better.....but there are things I want to do, or would prefer doing...but I just can't get into them because, and here's the clincher, I don't have schooling..whatever....

My question to society is this, what happened to apprenticeships? Do they exist anymore, because if they do, I'll be there in a heartbeat. You know what I'm talking about...there's this person who is skilled in this one trade and somebody that has to replace him wants to study underneath him to learn it all, then does replace him when guy A retires or dies....where is that now...am I missing that because if I am, well I'm a fool....but that's all I really fucking need, is a damned apprenticeship.....if I were able to be taught something that I wanted or liked to do, I may like it a little bit more..

I suppose what I am getting at is, let me train under a photographer, I'll pick up the shit then I could do something with it..until then I am just a hack, dare I say, poser..I really don't know what I am doing, and whenever I have asked anybody else they won't help me...maybe it's because all photographers I have ever met are pompous too good for the world fucks (I should fit right in, no?) but seriously, they all talk like their shit don't stink, they are some sort of gods...what, because they can point and shoot.....well I can mother fucking do that.....

then some may say, well why don't read up on photography - can it bitch, I don't like to read one...I have read some shit, doesn't get me anywhere I want to be...I can read til my eyes bleed, put me in that god forsaken real life scenario and I've got nothing...I like to be taught, physically, hands on, situation by situation....I'll get the understanding eventually..remember I am a quick learner....

so yeah, fuck school apprenticeships are the way to go..just do what you fucking want, live your god-damned life...you want to act, move to cali..be a waiter/waitress and try it out.....you want to sing, quit school....it won't help you any bit..save your money people...do what your soul is telling you to do, otherwise you'll regret it in the end...

that said...I stated no school for me..then ghosts and paranormal activity was mentioned tonight..people are afraid of the fucking ouija board (lame ass) and other things of that nature...I'm all about, because I wanted to go to school to become a parapsychologist.....so that made me want to go back, just for that.....but I know it won't happen...I'll live my life as a drifter and in 3-5 years I'll be hiking in Europe...that's my plan so fuck everyone else. Ta-mother fucking-TA

To Jessica,
Thanks..

Yeah, so this is my ode to Jessica, because she deserves it...So this is me not so formally, but formally none-the-less Thanking her for everything she has done for me

Let's see....where to begin.......well, she cut my hair, not fully cut my hair, but trimmed it; to get it off the ears. she was weary of doing this because she knows how "important" my hair is to me, or something but she did do a nice job on it, so yay to her, saving me money and making me look presentable yet again...

ohh, being the one person I could actually ask a favor from....though rare, far and few between certain situations come where everybody needs a hand...sweat off my back

For buying me diner the other night...even though the meal may have been slightly cold, I enjoyed it because, well it was a meal, and it was bought with love...I got to eat!

And who could forget the drunken ice-cream escapade downtown....after a wine tasting we walked back home (good thing too, we almost opted to drive...) but in our delusion we craved ice cream....and ohhh was it so good too. my favorite line was of course "don't mind these" as I put an empty and a full bottle of wine on the counter to dig out change from my pocket....

which then led to the leisurely walk through campus...scratch leisurely, loud walk through campus, stopping at the gazebo..only to harass a couple walking up later..and finally making it home...running into the door and banging your head on the wall.....good shit....

but I think most of all, thanks for putting up with all my bullshit.....god I am such a fucking ass it is unbelievable. But somehow she puts up with my cutting sarcasm and down to earth realism....so hasn't slashed my throat like I have threatened so many a times, so yeah...it's a great place to be....

So thank you for everything you've done, are doing, and will continue (I hope) to do..just thought you may like this...

(oh, and to those of you who think they should be entitled a post where I thank them personally like this......tell me, what's the last thing you did for me; and maybe I'll consider it.....best wishes, burn in hell)

Something New..??
making it new..

Yeah, so today's date is sticking out in my head for some reason...beats me why, but yeah I guess I won't ever figure out since my computer is not up and running...so anyways

Well today will be a special day, if it already isn't..but today is the day when I lost my ramen virginity....yeah, I had two bowls of ramen....I prefer the chicken over the beef...wow

so yeah, no biggie....this is just a quick little post for no apparent reason...

I want to point out one thing, but I'll save it for a rant....god, I just wanted to go to sleep 5 minutes ago, now I want to rant...fucking people....

Camping Quotes
Yah for the New editions!

Ok, this isn't anything too funny or serious or anything like that...it's just a combination of all those things......

So I was at this party last night (don't even get me started, I had a rant about people, but yeah..I'll shut up...) So at this party, which I was invited to because I know this person who knows this person, something like that....a band played, my friends knew a member, they also knew the house resident, so whatever....

anyways, I was sitting in my chair, that's what I do best, people watch..so then I got up to "help"/walk Neil back over to Jessie's apartment to get his stuff..but as I was following him I was stopped and a conversation like this happened...

J: Excuse me, excuse me..coming through......whoops, I'm sorry (continues walking)
G: (pause)...Hey..HEY YOU! Stop!
J: (stops and sighs..turns around)
G: I know you...I was in your tent
J: Excuse me?
G: Yeah, I've been in your tent.....I was with Chris that one night..
J: (befuddled) ummm, soleski? When was that...was I there...jujuwha?
G: Yeah, there's candles and I was sitting next to them..and (starts naming off everything..)
J: Ohh, I believe you were in the tent...I mean how many other people alone, and here, have a tent...I think it's safe to make that assumption...
G: you never know..
J: Oh, but I do, I do know..
J: (moment of clarity) ohhh, was that when there was like 11 other people in the tent as well
G: yeah!
J: ahh, yeah, alright I remember that.....well you're more than welcome to come back some time, but I gotta jet

Notice how I said, "I remember that"...it wasn't til later that I remembered her, for some reason the face didn't ring a bell, but when I stepped back I was able to get a clear shot of her and yeah, I remember her...

so that's a random story of how I get spotted in a large city like Bloomington at some random ass party....every where I go, I swear I know somebody....I feel good, yet this may be too small for me....

1917 - 201999
She was an Optimist....

So what a day.....it was short, but damned if I didn't have a good time with it..I suppose it is only 7....many more things to come.....

well to start it off, Vince and Elizabeth stopped by today, though later than they said they would (I think that was Vince being nice, so in that case I am grateful) I didn't awake til their presence at 11..still wearing my overcoat from the night before...

So I gave them the tour of the house, took a picture as needed then took off for campus...this isn't my campus so I wasn't able to give them a tour, like at Michigan (ohhh Michigan, Go victors valiant) so Dewes kinda helped me out, though very slightly...

we ate at the Irish Lion, a quaint little pub like restaurant. After Elizabeth had one too many drinks everything was suddenly funny, and we left to explore the rest of Bloomington and it's campus...we had a fun run getting lost and then chased out of the Auditorium...then we made it into a dorm, then on different floors where we harassed more people......walked in a graveyard, say my title in one of the head stones, brilliant...

then we headed our way back here..had a good jam session (I was happy that I had a few moments of brilliance on the drums..) we took turns alternating instruments, good shit...then we went up stairs where I fixed everyone some martinis (French and A Muff Of Another), Vince had a good time...then we played some DDR...shortly after that they took off back for Terre Town, all in all it was a pleasant visit.

Shortly after they left the Kneeler and Jessie stopped by and we started to Watch Anything Else...I fell asleep an hour into it and just woke up maybe half an hour ago....oh, and guess who was no longer at my side, oh that's right, the girl who always leaves me in the dust, Jessie...

so that's where I am at right now, the movie is just finishing up and I'm gonna fix me a bowl of cereal and jerk off. good night indeed..well you know, it's like anything else.

ICE CREAM AND UNDERWEAR PARTY....
enough said...

So yeah, today is Friday...November 5th....yeah-a...anyways, not much has really happened today to be honest....I was told, "you're gonna be a rockstar, I know it" by some guy..made me laugh.....today is remembered in Geek History, of course from Back to the Future...November 5th 1955 was the day in which Emit L. Brown was hanging a clock in his bathroom ,slipped on the wet porcelain and when he came to he had a vision, and drew this...




ok, I know that is horrible, but that is how this accident picture took, so yeah, it's kinda funny, the fact that I "ruined" a Polaroid shot, but was able to salvage it by coming up with this brilliant idea, I rock, yes I know.....

so I think that is all for now.....still wanting to go backpacking, you know where...maybe move and live there til I commit some heresy and die....

oh yeah, tonight is the ice cream and underwear party.....bring ice cream or alcohol...and you are only admitted if you are in your undies...for more info give me a call.....until next time...peace, we outta here...

Give Me 24 Hours...
...And I'll make a fool of this all

Sooo, last night....Wednesday Night Dance Party, tradition in the making. yeah well what can you do, have a great frickin' time. We are wondering though, is it the fourth or fifth dance party..I guess it all depends on your definition of a dance party....but for the record we will go with number 5, and counting.

But yeah..what can one accomplish in 24 hours, running on pure...emotion? No no, emotion is the wrong word, well I mean it's slight emotion...spite, that's an emotion right? Ehh, whatever, actions speak louder than words..actions speak louder than emotions..and actions can speak for emotions, so yeah, deduct what you can...

well the dance party was a hit, to an extent...we got some new people to come over...the mood kinda shifted from the "norm" ( though there really isn't a norm) to a slight dance party with a lot of hanging out on the porch and a jam session in the kitchen...then everyone splitting their own ways...

One Highlight for us all was the acceptance of our invite by Laura Cooper to come to the dance party....she's one of those girls where you have to use the first and last name...that and she doesn't have a middle name.

Surprisngly I wasn't in my uber-depressed mode for the night, which is a good thing, probably because I was wearing my fuzzy blue handcuffs..to match my fuzzy blue slippers....to match my blue whip....oh kinky I can be. well that's it, I won't fuck you tonight, I don't know if you would be able to handle me....

Godly Quotes...
Yeah, I'm bringin' 'em back

So I had this conversation this morning...it was around 9, and that was only to give an adequate amount of time for the other party, otherwise the call would have been made at 3am last night..but I was told it wasn't "right", so whatever, last time I listen to her..well, ok no..

so this is between the Kneeler and Myself...I'm wide awake, and he's just been woke up...

K: (sleepy) H-hello..
J: (awake) Hey, its me
K: (still tired) hey...
J: (excited) So, I was wondering what time you wanted to go to Lowes today
K: (tired and confused) w-hat..?
J: (still going) Well, I was just wondering what you wanted to go over to Lowes..you know..to get supplies...for my shrine...
K: (totally awake) OH MY FUCKING GOD NO..I MEAN YES...I MEAN HOLY SHIT..YOU ARE MY GOD!

so yeah..I fucking rock.....my shrine will be built...Jason is the one God.

Foamy's Rants 2
..well, tried to

you know what types of people I hate...those...stupid....bastards...I hate.....mother fuckers.....that.....I fucking......hate

this is fucking ridiculous, you know what I hate, fucking days like yesterday..fucking bullshit is what it was. I don't even know where to begin....fucking, it could go back to the time it hit 12 am, yeah, that's how fucked things were...slept, woke up, wasn't good, couldn't find my glasses..piss me off. things just got worse....I suppose the only thing that would have clinched it was if Bush were to lose.

you know what I hate, people who don't take my fucking advice....what, I'm always right...I was right about Bush, I was right about you, hell, I could even pin point it down, you know why, because I'm fucking great..I'm not an idiot, though I can play a pretty good role, I just like for people to put it out there, I have nothing on the line, they do, so fuck off.

and it's not just people who don't take my advice, it's people who don't believe me, people who don't put faith in what I say, what...like I'm fucking lying to them, for what purpose do I have to lie to them, am I gonna benefit myself somehow, no...listen up, stick it in your god damned brain what I have to say...if I tell you something it's because I know I'm right, if I am uncertain of something, I'll let you know by saying, 'hmmm, I don't know, maybe, well.., we'll see...' how fucking hard is it not to believe me, must be pretty god damned easy...

oh, but I love it when those fuckers come to me later and say "you were right", of course I was right, I'm not a fucking idiot like yourself, I know what's up....people that are worse than that are those not ignorant to their surroundings...the type that know what is wrong with everything, but just don't have the decency to change anything, maybe lack the intelligence...or maybe they like to bitch about their surroundings, because then and only then do they feel important, when they have something to tell the world, make everyone succumb to their every desire..."ohh, please listen to me while I complain about the world around me..." look here fucks, get yourself out of the hole you dug yourself, nobody wants to hear about your fucking insignificant matters that only pertain to you being a douche and not wanting to help yourself...clinging onto something only so you can feel like you got something, anything...keeping people around you....one, it's pathetic, two it's weak minded, and thirdly its self destructive....why don't you pull a pin on a grenade and just hold onto it..and if you can't get a grenade, a large firework stick will do the trick....because seriously, society doesn't need you except to look down upon....

So in conclusion, fucking take my advice or burn in hell...shut up you whiny losers and just die...that is all.

"there are certain types of people in this world that just piss me off to no end. Like the kind of people that come up to you and ask you for your advice. And when you give it to them, they don't take it. They just come up to you a week later and say "I can't believe how everything turned out so wrong!" You wanna know why everything turned out so wrong? Because you didn't take my advice, and you're fucking stupid!"