Moody....

Yeah, well, to all of you out there who make claims that they care...you don't...otherwise i wouldn't be here right now.....this is to everyone..FUCK YOU....that feels a little better...maybe i'm just venting, maybe my legs are tired of walking, maybe i'm tired of walking in the rain, in the cold, on the dark side of the road, maybe i don't see a light at the end of my tunnel, maybe i just want to see you, maybe this anger isn't directed at everyone, but to those who said they cared enough, to step back into my life for a second without really ever caring, what's wrong here, what, did i do something wrong, and if so, what did i do to deserve this...

i guess i was complaining about not being in a song writting mood before, well, i guess i'd rather be happy and not be able to make songs, then be like i am and make crappy songs......
i guess the mood isn't so bad on the second floor..

An Outing...

That's all it ever intended to be..an outing...she ever said so herself...so as i explained a little in my previous post, i'll get into it a little more in this one....

so i've been wanting to see a movie, but nobody wants to go with me, or to the movies i want to see, go figure...so i'm naturally talking about things, throwing a movie idea every nowe and then into every conversation...got several bites on someone wanting to see Freddy vs Jason with me, but bites are bites, nothing good unless you get the whole deal.

so one of my co-workers, angie, had an upcoming day off the same as mine, maybe a day or two from the conversation about seeing a movie. so it was mentioned we should go to it, no biggie. the night prior we worked together and pland were brought up afgian in conversation, though it seemed she might be backing out at this point, hey it happens, so far every time i've had an idea to see a movei this summer..i hate people..anyways..

so on the day of the uneventful event, i randomly gave her a callm, got the voicemail, and said if she was atually serious, ghive me a call back, gave the times of the movie, and said i would be about doing my own thing...i actually got a call back maybe a couple hours later., we confirmed a tiem and place to meet, target parking lot 7ish..

so i get there around 730, shows how much i care, ha. and we've got a couple hours to kill before, i thought we we're going to the 8 showing, but we went to the 10 instead. so she mentioned agian gonig mini golfing, i didn't think she was serious the first time, or third, but when she said it this time i knew for certian she was...ok so at first i was reluctant to go to the mimi golf thing in schererrville with her..it seems such a boyfriend/girlfriend touchy feelly thing to do..i've always wanted to go with brooke to it, but she's never had an intent on going with me. i eventually give in and we play. it was fun, i hadn't playerd in years, she said she plays all the time and was gonig to win, but on the first 6 holes i can close to getting holes in one on every single green, she thought she was playing with tiger woods, hahaha.

in the end i let her, i had fun with my competitivness the first half, and really boffed the last half. afterwards we went in to play some arcade games. OMD they had police 911 2, yeah that was badass...she wants to become a police officer and she thought she could get farther in the game than i could..well i didn't let her win this one, damn striaght, kicker her ass and killed the first 4 bosses. then i danced DDR style, first round sucking, but that was just a warmup for my passing level ass with some beethoven techno, perfect..

so then got time for the movie....note, everything has been paid for by each respective individual....the movie was great..i don't care if you don't like the freddy or jason series, this one was good, i was laughing quite a bit through it..so no, it's not scary, and yeas freddy does keep the tradition with one liners...

so after the movie i was hungry, so to steak and shake we went...i think that one on 41 has been the most random of all places for me and people i know to go to...i ate it was good i suppose, no fries for me, and i went back to target to drop her off at her car.........something got me out of the car, and i TP'ed some of my other co-workers vehicles, the ones that i love. which i got a phone call in the morning about from them, haha....but here comes the turn for the bad. i thanked her for coming out with me, she was kind running late to go out with her friends to a club/bar/whatever, and the usual chit chat good time this and that, and she went to hug me, i figure, it's ok it's just a hug...but i was wrong...as her arms went around me head, she pulled me down closer to her and had "that look" on her face..naturally i begin to fight it, tensing up on the shoulders and neck, pulling back, then she starts leaning in, she then asks why am i resisting...at that point i break loose. i tell her how i feel about kisses, it;s kind of a big deal to me, i just don't go around kissing people, whether it be a god night kiss or not, a hug is fine. she looked kinda confused...and we departed shortly thereafter...

now am i so wrong that i couldn't kiss her? i mean she's a co-worker, so there goes that, working with her would be awkward. it wasn't an actual date, as we both agreed upon days earlier...i mean kissing in her book could be casual, but it's not in mine..plus my heart is still with someone else, so until that changes, i can't do anything, dispite what they are doing...i guess i have morals, values, beliefs...most are better than other people's....i'm nopt about to start a religious debate though, that's for tonight, right zach? hahaha where's that asian of ours...

so til next time, this is Jason Angus saying, "she ran down south to a place that was familiar, leaving empty promises, but my heart she took with her. running from something, though i'm not sure what of, i lost my girl, the one i did love"

Trinity....

So they say everything happnes in three's, people dying, yadda yadda yadda..well i guess i can agree with that, or maybe this is national, "if you're a female, ignore jason" week/month whatever. let me explain.....

so as we all know, brooke is giving me the snub, for reasons everyone is uncertain of.....as much as i would like to play this game back, i remember i'm not that childish and want to get right down to business, whatever is bothering her, but some won't have it that way.....

next we have my mother...yeah well, what else there to say on that one, once a family mnember turns their back on you, that's the end of that family relationship. so that means i now have no family whatsoever, kinda sad when you think about it...but isn't there a song with oneo f ther lyrics being, "got no family tree"? i thoguht there was....

and now for another person to add to the list..a co-worker from target.what i did to her, agian uncertian of, i think everyoner's just celebrating the holiday. she may be mad about an oputing that wasn't a date, but to her maybe it was, but who knows. for more details apply within. it was just an outing because i really wanted to see a movie, i had nibbles on the offer and finaly someone committed to a time and whatehave you..but i guess things gto ugly at the end of the night when she tried to kiss me....i suppose i'll explain it all later..but in the end i couldn't do it, for multiple reasons...

so there you have it, people suck...and people not talking to me anger me even more...out of that list, if i had to rank them in order of who i cared about more not talking to me, it'd go like this: in the first spot we obviously have Brooke..taking seconmd, once agian is Brooke, and pulling in a close third is..Brooke...yeah, the others i could care less about....but she's killing me here...

Now so long, Marianne, it's time that we began
to laugh and cry and cry and laugh about it all again.

So here's a quick little update for you people while i got the time...kind of a personal thing, but it just goes to show how much i really do hate my family...

So tuesday night was the night of the big and final move out of the house. my mother was upset becasue she thoghut she wouldn't be able to take everything down with her on this trip, i offered some help, but she never acknowlegded it. So i arrive home the evening pretty late, around 1am or so and notive she's still there, she had said she would be gone way before that. so as i walk past her i asked if she got everything or she needed me to take soem things off ehr hands for her in ther mean time..i got no reply so i went about my business.

i was making several trips up and down the stairs and out to my car to get the very last items, blankets and clothes and such out of the house and into my car...when on my fourth trip out, give or take, i noticed that my mom and the car were gone..at first i thought she may have just ran into town, but quickly put it all together, noticing that there was not a thing left to be found, i knew she left for good and would not return..she left without even saying a goodbye...

**Side Note** it's funny how i can put two different people in my life, and tie them topgether by their same actions, both leaving me without saying goodbye, both females, both..well you get the idea..is that the way to leave me???***

So now that brings me to today, rather yesterday, it was my mom's birthday..nowe i had given her gift to her that tuesday during the afternoon, figureing i wouldn't see her agian that night....but in light of everything, i didn't give her a call to wish ehr a happy birthday...am i wrong to do so? i mean she was the one who ignored me in the garage and couldn't even say goodbye, so if she doesn't want me to acknowledge her, then why even bother calling her at all..

is blood really thicker than water??? even family can turn on you..and right now, my friends have put down thier knives for me, and they're the ones that matter most......

I'm not the one walking away, it's you...and they say all perpendicular roads meet up agian....but i'm walking parallel

Concert Tour Kickoff

Well yesterday was defiantly a day packed with events, both good and bad...the bad being limited to one thing, but major, and the good plenty of. I spent the final hours the ngiht prior getting the remainder of my shit out fo the house..spent a sleepless night in my seat, so i decided to play guitar and pay bills..of course if this were a dylan song it would have been, "spent a seatless night in my sleep, paying guitar and playing my bills"...god that's brilliant....

so the idea starts burning in my head more and more...then i call vince, ask him if he was free and if he wanted to road trip today...luckily he was free and went with me....

we drove down to muncie, wrote a song in the process, all was good...we ate in some cafeteria brooke always takes me to. we walked around the campus, playing our guitars in various places. we stayed for a couple hours, never seeing the elusive brooke, but running into mike fischer twice. it was getting after 4 and we still had a three hour trip back, so we decided to call it quits. i wrote brooke a note and left it at the front desk for her just as proof i was indeed there....funy part, not really....

i don't want to get to into it, but as i dropped off the note, a girl sitting in a group looked like brooke, granted i only saw the back of her head, i thoght it could have been her...of course i had been "seeing" lowellians all that day..which weren't the actual people at all, so i thought i was just being crazy agian....being up past 24 hours will play tricks with your mind as well. and on top of that, i figured if it were her, and she were to see me, she would obviously stop me, or say something, or anything..wouldn't she.....walked by her agian, no acknowledgment, continued on my way, took a picture of vince in ront of the "Wagoner Hall" sign, with brooke in the background...it was her, i know it was...i was ignored....

well at least we got to play guitar...my fingers are a little raw from it all. we made our trip with a detour in valpo to see jimmy. i think he enjoyed our little visit. we played for him as well, two college concerts in one day, god we rock. i did some back up vocals while vince played, it was great.

after that we returned to lowell, and vine let me stay the night at his house, yay for friends. asian tony called me, and i feel ba because i was really tired by 11:00 last night, drained pyshically, emotionally, and mentally, if those are possible. i tried to listen to him, but i was in my own little world. my reality was starting to settle in as well. we called it a night, and i went to sleep on the floor...i never got the call i wanted, from who i wanted...and as i laid on the floor, i remember not trying to go to sleep really, just laying there thinking...but the last thing i remember was rolling over to my side, curling up in a ball as i started to cry..i woke up in the morning, still here.....

"So when can we expect an update?" ~ Zach

Yeah yeah...of course you all know right now I am homeless, on the road, living the dreams of someone else..so updates will be far and few in between, moreso than they were before...i could say back up off me..but for some reason I'm not feeling it..just kinda here sort fo thing....blah kinda of mood..so be it.....oh lord, there it is, the "so be it mood"..well here's a little post..maybe i'll muscle up another one in a second....

Good Goff...

The Weather Bitch is wearing a bikini...what in the hell, this is too pornagraphic for my likings...

Mark Your Calendars....

next week, Tuesday and Wdnesday I have off, and will use these off days to my fullest potential...so i'll be on a two day hiatus...but where to go you ask? Anywhere you want to be, or rather me to be. I have several options available, but I was thinking the great state of Michigan was calling my name...but it's sad because i'll miss seeing my other friends by only a couple days, they all move in at the end of next week or the following, sad. so things are still kinda up in the air. i have wednesday off, which means i can look at Mars al night long...by myself...i wish i could be spending this moment with my lovely, but certian things just won't allow for that. so if you have any requests, i should be homeless by that time next week, and be willing to go anywhere, mark your requests now...but if i get no feedback, most likely it will be to michigan.....there's only one person who could change that...and she's also three hours away...

ALL

It's make or break, do or die, all the eggs are in one basket, hail marry, last shot, last chance, closing time, the finalle, the last scene, point of no return, there's no turning back, no looking back, staying focused on the goal. i can do this, if i go through wit this, i can't fail, it is not an option, i will and i can, i know i, everything's on the line, or on the table, the biggest wager made, the gamble of a lifetime......she always did beat me at cards...




i'm going to chicken out....

I Can't Think of a Title....Old No. 7 Brand

so life is bland, not blandford, just boring..i have no complaints about the boredom really, rather it suking so much. the only gripe i have is that nobody will go to the movies with me...i think i may embark into unverntured area of...dare i say, going alone, that's how sad my life, i think that could sum everything up really. life said in one action, that's sad.

but i guess it's not as bad, or maybe right up there with a certain someone...i can't tel his name, but the funniest thing is that hearing his name makes a group moan in disgust. it happened over the weekend at zach's, we were talking about this and that and somehow, someone brought him up, him and his little girl too. as soon as the name was said, everyone in the room, all at once, got that look on their face and moaned, it was beautiful, if only it were caught on tape. i feel bad slamming him on here about it, so i will keep his identity secret. wow, i have feelings too...

so i was told i need to break this up into paragraphs, go figure. i tried justifying my style 6 different ways, but to no avail. i remember as a child growing up, i think it was the fourth grade a teacher yelled at me and gave me a bad grade on a paer because i used too many paragraphs or something. so ever since then i never broke them up,. hell even gianotti would have to go through my shit and tell me where to break it up. i did eventually get beter at this, but still...not to mention that in that last lengthy post it would have ruined the artistic credibilty of the structure, beleive me, to see the toughts flow together, i ddin't want a pause in between them, one big stream of conscious. yeah.....

if only i could write, i would love to write a book a screenplay, be it play or movie, even songs. i suppose i have my own style, or did, at one time. but my writing is contrived crap. i mean i could tell about a kid who becomes homeless, or my townies movie, or love gone wrong, hell there's enough input from that last one from all my friends that i could write a novel...funny....

so speaking of love gone wrong, or well just bad feelings, i realized the other day that i've always had someone to talk to about whatever it may be, whatever is on my mind, what's troubling me. no matter what time it was, someone would call and i was albe to spill my guts to them...but i'm thinking about now it's not quite like that, i don't remember who has been there in the past, random people, probably someone different every time, but who's here now? ...if you ever get a call from me, and it seems out of the blue, and i say i calljust to say hi, or whatever, probably what i just said, that's not the reason why i called. i found out i'm not good at opening up at first, but once i do, the flood gates go down. it'sjust the initial ice that needs to be broken, otherwise it'll take a bit of time before it comes out of me..so let that be a lesson for ya'll, there's always a reason for my call.....

moving out and packing up sucks, soon i will be homeless..and everyone knocks living in the car. i suppose that is bad, but what can i do...powerball rolled over agian, i know that's just a crazy thing, but i wouldn't need the 82 million it is up to, just something to pa off my bills and get me started. zach and i always wonder what we would do wit all that money, how great life would be.. i know it wouldn't solve all my problems, but 95% of them..the rest i would waste my fourtune on trying to win over agian....there's another book for ya.....

you know if i were to start writing a book or whatever, i would get about half way done with it, i always stop half way in my crazy ideal projects. i have folders and shit of papers of crazy ideas i thought half way through, even my first book, TTMOFIL, that's the anagramed title for you, that is half way completed, in fact probably less tan that because i lost the newer version i had in one of my upgrades, so i'm back to the middle of chapter 7, pisses me off, and for tat reason of loosing it, i never wanted to finish it...

learning guitar is a bitch, my fingers are getting calloused..i suppose that's a good ting, shows i'm playing, but i've got nothing more to show for it. i'd like to play songs, and i know you have to learn the chords fully before you can play, but i don't have the ear for this shit. i mean look at vince, he's brilliant, he taught himself the guitar, can play loads of shit, write his own music, when i'll be damned if i can't even read it. vince is a god, he can play several instruments, all i want is one,well maybe two, i've always wanted to learn how to play the piano, starting teaching myself as a little kid on an organ. i'm really sore altogether, but it's not from guitar, i think target is catching up on me...i can feel my back go every now and then, as i sit here i can feel my muscles ache...i need a massage at least...brooke, i think it's time you paid me back some massages, but of course you're gone. this is kinda like talking to myself, sitting here, talkng into the air as if you were here...

speaking of talking, i was sitting here with the guitar just a bit ago, i muted everything on my computer so i could read and play and not get interupted with the opening and closing doors. so i was sitting here, minding my business when this lady starts talking, i want to say it was from my speakers, but who knows really. she said something, not sure what, then that was that. i hope i'm not going insane..though it would give me a nice white walled place to live......

Happy Blog-aversery

Yup, it was one year ago today i started writing in this thing...4 breakups, 9 law suits, and hundreds of pissed off people later, i'm still here. looking back on the one year mark is sad, it seems only so close that i began to put my thoughts on here. i remember my computer was acting up...hmmm sound familar..and i had to do it on my mom's computer. people were coming, people were going, life was messed up, who could have thought it could get worse....rock bottom has turned into magma...well i could spend the time making links of the year's past highlights, but i don't have the time,we all know what rocked and what didn't, right? yeah but i would defiantly say my writing style has ever so gradually become crappier, yeah i mean look at the way i just ended that statement, yeah. and all these run on sentences, good gof, what am i thining, honestly. and for those who think "gof" is a typo, think agian, new phrase, abck up off it yo. well that's about it, maybe i'll make a highlight reel now that i think about it, give me some time though.....yeah well that's all for now, til next time...we're going on year two, let's make the most of it in the time allowed, for i know it will be short....

It Only Has So Many Clicks...

yeah, words to live by....i went to unlock my car, keeping the key turned to the left for a couple additioanl seconds to unlock all the doors and as i go to pull open the backdoor to put the guitar in, it's till locked. so i figured whatever, reached in on the drivers side and hit the unlock button, didn't hear anything, pulled agian, still to no avail. i crawled in to the back and tried to open the door, it's still locked....so yeah i realzed after i dicked around with it some more, the power lock switch is busted, the controler on the inside, not the door or anything. but yeah, so of course i'm mad, probably like a $20 switch and 80 dollars labor, but i'll get it fixed...maybe that was what was wrong with my remote starter...who knows, that'd be bad ass if that got fixed, right in time for winter and sleeping in my car, ha..that's all.....

Jason, Tellin' It Like It Is....Turn Back Now

Well to tell you the truth, who knowsd what's going no anymore...well xanga is still motherfucking down!! My worms coem and go..on my computer that is, i get rid of it, it's still there, craziness...as for worms in my stomache, yeah everyone at target thinks i have some because i eat cookie dough raw..ooooooooh.. anywho..i've been hearing a lot of really good quotes and tis and that at work, or said to myself...let me think...well tis one chick said, "i'll be honest tell ya the truth some day" wow, those have to be ranked up there in the worst things to say phrase list. basic translation, "i'm lying to you, and have been, and maybe one day when i feel bad enough i'll tell you, maybe" these words shouldn't be spoken to friend family foe, it's just harsh. which brings me to my next topic, being lied to, or rather, not told all the details/leaving certain things out. i think some people just need to realize that when they think hiding the truth from someone will be better, it actually makes things a lot worse. i'd rather be told striaght up what's going on rather than be lead on by some carrot ^. i'd rather have things be out there in the open, to be aware, ten to have to find it out acciently and have worse feelings, because i'm telling ya, when you do find something out like that, no matter how small, or how petty it may be, there's a lack of trust, faith, confidence, and you wonder why this person is doing this.....vince and i had a simliar talk at steak and shake the other night..it seems as though he's a little more controling than i am on the subject, but i don't mind my girl to hang out with her friends. yeah i understand it's like a little escape, need to get away, but not really, new familiar atmosphere..and adequate time should be given to both parties, i can't think of a ratio, but it defiantly weighs on favor the the couple. of course if when i sak what are your plans for the day, and you reply with "busy, doing things, we can't see each other" and leave it at that, but you run amuck with your friends,well why couldn' you just say so in the first place? by doing that you just broke any bond that relationship had..but this extends into a friendship basis as well, two friends try to get together and then one backs out saying something stupid has come up, then you find out what they said was partly right, but are with other people...kinda makes you feel like you aren't wanted. maybe i'm in that mood because i feel i have been "told a different story" stupid people....speaking of stupid people, pop culture freaks are on the rise of people i dispise list....yeah everything has a list, and everyone's making it it seems. but there's this 24 year old from target who's a pop culture whore, it's like she's in highschool. this can be seen in the cd's she has in her car...yeah she has a lot, most of them being from soundtracks, or hit singles, terrible. i found all this out on sat night/sunday morning, had a bunch of extra time after getting out at target, so i did my normal sit in the parking lot talk a thon with a group and she stayed in on it, but first blasted her music from her car. lord was i disgusted. how can something such as that define you as a person? yeah i like whatever is popular at the current moment. and by liking what is "popular", accepted by an "elite" group of people, only confroms you even more. so you can only be defiend as a pop culture whore..changing every 2 minutes to a new style just because it looks cooler. i think it's the change part i personally hate about the pop culture scene, i hate change. and i hate it when people change, it's never for the better i'll tell you that much. or when people chage only to be different. well listen here fucksticks, you're different just like everyone else. deal with it, quit changing to be different..different, yeah that reminds me of those punk/alternative/emo freaks. bunch of digenerate, whiny, depressed, generation loser leftovers writing "songs" about how mommy only gave them $50 for the week instead of the normal $100. these songwriters wouldn't know feelings if it came up to them and ripped out teir heart, let alone how to express it down on paper. And these fucking freaks are revered as heros by the unintelligent, slack-jawed yokel whom have to wear black, or dye their hair, or god forbid, listen to these fucks such as the ataris, john mayer, alkaline maple, and other groups from hot topic that offer no basis for indiviuality except for conforming to "that" mold...yeah, their an emotional wreck alright, try my friend asian tony. i know exaclty how this poor soul feels, i went through a similar situation. i'm not sure what got me throguh it, so i don't know how to help him. all i can say is he's buddhist and one of their biggest beleifs is that you have to take the journey alone...that's about all i can offer. he called me last night in one of his worst breakdowns. i really didn't know what to say to him, and i couldn't be on for long, i had to work. i wish him the best..he said he needed a smoke, but didn't want to give in,but i but he drank it off..as for drinking, if someone were to see my computer desk they'd defiantly think i was an alcoholic.well there's my bottle of jack which i like to keep around for the smell, and then the shot glass, blue, which brooke got for me, next to it. then there's the bottle of wine i used when i cooked the lasagna, then the various types of malt beverages skyy, mike's hard whatever, bartels and james,...) from random people coming over and wanting a drink, friends, brothers, sisters, lovers, neighbors, enemies, but not really. if i get motivated i'll get rid of that soon, but i doubt anybody would care, but i'm not a drunkard, not an alcohlic, so must get rid of these, bastard people. oh yeah, so i was in somewhat rare form at target last night. after i get done with the truck i come to find i have the office pull, the longest one, and it's the only one left. that severly pissed me off, took over 3 hours with help mind you. so i was in pain, back killing me, aggitated because of that, and just overall quiet. somebody kinda got in my face in a half jokin manner and i just went off on them, i let them have what was on my mind, turned away just as i started to get their reaction, it wasn't pretty. then this kid kept talking, when he should have been backstocking...that's when suddenly after hearing him go no and on i turned around, which caught his attention, he asks, "is that backstock or to be pushed to the floor" a really stupid question, but anyways, i replied, "yeah, backstock..which is something you probably should be doing as well" he had a cought look on his face, then was all yes sir, non smart ass like, and i continued, "don't mind ya talking, please do so if it passes the time, but at least be working while you're doing it or it'll be less chatty, more scanny"he smiled and finally pulled his LRT out and began to backstock, yeah, it wasn't even in his hand, loser. it's funny because the kid respects me as his boss, i wonder if he thinks i am, and is always asking me questions about this and that, making sure he's doing it right and can goof off with me as well. it's a fun time we have there, most of the time, i try to keep everyone in a pleasant mood. well my temperment has settled a bit, time to shower....that's all...for now...

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So ever since I got this blog it's been nothing but trouble...i mean sure it's a good way to let off some steam, fill others in about your life, vent, put up crazy tests,vent, write songs or poetry, and more venting. but every now and then you can't please everybody and someone along the lines will get mad because they didn't see their name in any of your posts. i believe this happens to everyone, i know it does to me. So this post is strictly for the girl's over in the Wagner household, bailey, autumn, and (ca)sandra. well it was only bailey and autumn who made the comment about it, so maybe i'll jut stick with them, but (ca)sandra, here you are. yeah i know your name is sandra, but whenever i say it type it, i want to add the Ca, as in Casandra, sounds soo much cooler, maybe you should really think about changing your name, i mean now it just seems as if you are come cheesy half assed version of Casandra. sandra, that's for losers...to my bailey: yeah, you're vince's sister, and i've known you since i've known vince, how crazy is that? You liked riding ponies, now you drive one. barcus wanted your ass, now he's with someone lesser than you, yeah, he coped and settled with what he could get, that's funny and sad. so to the one who seems like the odd ball out inthe family, there you go bailey, i love you. Last, but not least, well maybe, alright no, to the one i love more, haha, autumn. yeah i love her for she's a little......slow. yeah it will probably take her about 5 minutes before she realizes i just made fun of her. i don't think i have anything really cool or funny to say about her..i mean i could always go off on a sexual tangent about her name being autumn, yeah i think i could pull that off, "she let her hair fall down her naked body just like the leaves fall from the heights of their tree." or, "she quickly changed her colors from the previous non-submissive, non-loving little girl to that of a sex-crazed nympho woman who could dominate me any day of the week" yeah, that sounds about right...so there you go girls, i hope this satifies your desire, and if you bug me agian about it in a couple months, you might be in here agian...for some reason tis sounds like a teen-girl-squad sort of thing......

This Sucks......

I want my Xanga to be up...i've got plenty of posts for it, but damn it, it's not there.....so yeh everything still sucks. got rid of that plugin, then i found a worm, got rid of that, or so i think, but things are still messed up....only hours left, how sad is that. umm i'm trying to get things going, want to do laundry before i'm in the great wide open. ahh but who knows, i want the xanag up, i have had this last post in mind for awhile....and my comments come and go, just try to refresh or soemthing....

And to think......

It's quite humorous, well at least to me, that almost a year ago i made a little post on this Blog on August 16th, the third in a row for that day, and the first day of posting, and it was all about the name DAVE. I look at that post and I am brought back to a time when i could half ass write, well, at least it was better than it is now. my writing abilities have gone out of the ass and down with a flush. i wish i were able to convey my thoughts as well as i did back then, ahh the memories, but back to my point...so i hated the name dave then, now it's the name bob, and they all have one underlying link, there's only one thing that conects these two names together, like a bridge over a troubled brook. call me spiteful, call me a guy, call me human because that's the real reason, i hate when things like this happen, i'm not overly conscious on the subject, lest it be hidden from me, and i think everybody would in the same situation. i'm not looking for any input on this matter at hand, i know what's right, who's wrong, what's at fault, and who's lost. a lot of finger pointing will do you no good, those latter three statements also correspond to the three fingers pointing back at you, and for that i get a thumb's up. wow, i think i just impressed myself a bit. *good job jason* my personal gratification for the year, now i'm going to choke on my guitar, i'm writing a song with Am and Em, my favorite chords, and when together they make beautiful music of a sad, maybe angry if used correctly, but disappointing time, maybe even a love affair gone wrong...

GRRRRRRRRRR

Ok, this is really bullshit...just as i am fixing some of the problems, i'd say changing the batteries was probably the easiest, i did just buyu some AA's, but anyways, as i fix things, more problems occur. my icons now move, but my wheel scrolly thing still doesn't work. i still can't copy and paste, and now i can't use Ctrl+F to search for words on webpages. can't open up links that are on webpages, this pisses me off greatly. xanga is still down, or so on my computer. to think, it's screwing up on me in the final hours it will be on. which just means when i go to boot this baby/bitch up next time i'll be pissed because i will have forgotten all that is wrong.....why must i reformat every year? this is how i loose so much stuff on my damned computer...not much left to say.....

It's Just Getting Worse.....

oh my, i've been up only for a few hours and everything seems to be going downhill at a very rapid pace. every little thing possible is going wrong, unforessable stupid little things, but tey are all adding up......like there's this web toolbar that has somehow installed itself onto my IE broswers, it is F'ing annoying, i think it's called intelligent explorer, some plugin i know i didn't download. that also caused this stupid box to appear on my desktop as well. speaking of desktops, my icons won't move. no they aren't locked, i've tried everything, but they just won't move. my batteries in my mouse were low, the webwheel feature on my mouse wouldn't work either. these annoying ass grey pop ups are pissing me off as well. when i try to comment on zach's blog about cameras in the classroom, i'm not able to open the pop up window to comment. i tried opening a new link, or letting itself open it, nothing. oh, not to mention my archives are gone agian, haven't had that porblem in ages, along with my comments, they got together and ran amuck to mexico or some shit, sounds like something i should do. xanga is also MIA, can't visit people's sites or update my own. oh and when i tried to copy and paste a post i had, well it wouldn't let me copy nor paste anything from anywhere, i tried all te commands, keyboard, mosue, eidt tab, everything.....that angredd me as well. so i virtually lost that, well i did take a screen shot with paint, maybe that will work. oh did i forget to mention that blogger is also f'ed up, i am typing being able to see only one line, i've refreshed and reloaded this thing like 12 times. the only thing to make this day worse, is by having me live through it. it's only 10:00 am, good goff. why me, why now?

Emptiness...

It's Tuesday..I should be doing alright, should....i woke up several times last night, i had the night off and i'm used to only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night, so i'll blame it on that. but why i didn't get up at any those times is beyond me, i just didn't feel like it was right. as i sit here right now, it took a lot for me to get out of bed only minutes ago, everything seems out of place, out of mind. this is a terrible feeling, i don't know what has casued this, but imagine waking up, and nothing is as it should be. it feels as if you are missing something, you aren't in te right place you're in a different dimension almost. this is killing me...sorry, i just can't get over whatever this feeling is. i'm on the verge of breaking down...i have nobody here, and i have nothing here.what went wrong? i don't know if i can handle this, for i don't know what i'm supposed to handle. if my keyboard were higher i assure you i would be banging my head agiasnt it right now, instead i'm just pulling out my hair. today is gonig to suck, and as much as i would like to sleep it all away i know i'll just be pissed at myself for doing so. i got nothing else....

Check it Out Check it Out Check it Out Check it Out Check it Out

Ok, that's actually a quote from Bubs on homestarrunner, but i like it....though it has nothing to do with what i'm posting. this post is actually for the little green buton you see to the left hand side, above the blogger button and above the weather bitch. scenario, ever been reading blogs at work, when you're supposed to be working? well ya click on that little guy running towards the door button and magically what you are viewing transforms into something else, you can pick and choose, i went with the excel document, try it out. i think it is pretty bad ass and i just like to click it for the schneel of it when i am at my house...

Something Bad is Gonna Happen....

Ok, maybe this is just me and how my crazed conspiracy theory mind works, but here's a little story for ya..... for the past couple of days i've been getting this call on my cell phone, i thought it was weird when i read the number, but i continued to answer it anyways, i mean it was still somehow ringing. the number, 001-819, yup, that's it,. 6 digits, no area code, nothing, ringing in on my phone. so i go ahead and answer it, after picking up an automated chick comes on telling me the other party is on hold, please wait for us to connect, so i'm waiting, she's come back saying she's stil tryingto connect, then finnaly she appologizes for me waiting but wasn't able to connect, they'll try back later. i'm thinking it was some pay phone thing, somebody was trying to get ahold of me for whatever reason and it just wasn't going through. they have called at least 8 times, even today they called, i've only answered three of the times, that's when they first started coming in, and coming in all at once, now they're spread out. so now it got me thinking, the government or aliens have decided to call me because they want to abduct me or something, i have information for them, am the next anti-christ, who knows, so they cal and by putting me on hold long enough they can trace where the signal for the cell phone is going to. how messed up is that. they're using technology and my will of not answering the phone agianst me. this sucks, so if you don't see me soon, or i'm different somehow, this is why. funny thing, as i sit here and make this post, my power keeps flashing, pretty freaky.....

BOB: Big Ol Bastard!

Ok, so here is a little name game, actually name rant. I don't like the name bob, robbert, robby, bobby, whatever. Elizabeth, whatever you do, DO NOT name your child robert, i'd have to beat the crap out of him everyday for all eternity. yeah a little far but i really hate that name. I have yet to meet a nice bob, they're all jackasses. I'm talking about people with thier first name being robert, whatever they prefer to be called, if their first name is bob/robert/whatever, throw them to pile and burn like they did in auschwitz. the more i think about it, the angrier i get, i'm sorry. this doesn't go for people with the middle name of bob, i don't have any set ideals for those people, they are fine as far as i know. but by declaring your child's name to be robert, you have placed the worst curse on society, not so much the child, but anyone who comes into contact with "Bob". Robert, straight from the devil's mouth, like spitting acid from your tongue. every time i hear or say bob it makes me want to curse, but i think i already have by saying that damnable name. Ask yourself, what villainous people do you have contact with named Bob, think about them for a second and you'll understand what i'm talking about. I could present you with my list, but i won't, we pretty much know the same people....robby bryant, my father, my father's father, bob gerleiuski, robert i can't think of his last name, the list continues....it's kinda funny when you think about it, my allias of "bob johnson" would be the alter ego i hate, the evil, vengeful, bastard like person, like a jeckel and hyde sort of thing, then i suppose most people would say bob johnson is mostly present in me, haha F off. so yeah, that is all....

p.s. i don't tink this counts for famous people, though i could be wrong...

"Hallelujah!!!"

As we all know, my favorite asian tony came down last weekend to visit with me, and what a time we had. but of course because i drove he was subjected to my terms and conditions, my music and settings will stay, so F you, even the temperature is set in stone, right Jimmy C??? But i did my best to try and please him to an extent, changing cd's every now and then, i wasn't really in the mood for anything in particular which helped. but after the fair incident, i needed someting to suit the mood, it was leonard cohen. as i put the cd in i in advance appoligized for it, knowing how some people are, ignorant. so we're listening to the cd all the way down to lafayette when out of nowhere, tony says, "i like this" at first i thought he was joking, but he was very serious, he enjoyed not only the lyrics, but get this, the sound as well, haha, excellent. that's one more converted over to the "other" side, which soul will be next???

"We're getting the Band back Together...."

Yup, you heard it, we're getting the band back together, well not actually the band, we never had a band, but the band of brothers rather, the crew, the posse. yeah, we have to put aside any petty grudges and come together, we need you for this. why are we asking for this, to reminice? no, maybe a little, but we need the chemistry of the crew in order to produce real life scripts and dialouge. Zach has come across some information on a short film festival, and we want to enter. it needs to be sent it by september 12, so we really need to crunch to get this done, writting scripts filming, editing and the such. we are starting as soon as possible, if you want to be a part, just let us know. thank you.

Holy Mother of Sounds!!!!

So I was sitting at my computer, doing my thing, geting bored, trying to remember wht i wanted to blog and xanga about, yeah iu had two ideas and they are now gone..so i'm sitting here and i went to high with my mouse and my SoundBlaster Live! task bar dropped down, i looked at it for a bit, then i saw it had some options, in lies the fun. well it has these effects you can mess with to make whatever noise your computer generates, or music playing throguh winamp sound like, such as comeing out of a cave, underwater, carpeted hallway, stone room, and so forth. but the two that really caught my attention were the ones called "drugged" and "psychotic". yeah listening to songs with those effects is messed up. i was listening to angie when i started to mess with this, so natuarlly i had to play some zeppelin, he he. so now, if you ever want to listen to the music and have the effects of been stoned without the hastle of getting and paying for weed, just click the option on the taskbar and have some fun...next will be pink floyd......

The Virgin Mary....

So as I was coming home, geting out sorta early from Target, 6 or so, doing my usual route down 41 cruising at 70 i pass by the Virgin Mary, now as we all know this is my time to have my religious moment for the day. I was thinking about stopping, but passed that idea for i needed to get some sleep because asian tony was coming down today. So as i am taking my look at the statue, i notice a car off on the service road next to it, no big deal, probably just the farmers or something, until i noticed the car's front end was up in the air. In my very jason-esque manner, i did my U-turn at 231 and 41 and headed back. when i pulled up there was somebody already there, but i proceded to see if they needed help or anything. The lady handed me a card for a towing truck, so i called for one, saying they'd be there in 45 minutes, and the guy who was there before i decidd to get on with his way. It was really amazing what she did, apparently she was coming from Crown Point and wanted to visit the statue at 1am, crazy. but in the confusion of not being aboe to see te right roads, she took the serice road next to the statue, i'll admit, it is near impossible to get to the Virgin Mary at night, the entrances are not lit up and you have no idea where you're aiming for. So she has to be flying down this service road which extends straight for a good 150 feet becasue at the curve there was a huge concrete sewer drain pipe thing. she nailed that, knocking that over and under her car, propping the front end of it in the air. i say no signs of skid marks on the ravel road whatsoever. i havea pic on my xanga, it's funny. so i stayed and conversed a bit, then figured it was appropriate to the call the police, she didn't want me to so i had to sneak to my car to do so. the cop came and we waited...and waited. a little time frame for you: i arrived on the scene at 6:20, called for the tow at 6:22, cop came at 6:45, re-called for the tow at 7:00, re re called for the tow at 7:30, called for our own tow at 7:45, our tow arrives at 8:00, gets her out and i am back on the road at 8:17, yeah close to 2 hours there talking and whatnot, when i should have been sleeping.....
i'm always helping out..oh, the cop said he passed by the statue in the morning and noticed the car but thought nothing of it, then felt bad for not stopping and praised me a little. yeah i can rock at times....

Irony at It's Best....

So as I lay here, trying tot sleep admist all the cals from asian tony updating me where he is at, my mind gets on memory lane and takes off at the Bad Times exit. I tell him the sad story and to look for a certain town... It was August 1st 2001 and I was leaving Ann Arbor after a week of Freshman orientation, good times. I headded out early as I was to meet with Brooke upon my arrival back in Indiana. I was still in Michigan, but 30 miles from the boarder when my transmission fried. It wa a terrible time, actually over three hours in that damn place, from truck stop to police station. why it took my parents three hours to go about an hour's worth of trip is beyond me, and the ride home was another two. so all in all the day was completly blown, but here's what i want to point out....since yesterday was an "anniversery" if you will, it seems too ironic that my point can be made twice. So here it my point, brooke was supposed to come over and visit with me or something of the sorts, well she never came over, never called, nothing, I was totally left in the dark..speed ahead a couple years to yesterday. actually the night prior, i called brooke on my way to target, she commentedhow she worked til 4 on that day of the first. well i tried my damndest to get ahold of her yesterday, never did, she never got ahold of me either. I come to find out from her sister she left the phone at home and spent the night with her friend. yeah...i really hate the end of july..at least my other curse didn't happen...yet....