OG Bowling...
a Tuesday Night Thing...

an act of socialness sparked on by...

So I worked a double at the OG today, yeah, no biggie, it was my second in a row..and my last day off was last Monday..whatever..I can handle it...so I'm working the night, and Leah comes in, so to be a nice person I go over to her table and say hello, that is when I remember she's still here..and she automatically asks me, "are you down for some bowling tonight"..are you kidding me..of course I am....

so after that point my night had a purpose, I went around trying to gather the masses and inform them of the glorious events that we would be partaking tonight..

besides doing that the night was a little slow..my favorite table of the night were these two girls..and the story goes, they walk in the door and Amanda tells Shera to go to either Cassidy or Tina with them..after I just got done telling them I had two tables open..and they were girls..so I mumbled something of the sorts to Amanda and then she blurts out..oh wait no..go to Jason....like that wasn't obvious..whatever..I waited on the girls, it was delightful..but then one of them found a piece of plastic in shrimp alfredo and I had to get a manager to comp her half of the meal...the funny part was when the manager tom came back to me saying he had a hard time trying to look them in the eyes..haha, yeah..anyways, when it came down to it, they both left me ten bucks for my tip..so I made twenty dollars on one table..whose bill ended up being twenty-two..it was sadly the first double digit tip of the evening....

so I walked out making the same amount I made at lunch, both times just slightly above what I project to make, and just slightly shy of what I aim for..what I was making last week..so I get home after racing Darrell, change clothes, and then go to pick up Mindy and her roommate Jen to go bowling...

after a loooong wait for Mindy to get ready (which I didn't understand because she was just out prior to that with Jen and her brother out to eat at Bdubs..) we finally get going and make it to suburban lanes..walk in the door and instantly I got my two cups of beer ( I'd hate to use the term double-fisting...especially right after mentioning two girls names..but yeah,. that would have been funnier...) another funny thing was we actually saw Mindy's brother and his friend at the bowling alley as well..huh, small town.. so we wait just a little bit for one of the games to end and then we get in...

I had a good time, I got my strike for Jim like he asked...but right around that beer frame I knew I was definitely feeling it...just as I started to get the groove of it all, it just as quickly diminished into alcohol...so after our game was finished and the lane we had next to ours was finished we all decided to go back to *creepy* Steve's..

and there is when drunk Mindy and I laid on the floor and talked...and it wasn't good talks...and of course I asked can we go home now..and lucky for me it wasn't too long after that everybody started peacing out anyhow...

so I drove Mindy and Jen back to their place *note, I realized I shouldn't have been driving when I got to a light downtown, stopped, and was looking ahead at all the other streetlights and they were everso lightly swaying and bouncing around...but whatever, I know how to drive in most conditions, especially in my car..it's the one thing..

so we get to her place, and I let them out and of course I just want to go home now, I mentioned earlier how we weren't going to the same places tonight..hell, the start of the evening as I picked them up I said that..funny how things can turn out to be..almost right. well I wanted to...but she wanted me to stay..and I figured we could possible talk some more, or get something accomplished..figure out why she wants me to stay after saying all those things earlier...

whatever..no talks were ever made..confusion still has ransacked my mind, and I have nowhere else to go...but at the same time I kinda do..











"you know you're drunk when you're throwing gutter balls..."

Again.
It's what you want

something short and sweet, unlike my day..

so what did I do all day..work..yeah, I worked right through my spilt..Matt and I rocked out all day and part of the night, we had a good time, but then night came..and it got busy, but you would never know from my section...for whatever reason I had tables open several times throughout the night..and the best was when Mindy was getting swamped with her large tables, and she was recalling all the shit for her three tables and then I walked up and went, look at this, swiped my card to recall my tables and it read, no tables are open for this operator..she was like, are you kidding me? it was great..

and I refused to run any food, we had three people doing "Hot Food Go" shifts, so there should have been no reason for anyone else to run food, but constantly ther was food piled up on the line..it was retarded...

I worked through because I was originally a split, and when I was cut at 2 I had only $35..by 4:00, the time I was supposed to get back on I probably was up to $50...and by the time I walked out at 10 tonight I had $130 in my hand.. how I made that much more in that time with hardly being sat is beyond me, but whatever I'll take it...

and now, to get some rest and do it all again tomorrow....













"wait..I have to draw you.."

Simple As This..
short.

All I know is I worked one shift tonight, not a closer but had the last two tables, was the last out at 1045 and brought home hundred and one dollars...turning down all offers to go out and turning in the sheets..













"got stains on my T-shirt, and I'm the biggest flirt..."

Bowling?
free?.

and dollar beer..are you kidding me?

honestly, what better way to end a a whole day of working than bowling when your feet hurt, and drinking til you're tipsy and have to be at work at 11am the next day..awesome I know. anyways, work was fun, not really..I came in at 10:45 and work til close, then come back at 5 and work til close..and the best part was, I wasn't considered a split..awesome, so I had to work til close both times..whatever.

So I get there, late, whatever, there's now construction going on the route I usually take to work..yeah, the road is closed til July or so. so yeah, I get

Funk that Sauce...
and funk everything else...

ughhh, people...people are .... selfish.

Alright, so how did things go last night? I'll tell you how, fucking retard...it started out with a call, must have been 2 or something, whatever the case I was already laying down and just passed out..so the call; it was supposed to be one of those "serious talks", and I had already thrown in the towel for the day, but I went along with it..luckily for me the phone absolutely sucked balls..whatever the reception we had going on it was horrible..I could only make out every fourth word, everything else was really quiet and muddled..so the conversation had to end, I was tired and tired of trying to strain my ears to piece together some illogical argument for her being two-faced..or something

so I tried to play the good role and said that the conversation was going to end simply because we can't hear each other and this is getting stupid, so we can end it now and go to sleep, or if you want you can come over and we can finish this....well I wasn't really expecting her to come over, I mean she was already in bed, or so she said...and I certainly wasn't going anywhere..last time this happened I went ot her...plus I was already sleeping, so yeah..

so she came over...and we almost went to sleep without ever talking about anything...then we did...and it didn't end..we just talked, no resolution..no good...but we both went to sleep and I went to work in the morning...

I got cut early, after my second table, but I stayed because I wanted more tables, and money..I worked through my split and then mindy got on..all was well for the better half..and then something came up and I started talking about my "poll" to some of the co-workers..and though they saw both sides of the argument, they agreed I was in the right to feel the way I did. so in passing I randomly said that I had tree more people of my audience who agreed with me...and that's when things got shitty...

she asked a mutual friend, and of course they sided with her, and then we argued about it..I tried explaining that they were seeing it from a paper-standpoint..in theory, on paper, there shouldn't be a problem here...but this is reality and communism doesn't work..other factors are involved..apparently everyone on the other side fail to see that...

whatever, so I got cut, we tried to talk some more, and then she starting getting upset, almost crying at work? yeah whatever..so I left, went home, ate a bowl of cereal and passed out..I'm doing my laundry, I just took a shower and I received a call from her just bit ago....

ok, to piss me off for starters, she asked if I was going to Upland..look, I don't like people, I don't like large groups, I don't like bars..I've done it before to give it a shot, but I could care less for it..don't fucking bother me with your stupid meeting of the masses bullshit...and then she asked if we were going to talk later tonight..and frankly I don't are..I told her that..whatever, I don't care..she didn't like...

so now I am wondering just how does one go about telling someone, who is genuinely nice, to fuck off and die in so many words..to tell them to get out of your life, you don't want to speak to them again, you don't care to see them again, in passing you may nod, but that's it, their existence is null and void to you..they are completely inconsequential and you want to go on living as if they are not...without being a complete dick?

I fear a call or visitation tonight.....













"whatever : oh gee, that's a good attitude to have towards this : ohok - wait, did you notice the change in the tone in my voice, no, cuz there was none, cuz I really don't care"

Awkward Moments..
just normal in an awkward life....

what a fucked up day..if we never questioned things, things would be a lot simpler...

so the day started off as they all seem to..not really wanting to get up, get up early that is, and pushing it til the I hear the sound of money in my ears...I didn't get to go to any of the garage sales like I had "planned" on doing..but then again I kinda got to a late end the night prior by jabbering endlessly on these keys...anyways, I got to work..

I had four tables all day, I was cut at 1 so that does make a a difference, but I was one table sort of making a straight..the bills ranged in the twenty dollar area, and my tips were as follows: 2.oo, 3.08, 4.00, and 5.00..had I got one more table and they left me a one or a six, I would have had one hell of a hand...almost all suited too, had it not been for that .08...

so I was cut, drove past the yardsale that was supposed to be phenomenal, but it wasn't, and went home...pieced together the rest of the tent and that's when shit went south...

I called Mindy like she asked or whatever..and during our little conversation she asked if I was coming to the parties with her tonight..I probably would have, but there was something lingering on my mind that didn't settle right with me...I played dumb and was just making remarks about the party she was invited to, by random guys...well I got her to say she gave the guys her number..and that's what set off a moment of retardedness...

of course if you know the situation very well, then you might be able to deduct what my problem is...whatever....basically I don't like bitches I be fucking to give their digits out to random fucking frat boys who are throwing a party..especially when you're intoxicated...

of course people have different opinions on the reasoning behind a party; but it all depends on what type of party we be talking about here as well....one of those typical "college" parties, you know, the kind where there are kegs..and a lot of people..those are to hook up wit someone...now the parties I used to throw on Wednesday nights, those were never "parties" in the typical sense, henceforth why I called them social gatherings.."hooking" up wasn't a priority, just hanging out in a relaxed setting was the main goal..except for when we got down and dirty on the dance floor..it was about that too...

but as for most of the other parties thrown in Bloomington, and elsewhere for that matter, the purpose is getting some. those who host the party want to invite as many girls as possible, to better their odds that the one bitch who gets belligerent;y drunk and fucks anything will come to their party..they got to better their odds..and those attending the party..well the guys are trying to get to that girl before the hosts..and the girls...well I used to have an opinion on this, but from the girls I have spoken to, they all seem to think that going to parties is a fun event...they don't think about hooking up...I'd call them liars, but I don't want to make that statement yet...most girls are sluts, so they also want a hook up, whether it be a one night stand, or actually find a guy to date, they want something...

and there you have it....I have no problem with my girls being social, I have no worries from them...it's guys I worry about....I fucking hate and can't trust guys..I know their motives, their rationale, what they want...but I respect my broads freedom and allow them to go out without my supervision..and in this most recent case, it's because I trust them..I know they won't try anything with someone, no matter how hard the guy is pressing...but then with this random number giving out..it blow the door of trust right out the window...

I don't care who you are...if you are going to get upset because I talked on the phone to a female co-worker I said was cute, or because I went on a pretend date with a co-worker to a steakplace that we have had planned for a long time...get upset over that, knowing we aren't dating exclusively, but still get upset...and then you give out your number, while drunk, to some random fuck on the streets who was talking to you, inviting you to a party, with the intent of getting into your pants..and then wonder why I am taken aback by it all and won't go to the party with you...ughhh..fuuuuuck you.

so we tried to talk it over, but I told her I don't do serious conversations mid-day..that's just stupid...in my mind you go through your normal daily process, you let the gears go in motion, your habitual patterns go on..then the night comes, your mind is now free from the mundane shit and it cane do whatever it wants...then is when you talk about anything and everything...don't ruin your day with stupid shit...wait til it's all over, keep it bottled up, process it in your mind, get your thoughts ready, then let them loose under the moon..

so we left it at that..we both went to work later that day and she told me not to make things awkward at work..excuse me, umm, is my name Jason Angus..and is this not my life..oh right, every situation ever has been awkward, that's just how it is...you can't change that...so at work I was able to actually make eye contact..though I jokingly gave her evil glares, my only response, I had nothing else..and random mean comments..like when she told me, "for the record I did invite you to the parties tonight" I respond with" for the record I did tell you to fuck off and die"..and then she goes into well I was serious about mine..where I retort with me too....

yeah that's how things were...she tipped me out and said goodbye..I just looked..took a moment and then said goodbye..and that was that, no "call me" or anything of that nature..very interesting...oh, and this I believe is my very last official bussing shift? I looked at next week's schedule and under busser I am no longer listed..kinda scares me, kinda makes me happy...

so yeah...that's all for now...time for bed and do it all again tomorrow....













"Get out of my way..and get out of my life"

Fire Before the Flood..
or is it smoke before fire?

well, nothing to start off your day than waking up at 6am with your back completely wet, you delirious, and wanting more sleep...

so yeah, that was basically the sum of the events of my day...and it happened within the wee hours of the morn. I don't know what woke me up, but I definitely noticed the wet side of my boxers first..it wasn't until I rolled around and finally got out of the tent did I realize my back was soaked as well...I felt around in the tent, trying to gather what was going on..and why was the wetness in one spot..for a moment I actually thought I pissed myself silly in the middle of the night..but it wasn't, I even check for a smell..nothing.

I tried to walk around the tent, to the back, but lord knows no light gets in there...then I managed to stumble up the stairs and take a piss...Jim was there, all I remember was a red blur and he was happy...I got back to the tent, stripped down, and fell asleep...

went to work, as a server..had only three tables, but made twenty-nine dollars..I took an eight top by myself - shhhhhh. so work was lame, I was there til 1 or so, then I got cut...made it home round 2, and decided to take initiative on the tent situation...it wasn't until I tore the basement and room/tent apart that I realized something...the tent is waterproof..and the tent sits on a tarp..on top the ground..and even if water were to get on top of the tarp somehow, it wouldn't affect a thing...the entire tent is waterproof, especially the bottom - I mean hell, it's supposed to sit on the ground for crying out loud.

so that's when I realized, if the bottom, or floor, or the tent is waterproof, in the traditional sense you would think of it keeping water out...BUT, if water were to get inside the tent, the floor would act in the same manner..keeping water from escaping..which then reminded me of the other night a cup of water getting spilled in the tent..I didn't see how much water was in the cup, figured the blankets would soak it up..but nope, that didn't seem to be the case...granted that was awhile ago, it's my only justifiable allegation...

why did the water stay in there so long - and why didn't I notice it sooner...well second question first..I hardly ever stay the night at the house anymore, so staying in the tent just isn't that common place any more..and as for water staying so long - I give reason because it's a basement..there is no breeze, no draft, no airflow...that coupled with the fact that it's in an even smaller enclosed area, the tent, which would block out any sun/wind/whatever..and the heating blankets are off..so yeah...

as for the rest of my day, I made it through half of cleaning and re-organizing the basement..well greater than half, I'm just letting everything air out, then I throw all the blankets and whathave you back in the tent..and we are set to jet....

but in between washing and moving things I did some crazy things as well..first off I started to reorganize the living room and dining room..wasn't that difficult, just some shit out of place that made it look really bad..and then I swept, and good god did it need it..you can totally tell a difference from before and now..from the huge piles just from the two rooms I can tell it has been a long time since it has been done, probably since the last time I did it...and then I did a load of dishes..and put them away...I don't know what got into me...but let me just say for the record..as soon as I started going, things people have been getting away with started to piss me off again...like the whole dishes in the sink thing...look, we have a dishwasher, it's there to wash the dishes..you claim to wash and reuse those dishes, but as for wash...no, I won't touch that stuff sitting there until it goes through the dishwasher..and as for reuse, hunny, then why do you have like seven forks and three cups in there..obviously we don't know the meaning of the word, reuse...

but whatever..Mindy helped and since I told her if she was nice I may actually be sociable and hang out with a group of people for the evening..I had to make a stop at target and tidy up some ends before I headed over..she cooked diner and all was well...well, except for a phone call I made., and that of course is my fault.

I called Vince to get some specifications on apartments/houses for this upcoming august (or maybe sooner) he said the closer to campus the better, naturally. and I reminded him of the cost factor increasing the closer you get to actual campus...it didn't hit me then, maybe an hour or so later, right at the end of dinner, but it hit me, my problems of the past, my problems before with living on my own, and ties the restrain me from moving on...and so what seemed to be a promising night of non-antisocialness, turned into the contemplative quiet Jason night..

whatever...so now since my room is "under-construction" I will be spending yet another night at Mindy's...











"the trouble I have is, I can't officially make my island because I'd need the help of another"

OG After Hours...
the bar crawl...

because when you're here, you're trashed....

nothing

wine tasting

grill

Bahama McBreezey
a quickly long day...

so two things happened that took all day long, and it really shouldn't have...

ok, so I worked in the morning, I wasn't a closer so I figured I'd be cut by 2, and I was cut at exactly 2 - and at that time one of my tables was getting up, the other two had their food, so we were good...there was a plan to go to Bahama Breeze and I was hoping to make it as well..

work went very well..even though I had only six or seven tables I still made forty bucks in the almost three hours I was there..and I even had one guy, my second to last table, tell the hosts as he left that I was the reason he was going to come back - you see, you got really pissed off at me when I brought him his tea, and it wasn't sweetened, and I told him sugars are on the table....well he is from the south..South Carolina that is, and there the tea is sweetened..he was about ready to walk out on me at that point but his girlfriend restrained him. so after that gloriousness my day at the OG was over...

I went home, changed everso quickly and headed off to Lauren's where I met up with Lauren and Mindy; I was joining them for lunch..and that's where the long-windedness came into to play...the drive took forever - and nobody had any idea how to get there...I had my employee paystub so I had that part covered, somebody should have ad the directions, especially since it was their idea...whatever

we drive through all of Indy getting there - god I hate Indy - but luckily we made it there, I think 2 hours later then when we left...Bahama Breeze is a little bit different, they had a huge drink list, which of I only tried three drinks. the food was alright, yeah it was good..about the same pricing as OG, just a tad more expensive since you have to add on a salad or soup to your meal..all in all it was good..oh yeah, the bathrooms are amazing, no joke...

so we left, I was a little intoxicated from my drinks..of course I went to the bathroom as we were leaving and when I got out nobody was around so I had to try and find my way to the doors..and ended up walking through the actual bar and line...I was so confused..the ride home consisted of my being belligerent for the first 20 minutes, then passing out for the next two hours, yes it took us another two hours to get back because they got lost again...just because it says exit 37, doesn't mean it is highway 37...whatever,

we got back, Mindy took me home, later we to the grocery store to buy ice-cream, which was the intent of the trip but we bought a lot more than that..and you know what, I never did eat that ice-cream...oh, and I still have no idea where my car is...












"Why don't you go run out in front of that car with your pants down like that" - "I can't, my lane ends..."

Better Mood...
Not going anywhere....

so I had lifted spirits for the better half of the day, til my last table...

I didn't get much sleep last night, what with the staying up and watching About Schmidt - by the way, awesome movie..I couldn't have picked a more timely movie..I cried - and all the drunk dials I was receiving, not to mention getting annoyed with nonsensical talks at 5am..whatever..I woke up, not wanting to get up, but I did..got to work and just started to rock it..and rock out...

for whatever reason waiting on people puts me into some weird mood..but a better one..dealing with people's stupidity, their bullshit, their shortness, the attitude..whatever, I like it. so I stayed to close for Cassidy, we love to hate one another, it's fun, and then Jake paid me to take a table..funny thing about that table...it ended up being my last, even though it shouldn't have been, they should have been out before the others..let me explain...well they were a nice old couple, and I thought there wasn't going to be a problem..then the ticket got lost..so I kept checking in on them, but they didn't have food, and I kept saying, it should be up any moment..then I find out the ticket is nowhere to be found..so they got their food, then they order dessert...I drop the check later and as I pick it up, the bill for 31.27 had a twenty, a ten, and twenty-seven cents...the stiffed me not only a tip, but a dollar as well..stunned by this I didn't react too quickly, but LuLu told me I should chase them down, so I run out of the restaurant only to not find them...

so I could be a non-cynic and say they meant that 10 to be a twenty and leave me a good tip..but whatever..it ruined me and I left not happy..I didn't make anything for tips anyways, but whatever. I went home on that note and passed out....I was rudely awakened by a phone call, they didn't leave a message and I didn't recognize the number..so I unnaturally got up...I haven't done much of anything since..and that was 8..and my day is now officially over..I'll see what's on the docket for later...goodnight.













"I hate stupid people - because they suck; they fucking suck;they fucking suck my balls!!!"

Recovering...
from stupid things...

Yesterday was by far the worst, and only horrible, Friday the Thirteenth I've ever had..what's the fuck?

Work was completely stupid..I didn't want to be there...it wasn't busy at all, and there were four other bussers working that night as well..yay....so then towards the end of the night my foot starts killing me - it started getting bothersome towards the very end of the long walks in Chicago, but quickly went away as I got into the car and drove off...But tonight, pain..pain..I was literally walking around with a gimp - it was like I was doing a Tom impersonation..anyways, I asked Damion to let me leave before him, he was next in line, then it was my turn, the second to last to leave..I explained how I very rarely ask for favors and it's usually I who ends up staying for others..I also said this would be fair game since I have now had to stay longer for him on two separate occasions because he's a fucking spaz...well, you know what he said, no...because Friday nights were the only time he gets to spend with his wife...I instantly got pissed and made the announcement, from that day on - when I'm serving and he's bussing, I will not tip him out..and if he makes it to be a server, I will not help him out in an way shape or form, let alone take a table with him.

seems a little abrupt, but that's how I am starting to be..more and more jaded. all too often I have let things go on and on..people constantly taking advantage of me and my niceness - yes it's there..I can't say no to a sad/lame story. so three strikes, he's out..and I don't care how "good" of a busser he is..fuck off...I'm tired of people not paying me back for things I've done for them.....

so I came home, after 11, and just wanted to be alone...tired of people, tired of the house, roommates, people I work with, everyone..I haven't had good Jason alone time in a looong time..so I went home..started to clean to cleanse my mind, organized papers, mindnumbing tasks to put me at ease....after an hour or so passed I made my "check in" call to Mindy - well that's what I call it, but it's just a nightly thing either of us does when we get off our shifts..so to make her think nothing was up I broke my silence and made a call..she was over at a friend's house and wanted me to come over..they were all hanging out, drinking, and "watching" TV/movies - I say watching in light because it's on, and nobody is paying attention. I told her I didn't feel like being around other people...but she just couldn't get..and that's what set things off...

I tried to explain it for a little bit, but to no avail, she didn't want to beg, but whatever..so an hour later she has Kurtis call me, and I explain to him how I didn't want to go out..and he said there were people there who would lie my company, but yet again I tried explaining that my company in the current mood I was in would not be wanted. I'm not one to surround myself with people who want to see you to make me happy..I'll go to my cave and be just as happy, if not happier...

so then mindy gets on the phone, and we talk..and I try to make her understand..and we stayed on the phone for a couple hours, including her getting emotional, hanging up the phone with me randomly, and a bunch of other shit...I thought Brooke and I weren't together....well, it wasn't that extreme...anyways, it came out that I could have came over to the friend's place and took her home since she didn't have her car..but that was never said, she kept saying originally come over and play with us..not, well, if you don't want to hang out, come over, stay for two minutes, then take me home..because I can grant an exception to her (and a few others) where if I am in my "fuck the world" stage, I'll actually grant your presence...but I'm not going to say it will be good for me, if anything it will hinder the process seeings how there is still someone around when I actually want none..but whatever, it's fine...

and of course she argues that she didn't want to say that because if I didn't want to come out of my house to go to a party, why would I want to go out of my house to take someone home...I tried to explain saying I never like to leave the house..but there are different situations..to leave the house to go to a party, not going to happen..to go out of my house to help a friend or do a favor, more acceptable...

it just was really stupid..and she was drunk..and I was getting annoyed...whatever..lost my thought now that I got interrupted..good day












"Hmmmm, not so much?"

Like Children....
.I can't leave them on their own....

my fucking roommates of course, who else would we be talking about....

so I get back this morning around 4ish, gone for a couple days, and we have a reply of hat happened a week ago... whatever..anyways, I get in, of course the place is trashed as normal, maybe moreso than normal, but I whatever...I just want to go to sleep..well I get downstairs and a smell hits me..a very familiar, unwanted smell..no, it was incense, that would have been something better. no, I was a moldy mildew-y smell...I know it's a basement, but I have grown accustomed to the "normal" basement funk...this was far worse, probably only heightened to my senses, but none-the-less. I get down and my foot squishes - I am not happy. the rug I had down was completely soaked..I knew this wasn't caused by any sort of rain, I know the water pattern..and just to make sure, I checked in areas that would regularly have water flow, they turned up dry as a bone...

so what happened - other than people being complete retards - they flooded the basement doing the laundry. I know that sounds a little preposterous, but bear with me. it has been occurring that when a heavy/large/super load is put in the washing machine, water tends to seep out of somewhere from behind the washer. this has only happened on the big loads, and only the few times we tested it. see the problem is, people over fill for the heavy loads, breaching the rim, and thus as water is poured in, it has nowhere to travel but sideways...

so that's my guess as to what happened, but the rest is pure right on negligence. the fuck did not do a thing to help the water flow or stop the water, nor did they try to clean it up. the rug sat there, soaked, for an extended period of time..water still saturating the area surrounding it, clothes that were on the rug completely soaked and ruined - now overpowered by the smell of moldy mildew - and papers, amoung other things, completely drenched and ruined as well.

so today after waking up and a quick stop made at work to discuss my test results, I came back here, to this fucking hole, and cleaned up someone else's mess they left in my room..oh, and if you are thinking, well maybe they never noticed it, maybe because they haven't picked up their laundry, well think again...they slyly took away and removed all articles that were being washed, so that I would have no idea who caused this mess...

so here I am, angry, pissed, letting the ground dry, washing my clothes now..and posting up notes throughout the entire basement like these people are either A - retarded or B- just fucking ignorant...in any case they really need to be strangled with piano wire...













"No admittance without calling ahead - NO exceptions!"

Late Starts and Long Days...
Chicago Part 2

A Killer Kinda Day...
you too should have been there....

I've had my face rocked off before, but this was...about one under par..under? but I meant better....

So of course the day got off to a late start, mindy and I both slept in, me partly because I couldn't figured out the math in my head of when was the latest I needed to get going by and so forth..whatever, we get up..get delayed waiting for a car exchange, and get on the road..it's now close to three and I know in my head, if we drive straight through, we will get there in time for the concert..

so we drove, I'm still trying to get a hold of Dave because he is supposed to buy the last ticket off of me..and hasn't told me otherwise..so I got this ticket here for him..and he's not returning my texts, or im's, or calls..but whatever..maybe he's in anti-social mode..maybe he's just a douche-rocket...Definitely the latter....

so as I am trying to reach Dave, I am now thinking who can I sell this ticket to for any bit of money...and before any thought process begins, Brooke get s a hold of me and wants a ticket..I'd say perfect timing..if it were perfect..I tell her I'll let her know what the deal was and tried to get Dave a couple more times..finally I broke down and told Brooke I had an extra ticket for her..

we get to Chicago, driving around in circles looking for a place to park then we come up on an intersection with a cop on every corner..I ask Mindy if she still has her belt on - she was moving around before and took it off..well we get to the stop and all of a sudden there's a knock on the passenger window..we roll it down and the cop looks and says, "ok, you're being safe" - because Mindy removed only the top half of the belt, she still had the bottom half remaining, that's what saved her ass from getting a ticket...then the cop mentioned how I had a "Fuzz-Buster" and I started to take off..I didn't want ot deal with that...so we drove and I found an awesome spot, it was like this forgotten, how do you get there sort of place..it was right on the corner of rancid St..but on the opposite side of this campus area, so it was blocked off..I don't know, it was really cool to me..whatever...

so we walk up to the Riv, Brooke is waiting, she hugs me, we go inside, get frisked, and make our way to the stage..yeah, talk about hipsters as far as the eye could see..Jesus Christ, I'm surprised we all didn't lose our cred since more than 5 people were in one public place...

anyways, the concert was awesome - at the beginning we had a debate as to what song would be their opener and what would be their encore..I try to guess encore, but I got that wrong, but I got the opener right - Midnight Show..and as for the encore, it was Jenny and all the things I've done...so I was fucking pleased as cake..

during the show I was looking around into the balcony seating, something you would see for an opera - if you've been to the Riv you know what I'm talking about - and to my left was none-other than John Malkovich! yeah, that was totally cool...oh yeah, and to my left was U2...I could care less about Bono and U2, but I still thought it was pretty cool to see them go to another artists concert..unless they are trying to steal the lime-light, then they can fucking die..well they are U2 so they can do that anyways..whatever....

after the concert we tried to find somewhere to eat, but the pizza place was closed and we settled for Clark's..after that we headed back to the hotel..which was quite the luxury of sorts...I got to watch TV on vacation!!!













"god, the people in room 114 hate us...."

Closing the Post Office...

What a Waste...
honestly..

So another day, another nothing at all...no surprises there...

So what an incredibly lame day it was today...I woke up..and here's the thing..I don't like waking up next to people, yet it is so comforting at the same time. I like it for the fact it meant you weren't lonely last night, when you had that bad dream there were there to comfort you...but the paradigm behind the next part is you wake up with someone...you want it to be that way forever, not a care in the world, just laying next to a warm body. I don't like to be tied down to someone, yeah sure I want to lay there and all, but dude, I got things to do..I got my own plans...my writing has hindered for that very reason. and of course you try to sneak out of bed, but they catch on, they always do...

so whatever, I got off to a great start..didn't study the night before, didn't study this afternoon...didn't go in 2 hours before my "shift" to take the tests...but then I checked my schedule..oh right, I have one day this week...what the shit? anyways, so I got into a-nondescribable state, slightly irked over the fact they took my cram=packed schedule away, and also a little sad..how am I ever going to pay my bills...

so mindy left for work, I came back to the house and started studying...got my mail, happy because two of the three things I wanted came in..and then took a nap..woke up, didn't want to go in for my tests, so I prolonged that as much as possible..finally went in at 8ish..and sat there, trying to fill out three tests...well I got the two longest and hardest tests completed by 10...I could have got the beverage test done as well, but I stopped, called it a night and said I'd be back tomorrow, we'll see..

I hung around for a little bit, then took Will home, got back here, played BTTF on NES, but the controller sucked so I couldn't make it very far in the game...and now I'm here..Mindy will be over shortly, we'll watch a movie or something and yeah, that's a day...













If you ignore the bad, how do you know what's good?

Mother's Day???
..what's a mother?

Haha, ohhh god, I crack my shit up....

anyways, today was mother's day. I called my grandmother, sent messages for others to tell their mother's I said what's up..I didn't get to make any weird and uncomfortable phone calls to mother's who weren't my own..but the day wasn't a complete waste, I was supposed to work at night. I decided to go in half an hour early to take my beverage test..but as son as I got there they put me on the floor. I had a three table section with nobody watching me...which isn't supposed to happen for a week..

Ball Bounces in My Favor...
..and i'm still pissed

it's because i'm so passionate about the priniple of it...and not a hypocrite!

So i honetly don't get it...whatever, this should be a fun post...work, lame...server in the morning..i was reversed followed by Char, which i know cramped her style seeings how she only had one table to get sat all day. i am sure should would have liked to have cash in hand for the weekend. i got off work, Kyle wanted me to take thes tests, but I was on my break, wanting food, and had to go back to the house for my busser uniform.

05/05/05
how cool is that???

yeah, that date is awesome, and fuck those wetbacks...

so what a fucked up day...so I made it to Bloomington at 6, in bed by 6, like I said I would be...getting up only hours later to be at work at 1045...but that never happened. I woke up with all intentions to go, don't get me wrong, but I physically couldn't. aside from the nauseous feeling, my nose was stuffy as hell, my eyes gunkified, and my voice now completely gone. I called into work and nobody recognized me, and had to ask several times just to be sure..my manager even chuckled as he said, "you may want to get that checked out"

so I slept the rest of the day...again, this is all I do, sleep and work...woke up..got ready, my voice half-way there, still feeling like ass though. Mindy drove me to work, they figured my place to be following Nina, so I did that for half the night, then for the second half she did nothing, gave me her swipee card, and took the last four tables. it was easy enough, even with my voice trying to regain itself...and at the end Nina actually gave me some of the tip money, so I was happy. the night was long though, my table was the last to leave, and I wasn't a closer, nor was Nina..and I don't think anyone got cut til we locked the doors, very strange.

after work we made a pit stop for Amber, we exchanged "presents" which was awesome..then Mindy and I wanted food so we went to Kroger and bought some random snacks and a deep dish pizza. got back to her place, we cooked the pizza, searched for movies forever, but eventually found them and decided on Mystic River..I think we made it a little past half-way through the movie before Mindy asked if we could stop because she was falling asleep...all too often this girl gets comfortable and can't finish a movie...

and thus was my day..though I cannot stress enough over the fact that my voice was completely gone..I sounded like grandma whispering...there was nothing..it was all too crazy. and so in honor of Cinco De Mayo, grab yourself a Corona and some tequila, and call me in the morning?













Words like violence, enjoy the silence...

X-Day...
and other random events...

Exes, operas, feeling good, cutting it close, and losing your voice..just a few of my favorite things.

So the morning started off with me waking up after getting virtually no sleep. I had to be at work by 1045, but questioned whether or not I was really supposed to go in..they goofed on my schedule putting me down as a server, yet I haven't completed all the training...so I get to work, at first I was on my own, then Kyle realized I needed to do a reverse follow for the morning. so then they moved my section and Chantel was supposed to follow me.

that went all fine and dandy...I served a couple tables, all two tops, in the three hours I was there. when I walked into this morning though, I asked the hosts if at all possible try to get rid of me the quickest, explaining how I had a four hour drive ahead...I was shotting to be cut no later than 2, that was really my breaking point, anything after that time would be in the red zone...well I got cut and was out the doors by 215...

I rushed home, changed clothes for the most part, and headed out. I had amber check the weather for Chicago while I was hustling about - I can never legitimately get weather forecasts in a timely manner. current Chicago weather was 54...and current Bloomington weather was 68..confusing...but I accepted it.

the drive was fun. NEVER take exit 193 if you ever need gas..it's hell. I hate that BP with so much passion it's retarded...yet somehow I always forget what exit I shouldn't go to, and end up going to that one...the pumps take forever and the prices are 20 cents more expensive than anything around them.not to mention the staff that works there are a bunch of inbred incompetent hillbillies..oh, and none of my cards ever works there either...

so I drove, noticed while singing a couple Zeppelin songs that my voice wasn't full, I was missing minor transitions and a few high notes were passed over...but I thought nothing of it..just trying to get over the sickness I figured...

made a quick stop to see my grandparents..got my mail, the important thing still has yet to come. my grandparents flipped out about my hair, as I knew they would..and when I tried to hug my grandma, she looked dead - more frail and brittle then ever before. and then she showed me her scar from

Angry...
Fuck...

I think I'm more pissed than a tubesock on groundhog's day...

God, I'm getting so fucking irate it's retarded. honestly there's nothing I can do about any of all this, and it's just a vicious cycle. if I get pissed at work, there's nothing for me to do, I'm not gonna say anything to anyone, I'll just bite my tongue because honestly, who wants that type of employee, right? so I'm stuck there, inevitably for the next couple hours..I leave there..go hang out with people from work or something queer like that, but as the number increases I just get irritated. I'm all about one on one outings. hanging out with a large group of people is just like broken glass in the road.

so I'll eventually leave wherever I am at, generally not trying to cause a scene, make my exodus so blatantly obvious, and go back to 412....and that in itself is just fucking the end of the god forsaken road. Here we have housed two evils within one. Members of the house who are not only members of the house, but of Fuckslot. As if the tensions haven't been rising between fuckslot and myself, be it from disorganizing my room, playing while I'm sleeping, or just the horrible sounds they've been pumping out as of late, they up and decide to get a new "photographer" to boot. you know I should have picked up on some hints given from them...you know, them not giving a fuck about me, not caring to tell me about any of the upcoming shows for me to attend, whatever fuckers. and the best part of this is something that I've been asking for a long time. apparently they signed some shitass contract or something with this guy, and he explicitly said his name must be on every photo they put up on the web....well Jesus Christ, it was back in JULY I asked them to do that..which is right about the time they started uploading my pictures as well..

huh, fuck them, they can all burn in a fiery car accident orgy of death on their way to some show for all I fucking car...smash their vehicles right into each other and be impaled with their own fucking equipment as it flies through the goddamned window..and I wonder if this guy got paid..probably, seeings how F-slot said they would give me some money for all the trouble of taking pictures, paying to get into shows, buying film, developing it etc...well that was back in august...awesome...

and those same fuckers who don the name coinslot also live here..more awesomness let me tell you. you know, I stopped caring a long time ago..if anyone hasn't noticed, well those filthy fucks probably not, but people I invite over, they know what's up, that's for damn sure. as for cleanliness..I'd rather lick a public toilet seat than walk through this pen. I try to close my eyes whenever I walk inb the doors, run down through the house, down the stairs, and into my room where I know it will be safe...I'm glad as fuck these people love to compromise..oh wait, I mean do absolutely fucking nothing..people still bleed on the toilet seat and don't clean it up, toilet paper rolls don't get changed, not to mention the mess of random shit they call a medicine cabinet...and I don't care how it looks on the inside, it's all the shit they leave on the bottom shelves and everywhere else...I guess I'm too close to retail when I say, "everything has a home" (and let me just state for the record, this is far from my home..)((and yes, I'd rather be living out of my car in the middle of January than have to suffer the agony of being here..))(((yes, I do now know what hell is like...)))

but honestly, it's sad to see what their "clean" is...it's a fucking joke.."looky, I took a paper towel and got half of the shit off the stove..aren't you proud?!" it's sad to know that their form of trying is failing beyound a shadow of a doubt..and then when that happens, you officially suck. so congrats, if that was what your intent was..sucking. and among leaving shit everywhere out of place, constantly lights are on. I can come home at any given point during the day and this place will be light up like a god-damned X-mas tree. the only excusable thing I could see, is the porch light, for when I come home in the morning..but once 10am, or hell even 3pm reaches, the light best the fuck be off...as for the rest of the lights....YOU'RE A FUCKING SLEEP...and if you leave a room, and you won't be back for awhile, turn the fucking lights off....is your imaginary friend in there...watching the TV..no? I didn't fucking think so....I'm not asking you to do fucking exercises to get these lights off..due to modern marvels, there's a thing called a light switch, and mother fuck, they conveinantly put it right next to the door in which you are leaving...I know, I know, it blew my mind too...to think, as you are existing a room, the instrument used to turn off the lights in the room you are leaving is right there...someone must have been brainstorming that one....

oh, and there's still a problem with the fucking incense burning...I thought we had the agreement, "burn your incense in your own god-damned room, and that door must be shut at ALL times, even after you exit..and I won't spray air freshener in rooms you are currently in"..well apparently some fucking hippy forgot that, I came home with this place smelling like a fucking jimi hendrix concert and I wasn't too pleased..especially as I used the bathroom and became nauseous.

and as I have said, I don't care..which is probably the worst thing ever...taking away something I care about, something anybody cares about, has feelings towards, is like crumbling the foundation of any building...it basically collapses upon itself...we all build a world around us based on our views, the way we like things done, or standards, etc..and when ignorance gets in the way and eats away at that, they also eat away at the very core of your existence...they are like termites, infesting, destroying, til there is nothing left. I am devoid of anything, I am a walking apathetic, amoral son-of-a-bitch...all because of them. they couldn't give two shits about living like civilized people, like human fucking beings, and therefore negated my well-being..they didn't like it when I cared, and now my angry disdain towards humanity scares them...wow, those selfish bastards only caring for themselves..well they got what they wanted, at a cost they could care less about...

I did finally break a couple weekends ago..I couldn't make it downstairs in the 5 seconds it normally takes because so much shit was compacted in the walkspaces..oh, mostly fuckslot shit, but other random piles of ass were there as well..not to mention half eaten on plates, dirty utensil everywhere, a liquid-filled cup on my credenza (I think that's what pushed me over, the only thing people could adhere to was broken..and on top of that it was a beer bottle...as if those fucks need to lose any more brain cells....) so I was going to leave a note since nobody was home, and I knew somebody was going to find offence to it, but nobody was around so fuck that, fuck them...luckily for their sakes, they did enter just before I was leaving, and I asked them if they could take care of the place...they said they planned on it..everyone was just sooo busy. you know what..I don't give a fuck about your social lives, your public affairs, where the band will be playing today, tomorrow, whenever. you have a home life, and god damn it it reflects morly of you than anything else. so clean this place up before you go out and do whatever..God I sound like a fucking parent but it's god damn mother fucking right...don't go out and party, play a frat house and get drunk at 2pm, and come home to a filthy, disgusting place you like to openly call your home. clean up, then go out and fuck the world or whatever it is you sluts do.

and there's so much I can go into, but god damn it I won't...I'd hate to get so worked up at this computer I'd pass out from pure exhaustion...I don't care, I'm just waiting for the end, end of something I swear to fucking god. and as I said, this is barely the tip of the iceberg, just scratching the surface..and all this outwardly anger towards others is somewhat of a quasi-cover for other mixed emotions I don't dare to get into. I hate people, I hate being social....I need to live in my fucking cave and only come out when I need a thing of milk mother fuckers...

and to re-cap: Shut up you bastards of fat, don't fucking talk to me, I don't even want to hear your fucking high pitched, chalkboard screeching voices chit-chatting with each other in my presence, if you so much as make eye contact with me I'm liable to slit you fucking throat and spit in your eye...don't.fucking.cross.me....anymore.













life sucks and so do you, FUCK OFF!!!

Stupid Stupid...
bad and mad...

this is just one of those days, where it exists but doesn't really fit in anywhere...

so after an *excellent* last night, what else could today bring? well naturally it would have to be some meloncholic surreal day. I awoke to Mindy's phone ringing, which was perfect timing for her to get ready for work...so I got dressed and made my way back here. I had a bowl of cereal, started to take care of random odd ends, but then made my way back to the tent and took a nap at 1..woke up an hour later - feeling as if it were several hours..barely believing what time it was I decided to bask in the glory of it all and go back to sleep..woke up at 3 and I swear it felt like I slept for a good day.

oh, I talked to my ex-girlfriend right before I took my nap..which was fun...in that waving your hand above and open flame sort of way...I think it went relatively well..well, as good as it could possible be without any connotation or indication towards a higher meaning..although one part of it all did kinda rub me the wrong way..I merely asked what her plans were for Wednesday night, and then I suggested her coming with me to see Carmina Burena in Chicago that night - just something to do, get out, enjoy, relax for a bit, get away from, and have a chance to hang out with me (the lord and master) because it's been something we have been trying to do for a bit now..she says that's nice and all, but what are my intentions..my intentions? are you fucking kidding me? To take you out to see a quasi-opera, get you hammered, then hammer you all night long like a make-shift pony...

let's be real about this all for a second. granted I did invite you out to the opera, but I didn't make any mention of some romantic dinner, a handsome cab ride, or anything retarded like that..it just so happens I will be in town that Wednesday night because I have free tickets to see a goddamn performance..AND because I am the nice person I am (at times) figured it would be a nice gesture to forward a free ticket her way..and get a chance to actually see one another....Jesus fucking Christ, she acts like I have some agenda for Brooke-domination...look, if I wanted that fucking country, I would have taken care of that long ago..but no, it's not happening....and how dare she have the audacity to think that's all I want..Jesus titty fucking Christ..

she explained saying how she can't get attached to me and whatnot...and so I promised nothing was going to happen, it couldn't happen, it is just one night, not a series of (unfortunate) events that lead up to some grand scheme...there are more than 300 miles separating us, and all we are going to have is a few hours..based on the past records, the odds are not in that favor..and I told her if at any time she did start to fall in love with me again, just verbally tell me so I could be a complete asshole (ie myself) and it would go away in the flashest of flashes...

anyways, I got to work, even early, surprising considering the naps and all..bit I worked, it was lame ass..got to see Shera, which doesn't happen all to often...she of course told me to call her some time *sigh* whatever, like those calls ever go answered or returned...I don't know what else happened..Erin's last day was officially tonight...he said his goodbyes, left..then came back half an hour later in hysteric just to say goodbye again..Ecco was split up in a weird arrangement..huge parties everywhere...everyone was generally pissy...nobody really tipped out at all tonight...Tom was pissed...someone had a bit of a seizure...I carried what is now my biggest tray full of shit back without dropping any of it (from the party of 38..)((which nobody tipped me out for...)) just a messed up night...I got out shortly after 11, and god damn was I hungry...

which is funny because as I got to my car I found the pink snowball I just purchased sitting in the center console just waiting for me..I praised myself as a genius and self-loved me as I ate the remaining snowball...but to go completely without starving picked up some wendy's on the way out of the lot..which confused me because did wendy's change their prices or did I just over charged..I mean I order the same three things off of the dollar menu..whatever, I was hungry and wasn't going to let some retarded spick stand in my way...

I headed straight over to Upland to where everyone was gathered for the evening..it..happened...that's all I can say...I filled my scalable quota for the night, that's all I'm saying, though someone commented on how I was being quiet, when in reality I was watching Seinfeld. spent close to 2 hours there before we kinda had to leave and everyone departed to Lauren's, except for myself...I returned here, not wanting to go to Lauren's, not wanting to come here either...but I've had my fill for pot-smokers and people for the month (and it's only the second.....)whatever..oh and the icing on it all was when I told Nicole I was going home, she asked why, I mentioned how I was sick, and sick of people, and something about how the potsmoke would just irritate me anyways...she then with a surprised look on her face said, "you don't smoke pot?" and of course I said jokingly, "do I look like a potsmoker?" - more or less making a social commentary on how a large portion of the college population smokes pot, not a defensive remark about myself..however she answered with yes...fucking awesome...

so here I made this post, continued to make the angry post which we have came to know and love..and spent the rest of the night wondering just what the fuck is wrong with people?













Without retards, the world wouldn't have anybody to run it...