I Sleep on my Left...
..because I wanna be like you? or
..because you're not on the right

So here's a little bit of a rant....

my sickness, well don't worry, it's not contagious...it's not an actual cold, some thought a head cold, they were warmer than they thought....it's just a mental sickness....

for the past couple days, actually since I started feeling like shit, things have been messed up.....Friday was my last meal of sorts....I ate a small thanksgiving dinner at 11am. I was awake from the prior day til I passed out on the side of the road on my way back home...maybe something like 5 or 6ish? I got home and pete noticed I started looking badly...I didn't get to sleep then, I did laundry and get my room set up....I didn't sleep once in bed, I tossed and turned...when I did fall asleep I woke up maybe an hour later in a sweat...saturday's meal consisted of a slice of a pizza, and that was out of boredom....saturday definitely was my worst day..I think I may have been legally insane...I was out there though.....sunday....a bowl of cereal and some cookies......monday..I bite of pasta, a piece of a breadstick, cookies, and a strawberry shake, kids size.....

and sleep....still lacking in that department....I lay there...trying my damnedest to fall asleep.....and if I do there is either extreme with me...a deep sleep where the world could explode and I'd not wake up, or the most common; a light rustle of the leaves outside will awake me....and in this house...good god, don't get me fucking started..let's just say I don't get much sleep.....I don't want to be an ass but if this all keeps up, I'll make the house pay for my fucking insomnia...."wake me up during the day, I'll keep you up all fucking night, just like me!"

and everybody thinks I am still getting a raw deal...and so do I.....everybody thinks I pay too much to live in a tent in the basement (just that part alone, not including anything I have ever mentioned before...just living in a tent in the basement)..what I think would be reasonable would be a flat 200, including utilities and such.....for as much as I do, offer, and provide...yeah, that's not asking too much...

but whatever, everything I do goes unrewarded, scratch that, unappreciated is the correct word....nobody gives a rat's ass about anything, and just barely themselves, but not around the environment they live in...you know the only person I won't direct this at is Jim....he recently gave me a "X-mas" present, "Home Movies" DVD....little things like that; he knows what a fan I am of it, we both didn't know about it being out so it was a surprise..and that was his generosity repaid back to me...he appreciates things I do for him and around the house....cooking him dinner or doing some of his laundry.....kudos to you Jim.

so back to the sleeping thing..I can no longer sleep on my right side..the one side I could only sleep on, well that and my stomach..but yeah, it has switched to the left...my bed is still set up the same way, I still lay facing the same direction...just now I look at the wall I think I have my reasons, but whatever....

So I do these things in my head, maybe called exercises, but I go off on somebody in my head...I have these spasms and completely go AWOL on the particular person, I loose control..I rant, I cry, it's messed up....but I do this in my head so I don't have to actually do it in the real world....now granted in the real world you would only have to do it once to achieve the desired results.....when you do it in your head, you have do it like 10 or so times....and you can't replay it over and over...it has to hit you at some random time....so basically, you could be at work, and then BAM, all those thoughts and emotions hit you....you can't bottle them up so you let them out in a face to face brawl for all...you're done, you feel slightly better...and those feelings will be gone for a couple days...now of course there is a slim chance things could go bad..I mean when you are actually ranting, you feel everso the urge to call or meet up with that person at that time...and maybe you convince yourself to actually confront the person in reality later....but when that time comes all emotion is gone and you got nothing...back to square one...


I leave with a random quote...
don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like