Life Like This....

so as i worked last night at Target i was thinking, my normal, of this and that, lot of things on my mind, especially after the high of making a couple posts on here and my xanga....

so as i stood there i thought, "ok i gotcha, i'm onto you, i finaly caught on"...and waited for the camera crew to pop out....sometimes i feel as if my life is some sort of tv show, kinda like the joe shmo show, where he thinks it's a reality tv show, but everyone on it is a paid actor/actress....the finale was the other night not to mention....but yeah, how fucked up is that...there's also that new show out where the guy is the star in the "movie" but it's not really a movie...one of those things...so i'm thinking my life has to be one of those....my life is just some big joke of an experiment...

or i can even go to the extreme of saying it's like matrix reloaded...i'm an anomole, the fourth or so version of myself to come around, and they just alter something to see what my different reaction will be...seeing the different outcomes, how far one can be pushed, this and that....

i know obviously people have already thought this, i mean there wouldn't have been these movies if not for it, but i honestly think something is terribly wrong with my life/lifestyle/whatever...i mean yeah, all we are is dust in the wind..but there has to be somethiong more to it....maybe mor to it to those who think about it, who catch on to it...

i don't know, maybe i'm just rambling..i can't amount much to what's going on....i'd cry out for help, but what's the use...i mean look at where i am now...that's it