Hey, Did You Know There's an "End" Button on the Keyboard....
Sadly, It Doesn't Work....

Yeah...I only confirmed your statements with that last post of mine.....and I know it isn't going to get any better, if anything this is just the beginning....

ohhh crap, what a day what a day....Well, extended version day, from yesterday into today, a 24 hour period for myself, thus making it a day for me......it all started last night at target....

I was doing some inner reflecting on myself, I was already not in a "good" mood with the crap that happened while we unloaded the truck, so I basically just kept to myself and surprisngly nobody thought anything of it, good thing too. but the thoughts that were racing in my mind weren't good, coupled with that of the oldies station and you have one depressed jason. I think I've rode my high for a long enough time, the coldness of my winter is settling in....

funny part, was right before the true depression setting I had some very angry idea, don't know how much I meant it, can't remember what brought it on, but it wasn't good...and then I thought about how stupid I sounded in the process...of course I wanted to make it a post at the time, but the anger dropped from me, and now I'm here empty without those true thoughts, I'll try to replicate later maybe....

so yeah, the depression settled in swiftly, my inner reflections brought on nothing but pain, and I kept getting sidetracked with my ideas to the one thought, the one problem....maybe it was that damn oldies music that was playing...come to think of it, I usually don't get like this when I'm rocking out to "bigger than my body", just thinking about having a threesome while the song is playing or with john mayer, or some sick sexual pleasure like that...

I think by the end of the morning (how in the hell does that make sense) I was able to escape my thoughts and drift to another topic, trying to make top 10's of things, don't ask me why though.....so then it was over to my grandparents house....lordy was that something.....

I was there for about three hours, grandma talked to me about many a thing, of course I an thickheaded and get angry when confronted on certain things, but we moved past that point. jmy grandma started to build up my confidence on things, told me i should have taken some things back, this and that, little tid bits of whatever, got my mind off of things i suppose, and made me stay a little bit later. then they talked about how I was doing and my jobs and finances, then the self reflection started in again....then my grandpa had something to show me, he had just recently found the video from my open house on that fatefilled tuesday back in june....but there was nothing on the tape....he recorded over it with nothing but the lens cap....the entire day's events lost...then I started to remember everything that went on, my memory was so good it was like I had just watched the video, I can recall who was there and what they were wearing.....remembering all that, then founding out it was no longer ate me up inside...I had a comment, which after I said it thought it would make a cool sounding album, but of course I forgot it......I couldn't much more of it all, I wanted the earth to swallow me up whole at that point. I gathered my things, they always force things upon me when I come, and I headed out to my car, where the only thing to hold my crying head, was my own cold shoulder....

I slept for a little bit today, not very long, not like I was missed in the process either , but I did awaken...and later got a phone call about some mail that arrived today for me...a correspondence letter I had forgotten about, I was happy to hear I got a reply, but found out in was my letter, "returned to sender", ouch....

so now i think i want to change my opinion on the college people being back...don't ask me why i was so happy to see them..maybe i still am inside, but right now i just want to be left alone, alone to die maybe, but i don't think any social interaction is what i need, especially if it is only for a couple days, don't bother getting my hopes up...

so yeah, and i have to blame my mindless ramblings on what happens when i sit at a computer, depneding on what i do, what io read, really effects the outcome of my post, so today i didn't read anything, yet, but just a blob, like boy and his blog, sitting here....