Girls....(said in that high pitched voice I do so frequently)

so yeah, yesterday was "sweetest Day"...some hallmark holiday crap thing.....anyways..I remember about three years ago I made up a little mail I was going to mass send to the pity party and a select few others as well, it was just me bitching about the "holiday" and tying in pity party to it all, I don't think I ever did send it out, but if I did, I wonder if anybody has it still..if not I know I have it saved on my computer...can't exactly remember what it said, but it was good, I know it.....maybe that's why 10/17 sounded familiar...hmmmm

and this has been on my mind.....girls, well mainly me bitching about them.....
something came up about my age, and the age of a selected person everybody wants (even though they know it would be wrong on a couple levels, yet great for revenge and other reasons) me to get with this one chick....well I thought about it, and my thoughts are pretty much the same as always, but I think I will just type them out now.....

I've never really liked a girl that was my age, granted growing up in elementary and middle school it's a little different, but even then I did like older chicks.......but girls my age just have this stigma about them.....they're all bitches...honestly, this 17-24? range I've seen nothing but the crap I hate......

back when I was little (4-12) I had my playground crushes on girls my age, though in some older ones here and there....but I think it was about the age of 12 or sixth to seventh grade, whichever occurred first, I realized the girls my age suck, didn't know why at the time, but they were different than me. I devolved my fling with marion, who was way older, and of course nothing more than just my crush on her, but she was young to me, even though there was a 5 year age difference....then later came laura (not the party laura I grew up with) and then we had a 2 year age difference (15 vs 17)....and of course she looked down on the youngness of myself, but that never stopped anything that happened between us, even through our distance, me living in lowell and her in homewood, we came together every weekend and had our jollies..things were good..and I still hated girls that were my age.....maybe it was the lack of interest in me from them, whether it been from me too mature, or not mature enough, which could change at any moment, or whatever reason thereafter....

after laura moved to indy that was the end of her, and the end of hope. I was now a sophomore, looking at the girls in my class, and knowing there wasn't going to be anything....and don't even try looking for the older girls in highschool, you had to be some jock with a big dick in order for that to happen, so even though I had my desires for a few older woman, my thoughts went to the younger prey....

the class of '02 was a great little bunch, full of hotties, I think I worked on them even for two years, the class of '03 had no appeal, obviously cuteness skipped years...and then the class of '04 came in...

well by now I'm a senior, I have no other choice but to look for someone younger, I still hated my senior class girls, even though certain attempts to make it back in were made, they obviously failed.....

I think the desire of looking into the younger girls is brought on by the attitudes of the different ages....see when you're young, you're immature and you know it.....when you come into this realm of where I am at, you think you're now mature, but you aren't.....and when you are older you're mature and you know it....

so that middle group....they kinda go with the I know everything sort of crowd, or too good for you group....it's all about the attitude.....not once has there ever been a girl my age to want me, like me, or want to hang out with me....I'm a different person, I know that.....

so the young girls, I like to hang out with them because I know I can have a good time with them, I'll always be a child at heart, and maybe I'll never grow up, but I know for certain I am wise beyond my years. maybe even deep down inside I feel like I want to enlighten their lives with my experiences/mistakes/etc., but I don't want to crush their spirits, and so I remain quiet, only offering insight when asked on a personal basis....

I mean look at my girlfriend of three years, there was a three year difference between us......I don't think I've changed at all, I'm still the same person, and my age has no reflection on who I am. sure it may seem weird if you do the math, me hanging out with some sophomore or junior....in highschool, but that's how my mindset is, I know how they feel and interact, I think I was dropped off by the bus at that age and haven't gotten a cab ride yet. people are people, no matter what age, I always forget my age when people ask, it's just a number, not a way of life, and it doesn't determine anything. if anything I'm at my peek,k this is as good as it will get, so sad, but yeah...

so if you know me, and those who read do, you know how I am, I don't mean any harm, I have morals, I'm a toys r us kid, and this is a time when girls my age suck, and not in the good way..find me one that doesn't and I'll show you a lie....

now I only mentioned younger woman there, of course there have been the older ladies that have caught my eye. and of course that year difference is a lot different when the tables are turned......senior guy dates freshman girl, it's ok, but senior girl date freshman guy, that's totally different, there's like a doubling of age distance there...mainly it's been within range, of course there have been a couple to get into that oh my dad age range, I think we all know what I'm talking about, I'm not a motherfucker, honestly.....

but anyways, that's that....say what I've done or doing is wrong, but look at me and you will see, that's just who I be...I don't mean to cause alarm or bring any harm, I just want to be with people who act like themselves and know it, maybe wild and carefree is what I like, but then again on older girls that should have died out and it's not so cool then. girls are crazy and messed up, maybe i'm, just as messed up, some believe stronger than others. these will be the craziest and most interesting of years to come, who knows how i'll handle them, who knows what I want...maybe a cigarette now, goodnight....