2013 Year

In..

End..

Reviews

It's that time of the year again, time to look back on all that occurred; the good, the bad, the whatever...Honestly, this may take me a bit of trouble as nothing too monumental seems to be jumping off the top of mind for the year.

January opened up the new year and I was living with Gary in, what really was, our dream spot for Cali.  I remember that first half of the year I struggled to keep my finances afloat because Gary could not keep track of his.  Paying for almost the entirety of the rent and add-ons I was forced to take cut-backs in my personal life...drawing out from my stocks, not taking trips like I had planned to do.

But that didn't stop a man that was nearly five-thousand dollars in debt to me. Paying for tanning (in california), private volleyball lessons, wetsuits, flights, amoung other random activities...His frivolous lifestyle and refusal to grow up, take responsibility, and not live the life for more than 2 minutes would ultimately be our dream's demise.

After consulting with our land lord we decided with all the bad events taking place at the condo - management singling us out for any "violation" they could come up with - we had decided to move out in May.  Gary for once took initiative and went out looking for apartments for us. He viewed some, reported back to me with eager eyes, but within 24 hours the mood would take a 180.  He came back to me telling me he took his old job back, and would be moving back to Indiana.

So all plans were scrapped and I was off to fend for myself.  Coincidence or happen chance played a big part and I was able to find a place to live - a coworker had a master bedroom available, with a garage, in a place close to where I first lived out here.  Everything fell into place, and I moved out mid-May.

Over the summer, I was able to cross off some things from my bucket list.  The San Diego County Fair opened and I was apart of the color detail.  This got me free admission for the day and some vendor vouchers.  So after the ceremony I left to return in the evening, where I would watch The Beach Boys live in concert.  It was a free show, and they still rocked.  It was just a cool experience to see people I grew up listening to and watching on Full House.

Right before that though I did see one of my favorite bands of all time (all time) in a very long day up in Anaheim.  What started in the morning with free tickets to the Angels Vs White Sox game (that I would scam to upgrade for better seats), would later turn into walking across the street to The Rolling Stones concert in the evening.  Of course then and there my luck with scalpers took its first blow.  The night would end with going to some random club and 'partying' with the band.

Other events that happened were two trips to the CG in Beverly Hills, the second to correct the first time's deficiency.  Saw Ashley Simpson perform in Chicago, also saw Kanye in concert in October, Moving Units and Hypercrush in November.

Made an impromptu trip to Indy in October to watch one of my friends from the Region get married.  I had realized I hadn't taken any trips up to that point this year, and I was tired of missing all my friends weddings for whatever lame reason..all that, and the fact I wouldn't be around much longer pushed me to take the trip.

Oh, yeah, I found out in July, confirmed yet not confirmed I would be deploying come next year.  Well, it bounced around, the slots were moved, my position from Afghanistan to Kuwait got jumbled around, and even when we thought everything was settled, we found out that the dates of January/February didn't apply to people going to Kuwait...Our date was in November...before Thanksgiving, before the Michigan/OSU game in Ann Arbor..before any holiday....

So once again, November would come to fuck me; this time, it was known in advanced, like knowing when you would be executed.

These details changed everything for me in 2014.  I used this an excuse to send the girl that was living with me back to where she came from, and I spent the remainder of my time reclusing. (it's a word, I made it up, deal with it)

So once again, for the fifth time in my life, I packed up everything and put it into storage - though since I never unpacked, it was all still sitting in the garage.  The period from September 2012 to May 2013 would be the first time since 2003 that I did not have anything in storage.  Less than a year.

My former bedside companion (I really need to get her a name) helped assist me in the moving process, and road with me all the way out to my grandparents, where I would store my car and say my goodbyes after a few days.  Then it was up to Chicago, though nothing was planned - i.e. movie, sporting event, anything like that - we were going to just be apart of the city.

The time in the city was wonderful - I think it was the longest time I've spent in the city since 2007.  From there it was off to Dallas for a couple days, back to Indy for two more, then over to Cali.

The final days in the states were nothing special.  I spent my time off work finishing the last classes I had, and spent many hours in P'Bread completing my last projects for the class.  In an odd way, it was like 2009/2010 all over again, but I was ok with that.

The vehicle that I thought propelled love, but only set me back was destroyed...as a symbol of something I'm sure, as it happened on your anniversary.

Mid-November the small group of us deployed to Kuwait, which is where I am now and will be for another year or so.  Nothing happens here.  We work every day, luckily me and my counterpart only work 8 hour shifts currently...but, it's like Groundhog's Day...same thing, day in, day out.

We went to The Avenues mall in Kuwait City on Thanksgiving, but haven't been back since, even though we tried to organize a trip on Christmas Day to treat ourselves.  Made two trips to the Embassy, one of those being tonight, New Year's.  It's one of the few places you can drink in this country, since it is a dry country....however that craziness works.

But that was my year. I don't expect much from 2014 either...

"it's not what happened, it's what didn't happen"

Merry Christmas

Mele..

wait that's Hawaiian

HoweveryousayMerryChristmasinArabic....

I was under the impression we were getting the day off, the impression obviously wasn't that impactful on the higher ups....Instead we are the only ones in the office today.  I had hoped to go to the mall, another chance to get off base, a chance to go Xmas shopping for ourselves..but no, none of that either.  

So as I enter the chowhall in my work uniform, my eyes scan the sea of civies...sigh, I should be joining in with the masses, but alas, I have to work.  There's not many open spaces to sit, as half the normal seating area has been sectioned off for cakes, carving displays, and of course, Kuwaity Santa.

I find a table with a few empty spaces and some other service members in uniform too; I pick this table to try and blend in.  (For the record, or desert, ran cammies versus the army light green cammies..yeah, not much to 'blend' in there)

Little did I know, but I sat down right between the two-star Army General and the Army Command Sergeant Major..go me.  I didn't realize this until well into my meal in fact.  At one point during my meal, I saw a group of people taking pictures with a two-star at the opposite end of the table.  I didn't think too much of it, thought it was kinda random and cool to see a two-star in the non-vip section of the chowhall, and continued eating..then I noticed him walking over my way.  My eyes kept in pursuit as I gobbled down some more stuffing.  He made a pass behind me and onto the other side, where he pulled out a chair and sat..where he had been this entire time.  

This mother fucker had been sitting next to me the entire time and I hadn't the slightest clue.  It wasn't too much longer before he sparked conversation with me, asking me where I was from and wishing me a merry christmas as well.  I would have continued, but my meal was finished, exchanged another round of 'merry christmas'es and left, noting the rank of the gentlemen that was sitting on my right.

It's not every day you can say you inadvertently had lunch with the two-star.

"'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the base, not a creature was stirring, except MCC-K"

Nostalgia

that feeling..

the feels..

i..just don't like it.

My night started off on what I hoped to be a good sign.  Lately I've been staying up later and later, which results in me waking up later and later..not a good cycle - maybe I wasn't made for 24 hour days...

Anyway, it was shortly before midnight and I called lights out..and actually fell asleep.  Naturally, that was the only good thing going for me.  My dreams played at as if concocted by some alcoholic libation...yet, we know that not to be the case.  Couldn't have been something I ate either, same food..just different results? Nah. So what is it...I awoke sometime before 4 and puzzled that very question.  Christmas..must be Christmas.

Though my dream, while sleeping, was about working at my first job...had nothing to do with Christmas...even my dreams when I was awake; those thoughts and memories that sprung out of the random darkness did not relate to Christmas.  However, I believe it has more than everything to do with it.

Just thinking about past Christmases (Christmasi?), more or less the most recent ones...like how in 2006 I spent it alone at TJs place and drunk dialed my mother.  Or how from 2007 to 2010 I worked a double for both the Eve and Day.  How in 2009 after work I had a special treat in store for me.  How in 2011 I worked til almost midnight on Christmas Eve because shit at work needed to get done so I took the responsibilities from some other guy who had plans to see his family in LA...Also in 2011 I spent it with my bosses family (who was kind enough to invite me over for the night, yet defriended me on facebook sometime this year).  

I keep trying to think what I did last year, 2012..and I cannot for the life of me remember.  I remember work around those times sucked.  I put in more hours in those three work days than I put in on a normal week...early mornings, late evenings...all for no real reason - it was actually to "get ahead of the game"..so, essentially it was work that would be work in the future, but not currently, not during the holidays, especially, right then and now..

But what did I do..who was around...did Gary go back home for the holidays...what the heck happened?  As someone who can remember the most intricate of details, those entire days escape me.

But these dreams, both asleep and awake, were very...moving.  Moving in two very different ways at that.  For whatever reason, these memories were not like normal memories; like, supermemories...memories with super cognitive strength.  The emotions these dreams stirred were intense - and these memories weren't anything powerful on their own normal accord, they weren't like seeing a picture of your first love, or smelling the scent of your grandparents home, the time you almost died in the car accident and now you look differently at certain stretches of highway..no, these were run of the mill, ordinary memories.

Yet today, they instilled something very uncomfortable inside me.

I could not go back to sleep.  I had gotten less than 4 hours, yet here I was, wide awake, being beaten down by random old memories of mopping a floor.  And as my mind went with the flow of the wandering images projected in my head, every now and then I'd be overcome with certain sensation I could not shake.  I wanted to start clawing at my skin in order to make it all go away; but I knew my roommate would not approve.

He was awake too, at least he went to the bathroom shortly after I did.  I don't think he ever went back to sleep judging by the noises come from his side of the room.  Maybe something was in the air tonight that kept us both awake.

Whatever the case may be, I never want experience anything remotely similar to whatever happened tonight ever again.  I feel as if I could live quite comfortably knowing it won't ever occur again, however, something lingering in those memories makes me believe it will come again later.

There was a message, I just didn't care to listen.

"When I die, and everyone who knows me dies, it'll be as if I never existed"

Happy Anniversary

well,

of sorts...

alleged rape-aversary that is...

It was just one year ago that the unthinkable happened; an event so outrageous it would change the course of my life from that point forward.  Where I thought the actual events would lead to bigger and better things, another's fictitious events would take me down a harrowing road.

Of course I am talking about the alleged rape case.  "Oh, you can talk about it now?!" you may be finding yourself asking..truth is, I'm not sure.  With the one year anniversary being the 18th-19th of March, and my recent news from the Oceanside PD, I'd say I can..

I mean why not, the DNA results (finally) came back...and just what were those results...everything we already knew.  My DNA was not to be found on any, ANY of the evidence/items the liar accuser brought forth.

go figure.

I got these results only because I made phone calls after not hearing anything for months..annoying.

But, we are only half-way free I guess.  Yes, there was no DNA found, but the lab tests on the water bottle are still unknown...apparently it got sent out to a different lab, and who knows when they'll have their report.  But as the detective said, from the looks of everything, unless something absolutely crazy comes back from that water bottle, the case will be closed.

Of course I did inform the detective of the "sister" water bottle I have in my possession as well.  He said that was good to hold onto in the meantime.

So I celebrated today with what will be a tradition from last year forth - get a Shamrock shake at some point in the day..finish it off with Denny's...drink some arrowhead water..and not rape anyone.

I leave you with these two memes created awhile ago for me...

 

"..and maybe a song...."

Hello There, You

A story,

Nothing like before

Shortly.

I've been telling myself I need to write, I've been saying the words in my head so much they've actually manifested aloud.  And the recent conversations to me of my blog only have brought it more to the present.

The Holidays.  I started to get into a comfortable place the other day, I use the term 'comfortable' very loosely here as it's actually a very unpleasant feeling.  What was comfortable, rather, was the familiarity of it.  I was off of work, and knowing I didn't have to be back for another 48 hours took a weight off my shoulder like never before.  These feelings used to come so much easier not too long ago.  Just getting two days off in a row would do this for me; but now, with the routine, two days just isn't enough.

I can put the blame on Sunday.  Sunday is one of my days off, the most worthless day in my book.  here's what usually happens.  Friday, get out of work, never early, but continue with my week things and routines. Friday night I'm likely to still get into bed at the same time as i did the night prior..but I sleep in Saturday.  Sure sleeping in for me now is something like waking up at 8:35; but I take my piss and go back to bed.  Waking sometime once the double digits hit.  I'll make my breakfast and slowly begin my day, never really getting it out of, and at worse into, second gear.  Once 4:30 hits I'm back out for the count, a mid-day nap for no reason other than why not.  I awake an hour or so later rearing to go!  But of course by then it's a little late to get very much accomplished....maybe go to the gym..maybe hit the grocery store..but that's about all i can do.  And then sunday comes around.  Now that I've used a day to rest up, I'm good to go the next..the only problem is; mostly everything is closed on a Sunday.  This 'holiday' weekend has been no different.

I kept with my Christmas tradition and rented some Redbox movies (though I can't get (too) drunk, as I do not have tomorrow off from work).  Call it what you will, but the movies I've been watching have had something to do with writing; book, stories, what have you...this consistent theme must have struck a chord with me as here I am now, writing, telling you nothing but garbage.

I'm losing my bearing here.  There's a lot on my mind -  things started to flare up over the weekend, but I took a friend's company to drown out anything surfacing.  Maybe I'm not completely derailed and this upcoming 96 will take me to where I need to go.  I'm hoping so, because I really was all over the place in this one, yet I don't think I got anywhere.

Here's looking at tomorrow...

"..if only my dreams involved tomorrow"

You

fucking

ruined

me

Sigh, that comment is directed to a number of people, including myself, so don't take it the wrong way. Ehh, I don't feel like going down that path right now, I'm still trying to catch up from this past week, what with the holiday and visitors and all. I guess I just wanted to get that statement out there, get it said. Funny, because almost every night as I lay in bed, right before I pass out I think of a title for my next blog - and they've pretty much all been something along the lines of one word phrases calling someone out on something.

It's sumer, and I don't write much in summer..I guess my mind goes on its own little vacation without me knowing it…maybe its just habitual now after all those years of schooling…may ending the year and the end of august kicking it back off.

I remember hating trying to get back into the grove of things in august..back on a sleep schedule, back on any schedule, back to making your head retain pointless knowledge all the while trying to remember everything you forgot in those few months off.

Maybe summer school would be good for kids..maybe year round school would be good for kids. Of all the archaic institutions in America, it seems silly to still let children off from school during the summer months to tend to the crops. Of course this type of thinking would only anger everyone…wonder why we are listed so low on the most intelligent nations list.

Right now everything in my life and around me is a mess…but not such a chaotic mess..more like that uncomfortable numb acceptance mess…like you're that sock in the washing machine that's just kinda sitting in the middle of things as the center blades churn back and forth. You're getting tugged and pulled in all directions, but it's not violent. You're kinda floating, not really getting sucked down into the mix of things..but you realize, even that would be better than where you are right now…because at least then you'd be doing something. you're just a sock in a washing machine, and nothing is living up to its purpose.

let's hope it's not a pink sock in the whites...

"to today, middle finger response"

Leap Year Post

special post..
special day..

well, not really the first statement...

This post really has no sustenance to it..it's just a post because it's a rare day..so yeah, here you go…

Today would be a good day to pick up girls from the bar - explanation…bitches women love to celebrate their birthdays, it's science..and any bartender will tell you how they can't get away a single weekend out of the year without some gaggle fuck of women "woo-ing", ordering girly shots, throwing glitter, wearing tiaras, etc because it's someone's birthday celebration..even if it's thanksgiving or Christmas..these girls come out to party..

Anyway, people are born every day of the year, shocking, but who has the rarest birthday of them all…the Leap Year Day Babies…and this group will go to any lengths to make February 29th a wild one, no matter what day of the week it lands on..even a Wednesday…

Sure they could celebrate it on the closest weekend, like anyone else would do, or like they have done for those three other years…but when something as 'special' as the 29th of February rolls around, you better believe they'll be out in full force.

And they'll have to drag their friends out..and their friends will have to come..even if it is a Wednesday like it is today…

didn't they make some crappy movie about Leap Year Day..and didn't they play it on a non-leap year..wtf marketing people...

other than that, I don't have much else to say at this point..trying to do something..anything…

is it weird that every leap year we vote for a president?








"Leap Year Day is just one more day of suffering.."

ThankFool

Food..
Family..

Some of the essential F's to have in life

Thanksgiving has always been the one holiday during the season that I've ever actually cared about. What's more odd is how this one holiday just happens to fall in my most despised month of the year as well. It just seems a little peculiar that there would be a time in this month that I actually looked forward to...maybe November isn't as bad as I thought..

Now I never minded working on Xmas Eve or Xmas Day, those always were scratched off of my Holiday Request Forms anyway. However, working on Thanksgiving was just so...un-American to me? Maybe not as bad as working on the Fourth of July, but I'm sure pretty darn close..

I could try to come up with a reasoning for why Thanksgiving has a special place in my heart, but really, looking back on the past 10 years, those reasons really wouldn't hold any weight. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the most traditional sense - how the needy pilgrims almost on the verge of death tricked and conned the natives into sharing food allowing the pilgrims to survive and ultimately that would be the natives demise..having those settlers only to take over more land, kill, and push further and further West only to be secluded to what could accurately be described as concentration camps...you may be used to the phrase "reservations", same difference.

No, I take a more modern approach to the day, which has in my opinion, adapted over the years. Back when i was a kid growing up, it was a big feast and spending time with the family. The adults cooking massive amounts of food that you then would be trying to consume for the next week or so...but for me, it wasn't that family orientated..it was the same three people i saw on any other dinner..i don't recall any sort of traditions..Xmas music played, the fire place would be going..that was about it.

After highschool, those unsettled years, is when i believe i started to develop a sense for this holiday. Being on my own and not having a real home anymore I was picked up, adopted in a sense, by other families, friends, coworkers, etc. Being welcomed into someone else's home brought forth what the meaning behind this special day was. Being apart of others traditions (JELLO SLAPPING HERE), going 'round the table telling what each of us were thankful for, even though it was new to me, actually meant something. Having people open up their homes and kitchens for you on a day that is generally meant as a family get together stirred a warm feeling inside of me and gave me a sense of belonging - even during my weakest of months.

During those unsettled early years I focused a lot on the holiday shopping, making Black Friday apart of the holiday rituals. I anxiously stayed up all night, driving out to the malls and big stores, waiting in line, fought the crowds, sat in traffic, and was apart of the mayhem. It excited me. Most people said I was crazy for wanting to go out into such a mess, but after being out in it, I wasn't the only crazy person, in fact, I'd say there were a lot of them. Now granted, I didn't have lists, or agendas, or itineraries to follow - sure I looked over the Thanksgiving ads and spotted some things I wanted to grab, but I don't think I did it for "the savings"

Maybe the only type of saving that really was happening was a saving of myself. Being apart of something larger than me, the hustle 'n bustle, the crowd, and all the emotion that went into that day, that weekend, made me feel alive. Perhaps it was a culmination of that day, Thanksgiving, and the beginning of the holiday season that help cause an upswing to get me out of my November funk, driving home that final nail in the final weekend before a new month, and soon a new year began.

This year I am not spending Thanksgiving with family. And like years past I will probably just wing it, people tend to have more of a sense of pity this time of year. Whether I eat some turkey from an oven cooked bird or in a sandwich I bought from Subway, I'll make due. I didn't send out a mass text to everyone in my phone like so many people do; rather this time i sent the "Happy thanksgiving...i'm thankful blablabla" - a personalized account of what i was actually thankful for. As wonderful as it sounds, it of course could only be performed in such as a backhanded compliment that only the Jangus could give.

All in all, i'm not sure what i'm really thankful for, this year could be erased for all i really care - but that discussion is more for my year in review blog - i want to be thankful for having a girlfriend be faithful to me while i went to bootcamp, but i can't say that. I want to be thankful for meeting someone who challenges me in a way that only i've been known to do, but i can't do that. i want to be thankful for my new career choice, but i won't do that. I want to be thankful i'm not in indy, but i'm finding Californians rate pretty close to how horrible indy was, so i can't do that. i want to be thankful for a Michigan victory this weekend, but i can't do that, yet...

i'm thankful for the blessed union of mark and ginger - their enduring relationship is the only thing that really gives me hope for anything. God bless you two. Cheers.







"Thank you for being a frie-WILL SOMEONE TURN OFF THE RADIO!"

Alright..

I'm gonna do my best..
and by best i mean this..

which is just pressing my fingers on this keyboard here...

I'm fighting off sleepiness trying to put thoughts to text here and i'm failing at a very interesting rate. I'm on standby, was just called a dick because i'm passing out in one of the "prime spots" granted there's only me and another guy here in the computer area...had this been during the busy hour i could see an argument..but 1800 on a sunday? what the eff ever.

i should be sleeping..this is technically my sleep time and i won't be getting much for the next couple of days..it's the frickin' fourth of july, I'm a Marine, and I'll be working on it...laaaaaame. Any other Marine in the US gets full 96 (96 represents the number of hours we get off for liberty..96 is a four day weekend) but not for us..we have to...guard things?

You know, any time I have had to work on the fourth i have hated life more than anything...and it wasn't until 2006 i vowed to never work on the fourth again....

in 2004 i was working at a restaurant, on a "double". I worked my lunch shift and then went on a break..trying, pleading to get cut for the night. So when i returned back to work for my dinner shift i noticed i wasn't on the floor plan.I got my wish, or so i thought...that was hardly the case. Instead I was part of an "elite" group who were on *cough* standby *cough* Yes, standby..the equivalent of restaurant purgatory. So me and a few other employees sat in a booth together, albeit complaining, waiting...and waiting...just in case we were needed..just in case we got that rush - of course anyone who's ever been in the industry read those last lines with such cutting sarcasm that cannot accurately be replicated in any stale form of writing...

Long story short i eventually got the cut and was able to make it to my Fourth plans and watched some fireworks..yay

in 2005 i only had to work the lunch shift, all was well...but in 2006, that had a moment of history that would change the course of time from then on out. I was working at the Johnny Rockets in Cedar Point (America's Rockin' Roller Coast), my first season. It was already a tumultuous season and this was hitting the half-way point for most of the crew. I worked on the fourth, a double, because at that time, I didn't care about anything, I was just there for the ride...oh how quickly all that would change.

People remember such mundane things like their first kiss, first baseball game, whatever...servers...we remember our first walk-out. On July Fourth in 2006, after 3 years of providing service for others in the form of a waiter I had my very first walk-out. Let me explain the situation...it's the evening, sun has gone down fully, and the park is coming to a halt. The restaurant is nearly dead, but then a group of teeny bopper girls come into the building, of course it's my turn to get sat as i just cleared out my section...I take the order, expediting them, trying to get them the fuck out so i can watch the fireworks...

As the first booms go off I make my way outside...it's not too long before my server clock kicks in and tells me my guests food is about to be up..waiting just a few more explosions later I hurriedly make my way into the restaurant, grabbing up the burgers, half-n-halfs, and chicken fingers, and delivering them to the table...staying in the restaurant to make my one minute/one bite check back i can peer outside and see the reflections of the exploding fireworks lighting off the surrounding buildings, grounds, and rides. After the checkback I rush outside just in time to witness the grand finale. It's in moments like those when you can really lose yourself from the reality you are living in, that's why I needed to see those fireworks..to remove me from what it was I was doing with my life...

After all that was finished, the crew made their way from the back alley, through the restaurant, and to the front..it was time to put on "our" show...apparently because we had an almost empty restaurant we had to get people in..and what did we do to do that..dance. Our management team had the brilliant idea to make us dance to all 10 songs...of course, we didn't know this going out there..

After the first song fades out we about face and start to make our way back in, which is when and where we were greeted by said management team to turn back around and continue til further notice...by the third song most of us are confused, looking around...in the middle of the dances i keep turning around to check on my table..again, server instincts are kicking in..

I'm not allowed to go back into the restaurant, managements orders - heck i even tried at one point - i was met with a hand and a finger..there was no winning this battle..all i could do is try to keep my eyes on them, even though my back was turned the entire duration. The last song and dance wrap up and i hastily make my way in the restaurant, dashing to my table where i find nothing..no people, no money, just some of the garbage left behind that a busser was just then cleaning up..

I was just walked-out on...I could no believe it...what makes this story even better was the fact I had just had conversations with another co-worker a week prior to this instance about how I never had a walk-out in my serving career..I took pride in the plus karmatic state i was in, oh how the mighty will fall.

Of course the first thing I did was to call that very co-worker up with the details, and the second thing I did was I made that vow..to never work on the fourth again, i was over it. I couldn't allow myself to be working, at an establishment, on a god forsaken holiday...i didn't see the sense and could not comprehend how ignorant people and corporations could be..

then I went to work for a place that was open 365 days a year, but let's not go into that...Even there I was able to get the fourth off and continue on with my life as scheduled...

Now I'm working for a government agency, the frickin military, and I am not even rewarded with getting..not just any holiday, but the nation's independence day off...so thank you...thank you everyone..thank you to those who will be celebrating under the blanket of security i am providing for you and those who have come before me..who have to and had to work on the fourth...

cocksuckers.









"Me- Those fucking black bitches just fucking walked-out on me!!!
Manager- Oh, they just have to be black eh?!
Me- Yeah, because if they were any other color they would have paid their fucking bill!"

Ok, Ok, OK

self-fulled..
bad luck..

or just plain ol coincidence....

November is coming to a close, thank the lord, but not after wreaking enough havoc to break my will. Clean-up time on the damage is approximated at a year, I feel like New Orleans...every time things start swinging back, here comes another disaster...maybe I should disappear for the entire month and see how that goes....actually, I'd probably wind up missing and never come back...scratch that thought.

Believe me when I say I do not wish these things upon me, and I do my best to not acknowledge it is November, but for some reason there's a holiday or two in that month that remind me what it is, ha. Now yes, shit happens in any other month, just like..well, normal. So why is it that November's disasters are so cataclysmic? Is it because I put this month's treacheries up on a pedestal, shine light onto them and elevate them to be worse than any other of the month's mishappenings? maybe.

I wrecked my car last year in November..actually it was the weekend of Thanksgiving..roads were slippery, lost control of a car that has all wheel drive and I spun out. Well as luck may have it, I wrecked my car this year, in November, on the weekend of Thanksgiving - this time the road conditions were ok...operator error once again.

I lose girlfriends in November...maybe because I get all weird, push people away, or whatever it is I do, but people around me tend to not be around the following months. And the sad thing is, it's never how I want it to be. Unless I tell you to Fuck Off, I'm pretty sure you're still ok to be around me. Their presence is what I am counting on to make it through the month of November...so why drop the bomb on me during one of my most vulnerable times..haven't people ever heard you can't beat a dead horse.

my seasonal migraine flares up in November, causing me to lose focus on everything around me...people, work, activities, school, etc, all become effected by my huge change in demeanor. I do not want to be cold to them, but it's out of my control. I explain to everyone what is going on, but does little..when it goes on for a week, people just think I'm being a dick...and this is the one time I'm not actually trying to be a dick.

And let's not even talk about the Seven years of Tears, as I lovingly have called the UofM's streak for losing to those assholes in the armpit of America...Fuck the Buckeyes.

I try to fight it all off, I stand my ground, try to hold onto those people, try to not let the accidents and everything else get me down..I know it's coming and so I do my best to dig my heels into the ground and hold firmly...I know the month is going to throw everything at me, but I know I have to keep standing up when it does..I know all this, but yet still at the end of the day, the end of the month, all the fighting and all the garbage has taken it's toll.

This past week has been no different; each day bringing a new offense to the table, and nothing gets resolved as the next day rolls in, eventually the weight of it all added up cripples the psyche and November leaves me there to rot, to suffer, but not to die...that would be no fun.

As my corpse of a shell lay barely hanging on, my soul tattered and frayed feeling like a war-torn village, December creeps in, dropping snow over me. The commercialization marches over without taking notice, of me, of anything in it's path to profit. I lay. alone. in the cold.

maybe next year I'll be in somewhere there's warmth....









"Fuck the November rain, if the November Rain was half my worries I'd be fine!"

Move-ember

there's something in a sunday...
..that makes a body feel alone

In Memoriam.

I was wondering what I was going to do today, and looking back upon it, I realize that I'm still trying to figure it out. Last night, err, this early morning we rolled back our clocks, which means an extra hour of sleep, unless you're me...For whatever reason my body just knows about DST and laughs at my thoughts of getting an extra hour of sleep - instead, it has an extra hour to keep me up..and ponder.

I'm doing my best to write, honestly. While I'm away from my computer a thousand ideas and topics rush through my head...rush so rapidly that I cannot grasp onto them when the time is appropriate.

So to kill two bluebirds with one stone, I am writing write now...it would be what he wanted I feel.

It's November now, so all creativity has fled my mind only to leave a vacancy for numbness and sorrow...the inevitable and much dreaded November is upon me, and while I look to the very near future for some sort of light at the end of the month, I am haunted by the past.

You can call it a self-fulled prophecy because my eyes are only fixated on the rear view mirror of my life, it's hard to overcome obstacles in your head when you never learn how to get around the roadblocks you yourself put up.

Why do we as people choose to go down the same disastrous road time and time again - is it that we are just products of habit? Even with the knowledge of the outcome, does it just feel comfortable? Are we trying, maybe hoping, to correct the wrongs from all previous attempts - in one of those self-sacrificing, say hello to my little friend, balls to the walls knock me down 7 times and I'll stand up 8 displays of detrimental dedication?

I suppose it must vary from person to person, as for myself, I suppose I'm still trying to figure that one out. When do you say enough is enough and give up, and when should you keep trying? All our lives we are fed these conflicting bullshit lines of hope, that really don't amount to anything and just contradict one another. They'll say a winner never quits in the same breath they say know when to walk away.

In the end it's all about the bloody outcome...if you continue over and over and finally achieve your goal, you'll go down as a stupid footnote to some cliche line about overcoming adversity...and conversely, should you never obtain that goal you'll be Moral Number 77, quit while ahead.

If at first you don't succeed try and try again, unless that is you're trying the same thing over and over again...then you're just insane.

So I'm preparing for this November, or Move-ember, or Mo-vember as people call it now - growing a mustache to support testicular cancer awareness - I like to mesh the Mo with Moves and testicular cancer with cancer, so it's Move-ember to me..all encompassing.

So there you have it, I'll see you at the cross-roads.











"To anyone I've ever met: I'll see you all again after our long journey to the middle."

Something That Should Be Said

because nobody dares to question certain groups..
...because that would be racist/bigot/etc

something i posted the other day...


WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS NOT MEANT AS ANY FORM OF DISRESPECT OR HATE...IN ALL ACTUALITY IT IS TO CAUSE AWARENESS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

That being said, please, do not comment if you're going to be a jerk.


I do not support the wearing purple thing that's going on today, not because it's about homosexuality, but because in a nutshell, it's ignorant. How many children get bullied every single day for various things: wearing glasses, eating glue, having a bad haircut - do you not think those kids don't commit suicide? End bullying altogether, not because some gay killed them self, but because bullying is bad in general. Care about the real fucking issue always, not when some minoritol group gets attacked..it's reverse discrimination when we start catering to people because they are different all the while neglecting everyone else..

but my point is this, when kids were getting bullied and committing suicide before, nobody gave two good fucks about anything...all of a sudden a homosexual commits suicide for being bullied and the world stops. So is the point we are trying to make is, ohh, i don't care if you get bullied or picked on for being different..unless that difference is your sexual preference (which, although is wrong, is still not a legal union in most of these states) We are trying to be sooo PC that we are really going backwards. It goes the same way for race. Example: White kid gets beat up by a black kid=whatever. Black kid gets beat up by white kid=hate crime...because we are putting these labels and causing these concerns we are only perpetuating the differences, the stereotypes, the hate.

I am not trying to be a dick about it, as my random bits thrown in would tell you how I feel about current legislation..but, I just feel it's very selfish on the gay community's behalf. The gay community has the month of June as gay pride month, usually (and intentionally) having the big parades on Father's Day - then they just had a day a couple of weeks ago, coming out day - to which i also made a comment about...

in a nutshell, there's no "i'm straight day" or "i like oranges day" - it's as though every bit of the gay community's life is being forced down our throats, to the extent and extreme as comparable to religious holidays

And sure, cyber-bullying is now largely popular..but again, where's the national awareness, the banners, T-shirts, or an anti-cyber-bullying day..again, there's not

Today is all about "anti-bullying gays" when it should be "anti-bullying" in general

picking people out of the crowd and singling them out, their issues, and trying to make us "all aware" only causes more problems..it's like saying, "don't press this red button"...somewhat. my point is, make this an anti bullying day instead of an anti bullying gays only day

if they want to be inclusive as a whole in society, they need to stop making groups/petitions/etc based on exclusivity. it's selfish to tack on the cause to every other little cause and call it your own.

Again, I in no way am trying to offend anyone with these comments, please understand that, I support you, but I also support causes that make sense while supporting the big picture without alienation or tacking on ulterior motives

my problem is within the community itself - it's like kids getting bullied is ok, but kids getting bullied deserves a special day...being straight and knowing it is fine, but coming out gets a day...soon it'll be like having cancer is ok, but being gay and having cancer gets a day or being gay and stubbing your toe gets a day.. i'm not trying to be a dick or cause more problems, i am trying to cause awareness that EVERYONE gets bullied and THAT needs to have it's day of support..without ulterior motives

Yes the gay community has a lot of hate thrown it's way by the government, the churches, etc but that movement to change all that is happening...now in fact. (Let me remind you that only 28 countries recognize Same Sex Unions.....out of 196. The US isn't the only pricks in the matter for all of those hating on the US..Lily Allen I'm looking in your direction....)

And the only mistreatment i see, is the fact that the LGBT movement keeps getting pushed down my throat "We're queer, we're here, we ain't going anywhere" i get it, i support it...but what i won't support is this media/holiday blitzkreig that has been going on. If there was a magic button I could press that would make people more ok with the LGBT community, make same sex unions legal, and make all this LGBT propaganda go away, I would push it in a heart beat. Everyone has problems, everyone has issues no matter what kind of person they are...women had to fight for rights, blacks had to fight for rights, and now the LGBT community has to fight for rights..i get that..i'm just really sick of the selfish propaganda as much as they're probably sick of the hate..the street goes both ways my dear...I'ma let you do your thing, just don't get in my face about it...

ever wonder why people hates the Jehova's witnesses...same principal.

To conclude, the recent suicides made national attention and brought awareness of kids being bullied. If everyone in every community would have seen this as an opportunity to end all bullying that would have been great. We could have had the "Anti-Bullying Day" and still worn purple in memory of the homosexuals who lost their lives that made us all aware of the extremes that is bullying. But wen you go an ad one little word into that day, it changes everything.

What happened with those kids sucks, what happens with ALL kids being bullied sucks. Instead of addressing the BIG picture of bullying as a whole, the gay community kept it an exclusive thing, and what I'm saying is I don't think that's right or fair. It's not fair to everyone else being bullied. Plenty of kids go through their lives, mainly in school, getting called names for things they have no control over. So what if they have glasses or red hair or whatever. the point is people are people, in the end we are all the same .

Bullying is wrong, domestic abuse is wrong, discrimination in all forms is wrong...

End the Hate.








"It's an objective observation, and I'm sorry that I wasn't swallowed up in the propaganda and wanted to stand for ALL equality and against bullying on EVERYONE."

National Doughnut Day!

if america runs on dunkin...
..consider me Usain Bolt

donuts, is there anything they can't do?

so today is national doughnut day..the first friday of june every year....i don't know the story behind it, why that day in particular, i just roll with it. so i made a mission to hit up the three major doughnut shops on the southside; DD, KK, and Long's.

my first stop was my beloved Dunkin Donuts. They had a promotion for the day, if you buy any drink, you get a donut for free..alright, i have time for that..although this is very similar to their standard everyday promotion of buy a coffee and get a donut for free...whatever, DD is my favorite, i think i like the cake versus whatever everyone else uses..

the next stop was onto Krispy Kreme. now unlike DD, KK had no signage or banners or anything informing people that it was NationalDonutDay, so i was skeptical...already having a dislike for KK this was not going to go over well with me...now i'm sure what it is i don't like about KK, but if i had to say i think it was everyone's overhype about a sub-par product..that i didn't grow up on KK, but rather DD reminds me of weekends spent with my grandparents...that DD is part of my life whereas KK is an infiltrator...well, lucky for them they were celebrating the holiday..all you have to do is walk in and get your free donut of any kind...this is similar to their "when the light is on, come and get a free donut" - granted it's just their standard donut, it still is an every day thing...none-the-less i am happy with my blueberry frosted donut and we are on to our third and final stop.

we pull up to long's bakery, the quote staple for donuts in indy endquote. again, no signs or anything making note of the holiday, so we head inside..there's a line so i think this must be a good indication, then again, everyone "loves" long's so it could just be that..we make it to the front of the line and i ask the lady behind the counter if they are doing anything special for the holiday made just for them...the lady is aware of the holiday, but apparently long's doesn't acknowledge it and therefore are not doing anything special in terms of pricing or give-aways. i preceded to make a scene, quoting the quote mentioned earlier in this paragraph, and leave letting them know this was the final straw...i would officially be boycotting Long's - again, another dislike for another donut shop because people claim it to be better than anything else..how dare they..

the only donut shop that could rival DD would be Square Donuts based out of TheHole..sure they are KK like, but the shape is what makes them...they opened one in Btown and for those of you who have yet to try them...seriously do...granted the one in Btown has erratic hours, if you see they are open with the sign on, go in, you will be amused and happy!

but like all good things, my holiday must come to an end...sure it is friday, but i'm scheduled? this will be the first friday i have worked since...valentine's weekend? so i suit up and head on in...but are there donuts at work..no....ughhh, i'm losing faith in people...











"today is what day? -- FUCK YEAH DONUT DAY!"

..Have Another Please?

the actual holiday..
..that just won't end...

wait, didn't i just have a long day yesterday?

my alarm is going off, i open my eyes and start grabbing at where i believe the noises are coming from..eventually my flailing is rewarded. i look at the clock and see that it's 8:35am, that means i slept through my first alarm and that was my backup, great. well it's a good thing i passed out in my clothes, more time to get ready i suppose. a good ol fashioned whore shower is all i have time for- that's where you don't actually shower, you just rub on some deodorant and spritz some cologne a couple of times and you are all set - grab my bag and i'm out the door...

it's sunday morning, the sun is shining brightly, and i'm heading back to work - it's a weekend and early enough for me to get a good parking spot today, which makes me a little happier with my disposition...ughhhh, back to work at 9am...not only did i agree to come in an hour and a half earlier, i also agreed to work the night shift tonight as well, what was i thinking last night, oh right...those illusive dollars signs...like titties on a girl..

i get to work just as the first wave of reservations start walking in the door - but it's not until an hour or later when i actually get my first table, then for what was i there so early...it was the start of how my entire day would go...

i worked in a section the was devoid of any parties, the only section mind you, with nothing larger than a three top sat in it...everybody was running around like John Wayne Bobbitt with his....you get the picture (early 90's slang anyone?) but as for me, it takes a lot to get me in the weeds...moving fast, not so much as that's just how i operate, but i was slow, had the lowest cover count, and just dicked around by making fun of everyone else..people get pissed when they are crazy busy and i walk past them casually with my phone in my hand updating my tweeter..

the rush comes to a lull, so the crew from lunch quickly puts the kitchen back in order - its amazing to see just how disheveled a kitchen can become during it's peak hours..the more war-torn the alley and kitchen become, the harder it is for servers to do their jobs..making only more of a mess...it's a wicked process that all comes down to, if you would have done it right the first time, it wouldn't be so bad now...

the doubles all get to take a break except me, i stay on, with the 'reward' of getting to take care of a ten top at 4. my 'break' consisted of me sitting down to do my checkout from lunch, while making calls to all four of my mothers, and watching my ten top get sat on camera...

from there on out my night was a bust....the first ten top racked up a bill close to 600, which may sound good to you, but i'm at a place where my average PPA is over a hundred....*whispers* that means based off of my sales i average over a hundred dollars a head, so this party basically took a shit on me..my five top turned into a three top, leaving me with a verbal tip and 9%...at this point i started pleading with the manager to send me home - i actually made the mention of getting rid of me somewhere around 2:30 when my day had already turned to shit, i had the hopes of salvaging it by calling it a night and enjoying the beautiful weather..not so much...

i swear the hosts were having a blast seating me..in the morning it was any walk-in that came off the street, no actual reservations for me...nothing but slacked jawed yokels...at the point i was blowing up i actually made the comment that i had had more foreigners and colored people in my section today than i've had in the past year, what's next, Asians?! the host hands me a ticket that lets me know i've just been sat, i go out to greet my new table, and the couple, well..they're Asian...

the manager knows i'm not having it - i'm not the only one though, most of the staff are all strung out from the shift earlier, many worked the night prior as well..something about this weekend killed everyone...i've worked 27 hour shifts, i've put in over 40 hours in three days, i've worked Halloweekends, but this weekend i tells ya...something must have been in the air..

the manager did his very best to throw me bones all night long, my cover count had to be something outrageous by the end of it all - i'm guessing like 40 - but my sales and entree count would reflect differently...people were not out to spend money in my section, not on the food nor the service..maybe they saw it in my face, maybe i was so weary i could no longer keep my 'server facade' up and it snowballed down, i don't know.

my favorite part of the night was right after i got 10% off the Asians and was told i was still on, i was at a terminal ringing in an order or something when this bitch of a hostess comes over, grabs my hand, pulls it back, as i am pecking away mind you, all to see what time it was. i, in what was later refereed to as a stone cold sober look, said,"do it again and i'll bitch slap you" then turned my head back to the terminal and started re-pecking...the only time i ever appear to be serious is when i'm pissed, go figure...just a few moments later i walked by the manager on duty and said, "oh yeah, the pregnant hostess is probably gonna come to you later about something and it's probably all true too" - she's known for her tattling on anyone for anything.

i couldn't have asked for a worse night, as if my tables weren't bad enough, the kitchen couldn't cook the food right if their lives depended on it...over cooks, under cooks, out right ignoring my message of 'NO ONIONS!'...i was about to go back there and make it myself, but no, not really. and even with all the comps, free desserts, and free wine people still couldn't open up their wallets..

it was at the end of the night, i was helping a busser clean up one of my tables as my last table were saying their goodbyes. he knew i had been having a rough night so he made the comment, "well, they seemed nice, maybe they made up for it" i laughed and said to him, "think of it like this, all is on the line with that last table..it's like it is the bottom of the ninth, bases are loaded, it's a full count...and i need a 10 run homerun in order to win...that's about where i am at" we get up from the one table and move to the recently departed table..."the wind up, here's the pitch...it's a swing" as i flip open the check presenter 'it's probably the most decent hit we've seen all night, but it's just not enough to pull this young team out of the hole this time Bob'

my real reward for the day is somehow i got by without doing sidework all day long, only having to make 1 rack of sets, and still managing to make rent all in one day..hell i've worked just as hard for a lot less...i was happy with the end results by checkout time, though i know it could have been greater, it was just the means to get there that was so troublesome....

i clock out, somehow i managed to get seven hours of overtime this week...then i remembered i also had to stay til 1:30 in the morning on tuesday..ughhh, this week has been killer, err, wrong wording...when i arrive home i immediately hop into the shower...the warm water feels like a comfy blanket..i take a seat in the tub and sigh, it's been a long day.










"i need a drink, a pair of titties, and humor....where do you fall in those categories"

Mother May I..

longest day of the year...
..felt like today

give me the strength to make it til tomorrow...

let me start this off with a nice positive note...Happy Mother's Day to all my future Baby Mommas out there...that out of the way, onto other matters, ughhhhhhhhhhh. as i tend to say, before i go into what happened on this sunday, i'll say it all started yesterday...and really i can say it started the day before that...or the day before that....there's always something prior that's for sure...

Saturday - my first day back to work from the trip to ohio..so the prior back stories are that even though i may not have worked thursday nor friday - my first days off since..weeks? - both days were chaotic and stressfull enough - and i am beginning to hate driving in a car for long points in time all of a sudden now.....to sum it all up...saturday was a really long day...i worked a double...it was decently nice out, yet the patio didn't have the pop like it has had the past couple of weeks...they called in two extra servers in 'fears of the rush' ultimately dropping everyone's cover count to about eight guests...and even though it sounds like we were standing around with our thumbs up our asses, we actually weren't....we were all keeping busy either on sidework, or random tasks the managers felt needed to be done. My favorite was when we, as in the 2 breakfast and 2 lunch servers, were given the inventory sheets and told to go at it...then about an hour or so later two other servers come strolling in to, uhh, save us...from the rush? obviously since we were doing more work on those sheets than with guests...

but despite having too many servers i never got a break and rolled right into my evening shift - though i kept my spirits throughout my entire night shift, even with what could have been a disastrous conversation, i am never serious, thus taking the more comedic side to it. i had just did my cash out from lunch and walked into the kitchen to start working on things for the dinner shift.

as i am reading the floor chart and sidework sheets a server walks up to view the items as well when all of a sudden the walrus goes off into this rant about a wristband i have on.."i didn't know you were a faggot, what's with the wristband faggot, did you just get off the court from shooting hoops, god that's gay, you move in with a homo and you turn into one?" i let the server continue with these insults and more, and just sit there..then i think by the look on my face the walrus realizes something is up, that or he just ran out of breath, and now it is my turn...i explain to him that my best friend had passed away this week, we all wore red to the funeral, and i've been wearing that wristband since his passing in memory of him. the walrus interrupts at a point and asks if i was kidding, i chuckle as i reply with "i wish i were joking, but sadly i'm not" the walrus makes a motion of hanging himself, apologizes, but tries to defend himself saying how was he supposed to know....i'm hardly ever serious so i let him know it's all ok, he did not have any way of knowing and i am not going to hold anything against him, it was humorous..and it reminded me i needed to pull my sleeve down a little further as it had worked it's way up on my arm during my first shift.

Even when a conversation got dark i still entertained myself all night with ideas for my next blog, the development of the character of "gary", and all the other random quotes from the night..it was enough to keep my mind occupied....i pooled with another server in one of the private rooms that were available for open seating...funny that my one table of 8 people spent more money than all of his other tables combined...good thing i worked the host stand to get that table in our room as opposed to some other server's section....but as the night started to wind down, so did my energy levels...it was midnight before i got to sit down for the first time all day...and that was when i went to the bathroom...that's right, i pissed sitting down i was that tired - i didn't care how emasculating it was...i needed to sit.

it was a former co-worker's birthday saturday night and she was celebrating it at the cigar bar downtown...lucky for me (or for the owners really) it is located just on the corner of the alley out from my restaurant...so i call my friend to meet me outside - this is twofold A) i don't want to go in and have 'one' drink and get suckered into staying all night long, especially after today, especially having to work tomorrow..and 2) indy still has yet to ban smoking in their bars, so i know that when i go home tonight i'm just gonna passout in the clothes i am wearing..and wreak of smoke...even if i just pop my head in for two seconds, it will attach itself to me like a ditsy blond onto a doctor...

we meet outside, talk for a bit, exchanging the latest news or gossip, talks of work, etc...she knows me to not be one of the people to have sand in my vagina when it comes to hanging out or doing things so she knows something must be up about why i can't stay for very long...then she says to me, "wow, you look tired..and i know you...you can go two days without sleep and still look a lot better than that..you do need to go" ughhh, i carry all my emotion in my face, even if it is all bottled up on the inside.

i depart and head back home, Gary greets me at the front door confused...i left work before him, yet got home after him..i remind him i am a better person than he is and made the effort to at least stop the bar to wish our friend a happy birthday...and even though i was one of few from work who did stop by, i still felt shitty for not staying out, but, that's just me and that's how i roll...no excuses, just live.

i kick off my shoes, which feel permanently attached to my feet, start to derobe, but i do not make it that far before i find myself in my bed, setting the alarm for tomorrow...even earlier time in...and in mid conversation, i fall asleep....










"there's two more hot chicks than wedding rings on that table"

E-arth Day?

who actually cares?
google?

so on the one day i'm supposed to hug a tree or whatever i did the exact opposite.

i suppose the opposite would be to yell at a tree, and i haven't done that yet..maybe the opposite is to ignore a tree..and i know i've done that...just walked on by like it didn't even exist, that'll get back at her for cheating on me while we were 'on a break', yeah, i bet i just ruined her day!

whoa, anyways...today was earth day or some shit and frankly, i think you can tell, but i could give two less shits about it...i try to do my part on my own, i don't use plastic bags, i used to bike and walk to work - hell i still park far away and walk..but this being forced to give a damn, no...this is how ignorance happens...you start force feeding your fucking causes down my throat and i'll go 180 on you...awareness my ass, you're just trying to make other's lives as horrible by making them succumb to your pathetic and tolerate you...jew, gays, blacks, i've had enough...

so seriously, earth day...it was somewhere in the afternoon and our class was on our hour lunch break so we headed on over to the mall's food court - what are we like twelve - not my idea...and who's ever idea it was should have been punched in the face..the firefighters convention is in town - and as much as they would like to be called the FDIC, i'm sorry, that has already been taken, try again - along with some schools deciding it would be an amazing idea to take a field trip..to down town? don't ask me what the fuck is beneficial or mentally stimulating about indy...there's no architecture worth noting, not a lot of original things remain...it's just a fucking shithole..the chicago fire should have happened here, and now!

anyways, food court...the place is packed, the lines are long..there goes our break for sure..so we all decided to stay together and we get in line for Chinese...one person makes a mention "well, we know if there's a fire we're safe" - are you fucking kidding me, i'm sure these marshalls are about to have a heart attack for the overpopulation of people in this one area...should there be a fire we would all get trampled to death..and you better believe i'm pushing you first bitch.

so as we are getting our food, to-go now, the lady asks if we want a plastic bag - as if our Styrofoam containers weren't bad enough..well, that same bitch who made the comment about the fire says yes. I am in an uproar now..."What?! are you kidding me, it's earth day and you're getting a plastic bag...what the fuck do you need it for?!" - "Well, i may have to carry it back to class" - "and are your arms fucking broke or something..how does the bag assist in the carrying of one lightweight box?" - "*no reply*

so my turn comes up - "you want bag?" - "me, oh, yes please..yes, i would love a plastic bag..in fact double bag it..i may have to carry it" said as i throw my straw wrapper to the ground...yeah, that's right....take that mother nature....i hate my real mother so you're no different!!!

but i'll let you know, it was a really nice day today...the walk back to my car (that mile) was enjoyable..and back at home i went out onto the patio with my lappy and enjoyed the sunlight while i made this blog....awwwwww

i hope everyone catches the sarcasm in this post..if not, i come off as some sort of asshole, and i really just want to come off as a clearly distinguished asshole..not any sort...









"Go green?! i look horrible in green, choose another color please"

Cas/Lax/Thurs

whatwhat?!
no times for grammar....

So what's all this hype about this "Cas/Lax/Thurs" I've been hearing about?!

well, let me tell you.....Cas/Lax/Thurs, or CLT for the time being..because in honor of the day i'm getting tired of even giving you the short-hand version, is, well, in short..a day of 'keeping it real' Despite what you may think, it is not a day of rest. However it is a day for relaxing - not stressing out - not getting excited, just a very mellow day.

The name originates from Casual, for the Cas - Relaxed, or Lax - and Thursday turned to the shirthand version of Thurs...put it together and what do you get - Cas/Lax/Thurs....or CLT for the moment...

So what do you do on CLT? well, it's really no different from any other day except for the fact you just tone it down...take it from an eleven to about a five...you bring your "C" game to work...you no longer possess that 'sense of urgency' because you don't need to...on CLT you just go about you daily routine and kick back, soaking life up while you go about your mundane life...

yes that's right..in a way CLT is all about taking the time to appreciate the little things in life - sure we all kid and joke around with how we half-ass the day, but it's in the 'not caring' (as much) that we focus on the essentials we've all been missing out on...

it's taking your mind off of all the things that have been troubling you those other non-relax days - it's where the rules and specs and shit like that are kicked to the wayside - it's like the sabbath for those who don't care as much...it's prepping you for the much needed weekend...it is what it is, it's what we do, or rather what we don't do...its cas/lax/thurs...

"Wait...did you just say Cas/Lax/Thurs could be said as 'CLiT'?!"

Happy St Patty's Day

Guinness...
Green...

good things happen on spring break...

Woooooo..March has a lot of things to celebrate, what with Pi Day, the Ides of March, March Madness, Daylight Saving Time, and of course, St Patrick's Day it's hard to muster up the strength to pull myself out of bed and throw something green on - or maybe it's still the cold talking

i realized this morning that in light of my illness i had not been on par with my daily hygiene, so to speak - in fact during my friday into sunday slumber i had been awake maybe a total of twenty minutes..eyes open for a third of that really...and i used the bathroom, what, twice, if that..

So it was after all this i realized that the green i had been donning wasn't something i particularly should be...one of the pluses of being sick is you cannot smell just how bad you (may) wreak

awesome..on that note i shower..but i don't shave, i leave the scruffy facial hair, makes me feel like some sort of a renegade..you know it's not often in my life i get to keep the facial hair, everywhere i've ever worked has always frowned upon it..so i'll take what i can get in the meantime...

speaking of work - i got a voicemail today from work, asking not only where i was, but having the audacity to tell me that 'word is' that my facebook status updates say that i am doing well..but not at work.. *breathe* every time i start to talk about this i get furious..for like five reasons...first of all i have only made 4 updates in the past six days...if that isn't a sign that i'm sick, i don't know what is....and whoooo the helllll is telling management about my facebook status updates..especially inacurratly...ughh..makes me wanna burn that place to the ground...

so with all that being said...it's St Patty's Day...forget about all the cares in the world, grab a Guinness, wear a little green, and start a fight...it's you're god given Irish right!










"I may be deathly ill..but i swear i'll kick someone's ass today.."

It's a New Year

new beginnings..
not really..

yay...a new year, a time for new...things?

so i brought in the new year a lot better than i brought in '08...granted it was not completely how i wanted it to be, but, a step up is still a step up, and that's all we need right, baby steps? i was with friends, i wasn't at work, i drank champagne, i had balloons fall on me, i kissed a girl at midnight, all things good, just one element missing really. speaking of kissing a girl...i think..i think that this was the first ever new years i've rung in by kissing a girl, a legitimate kiss and a legitimate girl

looking back i can recall countless times of me and a girlfriend supposed to be spending the end of the year together, but for whatever reason, through whatever arrangements, it's never worked out...'01 through '04 the bitch of an ex always started a fight with me and would purposefully not be with me on that time..this would later come to bite her in the ass in '06 when she tried to come down to btown and 'redeem' herself for years prior...i blew her off, it was unannounced and we hadn't spoke in a long time..it was just weird...that's not how a romance story begins...

ughh, sorry, off topic...last year i rang in the new year with douche tools in a restaurant bearing my own name, away from all forms of family or friends or lovers...i vowed to never work on NYE again, i'd take the hit to my bank account on that one and call it a night...i need to have some sort of normal life..

my new years day really consisted of nothing...i watched football games, felt bad to be apart of the big 10, built a gingerbread house, and just enjoyed the days off...i toyed with new years resolutions and sayings...what's popular seems to be "Fine in '09" - honestly i don't know what that means, i'm content with '09 as long as it is better than the year prior....a resolution i'm gonna try is, "being nice in '09" - we will see how long that lasts...especially after i already made a girl cry because i "put her on the spot" - whatever...i just try to help people, and its usually an awkward situation...maybe i'll stop being a better person in hopes to be nice...what a twist...

"Hoooouse"

Peace, I'm Outta Here

screw you '08
and whatnot

out wit the old, in with the new, auld lang syne, and all that same ol shit people say

so the year is officially coming to a close..."something great in '08"...i remember saying that...i don't remember that actually happening..i suppose a lot happened..but then again a lot can happen in a day, a week, a month..a lifetime...it's all a point of relevance really...

sooo, let's recap the year to the best of my ability....

started bringing in the new year at work, in the hole, sans girlfriend, sans best friend, only surrounded by coworkers, holding a phone, almost in tears because it was probably the worst way to ring in the new year to date...i vowed to never having to work new years at midnight again...there was a break, then a trip to florida where i found out disney world is the happiest place on earth..when you're drunk...

my first time ever being there thanks to faulty promises made by my mother...so i went with my boyfriend...ears and bears, medieval times gave me soup, i watched a dog get beat for no reason, and i made us look like tourists as we drove with the top down in 60 degree weather...but sadly we had to return to reality which settled in as we stepped off the plane into the cleveland airport where the snow and twenty degree weather blew over my sandals...i tried to secure my stay in ohio, for the greater good..but that deal went south, err west, err, i went west...back to indy..

through convenience the west and i got back together...i made the transition to food runner at my job and found a place to officially live...i continued to work two jobs and travel back and forth to the hole...at one point i was traveling the 70 mile trip without brakes on my car...my birthday came and i worked a double, but in the end all was well...the girl i was dating went back to CP for the summer, which opened up a can of worms..

i quit my job in the hole as they needed me less...jade came over to spend a day with me and even though it started out well, by the end of it we were telling each other to fuck off and die...july fourth spent in chicago - not a really fun time, but i tried to make the most of it..later in the month came a trip to CP which panned out nicely, even made a stop over in the rowdy to visit TJ...

i finally became a server after the race in indy and TJ came out to indy...we looked like idiots trying to get scalped tickets for the Dark Knight release...bad planning as always led to us watching the movie in a regular theater and not IMAX. i began biking to work, but it lasted only a month up until my bike got stolen from work..on a shift i wasn't even supposed to be at technically.

i made a trip out to see my grandparents out in MO, too late to see my dog one last time though..school started but that doesn't concern me...september 11th proved to be a date of significance when the girl i was dating decided then we should break up...two days later she fucked someone else....this allowed for me to rekindle things out east..but the winds of change would soon blow that out too

i looked for an outlet and found it in various forms...i started hanging out with people once again which soon led to the move from the crazy cat ladies place - that and the fucking cat box was put back outside..i grew up a bit and tied myself down by signing a lease for a year on the southside of town.

through a series of mis-events and anomalies a new bond was formed with a girl on upsetting terms. a first date to hold a record for the ages and another michigan loss to oswho..not to mention a michigan season not worth mentioning..the holidays came and i hated them more than i did the years prior, naturally...the economy fell, work got slow, i began to work less, and an unqualified black man became president of the united states free world...

so 08 turned out to be a crapshoot...i'm sure i missed a bunch of other events but i don't remember anything...sooooo....whatevs....

"what's the quote of the year?"