Indeed

ee...
ahh..

that's a horrible pun

so, as many of you have no idea, I'm going to India...in a few hours.  I am going to spend my R&R there.  R&R is essentially the government realizing that making you work every single day, for a year straight, away from friends, and family, and everything normal, in a weird country surrounded by sand, is just not cool.  So they "compensate" you by flying you to wherever you want to go, and fly you back.  15 days off to do as you wish (within reason I suppose).  Most people fly back to the states, which is nice and all...but logistically speaking...it's dumb.  Think about it.  You're going to fly over 24 hours, to try and get readjusted to the ass-backward time frame..and by the time you get used to it all, it's another 24 hours flight back to where you left a fortnight ago...Plus, it's the States..I've been there, granted I haven't been everywhere, but..I'm on the other side of the world..I'm going to take advantage of that.

So that brings me to India.  Now, granted I probably could have planned it a little better...I didn't realize the Visa process while being deployed would be as grueling as it was.  Also to note, I am traveling in May, which is an off-season for travel due to the intense heat.  Crap.

But, what makes me write this post, is not to brag about whatever...but rather...because I'm actually nervous.  Never before have I ever taken a real vacation...not since I was a child I suppose.  I mean, I've taken time off of work, "vacation days" to visit friends and family..drive across the country..do those things..but it wasn't necessarily new places with crazy fun itineraries.  This is different, this is real travel.

The last time I took a vacation was in January of 2008.  My best friend and I went to Disneyworld - partially because I had never been there and he wanted to fulfill that dream for/with me.  I believe it was one week or so..staying with his grandparents...driving a mustang around..living the dream.

I've been to foreign countries..South Korea, though for work, was a lovely experience I and would very much like to visit again; whether for work or personal business.  But, still, there's a piece of me that is scared of going through with this...for whatever reason.  Sure I've been planning this for months on end.  And sure I had a travel agency map out the best itineraries.  And sure every thing is covered, from hotels to ground transportation to tours...

but..I don't know...this is a new world for me...it's everything I've ever wanted to do...and now..I'm doing it.














“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” 

Hello There, You

A story,

Nothing like before

Shortly.

I've been telling myself I need to write, I've been saying the words in my head so much they've actually manifested aloud.  And the recent conversations to me of my blog only have brought it more to the present.

The Holidays.  I started to get into a comfortable place the other day, I use the term 'comfortable' very loosely here as it's actually a very unpleasant feeling.  What was comfortable, rather, was the familiarity of it.  I was off of work, and knowing I didn't have to be back for another 48 hours took a weight off my shoulder like never before.  These feelings used to come so much easier not too long ago.  Just getting two days off in a row would do this for me; but now, with the routine, two days just isn't enough.

I can put the blame on Sunday.  Sunday is one of my days off, the most worthless day in my book.  here's what usually happens.  Friday, get out of work, never early, but continue with my week things and routines. Friday night I'm likely to still get into bed at the same time as i did the night prior..but I sleep in Saturday.  Sure sleeping in for me now is something like waking up at 8:35; but I take my piss and go back to bed.  Waking sometime once the double digits hit.  I'll make my breakfast and slowly begin my day, never really getting it out of, and at worse into, second gear.  Once 4:30 hits I'm back out for the count, a mid-day nap for no reason other than why not.  I awake an hour or so later rearing to go!  But of course by then it's a little late to get very much accomplished....maybe go to the gym..maybe hit the grocery store..but that's about all i can do.  And then sunday comes around.  Now that I've used a day to rest up, I'm good to go the next..the only problem is; mostly everything is closed on a Sunday.  This 'holiday' weekend has been no different.

I kept with my Christmas tradition and rented some Redbox movies (though I can't get (too) drunk, as I do not have tomorrow off from work).  Call it what you will, but the movies I've been watching have had something to do with writing; book, stories, what have you...this consistent theme must have struck a chord with me as here I am now, writing, telling you nothing but garbage.

I'm losing my bearing here.  There's a lot on my mind -  things started to flare up over the weekend, but I took a friend's company to drown out anything surfacing.  Maybe I'm not completely derailed and this upcoming 96 will take me to where I need to go.  I'm hoping so, because I really was all over the place in this one, yet I don't think I got anywhere.

Here's looking at tomorrow...

"..if only my dreams involved tomorrow"

You

fucking

ruined

me

Sigh, that comment is directed to a number of people, including myself, so don't take it the wrong way. Ehh, I don't feel like going down that path right now, I'm still trying to catch up from this past week, what with the holiday and visitors and all. I guess I just wanted to get that statement out there, get it said. Funny, because almost every night as I lay in bed, right before I pass out I think of a title for my next blog - and they've pretty much all been something along the lines of one word phrases calling someone out on something.

It's sumer, and I don't write much in summer..I guess my mind goes on its own little vacation without me knowing it…maybe its just habitual now after all those years of schooling…may ending the year and the end of august kicking it back off.

I remember hating trying to get back into the grove of things in august..back on a sleep schedule, back on any schedule, back to making your head retain pointless knowledge all the while trying to remember everything you forgot in those few months off.

Maybe summer school would be good for kids..maybe year round school would be good for kids. Of all the archaic institutions in America, it seems silly to still let children off from school during the summer months to tend to the crops. Of course this type of thinking would only anger everyone…wonder why we are listed so low on the most intelligent nations list.

Right now everything in my life and around me is a mess…but not such a chaotic mess..more like that uncomfortable numb acceptance mess…like you're that sock in the washing machine that's just kinda sitting in the middle of things as the center blades churn back and forth. You're getting tugged and pulled in all directions, but it's not violent. You're kinda floating, not really getting sucked down into the mix of things..but you realize, even that would be better than where you are right now…because at least then you'd be doing something. you're just a sock in a washing machine, and nothing is living up to its purpose.

let's hope it's not a pink sock in the whites...

"to today, middle finger response"

Rocking the R.O.K.

fast facts..
fun facts..

the more you know….

Ok, so while out here in Korea I'm trying to dive into the culture as most as possible…learning a few words, socialisms, things like that…just trying to fit in i guess..but one thing I came across while reading some Korean hand-guide was an interesting fact about the flag..

insert picture here

ok, so check this out..each one of those outer blocks of lines means something..my favorite two are in the upper left hand corner, and the bottom opposite corner. The top - one with three full lines - represents Heaven. It's counter part, the one with six each dashes represents Earth.

Now it gets even cooler than that! The word for Heaven is Geon…and the word for Earth is Gon….ONE LETTER OFF! How Awesome?!

It also stands for Father/Mother..East/West..Spring/Summer....just some random cool things...

Ok, am I the only one who gets excited over things like this?! I think it's really freaking cool and I love little things like this..

ok, cultural hour is over, I now return you back to bla.







"Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, heaven is a place on earth. They say in heaven love comes first. We'll make heaven a place on earth."

Korea, Korea

I'm in Seoul,
but I'm not a soldier

you remind me of a west side story…

As you may have heard, or read, I'm in Korea - what? Yeah yeah, anyway I'm here for a duration of 30 days or so..the timeframe actually keeps changing since there's really nothing to do out here (???) So I will probably be home by March 11 - that's what they are telling me at least.

Anyway, just an update for you all…obviously I have the internet, and I also have my phone. Feel free to contact me at your leisure, do keep in mind I am traveler of both time and space..meaning, I'm pretty much a day ahead of y'all.

Other than that, I've only been here for a couple of days - though it didn't take long of an absence for some girl to move on, go figure. In lighter news I plan on hitting up the sights around here, already did the 6 mile run up to Seoul Tower…BAH

I'm sure I'll elaborate more on certain things in time to come..

Other than that, no news is good news right?










"I hate when you annihilate me out of your life..when my existence in your life is worse than my disappearance."

I've Made a Huge Mistake

it's never too late..
..except in this case..

then it's called a regret.

I'm leaving Cali, once again, and returning to Indy - I cannot say "home" because "home" would infer that Indy and I were on some sort of good terms and loved one another..nothing further could be from the truth.

I don't understand why I never made my move out here in 2010, June, like it was all planned for...but then again, I kinda do. My first trip out to the state of Cali, El Eh in fact, was in July of 2009..there's no difference in leaving one hot place and going to another...I left Indy during the warm summer months for a place that was just equally as warm, big whoop...it was like driving to the other part of the city, with palm trees and legal U-turns.

This time it was completely different. I left Indy's harsh January weather for an 80 degree sunny welcoming of the Greater Orange County area. It's a different world out there because of this. I rented a convertible - they tried to give me a Yaris, so as I am standing there, looking at my little compact humility, I turned around...in the spot across from me was a 2011 white convertible Mustang, you know, the same Mustang I looked at prior to getting my VR4...I walked back to the keyosk and asked to be switched, it's my vacation after-all. I was told there was an unexpected warm front that made the convertible a possibility this weekend, I would have never known. I was also told during my trip that the air was oddly clear for the duration of my stay...apparently LA wants me.

Warm weather. From the moment I hopped into my Mustang I took the top down and got on the freeway - it reminded me of the time in Jan of 2008 TJ and I went to Florida for a week. He rented a mustang convertible as well - granted the weather was something short of 60 when we were down there, again, it was a lot warmer than the winter snowstorm we had just left in Ohio.

What aroused my self-being was the fact it was so comfortably warm, yes it's a dry heat , nothing like the humid 80 we have in the midwest, but coupled with the fact that while I was driving north on the freeway I was driving towards a mountain range. Far in the distant I could see the snow-capped mountains and I was overcome with this unspeakable feeling. It was 80, yet I could see snow still. This was just about as exciting for me as it is for my dick to see a hot chick in a white skirt. It was this..not humbling..but rather comforting feeling...like as if Cali was saying, you'll never forget home after you call this home.

And in a weird way, it makes sense. I always used to say I could never (did you see I said never) live in a place like LA that had no distinct seasons...that I would want the leaves to change color in the fall, that I'd want snow on Xmas, all that shit...and really, that's been the only prohibiter from me really wanting to leave any of the times...not wanting to change, to lose a piece of myself, not being able to adjust. As I grew older instead of becoming more acclimated to the constant weather changes, I grew more and more hatred towards it.

Life is too short to dance with fat chicks and deal with the cold.

I realize this now, in my opinion all too late. I wished I would have just taken the one way trip and never looked back...but something happened a year ago that made that not an option, something that will change the course of my life from here on out. I happened to to care of a gentlemen who eventually became my recruiter. With only one year left of eligibility to join a group I had secretly wanted to become apart of since I was a child I jumped on that last minute opportunity.

At the time it made perfect sense to me...for the past several years I've openly scoffed at the idea of ever joining the military, yet deep down inside tossed around the possibilities. About three years ago I actually took the initiative to talk to a recruiter. She told me I was old, even for back then, she shut down my ideas, I didn't like her, I stopped thinking about it. It didn't help that NOBODY I talked to about it had any bit of encouragement. Everybody kept telling me there was another way to make my dreams come true, to do this or do that, that the military was a stupid option, I wasn't military, that all these thoughts need to go away. I accepted their concerns as being real and moved on.

Then, I don't know what it was, maybe it was the fact I was waiting on a recruiter, maybe it was me wanting out of Indy at any price possible, but I went back to talk to another recruiter. Again I had another life plan, it was accepted this time. I joined without telling anyone. It wasn't til after I signed my paperwork that I made the call to my parents.

My grandfather was the only one who was proud of me, everyone else was shocked and upset...from parents to friends - heck there's still a group of people getting signatures on a petition to make me stay. For once in my life I felt like I made a decision on something that I wanted, I WANTED. Looking back on the history of my life I've always followed in someone else's footsteps or lived the life they wanted me to live for them..people lived vicariously through me, people envied me...I envied them.

I moved to Btown because a group of friends invited me to, I worked at OG because a friend told me to, I worked up at CP because a friend said it would be good because he worked there and found himself, from there I moved to Hawai'i and worked on a cruise-ship based on one of my managers requests. After a second season at CP I moved to Indy because of a girl. Even my ill-fated attempts to move to Orlando were because of outside influences.

This time, this was me making a decision with no influences other than my own...my first real attempt at figuring out who I am and what I should do...and apparently that causes people to get all up in arms about it.

But now, I'm questioning my own decision in this...remember those life plans I had that were accepted...after more research and talks with recruiters, yeah, it's not possible. So I tried to change jobs, something I found interesting..I took the tests, I passed with flying colors, it was available, I thought I had walked through the door that opened when the other was closed...but I was wrong. The MOS didn't go through, I was stuck with my old job choice..the one I want nothing to do with because it will only remind me of a path that will dead-end, a life dream that will never happen, and possibly because I in't take that leap of faith three years ago..you remember, when I listened to everyone else except myself.

So as of right now, for the next four years I am supposed to do a job I want nothing to do with..and bitching about it is NOT what a Marine does. You are not supposed to care about what job you get so much as you are supposed to want to become a Marine - yeah I get that, but I know me, maybe not best but I still know me a great deal...and if I have to do this job for any given length of time, I'm going to hate it, hate my stint with the Marines, want to get out as soon as possible, making it only four years, and it'll probably still leave me wondering what the fuck to do with my life...let alone hate me for taking a chance on what I want to do, which will put me right back to where I was before, being directed on what to do next.

Sure a lateral move to that specific MOS is possible down the road, but if anyone knows me it's an all or nothing way of life..I don't want to fucking hop over and start over again on a MOS I wanted to begin with, I don't want to move backwards in this regard..It gets me so worked up thinking about it I'm actually getting flustered on the plane right now.

I'd much rather just gets sent to the job I picked, I wanted, and go from there...just to see what it's all about...you know..maybe I won't enjoy my time with the Marines, but I'd rather it be on my terms, something I picked, something I wanted to try out instead of going into it with a predisposed failure attitude.

All this makes me want to not go altogether. Not because I'm afraid of the hardships of boot, being away from...wherever..but because it's not going to be what I want..and there should be one phrase that comes to mind when you think of me, and it's, "I do what I want" - said in that really weird way i say it.

I don't know what I'd do out in LA, I don't have a specific dream I can really afford to follow, and I'm so over serving people it's retarded. I'm a man who's only getting older, with no degree except for in real life situations, who was never given and has yet to find a life compass.

I always go with my gut, but it appears he's out to lunch.










"I don't make regrets, I make decisions, regret is never an option"

In El Eh

the city that never sleeps..

err, the sunshine state...

wait, eureka!

my time spent actually in El Eh was limited...i arrived Friday night and was at the apartment by 6pm, their time (real time, people time? not sure) during the course of my travels i acquired an appetite, who even knew what time it really was, my body was done questioning and just wanted answers..in the form of food.

i'm a fan of local fare (fair?) so the roommates brought me to one of their local favs, a place called Home...quaint little concept that i liked. it would be here that

I'm Baaaack...

From LA that is....
maybe to blogging as well...

but let's not get our hopes up...

el eh el eh...oh what a trip it was, but the time spent in el eh was actually relatively small, details to follow in another post..i left the midwest at noon eastern time friday...made a stop in st louis at the same time i departed..i love transcending time and space..two hour layover later i was back in the air...ughh, how i hate flying...mainly my panicking takes places from take off til about 10 minutes later when we are in the air...then i go to sleep overdosed on Dramamine and alcohol...it would have been awesome to have slept all the way to El Eh but the pilot kept interrupting my nap with *ding*Ahhhhh yeah, if you look out to your left you can see* i don't care...the last thing i want while i'm riding in a plane is to notice landmarks miles and miles below me....is that so when we crash i can say, oh, at least i got to see death valley...fuck that.

i land in El Eh and right off the bat i'm a stranger in a strange land. it wasn't a disco..and it sure as hell wasn't a country club...my friend had emailed me directions on how to get to her place..hopping on a bus to the train, change colored lines, ended up somewhere where a roommate would pick me up..convoluted but after having done it once it all made sense. i asked the nice elderly lady behind the guest help desk at the airport where to catch the greenline metro bus....which is the first time i was yelled at...

so i went to where the lady told me to go....a bus pulls up but it's for the red line...everybody around me gets on..i'm the only one left standing there like a tard..the bus driver now is yelling at me "red line! red line!" i tell him green line...to which he yells for me to go somewhere else..just as i see the green line bus drive by...ughhh

El Eh has the best customer service, ever. the green line goes a little more smoothly...we get to the train station and once again i am lost...i try to follow the herd as some go to a ticket machine, others run up the flight of stairs all the while thinking of those little lemurs who off themselves following the person ahead of them..i go to the ticket machine then head up the stairs..only to just miss that train...well, i guess i know better for next time..

the train ride was an experience let me tell you....the green line had a bit of redemption and welcoming to the city that made me think and feel like this could be home. at one of the various stops an african-american gentleman wearing earphones and a backpack gets on, standing in proximity of me. at this point in the trip i believe i turned off my music to conserve battery in my phone, but left my one ear piece in. i start to hear a bit of music faintly coming from somewhere..i couldn't tell if it was part of the metro car i was in, or someone else..i started to narrow it down coming to the conclusion it was coming from the black guy who just got on...but what was more striking was what i heard. the music had a familiar sound, but it was just faint enough i couldn't readily make it out..

only after the next stop once things got quiet on the train again was i able to hear for certain what it was. i made a gesture to the guy to take out an earpiece, which he obliged looking at first like he was gonna kill me, and then i proceeded to ask him, "are you listening to Ratatat?!" his face changed over to a bit of shock and excitement and concurred that it indeed was what he was listening to. our exchange was short but it left me with a good feeling, also noting that i had just been listening to Ratatat on the bus

as i left the car at my stop the guy wished me a farewell and i head onto the blue line. on that train line i witnessed a bootlegger attempt to hit on a ghetto girl..it's amazing to see the cultural differences on how to pick up women..all sociological studies should be made on trains, you literally get every walk of life. i did my best to contain my laughter by looking away only to have it stirred up by the psycho behind me cursing to himself. the ride was only topped off when the crazy cart lady came on selling sodas and candy from her mobile business device.

it was shortly after that the train came to it's last stop and i moved on to the red line...or so i thought. while waiting in the designated area, i failed to see that two trains ran on the same line, one red, one purple...for you color blind people, sorry about ya. so i see the train approach, the doors open, we left off passengers, and just as i am about to get on this old man starts talking to me, asking me if i am going to hollywood..why yes i am, he then proceeds to tell me it's the next train...at this point i've had about enough El Eh hospitality and think he's fucking with me so he can ensure a spot for himself on this car. i try to understand his reasoning pointing at the sign that says "To Hollywood" wherein he raises he cane and points, at what i believe from my angle to be the same sign..little did i know he was trying to point to the side of the train itself that said it was the purple line going elsewhere...this is about the time he screams at me and another kind lady tells me hollywood is the next train...obliged i step back and wait.

the next train arrives and i get on, making sure i can clearly see the sign on the side of the train that indicates it is going to hollywood...a few more little stops and i was where i needed to be, santa monica blvd. i continued following the outlined directions given to me in my email as my phone was hanging on to it's last percentage of battery life. i called the number for the roommate to come and pick me up - apparently they live just down the road, but people frown upon walking in El Eh, so the roommate came and got me at the corner...

i just put a lot of trust in people i didn't know, when in fact i don't trust many people i do know..










"yeah, you'll notice me, i'll be the one who looks like a tourist and doesn't belong.."