Cold Turkey

cold

hearted

cold like the wood floors of this house...

I want a drink right now...i haven't had a drink in over a month because of this new diet plan...but it's not lack of routine...it's not the addiction that makes it a necessity..it's because i need one right about now.

I laid in bed all day Saturday - correction...I laid in bed with minor breaks to use the bathroom or to make food.  My day consisted of not wanting to be awake, too tired to keep my eyes open, but the moment they closed too many thoughts running kept me awake.  It was torture.  At 10pm I made a steak..a steak, and just that.  At 11pm, I made a fire in the fireplace.  At midnight I made two s'mores. At 1am I went back to sleep.

Sunday wasn't any better, except i did leave the house...among other things.

My first post of the year..my first post in forever.  i wrote an email earlier today, and it stung of lack of focus.  I have had several updates i wanted to post this year already, but, like always, i put them off...because if you put things off, those feelings go away too.

and just like that this post is over.  I've got a lot of work to do...a lot of work.

"just keep helicoptering..."

Discard

Hey..I know we haven't seen each other or even talked in a real long time..but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I want you to know that I miss you.  Not like a "I regret what happened" or even a "I want to see you again" sort of thing, just.."I miss you", then end.  

It's strange to think that someone I used to know so well is now a total stranger..that sometimes I go entire days without even thinking of you even a little…Most of the time I let myself forget, because it's easier…But then I find something..an old letter, or picture you drew, slipped into a book I haven't read in ages..and the full weight of what's been lost comes crashing down on me.  

But again, this isn't regret…we had reasons for ending it, and they're valid as ever…but back at the start, we didn't need reasons for anything.  It all just happened.  

We didn't have common interests, or similar goals…sometimes we didn't get along that well…But we didn't need a reason to fall in love.  We just did.  The reasons came at the end, and everything that's happened since has been all about reasons.  And that's good.  It means one day I might find someone I won't have to say goodbye to.  But a part of me misses just loving someone, and knowing they love me back, and that's all.  

I guess what I am saying is, I hope things are good with you.  I hope everything is great.  I hope you found a love that's all the things ours couldn't be.  And I hope I find that too.  But a small part of me, buried somewhere deep inside, hopes that you still remember what it was like before all the reasons…and that you miss me, too.

"Do you want to save changes? *click* Don't save"

It's Cool...

I can use this title like a million times...
and still get away with it

because BOOM GOES THE DYN-

Oh whoops, sorry, but that last statement has been deleted...just like me..again..over and over again..deleted. Do i deserve such a fate, that's a stupid question....why did i just ask that..ugh, what am i supposed to say really..

why am i typing..who knows...maybe because i hope it'll make a difference, but if i just randomly jam the keys it'll be no difference than what i'm doing right now..

what happened in may, what happened in may...may...questions...ok

i am clearly making no sense what-so-ever, awesome. i feel like i need to keep pounding away on these little black squares or something bad will happen, ok, maybe not that extreme, but must..keep..typing...

i proclaimed a million and twelve things tonight..but the problem with being on the west coast is, i'm three hours behind those still awake over there..so when 1am rolls around for me here, i'm getting shit for responses out there. baH.

Yes, I capitalized that H, so what. I got an idea...how about you not delete me from everything and just talk to me...because that's what people do, right? why do you have to go to such drastic extremes when you won't be able to fully remove me from your life, your heart..we both know better...block me on this or that, take me out of the sidebar, whatever - as i said before, you can remove me from the physicalities all you want, however i will forever live on elsewhere - in memories in your head and your heart....

honestly, who are you trying to fool...ugh why does it feel like i'm blogging to an empty room...CAN YOU HEAR ME?! *echoes* awesome..i'm blogging for you and you quit reading...

maybe you really did quit me this time....maybe you really don't care anymore....









"fuck...now i'm really sad"

People

To everyone..
..to knowone...

where did all the cookies go?

Many of you probably know me as the cynical bastard who hates everyone - and as true as that may seem, there's an even darker side to me...one that actually cares. Sure my rough exterior colored in the hues of jade is what seems to be the most "popular" of appearances for me to don, but that's only when the time provokes it. That abysmal front is actually the result of the collapse of how I truly am.

I've had this discussion time and time again with every new person I meet, and I'll stick to my stance til i'm gone. People. When it comes to people, I believe in the best of them. I believe in the good of all. It's like everyone is innocent until proven guilty; rather in this case they are good until they prove themselves bad.

I put forth trust into people. Why not, I'd wanted to be trusted too. Regardless of past events I cannot project negativity onto someone else, it's not fair. All too often we tend to enter relationships with a cautious step as a result of something that happened prior in our lives. However, this new person isn't that old person that made you like this; don't take out whatever on them. A new person is a clean slate...don't be afraid to make those mistakes again.

Maybe that's where I falter, because I want the good in people to show, I want people to be..good. I give people too many opportunities to prove me right. I understand people make mistakes, things happen, we all do this...but when something is a constant, well, then the opposite is the anomaly.

I defriended someone tonight that i recently let back into my life. I thought this time things were different, that not necessarily they changed, but realized the woes of their ways - apparently I was wrong. The only time in your life you will ever hear those words come out of my mouth..And we all know how much I hate to be wrong, maybe that's why I give people so many chances. But if the kingdom of god lies within man, not just one man but all men, then surely good resides within all of us. maybe i am still right...

maybe there is still hope...








"it's hard to 'write from the heart' when so many people say mine doesn't exist.."

13 Weeks

what.
the.

hell.....

The past three days I've wanted to write, a variety of topics rolling off my head...heck, the night prior and even last night I tried to start something..pulled the lappy up to me as I curled up on the couch...that was about as far as it got. So now, in my final hours I am forcing it out of me. hungover from two straight nights of alcohol consumption I must break through this muggy mess in my head and put my final words together.

I'm not quite sure what to really say, and I can't even remember what it was I wanted to write about, so I know I aimlessly meander throughout this post, you've been warned.

In addition to this post I have also undertook a mini-goodbye project of sorts. I can't leave without doing something, not necessarily big or crazy, just something. When I left Btown in '06 there was a huge going away party, and sure it was fun, it wasn't my note to go out on. Instead, just days later, on my actual departure date, before I headed onto the highway

Jinxed?

something's strange..
..and it don't look good

the spot that makes things go away

So I am coming to terms that I have yet another curse, if you're unfamiliar with any of my other curses, well...damn, I haven't wrote about them..that would have been the most opportune time to insert a link all up in your face about it...ok you got me.

This time the curse involves a little device called, my iphone. The problem area: the fourth position down on my "favorites" call list. I know it sounds absolutely absurd, but, whenever I add a name to that spot, shortly there after that person is removed from my life.

It ranges from such extremes as deaths, to breakups, to someone not having time for me...but whatever the case may be, as quickly as they are put into that slot, they are removed just as well.

It's happened so often now that, when I feel as if someone's number is worthy enough to go into my "favorites" section I hesitate, come up with reasons as to why they are not "special" enough to go onto that stupid page...just because I now fear for the worst.

obviously is someone is going onto my favorites page, or is up for consideration of such a prestigious honor, it's because i talk to them a lot...and if i'm talking to them a lot, then that signifies there's an established relationship, a connection, something that makes them standout from the rest....it's like being top five of your class..ohhh the wonders of being in my bubble.

but with this slot now cursed, i do not want to put that relationship into jeopardy just because for the convenience of having their number in that spot. But over time, by popular demand, getting enough signatures on petitions, passing through both the house and senate all with a majority approval, the earlier vetoes and roadblocks are overcome and that number gets a spot onto my favorites page..the fourth slot.

Why don't i just add someone I don't talk to onto spot number four and keep them there, thus saving all future numbers by sacrificing some random loner number....that'd be like trying to pass off a prostitue as a virgin to the gods, they know better and the wrath that would be endured is unimaginable..we're talking fire and brimstone here people! it's written somewhere in the scriptures...look it up!

What about if i were to put my own number in slot4?! oh god...that'd be like crossing the streams...and crossing the streams is bad...like all life as I know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in my body exploding at the speed of light. but that's kinda heavy...aren't there other scenarios.... maybe it would put me into shock and Id simply pass out. Or two, the encounter could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.

So, I don't know what to do, how to handle it for all future applicants...do I get it blessed? exorcised? what?

y'all think i'm crazy, but this is true life...alright fine...i'm crazy









"Cursed are those who create suffering and sin..."

Empty Units

putting an end..
..to the means..

closing the doors in more ways than one in two places....

this past week i did something i've been meaning to do for a long time....it was officially wrote down on my "ToDo List" for after the summer of '06...three years in the making, three long years of pulling the idea off the shelf, blowing the dust off of it, and putting it right back there... this week it all came to a close.

it started last friday when i decided to put my thoughts into action - without fully knowing my schedule i went ahead and made calls to get the balls rolling...i called and got a storage unit right here in indy - literally a block from my current apartment. then an order was placed for a uhaul to be taken one way from the region. the balls were in motion and a lot of stress built up.

monday morning i acted on the calls and great plans and headed to the region with one goal in mind...never look back. for the past three years i have wanted to consolidate the two storage units i have spread out across the state...two storage units, two different time zones, two different eras in my life....all coming together.

i started my mission on the oldest part of my life, the storage unit i have had the longest, also the furthest away. some time in 2004 is when i put my region life into a 5 by 8 by 12 box, sealed from top to bottom, without my ability to go in there and go through things - except the filing cabinet i left at the front door.

i reserved the second smallest truck which i figured would allow me to fill it with either storage unit with ease...looking back i think i could have used the smallest truck, but it would have been jam packed..this one gave me some leeway..

moday.one day.up to the region. load up. drive back to indy. unload. that in itself was a task, thankfully i got the night off from work, not that i don't need to work, i just couldn't do all that in one day and survive.

the next day was on to btown, this time the round trip would solely be in the uhaul. the btown storage was a bit different...a very large unit with a lot of excess room..things scattered about - a place i have been going in an out of like it was my girlfriend. on a sad note, the storage unit also was home to the random things TJ left behind when he was abruptly removed from btown back in the beginning of 2007 - i don't even know what his boxes consist of.

wednesday morning i spent unloading the truck of the stuff from btown and organizing it with the things from the region. i was disappointed to find out that most of the things from the region storage were slightly water damaged...this put a damper on my fiscal plans as i hoped to sell certain items such as dressers and pool tables i had - instead i had to pry open the wooden drawers of my dressers to reveal and sort the findings.

and what was most tragic about that was, the items that were inside the drawers were moist as well...my main gripe was really the only thing i wanted out of that storage unit, the drawer full of pictures....pictures ranging from my childhood and baby pictures, to all the random pictures from my pityparty/high school days...

but now it's all together, in one location...granted i need to go through everything - i still plan on selling/throwing away a lot of things. i will be saving money having everything all in one place, and should i ever move, everything is is one location, one location that is actually supported by PODS.

but deeper than all that is me closing two doors of my life at once..with the removal of having a storage unit in the region, and with a lack of family in the region i no longer have any ties to that area...same goes for btown - although i still have my POBox there for the time being, that's a small price to pay in comparison to the huge storage unit.

by emptying out those containers, i've moved on with my life..this is just the first step of me getting it the fuck together?










"it's easier to leave than to be left behind"

Peace, I'm Outta Here

screw you '08
and whatnot

out wit the old, in with the new, auld lang syne, and all that same ol shit people say

so the year is officially coming to a close..."something great in '08"...i remember saying that...i don't remember that actually happening..i suppose a lot happened..but then again a lot can happen in a day, a week, a month..a lifetime...it's all a point of relevance really...

sooo, let's recap the year to the best of my ability....

started bringing in the new year at work, in the hole, sans girlfriend, sans best friend, only surrounded by coworkers, holding a phone, almost in tears because it was probably the worst way to ring in the new year to date...i vowed to never having to work new years at midnight again...there was a break, then a trip to florida where i found out disney world is the happiest place on earth..when you're drunk...

my first time ever being there thanks to faulty promises made by my mother...so i went with my boyfriend...ears and bears, medieval times gave me soup, i watched a dog get beat for no reason, and i made us look like tourists as we drove with the top down in 60 degree weather...but sadly we had to return to reality which settled in as we stepped off the plane into the cleveland airport where the snow and twenty degree weather blew over my sandals...i tried to secure my stay in ohio, for the greater good..but that deal went south, err west, err, i went west...back to indy..

through convenience the west and i got back together...i made the transition to food runner at my job and found a place to officially live...i continued to work two jobs and travel back and forth to the hole...at one point i was traveling the 70 mile trip without brakes on my car...my birthday came and i worked a double, but in the end all was well...the girl i was dating went back to CP for the summer, which opened up a can of worms..

i quit my job in the hole as they needed me less...jade came over to spend a day with me and even though it started out well, by the end of it we were telling each other to fuck off and die...july fourth spent in chicago - not a really fun time, but i tried to make the most of it..later in the month came a trip to CP which panned out nicely, even made a stop over in the rowdy to visit TJ...

i finally became a server after the race in indy and TJ came out to indy...we looked like idiots trying to get scalped tickets for the Dark Knight release...bad planning as always led to us watching the movie in a regular theater and not IMAX. i began biking to work, but it lasted only a month up until my bike got stolen from work..on a shift i wasn't even supposed to be at technically.

i made a trip out to see my grandparents out in MO, too late to see my dog one last time though..school started but that doesn't concern me...september 11th proved to be a date of significance when the girl i was dating decided then we should break up...two days later she fucked someone else....this allowed for me to rekindle things out east..but the winds of change would soon blow that out too

i looked for an outlet and found it in various forms...i started hanging out with people once again which soon led to the move from the crazy cat ladies place - that and the fucking cat box was put back outside..i grew up a bit and tied myself down by signing a lease for a year on the southside of town.

through a series of mis-events and anomalies a new bond was formed with a girl on upsetting terms. a first date to hold a record for the ages and another michigan loss to oswho..not to mention a michigan season not worth mentioning..the holidays came and i hated them more than i did the years prior, naturally...the economy fell, work got slow, i began to work less, and an unqualified black man became president of the united states free world...

so 08 turned out to be a crapshoot...i'm sure i missed a bunch of other events but i don't remember anything...sooooo....whatevs....

"what's the quote of the year?"

Washed My Hands

I'm not a pilot...
but i play one on TV

i've had enough of the retardedness from the ex this past week, i tell myself i've done everything i possible could have done, more than most people would have done, now it's time for me to clean my hands of this...i'm just gonna push it off onto someone that she still wants in her life..

i'm on my break from work and i'm back at my house. i review the names in my phone remembering that i deleted a lot of contacts about a month ago, around 100 of them...i kept the ex's but removed all of the ex's family member's numbers. the only person i would talk to was her father, he was the only one who liked me - the mother on the other hand, i should have laid her ass out with the back of my hand when she hit me, but i am a better person than that.

the only person i had left in a round about way was her uncle, the only reason why i had the ability to contact that person was because i still had CP's number..i hate to bother someone at work, but when that's all you got, that's all you got..and those who know the back story know how messed up me calling the uncle really is...but when something like this is going on, previous walls seem to seem insignificant in comparison.

i call and leave a message..i really don't think he'll just call me back unless i say it's in relation to the waste...i'm back at work, i sit at pre-shift, the entire thing before the managers tell me they have already cut me for the evening..cooool..a phone call before i headed out to my house and paid for parking would have been great, but, that's thinking ahead and not how they roll...i make one of the managers buy me a dinner for wasting my time, i mean honestly it's the least they could do...as i am waiting for my food to come up, my phone rings...it's CP

i answer as i rush through the kitchen, round IRD, out the backdoors, and into the loading dock area..it's the uncle, wanting to know what's up....i rant and ramble off everything...i talk and talk, keep telling more and more of the story..i pause, breath..i feel as if there should be some sort of interjection on his part, but ot avoid the awkward silence i keep rambling...he eventually tries to pull what i am saying together and asks questions...it's a fifteen minute phone call that ends on a relatively good note...he appreciates me coming to him and letting him know what was going on, he tell me he'll take it from there, though he's not sure where 'there' is...my point exactly...i have done everything i could, and the ex's alleged suicide happened weeks ago...she needs help that i can't offer and no longer want it to weigh on my shoulders

it's the first time in a year i have talked to him, and it'll probably be the last time, funny how life works out...as i am waiting for my food, i realize my phone going off, missed call..it's the ex and she left a voicemail...she's asking me to quit calling her family and leave her alone...i'm blowing everything out of proportion and in reality she just wants it all to end, she wants her stuff back and be done with me...wow...moments later i get a text basically summing all that up in a sentence....i knew that was going to happen, i knew if i said something it would blow up in my face, but what other option did i have...lame...i have tomorrow off, my conscience is clear...time for me to live my life and forget about the past...over to the crib on the southside...the plan for later this evening...the midnight release of Saw V...coool, another opportunity for me to be the fifth wheel..

i think Phil has caught on to my sarcastic apathy to the situation..he tries to make me feel needed, calling me his date and such..it's cute, but i know better....i try getting people to go..two of my girls have to be at work at 6, another at 9..why are people so lame...well, at least i got to go to a movie....

"5 is a 6!"

It's Over

shananana
hey hey hey

the highlight of my day, the sox won - but even that was problematique. no place in town had the sox on their tvs...it was supposed to be on ESPN2, everywhere checked, no baseball on the screens..and after saying that, the rest of the day was..yeah.....

i had the day off, with nothing to do, still hadnt heard from the ex yet, as each moment passed it just grew on my sanity..how could she not be wanting to contact me? i woke up early today, but didn't want to get out of bed at all...i closed the blinds tighter in hopes to block out any bit of sunlight - i've become a wreck.

the noon approaches and something finally stirs me to greet the day. it takes me two hours to get ready, don't ask me what i did because i really don't know. i decide to head on to downtown to catch the game on a big screen at a bar...actually i had the intentions on getting piss drunk tonight, something destructive for sure...

i make a stop at work to see if Sean is getting off work, i know he usually works a breakfast lunch double and he's a huge baseball fan..i really wanna give him shit for his mets not making it to the playoffs, but also invite him to watch a winning team. he's not there but another coworker invites me on over to Rock Bottom for drinks and the game, not the spot i was gonna head to, but it was ok with me, i like Rock Bottom.

The co-worker, Tom, and I shoot the shit, watch NFL highlights, just bidding the time due to a three hour rain delay for the Sox game. conversation gets heavy as he asks me about my personal life, family and so forth...we had a "it's not your fault" like scene from Good Will Hunting. it brings me to tears, but i hide it behind the pint of amber i'm drinking and recover momentarily. it had something to do about my father, me being humble, and so forth..not anything to stress about..

he eventually departs and i head over to my favorite watering hole, Vitos. well my favorite barkeeps aren't working, so i just get a maker's manhattan on the rocks - normally the barkeeps will surprise me with what they think i need to drink, and i lap it up. one of the manager's i know is working though, she's nice to me, but i'm even more surprised she remembers me..it's been awhile since i've been to vitos and even longer since i've seen her. i ask her to check the tv for the sox game...after several minutes of searching the thousands of channels i tell her to stop...

i keep myself updated on the stats of the game via my phone, finish my drink slowly, then leave...i make it back to my room, pull up the game on my computer, and lay down. i think time passes, i pass out, the phone rings...i don't know what made me answer it, but i did. it was my good friend from way back in the day, Carol. she made an attempt to reach me over the weekend but i was at work, and i am really horrible at returning phone calls..don't get me wrong, it's on my mind, i just have a gap when functioning on that level..

anyways, she's been reading the blog since i started it back up again, she's very positive when she speaks of it, saying i am very creative and write very well. hearing these compliments makes me happy for a moment, but it's not creative, it's just regurgatating what happened in my day in word format.

our relationship has been a funny one, you used to be inseperable back in third and fourth grade..but with all the moves we both have gone through, communication has been nulled...most people facing similar situations would have called it quits by now, long distance keeping up is just sooo in the ages of letters...now that technology has made it easier to keep in contact, i find most of the time that relationships and ties are gone to the wayside..if you're not in my immediate circle, then, sorry, a phone call or email is just too much...

one of the first things Carol asks me is if i had heard back from the girl, loves it. i find it funny how through my blog she has been updated to the day with the going-ons in my life...i still wonder if my stalker knows about it yet...she offers her support, we catch up, i appologize for being half out of it - just waking up from an alcohol induced nap which was unexpected has made my conversation skills sub-par...

she's about to let me go when i check out the computer for the sox score, they're winning yes! but there's also something else i notice, buttercup is online. we speak briefly on whether or not i should provoke conversation, but i say it's something i have to do. Carol ends the conversation with a goodbye and goodluck, and i go to face my last stand.

i don't feel it appropriate to go through all the nitty-gritty right now, too fresh in my mind and heart, but i will say a few things.

i start off the conversation, ask her what she has been up to, she doesn't remember her asking me to text her on friday when i arrived back home or off of work, she tells me in the beginning of the conversation she's still thinking about what she wants to do....but that quickly changes...

long story short, she doesn't want to be with me anymore, she doesn't feel the same for me as she did before, and she doesn't beleive she will ever again..i, like anyone hearing such devistating news, go straight intodefensive plea mode, trying to still win her over...

she tells me more things, i keep going strong..i may break my heart, but it's all i can do...throughout the entire conversation i am holding back from busting in tears and throwing up all over the place...worst feeling ever

it's funny though, looking on it how for the past two weeks she's had her reasons for not wanting to get back together with me..a big one was the move i was about to do, "maybe if you weren't moving so far away, yeah, i'd definitly really consider taking you back" - now that the move isn't a possibility it was up to me to work on the next things...she now sees that i am changing, i am going to be a better person, she beleives in me...i also wasn't going to hold against her a bad decsion that she feels may be something she'll never look past....i don't know

the conversation ends on instant messanger with me asking for a call later, and her saying ok...i'm hoping that her version of 'later' doesnt mean in a couple days or a week, i want later as, later tonight...i guess i need to specify...as she signs off line i'm instantly on the phone calling my friends, trying to find any support whatsoever...they do their best, but there's nothing they can do but lend an ear to me...they keep asking, "is there anything i can do", no, sadly no..just be there for me when i call crying at 4am because i cant sleep...in short, be there for me in a few days when the reality of all this really hits me...

the third call is to my grandparents, i've been holding out on telling them about the breakup, i don't wanna hear my grandmother be upset with me again about some girl...ok, maybe that's a little harsh, but i still remember how the last time it went a couple years ago...this time, she's supportive, she can barely hear what i am saying, but she gathers that i am upset and tries to offer words of comfort..hands the phone off to my grandpa who does the same...the call ends quickly, for some reason they are still living in a time where there's long distance, and i must be getting charged a huge amount for this..but they tell me to call my mother...

and i do. that in itself was a hastle..as soon as i get off the phone with them, they are calling my mother to give her the heads up and ask if i had called yet...yeah, i said as soon as i got off the phone with them, they called my mother to ask if i had called yet..and here i am on the other line with a busy signal...i eventually get through to my mother...

we haven't been the best at a son-mother relationship, obviously since i called my g'parents first, but she does her best at consoling me..after hearing now three other people's points of views, the fourth she offers is a positive one for the relationship, telling me that now that buttercup has gotten everything off her chest she'll sleep on it and call me tomorrow, or maybe even later tonight...i wish that were true, but this is real life..i've may have played around in the fantasy world too long, but i still know what's probable and what's incapable...

with every conversation i have on the phone, i find myself pacing the room, my entire body is weak so i sit..but i am too antsy, too nervous, i can't sit in one place, so i get back up...my legs feel like they are gonna give out from under me..i just wanna collapse to the ground and scream the heavens, why?! the room is spinning, i doubt it's the alcohol, i should be sobered up by now, especially after having the tear jerking conversation with buttercup. i still feel sick to my stomache, i just wanna die - i say that in the sense that i just wanna stop feeling, i think that's something we all can relate to, you want whatever it is inside you to just die already..it feels like my soul is dying and i just wanna put it out of it's (mine) misery.

so she wants to still be apart of my life, still wants us to be friends, but i know better..that cant happen, i cant lose her, but without her at my side, without that support i need like i want , forget about it...what i have to do for myself is just get rid of her...it'll be hard, and not the mature thing to do, but what else can you expect of me, i've handled this to the best of my ability, as strong as i could...every thing she threw at me as a means to the breakup, i picked apart and knocked out the park...there's nothing left for me to do..i played a helluva game, but my team still lost..MVP's aren't chosen from the losing side...

"i just want the earth to swallow me up"

I'm Leaving..
on a jet plane

i really don't know when i'll be back again

if ever....soooo, i leave for Maryland on Monday...rather, i'm supposed to be in Maryland to start training on Monday...and i really don't know when my flight out there is...update, just got my itinerary email...i fly out of St Louis MO on Monday morning...

but the coolest part is, i'm actually flying in 'private' jets...that seat like 30 people! How cool is that? well, i think that is cool..whatever, this is my first time flying, i'm claustrophobic, and i'll be crammed into a smaller than average airplane thousands of miles in the sky..yay!

i fly from MO to Cincinnati for a one hour lay-over, then i get on a smaller plane and fly to Baltimore...when i get there i have to meet with the NCL people...i just want to walk off the plane and see one of those guys holding a sign with my name on it...that will truly make my frickin' day!

so yeah, that's about where i am now..well who knows where i am, it's Thursday? and i have to be in a lot of places doing a lot of things...tomorrow afternoon i have to be in Ohio for a date with my sweet cheeks...then make my way over Indy to celebrate Kat's birthday and hopefully see E-liz as well...

Maybe then Saturday morning i can catch Jimmy in Indy, drive down to bloomington to pack and do whatever else it is i need to do..then go out with that crowd (the few the proud the loyal). And on Sunday, wake up early to then drive six hours on over to Missouri to park my car..riding then to St Louis to wait for my flight in the terminal overnight...

sounds like a plan? want to be involved give me a call because i have nobody's number....











"I'm using the duty free shop to get liquored up before i step foot on any plane..."