Indeed

ee...
ahh..

that's a horrible pun

so, as many of you have no idea, I'm going to India...in a few hours.  I am going to spend my R&R there.  R&R is essentially the government realizing that making you work every single day, for a year straight, away from friends, and family, and everything normal, in a weird country surrounded by sand, is just not cool.  So they "compensate" you by flying you to wherever you want to go, and fly you back.  15 days off to do as you wish (within reason I suppose).  Most people fly back to the states, which is nice and all...but logistically speaking...it's dumb.  Think about it.  You're going to fly over 24 hours, to try and get readjusted to the ass-backward time frame..and by the time you get used to it all, it's another 24 hours flight back to where you left a fortnight ago...Plus, it's the States..I've been there, granted I haven't been everywhere, but..I'm on the other side of the world..I'm going to take advantage of that.

So that brings me to India.  Now, granted I probably could have planned it a little better...I didn't realize the Visa process while being deployed would be as grueling as it was.  Also to note, I am traveling in May, which is an off-season for travel due to the intense heat.  Crap.

But, what makes me write this post, is not to brag about whatever...but rather...because I'm actually nervous.  Never before have I ever taken a real vacation...not since I was a child I suppose.  I mean, I've taken time off of work, "vacation days" to visit friends and family..drive across the country..do those things..but it wasn't necessarily new places with crazy fun itineraries.  This is different, this is real travel.

The last time I took a vacation was in January of 2008.  My best friend and I went to Disneyworld - partially because I had never been there and he wanted to fulfill that dream for/with me.  I believe it was one week or so..staying with his grandparents...driving a mustang around..living the dream.

I've been to foreign countries..South Korea, though for work, was a lovely experience I and would very much like to visit again; whether for work or personal business.  But, still, there's a piece of me that is scared of going through with this...for whatever reason.  Sure I've been planning this for months on end.  And sure I had a travel agency map out the best itineraries.  And sure every thing is covered, from hotels to ground transportation to tours...

but..I don't know...this is a new world for me...it's everything I've ever wanted to do...and now..I'm doing it.














“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” 

Re-enlist?

Give up, or

give 4 more?

that will be the question

I'm over the half-way mark of my (first) enlistment.  The recruiters got me good for I am in a 5-year contract instead of the standard four.  The MC tries to justify the longer contracts based off MOS schooling - if you're in school for a year, that's one less year you have to spend in the fleet, and since they are spending all this time and money on you, they want to make sure they get their four.

Well, truth of the matter is, my school was 30 days.  Justification?  None what-so-ever other than its the MC screwing people at all costs.  I did not know better at the time -  wasn't young and dumb, I just thought that's how it was, I didn't know I could negotiate with the government (for one last time).

So I am stuck in my 5 year contract, in an overly populated MOS, that for some reason they continue to push people into, even though our Jr ranks are almost at 300% capacity...

I'm not a fan of this job - it bores me.  Sure it's an easy desk job, in the heart of the CoC...it's cushy, it's safe, it's behind a computer..it's the complete opposite of anything you'd think MC (i.e. grunts).

But where it lacks in 'hard work' it makes up in stupidity.

In order to get this MOS you have to have one of the highest GT scores in the MC - that means we are all smart people.  Yet, higher ups still treat us as if we just came from the special-ed third grade.  No trust, no awareness, no understanding.  To make matters worse, with the influx of people being pushed into this job, and those who joined/lat moved at the height of the war and ranked up really fast and now refuse to leave because they are up to such ranks; there is little to no promotions.

Smart people are already disgruntled, the MC says let's make them more disgruntled...

Nothing is more disconcerting than being on a deployment with people from a different shop, that you are working side by side with, who are chasing a cutting score in the 1500s...These folk are getting furious that 'if they would have done all their MCIs they would have the 20 extra points to pick up to Cpl at 1570" HOLY FUCK...I think my first composite score was around that score...

but here I am, 2 years after picking up E3, and with a composite score of 1700 I finally pick up...If my MOS isn't closed out, the cutting score is extremely high.

I remember before I picked up, having to take orders from E4s from other shops that picked up with cutting scores that were a joke.  I understand that I am older, and I've made piece with taking orders from younger people...however, where I draw the line is taking orders from someone who has been in the MC less time than I have..and the only reason they have is a higher rank is they either sucked someone off, or their MOS is a joke.

So one may ask, why not lat-move yourself when you go to re-enlist?  If I were to re-enlist, this would be my path...but, the first question remains..will I?

Since I'm over the half-way mark, I have to set my sights on what's the next hurdle - Feb 12, 2016.  That is my EAS date..either the last day I am owned by the government, or time to renew their lease on me.  As this is a year deployment, by the time I return back to my home duty station, I'll have a year left on my contract and that will be the time I'll either be putting in my package to re-enlist, or jumping through all the hoops in order to get out.

I have stated my future in the MC really depends on this deployment - some will say I cannot base deployments or the MC on this "deployment", but, when it's all I have seen, then yes, yes I can.

I've given the MC and my command years of my service and time to 'prove me another way', and they have failed to do so.  I've been lied to time and time again.  I've been backstabbed, I've had rumors spread about me, all by people who are supposed to take a grenade for me - honestly, I'd rather have the gay and short Bruno Mars have my back.

I've stated one thing that will make or break the decision will be if I get into Afghanistan or not.  In 2012 when I MEF deployed, they already had their crew who would be going out.  We were told they would do 6 and out, and others (myself) would replace them..to give everyone a chance to go.  That never happened.  Then an opportunity arose for one person to go out for about 6 months at the end of it all.  Once again I was looked over and some other douche was sent to go for some reason.

So then, as the next cycle for 2014 came up, those who were looked over and never got the chance were first in line to go this time.  As the time grew closer to chop forward and cease stepping foot in the rear office, we all were getting excited...but excitement would turn into frustration soon enough.  There was a Sgt they wanted to throw into the mix.  Their reasoning was "he's never had a deployment and we want him to be more competitive for SSgt" - and that meant he would take my place.  I did not like this.  But then there were two people were removed from the group - both on shady accounts.  One person was going through a divorce and that was their justification, the other was coming off BCP (he was fat), so they got the ax.  This allowed me to retain a place...except things would be rearranged.

I got bumped from Afghan to Kuwait, losing out an all that, a secondary rate deployment in anyone's minds.  Happy to still be going somewhere, I figured I'd be able to wiggle my way into a country that is a stone's throw away.  The last missing spot would be another "interesting" choice.   Out of everyone that was left in the office, they selected the one person who hadn't been doing the actual job..the one person who just got in from the schoolhouse...the one person who didn't know anything....the one person who wore makeup and could take a dick.

Those in charge would sit back and try to justify taking the girl to everyone around, but we're not stupid...we knew they wanted eye candy, we knew it wasn't any of the hundred reasons they would spout off..it's because she was a woman...and she would get that spot in afghan, not me...

Well, it gets even more interesting...that Sgt ended up getting selected for Staff...so when the Monitor found out he was a Staff Select filling a billet for a Sgt, he got removed from the deployment - my original fucking spot - but by then it was too late to move me back over, since kuwait and afghan deployed at different times.  So that spot ended up getting filled by a Cpl from a lower group, who just picked up Cpl a couple months before me - has been in since '09, and is EAS'ing this year...

yes, because that makes sense...have the shitbag nco who is getting out halfway through the deployment get to go on the deployment...

Getting to Afghan won't make me re-enlist, but not getting into Afghan will definitely make it a zero percent chance for me to do so.  I'm not a fucking "ribbon chaser", but it's the last time in who knows how long anybody will get a campaign ribbon.  And the MC is a pissing contest, we all know that.  And for someone to say "it doesn't matter the stack that's on your chest" is feeding you bullshit.

So basically, if I don't get into Afghan, 0% chance of re-enlistment

If I do get into Afghan, 5% chance of re-enlistment...

that's where we are...looks like I'm over it.

"so you're saying there's a chance..."

Merry Christmas

Mele..

wait that's Hawaiian

HoweveryousayMerryChristmasinArabic....

I was under the impression we were getting the day off, the impression obviously wasn't that impactful on the higher ups....Instead we are the only ones in the office today.  I had hoped to go to the mall, another chance to get off base, a chance to go Xmas shopping for ourselves..but no, none of that either.  

So as I enter the chowhall in my work uniform, my eyes scan the sea of civies...sigh, I should be joining in with the masses, but alas, I have to work.  There's not many open spaces to sit, as half the normal seating area has been sectioned off for cakes, carving displays, and of course, Kuwaity Santa.

I find a table with a few empty spaces and some other service members in uniform too; I pick this table to try and blend in.  (For the record, or desert, ran cammies versus the army light green cammies..yeah, not much to 'blend' in there)

Little did I know, but I sat down right between the two-star Army General and the Army Command Sergeant Major..go me.  I didn't realize this until well into my meal in fact.  At one point during my meal, I saw a group of people taking pictures with a two-star at the opposite end of the table.  I didn't think too much of it, thought it was kinda random and cool to see a two-star in the non-vip section of the chowhall, and continued eating..then I noticed him walking over my way.  My eyes kept in pursuit as I gobbled down some more stuffing.  He made a pass behind me and onto the other side, where he pulled out a chair and sat..where he had been this entire time.  

This mother fucker had been sitting next to me the entire time and I hadn't the slightest clue.  It wasn't too much longer before he sparked conversation with me, asking me where I was from and wishing me a merry christmas as well.  I would have continued, but my meal was finished, exchanged another round of 'merry christmas'es and left, noting the rank of the gentlemen that was sitting on my right.

It's not every day you can say you inadvertently had lunch with the two-star.

"'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the base, not a creature was stirring, except MCC-K"

Nostalgia

that feeling..

the feels..

i..just don't like it.

My night started off on what I hoped to be a good sign.  Lately I've been staying up later and later, which results in me waking up later and later..not a good cycle - maybe I wasn't made for 24 hour days...

Anyway, it was shortly before midnight and I called lights out..and actually fell asleep.  Naturally, that was the only good thing going for me.  My dreams played at as if concocted by some alcoholic libation...yet, we know that not to be the case.  Couldn't have been something I ate either, same food..just different results? Nah. So what is it...I awoke sometime before 4 and puzzled that very question.  Christmas..must be Christmas.

Though my dream, while sleeping, was about working at my first job...had nothing to do with Christmas...even my dreams when I was awake; those thoughts and memories that sprung out of the random darkness did not relate to Christmas.  However, I believe it has more than everything to do with it.

Just thinking about past Christmases (Christmasi?), more or less the most recent ones...like how in 2006 I spent it alone at TJs place and drunk dialed my mother.  Or how from 2007 to 2010 I worked a double for both the Eve and Day.  How in 2009 after work I had a special treat in store for me.  How in 2011 I worked til almost midnight on Christmas Eve because shit at work needed to get done so I took the responsibilities from some other guy who had plans to see his family in LA...Also in 2011 I spent it with my bosses family (who was kind enough to invite me over for the night, yet defriended me on facebook sometime this year).  

I keep trying to think what I did last year, 2012..and I cannot for the life of me remember.  I remember work around those times sucked.  I put in more hours in those three work days than I put in on a normal week...early mornings, late evenings...all for no real reason - it was actually to "get ahead of the game"..so, essentially it was work that would be work in the future, but not currently, not during the holidays, especially, right then and now..

But what did I do..who was around...did Gary go back home for the holidays...what the heck happened?  As someone who can remember the most intricate of details, those entire days escape me.

But these dreams, both asleep and awake, were very...moving.  Moving in two very different ways at that.  For whatever reason, these memories were not like normal memories; like, supermemories...memories with super cognitive strength.  The emotions these dreams stirred were intense - and these memories weren't anything powerful on their own normal accord, they weren't like seeing a picture of your first love, or smelling the scent of your grandparents home, the time you almost died in the car accident and now you look differently at certain stretches of highway..no, these were run of the mill, ordinary memories.

Yet today, they instilled something very uncomfortable inside me.

I could not go back to sleep.  I had gotten less than 4 hours, yet here I was, wide awake, being beaten down by random old memories of mopping a floor.  And as my mind went with the flow of the wandering images projected in my head, every now and then I'd be overcome with certain sensation I could not shake.  I wanted to start clawing at my skin in order to make it all go away; but I knew my roommate would not approve.

He was awake too, at least he went to the bathroom shortly after I did.  I don't think he ever went back to sleep judging by the noises come from his side of the room.  Maybe something was in the air tonight that kept us both awake.

Whatever the case may be, I never want experience anything remotely similar to whatever happened tonight ever again.  I feel as if I could live quite comfortably knowing it won't ever occur again, however, something lingering in those memories makes me believe it will come again later.

There was a message, I just didn't care to listen.

"When I die, and everyone who knows me dies, it'll be as if I never existed"

So This One Time..

I was gonna write..

Errrrrrr

WRONG>

I woke up on this Sunday feeling good about getting stuff done.  It has been my goal to get on a schedule of sorts to make sense of the days out here.  You see, if you didn't know by now, I work every single day..ever.single.day...that is not a fabrication..I go into work at 1500, and leave somewhere between 2300-2400..not bad hours, in fact I enjoy working that shift because nobody is around in the office, it's quiet..it's just good...but it's every day.

So to combat that, trying to get a routine started, something similar to back home I guess.  Sunday is my catch up day - do laundry, that type of stuff.  I had planned on doing just that, and more (such as blogging ((I have three topics in my head I keep forgetting!))), but that wouldn't be the case.

Of course I get a call from work; we are going to clean out weapons in less than an hour.  This was about the time I was to start my laundry and hop in the shower.  So ultimately I missed lunch, didn't have time to blog, and cleaned a weapon that was already clean..

I did get my laundry done before work, and luckily I had some snacks in my room to hold me over before I was able to go for dinner later..and now here I am.

This wasn't the blog you were supposed to get, but it's the one you're gonna get.

"it's not the post they deserve, it's the post they need"

Embassy

American Soil..

Foreign Beers..

the life in the day of a ....

Yesterday was a much anticipated day.  Though there was no real reason we were receiving the news, we were jut happy to hear it...we were going to the Embassy.  As far as I consider, any trip off base is a good one; whether it be embassy, mall, picking up people from the airport...it's just nice to get off of base.

This marks my second time in the month we've been here for us getting off base - not too shabby if you ask me.  This time, though, I had the unfortunate task of driving out there.  In all honesty, it wasn't too bad...maybe there were more people on the road the other time we went out..maybe it wasn't so bad because I was driving..maybe it wasn't as bad because the trip seemed shorter this time..or maybe it wasn't that bad because the initial shock and fear factor had passed with that first trip.  Whatever the case may be, there were only a couple close calls - mainly because I was following an American driver while I tried to drive like the natives (in a vehicle with shitty brakes).

The Embassy was not all that it was hyped up to be - though we didn't have too high of expectations, it didn't live up to the Oasis others made it out to be...perhaps an off night as suggested by those that frequent it..whatever the case it was American soil which meant one thing, booze.

I was happy to not be limited to only beer or wine, as they did have some liquor to choose from.  My evening started with a Captain & Coke, but switched to beer only because that was what was being bought for us; that and I ran out of KD (they didn't accept plastic).

We spent a few hours there, downed more than a few beverages, socialized, and we were home just in time for my shift to end...

"Sorry guys, game over..."

Damn, Blog

Shit...

Fuck...

damn damn

I had a rant while I wa sat work, and now, I've got a blank...hmmmm.  Well, this is how bored I've gotten..to blogging while at work.   That's write, your tax dollars are hard at work.  Actually, this is good.  I'm able to do things like this, that I need.  So instead of some lame ass AA or chaplain talks and any other weird shit the military would fund..I've got this..so it works.

Moved into our rooms finally, and at first I thought it was a blessing, now, looking back on things I'm not so sure...as I awoke this morning at 10am.  Maybe my body is trying to catch up from the past 3 weeks of bullshit.

I work what i like to call the night shift, but they call it the midshift..whatever, my counterpart works from 7-15, and i work from 15-2300...well, actually 2400/0000/midnight..I work the extra hour because around 2000 I send one of the two embarkers to the gym (home) because they work 12 hour shifts and that's just stupid to me.  So every other day one they get to leave early...I have this luxury because my new promotion makes me the highest ranking person in the office after 1800, so they listen....bringing common sense to the military..I won't make it very far

So yeah, I just bite the bullet and stay for an extra hour to ensure two people are in the office at any given time...the poor shift that follows, midnight to noon does not have this opportunity.

Also trying to work out something where we can get a day off.  Say the first Sunday I work a split shift and my counterpart has off..the next Sunday the roles are reversed...just because the days are already blending together...it's not even been a month, and I know we haven't done any grueling labor...but every.single.day...man, that shit takes its toll on you.

This month of December will be in your face with bullshit posts just to get the numbers up..also dust off my fingers and make them work again, I apologize in advance for what is to come.

It may not be the best of times, but winds are blowing.

"wake me up, when september ends?"

For Lack of a Better Title..

the

things

i do..but shouldn't

I was at work..bored..and left to myself...the internet would only let me go to so many websites, and I had read every news article about people beating one another up for discounted deals moments after stuffing their faces full of turkey.  I went through emails..don't know why or how I landed on hers, but I did...I started at the beginning and read every one of those words, stinging like burning coal to my heart...

I looked at the pictures, and read more.  I wish I could be hooked up to machines and have doctors monitor my heart, the beats, my brainwaves, as I read your words.  And it's just your words..I skimmed over others' before I got to yours - probably because I knew the weight of all that has been said, and all that was done...probably because, when it comes down to it, I actually loved you.

I can sit here and wonder if you still think about me, like i think about you, now...and as much as I wish you did, even once a blue moon, I know the dark side to that eclipse.  So i just re-read the words that once were true, the words I need to hear so dearly through.  And even though I know my fate, there's no denying my heart will break.  I want to stop before that point where things went wrong, and stay there standing all life long.  I keep reading the words that end this note, sometimes wishing it was all you ever wrote.

"If you take anything away from this email.. just know I think about you often and believe it or not, I miss you at times"

Hey Seoul Sister

yeah, bad jokes..
get used to them

cuz just like me, they ain't gonna stop...

I've been here four days and I'm irritated…in a sense. Maybe it's just that I'm bored, or there's not much going on, or people are plain..yes, the latter, let's go with that one. I'm here in the ROK with one of my co-workers, and by the 48 hour mark I could already re-tell all the stories she was going to say when she was going to say them.

After meeting new person after new person, the stories got old fast, I can only play along like it's the first time for a couple times, if that..it starts with some comment, she'd come back with a subtle "that's what she said" line to which it would provoke a facial response from someone around…she then would go into detail about how her shop took a vote and voted her, out of the other two females, having the dirtiest mouth/mind…something in those regards. I know the other two females, and I don't remember ever having this vote…regardless…

I guess it stems from my aptitude to being a random character, that, if I were to start telling the same stories or jokes over and over, I'd become a one dimensional character…and I'm not…I'm so much more than that. Whenever it comes for me to tell a joke/story again, with someone around that heard it the first time, I'm hesitant to even say it..yeah it was witty or funny the first time, now it looks like i'm running material on you.

and even in that case I always try to reword the joke/story so it's not completely the same..trying to change it up in any way possible..the only time I actually tell jokes/stories on multiple occasions with others who know around is when I'm asked to..like the story with Build-a-Bear or Scarface…

It reminds me of Jude Law's character in I Heart Huckabees - how he constantly the same Shania Twain story over and over again…this reference is probably lost on you…go rent the movie

Ugh - what's even better is the fact that I just want to escape everything and…i think i'm doing that here. I keep trying to do my own thing, but "marines stick together" shit is making me go with the crowd…I try to go an eat alone, be alone, etc…but somehow they always find me or get me..i'm sure this group is a lovely bunch of people, that on any other time i'd love to hang out and party with like they do every night..however, that's not me, especially not right now.

I guess it's kinda convenient being half way across the world when i want to lose myself in a sense..the only troubling part is getting somewhere - wow. this weekend should prove to be something..i suppose. i know enough Korean (aka none) and where to go to just be brave and go out - nobody's gonna hold me back.

It's actually kinda nice in a way…nobody cares about me here, and I couldn't care less.





"How am I not myself?"

Korea, Korea

I'm in Seoul,
but I'm not a soldier

you remind me of a west side story…

As you may have heard, or read, I'm in Korea - what? Yeah yeah, anyway I'm here for a duration of 30 days or so..the timeframe actually keeps changing since there's really nothing to do out here (???) So I will probably be home by March 11 - that's what they are telling me at least.

Anyway, just an update for you all…obviously I have the internet, and I also have my phone. Feel free to contact me at your leisure, do keep in mind I am traveler of both time and space..meaning, I'm pretty much a day ahead of y'all.

Other than that, I've only been here for a couple of days - though it didn't take long of an absence for some girl to move on, go figure. In lighter news I plan on hitting up the sights around here, already did the 6 mile run up to Seoul Tower…BAH

I'm sure I'll elaborate more on certain things in time to come..

Other than that, no news is good news right?










"I hate when you annihilate me out of your life..when my existence in your life is worse than my disappearance."

Everyday Life...

I'm the busiest...
most bored person ever..

and if you understand that, awesome.

I don't do anything..no really, I don't do anything...I go to work in the morn and that's about it..yet somehow, I don't have time for anything...I don't get it. Even when I am at home, watching episodes of shows I've already seen a million and one times, I still somehow do not have the time to even blog..

I mean, I have a list of things I should be doing...but, I can never slot the time for those things...what I hate is, it's not like I can leave work and go run the errands I need to do out in town..no, I have to come home and change over first, then go back out..but really once I'm home, I want to take a break from things and kinda unwind.

And as for blogging...I spend all day at work staring at a computer screen, so the last thing I want to do is...well, just that when I get home.. - - though a TV is very similar, it's just further away - -

I've had my friends comment, even recently, that there's always something going on in my life..I've always got some story to tell..some crazy thing..my life is a sitcom...whatever. And I think, sure things happen...but I am the one who is aware of all the down time..or all the random filler that takes two seconds to tell, yet painstaking hours doing...example being i could tell you I haven't heard from my girlfriend in 24 hours, give little details about it all, and take five minutes telling you....mind you, I'm the one who had to sit there for 24 hours waiting on a call..or however long..it's just an example..but still..

The time spent making the story never comes close to how long it takes to tell..maybe that's why we (i) recant them so much..maybe we try to get as much out of them as we put into them. People tend to think that "I'm not over (insert something here)" because I'll tell stories about that whatever...but to those who actually know me, know that I tell stories about everyone and everything..a lot. I tell the stories because I have nothing to hide, and because it's usually something worth telling..

That's what I do, I tell stories..people like listening to my stories and I like telling them..I don't know if i like telling them because people like them...or if people like them because I have so much fun telling them..I've been told it's the stories themselves that are so entertaining..others say it's my own touch I add..in any event, they are an extension of me...maybe to make someone laugh, feel good, or just look at life differently..it's my mark I am leaving behind on the world..

and if that's the case..i need to write more.








"If only I had more time... Wait, a minute, I got all the time I want! I got a time machine! ... All right. Let's see, ten minutes ought to do it."

Why I hate The..

oh crap, can't say it..
but you know..

that Service thing I'm doing…yeah…that thing

So I hate the Corps because it's like being a Jew, an Orthodox Jew to be correct….though I'm not really how correct of an analogy this really is, it was the first thing that popped into my head..but let me continue. So as stupid it is to be a Jew, it's as equally stupid to be a Marine. So for those of you who don't know, the Orthodox Jews are the ones that celebrate Sabbot, or the Sabbath…basically that small period of time in the week where you have these "rules" and "guidelines" you need to follow in order to be a good Jew or do god's will or some crap. During this time, from the sunset on Friday to sunrise on Sunday, this group of people are forbade from doing such random tasks as turning a light switch on…and the list goes from the complete idiotic as dialing a phone, to using money, to traveling or working…what really gets me is that idiotic spectrum…the "no turning on lights" or "writing down something with a pen" or "dialing a cellphone"….if you ask a Jew why, they tell you it's because you're not supposed to be working or worrying about things, you're just supposed to relax. Well I on't know about you, but with so many ridiculous rules in place I'd be constantly worrying that I was breaking one of them…"oh shit, i just sneezed, can i do that?"

The Corps has equally as stupid of rules…especially when it comes to the uniforms..sweet jesus. While being in uniform is like partaking in Sabbot, you can't do anything! For those of you not in the Corps, let me explain, and I will not be exaggerating by any means..While in uniform you cannot…walk and drink…walk and eat..walk and use a cell phone..walk and adjust your uniform..carry things in your right hand..carry things on your back, such as a backpack..have things in your pockets…and if you were in service uniforms, don't even think about carrying a wallet in your pocket! Yes, that prior list wasn't simply the "flashy" service or dress uniforms…it pertains to the cammies as well..which is what most of us wear every single day, for hours at time because they are our work uniforms.

And I get it, the reason for all these rules on both the Corps and Jew sides is keeping with traditions and so forth..respecting the heritage that comes along with calling yourself a jew or Marine.."respect the uniform" i hear constantly as a junior Marines does something they are not supposed to..and just shortly after that another junior Marine who has been brainwashed will make a comment about "looking heinous" or some derivative about how "we didn't join the army"..when deep down inside we are all saying, really, what the fuck.

I'm not asking to reinvent the wheel here (ugh, one of my most hated sayings and I do not know why I just used it..too much hate in this blog), but what I'm asking services, of any nature, to do is, get with the times. Hey Jews, you want to not worry about the mundane, bullshit life and not work..it's called taking a vacation…not segregating yourself out of the community wherein that type of lifestyle is not conducive to living a normal, healthy, social life. Hey Corps, we understand you're the hardest of the branches of service, the best of the best, etc…but you don't have to justify these obsolete rules, standards, traditions, or whatever as a validation for keeping around a non-needed branch of service. It'd be like if I wore a condom on my dick all day long after having sex with some chick…nobody can see it, it's only hurting myself…but I already know I fucked the broad, so why do I need to have this questionable antic as a form of a reminder..people will know by the way i, err you perform..got lost in my analogy..lol.

Short in point, it's stupid to be either a Jew or a Marine.






"..don't both have grooming requirements too?!"

Alright..

I'm gonna do my best..
and by best i mean this..

which is just pressing my fingers on this keyboard here...

I'm fighting off sleepiness trying to put thoughts to text here and i'm failing at a very interesting rate. I'm on standby, was just called a dick because i'm passing out in one of the "prime spots" granted there's only me and another guy here in the computer area...had this been during the busy hour i could see an argument..but 1800 on a sunday? what the eff ever.

i should be sleeping..this is technically my sleep time and i won't be getting much for the next couple of days..it's the frickin' fourth of july, I'm a Marine, and I'll be working on it...laaaaaame. Any other Marine in the US gets full 96 (96 represents the number of hours we get off for liberty..96 is a four day weekend) but not for us..we have to...guard things?

You know, any time I have had to work on the fourth i have hated life more than anything...and it wasn't until 2006 i vowed to never work on the fourth again....

in 2004 i was working at a restaurant, on a "double". I worked my lunch shift and then went on a break..trying, pleading to get cut for the night. So when i returned back to work for my dinner shift i noticed i wasn't on the floor plan.I got my wish, or so i thought...that was hardly the case. Instead I was part of an "elite" group who were on *cough* standby *cough* Yes, standby..the equivalent of restaurant purgatory. So me and a few other employees sat in a booth together, albeit complaining, waiting...and waiting...just in case we were needed..just in case we got that rush - of course anyone who's ever been in the industry read those last lines with such cutting sarcasm that cannot accurately be replicated in any stale form of writing...

Long story short i eventually got the cut and was able to make it to my Fourth plans and watched some fireworks..yay

in 2005 i only had to work the lunch shift, all was well...but in 2006, that had a moment of history that would change the course of time from then on out. I was working at the Johnny Rockets in Cedar Point (America's Rockin' Roller Coast), my first season. It was already a tumultuous season and this was hitting the half-way point for most of the crew. I worked on the fourth, a double, because at that time, I didn't care about anything, I was just there for the ride...oh how quickly all that would change.

People remember such mundane things like their first kiss, first baseball game, whatever...servers...we remember our first walk-out. On July Fourth in 2006, after 3 years of providing service for others in the form of a waiter I had my very first walk-out. Let me explain the situation...it's the evening, sun has gone down fully, and the park is coming to a halt. The restaurant is nearly dead, but then a group of teeny bopper girls come into the building, of course it's my turn to get sat as i just cleared out my section...I take the order, expediting them, trying to get them the fuck out so i can watch the fireworks...

As the first booms go off I make my way outside...it's not too long before my server clock kicks in and tells me my guests food is about to be up..waiting just a few more explosions later I hurriedly make my way into the restaurant, grabbing up the burgers, half-n-halfs, and chicken fingers, and delivering them to the table...staying in the restaurant to make my one minute/one bite check back i can peer outside and see the reflections of the exploding fireworks lighting off the surrounding buildings, grounds, and rides. After the checkback I rush outside just in time to witness the grand finale. It's in moments like those when you can really lose yourself from the reality you are living in, that's why I needed to see those fireworks..to remove me from what it was I was doing with my life...

After all that was finished, the crew made their way from the back alley, through the restaurant, and to the front..it was time to put on "our" show...apparently because we had an almost empty restaurant we had to get people in..and what did we do to do that..dance. Our management team had the brilliant idea to make us dance to all 10 songs...of course, we didn't know this going out there..

After the first song fades out we about face and start to make our way back in, which is when and where we were greeted by said management team to turn back around and continue til further notice...by the third song most of us are confused, looking around...in the middle of the dances i keep turning around to check on my table..again, server instincts are kicking in..

I'm not allowed to go back into the restaurant, managements orders - heck i even tried at one point - i was met with a hand and a finger..there was no winning this battle..all i could do is try to keep my eyes on them, even though my back was turned the entire duration. The last song and dance wrap up and i hastily make my way in the restaurant, dashing to my table where i find nothing..no people, no money, just some of the garbage left behind that a busser was just then cleaning up..

I was just walked-out on...I could no believe it...what makes this story even better was the fact I had just had conversations with another co-worker a week prior to this instance about how I never had a walk-out in my serving career..I took pride in the plus karmatic state i was in, oh how the mighty will fall.

Of course the first thing I did was to call that very co-worker up with the details, and the second thing I did was I made that vow..to never work on the fourth again, i was over it. I couldn't allow myself to be working, at an establishment, on a god forsaken holiday...i didn't see the sense and could not comprehend how ignorant people and corporations could be..

then I went to work for a place that was open 365 days a year, but let's not go into that...Even there I was able to get the fourth off and continue on with my life as scheduled...

Now I'm working for a government agency, the frickin military, and I am not even rewarded with getting..not just any holiday, but the nation's independence day off...so thank you...thank you everyone..thank you to those who will be celebrating under the blanket of security i am providing for you and those who have come before me..who have to and had to work on the fourth...

cocksuckers.









"Me- Those fucking black bitches just fucking walked-out on me!!!
Manager- Oh, they just have to be black eh?!
Me- Yeah, because if they were any other color they would have paid their fucking bill!"

Stir Crazy

Not the noodle place..
the place of mind...

that only things place can cause....

ok..ok....ok. It's not even been a week and I'm already going stir crazy. My day consists of doing a lot of nothing, consuming a lot of time, which only moves slowly...getting less sleep than normal (for me) and not having an outlet of any of this balled up energy..

Even the internet has lost its luster..it's that bad.

Here is the run day of my day...long five hour shifts. Let's say this...lights are at 5am..we do a morning clean up, head to chow...it's 0630 and it's now time for my first shift: Fire watch. A five hour shift where I roam around the squad bay..trying to keep busy by constantly making racks, sweeping, picking up trash, texting, not watching TV, whatever...

Now it's 1130 and I switch over to Standby...this is when I can take a nap, get on my lappy, do mindless things, as long as I stay up front just in case QRF (explained in a second) needs us..five hours pass..sloooooooooowly.

it's 1600 time for chow for thirty minutes because at 1630 I'm on QRF - Quick Response Force...this is where it gets the worst...I have to sit in these desk chairs for five hours, not getting up, or falling asleep, or using electronics, or doing anything that would virtually keep me from wanting to suck start my M16A4 Service Rifle..there's a TV in front of us that is constantly playing movies or shows..but the variety sucks and I can never find it in me to watch...the Boondocks, as hard as I try it's just not quality stuff being shown..

After those five hours the cycle starts all over again...maybe this time on post I'll be on firewatch, or rover, or front post, or routes...something for five hours...followed by standby for 5, followed by QRF for five...these are my days

I have a rack..somewhere in the back of the house, but I never get to sleep in it..I have spent more time in my wall locker getting stuff in and out than I have spent in my own bed...my own bed is available to sleep in during my liberty...which we get every two to three days of working...it's a very daunting process...

And with all the fuck-ups we've been having lately our liberty keeps getting secured, aka taken away...why just this morning I got in trouble for "not being on my post" last night. it was the 2130 to 0230 shift I had firewatch...I was up, i was awake, i was patrolling the squad bay..heck I have witnesses that can testify that I was doing my job...but because the stupid fucking scribe "couldn't find" and can "never find me" I get blasted for not being on my post..

I tried to explain my case and present the evidence but it was too late, my NCOs already got the message...I love it..I get in trouble for roaming like i am supposed to do..not sitting on my ass watching the TV like every other firewatch..at no point did anyone call out my name looking for me, heck i even passed by the other fire watch members...and how the fuck can you not see me, I'm in an orange road guard vest for crying out loud!

whatever, this is lame...I cannot even begin to imagine that I have to be here for another four weeks..five weeks whatever...August First will you just hurry the fuck up so I can go to school or something...

I need something to do..







"Scribe - I looked for you last night and I couldn't find you..
Me - Funny because I had the same problem, except the only difference was I was walking my post..I didn't see you around anywhere"

Changing of the Guard

one less day..
one step closer..

the gradual unbecoming of a gentleman.

A good third of psychologists only become psychologists because they themselves are mentally unstable, and thereby getting a degree in said profession would detour the general mass from deeming them crazy..quite the table turners those people are..

I think there's a similar scenario for photographers - those who take the pics secretly have always desired to be on the other side of the lens, and since that dream isn't happening, the closest thing to being the beauty is creating the beauty.

Maybe that's just me, but I feel as if i should have been on the other side..even though i've never been a fan of the color green.

While on a random liberty we had a week back I was perusing my iphoto library in my dead time. Looking over the pictures caused a stir of emotions, however it was not over the events that were depicted in the digital rendering before my eyes, but rather the smile drawn on my face was from simply having photos i deemed worthy...

I'm a very critical person, and only harder on myself, so for me to state that I approved of something I had made takes a lot. There's been many a moment where I've wanted to take a picture while training, at boot, or whatever...I feel just like this writing, that one of my (few) talents is slipping away. They saw in order to stay in shape, whether it's a physical thing or whatever, you need to do it..to practice it..I unfortunately haven't had the freedom to practice anything other than what I was told to do.

I don't know when I'll be able to get my hands wrapped back around my camera again..I don't know when I'll be able to produce quality pictures again..I don't know when the time will be there..

it's annoying, this living like this...I have a storage unit full of things, my life..my past life..that just sits there...things i used to use every day, the accessibility to use them whenever...now i live off the bare minimums..luckily i have my lappy and phone, i suppose that should be good enough, but it's not.

I'll wake up one morning..have liberty..want to put on a certain shirt, or shoes, or grab something random...but I cannot..it's not here..i have the same three shirts to choose from, my civilian attire has almost became another uniform...
"what's it gonna be today....civie alphas....civie bravos..."

if there's one way the corps is gonna change me, it's gonna be like this...the breakdown of what i was, who i was....it isn't accomplished at boot camp, or MCT, or MOS school..it's a longer process....I'm still the same person I was before I left, but I'm slowly dying away...with more orders, more secured liberty, i lose a piece of myself every time. This is how they want it, by the numbers. Some people change overnight, some welcome this lifestyle and adapt quickly, openly embracing all the ideals and propaganda, I wasn't one of them. I stayed my individualistic self. But time will soon be all i have left...

ugh, five years...i've held out longer than that









"Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes
I've moved your mountains and marked your cards
But Eden is burning either brace yourself for elimination
Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards."

The Straw

that broke my back..
but didn't silence my voice...

the tale of childish games and those who play them

it may come to no surprise that i can endure a lot of shit, take a lot of heat, bottle a lot of things up - but of course when doing so, there's always a breaking point, and someone else behind the explosion..there's always somebody pushing the buttons, crossing the line too many times that causes the building up, and then the final burst...tonight was no different

the story starts off on a positive note, not the typical case of the mondays. it was one of my days off and i planned on getting things accomplished, or so i thought. one of my fellow co-workers sent me a text saying they were sick and asked me to pick up - having my hopes set on doing some of my goals even with the late wake up time i agreed contingent upon a later in time...my request was granted and i was due in at 5

that gave me plenty of time to go to the gym, the bank, get some food, shower, whatever it is i do...all this put me in an uber-good mood - so much that even though i walked to work i was still early.

i was livin' the dream, but this would all come to an end soon through the actions of another co-worker. whether they were jealous to see me happy or what i'll never know, i just know that her intentions were to bring me down, without a doubt.

i knew this co-worker had a problem with me, she wasn't thrilled to be working the same night i was working as displayed by the huge grunt/sigh she let out as i said hi to her as she walked in. from there i decided it best to just go on my own way and to some degree ignore her..basically keep things and us separate...but again, those were my wishes, evidently she had others..

my station/section was located in the front, so i spent a majority of my time up there. and in the beginning of the night any time i would make my way to the back, for whatever reason, i would naturally cross paths with her - as i would cross paths with many other employees..but this one co-worker in particular found reason to make a scene or say something every time i walked by. and any time i start to talk to someone, whether it be my SA, manager, or whomever, she had to chime in with incoherent dribble directed at me.

this was so much of a spectacle that other employees were asking me what the other co-workers deal was, why was she being, and i quote, "such a bitch" to me. i played it off best i could, i put my blinders up and tuned her out, until we finally had a confrontation.

the co-worker was still hung up on a situation that occurred almost a fortnight ago with one of her tables. this was evidenced by her remark to me asking if i was gonna call her a liar to her tables tonight or if i was gonna talk shit to her tables again tonight. Long story short there was a mis-communication, something playfully said, something taking in the wrong context, and something heard as they wanted to hear it.

All in all i've been wanting to resolve the problem from the start, but any time the conversation is brought up i'm not allowed to say my side of the story and cannot get a word in edgewise - that other co-worker is always the one to get angry and walk away..just as she did tonight, saying she was over it, that it wasn't an issue any more...but, if that were the case, then why did she bring it up i replied back, only to have her walk away in anger yet again.

Let's not forget to mention she kept throwing away my drinking cup in the back..or let's forget

then my buttons were pushed for the last time. as i mentioned i was in the front, i had a ten top, that was my evening...at one point i ran to the back to get the third diet for this gentleman at my table and noticed half of my apps were up in the window, knowing they were just about to come up and my table wanted me to take the orders when i returned i called out to the kitchen, to a group of the "tan coats" asking to run my apps if they could, would you believe that the aforementioned co-worker was amoung this group.

so i took the orders on my ten top, it took some time because there was a meeting and everyone i went to would start talking...as i made my way around the first five orders, my mind is elsewhere, i keep glancing at the private room's door..expecting to see my apps walk in any moment...i keep waiting..i keep taking orders..and still i wait.

once i finished with all the orders with still no apps on the table i quickly made my way to the back..there i find a manager and said co-worker waiting for my apps to come back out. yes i said back out, for as you see they sat in the window too long and lost their temperature..this irked me to some degree, but whatever...it wasn't until that co-worker made a malicious comment about me not being able to handle a ten top and killing my apps...

i stopped in my tracks, mid-sentence, turned around and started to leave the kitchen...i always try to just remove myself from the situation for i know how bad my temper is and i know that's what they say a bigger person should do...but just as i was about to leave the kitchen my boiling point hit and i turned back around.

i cursed some expletives, cursed the people who did not run my food, and cursed the people i pay for not running my food...i think the choice word was "fuck" this time...i left the kitchen and headed back to my table where i was to do random filling of beverages and so forth...i left the private room to see the co-worker leading out my apps with the manager en route. the manager tried to say something as we passed by, but i was on a mission, tunnel vision maybe.

i took my angry little self back through the kitchen, through IRD, and out onto the back dock to walk around and get some air...i don't know why we in the industry do this, but we do. those back alley's aren't for deliveries and smoking only..no, the garbage cans and receptacles have seen their fair share of kicks and obscenities shouted their way...

i wasn't to that point, i just wanted to remove myself from the restaurant to recompose myself for the rest of the night. i always think back to those moments i've had a CPJR that were similar to this, but standout more i think because they happened more often..though it seems this place is catching up.

it's one thing to fuck with me an entire shift, to say shit, to mess with my drink by putting lemons in it..but you cross the line when you fuck with my guests - to deliberately not run my food and cause others to disregard it in some sort of power struggle or revenge is flat out psychotic.

when people do shit like that it reminds me of my first serving job at Blue Bird..there was an expediter who had a crush on me. we had hung out but once i knew she had "just a friend" who was an ex trying to get back with her i ended things..not to mention on those few occasions we did hang out i thought she wasn't on the level..only to prove myself right in the upcoming story..

as i said she was the expo at my work..controlling my food in the window..when my first couple of tickets suddenly "got lost" i thought nothing of it, it was busy, there were actually two expos that day as i remember..but as i pieced it together it was only food coming from her side that "wouldn't show" and when i asked her to "re-make" the items i needed she at first played the "sympathetic" card and told me she was remaking them...but after i continued to wait and the items were never made and i went to her a second time i got the "sorry 'bout ya" look and shrug...needless to say she didn't work there much longer...

it's sad how people will let their personal life interfere with their work life, and vice versa..though i think i can understand a bit of that...but then again..there's some people who i just hate working with because they suck at their job, but meet them after y'all clock out and it's a different story.

the show continued for the rest of the evening's shift. the co-worker continued to talk shit to me whenever i did something "gee, surprised you actually helped out" and other things. she refused to help me run out any other food for my table throughout the evening as well, as i "never thanked her for running my apps out" as she put it.

all i can say is this whole situation amazes me...the childish way she acts towards me, the malicious way she attacks me..you'd think it was HER who had something over ME...but this is not the case, in fact it is just the opposite...she should be the one walking on eggshells...and now i remember, the one request i asked of her since the beginning...i said do not cross me, do not upset me, do not cause ill will in my life and i will keep my silence.

and i have given the co-worker a chance to apologize, to settle things, to make things right in the universe once again..but i have a feeling i'll be asking Mr. Gorbachev to tear down that wall..










"for once i've met someone who is more childish than i am..."

What's Today's Name?!

oh right..
i think someone forgot...

don't take that, or any attitude with me on today

so today i worked a double....the only break i had was in between my check out at 315 and pre-shift at 4..wow.... *side note - i love the fact that my workplace/management is the only place i have ever worked at where the doubles come in on their second shift before the other half starts their first...that's right...doubles will work 1030 & 4..whereas singles will stroll into work at 530...everything has already been done for them and they are gonna close, get the most covers, and also make the most money...probably more than any double did on both shifts combined..while working a lot less hours for it....fair, not really.

so it's after pre-shift and a few of the single-shifters are actually here at 4 today, wow. so naturally i am slow to start up with an real work...i'll play "polish" in my section, stand up at the host stand to see where i am at and what my tables need to be set for, but as for lemons/butters/whatever...that's for the fresh people who just got here...

i try to avoid the alley as much as possible early in the shift - that's when people are doing their sidework and will rope anyone that comes near them to help out. now this is a problem because the path out to the bathroom or to the back dock is right through the alley...so if you were in need to smoke, potty, whatever you have to walk right through the line of fire so to speak...you cannot linger in the alley, or talk amoungst other co-workers..your time in the alley needs to be as minimal as possible...you need to quickly dart through there as if you are on a mission, because, well, you kinda are...

now, this is easier said than done....the alley is like a vacuum, and as much as you intend on avoiding it, there are only so many places you can stand and talk for so long, you'll eventually find yourself in the alley, leaning on something and talking...i don't know how many times i swear i've woken up to someone asking me to help them out, realizing i wasn't at the bar like the last time i remembered...

so it happened today..and people were all hustlin' and bustlin' about trying to get caught up. lunch was decently busy so we were on lower supply than normal to start the evening off with. it wasn't really low, just out of the comfort range which the night crew usually walks into - ohhh, the ever long battle of who fucks over who the most.....does the night crew leave lots of silverware for the morning crew to take care of, or does the morning crew not give a fuck and leave lots of work for the night crew...answer, both. but the morning crew has the winning advantage in this scenario, those who work the morning shift have to set up the tables for the dinner shift; i.e. the party tables, where there are minimums to be had and what the servers are making is already known...money on demand and they didn't have to do a thing for it..

so today i'm trying to catch a little break and ignore the fools that just came in, but as luck may have it, i'm caught in the back doing minimalistic work. now i am working, polishing some glasses or silverware or what have you..but when it comes to the real tedious work of lemons/butters, eff all that....so the night crew is stressing and start to point blame on the lunch crew and that's about when i let loose.

i don't blow up, o, that would not be in the name or spirit of the day...i kindly remind everyone that it's thursday, or first reservations aren't for another 2 hours...everybody just needs to chill the fuck out..the work will get done, stressing over it is only gonna agitate everyone..

why are people like this...there was no time constraint, there was no need for people to start worrying about the lack of sets, i don't know it just bothers me and i'm done talking about it...










"di..did everyone forget what today is...do i need to remind them?!"