Hiatus

what..
where?

And how much does it cost?

It's a weird feeling, knowing that you've been writing, yet going to your home page and seeing zero posts for 2014.  So, have I been writing?  What exactly have I been doing this entire month?

Well, I have been writing, just different forums and projects...but of course nothing you can see on here.  Looking back and realizing this, this must have been the cause for my drought in the past - focusing my writing energy in various places other than in this blog.  Ranting on facebook, trolling, and side "homework" projects have consumed my time and efforts, leaving this in the dust.

But I don't want it to be like that.

This here blog has been with me for over a decade now and I will continue to use it as an outlet for my creative genius...whether some think so or not.

Many people have tried to silence me in the past, I won't let myself be one of them.

I've been thinking about adding some of my better troll posts on here, so you all can get a laugh, see something updated and new, and not have my post count sit at zero.  It's a work in progress and maybe i'll try a few to test the waters..

So that's what has been going on in my world.  I'm alive.  I'm writing.  Just need to recenter myself and focus in on here.  I realize I can't be in a million places at once, and if you spread genius out too thin, it is no longer genius but a flimsy average crust.















"you's be trollin!"

I Concede

No white flag, 

just going to let be...

A post about posts...

After much consideration, I feel as if 'pushing' posts on you, this year, would be wrong.  I do not like the idea of forcing these posts to meet some made up quota.  It would not be right.  That is not the idea behind this blog.

Granted, I have come across some writing exercises that tell you to force a set hour or so each day to post - which I can understand their intent; and I have no qualms with that.  What my argument is against is posting multiple times in one day..posting so many times in way to make up for the days, weeks, and months of lost posts this year.

It would be like a deathbed repentance...as my time grows nearer, I fight fruitlessly in order to 'make things right', only to appease myself really.  Sure I'll look back at this year and wonder "why?".  I'm shamefully shake my head in disappointment at the low number; but rather not the low number itself, but what it represents - my laziness.  

Sure there was a period in the first third of the year i was extremely bogged down with work and school..but what abut the rest...

no excuses, just write.

"I can't promise the future will be any different, but I can promise I'll try"

So This One Time..

I was gonna write..

Errrrrrr

WRONG>

I woke up on this Sunday feeling good about getting stuff done.  It has been my goal to get on a schedule of sorts to make sense of the days out here.  You see, if you didn't know by now, I work every single day..ever.single.day...that is not a fabrication..I go into work at 1500, and leave somewhere between 2300-2400..not bad hours, in fact I enjoy working that shift because nobody is around in the office, it's quiet..it's just good...but it's every day.

So to combat that, trying to get a routine started, something similar to back home I guess.  Sunday is my catch up day - do laundry, that type of stuff.  I had planned on doing just that, and more (such as blogging ((I have three topics in my head I keep forgetting!))), but that wouldn't be the case.

Of course I get a call from work; we are going to clean out weapons in less than an hour.  This was about the time I was to start my laundry and hop in the shower.  So ultimately I missed lunch, didn't have time to blog, and cleaned a weapon that was already clean..

I did get my laundry done before work, and luckily I had some snacks in my room to hold me over before I was able to go for dinner later..and now here I am.

This wasn't the blog you were supposed to get, but it's the one you're gonna get.

"it's not the post they deserve, it's the post they need"

Posty Posty

ran

dumb

random

With all this extra time on my hands I really should be writing/posting....instead of watching and critiquing Snakes on a Plane.  Seriously though, I haven't slept much due to this time change..and as soon as I do pass out, I'm awoken by everybody's alarms going off over and over for the morning shift...then they wake up and start talking with that absolutely hideous southern accent..

If I wanted to listen to someone talk with shit in their mouths, I would just talk to....a dog.

God, it's like the proverbial nails on a chalkboard in my mind...shiver.  The slack-jawed yokels I work with..Idiots that get promoted with lower cutting scores than one should get promoted with...and here I am, squeaking by to the next rank with a cutting score that would get me to 2 ranks higher in their job...fuck.

Anyway..I've got a lot of catching up to do if I wish to not make this the least productive year for writing ever...

Ok, this is simple..it's just me mashing my fingers on the keys in a rhythmic fashion...I can do this..I can double time this shit..I'm recovering from a back injury, so I'm bed-ridden for a minute - no gym, and only work and eating..I can do this..

prepare your browsers, the double posts are coming...

"If I have one ragret in life, it's that i did not go see Snakes on a Plane in the theater"

Looking Back

On the year..

on the bad..

on everything

This belated look back is similar to that of the reflection in a murky puddle of mud.  I normally do my year in review (year end review*) at, well, the end of the year; but as I have mentioned earlier, that never happened.  I figure with the rape-aversary date rapidly approaching, now would be as good of time as any to kick it off.

2012 was one of those years you'll look back on much later in life and say, "man, that year brought me down to my lowest point..but I overcame and made it to here" and you'd point to whatever place you were standing as some sort of vague implication on what you were actually talking about.  But as those wounds are still pussing, it's a little more difficult to do anything but laugh at just how fucked up last year really was.

If I recall correctly, I started off the New Year by airing my grievances, all at the mispleasure of bringing about the 2008 jangus.  Later that month a girl came back into my life for the umteenth time, and like Rihanna to Chris Brown, I supported it.  This would prove to again be a series of ups and downs, back and forth like a see-saw we found ourselves finding each other, yet "needing" to separate ourselves as well.

As the new month arrived that relationship kicked into overdrive and (I thought) things were moving in the right direction.  Time spent over the Valentine's holiday was doubly meaningful as it was to be my last days before going over to Korea for a month.  And things started off great until day two, when that relationship, much like my presence in the states, went away.

Just shy of a month spent in Korea, despite the sadness I was facing, was quite a good experience for me.  In short, it was existential and I enjoyed it - I also got a lot of writing accomplished as well, not just blogging, but a note everyday to the one who ran away.

My trip was cut just short of a month and I found myself in the states for St Patrick's day..and what was to come was, and still is, unthinkable.  I won't, and probably can't, go into too much detail about what happened - that matter was actually a full blog that I started to write then erased because it angered me so much.  But what happened was, said previous girl and I got back together as we both longed for one-another...she spent the night..I thought that would be the turning point in our relationship, little did I know it would be, just not in the direction I was aiming for..she, and I quote, had never been more comfortable in her life than laying next to me in my bed, end quote...the next day would be the last time I saw her again.

Fast forward to the weekend of my birthday, hear back from girl - it has been two weeks now - and there's a "pregnancy scare", I quote that because actually it was a device used to try and entrap me on grounds of..rape.

I'll give you a moment..

So I spent time being interrogated by detectives, and having to explain to my chain of command just what in the eff was going on.  That same week I do my first interview with Big Brothers Big Sisters..two weeks pass and another love of mine finds a way to break me, again. This time it was on the basketball court, and the break was actually the ligaments in my ankle.  The lack of professional medical help provided by the military only made things worse.  Pain killers coupled with my world crashing in around me proved to be a horrible combination..and in fear of doing something stupid, I fought through the pain and flushed the meds down the drain.

The next months I spent recovering, which put a hold on moving my stuff out here from Indy.  I went to a lot of rehab, and pushed myself to workout and keep on top of things, striving to get back to where I was before.  I really don't recall the summer months all that well; Gary made an appearance during the fourth of july-causing me to skip my traditional chicago plans and stay in SoCal.  Another friend came out a month later, causing such a drunken ruckus it caused my PS3 controller to split into many pieces...and that's the fun version of that story.

August came around and I found myself moving into a new place, closer to work and right on the beach.  Which was also the time I made a trip back out to the midwest to pack it all up and turn my back on that place, for the final time.  The trip was a nice vacation away from everything, work and so forth - even if I did do 28 of the 30 hours of straight driving through.  But that week proved to be a very interesting week.  

I'm not even sure if you could call it an old flame, but sparks definitely did ignite with a missed connection of sorts; which naturally complicated things for both of us.  And shortly after that, another past lover decided to make a big, marching band required, appearance into my life as well.  In fact, most of the drive back I spent texting and talking to said person.  This too proved to be complicated with the nature of conversations and pictures sent.

But like all good things, these too would come to an end..first with the former lover calling it quits on both her boyfriend at the time, and me.  Then after my two week 'hiatus' for Fleet Week in SF, the missed connection solidified as to why it wasn't to be either.

With being shat on enough in 2012, I made the bold statement to the oncoming month of November to "do your worst", feeling as if I had endured enough, there was nothing November could do that I could not overcome...I now have a regret in life.  

With everything now in my possession, under one roof, I was getting settled in. One item in particular I was excited about was my external harddrive. Finally, I thought, the constant worry in the back of my mind about backing up my data will be relieved! Oh how horribly fallacious I was to provoke November.  In the very process of backing up my data, everything went wrong.  The laptop's hd had a mechanical failure...and the external hd had a data corruption.  Everything was lost...even to this very day, after sending it to place after place to attempt to salvage the data. No such luck.

That was the nail in the coffin, that was the final straw, that, was the death of me.

Everything after that point was, and is, a blur.  Things happened...things continue to happen.  Michigan ended up losing to OSU, I ruined something because of my stubbornness, I ruined something else because of my vacuousness, and I'm fighting more battles than I need to be right now.

Still no results from my DNA sample, so the accusations are still on the table...all my pictures up to November of last year are gone, my ankle has gotten better, but still isn't 100%, and there always seems to be that one person on my mind.

just the quick recap of the worst year of my life, that is all.

"i have nothing to say i haven't already said"

Everything

I lost,
Everything

four syllables

I don't write on desktops.  No, spur of the moment writing is nothing that can be conformed to fit a reserved area of space.  My laptop is back up and running, kind of.  Sure it's the same laptop as before (though the keyboard and other oddities are gonna take some time getting used to) but the difference is, everything.  I lost everything.

I am referring to the harddrive that used to be in this machine..the one that so timely decided to fry up in the middle of me backing up the darn thing..destroying not only itself, but the harddrive it was backing up to.  I suppose it gained a little bit of me over the years and decided to go out like I would.

After trying several different companies to retrieve any bit of information from the fallen drive, all attempts came up null.  Pictures, documents, anything and everything from the past 4 years has been erased, as if it never happened.

Looking back, I asked November to do it's worst last year, it succeeded.

So that combined with not liking to write at my new desktop, still hating this horrible format change, and being completely busy are all reasons enough as to why I haven't wrote in so long.  Now don't get me wrong, there were times I came ever so close to banging on the keys, but obviously nothing came of that.

No classic year in review, no meaningless updates, nothing...not until the second week of the second month..ashamed I am.  Well, maybe I'll get my act together here..who knows..granted I'm even busier what with classes and so forth, but, I'll make due, I owe you that much.

stay positively tuned.








"Every end is a new beginning"

Hello There, You

A story,

Nothing like before

Shortly.

I've been telling myself I need to write, I've been saying the words in my head so much they've actually manifested aloud.  And the recent conversations to me of my blog only have brought it more to the present.

The Holidays.  I started to get into a comfortable place the other day, I use the term 'comfortable' very loosely here as it's actually a very unpleasant feeling.  What was comfortable, rather, was the familiarity of it.  I was off of work, and knowing I didn't have to be back for another 48 hours took a weight off my shoulder like never before.  These feelings used to come so much easier not too long ago.  Just getting two days off in a row would do this for me; but now, with the routine, two days just isn't enough.

I can put the blame on Sunday.  Sunday is one of my days off, the most worthless day in my book.  here's what usually happens.  Friday, get out of work, never early, but continue with my week things and routines. Friday night I'm likely to still get into bed at the same time as i did the night prior..but I sleep in Saturday.  Sure sleeping in for me now is something like waking up at 8:35; but I take my piss and go back to bed.  Waking sometime once the double digits hit.  I'll make my breakfast and slowly begin my day, never really getting it out of, and at worse into, second gear.  Once 4:30 hits I'm back out for the count, a mid-day nap for no reason other than why not.  I awake an hour or so later rearing to go!  But of course by then it's a little late to get very much accomplished....maybe go to the gym..maybe hit the grocery store..but that's about all i can do.  And then sunday comes around.  Now that I've used a day to rest up, I'm good to go the next..the only problem is; mostly everything is closed on a Sunday.  This 'holiday' weekend has been no different.

I kept with my Christmas tradition and rented some Redbox movies (though I can't get (too) drunk, as I do not have tomorrow off from work).  Call it what you will, but the movies I've been watching have had something to do with writing; book, stories, what have you...this consistent theme must have struck a chord with me as here I am now, writing, telling you nothing but garbage.

I'm losing my bearing here.  There's a lot on my mind -  things started to flare up over the weekend, but I took a friend's company to drown out anything surfacing.  Maybe I'm not completely derailed and this upcoming 96 will take me to where I need to go.  I'm hoping so, because I really was all over the place in this one, yet I don't think I got anywhere.

Here's looking at tomorrow...

"..if only my dreams involved tomorrow"

Stupid

what

the

fuck, google?!

I hate this new format...it makes me not want to write at all...I don't get it..I've been using blogger since 2002...blogger was bought out by google awhile back...there has been little changes in that decade..subtle things here and there..color schemes, certain formats, the login proces...but now...now...this whole thing kills it for me.

the ease is gone...the design is gone..the creative flow is gone....maybe it means i should be gone as well.  if it's not broken, why "fix" it...there was no need, no demand to change the former layout..

Ugh, I'm sorry, I'm just ranting about something trivial...but, it's an update for you guys...blogger changed their setup, and I hate it...google's mantra is "don't be evil", well, they are failing right now

Maybe I'll use something else...

"Who uses yahoo to search anyways?!"

Don't Call it a Comeback

I'm here to stay forever

and ever and a day that's never

I can't let you go

Look, I can sit here and make excuses about this, that, or the other - granted the past three plus weeks have been hectic - the main point isI'm back. We all know there's gonna be a hiatus in the summer months, and then just as all that ends, and September rolls in (bloody bloody September), so does my blogging.

It's a week in and I'm already late on this. Finally there's things to say, but I haven't had the opportunity...so now i'm just making this stepping stone of a blog to get my fingers a little wet, wipe off the dust, break off the rust, and go for the gust...oh

I figure if i knock something out of the way, something such as this, it will give way to something a little more...meaningful. As I said to another fellow blogger (oh, did I mention I got someone to start blogging?!), not every post is going to be a masterpiece, work of art, nobel prize worthy...but think about who you're doing it for..and also think of those as the unofficial important takes on the really good ones. Sure in another world posts like these get deleted - like scenes in a movie, you don't actually follow around the character for every move - and what's left is all diamonds and gold...but the truth is, you have to remove some dirt off before you have that...that necessary dirt is these posts.

So as I stumble over the keys hunting and pecking, trying to formulate my analogies, this is what happens...practice makes perfect, and this is me coming back from the off-season..first games are a little deficient.

but it's ok, certain skills are like certain loves, yo never really lose them.

"Come with me"

Blogger Life

Jen..

you..

in?

Yes. My blog is hosted by google, the blog is written in blogger, bought out by google, and the email address that is attached to this blog is run by google. That being said, every now and then I will receive email notifications from google about my blog; mainly, when people are brought to my site because they google searched something.

I typically no longer give notic

e to these emails after seeing a disturbing trend in them. Apparently there are a lot more sick people out there in the world, and I was just made light of the situation. Most of the hits my blog gets are from people searching "kids in tighty whities" (this is sure to get me even more creepy hit results now...fail).

Now immediately i know what you are thinking, there are two questions posed here, and I'll answer one. Why does my blog come up as a result for that creeptastic search? Well, it dates back to a post somewhere around 2004? It wasn't even a real post but one of those stupid online quizes I much so loved to post when I had nothing else to say...However, the real questions remains...why are people searching that stuff?! I feel dirty just for being in association with it.

However, all this leads me up to another story. This morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm on my phone going off. And as I do every morning, I dismiss the alarm, which opens the phone, and I see all my nightly notifications - texts, facebook, emails, etc. I use these notifications as a waking up method, checking and dismissing them, deleting, until they all go away..hopefully gaining some awareness in the process, making my rise a little more loose. This morning I was blessed with one of the google update emails about my blog. And in my fumbling process wherein i continue to miss the trash can button with my finger over and over I read more and more of the email. This weeks searches caught my idle eye.

It seems as though if one were to search "fucked his daughter in the ass" not only would my blog show up, but it would be the number 1 hit - of course I think for hilarity it should be number 2, but let's not get anal about it. Of course the post it references was back when I went to court for my dog, which is also an infamous post that still leaves a certain someone a little unsettled. Of course this is my morning delight and I share it with the world via my twitter. Naturally, one of followers is offended, which of course just so happens to be the person of which the post is about. This, as you can probably guess, starts a fight - if there's one constant in my life, it's that the things I say get me in trouble...today is no different, even if they are new words speaking of old words.

my readers comment to my tweet stirred up my wit, as i responded with a sly monty hall proposition. You see, this reader wants that amazing post deleted, removed, erased from existence; and as all of you know by now, I am not one to just edit myself (unlike certain people who try and photochop their lives to fit whatever emotion is the current trend that day for them) So I suggest that I'd be more than willing blot out the blog post should one pass on the papillon. This does not go over well as you would imagine, and results in another chirping attack proclaiming the reader has paid me for the dog and is therefore theirs..true, but again, that was after the courts decreed proper ownership was mine..but you know what, I paid my dues to host that post, so I guess if she wants to buy that post as well she can too do.

I offered a compromise on a stance I typically don't move on, I thought I was being a good guy, but that's the problem with being real, people really don't like it. I post, and I don't correct - like i always say, this is a one time sit and rant style of blogging..i won't go back and edit things for my approval, and I sure as shit won't do it for yours. What I felt then was how I felt and it remains in the past..unless you try to kick up that dirt. Sure you can try and delete those comments, posts, pictures, and everything else that built your little world up at the drop of a hat because you lost your god damned mind..but it doesn't make it from ever existing...and though you try to block out those details and hide in the dark, the light of truth burns like a thousand eternal suns...but you are no Eloisa..

What has been seen cannot be unscene; what has been felt cannot be unpenned, what has been willed cannot be unquilled.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot."

The Weekend

some posts

are just nothing

and so you get this

I spent the weekend, heavily medicated and heavily under the bottle. I won't go into details of the matter, but let's just continue with "i'm here, and I'm alive" Sometime this week I finished reading Lolita, took a few days off before I read, and finished, God Hates Us All. The next book..not sure, Great Gatsby? Possibly.

I wrote some things yesterday, late last night, well after my, well ,everything, was wearing off..i'll have to go back and check it out, not that it posted, i just know there's got to be huge gaps in whatever i came up with..

I'm feeling....tired. I can't focus on the thoughts I had earlier, and not that it troubles me, it's just whatever. Maybe I'll get a good night's sleep...but more than likely I'll wake up somewhere around 4am having to piss and move over into my bed, where I'll hit the huge pillow I brought over to eleviate my foot and face plant into the bed itself, making me feel as if I am crashing helplessly into hopelessness.

That's all i Got from this weekend, I survived, ain't that good enough?

"I'd say that's the plan, but lord knows how well my plans actually go through.."

Not Allowed

not supposed to

urged not to..

but what do i know anyway

I've come to realize it doesn't really matter what I do; good, bad, nothing...something horrible is bound to come from it. This is just an update...just to update...to prove that I don't just blog when things are good or bad or whatever..

I've got a lot to say, and I was working on "Our Story" - a recap of a what I believed to be a true love story occurring one special night...little did i know that night would be our demise?

the best night turned into the worst night somehow.

"I've never been more comfortable in my life than in that bed with you..."

Nothing

dot,

dot,

dot.

Good evening readers. It's been a couple weeks since my last post, funny how I posted more when I was in a far away land..and of course since my last post things have happened - I am actually currently in the works of this epic post, but I needed to take a break form that, I guess..or maybe I lost all hope in that train of thought for the moment.

I just deleted that last sentence..interesting. I guess I have a knack for deleting things recently, or getting things deleted..something along those lines. I really am struggling with words..words that actually make complete sentences...i guess i cannot say "I am without words" because even when I am, such as a time like now, I still find someway to force them.

Despite my shortcomings I push through.bah, even as i type that sentence I hate the wording...I'm losing my touch..losing my touch with everything. This is just an update, nothing more..

I'm alive, that is all.

"oh i suppose i'll put something witty down here..."

Unfinished

Why didn't these make the cut
what could have been

what is and what never shall be

I just posted some unfinished/unpublished posts..that are NEW..never before seen...just a matter of, where..or, when rather...

well, here's one..funny it's about the truth..not so funny it's from November..

Alright, that is all...








"So I says to Mabel I says..."

Guess I Got My Answer

In the future..
but posting presently..

not understanding the logic behind it all

So apparently Blogger still has me locked onto CONUS time..whether it's east or west coast time I'm not certain, I think I may have updated it to West, but who knows...so my posts are like a day late pretty much..

cool story.







"The heart wants what it wants... There's no logic to those things."

Korea, Korea

I'm in Seoul,
but I'm not a soldier

you remind me of a west side story…

As you may have heard, or read, I'm in Korea - what? Yeah yeah, anyway I'm here for a duration of 30 days or so..the timeframe actually keeps changing since there's really nothing to do out here (???) So I will probably be home by March 11 - that's what they are telling me at least.

Anyway, just an update for you all…obviously I have the internet, and I also have my phone. Feel free to contact me at your leisure, do keep in mind I am traveler of both time and space..meaning, I'm pretty much a day ahead of y'all.

Other than that, I've only been here for a couple of days - though it didn't take long of an absence for some girl to move on, go figure. In lighter news I plan on hitting up the sights around here, already did the 6 mile run up to Seoul Tower…BAH

I'm sure I'll elaborate more on certain things in time to come..

Other than that, no news is good news right?










"I hate when you annihilate me out of your life..when my existence in your life is worse than my disappearance."

Every Now and Then

don't..
don't start singing..

just, stay with me here

So every now and then, it's something that only comes around once in..a total lunar eclipse, but it happens. So every now and then I will write a post, in full, yet not publish it. It will be ready to go and I all I have to do is hit that stupid little publish button, but I don't, at least not then.

You see, nothing upsets me more than seeing drafts on my dashboard. Even so to the extent that I have published half blogs, posts that were for whatever reason never completed, even if it makes no sense...just because, it was something I was going through at that time. Of course I would have loved to finished those thoughts, and as angry as I am for leaving those ideas in limbo, I published them regardless.

But certain posts, like maybe one I just wrote, maybe, are full of too much emotion at a certain time, or full of too much information, that for whatever reason I cannot publish it then. It's good just to get things off my chest, type it out if you will. And although I will talk to anyone about anything at anytime, for some reason posts like those are considered in a way to be classified material - with an unclass date sometime in the future.

And so there will come a time when the post gets published, and only I know when it happens because by then there's been so many other posts it gets lost or hidden along the way...and so my avid readers will never really see it, and only those that just join in at that later time who read back may be the only ones who actually come across it..and then, by then, that situation has blown over and we're sailing smoothly into another.

So if you think I'm not writing, you may be wrong, I may just not be publishing, sorry if hat throws you off.








"Click, aaaaaaand..I can't post this...save now.."

Cold

the temp..
and what i'm getting...

Ughhh, I thought i had all my shots too...

Just a quick little update..I know I'm on a three-day weekend and planned on actually doing something, but my plans, much like my immune system, have been compromised...it's only a sniffly head cold at the moment (i refuse to type atm because I giggle...) so we will see where it goes from there..

I would like to note how cold it gets here over night...yeah yeah, bark at me all you want about "cold" but when I go outside, in SoCal and it's 34 degrees out...I'm not a happy camper..granted by 10 the temps are back in the 60s..I just hate living so close to the ocean sometimes...

I wish I had my cold cocktail supplies because that'd knock this shit right out...








"you're a Marine..and you have a cold....seriously....."

I'm Slacking..

..apparently...
but whatever..

i do what i want.

It was brought to my attention that I have been "slacking" in my blog posts..with the turn of the new year turned yet another chapter in my life turning as well..i feel as a moderate break from posting is good..i always would get mad at myself for producing just random angsty crap with no real profound message or meaning..and i think forcing yourself to write everyday does just that. I should write when I feel passionate or wanting to tell a tale of..whatever it is i do...

on the other hand, one could argue that the every day writing is what keeps the author up to par...in a sense it's practice makes perfect...the posts you write everyday, regardless of the content, push your abilities as a...whatever you want to call it, an allows for those memorable posts to come later.

so there is my dilemma...to post or not to post...well, maybe i should get some posting in now before I go to Korea in February...

oh, wait...did i forget to tell you that....









"not that it matters..metallica was right..nothing really matters.."

Un

full
filled

the clarification...

My last post seemed..short..or to not have as much filler in it as normal...I've had several ideas for the direction my blogs should take...at times I want them to be long, like a frickin chapter out of a book...and then at other times i feel i can get the same thing said in a more direct, quicker fashion. The later always makes me feel like I'm cheating the system, that I'm making an update with just a few sentences, nothing substantial.

In my last post the whole reason why I wrote the thing was mentioned briefly, in a half sentence, I never got into the logistics of what that friend did to make me end communication with them, nothing..it was originally on my mind, amoung other things, but it never got mentioned..so in a way, part of me feels unfulfilled, like i left out the story..but yet my meaning clearly got across...didn't it?

Whatever..it's not like the friend ever read this blog so they wouldn't know the horrific details of what makes them a horrible person...I guess that's one less person to have cried about this blog..so then what does it matter..i guess what really matters is that the week of angry feelings and writings about that person have come to a close, moving on...

Ugh, new note..I just hate being let down..I don't put too high, or unreasonable expectations on people..I guess I just would want someone who calls themselves a good friend of mine to be able to do the same things I'd do for them - no questions asked. It's the ultimate golden rule. I want things done for me like i'd do for you..i want to be treated like i treat you...i want to be loved like i love you...

is that really so much to ask for?









"oh crap...domino effect of the blogs happening now..."