Why So Difficult?

ends versus means
where's machiavelli when i need him

this month is proving to be a difficult one, but, is it worth it?

May may be the new november work wise...for some reason i am struggling to get through this month..day by excruciatingly long day..honestly, i can't even think about the next day, if i were to set my sights that far ahead and think, hey, at this same time tomorrow i'm going to be doing the same thing, i'd probably off myself...that's why i set my sights on the shorter goal....work will be over in 5 hours...then, then you can sit down..then you can relax....then you can eat...then you can escape

another day in a week where my days have been extremely rough, this monday was no different. i was stationed in section one, the head closer, great..another long night, there's no escaping that one, i'm here til after close...and knowing how my nights go, i'll be here way after close...

i was a pretty boring monday...there were a couple private dining parties, and a few other large parties scattered about..of course i was in a section where nothing was plotted...which meant i would be getting all the walk-ins...now, walk-ins aren't a bad thing, no no, they are good...businesses often plan on having walk-ins double their reservation count, and will staff accordingly...sometimes even despite the weather...walk-ins are a good thing because if you can flip your tables on a busy night, you'll more than likely get a chance at one of these non-reservation hoping for a chance fools..who inturn are so grateful that they got a table, will treat you, the server, pretty well at the end, typically.

the problem with tonight is, we have plenty of room and spaces for people...so the walk-ins will have no sense of gratitude or feelings of not getting what they want....now they will just walk in, get a table, and feel as if it is any ol casual dining experience where they can just get apps and sit there for a couple hours..another plight of the walk-in - most come in for drinks and dessert, or something lame like that..not only does that fuck with my cover count at the host stand, but it removes a table from my section for a good couple hours...you can see my sales start plummeting downwards along with my take home cash....this is how it's gonna be tonight..

i get one of the first tables of the night who go out to sit on the patio, it's a walk-in no less. it's a nice day out and i'm surprised to not see more people out on the patios along the street...where i work i have a restaurant across the street, and to my left i have three patios for a couple more restaurants - all of which are casual dining. at times i will stand on our patio and look out onto the other patios...my patio being completely desolate while the others don't have room to squeeze in any more people...i start to get a little upset, knowing i am not making money, starting to wish i was back in casual dining - oh the crazed ten table sections, running your ass off trying to do your best while you and all your tables know you are in the weeds...

but then i think of the money vs work ratio. in casual dining, like the OG, you know you will come in at 5, have tables all night long, run around getting refills on bread, pop, and other free shit..be finished by 10 or 11 and hope to walk with a bill...a lot of work with a nice reward....but where i work, that's not the case...there have only been a handful of instances at this current workplace where i have been in the weeds officially. granted i run around at a fast pace, i may duck and weave in and out of people..but that's just my nature, from driving to walking, i move fast - and others, well, others aren't fast enough.

at my current job i do hustle and bustle...but when i see the servers across the way with their eight table section running around like crazy and they look over and see me with my two tables i'll have all night..it's funny to know we will probably be making the same amount of money...and usually, i'll make more...when i start to think about that..how i'm doing less for more all on the credence i lose part of my personality and stand up straight at the tables, it's a small trade-off but the end of the night cashout doesn't lie.

i spiel my table on the patio, three businessmen all staring down into their menus, i stand at the point of the table which has me facing the patios to the left. most diners for whatever reason when you are talking or answering their questions will only make eye contact with you a few times, generally when they ask their question, then their eyes go straight back into the menu. i, like most servers, will pan their eyes off the table and stare off into the oblivion else-where..spieling for a server is second nature, we can do it in our sleep, and we probably have done it in our dreams. spieling for us is like breathing, we don't have to think about it, and so we can do that while we are doing other things...for me, removing my eyes off the table to scan what's going on around me is starting to become habit as well - i like to look at the other tables in my section, listen in on what the conversations may be, watch the cute girl walk by with her puppy, whatever..today though, i had a little server moment that was probably only worth something to me..

so while i was spieling the table i naturally went off into my own little world, i took my eyes off my table and lifted them upward, towards the patio right across from me...at that very moment a server on the opposite patio was facing me, spieling her table, and as she was spieling her head lifted off her table and she looked over at me. we continued on spieling our tables staring not at them, but straight across, memorized hand gestures flailing and all - to give the customer the illusion we are talking to them and we care..the mirrored image of the casual versus the fine, two sides of the same dynamic character, everybody needs to eat.

the night grows on....of course i get sat the last table at 10:30, on the patio, only there for coffee....AND to watch their son valet next door. Really? if i was this kid, i'd kick my parents ass...i remember these people from a couple nights ago, they did the same thing....came in right about closing time to sit and watch their son at work...look, i don't care when his shift ends, but mine is about to, how bout ya'll stop this nonsense, you're making not only yourselves, but your son, look like idiots.

i'm losing my cool at work..mainly i'm getting tired of the people i work with, for the most part. i'm tired of getting used and abused by everyone, from hosts to management - just because i am the nice guy at work who will practically do anything that is asked of me, doesn't mean to overuse those powers...tonight one of the veterans mouthed off to me...as much as she may have been in the right, she had half a valid point, she came to me with it the wrong way...and i, of course as of late, replied the wrong way...

long story short she tried scamming out of doing work as usual, tried to pawn it off on me, and after an exchange i told her, ahem, quote just get the fuck outta here, i don't fucking have time for you. leaving the kitchen to go and take care of someone else's work i passed by the manager, the same one from the night prior ironically enough, and said the same line i used the night prior, "hey, no talent clown is gonna come to you and say something, it's probably all true..i'll explain later"

i can only take so much of that place..i liked it when i was only working three nights a week there...but last week i worked 47 hours there...maybe that's what the problem is...but maybe this is all in my head as the two year expiration date is nearing as well..only time will tell...










"BOOM goes the dynamite!"

..Have Another Please?

the actual holiday..
..that just won't end...

wait, didn't i just have a long day yesterday?

my alarm is going off, i open my eyes and start grabbing at where i believe the noises are coming from..eventually my flailing is rewarded. i look at the clock and see that it's 8:35am, that means i slept through my first alarm and that was my backup, great. well it's a good thing i passed out in my clothes, more time to get ready i suppose. a good ol fashioned whore shower is all i have time for- that's where you don't actually shower, you just rub on some deodorant and spritz some cologne a couple of times and you are all set - grab my bag and i'm out the door...

it's sunday morning, the sun is shining brightly, and i'm heading back to work - it's a weekend and early enough for me to get a good parking spot today, which makes me a little happier with my disposition...ughhhh, back to work at 9am...not only did i agree to come in an hour and a half earlier, i also agreed to work the night shift tonight as well, what was i thinking last night, oh right...those illusive dollars signs...like titties on a girl..

i get to work just as the first wave of reservations start walking in the door - but it's not until an hour or later when i actually get my first table, then for what was i there so early...it was the start of how my entire day would go...

i worked in a section the was devoid of any parties, the only section mind you, with nothing larger than a three top sat in it...everybody was running around like John Wayne Bobbitt with his....you get the picture (early 90's slang anyone?) but as for me, it takes a lot to get me in the weeds...moving fast, not so much as that's just how i operate, but i was slow, had the lowest cover count, and just dicked around by making fun of everyone else..people get pissed when they are crazy busy and i walk past them casually with my phone in my hand updating my tweeter..

the rush comes to a lull, so the crew from lunch quickly puts the kitchen back in order - its amazing to see just how disheveled a kitchen can become during it's peak hours..the more war-torn the alley and kitchen become, the harder it is for servers to do their jobs..making only more of a mess...it's a wicked process that all comes down to, if you would have done it right the first time, it wouldn't be so bad now...

the doubles all get to take a break except me, i stay on, with the 'reward' of getting to take care of a ten top at 4. my 'break' consisted of me sitting down to do my checkout from lunch, while making calls to all four of my mothers, and watching my ten top get sat on camera...

from there on out my night was a bust....the first ten top racked up a bill close to 600, which may sound good to you, but i'm at a place where my average PPA is over a hundred....*whispers* that means based off of my sales i average over a hundred dollars a head, so this party basically took a shit on me..my five top turned into a three top, leaving me with a verbal tip and 9%...at this point i started pleading with the manager to send me home - i actually made the mention of getting rid of me somewhere around 2:30 when my day had already turned to shit, i had the hopes of salvaging it by calling it a night and enjoying the beautiful weather..not so much...

i swear the hosts were having a blast seating me..in the morning it was any walk-in that came off the street, no actual reservations for me...nothing but slacked jawed yokels...at the point i was blowing up i actually made the comment that i had had more foreigners and colored people in my section today than i've had in the past year, what's next, Asians?! the host hands me a ticket that lets me know i've just been sat, i go out to greet my new table, and the couple, well..they're Asian...

the manager knows i'm not having it - i'm not the only one though, most of the staff are all strung out from the shift earlier, many worked the night prior as well..something about this weekend killed everyone...i've worked 27 hour shifts, i've put in over 40 hours in three days, i've worked Halloweekends, but this weekend i tells ya...something must have been in the air..

the manager did his very best to throw me bones all night long, my cover count had to be something outrageous by the end of it all - i'm guessing like 40 - but my sales and entree count would reflect differently...people were not out to spend money in my section, not on the food nor the service..maybe they saw it in my face, maybe i was so weary i could no longer keep my 'server facade' up and it snowballed down, i don't know.

my favorite part of the night was right after i got 10% off the Asians and was told i was still on, i was at a terminal ringing in an order or something when this bitch of a hostess comes over, grabs my hand, pulls it back, as i am pecking away mind you, all to see what time it was. i, in what was later refereed to as a stone cold sober look, said,"do it again and i'll bitch slap you" then turned my head back to the terminal and started re-pecking...the only time i ever appear to be serious is when i'm pissed, go figure...just a few moments later i walked by the manager on duty and said, "oh yeah, the pregnant hostess is probably gonna come to you later about something and it's probably all true too" - she's known for her tattling on anyone for anything.

i couldn't have asked for a worse night, as if my tables weren't bad enough, the kitchen couldn't cook the food right if their lives depended on it...over cooks, under cooks, out right ignoring my message of 'NO ONIONS!'...i was about to go back there and make it myself, but no, not really. and even with all the comps, free desserts, and free wine people still couldn't open up their wallets..

it was at the end of the night, i was helping a busser clean up one of my tables as my last table were saying their goodbyes. he knew i had been having a rough night so he made the comment, "well, they seemed nice, maybe they made up for it" i laughed and said to him, "think of it like this, all is on the line with that last table..it's like it is the bottom of the ninth, bases are loaded, it's a full count...and i need a 10 run homerun in order to win...that's about where i am at" we get up from the one table and move to the recently departed table..."the wind up, here's the pitch...it's a swing" as i flip open the check presenter 'it's probably the most decent hit we've seen all night, but it's just not enough to pull this young team out of the hole this time Bob'

my real reward for the day is somehow i got by without doing sidework all day long, only having to make 1 rack of sets, and still managing to make rent all in one day..hell i've worked just as hard for a lot less...i was happy with the end results by checkout time, though i know it could have been greater, it was just the means to get there that was so troublesome....

i clock out, somehow i managed to get seven hours of overtime this week...then i remembered i also had to stay til 1:30 in the morning on tuesday..ughhh, this week has been killer, err, wrong wording...when i arrive home i immediately hop into the shower...the warm water feels like a comfy blanket..i take a seat in the tub and sigh, it's been a long day.










"i need a drink, a pair of titties, and humor....where do you fall in those categories"

Mother May I..

longest day of the year...
..felt like today

give me the strength to make it til tomorrow...

let me start this off with a nice positive note...Happy Mother's Day to all my future Baby Mommas out there...that out of the way, onto other matters, ughhhhhhhhhhh. as i tend to say, before i go into what happened on this sunday, i'll say it all started yesterday...and really i can say it started the day before that...or the day before that....there's always something prior that's for sure...

Saturday - my first day back to work from the trip to ohio..so the prior back stories are that even though i may not have worked thursday nor friday - my first days off since..weeks? - both days were chaotic and stressfull enough - and i am beginning to hate driving in a car for long points in time all of a sudden now.....to sum it all up...saturday was a really long day...i worked a double...it was decently nice out, yet the patio didn't have the pop like it has had the past couple of weeks...they called in two extra servers in 'fears of the rush' ultimately dropping everyone's cover count to about eight guests...and even though it sounds like we were standing around with our thumbs up our asses, we actually weren't....we were all keeping busy either on sidework, or random tasks the managers felt needed to be done. My favorite was when we, as in the 2 breakfast and 2 lunch servers, were given the inventory sheets and told to go at it...then about an hour or so later two other servers come strolling in to, uhh, save us...from the rush? obviously since we were doing more work on those sheets than with guests...

but despite having too many servers i never got a break and rolled right into my evening shift - though i kept my spirits throughout my entire night shift, even with what could have been a disastrous conversation, i am never serious, thus taking the more comedic side to it. i had just did my cash out from lunch and walked into the kitchen to start working on things for the dinner shift.

as i am reading the floor chart and sidework sheets a server walks up to view the items as well when all of a sudden the walrus goes off into this rant about a wristband i have on.."i didn't know you were a faggot, what's with the wristband faggot, did you just get off the court from shooting hoops, god that's gay, you move in with a homo and you turn into one?" i let the server continue with these insults and more, and just sit there..then i think by the look on my face the walrus realizes something is up, that or he just ran out of breath, and now it is my turn...i explain to him that my best friend had passed away this week, we all wore red to the funeral, and i've been wearing that wristband since his passing in memory of him. the walrus interrupts at a point and asks if i was kidding, i chuckle as i reply with "i wish i were joking, but sadly i'm not" the walrus makes a motion of hanging himself, apologizes, but tries to defend himself saying how was he supposed to know....i'm hardly ever serious so i let him know it's all ok, he did not have any way of knowing and i am not going to hold anything against him, it was humorous..and it reminded me i needed to pull my sleeve down a little further as it had worked it's way up on my arm during my first shift.

Even when a conversation got dark i still entertained myself all night with ideas for my next blog, the development of the character of "gary", and all the other random quotes from the night..it was enough to keep my mind occupied....i pooled with another server in one of the private rooms that were available for open seating...funny that my one table of 8 people spent more money than all of his other tables combined...good thing i worked the host stand to get that table in our room as opposed to some other server's section....but as the night started to wind down, so did my energy levels...it was midnight before i got to sit down for the first time all day...and that was when i went to the bathroom...that's right, i pissed sitting down i was that tired - i didn't care how emasculating it was...i needed to sit.

it was a former co-worker's birthday saturday night and she was celebrating it at the cigar bar downtown...lucky for me (or for the owners really) it is located just on the corner of the alley out from my restaurant...so i call my friend to meet me outside - this is twofold A) i don't want to go in and have 'one' drink and get suckered into staying all night long, especially after today, especially having to work tomorrow..and 2) indy still has yet to ban smoking in their bars, so i know that when i go home tonight i'm just gonna passout in the clothes i am wearing..and wreak of smoke...even if i just pop my head in for two seconds, it will attach itself to me like a ditsy blond onto a doctor...

we meet outside, talk for a bit, exchanging the latest news or gossip, talks of work, etc...she knows me to not be one of the people to have sand in my vagina when it comes to hanging out or doing things so she knows something must be up about why i can't stay for very long...then she says to me, "wow, you look tired..and i know you...you can go two days without sleep and still look a lot better than that..you do need to go" ughhh, i carry all my emotion in my face, even if it is all bottled up on the inside.

i depart and head back home, Gary greets me at the front door confused...i left work before him, yet got home after him..i remind him i am a better person than he is and made the effort to at least stop the bar to wish our friend a happy birthday...and even though i was one of few from work who did stop by, i still felt shitty for not staying out, but, that's just me and that's how i roll...no excuses, just live.

i kick off my shoes, which feel permanently attached to my feet, start to derobe, but i do not make it that far before i find myself in my bed, setting the alarm for tomorrow...even earlier time in...and in mid conversation, i fall asleep....










"there's two more hot chicks than wedding rings on that table"