I'm Slacking..

..apparently...
but whatever..

i do what i want.

It was brought to my attention that I have been "slacking" in my blog posts..with the turn of the new year turned yet another chapter in my life turning as well..i feel as a moderate break from posting is good..i always would get mad at myself for producing just random angsty crap with no real profound message or meaning..and i think forcing yourself to write everyday does just that. I should write when I feel passionate or wanting to tell a tale of..whatever it is i do...

on the other hand, one could argue that the every day writing is what keeps the author up to par...in a sense it's practice makes perfect...the posts you write everyday, regardless of the content, push your abilities as a...whatever you want to call it, an allows for those memorable posts to come later.

so there is my dilemma...to post or not to post...well, maybe i should get some posting in now before I go to Korea in February...

oh, wait...did i forget to tell you that....









"not that it matters..metallica was right..nothing really matters.."

It's Been a Minute..

Well, more than that
many minutes in fact..

and i don't know how many I got left in me...

I've been feeling...creative isn't the word i'm looking for...it's an ansty, irritable, cannot focus kind of feeling. I've toyed with the ideas for short clips, writings, quotes, etc - and while I've actually made some of those things, i haven't done much with them. The most you get from me is a 140 character update via my twitter..maybe a status on facebook for something that really needs to be said, or a nonsensical rant with a picture explaining nothing from my dailybooth. As i did all three of those things today, the shorter only manifesting into the larger i realized...that i just needed to fucking sit down and write it out, old school style.

I've been watching Netflix religiously, mainly TV series because of their length...rather, their shortness. I feel a pick-me-up, break, or food feast is equivilant of the time it would take to watch one episode. So far i made it through six seasons of The Office, the first of Archer, and my most recent (and reason why I am writing this) Californication.

I stumbled across this show awhile back, but never made my move on it - it was on showtime and who the hell watches showtime, i thought all the good series shows were on HBO. Anyways, all that is available on demand is the first season, and that's all i watch - this mailing discs back shit is for the birds. Let me just add in, i love my netflix, and I only got it because its an iphone app..so i watch on my iphone, my lappy, and off of my PS3..life is grand

I continue, Californication is a show....that I'm not going to bother you with the synopsis of, long story short, it has made me want to start writing again. And as much as i know that i'm not talented enough to be published other for than that button in the bottom left hand corner, i enjoy it. While most of it is rubbish, i can always look back on my previous posts and claim brilliance. I know I'm not the next great american novelist, i've come to terms with that rather easily, and though my fan base is small in numbers, they care, which makes me care.

That being said I've neglected the people most important to me for far too long. I need to give to them what they want, what they need. This. Me hunting and pecking away at 4am on some random Wedne-Thursday morning. Typing away because i can't sleep. typing away because i think this will help. Typing away because i think someone gives a shit. Typing away like it matters. Typing away as if I am a sole survior in the universe, yet that universe relies on me.

We reap what we sow, we also write what we know...and the latter is what scares me most.










"Well, I don't know, but I've been told
You never slow down, you never grow old
I'm tired of screwin' up, tired of going down
Tired of myself, tired of this town

Oh, my my, oh, hell yes
Honey, put on that party dress
Buy me a drink, sing me a song
Take me as I come 'cause I can't stay long"

Alright, Still

enough's enough
is enough...

if you really want something done, you'll do it.

apparently it has been one month since i last updated...it's funny but in a sad way what happens when i wanna blog...when i have things to blog about i'm too busy to blog about them..and when nothing is going on i don't want to dump (even more than normal) crap out onto my pages...but thanks to my avid readers keeping up on me, and my guilty promises i am back once again to write another day.

when i miss a day that i feel everyone should hear about, i put everything on pause until i write that blog, which in most cases is never...and while doing so i neglect any future posts that may be as equally entertaining..all because i am behind....

it's like the boyfriend/husband who is coming home late because he was hanging out with his buddies, but before he walks in the door to find his angry wife, he walks around the block, trying to think of a legitimate excuse for his tardiness, all the while becoming more and more late in the process....it's a viscous cycle and i get sucked in the whirlpool of it right down the drain...

and for the past month of not writing i've been thinking of more posts, more things to write about, that just slip away...great stories, better quotes...all forgotten..just like everything else in life.

so i made a promise, a pinkie promise at that, that i would update by tonight..and if you know me, a pinkie promise is everything...funny how things i learned on the playground still apply today..so, as promised, here it is....hope you're enjoying...

nike had it right with their slogan, "just do it" - nothing could be further from the truth...if you want something accomplished, then do it..actions speak louder than words (funny, yes, i'm blogging words..but it's the act of the blogging..blogging the words...?) i've sat here and thought to myself, and said to myself that i need to blog..just like i need to workout..or do a dozen other things on my daily to-do list i have...but it's just me speaking the words, it's just me that the actions will help out..it's just me who gets yelled at...it's just me doing the yelling, if any...

so next time you ever have something to do..my advice...less talk, more work...just as prayer is useless to getting things accomplished, so is talking about it...

so here it is, a fresh start one month later..how did i get back from ElEh..what's this about a dog..who's this new love...what is the approximate dimensions of a jail cell....all these questions and more will be revealed at a much later date..till then stayed tuned ;-)










"it's only 6pm...i'm only three hours into my day! give me a minute..."

Here we Go, Again

ok..
..GO

this post was originally set to choreography on treadmills but has been modified for your approval

alright, after several messages via text and fbchat, i need to get back into this...and here i thought i was on summer vacation, guess not...i'll write again dammit, if it's the last thing i do..just had to...clear up some things?

i just finished a blog post that was typed up and sat in limbo for, well, almost a month it seems...and it kinda just ends, so i apologize for that..i don't remember the direction it was going, but i picked up just like spielberg picked up on A.I. and made the ending as shitty as possible.. i also write the iphone blog and posted that which was the day and was in my mind to be wrote since that date....now as for anything in between....well, i'll maybe write one more post, maybe two, just thrown in there to get us up to speed...but if you don't see them in the next couple of days, you can stop looking for them, as we will be progressing forward

i don't work til 530 today, and instead of going to the gym, or laying out by the pool, i have forced myself to stay in and write something for my restless public, yes once a martyr always a martyr, lol.

i just got back from my chicago fourth of july trip, photography classes are now over, and in three days i'll be in LA..there, caught up enough? ok ok, lot of explaining to do i know...and yes a lot has happened...and yes i've been wanting to blog during this dead time, but i got too afraid of what certain people may read, or read into...and i had to pocket veto my real thoughts and opinions, thus sacrificing the every day blogging i was trying to achieve....

now i'm not one to not post publicly, but there does come a time when i'll go old school and open up one of my paper journals to write in....this time, it didn't happen..i don't know why, it should have, but i just let it go...so another chapter of my life i failed to detail...but let's get back onto topic.

oh, it's tuesday, which means michael jackson's ceremony is eating up every bit of media for the day, cool..way to launch a blog comeback..overshadowed again...but that's all for now...i'm hungry and the way of the sub is calling...stay tuned for more lackluster updates :-D











"he's just a pop singer, not the second-coming..."

OverLoaded

overwhelmed..
but it's just right..

because if it's not all right at first, fuck it

And to think, when i started getting back into blogging at the beginning of this week, i originally had to 'pace' myself because i was a day ahead of my blogs...now, well, i'm like the bulls struggling to come back from behind...

so after all my visitors have come and gone it's time to get things right on my end..so, naturally i take on too many large tasks at one time...so with the induction of so many different things into my life, it's only fair to say it's causing a strain on me.

i want to keep writing, i would really like to write something every day - i get a kick out of looking at my blogger homepage and seeing all my posts, with all the dates they were posted next to it in a numerical succession...i know i've said before to others, if you want to write, then f'ing do it, so i really don't have an excuse..but sometimes i avoid writing because i know how long it actually takes to fully make a blog posting.. granted ideally i try to write a blog in one sitting, no interruptions, and definitely on reading back on what i wrote..it's hard when i'm sitting on the computer...people will only IM, or facebook chat me when i'm writing (and ughhhh, facebook chat is the worst - only because i am then locked into that tabbed page in my browser, not allowing me to go anywhere else..)

something else i tried to get back into this week was going to the gym...it's been since my sickness back in the middle of march since i was dedicated about going. since march up until last week i probably saw the inside of a gym for a count less than double digits - and it shows.

i'm an all or nothing type of person, i'll either do something fully right, or not do it at all...doing something half-assed or temporarily is a waste in my opinion. like there was a time i wanted a display shelf for my salt shaker collection, i had this grand layout of what i wanted. then someone suggested to me to make up something not as grandiose in the meantime to hold the shakers - i scoffed at the idea, why would i waste money, time, and effort of something that wasn't up to my standards, something i didn't really want, something that was just going to get replaced..

same goes for actions in my life, such as the gym...sure there have been days i probably could have made it into the gym, but that was only a couple times a week..the other days were chockabok full, so any weight training would render useless .... you see where i'm going with this...

so i like starting clean slate, cold turkey, big/powerful movements..and in the process of doing so, i can take off a little more than i can chew...starting blogging, and working out, and other things all on the same week, the same day, it can get a little hectic...i naturally take on more than i should, but i am able to handle it just as well...

like the other day it was lunch, and my manager asked me to pick up a table because the server it was assigned to couldn't get to it....picking up that table would make it my sixth table, mind you i have a VIP all the way in the back dining room too..so long story short, i pick up a sixth table no where near my section, because the other server couldn't handle his third...

did i stress..well, i never really stress or am in the weeds at work..i just have to work a little faster or manage my time a little more wisely...as it is changeable during your shift on the floor...

so yeah, just wanted to give y'all a little heads up on what's been going on...that's all i got, i'm busy, lol










"i have more tables than anyone else....any everyone is running around like retards at a fun house"

It's My Business

..to give you the business...
it's not your business...

i think we are going out of business.....

i have a problem with the way i end my posts....it's either way too abrupt, or just continues without a real definitive ending, until i abruptly stop it..i guess i should pay more attention on how authors end their chapters, or look back to how i ended some of the posts i liked the most...either way, i'll come to a conclusion that i am just no good at ending things....

but let's move on....the other day i actually had a moment of inspiration that i am starting to work on...i was in the shower no less - it's funny to me that the shower is my little moment of zen..it's a time of privacy, in an enclosed small space all to yourself, water falling, like a baptismal cleansing not only your body, but your mind.. - wow, random of trackness..ok, where was i.....oh right, shower....so i was in the showering, don't ask me specifically what i was doing i don't remember, and i start thinking about a girl i saw earlier..

it was earlier that monday and i was joining some friends for lunch at a local eatery downtown - god i love local fare. so as we all were enjoying our creole cuisine a young lady and guy sit down at the open table next to us, well, it wasn't right next to us it was two tables over, whatever. the restaurant was small, with weird angles, making it hard to people watch - again something i love - but the couple stood out amongst the other hipsters (she was cute, he fit in), but it was more than that, they weren't eating..in fact they were filling out applications.

it got me thinking, well one should she get hired my body (and anybody within a mile radius of me) would end up hating me, as i would be there every day....and they would be fools not to hire her..but the other is what we are going for....obviously she is in need of money or something to do..and as you have gathered from my desire of tearing up my innards just just to catch a glimpse of her she must have some killer looks....put this together with my re-found passion of photography, therefore lack of a portfolio and you got yourself a killer scheme...

so my plan, in a nutshell would have been to approach said hottie, address her needs for money, and exploit that by paying her to be my model for some shoots....god, when put like that it sounds like an average episode of bangbus or something (she's probably not a slut though, let's hope, i don't have time for sluts..) but it got me thinking....i can't approach this chick out of the blue, tell her she looks cute and expect to exchange information with her...not without some credentials....

and just what might those credentials be...business cards, lol. i know, who would have thought something as simple as a piece of paper could have so much meaning or power, well, not the graduates i know...

so yeah...all this has got me in the process of designing my very own business cards and thinking about working on my website - which the latter is an actual plan from,oh i don't know, 2006? who knows, this may actually amount to something...and if it doesn't, i'll have another stack of business cards i can haphazardly hand out to people....and yes, this all stemmed from thinking about a girl in the shower, lol!










"business cards, it's the perfect way to pick up girls, it's so legit they can't say no!"

I Lost My Number, Can I Have Yours?

nice shoes..
wanna fuck?

and all of those other mind-numbing pickup lines people use....

so as my story begins i was working a tuesday lunch shift, only scheduled said shift - which is odd, normally the only single shifts given are at night, you either double breakfast lunch, lunch dinner, or single dinner...that's just how it goes....so Mr B Hewey cuts the floor at 1, normal, and goes around telling everyone we are down to the bartender and beth, this is what i was waiting for...

now you see - backstory - beth has made a deal with management (mainly because she wasn't making any money doing doubles..and she's not a good server) that she would be the person to work lunch, monday through friday, close it down, and that would be her only shift..she is the exception to the rules i stated before hand...

now here we go, we are both only scheduled lunch..so who closes? Hewey firmly believes he scheduled me on the night and after a quick look he apologizes, and changes it so that i close...well, that proved to do no good...after the cuts were made we had zero walk ins...wow..

so i'm sitting in one of the private rooms eating the family with a couple other people, shooting the shit when in walks soapy..she comes up to me and says, here, i got something for you to do tonight (first thought was motorboating those titties..but proved not to be right) she hands me two tickets to the pacers game with the admission pass to the court-floor restaurant which has windows in which you can watch the players practice in the gym..

apparently Hewey felt bad, or so the story goes, and handed the tickets off to me....whether i believe it or not looking back, i certainly did at the time because it was probably one of the nicest gestures someone has done for me in awhile (that and cooking and cleaning my room right before they fucked me...) but back to the real story....

so i take my roommate gary to the game with me, i figured if i didn't i would just hear him crying all night long as i tried to sleep..so i'm really doing it for myself, and i look like the good person in the end....we get there before the game starts and head to that restaurant...now, i've never been in Conseco fieldhouse, or on the court of any basketball arena so it was pretty cool...us, looking oh so special waving our special passes in the air like we were some sort of bigshots...us being let by the security guards as others were held back with outstretched green arms...ahhhh, if only to be famous for real...

so we get sat, order a couple of beers and look over the menu. the server returns and we ask him (him, the only guy server in there and we get a he....ughhhh) what he prefers from the choices we narrowed down..Gary gets the double dribble (two chili dogs) and i ask about the BBQ Pork sandwich to which he replies is good, in fact the family that makes the BBQ sauce daughter is right there - pointing to my left where i spy a cute little framed chick bent over at a table delivering food..i say, ehh, she's cute enough, i'll just go with that...

i never really got a good read on her face, but i was just making conversation, after the server left i asked gary if she was even cute at all - you always got to get validation from your wingmen - apparently she was doable, whatever that means to him...

gary goes off to break the seal and i wait patiently beer in hand when i notice that same girl coming towards me....i try not to make eye contact but she comes right up to me, right to my table...and brings me my appetizer - whoops, forgot i ordered that..i didn't even notice she had food in her hand..i'm such a tard....

so we get to talking, i ask her if she's really the daughter of the sauce makers, then i tell her the cute anecdote about why i ordered it..she's there for a bit when i notice gary returning from the restroom and he pauses in his tracks, he can't beleive his eyes...he comes and sits, which is exactly what i had been wanting this entire time..i don't want to appear as the creepy guy eating alone..i need to heighten my value to this girl, and my wing is just that..

she leaves, we eat the app and then our food arrives, all very quickly...moments later the girl, we will call her lacy, returns to see if i like the sandwich...its alright, but i get through with some witty remark...she makes a rolling stones song reference, to which i finish the line, and then gives me a thumbs up as she walks away..i've got time for this bitch...

we are finishing our meals, about to finish our beers when we i ask our server if he had the website lacy was supposed to give us for the bbq sauce...he said no but he would go and get her..just a few moments later she came back...

we talk, and we talk...we've missed the tip off and most of the first quarter, but conversation is good...she's witty, throwing comments at gary, and my favorite part of all this is, she did the boyfriend drop mid conversation... now, i find that to be my favorite part of any conversation...i giggle on the inside so much, it probably reverberates to make me actually giggle on the outside as soon as i hear it..i like how casually girls will just 'toss' in a comment about their boyfriend like it's nothing, like it's such a common occurrence, like the word 'the' or 'a'...but only deploy it at a critical part in the conversation....it's really an art these girls have...

i feel cheated at this point and start to trail out of the conversation, showing a disinterest - not because she has a boyfriend, but the way it was thrown out there, so cheaply...you think you're gonna get away with using the grade school lines with me..do you know who the fuck i am?!@ i play it cool for the most part, not trying to come off as some asshole who just wants to fuck - because in reality i am not, i just like socializing but whatever - i think i even made a comment prior to this bomb that i like meeting new people, trying to find the right ones who can keep up with me....

the conversation gets out of my control and gary is talking about partying...i know i've lost this girl now, gary is talking, and frankly, he works best as the escape goat wingman, making me look good...until he opens his mouth and makes everyone look bad...so i jump back into conversation, trying not to scare off this girl and like a pilot i a crashing plane, somehow managed to pull back on the wheel to get this conversation flying again....

we are both about to depart and lacy makes a comment about how we should hang out and party sometime...but she didn't know how to get ahold of us..now it was more sly than that, but that was what her intentions were..so i pulled out my phone and said, go crazy..she acted all uncertain, saying i may get fired, i highly doubt that bitch, just put your number in my phone...oh that's right, i don't give out my number, bitches give me their number - talk about game....

so i call it to make sure it's saved and we depart..we walk back up to row 15 behind the basket and watch the game...later lacy would text me because she missed a call from this/my number and wondered who it was...coooool

now my real point to this story is, duhduhduhdaaaaaa - where the fuck does a girl with a boyfriend get off giving out her number to two random guys?! i tell you what, if one of my bitches ever gave out her number to some fucking dudes who 'wanted to hang out' i'd slap her in the face....

unless i have networking abilities, job potential, or something beneficial to you like that, why the fuck are you giving me your number? guys and girls just don't hang out...oh shit, that's a whole different topic of conversation...let's stay on track with this one here....sure i like to meet people, but 90% of guys are not like me...they are much, much worse (if you can possibly imagine) so now my question is to you...would you ever do that...unless you wanted to fuck...right?











"wow, you're amazing..did you invent the internet?! - No, i just perfected it.."