Same Number...
Different House?

so the house has taken on a different role in the past weeks...but it's weird...

I'm not sure if I like it..or not....

alright, so there are less people home, I'll give it that, so there's not a lot of commotion always going on..which is a good thing

I sleep in as to avoid anybody possible..or leave to go do random things, like walk the mall...and then I'm off to work....

I get home and instantly there's this weird vibe in the air....no words are said, just a noise of ackowledgment....they probably know better than to say "hi", I'd lash out like a cat....

but yeah, back to the vibe.....as I get home my mood instantly changes...I pull into the drive, which is a daunting task...everyday the plowers come by...and everyday more snow builds up at the end of the drive...a good half of the street isn't plowed, rather you see these mounds of where people tried to dig their cars out..so after getting my car stuck on one of the ridges, I shovel my way out and make it to the sidewalk, and as I get to the steps I've got to hover over the patches of ice that make up our side of the walk and steps...I don't know how I haven't cracked my head open yet....

so then I make in...crushed by the fact I'm only two people away from having the house to myself...I go in, walk past everyone and go about as if I were the only one there...start undressing, grab something to eat..just go about the normal routines....

I eat in the kitchen away from site of everyone else...in the few seconds that I made my way in the door and into the kitchen I noticed every little detail..I don't want to be seen because I'm cursing aloud to myself while I stand and force food into my mouth only to muddle the outrage....standards rants go as follows...

"fucking fuck fucks...why the fuck can't they fucking put the fucking salt back where they fucking got it from..how fucking hard is that..how many fucking times do I fucking got to put it the fuck back...our fucking salt doesn't belong on the fucking table....every fucking day that fucking piece of salt shaker magically makes it's fucking way to that fucking table...what the fuck is over there it lies so fucking much....is it fucking racist...can it not fucking stand to be next to the fucking black pepper shaker...honestly, what the fuck....."

just a sample, but you get the point....

and every time lately, as I rant in my head, all I can picture and replay back is Jessica saying to everyone in the room and directing it at me, "you're a bad man, a very bad man..you're just....mean!" as she cried over something I just said...

and you know what, I can't help but feel joy from that statement....yes, I am a very bad person...but I have cause. and because I have this reason, I honestly have the right to, in so many words.....

I just think "most" people aren't used to others, or anyone for that matter, telling it like it is...if you do something wrong, I'm gonna let you know..first it will be as nice as I possible can make it, even though I'm strongly pissed, I'll let it slide....but it is all these countless times, again and again, of people doing the same stupid shit...I'm going to let loose before it's too late...instill the punishment early before your child gets out of hand...

and that's what I feel I am doing sometimes..I feel as if I am their parents...trying to correct them from bad habits and manners...

"ohh, I see you felt the need to move my shit off of my credenza, where I left it, and decided that your shit could stay right the fuck there"

another "in-the-head rant"..but yeah..I'm not perfect by any means I'll say that right now....but I make it a point to pick up after myself and not leave things just "lying" around...if something is "out of place" and I put it there...there is a good fucking reason....

sometimes I feel as if some people don't understand they are living with others...they would probably be best suited to live on their own..live in their own crummy, dirty, and disorganized place.....

people just need to have common sense, not what is going on here with people leaving their shoes everywhere, glasses everywhere (and multiple ones at that), medicine cabinet full of crap, putting the smallest things on the largest shelf in the fridge, not putting things back where they got them from, and just general crap lying around...

people, you have to remember there are literally six other people here...you can't do "normal" things, everybody has to make sacrifices...

if only a couple people lived here, shoes by the door would be acceptable...but we can't do or have that, the place would fall apart....you know what, I'd like to put my towels in the built in linen cabinet in the bathroom instead of having to remember to walk down two flights of stairs to get a replacement...but I can't do that because EVERYBODY can't do that. and I personally am not a fan of favoritism, allowing for one person to have such "special" privileges"...

like I said, in a normal house things could fly...but not here...so shape up otherwise I'm going to have to figure out ways to punish people....for some reason I want to say money..but yeah, charge a fine every time you do something wrong...first offences fly, second no no...third = double....sound good? oh, and you still get bitched at of course...

and then there are times when people expect cookies for cleaning up said places, like the kitchen or bathroom..they wants Kudos for going "above and beyond"..well it is a halfassed job if I do say so, and it was your shit that made the mess...so you were supposed to clean it up....

I wiped down the counters and everything in the kitchen...I don't want a medal for it...I did it for myself, nobody else...nobody was around..I just wanted to know that I could have a clean place while I was by myself. the only thing I ask in the meantime is to keep it that way, "leave it as you first saw it" sort of ideal...I was going to post a note saying, "Don't use the Kitchen under penalty of Death", but I thought that was a little rough...but I made my voice heard and told them to keep it as neat as possible, I cleaned it for myself to have clean while everyone was gone..and since you're leaving in 2 days for another said amount of days, keep it clean..I do not want to have to clean it again....

but you know, really...if you make something, a sandwich, a pizza, ramen..clean up the mess, the little "insignificant" crumbs, the rings of whatever fluid you poured into your cups...I mean this should be standard practice...but then again, I may be asking too much from people....

and as for the mood....I kinda like it because nobody bothers me..I can and do do my own thing...no conversation....just me to myself....but because of that situation, there is that tension, that feeling in the air of ,"not-rightness", and that I do not like....

so there you go..this didn't start out red, but as you can see has very much been produced as it....