I'm Ga-Ga...
I'm fucking ga-ga...

ughhhh, yeah yeah, I'm not ready to hear it from anybody just yet.....

so yeah, apparently I've become ga-ga over the past 48 hours...which in itself is quite the huge step..I blame it on the comfort of this empty house....I came to the conclusion that I like seclusion..the Christmas was splendid all because there wasn't anybody around...which is what I'm used to, and is definitely a nice change from the chaos that ensues when there are 6 other people here

now I'm not saying being alone wouldn't get boring..because I think it might? I can't tell because I'm there...I remember enjoying my stay everywhere else I was to myself..I think I just need a corner where nobody traverses by and I'll be set...

but here's the best thing...I was pacing the other day..I've picked this trait up again..which makes me happy....all I need is a 25 foot run, semi-straight, and I'm set...I have the company of me and my thoughts...so because I started pacing again, I was talking to myself, incredible...different voices came out, it wasn't really the same, it was more complex, but slower than what I remember...maybe I just need to break it in again...

well whatever it is, I wouldn't mind doing it some more..I actually miss it...I think my blog would take a toll though...expressing all my thoughts and emotions aloud..so we'll see what happens...I mean people come back today, leave again in a few days...so we'll just see....I need a good stretch...like I had in my room in the basement...or the door to the kitchen here...

I know this all seems too random for some of you, but bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this...

you see..I'm picking up all my old traits again...a few days alone and BAM I'm back to the way I should be? good ol reclusive Jason....but yeah, pacing - to clear my mind...talking to myself - to organize my mind...and ga-ga - to complicate my mind....

when I realized what I was doing the other night, the walking and talking...I stopped for a second and just yelled, "YES, I fucking missed you Jason...welcome back!"

so yeah...what's it like being ga-ga....well I haven't been this way since.... ..... .....I danced with Karen Ausdemore? well no, that was just a slight twitch of ga-ga...I know there had to be some random person...maybe not to the extent..that I can remember.....hell, this ga-ganess has completely warped my memory....

I hate being in ga-ga mode, it's incredibly hard to hide from everyone...busting out into laughter randomly, smiling really hard, showing all teeth...making stupid little noises, lost train of thought..forgetfulness, clumsiness, stuttering...incoherent rambling....but then I ask, what's different? I guess it's all at once..and much more apparent to those around me, no matter how I try to control it....

now I know why we are always scheduled opposite of each other...so that I'm not a complete doofus when I work...they want to keep me as one of the best bussers....which makes trying to get together literally impossible...

but what can I say...I'm off to work again, just a short break...but yeah, I get to go back to her and become an idiot

*she touched my shoulder*

sighs and rolls eyes...I hope becoming myself is a good thing...old habits are hard to break