Twitt This

i
hate

you know what really grinds my gears?

there's this application called "Twitter"..some of you may be familiar with it, i know i am blue35tuesday - but for those of you who do not know...what twitter is, essentially, is a quick blog. a short blog for the fast paced world...see, nobody now-a-days has the time to sit through the countless blogs tabbed on their bookmarks and read the endless dribble...what you need is a cliff notes version into people's lives, enter Twitter..

With Twitter you can make a post, follow friends or whomever, make replies to their posts, and send messages directly to people as well...now these posts are called "Twitts" and here is my problem...for some reason people have got on this 'kick' to call the posts "Tweets"....listen people..it's not called "Tweeter" it's called Twitter.....just like a program called "Blogger" allows you to make "Blogs" and not...'blarts'..you see my point..i fucking hate you all...

this post is dedicated to jillhanner..and thanks to her little shout out in her youtube blog.....

"it's fucking twitter!"

Too Cold

temps go down
anger goes up

and i do not have time for this....

ughhh, i hate the cold - i've said it before, i'll say it some more...the older i get the less tolerable the cold is - and a lot of people will scoff because i'm only in my twenties...well, you know the plethora of saying's, "Life is too short to deal with winter or drink cheap beer"

i hate the winter for a number of reasons, mainly, the cold...the cold affects every facet of my life and anything that makes me change my life i am not a fan of. Now i am a fan of layers and long sleeves, pants, etc - hell, when i was in hawai'i the only thing that made me not seem like a tourist was the fact i wore a jacket and pants when i went out in the 70 degree weather..just like the natives.. But what i hate is wearing too many layers, obtrusive layers, gloves that make everyday functions more difficult...bundling up..fuck all that..

and what i don't like is how simple functions or activities cannot be done...a simple task of taking the trash to the dumpster or getting the mail now takes too much effort, what with the getting 6 layers of clothes on when all you wanna do is lay around on the couch all day in your boxers...the thought of doing all that makes me not even do it...i wanted to put the xmas decorations back into storage that's connected to our patio, but it's taken me til now to do it because i never wanted to get bundled up for such a small project...

i'm sure the studies will show places where the temps drop to below freezing vs places that do not, you will see a significant difference in the rates of depression, and even suicide. now i've always said i would never want to move to california or florida or anywhere warm like that, that doesn't have the seasonal change i am used to - all in all because it would mess with my head to be celebrating xmas and have there be no snow on the ground...but you know what...fuck all that...

this is just a rant about how i hate the cold..i know most of you will just use the line, if you don't like it, then change it...well...it's in the works, so fuck all you

"If i can't put my top down on my convertible all year, i'm not living here"

Coooooool

a
lot

alright...so it's the new year and i've shat on all my resolutions it seems....

i need to get back in the habit of doing this.....like for reals....i know i keep saying that, but my intentions are good..i suppose. now that there isn't much going on in my life, i should have all the time in the world to do something...but that's the funny little thing about life..when i was working two jobs i would have killed to have more time off to do things...then i had one job and did less things..and now i have a job i work two days a week and do nothing but sleep, grab my tits and stare at my ass all day...i don't have the motivation for things that i could care less about...or wait, things that are trivial, or...things that...i don't know

so let's start blogging again - despite those who may stand in my way - and let's do more...i started hitting the gym on a regular basis before the year ended...but now it's sporadic and inconsistent...i need to start doing that again...you know i was told, or overheard, or something one time that said, "it's funny how you stop doing all those little things you used to do for yourself once you get someone else in your life" now i'm not blaming cpydi's visit for my gym attendance going down, but it's true, when you start adding more variables into the equation, something's gotta give...

i wanted to "be nicer" this year - get your laughs in now...you know that shit didn't last long at all...the problem i have is that people be stupid...i have no tolerance for people because i know what they are capable of. i expect top notch performances out of them everytime, sure people fail and make mistakes, that's what makes us human, but it's the ignorance that really gets under my skin. when people do shit that pisses me off, i think i take it to heart, and my way of dealing with it is letting them know how pissed i am, i don't come off nicely...

for example...my douchetool of a roommate gary is responsible for the trash...let me go on record right now and say he's the one who gave himself this responsibility, i continue. now when the trash gets full...it sits..and gets fuller, as in overflowing...then eventually the bag gets removed and placed next to the garbage can...but no bag replaces the old one....so then trash gets thrown into the can, and all around the old bag...*(side note, on two occasions we have actually taken all the trash and piled it up around his bedroom door so he could get the hint to take it out)* i see no reason for the lack of action and naturally i get pissed...he defends himself saying, he'd take care of it when he got back from *insert random place like gym or work or eating* so my offense goes on and start making shity comments...my counter-defense is that taking care of the trash is a chore NOT to be completed when it is convenient for you, but rather when it is needed. it's not like cleaning out your room which only effects you, this is something that ripples down to everyone...you couldn't just stroll into your 4pm shift at 515 because you were out doing other things..no, work is a chore, taking out the trash is a chore and you will jump when they give out the orders....what an asshole...

but then, here i am, i'm the asshole because i just called someone out on something, called then an asshole, made them look like a doofus..i guess i have no tact for confrontation when things get in my opinion, retarded.

i don't know where my high standards for others came, i hold high standards for myself, i know what people are capable of, i know what people should do, or at least what i think i know what people should do..greater good and all that shit, and i just hate it when people can't excel to that level...

i try to make people better themselves all the time as well....even though in the end i realize i just bring out the worst in everyone. if i see someone has a sincere desire or passion to do something, i turn into little motivator larry (ok, i just made that up, i don't know what i am talking about with that name...) i think it stems from the fact i have no passion, i don't know what i want, so i live vicariously through other people...wanting them to reach their goals with a little help from me, giving me a sense of accomplishment...

like the chick on the cruiseship who envied me for writing everyday, i kicked her in the ass and got her going..that's all people really need, a little bit of a motivational kickstart and they are on their way....it's like in physics, sure you may only need x amount of force to keep an object moving consistently, but that initial push is greater than the minimal continuing force..all because of the coefficient to static force....wait, when was i last in physics...

i helped a girl a week ago, i think...she doesn't have a driver's license and has never really driven a car. when she has, it's always been just practicing with someone who doesn't have the time..well, i've been told i have the patience of Job, or a saint, or something meaningful like that...of course, the way i help it's always impromptu...the person then feels on the spot..but i feel that this is best for the lesson...if that person can really trust you, then there should be no problem with the teaching..i have the patience, just listen to me...once the person tries to give up or says they can't, i lose my patience and become a bit more aggressive..like when i told her to park in the handicapped spot and she said no and tried to exit the car - with a lean over onto the brake pedal i put it back into drive...she parked the car in the end....

i guess if it's one thing i can do, it's make people feel comfortable around me - feeling comfortable gives way to a sense of trust whether false or real it's apparent none-the-less...i've always heard the best pictures come from when a client feels comfortable with the photographer..that's partially why i thought i would always do well in that field..

i guess that's why people fall in love with me so fast too...feelings of comfort...feelings of trust...the close intimacy...

well, my mind sucks right now so i'm taking a sleeping pill to clear the conscious....

1 - If you were to die today, would your life be complete?
2 - well, yeah, I mean, I’d be dead, I couldn’t do much after that...

It's a New Year

new beginnings..
not really..

yay...a new year, a time for new...things?

so i brought in the new year a lot better than i brought in '08...granted it was not completely how i wanted it to be, but, a step up is still a step up, and that's all we need right, baby steps? i was with friends, i wasn't at work, i drank champagne, i had balloons fall on me, i kissed a girl at midnight, all things good, just one element missing really. speaking of kissing a girl...i think..i think that this was the first ever new years i've rung in by kissing a girl, a legitimate kiss and a legitimate girl

looking back i can recall countless times of me and a girlfriend supposed to be spending the end of the year together, but for whatever reason, through whatever arrangements, it's never worked out...'01 through '04 the bitch of an ex always started a fight with me and would purposefully not be with me on that time..this would later come to bite her in the ass in '06 when she tried to come down to btown and 'redeem' herself for years prior...i blew her off, it was unannounced and we hadn't spoke in a long time..it was just weird...that's not how a romance story begins...

ughh, sorry, off topic...last year i rang in the new year with douche tools in a restaurant bearing my own name, away from all forms of family or friends or lovers...i vowed to never work on NYE again, i'd take the hit to my bank account on that one and call it a night...i need to have some sort of normal life..

my new years day really consisted of nothing...i watched football games, felt bad to be apart of the big 10, built a gingerbread house, and just enjoyed the days off...i toyed with new years resolutions and sayings...what's popular seems to be "Fine in '09" - honestly i don't know what that means, i'm content with '09 as long as it is better than the year prior....a resolution i'm gonna try is, "being nice in '09" - we will see how long that lasts...especially after i already made a girl cry because i "put her on the spot" - whatever...i just try to help people, and its usually an awkward situation...maybe i'll stop being a better person in hopes to be nice...what a twist...

"Hoooouse"

Peace, I'm Outta Here

screw you '08
and whatnot

out wit the old, in with the new, auld lang syne, and all that same ol shit people say

so the year is officially coming to a close..."something great in '08"...i remember saying that...i don't remember that actually happening..i suppose a lot happened..but then again a lot can happen in a day, a week, a month..a lifetime...it's all a point of relevance really...

sooo, let's recap the year to the best of my ability....

started bringing in the new year at work, in the hole, sans girlfriend, sans best friend, only surrounded by coworkers, holding a phone, almost in tears because it was probably the worst way to ring in the new year to date...i vowed to never having to work new years at midnight again...there was a break, then a trip to florida where i found out disney world is the happiest place on earth..when you're drunk...

my first time ever being there thanks to faulty promises made by my mother...so i went with my boyfriend...ears and bears, medieval times gave me soup, i watched a dog get beat for no reason, and i made us look like tourists as we drove with the top down in 60 degree weather...but sadly we had to return to reality which settled in as we stepped off the plane into the cleveland airport where the snow and twenty degree weather blew over my sandals...i tried to secure my stay in ohio, for the greater good..but that deal went south, err west, err, i went west...back to indy..

through convenience the west and i got back together...i made the transition to food runner at my job and found a place to officially live...i continued to work two jobs and travel back and forth to the hole...at one point i was traveling the 70 mile trip without brakes on my car...my birthday came and i worked a double, but in the end all was well...the girl i was dating went back to CP for the summer, which opened up a can of worms..

i quit my job in the hole as they needed me less...jade came over to spend a day with me and even though it started out well, by the end of it we were telling each other to fuck off and die...july fourth spent in chicago - not a really fun time, but i tried to make the most of it..later in the month came a trip to CP which panned out nicely, even made a stop over in the rowdy to visit TJ...

i finally became a server after the race in indy and TJ came out to indy...we looked like idiots trying to get scalped tickets for the Dark Knight release...bad planning as always led to us watching the movie in a regular theater and not IMAX. i began biking to work, but it lasted only a month up until my bike got stolen from work..on a shift i wasn't even supposed to be at technically.

i made a trip out to see my grandparents out in MO, too late to see my dog one last time though..school started but that doesn't concern me...september 11th proved to be a date of significance when the girl i was dating decided then we should break up...two days later she fucked someone else....this allowed for me to rekindle things out east..but the winds of change would soon blow that out too

i looked for an outlet and found it in various forms...i started hanging out with people once again which soon led to the move from the crazy cat ladies place - that and the fucking cat box was put back outside..i grew up a bit and tied myself down by signing a lease for a year on the southside of town.

through a series of mis-events and anomalies a new bond was formed with a girl on upsetting terms. a first date to hold a record for the ages and another michigan loss to oswho..not to mention a michigan season not worth mentioning..the holidays came and i hated them more than i did the years prior, naturally...the economy fell, work got slow, i began to work less, and an unqualified black man became president of the united states free world...

so 08 turned out to be a crapshoot...i'm sure i missed a bunch of other events but i don't remember anything...sooooo....whatevs....

"what's the quote of the year?"

My Holiday

What's cooler than cool?
the region!

Cold just got colder, and pitch black just got darker...

what a crazy weekend... how i survived with my sanity or killing something is beyond me...it all started on saturday..in typical jangus fashion i was trying to cram 3 days worth of activities into 6 hours - so naturally that made me a little behind schedule - although how is it a schedule when it's destined to fail and makes you push back everything all day long..i guess it's plan of sorts...

so after running around all day long, getting in a quick leg workout, buying presents, cheese, wine, whatever else i headed off on my drive, behind schedule of course....what time i lost during the day i was making up on the drive..getting closer and closer to my goal, NWI...i breached the time change, the point of no return..i thought i was gonna make it..i thought wrong...

after hitting the 230 mile marker, less than 10 miles from my exit, i run into my first problem - the one that started the avalanche for the problems to come...i feel a little loss in control in the steering, i feel a rumble, i know what is going on...i pull off to the side of the road...I-65 doesn't leave much room in the margin, but i do the best i could to get over..or so i thought...i see my tire is flat, upon further inspection..it's shredded...coooool. i get out the jack and throw on my spare - doing so makes me very nervous...my hazards keep deciding to randomly turn off, my car is black, it's already dark out, and my heels as i kneel down are inches off the white line..

i stare into the oncoming traffic as i change tires...this just made me lose all the time i had made up...ughh, back behind schedule...i hop back in the car and continue my drive...i'll deal with the tire tomorrow..not even a minute on the road, i barely got my car up to 70 before i felt a shake and a rumble again - maybe, i think to myself, i just didn't tighten my lugnuts enough, i was in a hurry...i pull over, and as i open the door i hear the hiss of my spare....again, another tire blown..i chuckle because, well, what was there to do...

i make a call to the b's and they come and pick me up...luckily like i said i was less than ten miles from the exit...the party can start now that everything weird has just gotten things going...the next day the temperatures plummet to negative four degrees...with wind chill it's negative retarded degrees..i decide to get my car towed now, as opposed to last night..another mistake...because the car has sat in the open plains with hellishly cold wind ripping through it, my car is dead, battery, engine, whatever, dead...i know this even before heading out when the cars in the driveway at the house are frozen solid and won't start either..

the car get's towed back to the house, it is dead, i call off from work..they aren't too happy..i'm not happy...i'm missing out on two of my five shifts for the week...and not only am i loosing out on that money, i've got to go out and buy shit for my car....cooool...best trip ever...

so we get z's car started and around five he heads on back to lafayette..just in time too because that's when we lost power...so, cool, it's below zero and we lost power..i love going to the region...

i took a nap, and looking back, that is probably the worst thing you can do when the power gets out...ok, here's my logic = i took my nap and i woke up a couple hours later, waking to a colder house, and awake...sooo, next time, i'll stay awake as much as i can, gathering up all the blankets, making a fort, light candles in the fort..then when the time comes...many hours later, ball up and sleep..with like twelve coats...by the time i wake, maybe power will be back on? it was probably 5 to 6 hours before the power came back on..the temperature got below 60...

i was cold and hungry....mind you, i came dressed for 40 degree weather, the temperature i left indy with...and mind you, i only packed for a trip that was supposed to last a night, hours if that...my phone is dead, my car was dead, the power was dead...amazing...

the next day i get a tire for my car, no replacement for the spare, but oh well...the temperature has gone up...it's only like 10 but, with no wind like on I-65 and negative temps i am content...so after all is said and done i try to jump my car...no go...i leave the cars hooked up for what seemed like an hour, trying jumps intravenously in between..no go....then i pull out the battery, out of the back seat, and take it down the road to get it tested...over an hour later, the battery is ruled to be no good....and the only replacement they have is the most expensive one they carry....cooooool....i guess it was time for a battery, the old one was the car's original...

i'd never taken a battery out of a car, and i've heard all the horror stories of batteries exploding, people getting shocked...so i am weary of the whole process...here's tools, go at it....somehow, with Divine intervention i made it work...i put the battery in, and it started...oh my god...i was ecstatic..i quickly said my goodbyes, probably forgot somethings, and got on the road...mind you the inside of my car had frost in it...

got gas before i got back onto the highway, used the hot food i purchased to defrost my windshield and got on the road...all i wanted to do was get back to indy...probably the first time i've ever said that phrase...but it was monday night and i wanted to watch the bears play...

sped home, grabbed 20 arby's sandwiches, and made it home in time for kickoff...somehow?

"there's no place like home"

I Want a Hippopotamus for Xmas

well, that's for you...
me..are my ears on straight?

here's a winner for ya...

sometimes i wonder why i do the things i do - sure i've gone through life being able to justify every single move i've taken..i just wished i didn't have to at times. this time i ask myself if what just happened was a very 'natural' response or was it the right thing that i actually meant to do for once.

if i understood me, if just for a moment, life would be different..but i don't have time for that sort of thing, one of the many mysteries...it's much easier understanding others than it is yourself.

i've been talking with Jade lately, well, talk is an exaggeration, we've sent a couple emails back and forth in the past month..i feel as if maybe she's known me the best, which is comparable to having a live bomb in your hand...it's good if you know how to throw it and use it to your advantage, but you never know when it's going to go off...i've had my fair share of problems with her and i think right now i am keeping a safe distance, even though we both have stressed the acute apprehension with a warm embrace..

"..i did what i did, it feels wrong, i feel bad, and i feel like i am still an asshole...was it the right thing?"

and then there are a lot of times i just have no idea what is going on...i feel this a lot, mainly all the times in arguments with girls...god, the ex would tell me all the things she thought i was doing wrongly, she'd be so upset, and i'd just sit there..i'd say my piece one time..the fight would continue and be brought up again, i wouldn't repeat myself because obviously that did a whole lot of good..so i just said, "i don't know what to say", because, in all honesty, i didn't know what else to say...she was upset for some irrational reason that i tried to tell her otherwise, it didn't work, and i wasn't about to stop hanging out with friends because she had a complex...

maybe understanding people is harder than i thought...people will bitch at me, bitch me out, try to call me out, and i just sit there..let them type away all their dirty little thoughts, and when they are finished they want a response, so i throw up the standard, "ok, cool" and i leave. i don't have time to be bothered by things i don't understand..if i did, i'd go to school and take chemistry..hell, i would have taken chemistry, but no, i didn't have time for that shit...

then people get mad because i 'ran', and you know what i tell them.. well, it's easier to leave than be left behind

the reason why i love Vanilla Sky so much, ill-fated relationships..trying to make the other people in his life happy..it doesn't work out, does it...as much as i may like saying it, i think i found my vanilla sky.

what's interesting is, sure i like being the asshole, i can't go a moment of my life without being an asshole, sometimes it just comes out too naturally - like tonight when there were several of us polishing win glasses right after we finished polishing silverware and making our sets, one of the closing servers said, "ok guys it's really great that your hitting up the glasses like that, but we've got..oh, about four racks of silverware we need to work on" - as the disgruntled faces started to form i quipped back with, 'glad you can count Dracula'..the heads that turned back to me...

but what i don't like is when i can control whether or not i am the asshole...if i can go through something whether it's faking it or whathave you, as long as i am not being an asshole to people, i am happy...that's what makes certain things in life so hard...whichever road you take, regrettably you're gonna be called the asshole..and i've always avoided that road because in this instance i can control that..i get to be the asshole enough in life, if i can go a time period where i'm not, i'll do it....but, naturally, it ends up, i'm the asshole..

oh i'm the asshole, I'M the asshole?!?..oh wait, right, i am

i never meant to do any harm, i never do..i never meant to hurt you, i never meant to make you cry, i never meant you cause you trouble, i never meant to lie so this is goodbye

"You were missed, David. It was Sofia who never fully recovered. It was she who some how knew you best... and like you, she never forgot that one night where true love seemed possible."

YOU!

and me
and everyone we know

So i figured since i talk so much shit, i should be able to back it up, enter: The Gym...i'm just a scrapper anyways, but what i lack in strength i make up for in...retarded determination...sure i'll get hit the majority of the time, sure i'll be bloody, sure i'll be knocked on the ground...but if it's one thing you all know about me..i'll keep standing back up....

so, i figure i'll add some muscle, gain some weight, get me to some sort of a healthy level and be happy...speaking of happy..working out is a blast...i'm probably the only person who can go to the gym, work out to exhaustion, and be smiling and giggling like a school girl

so i take these multi-vitamins twice a day, because i was told to, and it has made me piss super bright yellow - it's like a highlation of piss on the yellow brick road...i bet if i were to turn off the lights it would still emit light...i have to wear sunglasses to piss..do not look directly at the stream...

speaking of piss....i piss so much now it's retarded...after my workout today i swear my bladder failed, i felt like my grandpa, having to piss every thirty minutes...it is like a night of drinking, after i break the seal my body tries to rid itself of all the liquid in my body to replace it with alcohol...and not to mention waking up 5 hours after i fall asleep and have to piss...i need a bed pan...

speaking of hospitals, TJ is in the hospital this week, sleeping on a cloud, eating the walls which are made of candy, having half naked scantily clad nurses answer his ever beckon call...man...fantasy land ohio...i'm glad i left

and had to get a real job and have my heart broken..fuck ohio and it's candy cane stripper poles..i'm living it up in 50 degree one day 20 the next indiana..where the purdue butterface girls go back home to their farms, the IU girls go back to New Jersey..where NWI means 'No Where in Indiana' or 'we're really chicago..honestly...'

come to think of it....southern indiana doesn't even exist to me...i mean..bloomington isn't really southern indiana...but it's the place furthest south i've really spent a large amount of time in..i mean, i've been two evansville once or twice..i've been to aurora indiana, both were for boats coincidentally enough..well, kinda...the end result at least..

conclusion...indiana sucks...and even though i probably said it last year, i don't want to spend another cold ass winter in the midwest...i absolutely hate..i'd probably sell my soul to not live in this weather anymore..i've done my time, now let me go...

"sure jesus can walk on water, but i can swim through land"

I Hate the Cold..

jews, blacks, homosexuals
..and holidays

i feel as if i am stuck inside of mobile with those memphis blues again...

one liners...that's all it seems to be, that's all we seem to remember...parts of movies, books, life...maybe twitter has it right all along...140 characters is all you need to sum up something, anything more and i won't remember

i voiced my opinion about my shitty scheduling today at work, but it wasn't like i rehearsed it as it was sprung up to me at random while on the dining room floor..so i couldn't blow up or threaten anyone without a guest within earshot of me hearing it all...i remember part of the conversation going "well, what's your schedule look like this week - crap..a big pile of crap - *shocked* crap? - yeah, today consists of 2 of my 5 shifts this week....." hopefully something gets done..

not gonna lie, i was shitty to start my shift off at work today...walking into that place made me hate my life a little more - it's all the stress of not having a decent schedule or decent shifts on top of it..it's bad enough the economy sucks right now, i'm working minimal hours during the 'good' time of the year with the shittiest shifts...coooool...all i want for xmas this year is everything

i don't fear the man who has everything to lose, rather i fear the man who has nothing

i cant wait for this holiday season to be over...i said it last night, i'll say it again, fuck xmas...i think i am becoming more and more of a scrooge every year because every year i have less and less to be thankful for or celebrate..i remember saying "something great in ohh eight", and it's almost fucking over...xmas is next week....i work both xmas eve and xmas day..i think i did last year too...i wish i could just sit at home alone and watch movies like i did two years ago...that was a good xmas...

but i learned from last year..having to work on new year's eve...i wanted to be with my best friend, my girlfriend, i wanted to be in chicago....i made sure to get NYE and NYD off...but, i don't think anything other than having those days off will happen..i guess take what you have, or can get, settle...settle..because, ehh, what's it worth to you anyways...

i hate how my room turns into a sauna at night...i turn off the heat for the apartment and the place will turn into an icebox, except my room..i'm halfway tempted to open my window...i mean i've opened all the vents all the way in the house and closed off mine..yet, nothing but 80 degrees and me waking up in a sweat

well, funk all this...i'm retarded and picked up a shift for tomorrow when i was supposed to go to the auctions..

i am my own undoing

"Fuck Wheat Thins!"

Just Sore

gearing up..
for the wind down..

I'm trying to get back on track with this blogging thing..it seems, even though as much as i may have bitched, things went a lot better for me...i was getting better schedules, better shifts, life was just shitty...now..well, now everything is shitty, even my piss...

i'll go back to "day-logging" because as long i am ranting and telling my daily run-arounds i'm doing something...and isn't that what most blogs are anyways...isn't that what made 'the waiter' so famous...so i'll turn around to my back pages, stealing something from myself, a road traveled many a times that has proven to have worked for me...

this holiday season has really been lackluster for me and my restaurant...besides being only schedule 3 days - granted it is 5 shifts - suck ass shifts - i haven't worked a Friday or Saturday night in over a month...i've been scheduled more lunch shifts than dinner shifts every week, and now that the lunches are projected to be busier than dinner, i have but two lunch shifts...it's like they are maliciously trying to fuck me...

i've been starting to go to the gym...i'm not sure what has really motivated me, maybe it's the guys i live with going all the time, maybe it's something to do because i don't work any more, maybe i can try out for the Detroit lions next season...nahh, they've got a good team...browns would be more up my alley..

an addendum to my last blog - no physical 6 packs..you can have abs of steel that's fine, you can be in shape, cool...but defined muscles are such a turn off - in addition to the family thing, the mother's must like me...only in my history have two mother's of girls i was seeing not liked me...i no longer speak to those two girls (like mother, like daughter...no matter how much you say you aren't like her...) - i said it in my comments but in highschool we had a system take the girl's IQ and subtract her weight, the higher the positive number, the better she scored..no cat lovers..must love dogs....

i hate that my right calf keeps twitching...i hate being in pain, but i get a kick out of what i do i guess...i hate the cold..it seems as if every year i experience the cold, the less i get used to it and the more i come to hate it...this makes me believe any possible thought of moving to the city i so love would never happen...love conquers all, except temperature...

i hate that these daily vitamins turn my pee into highlighter yellow...i swear it's worse than radioactive...i bet if you turn off the lights you'd see my piss glowing in the dark.. a nice trail from the bathroom to my room - you know, because i walk around naked, and i don't shake it when i'm done..i just let it drip as i walk back into my room...

my TV is busted, came that way, so now i am having a technician come and take a look at it tomorrow...coooool...if anything goes right for me, it happened in the past...

for those of you who were kept up to date or followed the drama that was my exgirlfriend, you missed yet another great chapter into her book about two weeks ago...as much as i would like to say, that's the last you've heard from her..just like a horrible B horror movie...the evil monster never dies just once..so she had her sequel...but what scary movie ends on just two..

that's all i got for right now...tomorrow i work a double, so coool...one of my three days, two of my five shifts, seven out of the nine things in my life that are causing my stress...

"if you're gonna do what you want, why even ask other's for their advice"

Report Card

Do's and Don't Do's
what's your grade?

there's been talk and speculation about 'what type of girl is a jangus girl' - and despite some of the insulting remarks and pathetic conclusions i decided to break the silence. most of the time i'll have people point out the scarf and chuck taylor wearing while listening to some unknown band on her ipod scene girl, and as much as y'all may think it it fits..it's only so much...i love music more than the next person, and i have my own sense of style which may not fit the social norm, but two negative magnets don't attract - those people are good to talk to about things i can relate to, go to shows with, be friends essentially..but date, no. now there is no set in stone qualifications so i don't want you to hold this against me, but i digress...

* Must have worked in the service industry - preferably a serving position - mainly i don't want some rich bitch who has no sense of money or understanding for the 'people under her' - it's all about compassion really..and serving is one of the hardest/easiest things to do....i go out to eat a lot and a bitch that is, well, a bitch, is no bitch for me...

which leads me into the next point

*midwest girl - girls from the west coast (ohh, i'm generalizing here..) have a less appreciation for things - that's why they don't have winter...and girls from the eat coast...well, we all know the term JAP..again, no appreciation or understanding...

*i'm a boob man...pretty much any size..granted there are cutoffs for to small or too large, yes, there can be too much of a good thing..now i can appreciate a good ass...but i guess i really dont have the full comprehension on what a 'good ass' really is...i like cleavage and bouncing bosoms..

*i like my girls shorter than me...but i do like them short short, like 5'1" or so...maybe that's weird...but i like petite girls...small, short, little frames - any bit of fat frightens me, or sickens me..i'm sorry, it's shallow, but one of my biggest fears in life is to become large..like my mother...

*hair and eye color are irrelevant - granted, brown hair should have curls...i am partial to brown curly hair (of course it needs a bit of blonde in it) - but blonde hair should be kept straight..and platinum

but these are mere physical features..let's not get too superficial

*i need my girls to have some sort of artistic outlet - painting, photography (preferably not that....), singing, dancing, whatever....something creative

*which leads into..the girl must have some sort of intelligence...she must not be as dumb as rocks..must be funny, understand all forms of humor - sarcasm especially
*must have some sort of personality...when i introduce her to my friends, she must not sit there quiet all night...begging for my attention..she must be able to hold her own...

*she wants me in her life not because she needs me, but because she wants me

*basically i'm looking for an attractive girl, attractive by my standards not the typical 'guy whatever' standards..cute to me..who likes to laugh, has a sense of sarcasm and self worth..some dignity and class also go a long way, but are humble to their roots..be fun, but not necessarily the center of attention all the time, swallows, likes children and is good with them, has strong family ties - granted i know everyone has their problems with their family but i'd like some sort of roots, uses 1 or 3 exclamation points, not 2!!!, someone not finicky with their heart and someone that won't be with others, someone to keep it real, not needing to spend an hour getting ready before going out to the grocery store, someone who keeps her promises and pays her debts, trusting and trustworthy, makes me better myself/brings out the good in me (wherever it is..), has her own taste in things but is willing to try new things, sooo i guess open minded with her own sense of individuality, mentally stable (yeah right, if she has a vagina she's pretty much already counted out on that one..) and i'd say someone who understands me, but that is to a certain degree because nobody will fully understand me, not even myself..so as close as you can get really...and i'm probably missing a ton of other things not to mention some obvious things..soo i apologize

"It's so funny that we set qualifications for the right person to love,
While at the back of our minds we know that the person we truly love will always be an exception."

RANT

all bets are off...

anything goes...

fuck you and your fedora...

...if you had a fedora...



this is an old time post full of old school emotion...nice









"i'll see you in another life, when we are both cats!"

X-mas List

Naughty...
or very naughty....

since the tree is up and black friday has passed..it's time for my list...




*Someone to develop my film...i have 16 rolls i want developed and put onto a CD

*A nice tripod...nothing cheap please

*Almost Famous Untitled DVD...you cant find it in stores people

*New Keyboard for my lappy
*New Battery for my lappy
*Airport Extreme for my lappy

*a replica of the Big Blue Banner that Michigan runs under at the start of their football games...you know the one that says "Go Blue" and underneath it, it says "M Club Supports you"

*Mother fucking Michigan headband...where the fuck is it...

*Print out a hard-copy of my blog, year to year..hell, i'd be content with just one year at a time...all put together, in order with some sort of a cover....bonus points if you read the entries and highlight any part you like...like, lots of bonus points...


more to come i am sure...

"fuck salt!"

Long Overdue

Can you feel it..
because i don't want to...

it's here....what you ask...well, a lot of things....it's my first post in a long time, even longer if you don't count that half-assed internet down update...this is the first worthy post in some time...maybe this month...wow...

what else is here...the holiday season...that's here too..what with thanksgiving yesterday and Black Friday today...people putting up their xmas trees and radio stations, now legally, playing xmas music...

and even though november is coming to a close...something else is here too...that seasonal thing i love oh so dearly...

but i won't get into it, i don't want to be called out as some big bitch, or little bitch either....but you know what i hate...criticism...i've received too much flack for this blog and my daily updates...so far as to it not being called a blog but a 'day-log'......

definition: A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video.

personal blog: The personal blog, an ongoing diary or commentary by an individual, is the traditional, most common blog. Personal bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read by anyone but them. Blogs often become more than a way to just communicate; they become a way to reflect on life or works of art. Blogging can have a sentimental quality. Few personal blogs rise to fame and the mainstream, but some personal blogs quickly garner an extensive following. A type of personal blog is referred to as "microblogging," which is extremely detailed blogging as it seeks to capture a moment in time. Sites, such as Twitter, allow bloggers to share thoughts and feelings instantaneously with friends and family and is much faster than e-mailing or writing. This form of social media lends to an online generation already too busy to keep in touch.

back in my hay-day when i was part of a triumvirate who ran a website that caused a lot of noise in highschool and had me getting escorted to classes by law enforcement, one of the things we learned number one was, update....update update update...you won't keep a fan base if you don't update regularly...we did our best to do so, but looking back, and even then, we knew we could have done a lot better of a job...

looking back at the posts from the past from years prior, i tried to do just that...update everyday...2003 and 2004 came close...of course i remember the great streak where i had 12 posts in something like 2 hours...back in the day...

is my blog any less of a blog just because everyday you see an update...don't other bloggers try to do this....i mean, i blog for myself, as most bloggers do the same...it's a personal journal..something i do for myself, and if others read it, well then, ok...i always have said my perfect girlfriend would read my blog as it is a better insight to my mind...but as for understanding...it'll help..but not much...i'll just appreciate you more

and as for pissing off people...it seems that's the only thing i am good for..whether it be this blog or through my twitter..or my fake facebook identity..bob johnson...it seems as if i ever post a comment or status or whatever with Bob, it comes back to me...through multiple people...ok, i didn't think i would ever have to spell it out for all y'all, but seriously...the jangus is my 'real' account, bob johnson is my 'fake' account...but that's to say that everything on facebook isn't a big joke anyways...for reals people, get a fucking life and quit being so god damned vain...

so the seasonal depression is here, the internet is back up, so i'm sure you'll be getting more blog updates..funny how i have the will to do nothing at all, yet i promise updates...well, i never promised..i only make promises i can keep...

read if you want...i do this for me, not you.. i'm not looking for a fan base, i'm not hoping to be made famous, to be published..this is an outlet for me and my thoughts, my daily shit...if you read into what i write the wrong way, it's because you done fucked it up and don't understand...because, at one time you did...

"dammit...you know it's the holidays when you go shopping and you hear *cling cling cling* fucking salvation army...."

51 Hours..

too tired to care,
too tired not to

ughhh....that's all i can sum up the past....i don't even know....i was able to squeeze an update out of the lack of internet melon i had the other day...i need to get back on track...it's hard to form habits when other things are making it impossible to stay on beat...

i got another crappy schedule this week, actually it was the same at last week but instead of going somewhere i spent the time cooped up in the apartment from the time i got home from work on tuesday til today...51 hours without stepping foot outside..

i've had plans to do things, but i just hadn't had the motivation to do it..and when i wanted to yesterday i couldn't...you see the AT&T internet guy called at 4 saying he was at a job but would be over right after that..well, i couldn't leave in fear that i would miss the guy..so i waited..and waited...and waited...10pm came around and i decided to make some food, fucking att...

so today i felt extraordinarily tired...that didn't help me get moving, neither did the sudden change in direction for service going well for the apartment...the maintenance people came over to put the screens back on our patio..they've only been off since we've moved in, lord only knows why they took them off in the first place, nothing was wrong with them....after they were finished up, the cable guy showed up..so i sat there and watched him make new cables and connect boxes...after that i laid back down...i was in and out of sleep all day...Phil came in my room to borrow my lapy to hook up the interent, apparently he was on the phone with AT&T...after a bit of time the internet was setup....coool, Thursdays everything gets pieced together it seems...

3 pm rolled around and i meant to get going with my To-Do list, but with the new acquisition of internet and cable, i had a lot of catching up to do...a lot of porn to view and stalking...i became grossly engaged in online conversations with people that ate into my time frame...4 pm - no trip to btown...5pm - no trip to the antique stores...6pm - no trip to take a look at the bedroom set...7pm - ok seriously, let's get a move on...

i went tanning, partially fell asleep in the bed, probably the best tanning experience i have ever had though, at no time did i get hot, and it was very peaceful..way to kill myself...then i drove around, went to furniture stores...i've come to realize i hate buying new things like beds and tables because of how poorly made everything is..cheap flimsy wood, lightweight...funk this..i'll stick to the antique stores and get quality...

i was on the east side of southport by this point so i made a stop into meijer - now i had only two things on my list, tweezers and razors...but it's meijer, a million reasons a sinlge store, that's meijer...i never grab a cart (because there's always one around) - i find the two initial items i am looking for and decide to continue looking..starts in electronics but then moves onto the other half of the store, you know, where the food is located...

i decide i want chocolate milk, you know me...but upon my arrival in front of the dairy rape juice barriers of glass i noticed something..something that only comes out once a year....eggnog! it's my thing to buy a half gallon of eggnog every year the first time i see it....and it seems that every year it comes out earlier and earlier...

continuing on with my grocery adventure i walk next to the end of the aisles looking down them, trying to remember what it is like to grocery shop...it's one of those things tat makes me happy, or least it used to, don't ask me why...but it's been so long since i've actually lived in a place where i had access to ovens, fridges, an actual kitchen...i can't even remember the things i used to buy all the time to stock my freezer or cabinets...

while passing by one aisle and young lady catches my eye - i'm still in my sleepy what the fuck state and it takes me to the next aisle for me to realize the girl and process the sighting...i double back or a second look and my thoughts are confirmed, sorta...she looks like a girl i used to work with..so there i stand looking like some sort of freak at the end of the aisle, tilting my head trying to get a good look at the face to tell whether or not it is the girl - i'm an idiot...so then i start to make my way down the aisle and she looks at me, smiles and then we both realize we know each other..we converse, all in all it was a good talk. for some reason she gave me her number and told me that i should stop by sometime, i could bring the boys too, since they live right across the street from meijer..coool.

i continue shopping, i come across the cereal aisle and of course have to get me some lucky charms...by now it's hard to hold the two half gallons of milk, two boxes of cereal, and the random small items i got in H&B...i start to walk away, but it isn't long before i find an empty abandoned shopping cart, and then it was on...

in the next couple minutes i pick up random items, it wasn't true shopping, just frozen goods and shit like that..i make my way to the front of the store and call it quits..as i walk my cart by the check out lanes i see the girl again and she sees my cart, i just shake my head and say, "i don't even know how this happened...."

stop at subway, pick up some food....i really don't want to do anything today..i barely wrote this blog...fuck me right?

" ..of course i care...but she's a different person now, she changed and so she's no longer what i loved, and that's all she wrote "

Where's the Beef?

i need an update
like she needs a clitorectomy...

ughhhh, i'm so sorry....it's been two weeks without the internet...and i've got nothing for you...just as i started getting a fan base and updating daily, i lose it all just as quickly..i still don't have the internet at the moment, i'm in fact sitting at my favorite place to steal wi-fi from, P-bread.

and as much as i would like to say i made a bunch of posts in my down time...i did not...without the internet i don't even want to look at my computer....maybe play music on it, but now that even sucks since my keyboard is broken...coooool, just add it to the pile of other $2500 paper weights i got laying around in my room...that 52" LCD TV will be next on the list....

a lot has been going on, as usual...people hating me for once in their lives, others trying to get back into contact with me, and weird romances that are comparable to walking through a cobra pit..and i'm just flicking snakes in the face...

i'm oblivious to a lot of things...when i piss people off, when people like me, that i'm rubbing my balls in public right now....i'm too busy eaves-dropping on the crocheter's conversation, fucking P-Bread...

my new living arrangements are good and bad....good to have interaction with people, but there's the rub...it kinda reminds me of btown all over again...only three people instead of five this time...thank god..the two guys i live with are good at heart, but we all know how anal i am about cleanliness...mis en place, mis en place, mis en place, mis en place...it's not hard...we have a dishwasher....but why are dishes in the bloody sink...trash gets full...overflows onto the tile...these people don't work 40+ hours a week, these people do not have school...these people have no excuse...

oh but wait, i'm bitching about people taking advantage of me, me being spineless and complaining about it...cooooool fuck me right?

this isn't much of an update, just a "hey, i'm still alive" sort of thing...hope to get internet soon, hope to get back to blogging, hope to get back...

"B-I've been thinking about you a lot Jangus
M-well i'm alive if that's what you wanted to know"

Cards...

V-Cards, C-Cards...
A-Cards...

all too often we experience situations in which "cards" are laid out to help one or a group through that situation...there are the obvious cards, but you can even delve further and make up spontaneous cards as needed..

in most scenarios cards are used an an excuse for something, and when mentioned they are put into play - kinda like some weird game of Magic, only in real life using invisible cards..so the exact opposite...

excuses can range from being sick, working a double, whatever...it's usually something lame that a person says to try to justify why they cannot perform whatever it is being asked of them, so basically why they suck at life...

i hate card games, random fate based on how the cards were shuffled..at times i feel like life is some fucked up card game - you're dealt a hands of cards and you go to make do with what you got..

but what i really hate more is when people make horrible excuses and try to play them like trump cards...as if they got pocket twos and every card on the flop, fourth street, and river are all face cards, and then they irrationally turn over their cards in some triumphant motion walking away with their hands raised in the air like they shocked the world...get your candy ass back over here...

i feel as if i am a victim of a rigged game this week...maybe i am just not understanding these new rules, made up as we go along...is that how life is..."this was never a problem until now"...

Truth

11/05

nobody wants to hear the truth..sure they may ask for it, search it out, but they don’t want the real truth...they want some pre-fabricated version of the truth manufactured by someone else made to fit their own ideals. I stop my walk on the trail and re-read text messages from the night prior...i’m not a fan of being guilted.

The texts tell me the ‘truth’ that those think I need to hear, the truth I should hear..it’s worthless...guilt falls off my mind like water on a duck’s back...you’re talking to the guy who told everyone he encountered that his mother was dead - the same person that still refers to her by her first name even now - all because she didn’t say goodbye...it’s not a grudge, it’s a mark that was left that I have to bear, it’s an everlasting scar I am reminded of everyday, but not a grudge.

I turn around, I’ve been out here long enough...do they want the truth? Hell, even if I were to give them my truth at this very moment they wouldn’t accept it as the truth...if I told them I could give a fuck about dinner plans, that I’d rather sleep in my car underneath the spotlight of a truckstop than to go back right now, they wouldn’t respect my decisions..call me thickheaded, call me the asshole....but even if I were to humor them and show, what the fuck good would that do - in a perfect world we would all go out and have a great time, but its far from perfect now...should I show to appease them, I’d just sit there, I wouldn’t talk, I’m not hungry, it’d be like bringing a corpse to the dinner table, and nobody likes that...

I hate when people are walking behind me - I know we are on the only path going in the same direction, I know they aren’t following me, but truth is, it bothers me

Truth is the sun is going down, ruining my photo session with nature...truth is the temperature has gone down twelve degrees in the past twenty-five minutes, truth is my nose is freazing, truth is I still don’t want to go.

Two females jog past me, the one on the left wearing an adidas pack on her back, the other with some clichéd workout slogan printed on the back of her shirt..truth is I hate running with a bag on my back...truth is I find those sloganed shirts to be the equivalent to fortune cookies for the weight room.

How far did I walk, this seems to be taking forever to get back to where I last shot any photos at the bridge...

Truth is, I don’t blog when I’m mad anymore - it’s probably for the best, I don’t want to offend anyone - oh wait, I do that already, whoops. Reviewing posts from the past, it seems as if I had instaneous access to the computer when I needed to rant - weird part is that I had a desktop back then..now I have a lappy and can’t get anything on here like I’d want to. I’d much rather give three smaller posts a day instead of one long recap, but now-a-days all I have is a two hour block once a day to get my writing in, if I’m lucky.

I’m back at the bridge, fire off a couple shots, yeah..the sun is making it next to impossible for me to get what I want, I continue my way back.

Truth is, I wish I had a mental recorder for the rants I give in my head...i didn’t even bring my digital recorder, or if I did, I don’t even know where it is...i really prefer what is in my head the first time I think it rather than brewing on it til I get to my computer only to hack it up via text.

I get back to my car, pull out my lappy and carry it on over to the park benches...i’m gonna try my best to get everything out on here...but truth is, my battery is dead..

Day Light Savings

More time to drink
More time to fuck up

I wake up on the couch and locate my phone underneath me to see what time it is..830 something...but what’s this...why has my phone been blown up over the night...6 missed calls, 2 voicemails, 11 texts....what did I miss?

5 missed calls, along with the 2 voicemails are from an 812 number that is not in my phone, what’s up with that? I figure someone just had the wrong number so I listen to the voicemails, half in it half out...the standard, “hey it’s me” starts off the message and I don’t recognize the voice...until the end...oh my god, she fucking called me...the ex fucking called me...listen to the next message...basically the same thing...she wanted to talk me to, she wanted me to call because it was urgent, like seriously important...

it’s funny that I just defended myself the other night against if she were to come back into my life would I get back with her...she may not have said “Jason I love you” or anything close to that, but as she ended the second message, the way the word “K” drunkingly slides off her tongue makes me melt a little...

the texts are not from her, random twitter updates - that mobile update shit is gonna stop - in part as to why I muted my phone last night...how ironic...i muted my phone and then the ex calls...it was probably for the best..

I go back to sleep, but my mind is compiling everything that just happened, so naturally she’s in my dream...i’m not happy nor rested when I wake to my alarm a little bit later.

I arrive at work for my 1030 shift and after thinking it over all morning long I finally send a text to the random number and the ex’s number stating “Hope everything is ok” - I’m a sucker for those I know in need...knight in shining armor syndrome I guess..i’m a softie because I care too much and I’ll do anything I can to make something right...i figured my response was just enough, not too much just a quick sentence, and it’s something so it is more than nothing...i get a response from the unknown number an hour later asking who I was...i tell them that the waste called me from that number last night and I was just replying to her, who is this...never got a response....the kicker would be if it was her new bf’s....

So then there was work...it was dead in the beginning...i just polished wine glasses for the better part of the day...management let two employees on break til 3 and then I was supposed to go..one of them said they would come back at 2 so I could actually get a break...i just wanted a chance to eat or it down..tonight is going to be hell....we are going to do something like 200 covers in 2 hours...our kitchen is going to crash, I know it..

Two o’clock comes and goes...i have a couple tables, but I want to eat....it’s nearing three and the dinner crowd is piling in, getting in the way as I am actually trying to work now that I got three tables in three different parts of the restaurant so I am not weeded, just a little bit hustling....”if you’re not on the clock, get the fuck out of the alley and out of my damn way - get your fucking food and head up to the room like the fucking animals you are!” - I love it when I get mad..and I think people do too...

It’s after three, I see the person who was supposed to relieve me finally walk in the door...cool, pre-shift has already started, I still have tables, and I’m about to get sat for my dinner rotation..fuck my life.

The restaurant fills up quickly, I got three tables I am working, but I’m not weeded like everyone else, in fact, I’m bored...i really don’t feel like helping out tonight though, too tired and I got fucked over, so I slowly meander from place to place, just out of eyeshot from management and those who give the look like they need a swarm or hands...i turn my tables quickly, the hosts are happy, I’m the only person who hasn’t complained to the host team yet so they are grateful with me..

My new turn however does effect me, at first..if I wanted to give my standard service, I would have been in a jam, I start to feel behind, but that quickly dissipates as my tables are trying to go the Colts game..saved, they give me their entire orders as I great them, multiple courses? - great, everything is getting run in at the same time...

It’s 8 and the restaurant is almost empty except for a few scattered tables, obviously oblivious to the game..of course one of which is mine...i fight to get my sets and sidework completed as my last table orders desserts...i’ve been there the longest and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be there any longer than I have to..

I get home something short of 10, and Gary grabs me to go to Bdubs with him..don’t worry we stayed in indy this time...the bloody marys weren’t the same, but I had two regardless...i check my facebook and email and all that crap on my phone while gary watches the colts pull a victory out of their asses...oh my god no....she requested my friendship on facebook...are you kidding me? And what a great profile picture....

I like to keep exes as friends on facebook just so I can see what whorible people they develop into..i mean look at THE EX, she got all fat and ugly...and dykey...it makes me feel better to know I got in when the getting was good....i’m not adding her right now...

Back home I am still upset about the place looking like a mess...i go straight to my room and close the door...this causes me to pass out relatively early for myself...but still it was the next day...

“You know what the difference between you and a cocksucker is? - Nothing! Now get the fuck out of my way!”

it’s November..

11/01

it may be the first day of the month...but I may have already heard the quote of the month..i easily awarded it with the “Quote of the Week” jumping right past “Quote of the Day”.

It all happened at work tonight, I was placed into the wine room with randell on the floor map for the evening - there wasn’t any large parties going in there, just some VIPs and requests..