The Last of the US Posts

all..

coming...

to a close...

It's been a hectic last couple weeks...days...hours even; but time is one thing I learned that you cannot stop...and as time keeps ticking forward, I find my fingers feverishly racing on the keyboard..trying to keep up with the movement of the spinning hands.

The entirety of the situation started to hit me a few days ago...i started to notice my movements slowing down, everything was slowing down..I wasn't in a hurry, my motions, my body, even my beating heart all started to slow down as afflicted by a tranquil drink.

the world moved fast, or as fast as it normally does, it was me that was different I suppose. I can't be expected to act like it's not, but it's hard to uphold that image when you're asked be every contact you meet.

Maybe that's why I said I was ok, because I didn't want to face the facts..and the sooner I accepted my fate, the longer I would have til it happened..more time for worry, more time for stress, more time for pain...and nobody needs that.

These hours waiting in the airport, these uncomfortable seats jarring the reality into your back, giving you nothing but time to think about the pain, of it all.

I haven't posted enough in 2013, though, I should have.

"insert obligatory leaving quote/music lyrics here"

Question..

what happens..
to these posts..

if I'm posting from the future?

So ever since I got to Korea I've been saying that I'm from the future..it happens in like every single text message. I'd currently Saturday afternoon here..which means it's like Friday night back home..

so my question is….If I were to make this post right now, and somebody from back home were to view it a few minutes after I posted it..it would show up right, and it would show from the future time to them…

I question this only because in the past I've woe posts, but changed the time to post for a future time/date…and it would sit there, pending, until that time came…

but in this instance, i'm posting in my current time, just future time for anyone else…so the dates they read with what I wrote wouldn't correspond necessarily…

ok, this has been a brain melt that has last long enough, good day.







"sometimes you have to travel a million miles, see a million faces to realize the answer to all your questions was right there the whole time"

It's The Final Countdown...

T minus..

Go, no-go for launch..

We have now approached single digits

I have 9 days left of “freedom” before I begin a new chapter in my life, a very new very different chapter in my life. The problem is, it hasn’t hit me yet – Granted, I’m typing it all out and making everyone aware of the time left, so therefore I too am aware…it hasn’t hit me. Yes I know there are nine days left for me to get all my shit together, to see my family one last time, to try and prepare for what is to come.

Am I ready? No, not yet. And the closer I get to my departure time, the more I encounter that I need to take care of, or the more that things start messing up..it’s a problem. I wish it would all come together oh so smoothly, but everything is a process…it will come together, it just needs to run its course I guess.

All this shit piling up all at once and at the last minute doesn’t stress me out, it just angers me. I don’t worry about it because worry would be a waste of my time, effort, and imagination…but I get angry at it because of how it all comes up. I know things will work their course, it’s not a big deal or sweat off of my balls, it will get taken care of…if you start to stress it will only do more harm, physically and mentally.

If you think I’ve been mean to you because I’m “stressing out”, it’s not because I’m stressing out, it’s because you deserve it…and just like how the world threw all that shit at me to break my back, you’re failed attempts at being a good person to me broke as well.

Here’s one of my BIGGEST concerns..I told people 160 days ago that I was leaving..yeah, 160 if not more. You’d be surprised by the staggering number of people who have made, or not made, arrangements with me. They like to push it off to the last minute, you know, when all my shit is hitting the fan and I’m trying to get the fuck out of Dodge..

These are the same people who “want to see me” so badly…yet, I must cater to their needs and find them?! They can’t make the time for me, to come and see me or hang out for lunch, yet, they can check into a bar every night on facebook with their other friends? That type of shit pisses me off. NO I will not come to you, NO I will not make the arrangements with you..I’M the one leaving, if you care, you would have seen me by now. To those arrogant sons of bitches I say GFY.

I hope to god they don’t have the balls to show up to my going away party that I put together, stress on the I because even my closest friends couldn’t organize their daily routines.

Other than that, just random bullshit...I've got so much to say, so little time to do so...but I need to keep writing..I can't not write while I'm at "camp" - Need to keep going strong with this...oh my god, I leave in nine days....Holy God. This is going to change my life in a zillion different ways. I must be nuts.

What stresses me out is my room being irregular.

"When it rains it pours, and since it's winter it's an ice-storm...Icepoclypse indeed.."

A Break

from you..
not from me...

it may be 2am, but i'm doing this...

i know, i know...i know what you're going to say..."way to keep up with the daily blogging" - well, if that is the case, then i'm happy you've been checking in on me...to be honest, i've got a lot on my plate, figuratively of course, right now all i have on my plate is some leftover pretzel from rock bottom i heated up in the microwave moments ago. but apart from food, there's plenty of crap i am dealing with - maybe my sickness was a pre-emptive nervous breakdown...gearing me up for what i'm facing with now.

my head is doing a spring cleaning of sorts and right now i feel as disorganized as fuck - and for those who know me, know that that ain't good. if my life had any direction whatsoever before, which it really did not, unless you count the standard not knowing what i'm doing thing, then this is a hundred times worse.

i have come to terms with i have nothing but options open, which is true, but the other truth is, after laying out my options and my desires, i find that i'm really just getting older...older...i want to do this, and i want to do that...if i could go back a few years, i could do it all...but i'm getting older, and older isn't better...i'm not a fine wine...and my knees are about to go

i've been re-reading some past blogs...the ones from *gasp* september of last year...my writing was pretty good...well, a couple posts are in my favorite category..because they are told like a story...i got that from reading - it makes me wanna read the waiter rant again..just to get my writing style back, though i'd get bitched at for making extremely long blog posts...

i'm going to keep this one short, just a filler for now..like i said, there's a lot on my mind, so there should be a lot more to come...stay tuned

"defrost? defrost! how many times am i gonna have to cook this thing...that's it, i don't care if it's finished or not, i'm eating this cold pretzel!"

Too Cold

temps go down
anger goes up

and i do not have time for this....

ughhh, i hate the cold - i've said it before, i'll say it some more...the older i get the less tolerable the cold is - and a lot of people will scoff because i'm only in my twenties...well, you know the plethora of saying's, "Life is too short to deal with winter or drink cheap beer"

i hate the winter for a number of reasons, mainly, the cold...the cold affects every facet of my life and anything that makes me change my life i am not a fan of. Now i am a fan of layers and long sleeves, pants, etc - hell, when i was in hawai'i the only thing that made me not seem like a tourist was the fact i wore a jacket and pants when i went out in the 70 degree weather..just like the natives.. But what i hate is wearing too many layers, obtrusive layers, gloves that make everyday functions more difficult...bundling up..fuck all that..

and what i don't like is how simple functions or activities cannot be done...a simple task of taking the trash to the dumpster or getting the mail now takes too much effort, what with the getting 6 layers of clothes on when all you wanna do is lay around on the couch all day in your boxers...the thought of doing all that makes me not even do it...i wanted to put the xmas decorations back into storage that's connected to our patio, but it's taken me til now to do it because i never wanted to get bundled up for such a small project...

i'm sure the studies will show places where the temps drop to below freezing vs places that do not, you will see a significant difference in the rates of depression, and even suicide. now i've always said i would never want to move to california or florida or anywhere warm like that, that doesn't have the seasonal change i am used to - all in all because it would mess with my head to be celebrating xmas and have there be no snow on the ground...but you know what...fuck all that...

this is just a rant about how i hate the cold..i know most of you will just use the line, if you don't like it, then change it...well...it's in the works, so fuck all you

"If i can't put my top down on my convertible all year, i'm not living here"