Double, Double

Dribble,

Vision,

Standards...

People are not what the seem to be.  At least that what it seems to me.  Lately I've been finding myself at the end of many mouth canons, receiving oral ammunition fired at me.  I've done my best to dodge those bullets, but given the onslaught of muzzle fire, my quick wittedness could only last so long.  And as I lay there dying to believe what's been interjected as a possibility of reality, that my gig was up, and time wasn't on my side...I start deliberating up some sort of change or acceptance.  Then, when they think I've lost sight, I eye their mistake.

There's several ways in which you can classify people:  There's those who play devil's advocate and call out everyone on everything.  I'm amoung those in that select category.   There's those who just take it.  And then there's those who only call people out when actually they are to blame.  This is a fun category.  These people try to play the system to make it seem like they have good intentions, like they are asking the questions to protect themselves, they are not at wrong...and if they are playing the second group it usually works out for them...but the truth is, it's their guilty conscience that manifests all the questions, all the accusations, all the anger.

It's because they know they are doing something wrong, something they wouldn't want done to them; and if they have the ability to do it to someone, what's stopping that someone from doing it right back without their knowledge.  These people are scum.  Not only are they the ones out there actually performing the nefarious acts,  they have the audacity to inculpate the ones who have done no wrong, the ones who have stood there, by their side...

I fucking hate people is what it comes down to.  People are idiots, and all they want to do is turn the tables on you.  Their situation is never called into question, yet every one of yours is.  And even given the chance to try and bring matters of theirs forward, it's turned around and blamed on you, naturally.

I could sit here and preach about how this person did this or that person did what...but I don't have the patience for that..it's saturday, and I want to do things, even if that includes nothing.  Maybe Season Five of Californication was right...maybe sometimes you just have to sit back and not say anything..not counter..not fight...sometimes you just have to take the call

And so this time, the penalty is on me.

"Trying to bite my tongue, but that's more pain than its worth, so I'll just say 'fuck you' and be done"

You...

make..
me..

sick...

And not in the good way sick either, if there even is such a thing..I'm talking about the type of sickness that births fire from my core and lets it burst out in a rage of furry...the type of sickness that makes me want to punch something..the type of sickness that makes me hate you.

It sickens me to see you getting your jollies like you are...duping those all around you. Fuck, I was called manipulative once, but you, you sir take the fucking cake. Playing with other's emotions isn't cool..so sit there in your "heartbreak" fessing over how you can't go further, when in reality you just hop from new person to new person..your nickname should be Tigger with all the bouncing you do.

But it's cool, being a social butterfly is one thing, doing what you do is another. I was right to say "I remember the way you told me you loved me - how the words would slip off your tongue so smoothly. But maybe that was only because you had said it so many times. Not only to me, but to others. I don't know what made me realize that maybe it wasn't all a lie."

At least my lies were actually the truth...and my bullshit doesn't sting as badly as yours..

...so, look who's the liar now.










"A friend to all is a friend to none...."

Con..

Cuss..
..ion

noooooooooooooo

I think everyone hyped it up, now it's been implanted into my head that I have a concussion...sure I got into an accident..and I've been sleepy all day...and after I showered I found a bump on my head from where I hit it.....and my neck is sore....and i'm getting a little nauseous..

this is all because i read up on concussions!

my stupid mother tells me i have a concussion, then everyone tells me to go to the ER, and i'm all like, i'm fine, i've been in accidents before..i'm ok!

seriously...this is all in my head, sure i hit my head, but everything here is self implemented, self-induced

or maybe i do have a concussion...i don't know, it goes away though...the treatment is nothing..bed rest and Tylenol...I got this.

in other news, this concussion is clouding my thoughts - or i'm just scared about losing someone

in other news, this concussion is making my stomach turn - or i'm just scared about the sudden change of attitude

in other news, this concussion is breaking my heart...










"Symptoms include...everything that November makes me feel, awesome detecting this one guys.."

The System

I used to believe..
..but not anymore

it only protects those it shouldn't

I used to believe in working things through the set designed course-path, the system; but no longer...I forgot to add in the element that people could lie, even under oath. This Wednesday I went to court for my dog, a dog I purchased, loved, cared for, and had to temporarily let him go...all because some dumb bitch would not give him back. She lost me so she took the one thing I had in my life that I cared for, more than her, more than anything else, my dog.

Prior to any court dates, anybody who heard of the story has shown a general dislike to said girl, and told me to just show up to her doorsteps and take my dog back. I responded with that's not how things work, obviously there is a system in place for these reasons, I will go through the necessary hula hoops and get my dog back that way.

I figured if I go to court, tell my side, what more is there to it? Oh right, I didn't add in the fact she's a fucking lying bitch...my bad. So I have to go to court, on her grounds, with her daddy acting as her representation, in a place where he's on the board or chairman or some political shit like that...even though I was the plantiff, it was definitely an away game.

As she was called as a witness I was disgusted by the rehearsed dialogue spewing onto the courtroom floor. Her daddy holding her hand, guiding her words as he asked the questions for responses he already planned out. When asked by my friends why didn't I just lie, I said because the truth was better than any lie I could ever come up with, at least on my end.

The judge too was not on my side, not wanting to hear the story, only taking in what the defense said, disregarding half of my evidence I gave up midway through my fight. I kept my composure all the way up to one point where I finally had enough of the lies and could not take it any more. She gave a rehearsed legal term as to why she was withholding the dog from me and I burst out a loud "NO!" to which of course the judge said something to me about.

I came with a plan of attack, I had my documents, my defense, my truths...but I know it wasn't enough to match the evilness of lies told by the defense. I'll receive a judgment in 4-6 weeks, and frankly, I'm not looking forward to it. I do not have time to drive 10 hours round trip to play lawyer and have people make a mockery of the legal system using loopholes and lies.

I know she will read this, she still cyber stalks me, and I could not care less what she reads...I'm sure she'll use this against me in court too...or maybe sue me for defamation of character because I called her cunt, what the fuck ever.

I don't care anymore. I lost my dog to a person I entrusted him with, that was my mistake...and the cost was realizing that people will do great things out of spite, the cost was realizing that the person you thought you knew was a spineless scumbag reserved for the deepest depths of hell, the cost of my innocence that the system worked for good, not bad.

I never got a chance to tell her fuck off, so here it is now.










"he made me out to be a Michael Vick dog hating bastard...yeah well I fucked his daughter...in the ass"

Day Light Savings

More time to drink
More time to fuck up

I wake up on the couch and locate my phone underneath me to see what time it is..830 something...but what’s this...why has my phone been blown up over the night...6 missed calls, 2 voicemails, 11 texts....what did I miss?

5 missed calls, along with the 2 voicemails are from an 812 number that is not in my phone, what’s up with that? I figure someone just had the wrong number so I listen to the voicemails, half in it half out...the standard, “hey it’s me” starts off the message and I don’t recognize the voice...until the end...oh my god, she fucking called me...the ex fucking called me...listen to the next message...basically the same thing...she wanted to talk me to, she wanted me to call because it was urgent, like seriously important...

it’s funny that I just defended myself the other night against if she were to come back into my life would I get back with her...she may not have said “Jason I love you” or anything close to that, but as she ended the second message, the way the word “K” drunkingly slides off her tongue makes me melt a little...

the texts are not from her, random twitter updates - that mobile update shit is gonna stop - in part as to why I muted my phone last night...how ironic...i muted my phone and then the ex calls...it was probably for the best..

I go back to sleep, but my mind is compiling everything that just happened, so naturally she’s in my dream...i’m not happy nor rested when I wake to my alarm a little bit later.

I arrive at work for my 1030 shift and after thinking it over all morning long I finally send a text to the random number and the ex’s number stating “Hope everything is ok” - I’m a sucker for those I know in need...knight in shining armor syndrome I guess..i’m a softie because I care too much and I’ll do anything I can to make something right...i figured my response was just enough, not too much just a quick sentence, and it’s something so it is more than nothing...i get a response from the unknown number an hour later asking who I was...i tell them that the waste called me from that number last night and I was just replying to her, who is this...never got a response....the kicker would be if it was her new bf’s....

So then there was work...it was dead in the beginning...i just polished wine glasses for the better part of the day...management let two employees on break til 3 and then I was supposed to go..one of them said they would come back at 2 so I could actually get a break...i just wanted a chance to eat or it down..tonight is going to be hell....we are going to do something like 200 covers in 2 hours...our kitchen is going to crash, I know it..

Two o’clock comes and goes...i have a couple tables, but I want to eat....it’s nearing three and the dinner crowd is piling in, getting in the way as I am actually trying to work now that I got three tables in three different parts of the restaurant so I am not weeded, just a little bit hustling....”if you’re not on the clock, get the fuck out of the alley and out of my damn way - get your fucking food and head up to the room like the fucking animals you are!” - I love it when I get mad..and I think people do too...

It’s after three, I see the person who was supposed to relieve me finally walk in the door...cool, pre-shift has already started, I still have tables, and I’m about to get sat for my dinner rotation..fuck my life.

The restaurant fills up quickly, I got three tables I am working, but I’m not weeded like everyone else, in fact, I’m bored...i really don’t feel like helping out tonight though, too tired and I got fucked over, so I slowly meander from place to place, just out of eyeshot from management and those who give the look like they need a swarm or hands...i turn my tables quickly, the hosts are happy, I’m the only person who hasn’t complained to the host team yet so they are grateful with me..

My new turn however does effect me, at first..if I wanted to give my standard service, I would have been in a jam, I start to feel behind, but that quickly dissipates as my tables are trying to go the Colts game..saved, they give me their entire orders as I great them, multiple courses? - great, everything is getting run in at the same time...

It’s 8 and the restaurant is almost empty except for a few scattered tables, obviously oblivious to the game..of course one of which is mine...i fight to get my sets and sidework completed as my last table orders desserts...i’ve been there the longest and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be there any longer than I have to..

I get home something short of 10, and Gary grabs me to go to Bdubs with him..don’t worry we stayed in indy this time...the bloody marys weren’t the same, but I had two regardless...i check my facebook and email and all that crap on my phone while gary watches the colts pull a victory out of their asses...oh my god no....she requested my friendship on facebook...are you kidding me? And what a great profile picture....

I like to keep exes as friends on facebook just so I can see what whorible people they develop into..i mean look at THE EX, she got all fat and ugly...and dykey...it makes me feel better to know I got in when the getting was good....i’m not adding her right now...

Back home I am still upset about the place looking like a mess...i go straight to my room and close the door...this causes me to pass out relatively early for myself...but still it was the next day...

“You know what the difference between you and a cocksucker is? - Nothing! Now get the fuck out of my way!”