Just Sore

gearing up..
for the wind down..

I'm trying to get back on track with this blogging thing..it seems, even though as much as i may have bitched, things went a lot better for me...i was getting better schedules, better shifts, life was just shitty...now..well, now everything is shitty, even my piss...

i'll go back to "day-logging" because as long i am ranting and telling my daily run-arounds i'm doing something...and isn't that what most blogs are anyways...isn't that what made 'the waiter' so famous...so i'll turn around to my back pages, stealing something from myself, a road traveled many a times that has proven to have worked for me...

this holiday season has really been lackluster for me and my restaurant...besides being only schedule 3 days - granted it is 5 shifts - suck ass shifts - i haven't worked a Friday or Saturday night in over a month...i've been scheduled more lunch shifts than dinner shifts every week, and now that the lunches are projected to be busier than dinner, i have but two lunch shifts...it's like they are maliciously trying to fuck me...

i've been starting to go to the gym...i'm not sure what has really motivated me, maybe it's the guys i live with going all the time, maybe it's something to do because i don't work any more, maybe i can try out for the Detroit lions next season...nahh, they've got a good team...browns would be more up my alley..

an addendum to my last blog - no physical 6 packs..you can have abs of steel that's fine, you can be in shape, cool...but defined muscles are such a turn off - in addition to the family thing, the mother's must like me...only in my history have two mother's of girls i was seeing not liked me...i no longer speak to those two girls (like mother, like daughter...no matter how much you say you aren't like her...) - i said it in my comments but in highschool we had a system take the girl's IQ and subtract her weight, the higher the positive number, the better she scored..no cat lovers..must love dogs....

i hate that my right calf keeps twitching...i hate being in pain, but i get a kick out of what i do i guess...i hate the cold..it seems as if every year i experience the cold, the less i get used to it and the more i come to hate it...this makes me believe any possible thought of moving to the city i so love would never happen...love conquers all, except temperature...

i hate that these daily vitamins turn my pee into highlighter yellow...i swear it's worse than radioactive...i bet if you turn off the lights you'd see my piss glowing in the dark.. a nice trail from the bathroom to my room - you know, because i walk around naked, and i don't shake it when i'm done..i just let it drip as i walk back into my room...

my TV is busted, came that way, so now i am having a technician come and take a look at it tomorrow...coooool...if anything goes right for me, it happened in the past...

for those of you who were kept up to date or followed the drama that was my exgirlfriend, you missed yet another great chapter into her book about two weeks ago...as much as i would like to say, that's the last you've heard from her..just like a horrible B horror movie...the evil monster never dies just once..so she had her sequel...but what scary movie ends on just two..

that's all i got for right now...tomorrow i work a double, so coool...one of my three days, two of my five shifts, seven out of the nine things in my life that are causing my stress...

"if you're gonna do what you want, why even ask other's for their advice"

i wake up again, freezing, afraid to pull the covers over to me but as i start to tug they easily hop over..i look at my phone, it's 831, i look to my left, nobody there..wait...then why weren't the covers thrown on me..i'm angered..it's either a goodbye or covers...i got neither, jerks....

back to sleep..awake again at 10..back to sleep...awake at noon..that's more like it..

A Dog Bit my Throat...

Picking it up..
Piecing it together

it's noon...my alarm is going off, and people are getting up...even though we just went to bed a mere three hours ago..not to mention we stopped drinking a mere three hours ago as well..amazing. if i want to get a ride home, i have to get up at this very moment for Hilary is my means of transportation and her bus is about to leave.

i try to gather my things, i still have to be drunk i swear - even if last night i had some sobering moments. i can't find my keys, where are my keys, did i even bring my keys, what's up with my keys...there's a small dog barking at me, it wants to kill me...wait, when did a dog get into the house..in three hours we obtained a dog and i was completely unaware of it...fuck my keys, just take me home, i'll use my spares.

throughout the ride back to my place, i questioned whether it was the smartest idea...was Hilary still drunk as well? she was blowing through red lights and swerving in and around cars..i knew i was gonna die today, but i didn't think it would be caused by a car accident. i didn't panic as much as i would normally have, i like to thank the alcohol for that one..one good thing it has done for me...

i get back to my place, locate the spares to use on the door, and proceed into my room. i try to recollect what has happened in the past 12 hours as i unpack my bags..it's after 1 and i am supposed to work at 330..coool

i get ready and head into work....i enter though the back door and start to switch out my jackets when i already have people coming up to me making comments about last night...i've been there for just a minute, i just put my bag down, and already, really...this is going to be an awesome shift...

the conversations people are having aren't about anything other than the fight, so i'm pretty much out of that scene..but i speak up only because i hate when the rumor mill starts, so i, as the eye witness who lived it out, try to make everyone clear on what really happened...this ends up backfiring when people realize i had my own scuffle with that one guy...

work was one big lame bust...we were short of 100 covers to start the evening off, but we were projected to get a crazy pop just like we did last night..those words curse us everytime...i was on a team pooling again...we had a 14 top and 8 top plotted in our two rooms...but the 14 went down to a 12 and the 8 went to a 6 and wanted a round table..so we just had the 12 and open seating in the other room...i had one table, a two top, that had i not been pooling, i would have rented one of the rooms at the hotel next door to hang myself from the shower nozzle...

the two that were sat were regulars at an older restaurant wherein one of the hosts actually took care of them a lot..the host told me three things, keep the ice teas full because they go through a lot, they will split everything, but they also tip very well...well, i wish i could say two out of three isn't bad except when the third thing out was the tipping...their bill was 108.48...they had one of those American Express vouchers for $100 off, so the bill was just the 8.48....i dropped off the adjusted check...they walk out shortly after and i thank them..i saw them pulling out cash to pay the rest with so i know all is well...or not...i walk to the table and find ten dollars..wait..ten..i..did i just make a dollar and fifty-two cents off that table...i fly up to the host stand outraged and show that host who thought he knew it all...he was amazed, he tried to apologize but it wasn't his fault...wasn't his fault people are fucking old and senile...i try to think the best of the situation, maybe they forgot that they didn't pay..maybe this...try to see the good in people

i take a break, walk away....i sit in the back at IRD and reflect upon how i would have reacted if this were in the past, like if i were at JR, or the OG, or anywhere else...i know had this happened at JR, given the time of day and adding in all the other bullshit i would have already been facing that day, as i exited the backdoor of the building my hands would have gone straight to my hip, my coin changer would have been launched into the air, hitting the side of the storage semi next to the big green trash bins, my hat and glasses would have been next to fall suit, going straight to the ground, and my hands would have gripped onto my crazy hat hair and pulled everso hard..throw out some expletives and and just breath...that was any given day at JR, that's all i can remember from that place...

like i said, today it isn't that big a deal..we got a party, we have a contracted minimum we will get tipped off of..i smile and shrug it off..and as much as i just want to call it a night and stop working altogether, i figure i'll just go ahead and do all the sidework and sets for my group since i am literally stealing their money tonight...

the night ends and i make a bill..what's funny is looking back on my table, given the tip i received, i would not have had enough money to tip out one single person of the three i was supposed to tip out..i love paying to work somewhere...

Hilary worked tonight as well....she was actually fifteen minutes late for her 6:00 shift and the hosts were talking shit about her in light of that..apparently she had already tried to call off for the day, but due to the fact people have big mouths, word got out that the night didn't end at the bars last night and in fact we were still up til 9 drinking...there's like four bad things in that last sentence that nobody was supposed to know about...as mentioned before her BF doesn't want her to go out, to go out drinking, to be around other guys, to be around other guys drinking, to stay somewhere else, and so forth....oh, did i mention her BF works next door...

i tell Hilary that the cover has been blown and we just need to be careful, try to kill this thing fast..it doesn't help that it's tied into the fight story now either...i don't need a marine wanting to kick my ass...again...

i make a stop at home quickly, gathering some items before i head back over to Gary and Phil's place - it's now my second home. Phil has yet to hear the story from the night before as he went to bed early..it's epic, but can only be discussed in the walls in which it happened. Phil's gf is over and i apologize in advance for the profanity and topics of discussion that are about to go down....

the story, in full takes an hour to retell..of course with random side stories that have nothing to do with anything and the interjections posed by Phil....after that it was pretty much lights out...the plans to get drunk and have a repeat of last night fell threw..two nights of drinking til after 7am in less than a week isn't bad...or is it?

"when did i eat corn?"

Let's Forget About Today

because i certainly did...
or am trying to..

So after getting the taste of alcohol on my palate Thursday, going out three nights in a row prior to that, the continued feeling of wanting to 'fuck shit up' on Friday, not getting to do a damn thing Saturday, i got my wishes today...

my day started off early, i was in some sort of mood though, one that would last throughout the day. i wasn't angry, or cocky, some may say funk, but it's not like that..i cant quite explain it...i'll just tell my stories..

today is in my day of rotation to shave - i shave every other day, just because i hate to shave, and so does my face. i can get away with it, what with having light colored hair and all. i make my way to the bathroom, needing to shower before i shave, but i look in the mirror, pause, and say fuck it...i showered just hours ago so i really don't need one at this moment and head back to my bed..ughhh, 7am is so early...

i don't know what it is with me, i could sleep for 6 hours or 18 hours and still not want to get up, they say breaking up is hard to do, i'd change that to 'waking up is hard to do'...i've never been a morning person because of this, my juices get flowing in the night. maybe it's the fact i have to face reality once again, my dreams are over, back to the grind, same ol same ol, nothing special - maybe its that mentality that makes me not want to get up or out of bed...or maybe its just natural.

i arrive to work at 8, my section is the patio, and i'm the only one on it til 10, this might actually turn out to be a decent shift. it's a beautiful day out so i quickly set up the patio, piecing it together, throwing table cloths all over the place, trying to hurry so i can get the breakfast crowd in my station. it's not long before it starts to happen...and before i know it i had an eight top, three deuces, and a one top...the patio is half full at this point, more tables are coming out but the host staff feels that's enough for me....everyone else inside is just standing around, hating me for the most part because i walk in and get the majority of the covers...for once it was good to be on patio...

lunch was the opposite - i had two other servers on the patio with me, plus we had the cocktail lounge...and for some reason i always wind up taking care of the tables there..we were supposed to pool, but as the day grew on so did the tension of the staff...the other breakfast guy i was working with and i were cut, the third of our group was to stay...but then the third was told to go on break, and my breakfast partner was told he wasn't cut....our SA left before we could tip him out, then the third in our group left without pooling our money together..it was a mess..

as i am checking out, Sean is about ready to leave and asks me what my plans are..of course i have none, so he invites me to hang with him and watch the game..i oblige - even if he is a hardcore demoncrat - we get along very well though..the destination, Hooters...honestly, that place could not exist and i wouldn't notice, sorry Dpants.

we arrive and sit on the rail, or whatever it is, opposite the bar..i now know why Sean comes here, he knows practically everyone in here, from wait staff to patrons...the drink of choice is Killians, good ol game watching beer. there was a point in the afternoon i would have cut myself off, i would have slowed down..but the beer kept on coming, i don't know if Sean was asking for it for himself, for both of us, or the girls just wanted to make me worthless, but the drinks kept coming, and who am i to turn down a drink.

i go over my drink limit, i'm beyond the point of return, might as well keep chugging, literally. i haven't been drunk in awhile - sure i've drank, but drunk....my birthday..and before that, Disney...that is my life. i can't explain why i fell out of the drinking scene, it wasn't like i took a stand against it, i just kinda exited out the backdoor and nobody took notice, not even myself.

after the fourth or fifth round of beers were finished Sean decides to mix it up..liquor - i know, horrible idea right? i oblige, trying not to look like a pansy here, hell, maybe it was i who suggested or pushed for it, i can't recall. i order my normal G&T, but they were out of tonic, so my only other option (in my head i can only think about two drinks while intoxicated, the one i have, and the one i want..usually the same thing) is to go for a makers and sprite. before i know it, i'm sipping the last bit of liquid out of my second glass...

the check comes per request of Sean, i don't even wanna think about how much we drank...but the bill only reflects thirty dollars - half of which were the two pasta salads we ate...wow, i can see why this guy keeps coming back. since we got the hook up, we returned the favor, 100% tips are always appreciated.

we depart and i start my walk back to my car, i put on my sunglasses, not to hide the sun, but to hide my eyes from passerbys on the sidewalk. my dilated pupils are enough to frighten most people. i pull out my phone, ughh, you know what's gonna happen here..

i tell myself i'm gonna call every number in my phone - this is a little better now seeings how just last week i updated the address book, removing half the contacts that were in there, still leaving me with slightly over 100 though. i call Joy, leave a message...I call TJ...leave a message, does the world know i am drunk or something?

i hold that thought momentarily while i drive back home, probably the only thing to stop me from using my cell phone while driving is alcohol, thats probably for the better...

i make it home, it's 6..i'd been drinking for the past 4 hours, my body is going to hate me...inside my place i lay in bed and continue the calling...i call Lady O (aka dream girl in my phone) she answers. i chat it up with her, we do some catching up, i swear this call lasted an hour..she asked me how things were with 'facebook drama girl', asked about my father's trip, i start to think in my head how does she know, or partially know some of the things she is making mention to...could it be possible that Lady O reads the blog too? she tells me she's gonna finish up her, shhhhhh cooking, and give me a call back in a few hours, fair enough...

i wake up an hour later...i'm sitting in the dark, yes sitting, sitting where i was when Lady O ended our call, right on the toilet. i try to gather my senses, but i'm drunk, officially...i decide to possible let someone else use the bathroom seeings how this is the only one in the house, and make my way into my room. as i crash into bed my phone rings, it's TJ..i can't recall what we talked about, i just think the conversation was quick...i pass back out...

it's 11:30 and i'm waking up for the second time tonight...i feel like shit moreso only because my body aches, it's funny to me that the only thing not in pain is my feet, the one thing that was hurting earlier today..but now everything else hurts to move. i'm not going to be able to go to sleep forever tonight..and that's all i really wanna do, that and remove the metallic taste from my mouth...

i suppose if i could make two highlights from this evening it would be that i didn't puke (i hate throwing up, and dry heaving is the worst) and i didn't call the ex...thankfully my ambition to dial everyone lasted for only three calls...i think you all can thank Lady O for that one, she had possession of the ball and milked the clock til it was all over...nice strategy...

in other news i found out today that Joy has been reading the blog, i didn't think she was reading it, i just thought she followed my status updates on facebook and talked to me..i mean, i do know it is advertised on every profile i have on the internet, but still...it's not a bad thing that she reads it, no, i mean, that's part of the idea behind a blog, to have people read the shit you write..i just didn't think she did..i go over in my head any asinine thing i may have said in here..and of course she lets me know while i'm piss drunk - i can't defend myself, my words, nothing without my mind fully functioning..i don't even remember what i say to her via texts nor the voicemail i left her, and i do not want to...it probably wasn't the right thing at all, and it probably just made matters worse...

i think she questioned as to why i call her Joy, maybe she did, maybe i am making this up, who knows, but i'll continue for my betterment...i don't use real names, everyone with the exception of TJ has a pseudonym...it's usually a play on their original name or some crafty nickname i gave them...it's gotten to the point where i actually had to make a list of real names and their counterparts to reference so i could correctly use them in the blog.

but to get all heart felt and sentimental, here's the explanation...despite Joy's situation, past or present, no matter what is going on around her, even if she is about to have a breakdown, she still possesses that bit of joy to her...maybe i'm the only one who notices, but she could call me upset at the world, and all i would hear is the bliss of her soul. she's always brought happiness to me (even though she may have left me at CP and it saddened me..it was needed). we've gone months without talking to one another, for whatever reason, nothing bad just situational i suppose, but when we do talk, we pick it all up like we haven't missed a beat. she's a great woman who's been there for me in the past three years...it's also my mother's middle name - though my mother may hate it, and though my mother and i aren't very close, Joy gives me a sense of a motherly love i suppose in a way...

she brings out the joy in me and that is why i named her Joy.

"What's your tolerance like, cuz you sound fine right now..."