Fuck This Place...
I'm Back to the Hell that is My Life.....

So as you can tell, I'm a little disgruntled about returning..in fact I didn't want to leave. You know while I was down at Zach's, nothing bothered me....All my troubles were virtually gone, I had a clear conscious, and it wasn't something a contact high could achieve or cause..Those two days (something like that Friday night til Sunday afternoon..) were like a vacation, one of the best I've had in a long while..It's what I needed, it's what I wanted, or should I say it's something I want now, yeah that works...

But as I was saying, I was at zach's..nobody from Lowell called me (ok wait, but that was random and I put the phone on the table because I was eating...) but no calls, no problems, no harassment..Everything was great, living it up at the casa de anarchy....I mean yeah, things did start to get mentioned, but nothing developed, dragged on, brought me down, the topics ended quickly, probably from everyone's ADHD, but still, I was good...

As I came back to Lowell I was disappointed, I didn't want to come back but I had to..I started realizing what I had down there and I started getting angry..But the angry peaked when I got near the 240 exit...I saw Flying J's in the distant and, again, BAM..I was angry..I cursed everything...I fucking hate Lowell, I fucking the truckstops, I fucking hate the memories, I fucking hate 65, I fucking hate it all...I was livid beyond a doubt...That's partly why I fell asleep when arriving in Lowell...My angerness leads to tiredness..plus I wanted to escape the harsh reality I was coming back to..hoping that I would awake and be on my way to work, a place tat can cheer me up, but also has it's bad days..

So what am I getting at....Good Goff, if we only knew..Are these feelings normal..I mean I know in all relationally I would miss this place if I were to leave it, I would have to..I would have to visit, good places, good memories...So is this just a stage, am I made about a worthless life that I am living???What's the deal, do I just fucking want change or just my life to change because it is so terrible?