"You seem like a nice guy..but here's a little bit of advice....."

So, ever hate it when people just know something is wrong wtih you? Well I've been getting that more and more often, well basically the past week or so. I'm not acting any different than normal, working steady, if not harder, doing my thing, not moping around or slacking, but i'm kinda keeping to myself as well. i guess one draw back is somethign does have to get messed up, work hard, keep to self, or work slowly yet kinda are still yourself, whatever.

so people have been noticing, and asking what's up. is something wrong, did i make you mad, this and that, people are concerned i guess, apparently i have to always be the life of the party for the backroom, can't just work hard and be quiet. so they know something's up, but can't erally put their finger on it, and i just go about my business as if everything's fine....

For break today, instead of sitting in the normal training room, i took my all my stuff and went in the corner of TSC where nobody could find me. one thing i thought was funny was it didn't take but a couple minutes for people to see the guitar was gone and start looking for me...yeah people who actually cared went to find me when i wasn't in the normal place, unlike some inhumane fucks i know..grrr..sorry...and another funny thing with that is more than half of those people are in the training room because of me, i know that may sound arrogant, but it's the truth, let me explain....

we always used to sit out at food avenue, then when we had food events we would go to the training room. well it kept on flip flopping every day wehere we would sit, so i finally got tired of moving around, like talking with the normal two people who sat in the training room, and lowe and behold, those who used to sit with me at food avenue, now only sit in the training room. i think we have 15+ people there on average a night, that's a good chunk, especially for that room.

even after break, my back room team lead started taslking to me as we threw up boxes, asking me where i went, iof everything was ok, this and that...then she goes, "you know you're the only reason why i started sitting in there to begin with" somethign along those lines...but it's true, you started debating, talking, voicing opinions on this and that, and it draws a crowd..people litteraly come to sit just for the expirience..../and now that i got a guitar, they want a concert every night, though those unapreciative F's don't like the music i like...

but from aside all that, i do my thing..no big deal...i mean it's killing me inside, and only some can see that come out in me....as for the silence treatment, still receiving it from everyone listed before...my mother i could care less about, she'll come around if she does, i made an effort at the time of silence, then she took off, i movce on....as for the coworker, i made the last effort for contact, after she took off one night, i called the cell so maybe she would be able to voice an opinion in a more private surrounding like on the cell phone, she didn't answer, nor replied back to the voicemail..so everything is justified in my mind and i will now play this thrid grader game of silence treatment, both with my mom and the coworker, whom i really don't have to work with....but i will not play the game with brooke...i'm sorry but we are past this, w should be able to talk to one another, or give a final statement, anything...

how do you think i feel to find out that she is in town for the weekend, from her sister...and not getting a phone call saying sh's in town, or a suprise visit..adn when you call her, it sounds like she's mad at you for doing so, and says she has to go, and just repeats that over and over, then finally says goodbye and hangs up. i don't efven know if i did something wrong, she won't even tell me let alone talk to me. she spent more than 72 hours here in lowell, only minutes away from me..and she avoided me at all costs...

so when somebody says, give them space, or give her space, or somethign along those lines, what the hell does that mean? what, stop trying to figure out why the person won't talk to you, is mad at you, whatever, so that it is easier to forget about you and move on to someone else..wow, that was a lot of venting right there..once agian my pre-appologies are conming up right now, and now's time for the present appologies..and we're good..

i'm sorry, i'm just so confused and lost and...and...my november's closing in on me agian....