Day 12

Everyone Up in My Bizness...
But they all got my back

yo


Basically my day could be summed up in a series of quotes...but would probably also need to be explained..

So today was Friday, you know how I knew, you guessed it, they served pizza at lunch. It was a typical day, just like the rest...I got down to the wheelhouse right at 6 only to find out I wasn't put on the schedule that morning, and that I was supposed to stay downstairs in 'study groups'..but I had left all my books upstairs...so what did I do, went back to my room and fell back asleep..

I came down at 735, saw the group of people studying and joined them as if I hadn't been gone for almost two hours..shortly after I sat with them, Randall - this guy in charge of us in the morning - started to randomly give out answers to our final on Sunday, talk about perfect timing.


*****And i Stopped again...whatevs...****








"G-Jason, did you get a good package? - J-I got a great package - pause..."

Day 11

It's Electric...
And my real power shows...

Sometimes I wonder what it's all worth

Another day came and went, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the day prior, so all things said that must be good right? Let’s see..started the day same as I have every other day this week..getting up around 530 to go to 'work' at 6..drying off trays til 8, class til 11 and then lunch...but this time, for whatever reason I was dead tired, so I decided to take a nap in those two hours..my roommate however, woke me up with a persistent knocking at the door...it seemed as if you had left his key in the room...but more importantly his pack of cigarettes, which he ran to retrive..ughh

So back to class I went at 1...we had an activity to do for the entire second half of class, ranging from proper re-clothing of a table, to setting up the table and breaking it back down...oh and the fun part of lining all the tables and chairs in the entire dining room in straight lines...whatever, I was standing up so it was a good thing...

We were dismissed early at 4 because andrea had to get ready for the graduation ceremony..hey, no complaints from me..so instead of going to dinner, I decided it best to go work out first, then go to dinner around 6...brilliant plan, all worked out well.

The gym is funny to me..i get there, ride a bike for 15 minutes, then I am left wondering what I should be doing..so I meander about trying to look like I fit into this crazy world, picking up weights, walking around with them, stretching, hopping onto machines I just saw someone get off of..whatever..then I go into the sauna, all is well in there, getting all sweaty only to come back to my room to shower

****once again I stopped******

**but let's see...I remember late in the evening jenny wanted to get online, so we headed over to the east wing, the typical computer spot for some reason....so as she played with the slow crappy connection I entertained myself as only I could..

so this place here, piney point, is very dry, I don't know what it is, but everything here is dry...my hands have done cracked and bled over twice now, it's quite scary. But the thing that kills me equally is the static electricity this place generates...without fail I can walk down my hall and when I reach for my doorknob, ZAP, I get shocked...this happens all over this campus

so I started a little experiment, sparked on by a plant..you see I was just walking around and I brushed past one of the potted plants that are scattered about, I figure nothing harmful right..nope...I received on my shoulder one of the biggest and most painful shocks from the leaf of that plant...going all the way through my hoodie and shirt..i don't know how it worked like that, but I tried again and sure as shit, POP, there it was....pain, pain, it frickin' hurt..so that's when I decided to have some fun..

I started walking around and shocking everyone who was sitting in the vicinity of me, what's funny is that they were into too...they were trying to see if they couldn’t get shocked, but nothing they did could alleviate them the shock.

Soon after the crowd thinned out, but the experimenting continued.i tried different things, like taking a shoe off and seeing if could shock with my toe....I came to the conclusion that I could only if the foot I was bare never touched the ground...little things like that make me happy...of course I also experimented to see if another member could create a spark..and let me just forewarn you because I already tried..it does...and it's not a pleasant feeling to get shocked on the tip of your penis..

But apparently nipple shocking is good...and on that note I bid you goodnight.











"fucia"

Day 10

Ughh I Quit...
Well not really

But this place will be the death of me..or so I feel?

Alright..so it's Wednesday, and today wasn't that cool...class work took just as long as it did yesterday, but our instructor andrea was right, it did seem a lot longer...we were let out around 5, but that only because we all needed to go and pick up our shoes...

And then after that it was of course dinner time..but there was a huge line that wrapped around the wheelhouse...and by the time we got our food it was nearing very close to 6, which was time for the "Town Hall Meeting"..so we all basically had to inhale our food, no good, especially since it was mashed potatoes night...ughh, I was soo upset..

So the meeting was a bust, as always..but the kicker was when everyone had to stay and watch a twenty movie about sexual harrasment..even though classes 109 and 110 had already seen it, we were to watch it again...

When all the was finally over I made my way to my room and passed out, I know I know...but I couldn't go workout as the gym would be closing soon, and there wasn't anything else I wanted to do..so I splet..my alarm went off but I went back to sleep...and then I guess jenny came in the room and tickled/poked my foot and I just went off, cursing and whatnot, then went back to sleep....whatever, I was in a bad mood, I was cold, and my dreams were really fucked up..so yeah, bad mood..

I got up at 10, missing sandwich time, but whatever, I was so angry after not really getting a chance to eat my dinner I wasn't hungry? I don't get it...so I just sat in my room, not really wanting to be social, trying to type with my fucked up hands...oh yeah, for some reason or another my hands are just messed up...cracked, infected, sore as hell...ughh, I just hate everything right now...

There was one highlight I suppose today..it was during class our instructor had a little activity for us..we were told to get our jackets and meet out in front of the building..we were then split into two teams and we were to have a tray relay race..the two teams were then divide once again, half of group A and half of group B going to the far side midway point, with the other two halves at the start point..

So everyone was running around the track holding a tray with two plates, even though we weren't supposed to run, everyone did..at one point the other team dropped their tray, yet amazingly nothing broke..that person then picked up everything and just charged for his team..when he got there he again drop everything, this time breaking one plate...we got down to just two runners, kinda..we had four at the start and only two at the mid way point, as did the other team..whoever counted everything out miscalculated the start point and half point numbers…so I having yet to run, went over to the midway point...

I got there and it was down to me and another guy on my team as runners, I told him to go first..for whatever reason I wanted to put myself in the clutch position..as he ran got the handoff and ran around the track, some of the other teams members started to run out in front of him..he, for whatever reason, would not push them out of the way, and did a horrible job of running around them…when he got to the start point, he started walking around..that’s when the team yelled at him to pass it off...

So he makes the handoff and this girl starts power walking my way..i'm checking on the other team who was making up considerable ground on their lap around...I then started to move my beginning postion up to meet her closer for the handoff...she came to me and the hand of was a success...as I spun around with the tray in my hand I saw the other team's last runner coming at me..so in a football-esque move I stiffed armed his tray as I ran by...this being a little difficult as we both were carrying our trays in our right hands, so I had to reach across him with my left to hit the tray, but pull back in enough time to not close line him, because that's just wrong...

Somehow I managed to keep my balance during the impact, and he had half of his team around him to help him regain his balance, but it still was worthwhile in slowing him down for just a moment...

So now it was down to just the two of us..and my team wasn't a bunch of cheaters...the other team however...that's where the 'fun' started..so right after I bumped the last runner, I had to make my way around two teammates from the other team who tried to pull the same stunt they did with my team's other runner..i blew past the first person in a blaze of speed, but the second person had pulled back as a second line of defense and was able to get in position to stall me...

I pulled back, then made a juke and broke their ankles...now it was time to "walk" around the curve. Due to the fact that both our starting and handoff positions on the track were in different places, as well as we were running in opposite directions, it was a little difficult to deduct how close the competition really was..i was afraid to run, as running wasn't allowed, yet I didn't want to slow down because I wanted to win..so back and forth I went, speeding up and slowing down..as I made my way around the turn I saw a line of people like a brick wall in my way of crossing the finish line...I knew I had a little bit of distance on Team A's last runner, so I decided to just take a longer route and run around the mass..as soon as they saw me dart to my right, like polarized electrons three people ran at me...this made me swing out even further - had this been an actual track or even baseball I would have been called out a long time ago...

So as I swung out to avoid the cheating team, I got ever closer to my team, and better yet, the finish line..so I started to make my way back in..by this time the other team was just swatting their arms trying to knock the tray out of my hand and their runner was just reaching my team's area...so as I cut back in, with my arms outstretched to avoid an onslaught, I crossed the finish line and flipped over my tray, crashing it to the ground in some sort of victorious celebration...everyone loved it

******And this is where I apparently stopped...*******











"We are the champions, of tray running"

Day 9

It Was the Best of Times...
It was the blurst of times...

Tuesday came and went as only a Tuesday can do.

The day got off to a great start once again...so yesterday when I had my alarm set for 505, it was set for 505pm...and this morning when I had my alarm set for 505, it was set for 505 am, just not actually set...regardless I still somehow managed to wake up at 515 somehow

I got down to the wheelhouse for 'work' with the hopes that it would be my day off, and low and behold, it was my day off..go me. So I made my way back up to my room to drift in and out of sleep until it was time for class at 8.

The day was long and it was mainly because of the classes...but both the dinner and lunches were excellent..and aimee got her seasoning in the mail, which made everything taste oh so much better..random story about the seasoning though, when she went back to her room after class to get it for dinner, but the seasoning was no longer in the place she had left it in..so we are to believe that someone, aka one of her roommates, stole the seasoning right off her dresser???

Wow..so after dinner I did the most amazing thing...I did not take a nap, yes you read that correctly, I did not take a nap..instead I spent an hour killing time, not reviewing my glossary terms, but getting ready for the gym..

The gym was an alright time..i felt kinda rushed though only having an hour to get things done..i rode a bike for it a bit...did some other random things that I am sure I was doing improperly, and hit the sauna..so yeah, all was well...

I got back to my room, took and shower and by that time it was sandwich time ya'll...so I grabbed me a quick bite to eat, all seemed well in the world...

I meandered around the building for just a bit before running into a group of friends, but they were all interested in drinking at the bar so I stepped out to make some calls and retrieve some voicemails..

Well the voicemails I had today were not on the same plane as the one's from yesterday...I may not know much, but I know distress in someone's voice when I hear it....and I knew what I was hearing yet had no idea how to react to it...

Then I called and finally got a hold of TJ, it was nice talking to him actually voice to voice rather than through our messages in the past week...he had some distressing news for me, which I am not sure how to take...but we talked and that made me happy..i just don't know what to say

I leave and it seems as if I have all these reasons for coming back, not for myself but for others..i'm having moments of altruism, but then again it's always been my nature to go out of my way for others...and not any of this false sense of self-given altruism like Brooke believes in..yes I'm still on that...it's like having your dad beat you all your life then him going around saying how great he raised you..i just don't buy it brooke, I'm sorry..

Anyways, what I'm getting at is I'm not trying to toot my own horn and say, "oh my look at all the mess that happens when I leave", because that's just bullshit...things happen and we just have to learn to live with them, making the changes and adjustments where needed..i'm uncertain of what my coming back would do for anybody, but maybe it's my problem and I just need to break away, maybe I'm too dependant on being the fallout guy, the go-to guy, the...who knows....i'm just ramblng and not making a lick of sense now..

Anyways, I was proud of my very productive day, no naps and went to the gym...but I ask you this..if all that was achieved...why am I awake now?











"Soo I'm going to IU since I believe cancer kids get scholarships.."

Day 8

I Got a Banana in My Pocket...
Sandwich Team Unite!

Ughh, another day with a nap...I'm getting more and more pissed....

Thank me for my roommate..if it were not for josh I would have never made it to 'work' on time...it was around 530 and he wakes me asking if I planned on getting ready this morning..i was confused and asked him what time it was all the while struggling to find my clock..after he told me I then spent the next five minutes trying to figure out why my alarm never went off...I clearly remember somebody's alarm going off, but didn't know at what time and knew it wasn't mine...

Regardless it was plenty of time to shower and get ready to meet downstairs for the 'work' or whatever they call it..all I did this morning was eat breakfast on my break and scrape food at the dishwasher..yay for that

Afterwards we had our shiplife class..it was alright..nothing to brag about, but it went on longer than expected and we had to miss our meet and greet session with the new-comers, class 110...

I suppose one of the highlights of my day, if not for the Banana in my pocket conversation with Liz, was when Bruce, one of the cooks, had spoons in his front pocket..when I asked him to confirm that they were indeed spoons, I was then able to launch into a joke that Tom from the OG once told me..about a waitstaff who had spoons in their front pockets..ohh, talk about a perfect setup!

So we were dismissed for class around 230 and I figured why not workout? I’ve only been talking about it for a week now..so I get to my room, start to change, and what did I do..that's right, pass out...I didn't get up until 7..yeah I suck at life..not only did I miss the next meet and greet session, but more importantly I missed dinner...

So I got back dressed and made it down for the third and final meet and greet...well, when the bus arrived only 20 people got off, if that..so I, like many, was left without a 'buddy' to pair up with..so I was a little disappointed because that was the only thing I was looking forward to all day..whatever...the group were then issued to pass out sandwiches to the newbies, and thus we formed the sandwich team...

Afterwards I was able to go and get myself a sandwich from the snack providers..and they hooked me up when I told them I missed dinner..due to class...a lie yes, but I was hungry..

I changed and jenny met up with me from there...we spent the remainder of the night just walking around, talking...finally getting a chance to play ping pong..and she fucking beat me, ughh, it took me a couple games to warm up, but then the games got close..and as soon as I made my comeback a group of people came over and I choked...I lost all five games, god I suck as life...

So back to my room we went..i went out to the balcony to make some phone calls, rather leave voicemails for everyone as nobody was answering their phones...I am doing my best to keep in contact with people, but the reception I receive is absolutely horrible.. I have to walk out on my balcony, all the way to the end of the building where the wind off the ocean hits me for my phone to finally get a second bar, which is why I need to make a call that won’t drop or cut out, hopefully...so I hope everyone doesn’t take this as me blowing them off, because I truly do want to keep in touch...

And as for the Internet, once again the computers were down again...I don't think I'll ever get on and be able to check my email or anything like that. As for uploading this posts and or pictures..i don't think I’ll have that ability until I get to the hotel in Hawai'i while I am waiting for my ship to come in..

Bare with me, life on the vessel will be diiferent…you'll be looking at an update about once a week, I'm going throw those numbers out there now in hopes that I am right later..only time will tell on that one..

So that's that…classwork bores me to tears...I'm up til 230 every day/night/morning..then I get up at 5-6 depending on my schedule..somewhere mid-day I end up taking a nap and hating my life more, but I also eat like a cow (ha, the pun because of my last name...), and yeah...I'm gonna try and lay down, but it's hard for me to not try and put my penis in someone's armpit when they are lying next to me..what?










"I just want a hot chick buddy so I can lei her and then fuck her later..."

Day 7

Da Bears!
Ohh, colts...

Let's just all do the superbowl shuffle...

So everything went as I wanted...I wanted the bears to win, though I said it would all depend if the offense was having an alright day or not..and thankfully we had it going on...the defense stepped it up as well and sealed victory and a date with the superbowl...as for the colts Patriots game..i hate both teams...and I expected Manning to choke as he always does in these situations, but I was cheering for an Indianapolis victory..the only time you will ever hear me say that..reasoning for going with the Colts...I just think the Patriots have had plenty of chances in the superbowl..that, and the fact that everyone who likes the patriots is just a fuck..yeah

Ughh, fuck the circle city...anyways..today was a fucking lame day, on my part that is..we had class in the morning right after I had my early breakfast..got dismissed early from class around noonish, went to have lunch...when I was finished with that I figured I have an entire day off, why not go to the gym..to at least say I was inside of the place (because once again if I eat at this rate I'm gonna gain weight like I'm trying to move up weight classes for the wrestling match next week) so as I waited out the hour or so I ended up passing out watching the TV..and I didn't have an alarm set, so I never really got up until it was too late..

By then the game was already on..so I sat up in my room watching a good portion of it before finally making my way down to the auditorium to view it on the big screen with Aimee and company. Of course aimee was upset because her team made a comeback in the half, but blew it all with a safety which switched the tides of momentum to the bears..she complained of the asshole fans in the auditorium talking shit as well..which I did agree with, they were being complete assholes..and I bet you dollars to donuts that they all shut the fuck up when it was 14-16 with the bears offense going backward on almost every drive..regardless, we won!

The game finished in enough time for me to have some dinner, good thing too because I was hungry and only wasn't going to eat until the game was finished. At dinner I sat with a lady named elizabeth that I remembered from my server class..she started to make conversation and started into an apology for not knowing my name..that's when I threw out the classic line of, "well Elizabeth my name is Jason" she just sat there in amazement saying if she wasn't paying that much attention she would have never realized she had been burnt so badly. From that moment on she just kept bringing up in conversation my name, whenever someone walked by she would ask if they knew Jason, and so forth..it was hilarious, totally my style of comedy

From the wheelhouse I started to meander, a little group of us decided to go make snow angels as it had begun snowing sometime during the game..once we had made our way outside we saw a group of people finishing up on a decent sized snowman, and considering the small amount of snowfall we had, it was quite a job well performed..i snapped some pics as this was my first real snowfall for the year, got cold and went back inside. I saw eric having to work in the bar and also met up with jenny, so we went in there to chillax for a bit waiting for eric to get off of work at 8..

Once eric got off he wanted a sandwich at snack time, but I not hungry as I had just eaten opted to only sit with them..the group eventually disbanded..i went into the auditorium to check on the colts game, then back to the bar to do nothing..trying to get the A/V guy off my back I decided to go to my room and play on the computer and watch the remainder of the game..

It wasn't long before jenny came knocking on my door..we sat in my room watching the game..i couldn't tell if she actually cared about the game or if she was just humoring me and playfully enjoying it, regardless it was nice...everyone should be thankful I do not get service here at PP, because ya'll would have been getting phone calls throughout the day...once when the bears won, and several more when the patriots started to choke, and then finally collapse...fuck you patriot loving assholes...

Anyways, after the game it was somewhere near 11, and I on my high from my nap and a bears victory, really wanted to do something..so jenny and I walked around the building, she was taking pictures with her beautiful digital Nikon camera...we made our way back over to the ping-pong table and finished out the night there...

We went back to my room where when we walked in my roommate james was once again watching the soft core porn on cinemax...you know it's Sunday, I wouldn't think cable channels would be playing that sort of thing, I thought it was just for the weekends, but whatever...I cracked open my server study guide I should have been looking over all day long, and laid down..jenny played with my MacBook Pro (the only reason why it's all in caps like that is because autofill in word made it like that...)..anyways, she played with photoshop and some of my pics until she realized I was actually passing out...

Another night down, another night where jenny spent the night...looks like trouble if you ask me...ughh, who knows right?











"I'm gonna put my penis in your armpit.."

Day 6

What Day is it?
It's all a similar blur...

So it looks like I definitely have a new fan.

What a day...and who knows what day it really is...every day is just some replicated form of the other, with no real indication on what makes a day a day other than the fact you went to sleep last night, got up and they were serving eggs...apparently they serve the same thing or every day every week..so I guess when I will be eating pizza I will know it’s a Friday...or when a new bus load of people pull up and a large mass is walking around with a lei, it'll be a Monday....other than that...it's just sleep, eat, class, eat, movie, sleep...nothing special

And just a little tidbit, I go to sleep with my own little personal soundtrack...I've got three other roommates living in this large room, and of course they all make their little noises...two of them snore, while james, the guy's whose bed is right across from mine, talks in his sleep...just as I had finished up my night last night and was laying my head down James got really loud and made a complete sentence, random, but a complete sentence..i did everything in my nature not to bust up laughing and wake the others..but apparently one of my other roommates did hear and asked me about it in the morning...ohh good stuff...

Well today was a little different and special..we finished up with class around noon and were dismissed to lunch on the pretense that we were finished...just had to show up for the mandatory 2 hour lunch...amazing, what a break I thought...a little bit of class then the rest of the day to do...to do.....

well, after the huge lunch I went back to my room and took a nap..i was hoping it was going to be brief, having set an alarm for only a couple hours, however I awoke somewhere around 6..just barely in time for dinner..but when I awoke I was in such a twilight daze I had no understanding as to why my clock said it was 530pm..and why I had an alarm set for pm as well..i was trying to comprehend as to how I slept all the way thrugh the night into the next day..i wasn't in a panic about getting ready, rather I was just trying to make sense out of everything..nothing seemed right..once I realized it was in fact 530PM and I hadn't slept through the entire night, just rather my alarm and my workout all was well..i corralled the group and we went off for din din..

Diner was not anything special by any means...I was once again barely to get it down but did so..after that we mossied down to the bar to play for foosball and the crane game..not too much was accomplished there - though eric did end up winning a stuffed animal out of that game and I did beat everyone at foosball...

By the time I finished my Blue Moon it was time for the 8 o'clock snack sandwich...the sandwiches make me happy as it is something to look forward to especially after a not so good dinner.. after that sit-a-thon it was time to go over to the auditorium and watch Snatch

Afterwards I made it back to my room, with Jenny showing up just a little bit later to stay the night...she's a clingy little thing but I think that's good...just got to see how jealous she will get when I'm flirting with the other girls...and this conversation has already came up, but you never know...












"it was half...he worked a full shift, it was his..he should get the reward..thank you!"

Day 5

The Reclusion...
Hibernation and alienation

Ughhh, are we seriously going to make it through all the different cycles by the time I leave here?

Today is/was Friday, which meant the café was serving Pizza, yay for that? I didn't have much of an appetite all day though...I had a small breakfast consisting of 2 pieces of French toast (since they were once again out of the sliced fruit)…I tried to have lunch but the 'BBQ' chicken and rice was actually something terribly disgusting...and normally I'll eat whatever is in front of me even when it's not so delicious...but today things just weren’t so good...so I went lunchless and drank some coffee, my fist bit of caffeine since..who knows..

But today things just seemed a little off...Eric complained of feeling sick as did Bre...maybe I'm coming down with something too..but I don't necessarily feel sick, just quiet? I didn't start the day off like this however, I got up and went to breakfast at 712 like planned, actually waking up before my alarm at 601 and everyone else was late for it so I grabbed a table by myself..the stragglers eventually came by and it was brought up that I looked tired, when really I wasn't feeling it so much, but somehow my appearance was that I was tired..whatever

Another day of classes, another day of classwork....you know, I thought I quit school but apparently not. My favorite video was this motivational thing about giving people the pickle, something I think TJ would like, but it made sense and I liked it, check it out if you can?

And then we had our Hawaiian cultural class..which for some reason or another was half a day only..there is so much to cover and the information actually caught my attention for once..why only a few hours, I'll be using this a lot more than the D.I.S.C. personality placement graph...I don't get it, not saying I didn't appreciate the other things, I just didn't see how it had any significance to anything so much in particular..but all the things on Hawaii, yeah, a few hours and we were supposed to be good.

I went down for dinner around 6, alone as I believed the group to have already eaten after class...but like I said I wasn't hungry and couldn't think about trying to eat on a full stomache...I sat alone until some others trickled in..whatever that was fine..i think the A/V guy in my class either wants my cock or just wants me to be his ultra cool friend..either way I can't blame him..i'm just frickin' awesome.

So after the meal I started to head back to my room and as I turned the corner to my hall I noticed a person that appeared to be jenny heading down to my room..i didn't say anything as I followed over the same steps she just took...and I knew as she were to arrive upon my door she would turn and look to her right, looking behind her...so I timed it out as she made the turn for my door, I made the turn for a door just a few doors down...when she saw me she was a little confused but pieced it together..

We went into my room and started talking...and somewhere in the middle of that I passed out and we ended up both falling asleep. Well since my alarm clock was in my pocket I never heard it go off at 8...so when I awoke at quarter to ten I was a little distraught…not only did I miss the movie at 830 but more importantly I missed snack sandwich time..something I was really looking forward to partaking in, especially after not eating all too much throughout the day.

So after that I was wide awake, hungry, and with nothing to do...so jenny and I just sat up til around 2am, about the time we got tired, just talking and I showing her all the random videos and pictures on my computer..nothing much...I ate some lucky charms I stole from breakfast to try and hold me over, but mainly used the company to distract myself...

So yeah, I'll leave it at that...hopefully I won't be a bad person, but I can't promise anything..as we all know, I really don't know what I should ever do in any situation..and whatever I do, I'll regret it all, but not speak of it.











"you're so cold, you're so cold, you're so cold..."

Day 4

Seamen, Girls, Food...
The look of love

Believe me, somehow those are all sickly related to one another....

You know it's funny, I thought my hair was my source of my sex appeal and all my power, just like that one guy's...but it seems if not, it was just one of the many features people found appealing in me..all in all it seems that my charm wins as the ultimate in my attraction of all sexes. For those of you who don't know I got my hair cut right before I left for PP, and it was cute extremely short, probably the shortest I've had it since I was 10...I instantly had an extreme disliking for it, it just wasn't me...but since these people had no idea what I was supposed to look like versus what I look like now, there should only be a slight difference in judgement..but damn how I love my hair...

It was Eric who made the comment this afternoon in the hallway while we were on our way to class about me and my girls already...we were just walking and this girl stopped me and I was talking to her, then two seconds later another girl stopped me and I was talking with her for a moment...then I started talking to the girl behind the NCL Desk because I thought she was cute, come to find out her last name is Serrano, as in Sophia Serrano....yeah, hotness...anyways, Eric just came out in the middle of my conversation and was like, “man Jason you and all these girls, what’s the deal..save some ass for the rest of us” a classic line I thought..

Another day, another non-dollar...more class work..this time with the instructor looking like some Aaron Barcus with a beard look-a-like...I really didn't see whtat all he had to talk about really pertained to anything at NCL...sure there were personality types, conflict resolution..but this was just a filler waste in my mind...I felt bad because the ACB look-a-like, named steve, was a pretty cool guy, so I felt bad that he got stuck with something so insignificant as to what he was doing...

Four meals a day, you better believe it...fucking A I didn't think it was possible for me to switch to wanting to eat four times a day let alone actually eating four times a day, but here it is...about an hour before every meal break my tummy starts a rumbling and I need food..go figure...and like always I'm that guy in the group who not only finishes off his plate but is more than happy to help you finish yours..i expect myself to gain so much weight it won't even be funny..let's just hope my clothes fit by the time I get back..or hell, let's hope they continue to fit.

Not too much really happened today..jenny and I basically bonded from dinner on throughout the night with a break from 830 to 1030 for the movie that was showing, the illusionist…from what I saw it looked like it was a good movie, but I was way too comfortable on the floor with my blanket and pillow so I passed out somewhere midway through it and woke up in the final 15 minutes..

But yeah, jenny wanted to hear stories so I enticed her with some past fucked up relationships, cursing girls, talking about events that could only happen to me, and whatever..she was pleased by my stories, or so it seemed..the girl kinda reminds me of amber in a way..partly because every girl reminds me of amber because of my deep seeded love for amber, but also because jenny seemed to be the counseling type of person, being able to figure out the situations I threw at her and allowing for me to cry on her shoulder, metaphorically....

We talked out on the couches until it was 12, time to leave the public areas and go elsewhere seeing many a spectacle that evening...a guy getting pulled by cops for being drunk, amoung others...we walked up the stairwell (note, my phone all of a sudden decides that it can get reception right then and there..), I start to say my goodbyes, as I live on the second floor and she on the third, and as we depart, she gives me that look...you know that look...of course we all love the look, or at least I do, but when that look is giving to me I'm all but paralyzed in a smile..not being able to act on it because if you act on it, you break it's beauty..i don't know, I'm crazy...so I left it at that and went back to my room, alone...but the look lingers on..











"I'm gonna punch you in the face"

Day 3

Just Another Random Day...
Better not blow your load too early...

Oh yet again another random day in the life of jason angus, yet nothing feels accomplished...

So here I sit, at the end of my day, in Eric's room watching Alfie along with Jenny, Amiee just left the room. I am left in this state of wonderment, this unaccomplished nothing feeling, and I’m not sure what choices I am supposed to be making...

At times I get cynical and shut myself off from the world, I revert back to the way I used to be. And it’s during these times of antisocialness








I really need to stop napping mid-day..i took another nap this afternoon after lunch only to kill time, I had an hour left and our group went our separate ways for that hour...so I got back to my room, set my alarm just in case I were to fall asleep, and then laid down..it's not like I can do too much: the TV is on but we only have like 5 channels, I have no internet, I'm too tired and school worn out to read any books, and it's a little too early to stop blogging...so I end up passing out...well, for the second day in a row now my dreams have been uber-tramatizing...these dreams are so intense and are filled with so much real emotion, after I wake I don't feel like I slept, rather just went through some horrible experience I wish not to talk about it...but just contradictory, I am able to go about my day rather quickly, almost forgetting everything that happened, maybe not forgot because I think about it all day long, but the weight of the situations doesn't seem to get to me, and I'm not buried in my day by it.

The day pretty much consisted of more classroom work, we got a longer break, it was a little more entertaining (for me at least), we watched videos, did some activites, whatever it was entertaining...I did as mentioned, take a cap on lunch, but did have lunch...and you know, I've been eating like crazy, I'm taking advantage of all four meals they are providing...looks like I'll be gaining some weight in no time if I don't start..moving around...?

Hung out with my group again at every possible second, we are like glue or something...at 830 we all got together after enjoy a snack sandwich, and watched Employee of the Month..they were offering the viewing in the auditorium...

Afterwards we got a spot over by the ping-pong table and just shat the shit..it was good and all. I enjoy our group but I'll be damned honest, for some reason my sense of humor styling has gotten a little off..i'm very angry and vengeful, offering to punch people in the face or telling them to shut the fuck up every three seconds..i got to really turn it down..

I really got to this one kid...it was right after the movie we piled on out of the theater and were standing outside of it..a friend of jenny's comes up to her and they start talking...he then tries to intermingle with the group, asking what class we were in..he made a comment and was a little surprised that we were all in the same class because he had yet to see us..wherein I retorted quite snidely that we were just too cool for him and made our elite presence unknown....it broke him down and everyone around was in shock...I tried to fix I by re-inventing what I meant by it, but whatever I just went up to my room to return my pillow and blanket.

After chilling watching those play twister we headed up to eric's room which is where we are now...funny, by the time I finish up this post the movie credits will be going..amazing.












"absinthe makes the heart grow fonder..."

Day 2

Shallow Pond
And tag pulling..

So not even here two days and my tag was already pulled, ohhh the people from CP would be proud...

So these days are long..but only because they start so early, well, earlier than what I am used to...we had to be down in the main meeting area at 7am today...luckily I got some sleep last night after I passed out sideways fully clothed in my bed and didn't even manage to get under the covers til 5...only to get out of bed at 530 when my other roommates were either waking up or had their alarms going off...

I got a light breakfast, met for the paper retrievals, and then waited for the next session at 8 (yeah, it was pretty lame needing to only be there for five minutes this morning but whatever).

We had more information/orientation sessions and I was just getting bogged down by it all...on one of our breaks our little group took a walk outside around the buildings..but by lunch time I had to take a nap, granted I only had 45 minutes to do so, I needed to get some sleep out of the way otherwise class would be killer.

The nap effectively worked, though it was probably the most disturbing dreams I've had in a long time..again lets just say unresolved issues...but I was able to pull through the remainder of the classroom experiece..well I did take a nap at the first break back from lunch…and it bled into classtime, I don't know how I wasn't told to get up and walk around being in the front row and all...

After class it was time for more line forming, where we turned in the last of our paperwork..lots of lines, and yeah we also got our ID's so no more leis...

By that time I was hungry and ready for dinner so we moved on down to the wheel room to get some grubbage..i was joined by the typical group of Jenny, Eric, and Amiee...and right after we sat down one of the training helpers joined us, Hermina...yeah, I wouldn't throw a stone, but I'd say it's safe to say she has a crush on me...this just based on the fact she'll always make conversation with me, make little jokes and flirt, and oh yeah, stare at me all throughout class..whatever, the Bosnian born chick is cute..

Shortly after we also had Scott, the officer, and mother mary, Cynthia, join us...that was interesting...mother sister mary is just soo..i don't know how to say it, you would just have to experience it...I'll let you filled in on this little piece of tidbit, she's a recently born-again hardcore catholic who's out there trying to convert everyone...everytime she sits with us I just start kicking whomever is to my right and make faces...we had to sit through one of her sermons early this morning at 7...we were all just too tired to care and stop her, so she just rambled on and on...ughh, too early for this religious stuff, that's why I don't go to church...

So whatever, everyone rushed to finish up their meals and we ran for the exit...I was stopped as soon as I stood up though by some random girl a couple tables away who started making conversation with me..we were tossing glances back and forth, but partly on my part because I was looking behind her at other things, so she kept thinking I was looking at her, whatever..we talked and she told me she'd catch me in the bar later…back to our rooms to change out of our uniforms and get ready to "go out"...which really meant meeting back downstairs to go to the bar for the first time...

We meet and walk into the bar..and after not being allowed to go in last night, it felt a little weird, almost liberating, like being 21 all over again, random...so the bar is lame..of course you know the rule we can’t blow a .04 or we are gone, so we basically can get a beer every hour...oh yeah, the other thing, we are only allowed to order wine and beer..

Whatever, so we get to the bar and I order a glass of wine, all they have brandwise is sutter home...yaysarscasm...anyways, as I am ordering this girl comes out of nowhere from behind me and ask how much the beers are..she pulls up next to me and the barkeep starts naming off the beers they have...he mentions blue moon and I get excited because I didn't see it out there anywhere, so the girl orders that...we start talking and she tells me she would like to sit down..so I am walking behind my group of friends I came down with, they grab a spot, but we kept walking..and I gave them the "I'm sorry, this girl is talking to me, I'll be back" look...

So the girl and I (breeina?) sit at a table by ourselves and start talking...she's from Omaha Nebraska so we start going into the music scene and talking about that..whatever, she seems like a pretty cool person, especially when she started talking about ghosts, but I wasn’t feeling it from here at that moment…now, I'll throw you for a loop on this one…she's the one I saw in the Cincinnati airport at the same terminal as me and thought, "wow, wouldn't I be nice if she were on the same flight as me, maybe even next to me, or hell, why not going to piney point too"...and she is the girl I've tried my best to make eye contact with because she's a little cutey and I wanted her to notice me, notice me noticing her..but whatever...after this evening's dinner I'd given up on it because it had seemed she had formed her own little clique and I wasn’t going to be apart of it...but they always know when to come back, just when you've forgotten about them..

So she goes out for a smoke and I go back to my group of friends...I apologize for my disappearance and we get back into action...we finish our drinks and decide this place was dead so now what...I mentioned the ping-pong table was open, and we all made our way over there...I think we played for a good hour or two, just sucking it up, playing off the ground but having an absolute blast..like I said this went on for quite some time until two guys wanted to play, and seeings how we suck and were just goofing around, we gave it to them...

Bri found me and we all talked for a bit, and then she and amiee headed up back to their rooms...then Christina, the one from dinner, found me and we talked briefly making the quasi-potential to see each other tomorrow for breakfast date...and as the remaining three of us were just talking about what to do next Eric points out that the cops are coming, which in fact they were walking down the hall towards us..the female cop comes up to us and asks for 10 volunteers, and at that time she is also pulling our tags...we were to report to the front desk in 10 minutes for a random breathlizer test...so of course we start cracking jokes about it, running over to the café for some quick "sober snacks" We get to the desk at 1015, still cracking wise about it all and take our test, we passed blowing .000, yay! So of course I make the comment, "whoo hoo, we passed, now let’s celebrate by getting a drink" insert high five here...it was at that moment the cops started busting out in laughter and so I felt good for making a cop laugh..

We did not in fact return to the bar, but instead headed up to Eric's room where he has the place to himself, lucky bastard...we all plopped onto our own respective bed and starting watching the TV. BTTF III was just ending so we had to watch that, and following it was Blues Brothers, what could be better...

Now the funny thing about this group, Eric, Jenny, and myself all claim to be from right outside Chicago, so it's like a little regional grouping that brought us together..and as I said, people from the region tend to find and connect with other people from the region, unbeknownst that the other is from the same area..well you know what they say, "birds of a feather flock together"...

So we finished the movies, or well close to them, but decided it was time for bed..i got back to my room shortly after midnight and my one crazy roommate James was still awake watching TV..and as soon as I got in he's like, "so you were with jenny huh" and starts drilling me about her and I already becoming a Piney Point Couple...apparently he saw some attraction earlier that evening when he sat at our table in the bar. Whatever, how did he notice that..and on my end or hers..or both? Yeah I thought jenny was cute and all...plus she had a pink lay on, and now a pink ID, which I pointed out it would be easy to remember her name since my first car was “pink” and named “jenny”...that and the fact we have just clicked almost instantaneously..like we'll say the same random phrases at the same time, finish each other's sentences, or just be thinking the same thing at the same time...which I totally love when that happens

But I do believe she has a crush on me...she seems to be pretty impressionable, like she'll do what I'm doing, I mean the group goes along with it, but right off from the morning she picked to sit with eric and I at the table for paper filling out, and just joined us from there on out...but yeah, I don't know, it's cute and I like it. Ohh, and fast fact, she's the girl I helped carry her bags to the bus at the airport...my luggage was lost and since everyone else was carrying thirteen different things I felt like I should help, so I offered it out and she asked me to carry her other huge green bag.

So just wrapping up day 2 here at PP, I think things have gotten better, or the amazing night I had tonight just stunted the reality of the situation. I will give it that all the people are nice, and for some reason I feel like I'm a part of some big family, I know weird right..uber cultish sounding, but no..like I'll pass anyone in the halls or whatever and everyone seems to genuinely make conversation, say hello...it’s really a change from...reality where nobody gives a fuck..but I really like it.

I don't know about the other stuff though..i'm still hopeful, just like everyone else...having wishful thinking about leaving here as soon as possible..not because I won't like it, but because I have other deadlines to worry about as mentioned earlier...whatever, there's just a lot on my mind but the friends I've made have eased some of the distractions...and as for the girls...I just hope I don't become some sort of whore and sleep with them all..or get into some stupid relationship either...the quote that threw everyone off tonight from me was made after this guy hit on amiee, we all were just making fun of the guy, but I came back with, "god, I hope I don't get so bored of this place I will want to start fucking people", and I leave you with that..goodnight











"Peace, Love, and Holler"

Updates Soon!!!
I Promise...

alright alright, i'm working on it, honestly


so we just bought the internet, it's a little sluggish, to put it extremly nicely, so i will see what i can do..some posts are missing, but the next post will be day two..read abot all my little misadventures now!!!

or something like that










"Whoo hoo, that rate is right!"

I'm Leaving..
on a jet plane

i really don't know when i'll be back again

if ever....soooo, i leave for Maryland on Monday...rather, i'm supposed to be in Maryland to start training on Monday...and i really don't know when my flight out there is...update, just got my itinerary email...i fly out of St Louis MO on Monday morning...

but the coolest part is, i'm actually flying in 'private' jets...that seat like 30 people! How cool is that? well, i think that is cool..whatever, this is my first time flying, i'm claustrophobic, and i'll be crammed into a smaller than average airplane thousands of miles in the sky..yay!

i fly from MO to Cincinnati for a one hour lay-over, then i get on a smaller plane and fly to Baltimore...when i get there i have to meet with the NCL people...i just want to walk off the plane and see one of those guys holding a sign with my name on it...that will truly make my frickin' day!

so yeah, that's about where i am now..well who knows where i am, it's Thursday? and i have to be in a lot of places doing a lot of things...tomorrow afternoon i have to be in Ohio for a date with my sweet cheeks...then make my way over Indy to celebrate Kat's birthday and hopefully see E-liz as well...

Maybe then Saturday morning i can catch Jimmy in Indy, drive down to bloomington to pack and do whatever else it is i need to do..then go out with that crowd (the few the proud the loyal). And on Sunday, wake up early to then drive six hours on over to Missouri to park my car..riding then to St Louis to wait for my flight in the terminal overnight...

sounds like a plan? want to be involved give me a call because i have nobody's number....











"I'm using the duty free shop to get liquored up before i step foot on any plane..."

work....
damn it



ughhhhhhhhhhh, really?

New Year..
N0 shit...

whatever, it has to pick up...

so i didn't do my traditional "wind-up" or "wrap-up" of the year in blog/link form, so what..i really didn't update as much as i would have liked, plus with me being in CP for 6 months, it kinda puts a halt on things like that...

so here is my first post of the new year...and my original post i had dreamt in my head was going to be nothing but praise for '06, but due to the events that occurred just towards the end, i don't know where it will stand, and it definitely put a bad taste in my mouth for '07.

ughh, what happened is tedious, just a lot of shit falling through, stuff typically made up for a bad week, but it just so happened to be tacked onto the end of a year, which is a time for joy and celebration - and i can go against the standard grief, anger, hostility at this time of the year, i can see through all that, but damn, when all the shit piles up, it's kinda hard not to let it ruin your image of the passing year...

which leads me into the ol Zach question of "which list would he be on" question...say someone, some dedicated person to society, to school, family, friends, organizations, all that, just an outstanding person commits a crime, say murder, or suicide...what list do they belong on? Does an entire lifetime of good suddenly not chalk up to the final remaining moments? we tend to remember both times, the good and the bad, but the last is always, well, a lasting impression.

now if it were the other way around, say someone lead an average alright life, then commited some murder early on, but went through the rest of their life asking for forgiveness, turning everything around, and ends on a good note...wouldn't that entitle them heaven?

is it better to burn out or fade away i guess is the ultimate question...

to quote my ashlee, the past is in the past...but we're here in the present based on the situations in the past, and we can't hide from our pasts, the past decisions we've made only allow for better decisions for the future...

so the new year got off on a rough foot, in like a lion out like a lamb? and what's the deal with all these fucking sayings? i guess all i can do is turn it around...i'll be in Hawaii in no time..that is unless there's a plane crash...then i'd go and say this year is cursed, til then.











"Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away? "

Thanksgiving Traditions....
finally posted


















"smack that"

Marry X-mas...
only child style...

no, marry like in a chick's name you moron...

so it's Christmas, and that means...well, nothing much for me. i was totally going to ignore the day, just rake it up as some normal Sunday (yes i know it's Monday but i feel as if i were to think about it actually being a Monday i would then start mourning Tumbleweed and wanting Comedy Caravan to fill the void..neither of which are possible today). But then, then i was woken up by text messages, starting as early as 8am, wishing me a merry Christmas - well it would have been a merry day had i not been interrupted from my sleep state...

but i suppose being woken up from my sleep is actually what i am looking for lately...it seems as though my weird dream phenomena streak is continuing...for all week I've been troubled by dreams that seem all too surreal, the people, occurrences, emotions felt...ughh, it's enough to make me not want to go to sleep at night, or take pills to make me not dream - but i love my dreams oh so much, it's always fun to wake up in the morning and remember those crazy little details of all the strange happenings of when you were unaware...

but these dreams, these dreams can burn...an obvious psychological deduction would be that there's a lot unresolved issues in my past i had repressed..something that has been bottled up to the point where it is exploding in my subconscious...

you know, i do the best i can with what the people give me, i can't change the way people think, or the way they act, all i can do is try my best, giving them multiple opportunities to fix things..after that it's out of my hands..i just wished my mind thought that as well...

so back to this commercialized day...i had to explain the significance of this day vs new years to some foreigner i met in the rec center..he was confused as to why things were closed and nobody was going out today, but on new year's everything is packed.

so my day consisted of sitting around watching movies all day...i made very very few phone calls, maybe three, one included was my mother...and she talked to me for an hour..notice the way i stated that, she talked to me for an hour, rambling on and on about any random thing possible and giving the most over needed detail to only go on longer than needed...the highlight though came from her response to my x-mas dinner...

my dinner, well, all day meal - eggnog, 5-cheese freschetta pizza, and ice-cream = two kinds....ohhh, and then i cracked open a bottle of my wine (only because i saw people in one of the movies drinking a beer and suddenly i had the temptation to have a drink myself, can we say alcoholic?)

another highlight came from when i called amber out for not paying attention to me on the phone..she tried to make a comment on a topic that was being discussed, but it came a little too late, i let her finish her statement and rebutted with 'nice save but i've already changed the subject, care to comment on that?' ohhh, you know she's supposed to be the one who loves me, i expect TJ not to listen to me because he never pays attention while on the phone, and i know when i'm talking to him i'm really just saying it for my own benefit...but amber? really? come on! for her sake she will say at least she tried to humor me and comment on the topic that was being discussed mere moments ago, but we all know how i am and she knows how to keep up

so the movie's on the docket are Red Dragon, American Psycho, and possibly a third depending on how much time i spend online and playing NCAA..great huh? fuck it's a beautiful life...











"well, just don't spike the eggnog - why not? - cuz you said you were all alone, so there wouldn't be anyone to appreciate your drunk - that's why i got a cell phone mother"

I Don't Want Kids...
well, not currently..

as in for the future i would not like kids....

i should really discuss this with my wife first, but i'll continue anyways...so lately i've been in this mood where i really do not want to bring a child into this world.




Marry X-mas...
only child style...

no, marry like in a chick you moron...

so it's christmas, and that means...well, nothing much for me. i was totally going to ignore the day, just rake it up as some normal sunday (yes i know it's monday but i feel as if i were to think about it actually being a monday i would then start mourning Tumbleweed and wanting Comedy Caravan to fill the void..neither of which are possible today). But then, then i was woken up by text messages, starting as early as 8am, wishing me a merry christmas - well it would have been a merry day had i not been interrupted from my sleep state...

but i suppose being woken up from my sleep is actually what i am looking for lately...it seems as though my weird dream phenomena streak is continuing...for all week i've been troubled by dreams that seem all too sureal, the people, occurances, emotions felt...ughh, it's enough to make me not want to go to sleep at night, or take pills to make me not dream - but i love my dreams oh so much, it's always fun to wake up in the morning and remember those crazy litle details of all the strange happenings of when you were unaware...

but these dreams, these dreams can burn...an obvious psychological deduction would be that there's a lot uneresolved issues in my past i had repressed..something that has been bottled up to the point where it is exploding in my subconscience...

you know, i do the best i can with what the people give me, i can't change the way people think, or the way they act, all i can do is try my best, giving them multiple oppurtunities to fix things..after that it's out of my hands..i just wished my mind thought that as well...

so back to this commercialized day...i had to explain the significance of this day vs new years to some foreigner i met in the rec center..he was confused as to why things were closed and nobody was going out today, but on new year's everything is packed.

so my day consisted of sitting around watching movies all day...i made very very few phone calls, maybe three, one included was my mother...and she talked to me for an hour..notice the way i stated that, she talked to me for an hour, rambling on and on about any random thing possible and giving the most overneeded detail to only go on longer than needed...the highlight though came from her responce to my x-mas dinner...

my dinner, well, all day meal - eggnog, 5-cheese freschetta pizza, and ice-cream = two kinds....ohhh, and then i cracked open a bottle of my wine (only because i saw people in one of the movies drinking a beer and suddenly i had the temptation to have a drink myself, can we say alcoholic?)

another highlight came from when i called amber out for not paying attention to me on the phone..she tried to make a comment on a topic that was being discussed, but it came a little too late, i let her finish her statement and rebutted with 'nice save but i've already changed the subject, care to comment on that?' ohhh, you know she's supposed to be the one who loves me, i expect TJ not to listen to me because he never pays attention while on the phone, and i know when i'm talking to him i'm really just saying it for my own benefit...but amber? really? come on! for her sake she will say at least she tried to humor me and comment on the topic that was being discussed mere moments ago, but we all know how i am and she knows how to keep up

so the movie's on the docket are Red Dragon, American Psycho, and possibly a third depending on how much time i spend online and playing NCAA..great huh? fuck it's a beautiful life...











"well, just don't spike the eggnog - why not? - cuz you said you were all alone, so there wouldn't be anyone to appreciate your drunk - that's why i got a cell phone mother"

I'm Taking November/December Off!
wait, what? who ha?

I've danced my last dance, had my fun with mary - jane, and any other girls names you can think of, lived like a rockstar minus the alcohol but plenty of STD's...now what?

For many people, it's hard from them to grasp the concept of "taking a month off" - who does that? Well, I don't know if it's been done before, but I sure as hell am doing it now...Why you ask, just because...

As I stated in the opener I've had my fun this summer, one of my better ones, so where do we go from here. I did have plans of going to Florida, but those fell through into the dark shades of other people, never to be found again. That did put a sting into my "invincible" drive I was riding. I got greedy and started believing in my own propaganda, and in reality this "month off" is more of a distraction of failure for me to regroup. It's only a momentary setback into the life that is Jason Angus, I'll be back on my feet in no time, somewhere- anywhere, with anything being possible.

School? Why does everyone in the world want me to return to school...is that something that we all must do before we die...well, I attended, it wasn’t my cup of tea, so I left. Does that make me any less of a person who did graduate -possibly. I've always viewed the lesser, stupid, majority of people to be not up to my standards - and god help them should they have not did well in school...ever walk down the hall and smell that stench in the air, the air of ignorance and stupidity...yeah, well I hated them and I always thought I would be better than the mass and attend (and graduate) at some prestigious university.

Enter UofM. Sure UofM is a great school, highly selective to get into, even though it is a public school with over 30,000+ students...but, I wanted some quick path to my degree, not this run around elective bullshit that had nothing to do with anything besides pissing me off. That and the fact that the times, they were a changing. What once used to be something esteemed, now it appeared that any 'ol Joe-fuckface was graduating with some sort of degree in LS&A...

So now what? What lies before me...as I have always stated I'm a jack of all trades yet a master of none, so where does that place you in life? Of course I'd like to have some sort of career path that provided me with a lot of money - yes I am that superficial...but that's only because I have these crazy spontaneous needs that want to be fulfilled. I mean I have bought a new phone ever year and a half now going on six years, and these are always the expensive top of the line phones too. I'm a gadget freak what can I say.

But I also want to be ale to have fun in my job. If not have fun there be able to do what I want in my free time, whatever that may be - again providing the financial situation to allow for this to be possible.

So it seems I'm stuck behind a rock and a hard place - not wanting to go to college for anything, yet realizing you just about need that today like in the past you needed a high school diploma to do anything...don't get me wrong, I love to learn about new things, I'm just not the self-taught man. I mean sure I'll pick p on things but I prefer when people sit down and explain things to me (kinda sounds like school eh?)

I've always wanted to do something big with my life, right now it seems as if I'm living the dream - but it's everyone else's dreams I am living, I've got to figure out what mine are and start living those. Until that happens I'm just gonna be searching everywhere possible, doing everything possible in hopes that I may be able to track it down...I won't know what's right until I eliminate all the other options.












"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

Best Win Ever…
..oh, and lots of drama…

Seriously the best comeback in sports history happened last night

Let’s get right down to it, matt drapper was hosting a little “Finals are Over/I’m Graduating” Party at his place, and naturally TJ and I were invited – rather this was one of TJ’s infamous moments of, “Oh yeah, forgot to tell you but we’re going over to Drapper’s tonight”, and because I carry absolutely no clought in this relationship I just roll with the punches.

So we get to Drapper’s with the pretense that if it’s just Matt jerking off with Adam and his girlfriend we would be leaving at 2 – which gave us 22 minutes…luckily however the party was not a bust (well, not yet)…we were greeted and almost instantly challenged to Beer Pong Vs the House Champs – drapper and his friend…

TJ won the series of Rock/Paper/Scissors, which ultimately decided who was to go first in the match for the title of the world. Our team name – The Jedi’s, and the irony of the teammates would come from our attire – TJ was wearing his Ohio State Sweatshirt and I my UofM hoodie..ohhh the comradery. The game got off to a promising start, TJ striking first making it one cup one the second round, but it was answered right back by the House Champs. The House Champs would then go on an unabated streak that finally ended with my first score of the game, but by then it was our 8 Cups to their 4 Cups, and both TJ and Drapper had lost interest in the game…but the other kid and I decided to continue on in the spirit of the game and drinking – I was willing to go down in a ball of flames before throwing in the towel…

The game continued on at a slow pace, with both the other kid and I not making any of our shots, but that would soon change and as would The Jedi’s ‘Luck’, or rather force. All of a sudden the game clicked for me and I utilized the force to hone in on the skill of throwing a ping-pong ball into a plastic cup. I was starting to make one ball every round, with the other shot just barely missing – one literally went into the cup and bounced right out, robbed – and it was usually on the first shot I got it. In four rounds of play the Champs (with Drapper coming into play every now and then to finish me off) were able to match me on three accounts – that made the score Jedi’s=4 Champs=1…and this was when the true champions were born. It was my turn, I fired the first ball and made it (as I said it was wasn’t uncommon for me to make the first shot in this series), but almost immediately I fired the second ball. The other kid didn’t even have his hand out of the first cup when the other ball went in. I was ecstatic, not only did I just bring the game within reach, making it a close game 2-1, but by making both shots Team Jedi regained possession of the two balls. I ran to TJ to tell him of the news and gave him a ball to throw.

Happy to know that we still had a chance at victory he threw and made it in! Seeing him come off the bench in this clutch moment and knocking out the first cup, I passed on my ball to him for another shot. Feeling the pressure he threw it up and it just missed. The Champs now had a chance to knock out their last cup and shut us out. With a 1 – 1 game a lot of options were available to us that were running threw my mind. Even with a virtual make by the Champs we still had some outs to tie it up. Drapper was first to throw getting really into the game now since he saw how badly their lead was blown. His toss was up but it was way over shot! TJ and I were doing everything possible to distract the Champs attention as they threw. The other kid threw right after Drapper and his bounced shortly before the cup! Now TJ and I both had the balls and were ready. TJ again fired first with a rocket straight shot and it went in! We went into a premature celebration forgetting about the possibilities the other team still had. Drapper took one of the balls to attempt to make in, but missed! Then someone mentioned how I still had yet to throw from our turn when TJ knocked out the last cup.

So there I was, the pressure was on, with this shot I could shut out The Champs possibility of an overtime. If I were to miss the Champs would still have the other kid as an option to make the shot, putting us in sudden death, but the Champs would not be able to win in that round with a miss from me seeings how Drapper had thrown in an attempt to tie moments ago. So shifting over to my right in the doorframe and pushing back the crowd in the kitchen with my left hand I raised my right hand up holding the ball between my thumb and index finger…knowing I didn’t have much time before those behind me in the kitchen would get restless as drunks get and stumble their way out and into me I fired a shot similar to the fashion that of TJ’s…it was a bullet and it was dead on! With that shot we sealed our victory and the celebration began. I jumped up and down twice, with the second bounce being caught in midair by TJ, where he began to hump me against the wall..we were victors and it was amazing.

Then the drama happened..something with someone….drunk people who like to start things that were forgotten and put rightfully so in the past…So TJ, Joe, Steph, and myself all departed to Yogi’s, leaving the drama behind and going somewhere else where we weren’t the enemy..

After all that, my night came to a close..well kinda..i got back to the apartment and watched Swingers with commentary then went over to the nice rec center to read and type this up…










"I made her a drink!”

Greatest Night Ever....
..ever...

for reals, this monday night was the saving grace for this entire 2 month off drought...

Internet Down..
be back later...

no, for reals..talk about good timing

in the meantime, enjoy this craziness.....

http://media.www.bsudailynews.com/media/storage/paper849/news/2006/11/28/News/Do.They.Have.What.It.Takes.To.Be.Muncies.Finest-2509539.shtml?sourcedomain=www.bsudailynews.com&MIIHost=media.collegepublisher.com










"for reals?"

Fucking MTV!!!!
why's it got to be so hard...

and why does everything suck tonight/this morning

So after the fucking geek patrol left the rec center i had the liberty of changing the channel on the tv...just flipping through and i came across the mTV channel...a band was playing that caught my attention..they weren't anything really good, but it was synthy with a decent drum and bass beat...so it had potential...i waited patiently watching the entire video without being distracted by anything to catch the group's name..well guess what, mTV doesn't like to put the names of the artists or song title for the videos they are playing...if you are lucky they'll post it at the beginning, but that really doesn't help out that much if your eyes aren't glued onto the screen..i can be sitting here, a song will start with some slow and quiet introduction, when it finally gets going i'll look up, but the title will be fading...and then there is nothing at the end of the video...

what the fuck is wrong with the world, honestly, things shouldn't be this hard....whatever happened to waiting a few seconds, showing the title and all that jazz, and then at the end of the song, putting it up again...and there was a show once, i remember this, that had the artist name and song title up there for the entire song...what the shit people...

i even went so far as to look up on mtv.com to see if they listed the currently played videos or something like that..nope, no such luck...today has not gotten off to a good foot, and it has yet to start..











"i'm gonna throw this macbook across the room..."

This! is why I don't Post!!!
..fucking blogger...

fucking piece of shit false sense of security....

so i was typing up a blog and perusing the web at the same time, yes i know i hate to get interrupted or stop once i get going but this wasn't too vital, i was just trying to get into sync...anyways, i was looking at some videos, finding more of me dancing at CP, and one of the videos killed my browser and there it all went..all 8 of my tabs...wtf mate!?

so i re-open firefox and bring up my blogger account...go to the posts part and use the tool to "recover post" and what does it do...nothing...still a blank canvas for me to post on...wow...way to think that the recover post tool may actually work and my post may not be lost...

you know, this happened last night as well...so this just makes me really mad now...fuck this shit..











"fuck blogger....i quit"

Am I in a Timewarp???
..or is the world just stupid...

somebody just tell me what's going on, i just woke up...

Alright so i know that my day/time was all messed up, but for reals, this is just weird...so yes i got up really late today, who even knows what time 6pm? but in all fairness i went to bed at 11am, just as others days were beginning, or about to, mine was ending....i guess it's right there where the problem begins and thus is my timeline for punishment, follow with me...

i eventually wake, do whatever it is i do...3am rolls around (for the record i wrote out the three and followed it with am, yeah, try to do that and make sense...) and TJ strolls in so i gather my things and start to head to the rec center with the hope that the geek squad or any individual member was not there...as i exit the apartment TJ makes a comment saying that the geeks should be long gone by now since it was so late, they have their geeky things to do and would be asleep...my mind instantly flashed to the scene in Back to the Future III when Marty is concerned about running into the movie theater Indians and Doc tells him he isn't thinking fourth dimensionally......so once i make it to the rec center those Indians will be in the past...

well check out these mother fuckers, i walk into the rec center lacking a sense of worriedness and who do i see, well the whole flippin' gang was there - Geeks 1 & 2 along with Geekettes 1 & 2 - and to top if off they've been drinking...the effeminate Fred look-a-like geek #2 being the drunkest...great...i was about three seconds away from covering my balls and going to the rec center across the street, but i persevered and stayed...partly because i am lazy and the fear of going to the rec center i've never been in before just scared me into staying...and it looked like the geeks were finishing up..hopefully...

so i sat at the table surfing the web to block out the geeks touching each other, i went to a high school that didn't have walls, i've been trained to tune out anything...so online i noticed something even stranger....it appeared as if people were living as if it were afternoon...i read many away messages that went something like "eating lunch brb" or "off to work, back for dinner with the girls" and so forth...but those were away messages for people who had them, as in, there were plenty of people online without away messages and were not idle..

so here i am, after being up for only a couple hours or so, going to sleep in the afternoon and waking up in what appeared to be the same time...i don't find anything more disturbing than being confused by time....this wasn't to the extent of what normally gets to me...like waking up after accidentally falling asleep, looking at the clock, seeing it says something like 1030 and you were supposed to be somewhere at 8...but it's 8 as in the next day, you're still on the same day you fell asleep in, you don't need to get ready for school or work or anything like that...and that little bit of panic and stress makes the nap you just took null and void...

so i got nothing left to say, and i have no idea where i was going with this...it's actually 830 in the morning as i finish up this post...when i started the original one at 330...yeah, this is the third time i have wrote this post, getting only to the same point every time...and you all know how much i hate re-writing a post....











"Who needs clocks, because when i'm with you, time stands still..."

I Am Powerless...
it's like kryptonite..

I'm i getting old or am i losing it?

So december is here, yay...whatever











"When I was faster I was always behind..."

A New Post for the Ages...
..it'll be lost on everyone

the more things are possible, the less likely we are to do them

ughhhh, so i got to get back into the groove of writing, in some form or another. At Cedar Point i lost the access to blog so i took up the age old art of writing down..with pen and paper...but the season grew on, i got busier - both with work and my social life - and writing died...you'd think with more going on in my life i'd have more to write about, but no, the two are inversely related...

anyways, when the season went to weekends only i had a good four days of relaxation at a time..time to pick up the journaling once again..but low and behold i was having problems with the system. any blog i tried to upload wasn't going through - even old posts i had saved as drafts back before i left for CP weren't going through...this troubled me for some time...i started implementing the "Notes" option on Facebook as some sort of blogging device...i liked it for the simple fact that if people were to read their news feed it would tell them i had made a new note and they should go and check it out...reaching out to a larger group of people in a community where they already were....but it wasn't until thanksgiving when i finally met up with the man himself zach baiel when he told me what my problem was..something along the lines of the FTP server address had changed, whatever.

So now i'm back..but better than before, hardly. this way of movable type is lost on me still...i'd like to get back into it all...i mean i have had the inkling to start writing again, and when i say writing i mean like something worthwhile - all my past ideas that are now collecting dust i want to blow off and rekindle a fire with...all those little movie ideas and everything else..it's what i want to do, yet i'm not ready for it - if i were to attempt anything now it would be pure crap....

ughh, but what's the use, this is more therapeutic than anything else - i guess i'll have to just keep on keeping on and we'll just wait and see what comes out..











"Your efforts will go on justly rewarded"

Do I Care?
..cuz i thought i did

but i suppose the real question is, how did i get left out, or let myself get out?

So i like to peruse the internet, it's becoming a friend of mine lately, and one of the many things i like to check out is facebook - who's not guilty of that? well i get the news feed - because i fucking like it! - and i notice something that seems a little off to me. i'm always seeing little news feeds about how this one group of my friends all comment on each other's walls, are adding pictures of each other, and planning events. these people i worked and partied alongside with at Cedar Point...we were a close nit little group, hell, my CP baby's momma and CP wife are in this group i'm talking about, but it seems as though my connections with the group have been cut. I can't explain it...i mean it's not like the distance thing is a factor, you got people from all over still talking and meeting up...

so it got me thinking...is this a bad on my part...did i not try to keep in contact with anyone...you know what, no, i'm not taking the blame for this...i've probably made the last contact with all those people anyways, i did my part, reached out my hand..if they don't wanna respond to it, to hell with them....

ohhhhh, which brings up another major pain i am dealing with....the lack of response from people i try and talk to...but i will save that for another day...

anyways, i've lost all my thoughts, and this wasn't very coherant, but i need to start writing again.....ughhhhh











"ughhhhhhhhhh"