I Don't Want Kids...
well, not currently..

as in for the future i would not like kids....

i should really discuss this with my wife first, but i'll continue anyways...so lately i've been in this mood where i really do not want to bring a child into this world.




Marry X-mas...
only child style...

no, marry like in a chick you moron...

so it's christmas, and that means...well, nothing much for me. i was totally going to ignore the day, just rake it up as some normal sunday (yes i know it's monday but i feel as if i were to think about it actually being a monday i would then start mourning Tumbleweed and wanting Comedy Caravan to fill the void..neither of which are possible today). But then, then i was woken up by text messages, starting as early as 8am, wishing me a merry christmas - well it would have been a merry day had i not been interrupted from my sleep state...

but i suppose being woken up from my sleep is actually what i am looking for lately...it seems as though my weird dream phenomena streak is continuing...for all week i've been troubled by dreams that seem all too sureal, the people, occurances, emotions felt...ughh, it's enough to make me not want to go to sleep at night, or take pills to make me not dream - but i love my dreams oh so much, it's always fun to wake up in the morning and remember those crazy litle details of all the strange happenings of when you were unaware...

but these dreams, these dreams can burn...an obvious psychological deduction would be that there's a lot uneresolved issues in my past i had repressed..something that has been bottled up to the point where it is exploding in my subconscience...

you know, i do the best i can with what the people give me, i can't change the way people think, or the way they act, all i can do is try my best, giving them multiple oppurtunities to fix things..after that it's out of my hands..i just wished my mind thought that as well...

so back to this commercialized day...i had to explain the significance of this day vs new years to some foreigner i met in the rec center..he was confused as to why things were closed and nobody was going out today, but on new year's everything is packed.

so my day consisted of sitting around watching movies all day...i made very very few phone calls, maybe three, one included was my mother...and she talked to me for an hour..notice the way i stated that, she talked to me for an hour, rambling on and on about any random thing possible and giving the most overneeded detail to only go on longer than needed...the highlight though came from her responce to my x-mas dinner...

my dinner, well, all day meal - eggnog, 5-cheese freschetta pizza, and ice-cream = two kinds....ohhh, and then i cracked open a bottle of my wine (only because i saw people in one of the movies drinking a beer and suddenly i had the temptation to have a drink myself, can we say alcoholic?)

another highlight came from when i called amber out for not paying attention to me on the phone..she tried to make a comment on a topic that was being discussed, but it came a little too late, i let her finish her statement and rebutted with 'nice save but i've already changed the subject, care to comment on that?' ohhh, you know she's supposed to be the one who loves me, i expect TJ not to listen to me because he never pays attention while on the phone, and i know when i'm talking to him i'm really just saying it for my own benefit...but amber? really? come on! for her sake she will say at least she tried to humor me and comment on the topic that was being discussed mere moments ago, but we all know how i am and she knows how to keep up

so the movie's on the docket are Red Dragon, American Psycho, and possibly a third depending on how much time i spend online and playing NCAA..great huh? fuck it's a beautiful life...











"well, just don't spike the eggnog - why not? - cuz you said you were all alone, so there wouldn't be anyone to appreciate your drunk - that's why i got a cell phone mother"