well, and oldie where i come from...
"So this is my post.....I kinda brought this post on now after a comment I made on my latest blogging...I'm not going to have very thorough thoughts here, please bear with me, it's late, I’m cold, and I never really put my thoughts together, besides when I’m driving my car and can't write anything down on paper...
so we all know the old saying, "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" well for the most part that is bullshit, I think most would agree with that....for those who haven't loved, they feel like they are missing out on something beyond great, well which is true.....they want the ideal that love is, which always isn't true. Love is a funny thing, it exists on movie screens and in the minds/hearts of many, but does it really exist like that..forever. If success ultimately turns into failure, cannot love ultimately turn into hatred, well maybe not that extreme....
god, not even 10 sentences into this thing and it brings me back to the beginning of senior year with the success manifesto chapter and the "Why I Suck" essays
But as I was saying, if we are to believe that love exists, we are to believe at the same time that it does not...Buddhist thought there for ya. love is the greatest thing, in it's purest form, love is powerful, has caused wars, fortunes, disasters, stories/movies/books, love is truly amazing...and to think, just as we are told as children, set high goals, you can do whatever you want, in the same breath we are reminded that there is someone out there for you, you do have a soulmate, a better half, your destiny....if that were the case, why then is there a gender gap in population? shouldn't there be an equal amount of males versus females...and if there is someone out there, are we ever truly going to meet them, what are the odds on that one, the earth is huge with many many people on it the last time I checked....
But let's step aside from that, those billions upon billions of people...most of us find the one they love early on, right next door, highschool sweethearts.................or do they? Well what I mean is, yes I agree when I say people do find the one they love early on, highschool sweethearts, yadda yadda yadda.....but generally speaking, what I am saying is those couples are their first loves. I took a random survey at target, amoung other places, and more than 75% of the people there were with their first true loves. But what does that say about love?
How is it that more than 75% of the people I asked met, on their first real try mind you, met up with their destined love, their soul mates, their ones and onlies......
Doesn’t that statement make you think twice about this phenomenon called love? It’s also funny how most of them don't really think twice about how lucky they were to meet up with their destiny without a soul enduring search around the world. So that makes me redefine this thing called love, at least for categorizing based on it's characteristics.
How does this love thing work? they say love is blind, and obviously is must make you blind as well, blind from seeing any other person to fit into your world, blind from seeing the other's foibles, blind from making wrong decisions based on love, blind from reality, a reality wherein real love is just a dream conjectured by the movie media and implanted in our heads to think we can achieve something as great as that.
Are people really in love with their first love, or is it just the lust for love, something to fill a void in their soul, to have a feeling of self worth. and are they coping with what is presented in front of them, taking the first road left, because their not sure if there's going to be another road up further ahead.
And for those who have had that first love and moved on, whether regretfully or not, they still love that first person to this day. So now this grandiose emotion has just taken another turn here. Of the remaining percentage I polled, all still loved their first true love. now the reasons for leaving their first love vary of course, no running theme or anything of that sort we can nail, the only thing that is ever-present in these cases is being blinded by love....whether they split up because one was cheating, one was harming themselves doing drugs, beating the other, they tried to stay through thick and thin, maybe left at times, but always came back, wanted to make it work, why, because they were in love.
I believe love to be all in the mind...if you don't believe in long distance relationships, staying true to the one you love after they've been gone for a lengthy time, love at first sight, all those sorts of things, then you don't believe in love, maybe really liking someone, but love is just some metaphysical idea, in several ways it's like utopia....you find a utopia in love, but true utopias are known not to exist, short lived communes based on communistic/anarchistic ideals maybe, but nothing long term. it's a heavenly thing made to help us get through each day, thinking that we could have a love like that, could feel like that, and for those who have never felt it's power, or have and it ended horribly, well the mere thought of not having it at that moment, missing out on all it's glory, well that's enough to make you not get through that day, or any others, unless it's from six feet under....
so bringing it all back to me, where does all this go...well, as I stated with the less than 25% polled, I’m gonna do what I have to do, she moved on, I have to accept that...but of course I will always love her, she will have my heart (which brings up another rambling on here later) you know, as cohen says, there ain't no cure for love..which is basically what I am saying, you fall in love, yeah the first, the first is always hardest, why, who knows, it just is, probably you're like the other 75% and think they are your destiny and were hoping to be with them forever...but since that isn't the case, and you put your whole heart into the affair, were completely blinded by love, you begin to wake up to the reality that is life and see that the truck is no longer in your driveway and you're left with more than just a broken heart, that blinding power love has usually caused you to lose more than your senses, be it pushing away friends like in Zach's case or whatever it may be, you're at a loss for more than what may have just left...
loving, or rather the loss of, is more painful than anyone should have to bear, do the wounds heal always, I don't think so, if they do, there are defiantly scars...but yeah, love will always blind me for one person, nothing can change the way I feel about her, she can do the worst and I would always take her back, some may say it's wrong, but that's love, it's a force that can't be reckoned with, once it has it's hold on you, I don't know if you can shake it, well I haven't figured it out yet....and because she never closed the door when she left, it will always be open, open for her to walk back in.....love is a crazy crazy thing....
Listen to the song, embrace it, love it, at least read the lyrics, it couldn't be anymore truer......there ain't no cure for love"
so we all know the old saying, "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" well for the most part that is bullshit, I think most would agree with that....for those who haven't loved, they feel like they are missing out on something beyond great, well which is true.....they want the ideal that love is, which always isn't true. Love is a funny thing, it exists on movie screens and in the minds/hearts of many, but does it really exist like that..forever. If success ultimately turns into failure, cannot love ultimately turn into hatred, well maybe not that extreme....
god, not even 10 sentences into this thing and it brings me back to the beginning of senior year with the success manifesto chapter and the "Why I Suck" essays
But as I was saying, if we are to believe that love exists, we are to believe at the same time that it does not...Buddhist thought there for ya. love is the greatest thing, in it's purest form, love is powerful, has caused wars, fortunes, disasters, stories/movies/books, love is truly amazing...and to think, just as we are told as children, set high goals, you can do whatever you want, in the same breath we are reminded that there is someone out there for you, you do have a soulmate, a better half, your destiny....if that were the case, why then is there a gender gap in population? shouldn't there be an equal amount of males versus females...and if there is someone out there, are we ever truly going to meet them, what are the odds on that one, the earth is huge with many many people on it the last time I checked....
But let's step aside from that, those billions upon billions of people...most of us find the one they love early on, right next door, highschool sweethearts.................or do they? Well what I mean is, yes I agree when I say people do find the one they love early on, highschool sweethearts, yadda yadda yadda.....but generally speaking, what I am saying is those couples are their first loves. I took a random survey at target, amoung other places, and more than 75% of the people there were with their first true loves. But what does that say about love?
How is it that more than 75% of the people I asked met, on their first real try mind you, met up with their destined love, their soul mates, their ones and onlies......
Doesn’t that statement make you think twice about this phenomenon called love? It’s also funny how most of them don't really think twice about how lucky they were to meet up with their destiny without a soul enduring search around the world. So that makes me redefine this thing called love, at least for categorizing based on it's characteristics.
How does this love thing work? they say love is blind, and obviously is must make you blind as well, blind from seeing any other person to fit into your world, blind from seeing the other's foibles, blind from making wrong decisions based on love, blind from reality, a reality wherein real love is just a dream conjectured by the movie media and implanted in our heads to think we can achieve something as great as that.
Are people really in love with their first love, or is it just the lust for love, something to fill a void in their soul, to have a feeling of self worth. and are they coping with what is presented in front of them, taking the first road left, because their not sure if there's going to be another road up further ahead.
And for those who have had that first love and moved on, whether regretfully or not, they still love that first person to this day. So now this grandiose emotion has just taken another turn here. Of the remaining percentage I polled, all still loved their first true love. now the reasons for leaving their first love vary of course, no running theme or anything of that sort we can nail, the only thing that is ever-present in these cases is being blinded by love....whether they split up because one was cheating, one was harming themselves doing drugs, beating the other, they tried to stay through thick and thin, maybe left at times, but always came back, wanted to make it work, why, because they were in love.
I believe love to be all in the mind...if you don't believe in long distance relationships, staying true to the one you love after they've been gone for a lengthy time, love at first sight, all those sorts of things, then you don't believe in love, maybe really liking someone, but love is just some metaphysical idea, in several ways it's like utopia....you find a utopia in love, but true utopias are known not to exist, short lived communes based on communistic/anarchistic ideals maybe, but nothing long term. it's a heavenly thing made to help us get through each day, thinking that we could have a love like that, could feel like that, and for those who have never felt it's power, or have and it ended horribly, well the mere thought of not having it at that moment, missing out on all it's glory, well that's enough to make you not get through that day, or any others, unless it's from six feet under....
so bringing it all back to me, where does all this go...well, as I stated with the less than 25% polled, I’m gonna do what I have to do, she moved on, I have to accept that...but of course I will always love her, she will have my heart (which brings up another rambling on here later) you know, as cohen says, there ain't no cure for love..which is basically what I am saying, you fall in love, yeah the first, the first is always hardest, why, who knows, it just is, probably you're like the other 75% and think they are your destiny and were hoping to be with them forever...but since that isn't the case, and you put your whole heart into the affair, were completely blinded by love, you begin to wake up to the reality that is life and see that the truck is no longer in your driveway and you're left with more than just a broken heart, that blinding power love has usually caused you to lose more than your senses, be it pushing away friends like in Zach's case or whatever it may be, you're at a loss for more than what may have just left...
loving, or rather the loss of, is more painful than anyone should have to bear, do the wounds heal always, I don't think so, if they do, there are defiantly scars...but yeah, love will always blind me for one person, nothing can change the way I feel about her, she can do the worst and I would always take her back, some may say it's wrong, but that's love, it's a force that can't be reckoned with, once it has it's hold on you, I don't know if you can shake it, well I haven't figured it out yet....and because she never closed the door when she left, it will always be open, open for her to walk back in.....love is a crazy crazy thing....
Listen to the song, embrace it, love it, at least read the lyrics, it couldn't be anymore truer......there ain't no cure for love"
~Posted by Jangus on Thursday, October 02, 2003 at 3:45 am on his Xanga ~Re-posted by Jangus on February 14th, 2004 at 2:44 am on his LiveJournal
7 comments:
self loathing bitch....
I love you....
in a completely gay way too....
haahaa! No comment on TJ's comment.
There are many points to your blog... the crappy things about "love." But also many things I could argue... don't know where to start so I won't.
cynthia, you suck...that's the point of a comment...so come on...
Well, first of all there are some people that don't still love that first great love in their life (Ahem... myself!) I appreciate the relationship because it taught me more about myself than I could have thought, but in no way could I ever say I love him or could have the potential to ever love him again. I think people are put in our lives to enrich them. I think that "love" is so idealized that people see a relationship as a success or a failure based on the amount of "love" attained or by whatever the ultimate outcome of the relationship may be. Be it "love" or not, a successful relationship is one where you learn something about yourself or how you interact with others. And yes, the wounds do heal if you allow them to, and you learn a lesson from each wound. Like a scar it makes you a little tougher than you were before, and you are ready to take on new challenges and learn new things.
There's your comment...
I love it when she talks about me in comments.... lol...
not you TJ!
H -"what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger right?"
D - "Oh no, quite the opposite in fact..you're as fragile as a newborn baby right now..."
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