and people suck more...
it's almost 9am on this Ohio morning..last night was the first night i was actually awoken by noises or people coming down the stairs..i wake up before my alarm goes off, and just lay there..i don't want to get up. my phone quacks and i shut it off, i know i have to get on my way now for if i don't, i'll just be angry i got off to a late start...i dress and gather my things. i double check to make sure i got it all before i go upstairs to wake TJ, letting him know i was leaving.
we say our goodbyes, and i drive off into the morning with my back to the rising sun. initially i made a wrong turn, getting onto the southbound ramp of the highway i needed, i fucking hate getting lost in places i am unfamiliar with..i supposed you really couldn't get lost if you knew where you were though, so whatever..i throw my worthless iphone around in the cabin of my car like a red-headed step child..had the window been open, that shit would have been electronic roadkill...
i make the necessary turn around and get back on track...i'm heading to indy, this time it's for reals. my friend joy texts me throughout my trip, i think she's the only one i know up at this hour...ok, maybe i know only two people..whatever..she eventually calls me after her breakfast and we talk..she tries to keep me on the straight and narrow path of forgetting my ex, exploiting all the wrongs that she did and continues to do...i feel like i am being brainwashed, but i drink from the Kool-Aid anyways..in desperate times we cling to what seems the most comforting - a bottle of booze, a cock inside ya, religion, whatever makes things easier on you...(in some cases, a mixture of what i just said)
i get on a kick and tell Joy that if when she is 35 and still not married, we'll do the deed - i think i've made promises like these before in life, but nobody i still talk to, so i'm good. she corrects me by changing the date, she tells me if she is 28 and not married yet, we will tie those knots. we pick today's date, well sorta, we originally pick today's date, but i check and find out October 12th is the Saturday, so we go with that...it makes me feel better, something said just to make me smile...
But five years? are you kidding me...like, we would need to start planning the wedding in four years..i don't feel as if that's enough time for me to move on and find someone else...five years flies by quickly..hell, i was with buttercup a year and a half...that didn't seem that long...four years will be here before i know it...
i've got cold feet already. i reach the Indiana boarder and i think what a horrible idea it would be to marry my friend Joy..had this been three years ago, when i said let's get married in a half-hearted whimsical fashion, sure...but things are different now...i've only been wanting to date the girl since i knew her, but as time passed, we forged a great friendship, one without the possibility for any sexual activity whatsoever - her making this decision long ago, and me accepting it a little later...we are both too similar to try and be in a relationship with one another - if there was a female version of me, she'd come pretty close..and well, that can't bode well...
back to my place, it's 230..just enough time to take it easy, a nice pace to get ready for work..
i stroll into work a little earlier than usual in hopes i can get some food..well, there was food available, it just wasn't that edible..in the process of trying to feed myself i turn to my right and who do i see - oh, it's pat...i sit down, ignoring him, but he eventually comes up to me, asking what happened with yesterday...i go through my side of the story...he doesn't remember a thing, he barley remembers speaking to soapy manager..he was so fucking blitzed out of his mind on drugs and alcohol he couldn't keep his word to take my shift...
it's not the first time i have been on the receiving end of the short stick from Pat...asshole. so he asks who's gonna be in trouble, word from the host staff tells me that we are both getting written up, but i know since it was my shift and not in the book officially for him to take it, it's all gonna be on me, but we'll see.
i'm on patio with another server, i make a vow that if i make 200 i'll go gambling...see, when i'm on patio, which is a lot, i hardly ever make money..soo i'm saying the odds are against me..get it..anyways...the night goes on, i deal with a table that tried to be fun, but are just assholes, i get the verbal tip from them on a $500 bill..had they tipped what they should have..in the end, i think i would have actually made 200...go figure, such is life.
i return home, funny no text messages in reply from last night...cool..i know my friend Carol isn't coming this weekend anymore, so i have the night to myself i suppose..i have tomorrow off, so i can stay up all night..but where's the fun in that..i am reminded of a conversation i had on Tuesday with Joy when she was talking about how she stays up all night, will take a cat nap, then be running on the treadmill and whatever..i responded with, "sounds like our (TJ and mine) lives..only with out the treadmill.." TJ interjects, "and the things to do.." ughh, i just want to sleep
i make a call on over to the ex, i want to see her tomorrow - i'm still a little upset i was dropped mid conversation then had no apology or explanatory text the next day, friends will do that, because friends care, right? then i shoot her a text because i got the voicemail..i ask for some things that i know are in her trunk, and i know she will be passing through Indy tomorrow..i ask for 15 minutes - she calls and tells me nothing is just 15 minutes with me...she asks what do i really want - i go off on a tangent about my father's visit...i waste 50 minutes of her time spilling my heart and true emotion from that weekend, i apologize for all the wrong i may have caused, and i start talking about our relationship..i honestly didn't want to go there, but it all bleeds together..she's tired and has had enough, she tells me she is going to bed and doesn't know if she'll stop by or not tomorrow...
i go about cleaning my room and starting laundry..it's well after 2am...i eventually stop the madness and go to sleep somewhere after 4, i have a big day tomorrow and i don't expect to see her either...
we say our goodbyes, and i drive off into the morning with my back to the rising sun. initially i made a wrong turn, getting onto the southbound ramp of the highway i needed, i fucking hate getting lost in places i am unfamiliar with..i supposed you really couldn't get lost if you knew where you were though, so whatever..i throw my worthless iphone around in the cabin of my car like a red-headed step child..had the window been open, that shit would have been electronic roadkill...
i make the necessary turn around and get back on track...i'm heading to indy, this time it's for reals. my friend joy texts me throughout my trip, i think she's the only one i know up at this hour...ok, maybe i know only two people..whatever..she eventually calls me after her breakfast and we talk..she tries to keep me on the straight and narrow path of forgetting my ex, exploiting all the wrongs that she did and continues to do...i feel like i am being brainwashed, but i drink from the Kool-Aid anyways..in desperate times we cling to what seems the most comforting - a bottle of booze, a cock inside ya, religion, whatever makes things easier on you...(in some cases, a mixture of what i just said)
i get on a kick and tell Joy that if when she is 35 and still not married, we'll do the deed - i think i've made promises like these before in life, but nobody i still talk to, so i'm good. she corrects me by changing the date, she tells me if she is 28 and not married yet, we will tie those knots. we pick today's date, well sorta, we originally pick today's date, but i check and find out October 12th is the Saturday, so we go with that...it makes me feel better, something said just to make me smile...
But five years? are you kidding me...like, we would need to start planning the wedding in four years..i don't feel as if that's enough time for me to move on and find someone else...five years flies by quickly..hell, i was with buttercup a year and a half...that didn't seem that long...four years will be here before i know it...
i've got cold feet already. i reach the Indiana boarder and i think what a horrible idea it would be to marry my friend Joy..had this been three years ago, when i said let's get married in a half-hearted whimsical fashion, sure...but things are different now...i've only been wanting to date the girl since i knew her, but as time passed, we forged a great friendship, one without the possibility for any sexual activity whatsoever - her making this decision long ago, and me accepting it a little later...we are both too similar to try and be in a relationship with one another - if there was a female version of me, she'd come pretty close..and well, that can't bode well...
back to my place, it's 230..just enough time to take it easy, a nice pace to get ready for work..
i stroll into work a little earlier than usual in hopes i can get some food..well, there was food available, it just wasn't that edible..in the process of trying to feed myself i turn to my right and who do i see - oh, it's pat...i sit down, ignoring him, but he eventually comes up to me, asking what happened with yesterday...i go through my side of the story...he doesn't remember a thing, he barley remembers speaking to soapy manager..he was so fucking blitzed out of his mind on drugs and alcohol he couldn't keep his word to take my shift...
it's not the first time i have been on the receiving end of the short stick from Pat...asshole. so he asks who's gonna be in trouble, word from the host staff tells me that we are both getting written up, but i know since it was my shift and not in the book officially for him to take it, it's all gonna be on me, but we'll see.
i'm on patio with another server, i make a vow that if i make 200 i'll go gambling...see, when i'm on patio, which is a lot, i hardly ever make money..soo i'm saying the odds are against me..get it..anyways...the night goes on, i deal with a table that tried to be fun, but are just assholes, i get the verbal tip from them on a $500 bill..had they tipped what they should have..in the end, i think i would have actually made 200...go figure, such is life.
i return home, funny no text messages in reply from last night...cool..i know my friend Carol isn't coming this weekend anymore, so i have the night to myself i suppose..i have tomorrow off, so i can stay up all night..but where's the fun in that..i am reminded of a conversation i had on Tuesday with Joy when she was talking about how she stays up all night, will take a cat nap, then be running on the treadmill and whatever..i responded with, "sounds like our (TJ and mine) lives..only with out the treadmill.." TJ interjects, "and the things to do.." ughh, i just want to sleep
i make a call on over to the ex, i want to see her tomorrow - i'm still a little upset i was dropped mid conversation then had no apology or explanatory text the next day, friends will do that, because friends care, right? then i shoot her a text because i got the voicemail..i ask for some things that i know are in her trunk, and i know she will be passing through Indy tomorrow..i ask for 15 minutes - she calls and tells me nothing is just 15 minutes with me...she asks what do i really want - i go off on a tangent about my father's visit...i waste 50 minutes of her time spilling my heart and true emotion from that weekend, i apologize for all the wrong i may have caused, and i start talking about our relationship..i honestly didn't want to go there, but it all bleeds together..she's tired and has had enough, she tells me she is going to bed and doesn't know if she'll stop by or not tomorrow...
i go about cleaning my room and starting laundry..it's well after 2am...i eventually stop the madness and go to sleep somewhere after 4, i have a big day tomorrow and i don't expect to see her either...
"the only thing you ever hear me say is 'i hate you'.."
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