or am trying to..
So after getting the taste of alcohol on my palate Thursday, going out three nights in a row prior to that, the continued feeling of wanting to 'fuck shit up' on Friday, not getting to do a damn thing Saturday, i got my wishes today...
my day started off early, i was in some sort of mood though, one that would last throughout the day. i wasn't angry, or cocky, some may say funk, but it's not like that..i cant quite explain it...i'll just tell my stories..
today is in my day of rotation to shave - i shave every other day, just because i hate to shave, and so does my face. i can get away with it, what with having light colored hair and all. i make my way to the bathroom, needing to shower before i shave, but i look in the mirror, pause, and say fuck it...i showered just hours ago so i really don't need one at this moment and head back to my bed..ughhh, 7am is so early...
i don't know what it is with me, i could sleep for 6 hours or 18 hours and still not want to get up, they say breaking up is hard to do, i'd change that to 'waking up is hard to do'...i've never been a morning person because of this, my juices get flowing in the night. maybe it's the fact i have to face reality once again, my dreams are over, back to the grind, same ol same ol, nothing special - maybe its that mentality that makes me not want to get up or out of bed...or maybe its just natural.
i arrive to work at 8, my section is the patio, and i'm the only one on it til 10, this might actually turn out to be a decent shift. it's a beautiful day out so i quickly set up the patio, piecing it together, throwing table cloths all over the place, trying to hurry so i can get the breakfast crowd in my station. it's not long before it starts to happen...and before i know it i had an eight top, three deuces, and a one top...the patio is half full at this point, more tables are coming out but the host staff feels that's enough for me....everyone else inside is just standing around, hating me for the most part because i walk in and get the majority of the covers...for once it was good to be on patio...
lunch was the opposite - i had two other servers on the patio with me, plus we had the cocktail lounge...and for some reason i always wind up taking care of the tables there..we were supposed to pool, but as the day grew on so did the tension of the staff...the other breakfast guy i was working with and i were cut, the third of our group was to stay...but then the third was told to go on break, and my breakfast partner was told he wasn't cut....our SA left before we could tip him out, then the third in our group left without pooling our money together..it was a mess..
as i am checking out, Sean is about ready to leave and asks me what my plans are..of course i have none, so he invites me to hang with him and watch the game..i oblige - even if he is a hardcore demoncrat - we get along very well though..the destination, Hooters...honestly, that place could not exist and i wouldn't notice, sorry Dpants.
we arrive and sit on the rail, or whatever it is, opposite the bar..i now know why Sean comes here, he knows practically everyone in here, from wait staff to patrons...the drink of choice is Killians, good ol game watching beer. there was a point in the afternoon i would have cut myself off, i would have slowed down..but the beer kept on coming, i don't know if Sean was asking for it for himself, for both of us, or the girls just wanted to make me worthless, but the drinks kept coming, and who am i to turn down a drink.
i go over my drink limit, i'm beyond the point of return, might as well keep chugging, literally. i haven't been drunk in awhile - sure i've drank, but drunk....my birthday..and before that, Disney...that is my life. i can't explain why i fell out of the drinking scene, it wasn't like i took a stand against it, i just kinda exited out the backdoor and nobody took notice, not even myself.
after the fourth or fifth round of beers were finished Sean decides to mix it up..liquor - i know, horrible idea right? i oblige, trying not to look like a pansy here, hell, maybe it was i who suggested or pushed for it, i can't recall. i order my normal G&T, but they were out of tonic, so my only other option (in my head i can only think about two drinks while intoxicated, the one i have, and the one i want..usually the same thing) is to go for a makers and sprite. before i know it, i'm sipping the last bit of liquid out of my second glass...
the check comes per request of Sean, i don't even wanna think about how much we drank...but the bill only reflects thirty dollars - half of which were the two pasta salads we ate...wow, i can see why this guy keeps coming back. since we got the hook up, we returned the favor, 100% tips are always appreciated.
we depart and i start my walk back to my car, i put on my sunglasses, not to hide the sun, but to hide my eyes from passerbys on the sidewalk. my dilated pupils are enough to frighten most people. i pull out my phone, ughh, you know what's gonna happen here..
i tell myself i'm gonna call every number in my phone - this is a little better now seeings how just last week i updated the address book, removing half the contacts that were in there, still leaving me with slightly over 100 though. i call Joy, leave a message...I call TJ...leave a message, does the world know i am drunk or something?
i hold that thought momentarily while i drive back home, probably the only thing to stop me from using my cell phone while driving is alcohol, thats probably for the better...
i make it home, it's 6..i'd been drinking for the past 4 hours, my body is going to hate me...inside my place i lay in bed and continue the calling...i call Lady O (aka dream girl in my phone) she answers. i chat it up with her, we do some catching up, i swear this call lasted an hour..she asked me how things were with 'facebook drama girl', asked about my father's trip, i start to think in my head how does she know, or partially know some of the things she is making mention to...could it be possible that Lady O reads the blog too? she tells me she's gonna finish up her, shhhhhh cooking, and give me a call back in a few hours, fair enough...
i wake up an hour later...i'm sitting in the dark, yes sitting, sitting where i was when Lady O ended our call, right on the toilet. i try to gather my senses, but i'm drunk, officially...i decide to possible let someone else use the bathroom seeings how this is the only one in the house, and make my way into my room. as i crash into bed my phone rings, it's TJ..i can't recall what we talked about, i just think the conversation was quick...i pass back out...
it's 11:30 and i'm waking up for the second time tonight...i feel like shit moreso only because my body aches, it's funny to me that the only thing not in pain is my feet, the one thing that was hurting earlier today..but now everything else hurts to move. i'm not going to be able to go to sleep forever tonight..and that's all i really wanna do, that and remove the metallic taste from my mouth...
i suppose if i could make two highlights from this evening it would be that i didn't puke (i hate throwing up, and dry heaving is the worst) and i didn't call the ex...thankfully my ambition to dial everyone lasted for only three calls...i think you all can thank Lady O for that one, she had possession of the ball and milked the clock til it was all over...nice strategy...
in other news i found out today that Joy has been reading the blog, i didn't think she was reading it, i just thought she followed my status updates on facebook and talked to me..i mean, i do know it is advertised on every profile i have on the internet, but still...it's not a bad thing that she reads it, no, i mean, that's part of the idea behind a blog, to have people read the shit you write..i just didn't think she did..i go over in my head any asinine thing i may have said in here..and of course she lets me know while i'm piss drunk - i can't defend myself, my words, nothing without my mind fully functioning..i don't even remember what i say to her via texts nor the voicemail i left her, and i do not want to...it probably wasn't the right thing at all, and it probably just made matters worse...
i think she questioned as to why i call her Joy, maybe she did, maybe i am making this up, who knows, but i'll continue for my betterment...i don't use real names, everyone with the exception of TJ has a pseudonym...it's usually a play on their original name or some crafty nickname i gave them...it's gotten to the point where i actually had to make a list of real names and their counterparts to reference so i could correctly use them in the blog.
but to get all heart felt and sentimental, here's the explanation...despite Joy's situation, past or present, no matter what is going on around her, even if she is about to have a breakdown, she still possesses that bit of joy to her...maybe i'm the only one who notices, but she could call me upset at the world, and all i would hear is the bliss of her soul. she's always brought happiness to me (even though she may have left me at CP and it saddened me..it was needed). we've gone months without talking to one another, for whatever reason, nothing bad just situational i suppose, but when we do talk, we pick it all up like we haven't missed a beat. she's a great woman who's been there for me in the past three years...it's also my mother's middle name - though my mother may hate it, and though my mother and i aren't very close, Joy gives me a sense of a motherly love i suppose in a way...
she brings out the joy in me and that is why i named her Joy.
my day started off early, i was in some sort of mood though, one that would last throughout the day. i wasn't angry, or cocky, some may say funk, but it's not like that..i cant quite explain it...i'll just tell my stories..
today is in my day of rotation to shave - i shave every other day, just because i hate to shave, and so does my face. i can get away with it, what with having light colored hair and all. i make my way to the bathroom, needing to shower before i shave, but i look in the mirror, pause, and say fuck it...i showered just hours ago so i really don't need one at this moment and head back to my bed..ughhh, 7am is so early...
i don't know what it is with me, i could sleep for 6 hours or 18 hours and still not want to get up, they say breaking up is hard to do, i'd change that to 'waking up is hard to do'...i've never been a morning person because of this, my juices get flowing in the night. maybe it's the fact i have to face reality once again, my dreams are over, back to the grind, same ol same ol, nothing special - maybe its that mentality that makes me not want to get up or out of bed...or maybe its just natural.
i arrive to work at 8, my section is the patio, and i'm the only one on it til 10, this might actually turn out to be a decent shift. it's a beautiful day out so i quickly set up the patio, piecing it together, throwing table cloths all over the place, trying to hurry so i can get the breakfast crowd in my station. it's not long before it starts to happen...and before i know it i had an eight top, three deuces, and a one top...the patio is half full at this point, more tables are coming out but the host staff feels that's enough for me....everyone else inside is just standing around, hating me for the most part because i walk in and get the majority of the covers...for once it was good to be on patio...
lunch was the opposite - i had two other servers on the patio with me, plus we had the cocktail lounge...and for some reason i always wind up taking care of the tables there..we were supposed to pool, but as the day grew on so did the tension of the staff...the other breakfast guy i was working with and i were cut, the third of our group was to stay...but then the third was told to go on break, and my breakfast partner was told he wasn't cut....our SA left before we could tip him out, then the third in our group left without pooling our money together..it was a mess..
as i am checking out, Sean is about ready to leave and asks me what my plans are..of course i have none, so he invites me to hang with him and watch the game..i oblige - even if he is a hardcore demoncrat - we get along very well though..the destination, Hooters...honestly, that place could not exist and i wouldn't notice, sorry Dpants.
we arrive and sit on the rail, or whatever it is, opposite the bar..i now know why Sean comes here, he knows practically everyone in here, from wait staff to patrons...the drink of choice is Killians, good ol game watching beer. there was a point in the afternoon i would have cut myself off, i would have slowed down..but the beer kept on coming, i don't know if Sean was asking for it for himself, for both of us, or the girls just wanted to make me worthless, but the drinks kept coming, and who am i to turn down a drink.
i go over my drink limit, i'm beyond the point of return, might as well keep chugging, literally. i haven't been drunk in awhile - sure i've drank, but drunk....my birthday..and before that, Disney...that is my life. i can't explain why i fell out of the drinking scene, it wasn't like i took a stand against it, i just kinda exited out the backdoor and nobody took notice, not even myself.
after the fourth or fifth round of beers were finished Sean decides to mix it up..liquor - i know, horrible idea right? i oblige, trying not to look like a pansy here, hell, maybe it was i who suggested or pushed for it, i can't recall. i order my normal G&T, but they were out of tonic, so my only other option (in my head i can only think about two drinks while intoxicated, the one i have, and the one i want..usually the same thing) is to go for a makers and sprite. before i know it, i'm sipping the last bit of liquid out of my second glass...
the check comes per request of Sean, i don't even wanna think about how much we drank...but the bill only reflects thirty dollars - half of which were the two pasta salads we ate...wow, i can see why this guy keeps coming back. since we got the hook up, we returned the favor, 100% tips are always appreciated.
we depart and i start my walk back to my car, i put on my sunglasses, not to hide the sun, but to hide my eyes from passerbys on the sidewalk. my dilated pupils are enough to frighten most people. i pull out my phone, ughh, you know what's gonna happen here..
i tell myself i'm gonna call every number in my phone - this is a little better now seeings how just last week i updated the address book, removing half the contacts that were in there, still leaving me with slightly over 100 though. i call Joy, leave a message...I call TJ...leave a message, does the world know i am drunk or something?
i hold that thought momentarily while i drive back home, probably the only thing to stop me from using my cell phone while driving is alcohol, thats probably for the better...
i make it home, it's 6..i'd been drinking for the past 4 hours, my body is going to hate me...inside my place i lay in bed and continue the calling...i call Lady O (aka dream girl in my phone) she answers. i chat it up with her, we do some catching up, i swear this call lasted an hour..she asked me how things were with 'facebook drama girl', asked about my father's trip, i start to think in my head how does she know, or partially know some of the things she is making mention to...could it be possible that Lady O reads the blog too? she tells me she's gonna finish up her, shhhhhh cooking, and give me a call back in a few hours, fair enough...
i wake up an hour later...i'm sitting in the dark, yes sitting, sitting where i was when Lady O ended our call, right on the toilet. i try to gather my senses, but i'm drunk, officially...i decide to possible let someone else use the bathroom seeings how this is the only one in the house, and make my way into my room. as i crash into bed my phone rings, it's TJ..i can't recall what we talked about, i just think the conversation was quick...i pass back out...
it's 11:30 and i'm waking up for the second time tonight...i feel like shit moreso only because my body aches, it's funny to me that the only thing not in pain is my feet, the one thing that was hurting earlier today..but now everything else hurts to move. i'm not going to be able to go to sleep forever tonight..and that's all i really wanna do, that and remove the metallic taste from my mouth...
i suppose if i could make two highlights from this evening it would be that i didn't puke (i hate throwing up, and dry heaving is the worst) and i didn't call the ex...thankfully my ambition to dial everyone lasted for only three calls...i think you all can thank Lady O for that one, she had possession of the ball and milked the clock til it was all over...nice strategy...
in other news i found out today that Joy has been reading the blog, i didn't think she was reading it, i just thought she followed my status updates on facebook and talked to me..i mean, i do know it is advertised on every profile i have on the internet, but still...it's not a bad thing that she reads it, no, i mean, that's part of the idea behind a blog, to have people read the shit you write..i just didn't think she did..i go over in my head any asinine thing i may have said in here..and of course she lets me know while i'm piss drunk - i can't defend myself, my words, nothing without my mind fully functioning..i don't even remember what i say to her via texts nor the voicemail i left her, and i do not want to...it probably wasn't the right thing at all, and it probably just made matters worse...
i think she questioned as to why i call her Joy, maybe she did, maybe i am making this up, who knows, but i'll continue for my betterment...i don't use real names, everyone with the exception of TJ has a pseudonym...it's usually a play on their original name or some crafty nickname i gave them...it's gotten to the point where i actually had to make a list of real names and their counterparts to reference so i could correctly use them in the blog.
but to get all heart felt and sentimental, here's the explanation...despite Joy's situation, past or present, no matter what is going on around her, even if she is about to have a breakdown, she still possesses that bit of joy to her...maybe i'm the only one who notices, but she could call me upset at the world, and all i would hear is the bliss of her soul. she's always brought happiness to me (even though she may have left me at CP and it saddened me..it was needed). we've gone months without talking to one another, for whatever reason, nothing bad just situational i suppose, but when we do talk, we pick it all up like we haven't missed a beat. she's a great woman who's been there for me in the past three years...it's also my mother's middle name - though my mother may hate it, and though my mother and i aren't very close, Joy gives me a sense of a motherly love i suppose in a way...
she brings out the joy in me and that is why i named her Joy.
"What's your tolerance like, cuz you sound fine right now..."
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