Damned if You Don't
you know...there's a reason why i don't finish writing and post the days events until the next day, then back log the time so it follows my life correctly and makes sense...it seems as if everytime i go ahead and make that post, try to call it a night, something is bound to happen..yesterday was no different.
Cpydi calls it quits chatting with me on aim around 1am...i just want to sleep and really should have been knocked out at this point completly..to the point where nothing should have woke me, not even a text message...but life doesn't work out like that..instead i was up doing the best i could to pass out...my phone goes off a little after 130 with a message of, 'r u awake?' i don't even take notice of who is sending me the text as my phone was sideways and i'm in the numb state from a half working sleeping aid, so i naturally reply, "of course, it's only 130...." - i should have taken a full pill
it was the ex, of course it was, and i was confused as to why i was getting a text from her - call it instinct or whatever, but i knew something was up...so we strike up a conversation, she asks if i'm in bed with my girlfriend - i still don't know where she gets her information from - so i try to just bore her with my anecdote of half a sleeping pill story..it only takes a turn for the worse...
all of a sudden she tells me she hates her life, everything sucks, and it just continues..i'm confused as i have heard nothing but how she has been livin' it up ever since she broke up with me, so this is truly a shock to hear...she goes further in deatail of what's been going on, yet being vague as well...she tells me she misses me, thinks about me everyday, and i'm just like - no..no, do not play those cards....they were supposed to be removed from the deck and not in play, ever...now i just wanna grab my chips and head out before more shit goes down..but again, i'm just in shock...
she tells me that she thought everything was all fun and games, but it's really not, she just wants to die, she tried committing suicide two weeks ago - stop, call me now...she won't, of course not - why would she...she now realizes what she has said to me and is trying to go to bed..she tells me i don't care, i sholdn't care, i don't love her, and all this is not my job...i tell her i do care, i care for her as a person, and although it may not be my job to look after her, i still am compassionate to her well being..i tell her if i didn't care i wouldn't be trying to have her call me at 2am when i have to be up in three hours for work....
of course none of this flies with her...i even go so far as to point out how dare she say i don't care about her when i can throw in her face the fact she has yet to visit my blog...i gave out clear, not instructions, but yeah, instructions on how to let me know she still cared - if yes visit the blog and read about me, because the people who read, care...if not, don't read..i'll know either way..i know it's not going anywhere and make a deal with her..i tell her to call me tomorrow after her one o'clock class so we could talk about things or i would drive down to The Hole and punch her in her face...she doesn't beleive i'll come down, tells me she's not gonna call, and says goodnight for the fifth time...
apparently all the ambien needed was to be circulated into my body with a racing heartbeat...i pass right after the text conversation.
i wake up and i'm comfy, i roll over to go back to sleep, but i feel a little too refreshed, i know i didn't have much time to sleep to begin with, just how much is remaining til my alarm goes off..i find my phone burried in the covers, click on the power button to reveal the time...i have negative fourteen minutes to get to work, coooooool.
i make the call to work as i run into the bathroom..i look at myself in the mirror to check my face, today's the other day and it's on my schedule for me to shave...i say fuck to the shower and shave and just decide to get dressed..
-->side story= As i am almost pulling into my parking lot i get a call from my manager B Hewey, he asks me to go and pick up two loaves of wheat bread, i oblige and head down to the marsh just a mile away..i find it, park, and as i walk into the door, i walk into the door..it doesn't open..i look and see a sign, open at 7..wtf? so i make my way over to the kroger a couple miles north...same situation..are you kidding me?! how are things not open in indy until 7..luckily as i turned back toward the restaurant being defeated by downtown, i saw that walgreens was open 24/7..i went inside and purchased the last two loaves of wheat bread..yay for today...
work is dead, of course, and i leave the place after 3 only because i was talking to a co-worker who came in to sit in the cocktail lounge..one of the few i have time for...i make my way back home, start to wind down, i'm bloody tired, but i check my phone - of course i wouldn't have a call or text, this is a test and it's game on...
i nap knowing i'll need all the energy possible to go forth with this absolutely retarded idea...i eventually wake up, shower, and get ready...i asked my friend Gary to join me in going to Bdubs...he thinks we are going to the one downtown that just opened, i've got a surprise for him...
i meet him at his place, his roommate Phil tells me how horrible of an idea it is to bring Gary, i told him i really needed the back up, because should this blow up in my face as i predict it, i'm gonna need somebody there for reinforcement..he understands that i gotta do what i gotta do and prays for me..
we drive..we drive...not even three seconds on the road and i already want to turn around....this has to be in the top five worst ideas i've ever had and gone through with...i can turn around at anytime...my gut tells me i've got shit for brains..i continue...
we show up to Bdubs at 9, a lot later than i originaly wanted, but her car is still there, so i'm assuming she is too..of course i pull up next to her car and park. we go inside, she's been cut, i tell the host to seat me and tell her she needs to pick up the table, i think i said the line, "for me, she will be uncut". i sit and hide in the booth...what a fucking stupid idea...Gary watches the interaction with the host and buttercup, i hide behind a menu, buttercup doesn't recognize Gary and some random server greets us...
i don't know if buttercup ever really saw me..at one point she came out from the back, got on her tippie toes to look over to our booth to see us, i made eye contact, but there was no emotion from her, she clocked out and walked out with her boyfriend...i send a text saying, "you should have picked up that table"
we enjoy our meal, kinda...our waitress actually sucked - i don't know what it is but that's like three bad servers in a row for me...it's an hour later, i've finished 15 wings, and two double gin and tonics when we decide to leave. i send a warning text to Buttercup, and then make a call....voicemail..i leave one saying i'd call back in 5 minutes so she could have ample time to remove herself from whatever situation she was in to talk to me..i drive around town, seven minutes later i make the call and tell her, in the nicest way possible, to get her stuff this weekend, that is all..
we get back on the highway and head home...i think it went better than expected?
Midway through the drive, Gary receives a phone call..it's from his most recent ex that broke his heart...they haven't talked in well over a month..he answers...he seems calm and cool during the conversation, until the phone closes..then it's a bust of emotion, that which rocks my car doing 75mph....intense...
we're back in indy and not but 2 miles from Gary's place and my phone rings, it's my ex..she's angry, angry at the 'mean' voicemails i sent her, she sounds drunk already on top of it. she questions my calls and my attitude, then questions as to why i came down - because that was the deal i created, no call and i'll come down (to punch you in your face) - she has two responses, "how am i supposed to remember that, i was drunk last night - and two - i don't have to do your every wish, like i did before, and shouldn't have done before...it's a freaking phone call...
i tell her i came down as jangus the human being who cares about the well being of those close to me, not jangus the ex, or jangus hoping to get back together..just jangus the friend...she tells me how she can't be friends with me right now -note, i said that to her two weeks ago and it wasn't ok, now that the words come from her mouth, they are golden....
she hates how contradictory i am - telling me how i always say i hate people, yet here i am saying i am caring and compassionate...i try to explain, yes i do hate people, i hate a lot of things, but the people who are closest to know, even those who don't know me that well, would all say i would give you the shirt off my back, not if you asked, but if i thought you needed it (ties into with me being a hopeless romantic, and yes i will pull over for broken down vehicles) she tries to tell me my at one time good friend Jade would not say that, and in fact would like me dead...
the ex continues to say that she won't be able to come this weekend to get her stuff - i pull the car over and shift it forcibly into park...i bite my tongue..'do you realize i live two minutes off the highway you'll be traveling on this weekend...' she snaps back saying she doesn't have time to carry a TV and fridge by herself...i try to calm myself down, she is really provoking jangus b to throw jangus a out of the way and take over the conversation...
my tunnel vision opens and Gary makes a mention that we are like one block from his place..i gather my senses and continue down the road, continuing the conversation as well. once parked i get out of the car and pace the parking lot, cool, one big open area for me to wander around in while lost on the phone. she ends the conversation saying she has a paper to write, i of course am upset with her always ending the conversation so abruptly, but oblige..she tells me she just wants her stuff back, i tell her to never drunk dial or text me ever again....especially when it's things that she doesn't really mean...she tells me she will never make that mistake again...
i walk inside, all eyes turn to me, a drink is placed in my hand..the night is still young, so don't stop thinking about tomorrow..yesterday's gone, oh, yesterday's gone for sure...
Cpydi calls it quits chatting with me on aim around 1am...i just want to sleep and really should have been knocked out at this point completly..to the point where nothing should have woke me, not even a text message...but life doesn't work out like that..instead i was up doing the best i could to pass out...my phone goes off a little after 130 with a message of, 'r u awake?' i don't even take notice of who is sending me the text as my phone was sideways and i'm in the numb state from a half working sleeping aid, so i naturally reply, "of course, it's only 130...." - i should have taken a full pill
it was the ex, of course it was, and i was confused as to why i was getting a text from her - call it instinct or whatever, but i knew something was up...so we strike up a conversation, she asks if i'm in bed with my girlfriend - i still don't know where she gets her information from - so i try to just bore her with my anecdote of half a sleeping pill story..it only takes a turn for the worse...
all of a sudden she tells me she hates her life, everything sucks, and it just continues..i'm confused as i have heard nothing but how she has been livin' it up ever since she broke up with me, so this is truly a shock to hear...she goes further in deatail of what's been going on, yet being vague as well...she tells me she misses me, thinks about me everyday, and i'm just like - no..no, do not play those cards....they were supposed to be removed from the deck and not in play, ever...now i just wanna grab my chips and head out before more shit goes down..but again, i'm just in shock...
she tells me that she thought everything was all fun and games, but it's really not, she just wants to die, she tried committing suicide two weeks ago - stop, call me now...she won't, of course not - why would she...she now realizes what she has said to me and is trying to go to bed..she tells me i don't care, i sholdn't care, i don't love her, and all this is not my job...i tell her i do care, i care for her as a person, and although it may not be my job to look after her, i still am compassionate to her well being..i tell her if i didn't care i wouldn't be trying to have her call me at 2am when i have to be up in three hours for work....
of course none of this flies with her...i even go so far as to point out how dare she say i don't care about her when i can throw in her face the fact she has yet to visit my blog...i gave out clear, not instructions, but yeah, instructions on how to let me know she still cared - if yes visit the blog and read about me, because the people who read, care...if not, don't read..i'll know either way..i know it's not going anywhere and make a deal with her..i tell her to call me tomorrow after her one o'clock class so we could talk about things or i would drive down to The Hole and punch her in her face...she doesn't beleive i'll come down, tells me she's not gonna call, and says goodnight for the fifth time...
apparently all the ambien needed was to be circulated into my body with a racing heartbeat...i pass right after the text conversation.
i wake up and i'm comfy, i roll over to go back to sleep, but i feel a little too refreshed, i know i didn't have much time to sleep to begin with, just how much is remaining til my alarm goes off..i find my phone burried in the covers, click on the power button to reveal the time...i have negative fourteen minutes to get to work, coooooool.
i make the call to work as i run into the bathroom..i look at myself in the mirror to check my face, today's the other day and it's on my schedule for me to shave...i say fuck to the shower and shave and just decide to get dressed..
-->side story= As i am almost pulling into my parking lot i get a call from my manager B Hewey, he asks me to go and pick up two loaves of wheat bread, i oblige and head down to the marsh just a mile away..i find it, park, and as i walk into the door, i walk into the door..it doesn't open..i look and see a sign, open at 7..wtf? so i make my way over to the kroger a couple miles north...same situation..are you kidding me?! how are things not open in indy until 7..luckily as i turned back toward the restaurant being defeated by downtown, i saw that walgreens was open 24/7..i went inside and purchased the last two loaves of wheat bread..yay for today...
work is dead, of course, and i leave the place after 3 only because i was talking to a co-worker who came in to sit in the cocktail lounge..one of the few i have time for...i make my way back home, start to wind down, i'm bloody tired, but i check my phone - of course i wouldn't have a call or text, this is a test and it's game on...
i nap knowing i'll need all the energy possible to go forth with this absolutely retarded idea...i eventually wake up, shower, and get ready...i asked my friend Gary to join me in going to Bdubs...he thinks we are going to the one downtown that just opened, i've got a surprise for him...
i meet him at his place, his roommate Phil tells me how horrible of an idea it is to bring Gary, i told him i really needed the back up, because should this blow up in my face as i predict it, i'm gonna need somebody there for reinforcement..he understands that i gotta do what i gotta do and prays for me..
we drive..we drive...not even three seconds on the road and i already want to turn around....this has to be in the top five worst ideas i've ever had and gone through with...i can turn around at anytime...my gut tells me i've got shit for brains..i continue...
we show up to Bdubs at 9, a lot later than i originaly wanted, but her car is still there, so i'm assuming she is too..of course i pull up next to her car and park. we go inside, she's been cut, i tell the host to seat me and tell her she needs to pick up the table, i think i said the line, "for me, she will be uncut". i sit and hide in the booth...what a fucking stupid idea...Gary watches the interaction with the host and buttercup, i hide behind a menu, buttercup doesn't recognize Gary and some random server greets us...
i don't know if buttercup ever really saw me..at one point she came out from the back, got on her tippie toes to look over to our booth to see us, i made eye contact, but there was no emotion from her, she clocked out and walked out with her boyfriend...i send a text saying, "you should have picked up that table"
we enjoy our meal, kinda...our waitress actually sucked - i don't know what it is but that's like three bad servers in a row for me...it's an hour later, i've finished 15 wings, and two double gin and tonics when we decide to leave. i send a warning text to Buttercup, and then make a call....voicemail..i leave one saying i'd call back in 5 minutes so she could have ample time to remove herself from whatever situation she was in to talk to me..i drive around town, seven minutes later i make the call and tell her, in the nicest way possible, to get her stuff this weekend, that is all..
we get back on the highway and head home...i think it went better than expected?
Midway through the drive, Gary receives a phone call..it's from his most recent ex that broke his heart...they haven't talked in well over a month..he answers...he seems calm and cool during the conversation, until the phone closes..then it's a bust of emotion, that which rocks my car doing 75mph....intense...
we're back in indy and not but 2 miles from Gary's place and my phone rings, it's my ex..she's angry, angry at the 'mean' voicemails i sent her, she sounds drunk already on top of it. she questions my calls and my attitude, then questions as to why i came down - because that was the deal i created, no call and i'll come down (to punch you in your face) - she has two responses, "how am i supposed to remember that, i was drunk last night - and two - i don't have to do your every wish, like i did before, and shouldn't have done before...it's a freaking phone call...
i tell her i came down as jangus the human being who cares about the well being of those close to me, not jangus the ex, or jangus hoping to get back together..just jangus the friend...she tells me how she can't be friends with me right now -note, i said that to her two weeks ago and it wasn't ok, now that the words come from her mouth, they are golden....
she hates how contradictory i am - telling me how i always say i hate people, yet here i am saying i am caring and compassionate...i try to explain, yes i do hate people, i hate a lot of things, but the people who are closest to know, even those who don't know me that well, would all say i would give you the shirt off my back, not if you asked, but if i thought you needed it (ties into with me being a hopeless romantic, and yes i will pull over for broken down vehicles) she tries to tell me my at one time good friend Jade would not say that, and in fact would like me dead...
the ex continues to say that she won't be able to come this weekend to get her stuff - i pull the car over and shift it forcibly into park...i bite my tongue..'do you realize i live two minutes off the highway you'll be traveling on this weekend...' she snaps back saying she doesn't have time to carry a TV and fridge by herself...i try to calm myself down, she is really provoking jangus b to throw jangus a out of the way and take over the conversation...
my tunnel vision opens and Gary makes a mention that we are like one block from his place..i gather my senses and continue down the road, continuing the conversation as well. once parked i get out of the car and pace the parking lot, cool, one big open area for me to wander around in while lost on the phone. she ends the conversation saying she has a paper to write, i of course am upset with her always ending the conversation so abruptly, but oblige..she tells me she just wants her stuff back, i tell her to never drunk dial or text me ever again....especially when it's things that she doesn't really mean...she tells me she will never make that mistake again...
i walk inside, all eyes turn to me, a drink is placed in my hand..the night is still young, so don't stop thinking about tomorrow..yesterday's gone, oh, yesterday's gone for sure...
"Jangus A or Jangus B, which is it gonna be?"
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