Sunday...
Bloody Sunday....

so yeah, Sunday had to be the worst day of this year, and it's only February..great.....

I did actually have a slight moment of highlightation....I was told my hair looked good, which is completely random because..that's how I do my hair..it's completely random and therefore it is also bad because I'll never be able to do it again like that......and one more good point, I know, TWO, was when somebody told me my jacket looked very nice..I'm not sure of the exact wording, but they really liked it...I love my jackets...

and then off to the bad...short version: I didn't do a thing all weekend, very unproductive - makes me feel worthless, I've been sick - which causes the unproductiveness, so I cough and hack, I chipped a tooth ( the very tooth I had the dream about), work was work, I almost got kicked out of this house (ironically enough only hours after I was asked by a friend if I was kicked out after rumors he heard...), people trying to tell me what to do, forced food down my throat, group meeting/intervention, girl who was possible potential is no more, and the word compromise in it's fullest bullshit sense....

so let's get straight into it, shall we? I'm downstairs, in my room ,minding my own damned business, not interacting with the rest of the house because I could give less of a good fuck...and then Jim comes down...Jim was sent as the mediator between the two parties, in short because he was the only person who would want to talk to me, and who could actually talk to me...so he came down, we chatted, he dropped the news that the other members wanted me to "change" or move out.....

WHOA, change?!?! who the fuck?!!!? change, I despise that word change..Jason Angus changes for no man or woman; and he has yet to change! I will forever be myself...I have been the same way I have always been...I am not a changed man, I do not go through changes whenever I see fit, I'm a conservative, and we conservatives do not fucking change....there was a person who actually had the audacity to tell me that they thought I had changed in a period of two years....I wanted to throw them through a wall, because honestly, nothing is different about me...

I mean sure, there might be slight deviations from what the norm was....but nothing everso drastic to be called a definite change....everybody has a few degrees they can go off course, but to go totally 180, is completely ridiculous....

also ridiculous is them telling me to move out....what's rule number one, don't tell Jason Angus what to fucking do, I don't care who you are......yeah, them telling me to get out will really make me want to do that...honestly, I'd love to see them even try....I'd torch the place before I willing left under their command...

so we had a group discussion, everybody came down, took a seat to talk about...god only knows.....

hostility flew at first when an inane and asinine comment was made, with me retorting with somewhat of an attitude, but not really that much - I was trying to keep my cool, but a comment was made that was intended to provoke me, such comments only warrant uncivil tones....don't believe me, I got the recording to prove it!

so yeah, they deemed I had a hostile tone, obviously they did not see, or rather, hear what was actually said...I didn't know I had to preface my "thinking time" through audibility....whatever....

and the most hurtful thing to me, was when it was mentioned that people have compromised to meet my needs, but I haven't done a thing to meet them on theirs...we got the ol, "if it ain't Jason's way, it's no way...", god, how often will I hear that phrase in life...

well for starters, what I say is right....I will fucking put a god damn guarantee on it..when it comes to matters of this or that, I know what the fuck is up, I know what is right and what is wrong....I'm not saying I know everything, because I don't, and I'm not going to act like I do...all I'm saying when I comes to things I know the answer to, you better believe it's the right fucking answer....

and just WHAT have they compromised for me??? all I've asked is that they clean up after themselves...live like human beings and not like fucking savage animals...there should be no compromising there....it's either you clean or you don't...you clean - good; and if you don't, what the fuck, you deserve everything I say to you...there is no compromising when it comes to keeping things in order...either you do it or you don't, there is no clean every other time, there is no half ass cleaning - that'll just piss me off even more by showing me you suck at life, even when you try, you fucking fail...I don't think it should be considered a compromise in my favor to ask that we live in a fucking tidy place..that should be everyone's desire....

AND another thing is....they tell me it is hard to come to talk to me...really, I'm sorry, did you forget where I live? because last time I checked, IT WAS DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS IN THE SAME HOUSE. wow, caps like crazy....apparently they got this feeling I don't tell them what is wrong with me/them, I don't tell them what is on my mind....

well....for one, I do...nobody ever listens to me though - and I say listen because hear and listen are two different things...I know they hear me...but they don't want to listen....and I'll admit, I really don't have very good skills on putting what's pissing me off "delicately"..I'll do my best, after that first time though I hold no barriers...

so then after I say things, which is really hard to do, to actually say, hey, that pisses me off..but it's been done...we go to notes...only because talking to people, obviously doesn't work...and yes, there is a step in there which includes me blogging about it, but that isn't intentional, that just comes up as a thing that is on my mind...and since I know for a fact that people read this, there is yet another outlet for them to "listen" to what I am saying....so back to the notes...notes happen when things like this happen, people aren't home and you want to express your disgust adequately. and in the recent case of this house, nobody's really been home when I've been around...if I wake up and have to go to work, it's not something that I want to address right then and there...I have to get ready for work, this will take time, and I just fucking woke up, give me a break....same goes for when I come home...I get home, if there is someone here, which hasn't been the case, not anyone I really wanted to talk to, I am still coming off of the work high/low...things that happened then and there are fresh on my mind, I want to unwind, relax, and maybe get something to eat....the same goes for when those who were not present with my arrival, do get home...I know they don't want to walk into the door and hear, "alright, you got to stop doing this, it's pissing me the fuck off" you got to give them their time as well...

sooo, now looking at that, has there been a time to talk...my answer is still no...and especially difficult it is during this time because I have gone into cave mode...reclusive fuck the world type shit...so I don't actually want to even go up the stairs to piss let alone talk about shit that is bothering me.....

and yes, I do hold things in..only because I have hope that people can learn, people make mistakes, things will resolve themselves....I think in my head that their fuck-up is a one time thing..they forgot to clean something, whatever, it happens, maybe they were in a rush...whatever the case may be, I give another chance...and because my nature is to keep giving chances, it just builds up, without ever resolving....people are inheritanly ignorant, I've come to this conclusion...I should stop with the second chance, no more..but you see...I'm ignorant to that....

so to keep this short..well shorter than what I could make it..I'll just go ahead and post the outcome of the "meeting" at another time...for now, this is me saying goodbye



Language is the source of misunderstandings