Jason, Tellin' It Like It Is....Turn Back Now

Well to tell you the truth, who knowsd what's going no anymore...well xanga is still motherfucking down!! My worms coem and go..on my computer that is, i get rid of it, it's still there, craziness...as for worms in my stomache, yeah everyone at target thinks i have some because i eat cookie dough raw..ooooooooh.. anywho..i've been hearing a lot of really good quotes and tis and that at work, or said to myself...let me think...well tis one chick said, "i'll be honest tell ya the truth some day" wow, those have to be ranked up there in the worst things to say phrase list. basic translation, "i'm lying to you, and have been, and maybe one day when i feel bad enough i'll tell you, maybe" these words shouldn't be spoken to friend family foe, it's just harsh. which brings me to my next topic, being lied to, or rather, not told all the details/leaving certain things out. i think some people just need to realize that when they think hiding the truth from someone will be better, it actually makes things a lot worse. i'd rather be told striaght up what's going on rather than be lead on by some carrot ^. i'd rather have things be out there in the open, to be aware, ten to have to find it out acciently and have worse feelings, because i'm telling ya, when you do find something out like that, no matter how small, or how petty it may be, there's a lack of trust, faith, confidence, and you wonder why this person is doing this.....vince and i had a simliar talk at steak and shake the other night..it seems as though he's a little more controling than i am on the subject, but i don't mind my girl to hang out with her friends. yeah i understand it's like a little escape, need to get away, but not really, new familiar atmosphere..and adequate time should be given to both parties, i can't think of a ratio, but it defiantly weighs on favor the the couple. of course if when i sak what are your plans for the day, and you reply with "busy, doing things, we can't see each other" and leave it at that, but you run amuck with your friends,well why couldn' you just say so in the first place? by doing that you just broke any bond that relationship had..but this extends into a friendship basis as well, two friends try to get together and then one backs out saying something stupid has come up, then you find out what they said was partly right, but are with other people...kinda makes you feel like you aren't wanted. maybe i'm in that mood because i feel i have been "told a different story" stupid people....speaking of stupid people, pop culture freaks are on the rise of people i dispise list....yeah everything has a list, and everyone's making it it seems. but there's this 24 year old from target who's a pop culture whore, it's like she's in highschool. this can be seen in the cd's she has in her car...yeah she has a lot, most of them being from soundtracks, or hit singles, terrible. i found all this out on sat night/sunday morning, had a bunch of extra time after getting out at target, so i did my normal sit in the parking lot talk a thon with a group and she stayed in on it, but first blasted her music from her car. lord was i disgusted. how can something such as that define you as a person? yeah i like whatever is popular at the current moment. and by liking what is "popular", accepted by an "elite" group of people, only confroms you even more. so you can only be defiend as a pop culture whore..changing every 2 minutes to a new style just because it looks cooler. i think it's the change part i personally hate about the pop culture scene, i hate change. and i hate it when people change, it's never for the better i'll tell you that much. or when people chage only to be different. well listen here fucksticks, you're different just like everyone else. deal with it, quit changing to be different..different, yeah that reminds me of those punk/alternative/emo freaks. bunch of digenerate, whiny, depressed, generation loser leftovers writing "songs" about how mommy only gave them $50 for the week instead of the normal $100. these songwriters wouldn't know feelings if it came up to them and ripped out teir heart, let alone how to express it down on paper. And these fucking freaks are revered as heros by the unintelligent, slack-jawed yokel whom have to wear black, or dye their hair, or god forbid, listen to these fucks such as the ataris, john mayer, alkaline maple, and other groups from hot topic that offer no basis for indiviuality except for conforming to "that" mold...yeah, their an emotional wreck alright, try my friend asian tony. i know exaclty how this poor soul feels, i went through a similar situation. i'm not sure what got me throguh it, so i don't know how to help him. all i can say is he's buddhist and one of their biggest beleifs is that you have to take the journey alone...that's about all i can offer. he called me last night in one of his worst breakdowns. i really didn't know what to say to him, and i couldn't be on for long, i had to work. i wish him the best..he said he needed a smoke, but didn't want to give in,but i but he drank it off..as for drinking, if someone were to see my computer desk they'd defiantly think i was an alcoholic.well there's my bottle of jack which i like to keep around for the smell, and then the shot glass, blue, which brooke got for me, next to it. then there's the bottle of wine i used when i cooked the lasagna, then the various types of malt beverages skyy, mike's hard whatever, bartels and james,...) from random people coming over and wanting a drink, friends, brothers, sisters, lovers, neighbors, enemies, but not really. if i get motivated i'll get rid of that soon, but i doubt anybody would care, but i'm not a drunkard, not an alcohlic, so must get rid of these, bastard people. oh yeah, so i was in somewhat rare form at target last night. after i get done with the truck i come to find i have the office pull, the longest one, and it's the only one left. that severly pissed me off, took over 3 hours with help mind you. so i was in pain, back killing me, aggitated because of that, and just overall quiet. somebody kinda got in my face in a half jokin manner and i just went off on them, i let them have what was on my mind, turned away just as i started to get their reaction, it wasn't pretty. then this kid kept talking, when he should have been backstocking...that's when suddenly after hearing him go no and on i turned around, which caught his attention, he asks, "is that backstock or to be pushed to the floor" a really stupid question, but anyways, i replied, "yeah, backstock..which is something you probably should be doing as well" he had a cought look on his face, then was all yes sir, non smart ass like, and i continued, "don't mind ya talking, please do so if it passes the time, but at least be working while you're doing it or it'll be less chatty, more scanny"he smiled and finally pulled his LRT out and began to backstock, yeah, it wasn't even in his hand, loser. it's funny because the kid respects me as his boss, i wonder if he thinks i am, and is always asking me questions about this and that, making sure he's doing it right and can goof off with me as well. it's a fun time we have there, most of the time, i try to keep everyone in a pleasant mood. well my temperment has settled a bit, time to shower....that's all...for now...