I Can't Think of a Title....Old No. 7 Brand

so life is bland, not blandford, just boring..i have no complaints about the boredom really, rather it suking so much. the only gripe i have is that nobody will go to the movies with me...i think i may embark into unverntured area of...dare i say, going alone, that's how sad my life, i think that could sum everything up really. life said in one action, that's sad.

but i guess it's not as bad, or maybe right up there with a certain someone...i can't tel his name, but the funniest thing is that hearing his name makes a group moan in disgust. it happened over the weekend at zach's, we were talking about this and that and somehow, someone brought him up, him and his little girl too. as soon as the name was said, everyone in the room, all at once, got that look on their face and moaned, it was beautiful, if only it were caught on tape. i feel bad slamming him on here about it, so i will keep his identity secret. wow, i have feelings too...

so i was told i need to break this up into paragraphs, go figure. i tried justifying my style 6 different ways, but to no avail. i remember as a child growing up, i think it was the fourth grade a teacher yelled at me and gave me a bad grade on a paer because i used too many paragraphs or something. so ever since then i never broke them up,. hell even gianotti would have to go through my shit and tell me where to break it up. i did eventually get beter at this, but still...not to mention that in that last lengthy post it would have ruined the artistic credibilty of the structure, beleive me, to see the toughts flow together, i ddin't want a pause in between them, one big stream of conscious. yeah.....

if only i could write, i would love to write a book a screenplay, be it play or movie, even songs. i suppose i have my own style, or did, at one time. but my writing is contrived crap. i mean i could tell about a kid who becomes homeless, or my townies movie, or love gone wrong, hell there's enough input from that last one from all my friends that i could write a novel...funny....

so speaking of love gone wrong, or well just bad feelings, i realized the other day that i've always had someone to talk to about whatever it may be, whatever is on my mind, what's troubling me. no matter what time it was, someone would call and i was albe to spill my guts to them...but i'm thinking about now it's not quite like that, i don't remember who has been there in the past, random people, probably someone different every time, but who's here now? ...if you ever get a call from me, and it seems out of the blue, and i say i calljust to say hi, or whatever, probably what i just said, that's not the reason why i called. i found out i'm not good at opening up at first, but once i do, the flood gates go down. it'sjust the initial ice that needs to be broken, otherwise it'll take a bit of time before it comes out of me..so let that be a lesson for ya'll, there's always a reason for my call.....

moving out and packing up sucks, soon i will be homeless..and everyone knocks living in the car. i suppose that is bad, but what can i do...powerball rolled over agian, i know that's just a crazy thing, but i wouldn't need the 82 million it is up to, just something to pa off my bills and get me started. zach and i always wonder what we would do wit all that money, how great life would be.. i know it wouldn't solve all my problems, but 95% of them..the rest i would waste my fourtune on trying to win over agian....there's another book for ya.....

you know if i were to start writing a book or whatever, i would get about half way done with it, i always stop half way in my crazy ideal projects. i have folders and shit of papers of crazy ideas i thought half way through, even my first book, TTMOFIL, that's the anagramed title for you, that is half way completed, in fact probably less tan that because i lost the newer version i had in one of my upgrades, so i'm back to the middle of chapter 7, pisses me off, and for tat reason of loosing it, i never wanted to finish it...

learning guitar is a bitch, my fingers are getting calloused..i suppose that's a good ting, shows i'm playing, but i've got nothing more to show for it. i'd like to play songs, and i know you have to learn the chords fully before you can play, but i don't have the ear for this shit. i mean look at vince, he's brilliant, he taught himself the guitar, can play loads of shit, write his own music, when i'll be damned if i can't even read it. vince is a god, he can play several instruments, all i want is one,well maybe two, i've always wanted to learn how to play the piano, starting teaching myself as a little kid on an organ. i'm really sore altogether, but it's not from guitar, i think target is catching up on me...i can feel my back go every now and then, as i sit here i can feel my muscles ache...i need a massage at least...brooke, i think it's time you paid me back some massages, but of course you're gone. this is kinda like talking to myself, sitting here, talkng into the air as if you were here...

speaking of talking, i was sitting here with the guitar just a bit ago, i muted everything on my computer so i could read and play and not get interupted with the opening and closing doors. so i was sitting here, minding my business when this lady starts talking, i want to say it was from my speakers, but who knows really. she said something, not sure what, then that was that. i hope i'm not going insane..though it would give me a nice white walled place to live......