Surface Noise is Unavoidable...
So of course i did in fact forget to mention things....whether it be from my damned memory, or caused by the headache from wanting to sleep, either way i still forgot...and since when i remembered i didn't write them down, i still have nothing.....
well, i shortened up the aquarium rant pretty short, probably for the better i'd say...i think the thoughts that went through my head as i lived it were something along the lines of me wanting someone to hold...kinda sad and depressing....
and for my drive, i didn't mention how i thought it was a setback...yeah how rterrible is that, my trip and drive time was a setback, mentally....the drive was so not what i wanted that it caused me to go in the opposite direction...but then i got to thinking...nothing is really a setback, something may put you back in a simliar place/situation, but the path out will defiantly be a different one, and looking around at it for a second time will shed new light onto things..i don't know if i completly stated what i was trying to say, but yeah...just like NO is just a word, you haven't lost anything, you're at the same spot you were before, now you just have to alter strategy or whatever....right?
which brings me to my other topic, as i am experiencing these things, or thoughts go through my head, i think of brilliant statements and sentences to use in my possible future xanga or blog....the only problem is, i'm not readily by a computer when this happens and i am doomed to forget, how sad...
in other news that i forgot to mention, elizabeth made me a butterscotch bread thing...and it was in a ziploc baggie, he he....but i enjoyed it, just have to limit my intake of that....
so i got to thinking tonight...and yeah, these thoughts were controlled so i was ok, for the most part....i thought of some song ideas, lord knows i can't write lyrics though...i got "the snaggletooth blues" played on my elctronic gibson, ahhhh, but mostly i got short story ideas...and of course if it is a short story, i'd want to make it into a movie......well for the lastest work, i can't reproduce rain, not that i know of, so the timing of that movie would be up in the air, litterally.....
i feel as if i can convey more ideas through the medium of video than anything else, and i can get my ideas across a lot better as well...we'll have to see what happens....as for the music video movie...yeah, i'm ready for it, and i got ideas who i want to be the two main characters, pretty shady if you ask me, but hell will break for this one indeed...
oh..and as for my announcment, damn....i was soo anti even mentioning this stupid thing last night, i hated the idea...but after a bit of calming down, i'm back at where i was, i suppose that's good....i'm just afraid of what might kill it off completly....
well that's all for now, got to shower and sleep for a couple........
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Monday, September 15, 2003
Follow Up....
So now we are at the drive home....this is usually a time for me to reflect upon things....well it wasn't so good...though most drives aren't good to begin with, i think this one didn't settle with me as well...and only music more than half-way through the trip cleared my mind.....
one thought that went through my head was the list of people who have abandoned me in life....beginning with my father, then my mother, though sher would make periodic visits into my life every now and then..until ther final cut, my one and only girlfriend brooke, finances, jobs, and the list can go on.....my grandparents will follow soon enough, only using them now for a mailbox anyways, and i'm sure friends will come and go, they always seem to...
as for other things, i ask myself, why do i deserve this, any of this, what could i possibly have done to make this time so bad, was it somethign i did in a previous life, something i'm gonna do,...if it's for throwing the cat into the lake repeatedly, i'm gonna be mad.....i wanted to see if it could swim, yet i couldn't throw it our far enough each time, yet the cat came back to me every time...i'm not evil.....
Looking at Heather's away message could bring one hope...something along the lines of, if god gave it to me, god can make me through it...somethign likwe that, i can't quote it exactly, she just sigend offline...
on better notes, there is now a BLUE couch in my blue room at the office, hell yes....though i'm getting sick of this place, everytime i walk in here i am reminded for what i did this for, should say for whom, who encouraged me to do so, yeah..moving on, blue couch....
on my little drive to merrillvile, actually coming back on broadway, you know where the two roads merge to become one, yeah well some van tried to race past me, hell no is what i said....then at the next light a green car comes up next to me and tried to do the same thing from the turning lane...at the next light, there's that green car agian, so i look, it's a lady looking at my car, she turns and looks at me and mouths something to me with a smile, somethign like nice car, the light turned green and she turned away, i went straight...made me giggle, a compliment on my car...
in other events, i'm causing waves in the xanga ocean, i knew it would happen, and i pre-appologized for it....at the end of every war there's a few patriots who will fight til the end, giving it their all, throwing rocks, spoons, and whatever they can get their hands on....well in a simliar fashion i did the same thing, maybe a little dirtier of methods as well, but i think it can be justified to some extent, right?
that's all...
So now we are at the drive home....this is usually a time for me to reflect upon things....well it wasn't so good...though most drives aren't good to begin with, i think this one didn't settle with me as well...and only music more than half-way through the trip cleared my mind.....
one thought that went through my head was the list of people who have abandoned me in life....beginning with my father, then my mother, though sher would make periodic visits into my life every now and then..until ther final cut, my one and only girlfriend brooke, finances, jobs, and the list can go on.....my grandparents will follow soon enough, only using them now for a mailbox anyways, and i'm sure friends will come and go, they always seem to...
as for other things, i ask myself, why do i deserve this, any of this, what could i possibly have done to make this time so bad, was it somethign i did in a previous life, something i'm gonna do,...if it's for throwing the cat into the lake repeatedly, i'm gonna be mad.....i wanted to see if it could swim, yet i couldn't throw it our far enough each time, yet the cat came back to me every time...i'm not evil.....
Looking at Heather's away message could bring one hope...something along the lines of, if god gave it to me, god can make me through it...somethign likwe that, i can't quote it exactly, she just sigend offline...
on better notes, there is now a BLUE couch in my blue room at the office, hell yes....though i'm getting sick of this place, everytime i walk in here i am reminded for what i did this for, should say for whom, who encouraged me to do so, yeah..moving on, blue couch....
on my little drive to merrillvile, actually coming back on broadway, you know where the two roads merge to become one, yeah well some van tried to race past me, hell no is what i said....then at the next light a green car comes up next to me and tried to do the same thing from the turning lane...at the next light, there's that green car agian, so i look, it's a lady looking at my car, she turns and looks at me and mouths something to me with a smile, somethign like nice car, the light turned green and she turned away, i went straight...made me giggle, a compliment on my car...
in other events, i'm causing waves in the xanga ocean, i knew it would happen, and i pre-appologized for it....at the end of every war there's a few patriots who will fight til the end, giving it their all, throwing rocks, spoons, and whatever they can get their hands on....well in a simliar fashion i did the same thing, maybe a little dirtier of methods as well, but i think it can be justified to some extent, right?
that's all...
Weekend With the Wagners....
ok, well I'm gonna consider elizabeth a wagner for the sake of whatevers....
so i had a closing on friday at 3....it went rather smoothly too, also brought in a $4,000 commision into the office...probably only going to see $2 of it though, hahaa..anways, from lowell it was off to Terre Haute....
Kinda had a late start, but all was well...when i arrived it was dark, just like before...matter of fact...remember what was going on last time...it was early February if that means anything...yeah, samne problems now as then, kind of funny.....
anyways back to the story...the apartments didn't have the ligfhts turned on, and in the morning i noticed what i drove through, not an actual path, but some randomly scattered pavement with bumps hills and everything else, but i made it ok...getting out of the car logic told me to go right for the stairs, and indeed there they were. after making it to apartment 59 with a warm welcome i was greeted and i handed them a bag of peaches as a house warming gift...
i think the rest of the night we played guitar, i got some food, they showed me vince's apartment and it was a night....
Saturday morning is where it got crazy.....we headed off to the guitar store and i found a pretty blue guitar.....thinking to buy it.....after looking around at all the older guitars we headed off for...Newport, KY....just across the river from Cincinnatti....
Reason for going, to see turtles at the aquarium! the parking garage was a little messed up with it's secret doors and such, but we found our way. this place reminded me of their version of navy pier...and it was nice...
inside the aquarium it was nice...but i was soon reminded why i don't do these things more often...now i hate to even bring this up, but this is just a social gathering for couples, i swear...everywhere you looked, you couldn't see past the two people kissing each other to see the damned fishes...the feeling of lonliness came and went, i think anger grew shortly after.....
but all in all it was good, but for some reason i have been getting very tired really early in the day, no matter how much sleep i have....this plagued me the entire weekend sleeping whenever i got the chance....
we walked around, got a brick to throw, then called it a day, i slept on the way home after eating at some resturant elizabeth liked....upon arriving back at the apartments i crashed on the floor....
sunday came, we ate freshly made square doughnuts, it was crazy..i'll post the pictures of my weekend on my xanga...later we went to the ISU library, ate a pizza that wasn't too filling, and agian i slept...i think i got up to eat a slice of pork for dinner, played guitar for a bit, tried to write lyrics, but slept...
monday, got up early, acrtually, no earlier than what i had been getting up, cleaned up the living room, then woke up the others for breakfast...the eggs were good, after all that was said and done i headed out for lowell...
highlights: vince's picture with the bell that did nothing, getting some home cooked meals, the bates motel, gnats, playing with the stitch stuffed animal at every waking moment...in fact i brought that damn doll with us on the trip, i slept with it and everything, i probably got more use out of it in the past two days then in it's entire life....i know brooke had one, but i never got the chance to play with it...i'm sure i'm forgetting some things, but yeah, that's that...
ok, well I'm gonna consider elizabeth a wagner for the sake of whatevers....
so i had a closing on friday at 3....it went rather smoothly too, also brought in a $4,000 commision into the office...probably only going to see $2 of it though, hahaa..anways, from lowell it was off to Terre Haute....
Kinda had a late start, but all was well...when i arrived it was dark, just like before...matter of fact...remember what was going on last time...it was early February if that means anything...yeah, samne problems now as then, kind of funny.....
anyways back to the story...the apartments didn't have the ligfhts turned on, and in the morning i noticed what i drove through, not an actual path, but some randomly scattered pavement with bumps hills and everything else, but i made it ok...getting out of the car logic told me to go right for the stairs, and indeed there they were. after making it to apartment 59 with a warm welcome i was greeted and i handed them a bag of peaches as a house warming gift...
i think the rest of the night we played guitar, i got some food, they showed me vince's apartment and it was a night....
Saturday morning is where it got crazy.....we headed off to the guitar store and i found a pretty blue guitar.....thinking to buy it.....after looking around at all the older guitars we headed off for...Newport, KY....just across the river from Cincinnatti....
Reason for going, to see turtles at the aquarium! the parking garage was a little messed up with it's secret doors and such, but we found our way. this place reminded me of their version of navy pier...and it was nice...
inside the aquarium it was nice...but i was soon reminded why i don't do these things more often...now i hate to even bring this up, but this is just a social gathering for couples, i swear...everywhere you looked, you couldn't see past the two people kissing each other to see the damned fishes...the feeling of lonliness came and went, i think anger grew shortly after.....
but all in all it was good, but for some reason i have been getting very tired really early in the day, no matter how much sleep i have....this plagued me the entire weekend sleeping whenever i got the chance....
we walked around, got a brick to throw, then called it a day, i slept on the way home after eating at some resturant elizabeth liked....upon arriving back at the apartments i crashed on the floor....
sunday came, we ate freshly made square doughnuts, it was crazy..i'll post the pictures of my weekend on my xanga...later we went to the ISU library, ate a pizza that wasn't too filling, and agian i slept...i think i got up to eat a slice of pork for dinner, played guitar for a bit, tried to write lyrics, but slept...
monday, got up early, acrtually, no earlier than what i had been getting up, cleaned up the living room, then woke up the others for breakfast...the eggs were good, after all that was said and done i headed out for lowell...
highlights: vince's picture with the bell that did nothing, getting some home cooked meals, the bates motel, gnats, playing with the stitch stuffed animal at every waking moment...in fact i brought that damn doll with us on the trip, i slept with it and everything, i probably got more use out of it in the past two days then in it's entire life....i know brooke had one, but i never got the chance to play with it...i'm sure i'm forgetting some things, but yeah, that's that...
Thursday, September 11, 2003
It's 2 a.m......Do You Know Where You're Thoughts Are?
So I think I have figured out this life thing.....yeah I know what you're thinking..why do you think you know the meaning to life...well I know the meaning of life rather....it's actually quite simple, if you try searching, then you're lost..it's one of those yoda things, you got to figure it out on you're own...and if I told you, you would want something more, that's why you have to do it yourself...
but as always I have bad timing....I have so bad of timing I'm surprised my car doesn't backfire..car joke referring to bad timing...whenever i try to do something, it always seems i should have done it sooner, or waited a bit longer...leave too early, should've waited a coupe more minutes...yeah well, maybe one day i'll catch a break..i hope this doesn't effect my music career and make me a beat off...god i could go 12 places with that comment...
i need something, not sure what, but just go with me here, maybe this trip down to Terre Town..haha, not gary...will be the trick, but who knows...maybe i won't return....
So I think I have figured out this life thing.....yeah I know what you're thinking..why do you think you know the meaning to life...well I know the meaning of life rather....it's actually quite simple, if you try searching, then you're lost..it's one of those yoda things, you got to figure it out on you're own...and if I told you, you would want something more, that's why you have to do it yourself...
but as always I have bad timing....I have so bad of timing I'm surprised my car doesn't backfire..car joke referring to bad timing...whenever i try to do something, it always seems i should have done it sooner, or waited a bit longer...leave too early, should've waited a coupe more minutes...yeah well, maybe one day i'll catch a break..i hope this doesn't effect my music career and make me a beat off...god i could go 12 places with that comment...
i need something, not sure what, but just go with me here, maybe this trip down to Terre Town..haha, not gary...will be the trick, but who knows...maybe i won't return....
Silence...
So what's going on....
Well, the Eagles are on tour, coming this way in a little bit...granted they don't have the greatest songs, I would still like to go to their concert..i think for the simple fact that i've only been to one concert in my whole life....
In sports, Sox lost, sad...It would be nice to have the world series here on the south side..and if it happened i would soo be there....though i think my inside connection for Sox tickets died...as did bulls tickets....but it would be a lot cooler to have a cross town classic for the world series...and of course we all know the south siders would win...damn straight.....
The silence is beaing broken in parts of my life, whoopee.....the co-worker from target is becoming a bit more open with me...no more cold looks, but yet we haven't had a full conversation...i guess in part i helped speed it up as well, when she broguht me backstock the other night, i could have gave her a cold look and said but one word, but was a little bit more warm to her....i think this is all for the better, maybe agian she will speak to me some time, if not no big loss, other matters are more important...though it did both me as to why i was getting such a treatment...
in other silence, i had a dream last night..funny how i say night when i really mean day....the part of the dream i remember was dealing with my mother...she was actually there in my dream, not like on the phone or anything, but rather there, ahnd i think she tried to talk to me or something along those lines and i, inturn, just yelled at her and pushed her away...don't know what made me so mad, but something happened, who knows...
and the brook is still frozen, standing still, not moving, i hear nothing come from her, i'd like for it to move again, at least a couple inches every now and then, like it did last week.......
I ate an actual peach last night.. regine gave me one because of my ranting and raving and wouldn't shut up because she had a peahc and plum....i brought in a plum to eat a day later, then she broguht in a peach for me last night.....yeah i know vince loves peaches, but i like touching them..so soft what fuzzy, i couldn't kep my lips nor tongue off of it...i think it's just the sexual aspect i like about it...although an apple still reminds me of gonig down on....
speaking of peaches....in the mall yesterday i went into some store, god only knows the name, and they had a Jones Soda cooler in the store, pretty cool eh? Well on the top shelf in the cooler was a drink called D'Peach Mode...as in DePeche Mode.. oh my dad was that great....for 12 reasons this is good....
For started the play on words is great....peaches are good as well...my lover vince loves peaches......another lover'd loves jones soda....depeche mode was a group in the 70's or so and sang the enjoy the silence.....on my 3rd floor dorm hall in michigan there was a giant depeche mode painting...and of course zak duncan introduced me to jones 3 years ago.....
so my question is, why didn't i pick this up....grrrr, for those reasons i should go back and but some for me and vince....yeah, i lika da jones...ever since the little trip to see bob dylan 3 years ago, duncan showed me what a good drink it was, i was happy.......but of course out of spite and many other things i had to hide my joys for it when i found out some other bastard liked it and leasding it up to my other lover introducing it to me...kinda complex, but nothing fro you to worry about, just didn't want to seem like i liked it out of spite, out of trying to help with conforming to somethign else, good goff that deosn' make sense but to me...
that's all, enjoy..
Enjoy The Silence Lyrics:Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Canít you understand
Oh my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Enjoy the silence
So what's going on....
Well, the Eagles are on tour, coming this way in a little bit...granted they don't have the greatest songs, I would still like to go to their concert..i think for the simple fact that i've only been to one concert in my whole life....
In sports, Sox lost, sad...It would be nice to have the world series here on the south side..and if it happened i would soo be there....though i think my inside connection for Sox tickets died...as did bulls tickets....but it would be a lot cooler to have a cross town classic for the world series...and of course we all know the south siders would win...damn straight.....
The silence is beaing broken in parts of my life, whoopee.....the co-worker from target is becoming a bit more open with me...no more cold looks, but yet we haven't had a full conversation...i guess in part i helped speed it up as well, when she broguht me backstock the other night, i could have gave her a cold look and said but one word, but was a little bit more warm to her....i think this is all for the better, maybe agian she will speak to me some time, if not no big loss, other matters are more important...though it did both me as to why i was getting such a treatment...
in other silence, i had a dream last night..funny how i say night when i really mean day....the part of the dream i remember was dealing with my mother...she was actually there in my dream, not like on the phone or anything, but rather there, ahnd i think she tried to talk to me or something along those lines and i, inturn, just yelled at her and pushed her away...don't know what made me so mad, but something happened, who knows...
and the brook is still frozen, standing still, not moving, i hear nothing come from her, i'd like for it to move again, at least a couple inches every now and then, like it did last week.......
I ate an actual peach last night.. regine gave me one because of my ranting and raving and wouldn't shut up because she had a peahc and plum....i brought in a plum to eat a day later, then she broguht in a peach for me last night.....yeah i know vince loves peaches, but i like touching them..so soft what fuzzy, i couldn't kep my lips nor tongue off of it...i think it's just the sexual aspect i like about it...although an apple still reminds me of gonig down on....
speaking of peaches....in the mall yesterday i went into some store, god only knows the name, and they had a Jones Soda cooler in the store, pretty cool eh? Well on the top shelf in the cooler was a drink called D'Peach Mode...as in DePeche Mode.. oh my dad was that great....for 12 reasons this is good....
For started the play on words is great....peaches are good as well...my lover vince loves peaches......another lover'd loves jones soda....depeche mode was a group in the 70's or so and sang the enjoy the silence.....on my 3rd floor dorm hall in michigan there was a giant depeche mode painting...and of course zak duncan introduced me to jones 3 years ago.....
so my question is, why didn't i pick this up....grrrr, for those reasons i should go back and but some for me and vince....yeah, i lika da jones...ever since the little trip to see bob dylan 3 years ago, duncan showed me what a good drink it was, i was happy.......but of course out of spite and many other things i had to hide my joys for it when i found out some other bastard liked it and leasding it up to my other lover introducing it to me...kinda complex, but nothing fro you to worry about, just didn't want to seem like i liked it out of spite, out of trying to help with conforming to somethign else, good goff that deosn' make sense but to me...
that's all, enjoy..
Enjoy The Silence Lyrics:Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Canít you understand
Oh my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Enjoy the silence
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Taking Back Sunday..er..Taking Back Wednesday...I mean, Taking Back My...Nevermind....
So today is today, whopper Wednesday indeed, otherwise known as hump day to some of the sexual perverse.....
I noticed I made like 6 updates yesterday, sorry fro that...They really need some breathalizer test or something so that I don't blog when I'm tired...Type too many random things and whatnot....
Oh..I thought of a pretty cool music video for one off my songs, yeah I'm more talented in the eye pleasing department that the writting...the songs may suck, but I got the videos....so the video I'm writting down how I want it to go, and I will probably use it on my "hubcaps and candybars" song....yeah, don't ask, but it's keeping with the folk writting like Elizabeth suggested...the title itself will make one person's ears perk.....
ummm, couldn't find the "what's up doc" DVD at the mall, they said they would have to order it for me, I'll keep on looking....
you ever have a breakdown moment...like you want soo badly to tell someone how much you love them...like you'd call them up at the very second, despite everything else, and just say I love you....then more than likely hang up...yeah, those feelings suck....
on a lighter note, blogger is improving little by little, I'm liking it.....
so..I'm good...just questioning some things....I have my list, but is that what I want, or just another cop out......damn it all, more delays fro the announcement....
waltz....
So today is today, whopper Wednesday indeed, otherwise known as hump day to some of the sexual perverse.....
I noticed I made like 6 updates yesterday, sorry fro that...They really need some breathalizer test or something so that I don't blog when I'm tired...Type too many random things and whatnot....
Oh..I thought of a pretty cool music video for one off my songs, yeah I'm more talented in the eye pleasing department that the writting...the songs may suck, but I got the videos....so the video I'm writting down how I want it to go, and I will probably use it on my "hubcaps and candybars" song....yeah, don't ask, but it's keeping with the folk writting like Elizabeth suggested...the title itself will make one person's ears perk.....
ummm, couldn't find the "what's up doc" DVD at the mall, they said they would have to order it for me, I'll keep on looking....
you ever have a breakdown moment...like you want soo badly to tell someone how much you love them...like you'd call them up at the very second, despite everything else, and just say I love you....then more than likely hang up...yeah, those feelings suck....
on a lighter note, blogger is improving little by little, I'm liking it.....
so..I'm good...just questioning some things....I have my list, but is that what I want, or just another cop out......damn it all, more delays fro the announcement....
waltz....
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Oh...
Forgot to mention, I'm leaving for this weekend, as earlier stated in a previous blog, but , mentioning it now....elizabeth have vicne call me some time...i will be down this weekend....
i feel i need to be loved right about now, and since there is no love in lowell, or this northwestern area, i'm coming down to where it is...love doesn't come to you, unless you're lucky and give it up or away for something else, so i'm off to see my vince, guitar in tow....
Forgot to mention, I'm leaving for this weekend, as earlier stated in a previous blog, but , mentioning it now....elizabeth have vicne call me some time...i will be down this weekend....
i feel i need to be loved right about now, and since there is no love in lowell, or this northwestern area, i'm coming down to where it is...love doesn't come to you, unless you're lucky and give it up or away for something else, so i'm off to see my vince, guitar in tow....
Alright....
so i noticed the over use of the word whore coming from my mouth and words i type....
like i said earlier today, it's one thing to be a bitch, it's another to be a whore" i forget what i was talking about, beiong really tired makes you say things you don't remember to well.
and of course ya'll know my little game i play adding -lit to the end of words...so whorelet would naturally become harlot, yeah...
least i'm not a man whore...seems to be a popular subject....
i don't know, i'm really tired, it's not out there to offend anyone, hell i don't even know why it's other there, so i'm sorry..
tired, bye
so i noticed the over use of the word whore coming from my mouth and words i type....
like i said earlier today, it's one thing to be a bitch, it's another to be a whore" i forget what i was talking about, beiong really tired makes you say things you don't remember to well.
and of course ya'll know my little game i play adding -lit to the end of words...so whorelet would naturally become harlot, yeah...
least i'm not a man whore...seems to be a popular subject....
i don't know, i'm really tired, it's not out there to offend anyone, hell i don't even know why it's other there, so i'm sorry..
tired, bye
Too Much...
Yeah, so last night i actually got out of Target at a decent hour...made it to a shower and a change of clothes all before 6, actually just at that time because i pulled in the C-21 parking lot ready to leave for our seminar thing....
It was my turn to parade around town like a whore....actually i did make 4 dollars dancing for nancy, you know me and those dares...
so it was a motivational speaker thing, many speakers all telling about how you can do it...and for a spluit second i almost believed them....now i'm not saying i am always looking down on things, or seeing faults everywhere possible, but i'm not that easily manipulated, or brainwashed rather...of course they all did have one re-occuring theme to mention...
but it was fun, it was at the united center, first time i was ever in there, and actually was on floor level, hell yes under the court...it seemed small, but then agian i'm used to ball parks...
i'm really tired not having much sleep today, minutes if any, so i'm going...
Yeah, so last night i actually got out of Target at a decent hour...made it to a shower and a change of clothes all before 6, actually just at that time because i pulled in the C-21 parking lot ready to leave for our seminar thing....
It was my turn to parade around town like a whore....actually i did make 4 dollars dancing for nancy, you know me and those dares...
so it was a motivational speaker thing, many speakers all telling about how you can do it...and for a spluit second i almost believed them....now i'm not saying i am always looking down on things, or seeing faults everywhere possible, but i'm not that easily manipulated, or brainwashed rather...of course they all did have one re-occuring theme to mention...
but it was fun, it was at the united center, first time i was ever in there, and actually was on floor level, hell yes under the court...it seemed small, but then agian i'm used to ball parks...
i'm really tired not having much sleep today, minutes if any, so i'm going...
Monday, September 08, 2003
It's Never Too Late For Caltrate....
Hello, thank you fro tuning in, my name is Jason and I will be bringing you the latest news that has happened in the wee hours you all were sleeping........
As you were just informed moments ago, Jason is indeed crazy, and this little entry here dosn't help...it's all too obvious, ever present, and therefore no longer current news....
Moving into current affairs....I've been shopping at Strack N Van Til a lot more now, Meijer ticked me of not having a wide choice of fruit drinks like limade, and a higher price for when they did...so to my belief a, what i would presume to be a somwhat attrtactive, girl who works there kept eying me as i walked in the store, or left. i started having that feeling i get at miejer when the security guys follow me around, you know what i'm talking about..anyways, she approached me last night saying, "you look familiar" of coruse my natural reaction is to say i'm sorry, then she asks is your name Jason...feeling a little bit of deja voo from last night i say yes. She then says, "are you jason angus, and you worked at alco?" yeah, that's me alright...it turned out to be Lacey, on of Kristin Baker's friends whom i apparantly met at one point. afterwards i also met up with her mother who works there as well....small world indeed....
**Commercial** CaltrateItís never too late to start building and maintaining strong bones. Along with a healthy diet and regular exercise, the calcium in CaltrateÆ can help reduce the risk of osteoporosis and may even help reduce the risk of colon polyps.* Make Caltrate part of your Life....
On to a follow up story. A couple weeks ago we ran a story about how Brooke wasn't returning my calls. i inturn, gave her the space she needed, and bid my time, painfully might i add. bring you to the present...well it's saturday night and i'm working, 7 minutes before break is announced and i get a call from brooke...she doesn't leave a message and i'm left wondering should i call hr back or not on break... fearing waking up her roommate or soemthign else, i bit my tongue and called the next day..wherein i actually spoke with her. call it the highlgiht on my day if you will, but we spoke, though briefly it seemed, she left to work on some homework...i told her to call me whenever she has some free time....and now tonight's poll in question is, since the 2+ week ice was broken, do i call her back in a couple days, or do i sit by the phone and let her call me....on to sports
Actually, it was a sad day in the sports world...Bears lost their season opener to the 49'ers...when i saw the final score, i was like, ok, 49 that's the team...what's the scor..oh 49 to 7 is the score..sad..bears haven't had this bad of a start since 74....in other sports news i saw this kick ass game of basketball, it was played with trampolines and thus dubbed slamball, on ESPN or somethign....whatever you do, catch this if you can, even if you aren't a sports fan, you'll like it, i guarantee it...
Now's it's time for stupid quotes by Jason.....just a minute ago I was sitting here while someone used the computer....i grew tired of sitting here waiting and in an act of desperation i actually said, "i'm going go to the batthroom..yeah, I'm bored enough to do that.." plain stupidity...
Let's go to the weather forecast... well you can take today's forecast and duplicate it by four because that's pretty much how it's gonig to be up to thursday. Partly cloudy skies highs in the low 80's, evening's bringing moderatly breezy air and cooler temperatures. But as the weekend approaches we can kiss this nice weather goodbye. high probability of thunderstorms raging through the entire weekend bringing in a cold front, so if you had any plans to go to Terre Haute or Indy, chances are you'll be spending your time indoors. now back to the news..
In a wrapp-up of events, former ALCO employee Kristen Manns' wedding was this weekend, marking the first in my public book to go down with a wedding. Others are on the list as well, thoguh we can scratch one off for a different reason as well. The soon to be newly weds Zak and Escarlen are no longer, in what appears to be a mutual split, they have called off any wedding to be and gone thier seperate ways. Zak can be found back where the love is, living with his parents in that place called home...
Well that's all the time we have today, thank you for joining us, stayed tuned for more updates about stupid pointless things...til next time I'm you're host Jason Angus, and I'll be waiting patiently with the phone in my hand for you to call...you know you want to brighten up my day Brooke....
Hello, thank you fro tuning in, my name is Jason and I will be bringing you the latest news that has happened in the wee hours you all were sleeping........
As you were just informed moments ago, Jason is indeed crazy, and this little entry here dosn't help...it's all too obvious, ever present, and therefore no longer current news....
Moving into current affairs....I've been shopping at Strack N Van Til a lot more now, Meijer ticked me of not having a wide choice of fruit drinks like limade, and a higher price for when they did...so to my belief a, what i would presume to be a somwhat attrtactive, girl who works there kept eying me as i walked in the store, or left. i started having that feeling i get at miejer when the security guys follow me around, you know what i'm talking about..anyways, she approached me last night saying, "you look familiar" of coruse my natural reaction is to say i'm sorry, then she asks is your name Jason...feeling a little bit of deja voo from last night i say yes. She then says, "are you jason angus, and you worked at alco?" yeah, that's me alright...it turned out to be Lacey, on of Kristin Baker's friends whom i apparantly met at one point. afterwards i also met up with her mother who works there as well....small world indeed....
**Commercial** CaltrateItís never too late to start building and maintaining strong bones. Along with a healthy diet and regular exercise, the calcium in CaltrateÆ can help reduce the risk of osteoporosis and may even help reduce the risk of colon polyps.* Make Caltrate part of your Life....
On to a follow up story. A couple weeks ago we ran a story about how Brooke wasn't returning my calls. i inturn, gave her the space she needed, and bid my time, painfully might i add. bring you to the present...well it's saturday night and i'm working, 7 minutes before break is announced and i get a call from brooke...she doesn't leave a message and i'm left wondering should i call hr back or not on break... fearing waking up her roommate or soemthign else, i bit my tongue and called the next day..wherein i actually spoke with her. call it the highlgiht on my day if you will, but we spoke, though briefly it seemed, she left to work on some homework...i told her to call me whenever she has some free time....and now tonight's poll in question is, since the 2+ week ice was broken, do i call her back in a couple days, or do i sit by the phone and let her call me....on to sports
Actually, it was a sad day in the sports world...Bears lost their season opener to the 49'ers...when i saw the final score, i was like, ok, 49 that's the team...what's the scor..oh 49 to 7 is the score..sad..bears haven't had this bad of a start since 74....in other sports news i saw this kick ass game of basketball, it was played with trampolines and thus dubbed slamball, on ESPN or somethign....whatever you do, catch this if you can, even if you aren't a sports fan, you'll like it, i guarantee it...
Now's it's time for stupid quotes by Jason.....just a minute ago I was sitting here while someone used the computer....i grew tired of sitting here waiting and in an act of desperation i actually said, "i'm going go to the batthroom..yeah, I'm bored enough to do that.." plain stupidity...
Let's go to the weather forecast... well you can take today's forecast and duplicate it by four because that's pretty much how it's gonig to be up to thursday. Partly cloudy skies highs in the low 80's, evening's bringing moderatly breezy air and cooler temperatures. But as the weekend approaches we can kiss this nice weather goodbye. high probability of thunderstorms raging through the entire weekend bringing in a cold front, so if you had any plans to go to Terre Haute or Indy, chances are you'll be spending your time indoors. now back to the news..
In a wrapp-up of events, former ALCO employee Kristen Manns' wedding was this weekend, marking the first in my public book to go down with a wedding. Others are on the list as well, thoguh we can scratch one off for a different reason as well. The soon to be newly weds Zak and Escarlen are no longer, in what appears to be a mutual split, they have called off any wedding to be and gone thier seperate ways. Zak can be found back where the love is, living with his parents in that place called home...
Well that's all the time we have today, thank you for joining us, stayed tuned for more updates about stupid pointless things...til next time I'm you're host Jason Angus, and I'll be waiting patiently with the phone in my hand for you to call...you know you want to brighten up my day Brooke....
Saddistic, Depresing, WWF Influenced, or just Jason Angus...
So the other night at Target, probably last night, i can't remember really, everythign's a blur..even with all the sleep i have been getting....anyways...people come to work, and they usually bring along some riddle or somethign crazy from the children's homework for us to solve for the kid....
so they ask me the question..."name two occupations that begin with the letters U and K"..maybe one more, but i'll stick with those..
And you know what my first response was, almost immediatly.....Undertaker...yeah, got a strange look for a split second, but thn the person was happy to have an ocupation...thne they ask me for one more....took me a little longer, but then i said, Urologist...
so the first response i would have top say is saddistic, the latter, myself....just a bit of humor for ya'lls
So the other night at Target, probably last night, i can't remember really, everythign's a blur..even with all the sleep i have been getting....anyways...people come to work, and they usually bring along some riddle or somethign crazy from the children's homework for us to solve for the kid....
so they ask me the question..."name two occupations that begin with the letters U and K"..maybe one more, but i'll stick with those..
And you know what my first response was, almost immediatly.....Undertaker...yeah, got a strange look for a split second, but thn the person was happy to have an ocupation...thne they ask me for one more....took me a little longer, but then i said, Urologist...
so the first response i would have top say is saddistic, the latter, myself....just a bit of humor for ya'lls
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Wedding Daze
Yeah, yesterday was eventful....i could go on telling how bad ass everything was, but in all, i don't think anyone would understand my facade of hype....
Kristen's Wedding was yesterday...the reception was the bowling alley...and so when i went over to alco mike suggested we should go on his break, and we did just that. i bought a wedding card, we signed it and headed around the corner. this marks the first time i have ever been in that bowling alley, go figure. didn't make it that far into the actual bowling alley, there's a side room we were rushed into. it was a nice little party, reminded me of any reception i've ever been to...and instantly i was greated by a (had to be drinking) Danielle, Kristen's friend and co-worker from ALCO. she was happy to see me, maybe too happy, but everything was ok. the warm greeting reminded me what freidnds are for, she showed me around, directed me to the food first, m,ade some coomenmts about the husband, made us sign a book, then grabbed the bride for us. afterwards she pulled me aside and whispered to me, "and there's the dance floor, go out, have some fun and dance, plenty of cute single girls down there.." i stayed by tghe food, dropped off the card in a cool little box and the bride came her way...apparently everyone was suprised to see me there, probably because i wasn't directly told about the whole thing. time grew short on us, and i had to take mike back to work for his break was over, and i wasn't going to return alone...plus i had to work at target that night....
and speaking of target....it's always nice to know you're so well known by the general public....i get into work and wendy tells me i have to train some new guy, alright if i must...so i meet him, he seems like a cool guy, i introduce myself being zany as my normal self is, and go through the fubnctions of the LRT with him...after we seperate in our aisles one apart, he quickly comes over to me and says...."you wouldn't happen to be from lowell would you? and of course i say yes. and then he says, "and you name is jason right?" and i'm likie, sure is..and then he says, "are you the jason angus?" in the flesh i respond..of course followed up with a why? he tells me he's gheard stories about me and this and that....apparently he's PETE, debby pioth's pete, well was her pete..and he also knows dan chesner...small world...oh and what's funnier is during break i have him sit with us asnd we're telling about we indirectly know each other, and i'm also debating whether or not to call brooke back, didn't know if she called from her room, if her roommate was there, if it was too late, going back and forth with all the different options...he remarks...hey, now that you mwention it, the name brooke sounds familiar....so apparantly my life story is well known by a large mass of the public..got to love that....
and yes, i didn't add in paragraphs to this post...two ideas, bite me.....
Yeah, yesterday was eventful....i could go on telling how bad ass everything was, but in all, i don't think anyone would understand my facade of hype....
Kristen's Wedding was yesterday...the reception was the bowling alley...and so when i went over to alco mike suggested we should go on his break, and we did just that. i bought a wedding card, we signed it and headed around the corner. this marks the first time i have ever been in that bowling alley, go figure. didn't make it that far into the actual bowling alley, there's a side room we were rushed into. it was a nice little party, reminded me of any reception i've ever been to...and instantly i was greated by a (had to be drinking) Danielle, Kristen's friend and co-worker from ALCO. she was happy to see me, maybe too happy, but everything was ok. the warm greeting reminded me what freidnds are for, she showed me around, directed me to the food first, m,ade some coomenmts about the husband, made us sign a book, then grabbed the bride for us. afterwards she pulled me aside and whispered to me, "and there's the dance floor, go out, have some fun and dance, plenty of cute single girls down there.." i stayed by tghe food, dropped off the card in a cool little box and the bride came her way...apparently everyone was suprised to see me there, probably because i wasn't directly told about the whole thing. time grew short on us, and i had to take mike back to work for his break was over, and i wasn't going to return alone...plus i had to work at target that night....
and speaking of target....it's always nice to know you're so well known by the general public....i get into work and wendy tells me i have to train some new guy, alright if i must...so i meet him, he seems like a cool guy, i introduce myself being zany as my normal self is, and go through the fubnctions of the LRT with him...after we seperate in our aisles one apart, he quickly comes over to me and says...."you wouldn't happen to be from lowell would you? and of course i say yes. and then he says, "and you name is jason right?" and i'm likie, sure is..and then he says, "are you the jason angus?" in the flesh i respond..of course followed up with a why? he tells me he's gheard stories about me and this and that....apparently he's PETE, debby pioth's pete, well was her pete..and he also knows dan chesner...small world...oh and what's funnier is during break i have him sit with us asnd we're telling about we indirectly know each other, and i'm also debating whether or not to call brooke back, didn't know if she called from her room, if her roommate was there, if it was too late, going back and forth with all the different options...he remarks...hey, now that you mwention it, the name brooke sounds familiar....so apparantly my life story is well known by a large mass of the public..got to love that....
and yes, i didn't add in paragraphs to this post...two ideas, bite me.....
Friday, September 05, 2003
Hapiness....
No, not the movie, sorry Zach, but maybe i'll actually get to watch it one day....
today's Friday, i have the day off from target, yay...i want to be productive today, do thigns, go out, go up north, haven't been to the mall in ages..though i suppose i'll be up there wednesday, but still, best buy, something...
oh i know what, i'll straighten out the fret board to my/vince's guitar, get it re-strung, i think he wouldn't mind that...unless i strung it for a left handed person like i want to....
Not too much gonig on, but for some reason i'm in an overall acceptance mood, though this is still disturbing no matter how you look at it....
ohhh...i'm a gambling man now, yeah, after watching many a hour of ther poker tourney's, we've started playing...i won last night's pot, $5, yeah i rock....but tonight there will be more people, and therefore the pot will be bigger....great time to chat, smoke cigars, drink a little something something, and have a good time...i feel like i'm in my mid 30's....wish me luck...
working on my speach for my press announcement, it'll be good, just give me some time...
you know, if i restring the guitar to be left handed, i would have to buy a right handed guitar to compansate if i sucked at lefty, hmmmm.....
techno makes the world taste better...i mean makes me happier...and glowing light sticks are cool....
the weather's getting cooler, time to wear my jackets, hell yes, never been so excited before, don't ask me why either...i'm so gonig to be wearing the brown leather jacket which nobody likes, yeah, and play guitar.....
you know, my life is becoming more and more sterotypical of some bum homeless person, the guitar, the gambling, the homelessness.... i'm so writting a book, i think i have the time for that right, just need to get some mindy's ( I think that's what they are called) to further the persona of bobby D....
well that was pretty long and i didn't have anything to say, well i suppose i did if it was this long, oh well, going now....
No, not the movie, sorry Zach, but maybe i'll actually get to watch it one day....
today's Friday, i have the day off from target, yay...i want to be productive today, do thigns, go out, go up north, haven't been to the mall in ages..though i suppose i'll be up there wednesday, but still, best buy, something...
oh i know what, i'll straighten out the fret board to my/vince's guitar, get it re-strung, i think he wouldn't mind that...unless i strung it for a left handed person like i want to....
Not too much gonig on, but for some reason i'm in an overall acceptance mood, though this is still disturbing no matter how you look at it....
ohhh...i'm a gambling man now, yeah, after watching many a hour of ther poker tourney's, we've started playing...i won last night's pot, $5, yeah i rock....but tonight there will be more people, and therefore the pot will be bigger....great time to chat, smoke cigars, drink a little something something, and have a good time...i feel like i'm in my mid 30's....wish me luck...
working on my speach for my press announcement, it'll be good, just give me some time...
you know, if i restring the guitar to be left handed, i would have to buy a right handed guitar to compansate if i sucked at lefty, hmmmm.....
techno makes the world taste better...i mean makes me happier...and glowing light sticks are cool....
the weather's getting cooler, time to wear my jackets, hell yes, never been so excited before, don't ask me why either...i'm so gonig to be wearing the brown leather jacket which nobody likes, yeah, and play guitar.....
you know, my life is becoming more and more sterotypical of some bum homeless person, the guitar, the gambling, the homelessness.... i'm so writting a book, i think i have the time for that right, just need to get some mindy's ( I think that's what they are called) to further the persona of bobby D....
well that was pretty long and i didn't have anything to say, well i suppose i did if it was this long, oh well, going now....
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Here....
So I'm here, doing good doing good...work was work, enjoyable...i really don't have much to say....maybe a couple things....
This Red Cavalier guy is sprouting around the web...well on xangas that is....i think he made his first appearance on my Xanga with a comment on a bumper sticker a red cavalier had on it....and now he's harassing other people as well, well the coment towards me wasn't harassing but still....he derived the name from the damn pic....so i know the person must know me, and therefore reads this as well, so if you do, make a comment on here....we're wondering who you really are...
moving on....
Zach, I am calling upon you for some help on a little project, it'll be fun, and i'm sure you'll get a kick out of it too....so iof you're interested, leave a coment or call me.....
funny how there used to be only one person who called me after 10pm.....then came in asian tony.....but now, two totally different people are taking that spot.....damn, why must i be the protector...
well that's all for now....working on my public announcement, sticking with the origianl idea, as is well
So I'm here, doing good doing good...work was work, enjoyable...i really don't have much to say....maybe a couple things....
This Red Cavalier guy is sprouting around the web...well on xangas that is....i think he made his first appearance on my Xanga with a comment on a bumper sticker a red cavalier had on it....and now he's harassing other people as well, well the coment towards me wasn't harassing but still....he derived the name from the damn pic....so i know the person must know me, and therefore reads this as well, so if you do, make a comment on here....we're wondering who you really are...
moving on....
Zach, I am calling upon you for some help on a little project, it'll be fun, and i'm sure you'll get a kick out of it too....so iof you're interested, leave a coment or call me.....
funny how there used to be only one person who called me after 10pm.....then came in asian tony.....but now, two totally different people are taking that spot.....damn, why must i be the protector...
well that's all for now....working on my public announcement, sticking with the origianl idea, as is well
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Well...
I was going to tell you that I was actually having a good day, i know i've been dragging this depressed thing into the ground...but overall i say topday was good, nothing bad happened, thoguh i can't recall anything great happening, it was just there, minus bad stuff. laqst night was alright, i don't if i didn't let things bother me, or what the deal was....i know i went through the 5 steps of whatever, denial, acceptance, this and that about 100 times, funny shit. it\s whopper wednesday and i'm good....well i was, of course i always have to have something knock me back to reality...it's funny how one little thign, one word, or rather a grouping in a sentence can slam you to a halt, like hitting i brick mailbox doing 70 in your car, you stop dead in your tracks. your heart falls to the pic of your stopmache, beatting every now and then and with such a force it makes you jolt as well. you won't die from this, oh no, you'll suffer some more...all the while the brick structure is fine, standing tall, mocking you..
there will be a public announcement made by me.....though i think i am going to scrap the original speach......
I was going to tell you that I was actually having a good day, i know i've been dragging this depressed thing into the ground...but overall i say topday was good, nothing bad happened, thoguh i can't recall anything great happening, it was just there, minus bad stuff. laqst night was alright, i don't if i didn't let things bother me, or what the deal was....i know i went through the 5 steps of whatever, denial, acceptance, this and that about 100 times, funny shit. it\s whopper wednesday and i'm good....well i was, of course i always have to have something knock me back to reality...it's funny how one little thign, one word, or rather a grouping in a sentence can slam you to a halt, like hitting i brick mailbox doing 70 in your car, you stop dead in your tracks. your heart falls to the pic of your stopmache, beatting every now and then and with such a force it makes you jolt as well. you won't die from this, oh no, you'll suffer some more...all the while the brick structure is fine, standing tall, mocking you..
there will be a public announcement made by me.....though i think i am going to scrap the original speach......
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Like a Bird, On a Wire...
So another incident wherein my vehicle is the result of an animal killing....this happened yesterday, in the same area it always happens, actually the same road i killed the first bunny..
i just dropped of Fischer's keys at Brooke's, she wasn't there, so i have yet to see her, even though she said she would see me on labor day weekend...ahemcoughcough...so i'm driving, talking to myself or listening to music, when all off a sudden this bird comes flying up out of the grass and kinda angled for me. well it hit the corner of my windsheild pretty hard and flopped to the ground. you know me, naturally i braked, threw the car in park, parking at a funny angle, turned on tghe hazards and went running down the road towards the fallen bird. i got to it and the birtd was still alive, though not moving, just breathing and opening it's eyes every now and then. i tried to see if by getting close to it would make it move away, it didn't.
several cars passed by me, but i stood in the middle of the raod not allowing for the bird to get hit...i didn't want it to die like that...so i made a dash sprint back to my car where i popped the trunk to get somethign to move the bird out of the way...frisbees and a towel. when i got back a car drove by me and stopped...it was an elderly couple and asked if i was alright, i told them the story and they asked if they could do anything, i told them i had everything under control. they drove away and i began to pick up the bird...
as i am picking the bird up with the frisbees and towel, he\s not moving anynmore....i doubt it was the fear of me that made him not move, he was dying, or did die...so quickly i picked him up and brought him to the side of the raod in the grass...i laid him on his back as i put him down...and as i did this i told him why, it was to give him one last look at the sky before he died. i stood before the bird, had my moment of silence, then walked back to my car. no other cars phased me as they passed,, i had entered my own little world, almost horrific ending, walking back to a car parked on the side of the road, trunk open, hazards flashingm, long extended blinking of the eyes corresponding with the flashing lights, hearing nothing but the beating of your heart, the fall of your footsteps, only intensified by the pounding of bass coming from the techno music within the car. why does my life feel like i'm the bird...
So another incident wherein my vehicle is the result of an animal killing....this happened yesterday, in the same area it always happens, actually the same road i killed the first bunny..
i just dropped of Fischer's keys at Brooke's, she wasn't there, so i have yet to see her, even though she said she would see me on labor day weekend...ahemcoughcough...so i'm driving, talking to myself or listening to music, when all off a sudden this bird comes flying up out of the grass and kinda angled for me. well it hit the corner of my windsheild pretty hard and flopped to the ground. you know me, naturally i braked, threw the car in park, parking at a funny angle, turned on tghe hazards and went running down the road towards the fallen bird. i got to it and the birtd was still alive, though not moving, just breathing and opening it's eyes every now and then. i tried to see if by getting close to it would make it move away, it didn't.
several cars passed by me, but i stood in the middle of the raod not allowing for the bird to get hit...i didn't want it to die like that...so i made a dash sprint back to my car where i popped the trunk to get somethign to move the bird out of the way...frisbees and a towel. when i got back a car drove by me and stopped...it was an elderly couple and asked if i was alright, i told them the story and they asked if they could do anything, i told them i had everything under control. they drove away and i began to pick up the bird...
as i am picking the bird up with the frisbees and towel, he\s not moving anynmore....i doubt it was the fear of me that made him not move, he was dying, or did die...so quickly i picked him up and brought him to the side of the raod in the grass...i laid him on his back as i put him down...and as i did this i told him why, it was to give him one last look at the sky before he died. i stood before the bird, had my moment of silence, then walked back to my car. no other cars phased me as they passed,, i had entered my own little world, almost horrific ending, walking back to a car parked on the side of the road, trunk open, hazards flashingm, long extended blinking of the eyes corresponding with the flashing lights, hearing nothing but the beating of your heart, the fall of your footsteps, only intensified by the pounding of bass coming from the techno music within the car. why does my life feel like i'm the bird...
"You seem like a nice guy..but here's a little bit of advice....."
So, ever hate it when people just know something is wrong wtih you? Well I've been getting that more and more often, well basically the past week or so. I'm not acting any different than normal, working steady, if not harder, doing my thing, not moping around or slacking, but i'm kinda keeping to myself as well. i guess one draw back is somethign does have to get messed up, work hard, keep to self, or work slowly yet kinda are still yourself, whatever.
so people have been noticing, and asking what's up. is something wrong, did i make you mad, this and that, people are concerned i guess, apparently i have to always be the life of the party for the backroom, can't just work hard and be quiet. so they know something's up, but can't erally put their finger on it, and i just go about my business as if everything's fine....
For break today, instead of sitting in the normal training room, i took my all my stuff and went in the corner of TSC where nobody could find me. one thing i thought was funny was it didn't take but a couple minutes for people to see the guitar was gone and start looking for me...yeah people who actually cared went to find me when i wasn't in the normal place, unlike some inhumane fucks i know..grrr..sorry...and another funny thing with that is more than half of those people are in the training room because of me, i know that may sound arrogant, but it's the truth, let me explain....
we always used to sit out at food avenue, then when we had food events we would go to the training room. well it kept on flip flopping every day wehere we would sit, so i finally got tired of moving around, like talking with the normal two people who sat in the training room, and lowe and behold, those who used to sit with me at food avenue, now only sit in the training room. i think we have 15+ people there on average a night, that's a good chunk, especially for that room.
even after break, my back room team lead started taslking to me as we threw up boxes, asking me where i went, iof everything was ok, this and that...then she goes, "you know you're the only reason why i started sitting in there to begin with" somethign along those lines...but it's true, you started debating, talking, voicing opinions on this and that, and it draws a crowd..people litteraly come to sit just for the expirience..../and now that i got a guitar, they want a concert every night, though those unapreciative F's don't like the music i like...
but from aside all that, i do my thing..no big deal...i mean it's killing me inside, and only some can see that come out in me....as for the silence treatment, still receiving it from everyone listed before...my mother i could care less about, she'll come around if she does, i made an effort at the time of silence, then she took off, i movce on....as for the coworker, i made the last effort for contact, after she took off one night, i called the cell so maybe she would be able to voice an opinion in a more private surrounding like on the cell phone, she didn't answer, nor replied back to the voicemail..so everything is justified in my mind and i will now play this thrid grader game of silence treatment, both with my mom and the coworker, whom i really don't have to work with....but i will not play the game with brooke...i'm sorry but we are past this, w should be able to talk to one another, or give a final statement, anything...
how do you think i feel to find out that she is in town for the weekend, from her sister...and not getting a phone call saying sh's in town, or a suprise visit..adn when you call her, it sounds like she's mad at you for doing so, and says she has to go, and just repeats that over and over, then finally says goodbye and hangs up. i don't efven know if i did something wrong, she won't even tell me let alone talk to me. she spent more than 72 hours here in lowell, only minutes away from me..and she avoided me at all costs...
so when somebody says, give them space, or give her space, or somethign along those lines, what the hell does that mean? what, stop trying to figure out why the person won't talk to you, is mad at you, whatever, so that it is easier to forget about you and move on to someone else..wow, that was a lot of venting right there..once agian my pre-appologies are conming up right now, and now's time for the present appologies..and we're good..
i'm sorry, i'm just so confused and lost and...and...my november's closing in on me agian....
So, ever hate it when people just know something is wrong wtih you? Well I've been getting that more and more often, well basically the past week or so. I'm not acting any different than normal, working steady, if not harder, doing my thing, not moping around or slacking, but i'm kinda keeping to myself as well. i guess one draw back is somethign does have to get messed up, work hard, keep to self, or work slowly yet kinda are still yourself, whatever.
so people have been noticing, and asking what's up. is something wrong, did i make you mad, this and that, people are concerned i guess, apparently i have to always be the life of the party for the backroom, can't just work hard and be quiet. so they know something's up, but can't erally put their finger on it, and i just go about my business as if everything's fine....
For break today, instead of sitting in the normal training room, i took my all my stuff and went in the corner of TSC where nobody could find me. one thing i thought was funny was it didn't take but a couple minutes for people to see the guitar was gone and start looking for me...yeah people who actually cared went to find me when i wasn't in the normal place, unlike some inhumane fucks i know..grrr..sorry...and another funny thing with that is more than half of those people are in the training room because of me, i know that may sound arrogant, but it's the truth, let me explain....
we always used to sit out at food avenue, then when we had food events we would go to the training room. well it kept on flip flopping every day wehere we would sit, so i finally got tired of moving around, like talking with the normal two people who sat in the training room, and lowe and behold, those who used to sit with me at food avenue, now only sit in the training room. i think we have 15+ people there on average a night, that's a good chunk, especially for that room.
even after break, my back room team lead started taslking to me as we threw up boxes, asking me where i went, iof everything was ok, this and that...then she goes, "you know you're the only reason why i started sitting in there to begin with" somethign along those lines...but it's true, you started debating, talking, voicing opinions on this and that, and it draws a crowd..people litteraly come to sit just for the expirience..../and now that i got a guitar, they want a concert every night, though those unapreciative F's don't like the music i like...
but from aside all that, i do my thing..no big deal...i mean it's killing me inside, and only some can see that come out in me....as for the silence treatment, still receiving it from everyone listed before...my mother i could care less about, she'll come around if she does, i made an effort at the time of silence, then she took off, i movce on....as for the coworker, i made the last effort for contact, after she took off one night, i called the cell so maybe she would be able to voice an opinion in a more private surrounding like on the cell phone, she didn't answer, nor replied back to the voicemail..so everything is justified in my mind and i will now play this thrid grader game of silence treatment, both with my mom and the coworker, whom i really don't have to work with....but i will not play the game with brooke...i'm sorry but we are past this, w should be able to talk to one another, or give a final statement, anything...
how do you think i feel to find out that she is in town for the weekend, from her sister...and not getting a phone call saying sh's in town, or a suprise visit..adn when you call her, it sounds like she's mad at you for doing so, and says she has to go, and just repeats that over and over, then finally says goodbye and hangs up. i don't efven know if i did something wrong, she won't even tell me let alone talk to me. she spent more than 72 hours here in lowell, only minutes away from me..and she avoided me at all costs...
so when somebody says, give them space, or give her space, or somethign along those lines, what the hell does that mean? what, stop trying to figure out why the person won't talk to you, is mad at you, whatever, so that it is easier to forget about you and move on to someone else..wow, that was a lot of venting right there..once agian my pre-appologies are conming up right now, and now's time for the present appologies..and we're good..
i'm sorry, i'm just so confused and lost and...and...my november's closing in on me agian....
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