For Lack of a Better Title..

the

things

i do..but shouldn't

I was at work..bored..and left to myself...the internet would only let me go to so many websites, and I had read every news article about people beating one another up for discounted deals moments after stuffing their faces full of turkey.  I went through emails..don't know why or how I landed on hers, but I did...I started at the beginning and read every one of those words, stinging like burning coal to my heart...

I looked at the pictures, and read more.  I wish I could be hooked up to machines and have doctors monitor my heart, the beats, my brainwaves, as I read your words.  And it's just your words..I skimmed over others' before I got to yours - probably because I knew the weight of all that has been said, and all that was done...probably because, when it comes down to it, I actually loved you.

I can sit here and wonder if you still think about me, like i think about you, now...and as much as I wish you did, even once a blue moon, I know the dark side to that eclipse.  So i just re-read the words that once were true, the words I need to hear so dearly through.  And even though I know my fate, there's no denying my heart will break.  I want to stop before that point where things went wrong, and stay there standing all life long.  I keep reading the words that end this note, sometimes wishing it was all you ever wrote.

"If you take anything away from this email.. just know I think about you often and believe it or not, I miss you at times"