51 Hours..

too tired to care,
too tired not to

ughhh....that's all i can sum up the past....i don't even know....i was able to squeeze an update out of the lack of internet melon i had the other day...i need to get back on track...it's hard to form habits when other things are making it impossible to stay on beat...

i got another crappy schedule this week, actually it was the same at last week but instead of going somewhere i spent the time cooped up in the apartment from the time i got home from work on tuesday til today...51 hours without stepping foot outside..

i've had plans to do things, but i just hadn't had the motivation to do it..and when i wanted to yesterday i couldn't...you see the AT&T internet guy called at 4 saying he was at a job but would be over right after that..well, i couldn't leave in fear that i would miss the guy..so i waited..and waited...and waited...10pm came around and i decided to make some food, fucking att...

so today i felt extraordinarily tired...that didn't help me get moving, neither did the sudden change in direction for service going well for the apartment...the maintenance people came over to put the screens back on our patio..they've only been off since we've moved in, lord only knows why they took them off in the first place, nothing was wrong with them....after they were finished up, the cable guy showed up..so i sat there and watched him make new cables and connect boxes...after that i laid back down...i was in and out of sleep all day...Phil came in my room to borrow my lapy to hook up the interent, apparently he was on the phone with AT&T...after a bit of time the internet was setup....coool, Thursdays everything gets pieced together it seems...

3 pm rolled around and i meant to get going with my To-Do list, but with the new acquisition of internet and cable, i had a lot of catching up to do...a lot of porn to view and stalking...i became grossly engaged in online conversations with people that ate into my time frame...4 pm - no trip to btown...5pm - no trip to the antique stores...6pm - no trip to take a look at the bedroom set...7pm - ok seriously, let's get a move on...

i went tanning, partially fell asleep in the bed, probably the best tanning experience i have ever had though, at no time did i get hot, and it was very peaceful..way to kill myself...then i drove around, went to furniture stores...i've come to realize i hate buying new things like beds and tables because of how poorly made everything is..cheap flimsy wood, lightweight...funk this..i'll stick to the antique stores and get quality...

i was on the east side of southport by this point so i made a stop into meijer - now i had only two things on my list, tweezers and razors...but it's meijer, a million reasons a sinlge store, that's meijer...i never grab a cart (because there's always one around) - i find the two initial items i am looking for and decide to continue looking..starts in electronics but then moves onto the other half of the store, you know, where the food is located...

i decide i want chocolate milk, you know me...but upon my arrival in front of the dairy rape juice barriers of glass i noticed something..something that only comes out once a year....eggnog! it's my thing to buy a half gallon of eggnog every year the first time i see it....and it seems that every year it comes out earlier and earlier...

continuing on with my grocery adventure i walk next to the end of the aisles looking down them, trying to remember what it is like to grocery shop...it's one of those things tat makes me happy, or least it used to, don't ask me why...but it's been so long since i've actually lived in a place where i had access to ovens, fridges, an actual kitchen...i can't even remember the things i used to buy all the time to stock my freezer or cabinets...

while passing by one aisle and young lady catches my eye - i'm still in my sleepy what the fuck state and it takes me to the next aisle for me to realize the girl and process the sighting...i double back or a second look and my thoughts are confirmed, sorta...she looks like a girl i used to work with..so there i stand looking like some sort of freak at the end of the aisle, tilting my head trying to get a good look at the face to tell whether or not it is the girl - i'm an idiot...so then i start to make my way down the aisle and she looks at me, smiles and then we both realize we know each other..we converse, all in all it was a good talk. for some reason she gave me her number and told me that i should stop by sometime, i could bring the boys too, since they live right across the street from meijer..coool.

i continue shopping, i come across the cereal aisle and of course have to get me some lucky charms...by now it's hard to hold the two half gallons of milk, two boxes of cereal, and the random small items i got in H&B...i start to walk away, but it isn't long before i find an empty abandoned shopping cart, and then it was on...

in the next couple minutes i pick up random items, it wasn't true shopping, just frozen goods and shit like that..i make my way to the front of the store and call it quits..as i walk my cart by the check out lanes i see the girl again and she sees my cart, i just shake my head and say, "i don't even know how this happened...."

stop at subway, pick up some food....i really don't want to do anything today..i barely wrote this blog...fuck me right?

" ..of course i care...but she's a different person now, she changed and so she's no longer what i loved, and that's all she wrote "