i can't take it
i said i didn't want to blog about this, but honestly, it's the only thing i can turn to...if you don't wanna hear stupid shit, stop reading now, just a forewarning, it's not gonna be pretty...
Sunday's are never really eventful for me...i do laundry, that's about it..oh yeah, i usually work some bullshit shift and make no money as well...tonight was no exception. i wasn't in a closing section, i wasn't on a party, so i knew i wasn't gonna make money...i got pissed right off the bat after preshift when i was told to adjust some tables...now this isn't an absurd request, and usually goes without question, but even after the host told me to take my 6 top down to a 4 he paused and checked with management about the legitimacy of it...
see, i was in the back of the front section - my section consisted of a 4-top, 2-top booth, and the 6-top already set up..the closers were in front of me, and behind me i had 2 more four tops and 2 more booths before we get to the back of the dining room...my 6-topped table, table 15, was already plotted with a 6 top arriving at 8pm...the 4 top would be arriving at 5...so instead of putting the 4 top reservation on one of my four tops, or on one of the four tops around me, they had me break down my 6 top and reset it for four...double work, i fucking hate it.
my 4 arrives, they dine, leave shortly after 7...now i am standing around...no walk-ins are coming in, and any that do, which are singles, are going to the closers..i make the comment to the manager on duty, Steve, that if i were to take the supposed six top that was coming in at 8pm, they wouldn't finishing dining til 10 or so..keeping me here with the closers, meaning i'd get cut after the six sat, and i'd be pulling my dick for the six to leave while the closers got tables, or resented the fact i had a six top and wasn't closing...
it goes right over his head...but lucky for me the six top ended up calling to cancel the reservation, so Steve then asked me if i wanted to stay or go..what do you think i did...i made my half set, did part of my closing sidework i could do without interfering with the restaurant operation, and went home.
back in my room i watched the Bears victory via espn updates, it's exciting, but not as..actually it sucks hardcore to try and keep up that way. i continued doing laundry..washing my sheets and blankets...i'm trying to remove any trace of her whatsoever at this point..no more bodily fluid stains, no more hair, no more of her scent..i can't handle it...she last spoke to me on Friday at 1, and i've done my part to send texts, three on Friday, as mentioned in prior rants, but i haven't heard from her since...i haven't seen her online, she hasn't done anything online the past couple days...TJ tries to convince me that something happened, but TJ also tries to make me think and do a lot of crazy things in regards to this situation...
at one moment we think that maybe i'm dead, that it's kinda like "the sixth sense", over the weekend i have sent emails, messages, and interacted with people on my end, but received no responses from them to me...do i exist this weekend???
finally at 2am i see a status update from her, she's ok....but i'm not. it's been over two days and i haven't heard word one from her since...i'm still thinking i fucked up Thursday's meeting somehow...i go over things with TJ again, i go over Friday's events as well...i still am at a loss
i think i really lost her...i was told to get a girl when she's 18 or 24..anything in between is just a waste of your time, too rambunctious, too crazy, changing and out of control....at 24 it's out of their system and they'll want to settle down, at 18 you can rope them in a relationship and young love will do the rest...well, i had the 18 year old girl madly in love with me, and somehow i managed to fuck it up...
i'll never learn a lesson at this rate, i'll die alone.
she won't see this, ever, she doesn't even know the address of the website, let alone i really don't think she cares to look it up...i think i was right about everything i said at this point...i think it's over for sure...i need to "Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" her out of my life right now..it's just what i do, it's how i deal with things, as wrong as that may be it's the only thing i'll ever do for myself
i can't believe it's over...i don't wanna believe it's over...maybe there's an explanation for this all..maybe she's seeing how strong i am, maybe she wants to me come crawling back..this feeling just makes me wanna keel over and die honestly
i have tomorrow off....i don't know what i'll do....go sox..i just need to clear my mind...i wished i didn't care so much..i wished she didn't say we were making progress on Thursday...anything that gives me an ounce of hope to hang onto, i'll clutch with a death grip...this sucks
Sunday's are never really eventful for me...i do laundry, that's about it..oh yeah, i usually work some bullshit shift and make no money as well...tonight was no exception. i wasn't in a closing section, i wasn't on a party, so i knew i wasn't gonna make money...i got pissed right off the bat after preshift when i was told to adjust some tables...now this isn't an absurd request, and usually goes without question, but even after the host told me to take my 6 top down to a 4 he paused and checked with management about the legitimacy of it...
see, i was in the back of the front section - my section consisted of a 4-top, 2-top booth, and the 6-top already set up..the closers were in front of me, and behind me i had 2 more four tops and 2 more booths before we get to the back of the dining room...my 6-topped table, table 15, was already plotted with a 6 top arriving at 8pm...the 4 top would be arriving at 5...so instead of putting the 4 top reservation on one of my four tops, or on one of the four tops around me, they had me break down my 6 top and reset it for four...double work, i fucking hate it.
my 4 arrives, they dine, leave shortly after 7...now i am standing around...no walk-ins are coming in, and any that do, which are singles, are going to the closers..i make the comment to the manager on duty, Steve, that if i were to take the supposed six top that was coming in at 8pm, they wouldn't finishing dining til 10 or so..keeping me here with the closers, meaning i'd get cut after the six sat, and i'd be pulling my dick for the six to leave while the closers got tables, or resented the fact i had a six top and wasn't closing...
it goes right over his head...but lucky for me the six top ended up calling to cancel the reservation, so Steve then asked me if i wanted to stay or go..what do you think i did...i made my half set, did part of my closing sidework i could do without interfering with the restaurant operation, and went home.
back in my room i watched the Bears victory via espn updates, it's exciting, but not as..actually it sucks hardcore to try and keep up that way. i continued doing laundry..washing my sheets and blankets...i'm trying to remove any trace of her whatsoever at this point..no more bodily fluid stains, no more hair, no more of her scent..i can't handle it...she last spoke to me on Friday at 1, and i've done my part to send texts, three on Friday, as mentioned in prior rants, but i haven't heard from her since...i haven't seen her online, she hasn't done anything online the past couple days...TJ tries to convince me that something happened, but TJ also tries to make me think and do a lot of crazy things in regards to this situation...
at one moment we think that maybe i'm dead, that it's kinda like "the sixth sense", over the weekend i have sent emails, messages, and interacted with people on my end, but received no responses from them to me...do i exist this weekend???
finally at 2am i see a status update from her, she's ok....but i'm not. it's been over two days and i haven't heard word one from her since...i'm still thinking i fucked up Thursday's meeting somehow...i go over things with TJ again, i go over Friday's events as well...i still am at a loss
i think i really lost her...i was told to get a girl when she's 18 or 24..anything in between is just a waste of your time, too rambunctious, too crazy, changing and out of control....at 24 it's out of their system and they'll want to settle down, at 18 you can rope them in a relationship and young love will do the rest...well, i had the 18 year old girl madly in love with me, and somehow i managed to fuck it up...
i'll never learn a lesson at this rate, i'll die alone.
she won't see this, ever, she doesn't even know the address of the website, let alone i really don't think she cares to look it up...i think i was right about everything i said at this point...i think it's over for sure...i need to "Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" her out of my life right now..it's just what i do, it's how i deal with things, as wrong as that may be it's the only thing i'll ever do for myself
i can't believe it's over...i don't wanna believe it's over...maybe there's an explanation for this all..maybe she's seeing how strong i am, maybe she wants to me come crawling back..this feeling just makes me wanna keel over and die honestly
i have tomorrow off....i don't know what i'll do....go sox..i just need to clear my mind...i wished i didn't care so much..i wished she didn't say we were making progress on Thursday...anything that gives me an ounce of hope to hang onto, i'll clutch with a death grip...this sucks
"I'm gonna fuck you so hard, your children's children are gonna be born not virgins"
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