Where did i put my.....

So I'm searching, yet I'm finding nothing. I am having so many problems from so many different areas. I don't know if these count as my feelings, just some random thoguhts, based i feelings i suppose. So i said, not just to myself, but to anyone who was in earshot, i'm sick and tired of working 70 hours a week, it's finally catching up to me, or maybe i'm jealous of others having "free time", who knows. I mean granted i will always have to work, whether i have money or not, just to keep myself sanely occupied. I want a job wherein i'll work 50 hours, sure, and get paid as well as what i am making now, perferably more of course, but that's not going to happen. I'd like to move out of the basement, have my own shit in my own place. I'm not "growing up" like some people, i don't change drstic thoughts in my fucked up head and toy with others, this would be for me, not affecting anyone, and everything would be grand. I don't know what's in store for me, soon i'll be 20, the nothing years, hell, i said last night that growing up i'd never thought i'd see it to the 20's, i probably just couldn't imagine it. you don't know what you got til it's gone. i came up with another song today, but i suck as a song writer. I mean i come up wit this great idea to have a song about, but once i get going, it sounds too contrived. Maybe i need some other "band" member to help me out here, but these ideas i have sound good, if only i could put them down like i want and make it sound good, and without getting too out of control with it as well...ahhh, on a note of cool things, last night as i was driving home, ann and i always race down 41 to the 30 intersection, it's funny cause she's like 40 something but drives a new monte carlo. we'll speed up and try to pass each other, but not really going over 75 or so. well the other day i realized when i push in this button on my shifter, it makes my car perform a lot better in "racing". Like just two days ago i used it and was jolted back in my seat by the extreme power of it..anways...so i pushed it in agian last night, and as i floored it, the front end of my car actually lifted off the groun, i saw the traction active light come on because the wheels were just spinning and i could feel it lift off the ground. i almost shat myself. ok it was really cool, but i doubt i'd be able to do it agian, and would probably prefer not to....back to the sad notes...i watched High Fidelity tongiht, and let me tell you it was the worst thing ever, not the movie, the movie is great, but it was probablly the worst time in my life to watch that movie. omd i was agitated and nervously bouncing around my room, i couldn't sit still, had i been a smoker i would have lit up 12 times during this movie, and seing john smoke during the whole movie didn't help either. Ahhhh i want to...who knows, i need a time out away from everything and die for a week, then come back to all my problems agian. I'm oing to muncie this weekend most likely, if i make it there alive, hopefully i won't be too sleep deprived at the time, i don't want to let brooike down though, so i have to show, and stay awake the whole time we're together, and lord knows when we call it a night on saturday i'll just cry myself to sleep, or be too aggitated agian to sleep. grrr, i..i....oh lord, i'm going now, i don't even know what to say......goodnight, back to target i go, i want to stop thinking, i want to be stupid so i can be happy, you can't always get what you want, immediate disqualification for involvement in the bih chill, i'll end up listening to too tight or bitch or something of the sorts wherein i can yell, goodbye agian....