Expectations

not great..

the french version..

the one where it means everything sucks

I wrote a blog in my head last night...i was in such a mood I don't know what stopped my fingers from finding the keys.  Oh wait, probably school - though i didn't want to go -or maybe it was the packing i needed to do - lord only knows how i found the strength to do those things...and all without a nap or so much as a break in my entire day; which i would soon realize around 1130pm as a drugged feeling started to overcome my body and mind.

But regardless, i'm here now...where you ask..sitting in an airport...in indiana..because several of my plans, failed.   Yes, I over planned...I had 3 different scenarios to get me where i needed to go, and they all backfired.  Which makes me wonder, sitting here in an airport terminal for hours upon hours, leaching off the electricity or wifi, what makes it that I keep coming back...why do i return, if it's always a let down like this.

i'm stupid.  I expect things to get better, for people to learn, or mature, or grow, or something.  I expect not to be as let down in the past...i don't let the actions of the past dictate how i live my present...and maybe i'm wrong for that.

This ties into the feelings from yesterday, being taken advantage of and being let down.  You know, people wonder why I'm such a dick, an asshole, so mean, etc...it's because the times I do open up, lend the suit off my back, offer a helping hand to a friend - i'm left vulnerable, the suit gets torn to shreds, the hand gets slapped away..

that's just the way it is..

"things will never ever change"