Accidentally I

sorry

not sorry

hashtag smiley face el oh el hey.

I don't know how I didn't come up with that phrase a long time ago...thinking on it now, I probably did, just never stuck around..and now it's a trending topic on twitter... And before I even get started, what the fuck has been going on with people lately - maybe it's just been an off week for some, but now that summer is here, let's try to roll it the eff together.

And I'm not sure if a certain person is trying to get me to post about them or what, because it sure as hell seems like it to me. SNP has been pushing all the right (or wrong depending on how you look at things) buttons, saying the things, creating a situation all on the ingredient list to fire up my fingers. It's a distraction that has my head displaced more than it should be, more than it can really take.

I'm always so understanding, and that's one of my biggest downfalls..because I let people get away with shit that no person really should. As much as a person I am to not have time for bullshit, being able to walk away from many situations that don't warrant any more effort on my part, it's not always the case. When it comes down to certain people, I unravel their "bullshit excuses" - as deemed by everyone else in the world - and acknowledge obstacles, shortcomings, and essentially collaborate justification for them.

But as the shit builds up, I'm left in a quandary - do I make it down to the lavatory, or do I just shit myself with this one right here. I never know what to do in those situations because by then, I'm in too deep. I'm emotionally pot committed, I swam too far out from shore and didn't save any for the swim back, to back out now would be even more devastating (to myself) than any problems I may actually be incurring in my own life.

There is never an easy answer for this. Backing out at any point to me seems like failure, and I don't fail here. I believe what makes it worse is the fact I believe in the propagandous alibis, the one's I should have said goodbye too long ago. Instead I excuse the excuses, erroneously eradicate reason, reason being is still unrevealed.

I pause.

"the sound the record makes as it changes to the next song..."