Never Cheat a Friend

is it better to truthfully forget

or to willfully ignore

I shoulda known better

I should have known that when I didn't hear from you on my birthday things weren't right. Sure, I've never been one to really put stock into my birthday (my stupid birthday); but others do, and others do as they want done to them..and so they will make it known. Receiving a call or even a text is just common courtesy.

My life always has a way of finding itself back to this certain situation; wherein girl and I break up, shortly thereafter my birthday pops up, and it's anybody's guess as to whether will she comment or not. Of course my birthday always falls first, and depending on her reaction will give clearance to mine. Some of my ex-girlfriends birthdays have even been so close as to fall just days after mine - always making for one, largely ignored week.

But whether you forgot or just didn't care (which are essentially the same thing) doesn't really matter at this point, the fact remains, the deed has been not done, and why are we fooling anyone, it's always the latter.

And with your birthday now rapidly approaching I feel a bit of tension in my decision making. I know what day it is, I can't play like I forgot - for forgetting is for the careless, the ones who whisper sour somethings..and I have never been one of bad taste. You'll know (just like I knew) when you don't receive that message from me, and you'll feel how I felt, but you'll also know I did it out of spite; and that's what doesn't settle for me right.

For once in my life I don't want to burn red with young maleficence influenced by some planetary motion...and that brings me to a rams head. I don't want to not contact you out of crossness, yet I don't want to contact you, period.

And the latter isn't because of absence of attention..well, wait..actually it is...I was trying to say my fading out wasn't a fuming rebuttal, that I wasn't doing this out pessimistic passion..but rather, because we, you, have made a clear distinction in the unavailability with each other, me.

It's not necessarily because I care less, rather, it's because you do.

"Giving up and letting go are not the same thing..i'm just having trouble sorting out the definitions right now..something something special...something..."