Here It Is...

Ok, so i was thinking this morning at Target, and my thoughts are getting clearer, if that's a word. Yeah, I'm having complete thoughts, now whether they be sane or anything close to that is the other subject. Thoughts of leaving all this behind were running rampant in my head like a teenager just finding out what a boobie is. So many options, but here i sit, doing nothing. Everyone always wants to head to california when they want to get away, zach baiel's idea last year, brooke's this year, i don't see what's so good over there, maybe i should give it a shot i mean heck, i haven't even been out of a 5 state area around here. And then when i start thinking about it i realize i don't want to get up and go at any random, spontaneous point because of the fact that i have bills, car payments, priorities and responsibilities....but isn't that for leaving in the first place, to get away from all that? So then we all know about the final solution, but that's to come, not for right now...then i was thinknig about if things do pick up, like finding a good job, it will most likely be ofu of this state, and one random day i'll pick and leave for that life, leaving everything that left me here. i mean why not, if others think they can do it, why can't i; why shouldn't it be possible to leave all the pain and suffering behind and start on a blank slate somewhere else...granted i'm not sociable and won't be finding any friends, but i'll keep myself busy. if at all necessary, i could take up two jobs, but that would defeat one of the purposes why i left.i vowed to never love agian, like i could or even wanted to, so maybe i'll get a dog, no, i'd like that too much, i'll do without, i'll stick to little stupid things that make me and only me happy. hmmm, this tangent got a lot longwer than i expected, and now i forgot what elsde i was planing on saying...well this is jason saying the phone's on, but i'm only retrieving voicemails...... ha that has a double meaning, thanks